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https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/ comments/6mdcd8/dd_playe

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Thread replies: 18
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6mdcd8/dd_players_whats_the_most_screwed_up_thing_youve/

>I cut the dick off a bandit, put it on a crossbow bolt and fired it at their leader to "send a message" rolled high and ended up firing it down his throat during his monologue. Dm gave him choking damage each round he failed the strength check to remove.

>During a Jail break (Because the wizard is a drunk) My half-orc threw a locked evidence chest at a guard with the intent on knocking him out but the D20 had other plans. I roll a nat 20 and kill the guard with the chest which also broke spilling all the confiscated loot on the ground.

>Our party was finishing fighting off a group of bandits, I was the last roll, natural 20. I decided to split the guy in half. Then I went to spit on the corpse the DM jokingly made me roll for it, I rolled a one. Ended ended up vommiting on the dudes half-face.

Modern roleplaying in a nutshell, folks.
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>>54257515
Fucking gross. Good thing I don't play 5e.
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>>54257515
>>During a Jail break (Because the wizard is a drunk) My half-orc threw a locked evidence chest at a guard with the intent on knocking him out but the D20 had other plans. I roll a nat 20 and kill the guard with the chest which also broke spilling all the confiscated loot on the ground.
This one is actually a pretty good application. Same as it would have gone with a 19, but just a non-game-changing bonus of trinkets and minor phat lewts you've have gotten soon anyway.
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>>54257515
are the players 12? Because they sound 12. Or livestreaming their sessions. Or both.

>>>/out/
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>>54257515
>D20 systems in a nutshell, folks.
>>
>>54257642
d20 system in itself doesn't do anything: all a natural 20 does, by rules, is a damage multiplier. Everything else is fluff and memes.
>>
>Shit DM's in a nutshell
As always, a nat 20 and a nat 1 is nothing more than a success or failure outside of combat, and anybody who tries to say otherwise is just a faggot trying to make the next ebin greentext
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>>54257515
>WOTC D&D was a mistake

In other news, water is wet.
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>>54257698
the shittiest fucking memes, too

i fucking hate all the idiots that ruin d&d (inb4 already sucks) with this ridiculous nat20 lets me do anything mindset.

the examples the OP gives, they don't sound like an actual game they sound like slapstick shit invented to garner upvotes - and that's the problem, they probably really did exist in some game
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>>54257537
5e outright states a 20 and a 1 are nothing special outside of combat, it's possible to fail with 20 and succeed with 1, depending on your skill and the and the difficulty of the check.

This is just shitty dm's or people making stuff up for upvotes. Blame /tg/ for making up stuff like sir bearington or the wrestler pinning a dragon since that's why these exist
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>oh look reddits full of circle jerking fagboys who make up bullshit stories to seem funny and cool, but completely ignore how the games actually work
Thanks OP, this is something we already knew. Why do you go there? Do you lust for inclusion or are you just looking to get mad?
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>>54258066
All of those sound like stuff you'd also find in a /tg/ thread though.
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> Party is trying to get an aboleth out of hiding
> Party has been trending towards Evil for a while now, with the exception of the Paladin (LN, too stubborn) and Sorcerer (TN, too stupid)
> Everyone is on the gas, no one is on the brakes, no one is thinking
> Just shouting over each other with one idiotic idea after another
> Highest INT and WIS party member is absent, as the half orc barbarian couldn't show up for that session
> Finally, group decides to pose as cultists
> "We need a baby."
> Give them the look of a man who has flown to Paris to go to the Eiffel Tower only to be informed that his parents are dead and the Eiffel Tower is draped with dildos for Pride month
> "Why?"
> "Because we're going to pretend to sacrifice it, dummy."
> Party summons an erinyes and signs her contract, renting them a half fiend baby to do with as they please, provided they give her as many minutes of their time as they use the baby
> The baby is actually pretty cute, despite the horns
> Paladin has the highest Charisma, so he decides to perform the "sacrifice" (Deception or Perform)
> "Oh Aboleth, please come forth to witness this, our sacrifice."
> Rolls a 7, as low as he is able to without a crit fumble
> Slam down the screen and yell at them that they're trying to bullshit a telepath
> Party cringes and starts to roll initiative, but
> Aboleth uses Enslave on the baby
> Tell them the baby acts first, as it's a surprise round
> "No fair!"
> "Were you expecting to be attacked by a baby today?"
> "... No..."
> "Then it's a surprise round."
> Baby punches the Paladin at -5 to hit
> Natural 20
> Combat begins with the Paladin effectively blinded due to the screeching devil baby attached to his face
> Quietly note that the last of the party has turned Evil in the campaign notes

And that's how the party earned 5,901 XP. 5,900 for the Aboleth, 1 for the rented half-fiend baby they got killed.

We're part of the problem, aren't we?
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>>54258066
>>oh look reddits full of circle jerking fagboys who make up bullshit stories to seem funny and cool, but completely ignore how the games actually work
Sounds like /tg/
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>>54258497
Maybe in a That Guy thread.
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>>54258614
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>>54258614
I don't know. I think babies bring out the worst in people, in both real life and fantasy worlds.
>PCs open a closet adjacent to a conference room and sea a lot of pickled body parts in jars, with multiple fetuses floating in some.
>See the body of a doctor lying on the floor of said closet and decide to check it for loot.
>Pickled Punk (Undead baby fetus) tips over a jar on the fighter's head, while the other attaches to his face and begins gnawing.
>Initiative starts, Undead babies go first.
>The other Picked Punk joins in on the grapple and attaches himself to the other side of the fighter's face. Fighter runs out screaming.
>Magus of the group knows they're undead, forgets undead are immune to Color Spray and... Color Sprays. Knocks out the fighter for 5 rounds.
>Magus screams to the Monk "Don't get close! The explode!".
>Monk proceeds to walk around a giant conference table, picking up a chair and throwing them at the two Pickled Punks, missing more than hitting.
>Magus is up on said conference table panicking.
>Pickled Punks just keep gnawing on the stunned fighter's face for five rounds, dealing 1 non-lethal a turn each.
>Monk eventually takes out both by throwing god damn conference chairs at them.
>Pickled Punks explode just as the Fighter comes out of his five rounds of being stunned.
>Crit fails his Fort save to not be Nauseous.
>"You feel like you want to throw up."
>Fighter looks at the Magus on the table, "You son of a bit-" and vomits on the Magus.

That was a two hour fight for my group this Saturday.
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>>54257582

Not to mention it could be entirely RAW. There are plenty of situations where the difference between normal and critical damage means life or death for an NPC, especially "regular, every-day" NPCs like a prison guard.
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