Joke character thread

any ork

>>54215091
>Totally-not-Gilgamesh, only he really sucks with weapons, despite being quite the collector.
>Constantly butts heads with the party because he's trying to take the shiny kickass weapons for himself, but because he's a joke and his weapons are shitty replicas, he's easily defeated
>Turns out he's a goddamn wiz with firearms, making him a legitimate threat in his last encounter

Pete the Boot
>average run around character
>is actually just an awakened boot controlling a corpse

>>54216588
lmao

>Snizzy the "Elf"
>Obviously a human, who believes that he has the soul of an elf
>Wears nothing but a tunic and short shorts and fashions his pointy ears out of sticks, leaves, and a childlike sense of wonder
>is generally a liability, due to the fact the only stats he cares about are WIS and DEX, despite his complete lack of either
>found an old rotting bow and claims it's an ancient elvish crossbow, able to sunder a mountain with a single twitch of the finger (is actually a dwarf child's slingshot dropped on a journey aboveground)
>can only speak the most basic snippets of elf language, which, while an impressive feat, does not make you an expert in it, and certainly does not mean you can just walk up and strike up a conversation with the elf king in his native tongue
>would've been kicked off the team, if not for one thing - his massive bonus on diplomacy with elves, as they genuinely cannot see past his disguise, no matter how hard anyone tries to convince them

>>54215091
>The royal cartographer, a fat, frankly rotund man by the name of Sir Cumference
> a half orc 'wizard' who doesn't know any spells, but often tries casting for a round or two before getting frustrated and charging in to hit opponents with his 'wizardin' stick'

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DEVILDEATHDOOMDEATHDEATHDOOM, THE DOOM OF DEATH

> Classic Lich
> Decrepit skeletal form dressed in flowing black robes. The robes are embroidered with images of Death and Death. The Death is Dying. All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality.
> Under the robe are burial linens etched with wards invoking Death to keep the fucker dead.
> Under the linens is another robe.
> Under the robe are more linens.
> It just keeps going until at the six hundredth and sixty sixth layer, layers of black hoodies appear between every other linen. The hoodies are embroidered with images of Death. The Death is screaming.
> All craftsdwarfship is of the highest quality

>>54218416
When me and my friend group first started playing I made a band of honourable knights known as the Heavyweight Heroes:
>Isosceles
>Hamuncheese
>Diabetes
>Morburgersples
>Whosocksarthes
They were pledged to serve the memory of the late Sir Cumference and had embarked on a quest to rescue the fair Lady Parabola from the clutches of the diabolical Cult of Cholesterol

>>54219543
Top kek

A Dark age of comics style Heroine who is pretty much a T-1000, with the odd contortions of the human body in that art style being the result of her not being good at obeying the limits of human joints.

>>54215091
One of my players played a half orc rogue named Unbuntu Notbad, because he wasn't a bad guy and wanted everyone to know. Specialized in throwing lawn darts.

>>54215091
The gladiator Minimus Maximus

A human toddler barbarian named Nbaby that runs around really fast.

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"The Magnificent Bwahaha"
>insane human Sorceror that frequently cackled maniacally, twirled his moustache, spouted out "Bah!" in alarm, anger, or annoyance, and muttered to himself of this and that
>took great pride in claiming himself to be the most evil and diabolical being ever, but the all of his dastardly deeds were mostly jaywalking, loitering, littering, walking on the grass when the sign demands not to, stealing candy from babies, crashing toddler's birthday parties, cheating at card games and races, not leaving tips, and, rarely, using his extra special and most deadly attack of throwing glitter at their faces
>claimed to be an immortal, unwoundable, all-powerful deity that has existed long before the dawn of time that is destined to conquer the entire universe
>despised the "good" gods of the setting for being worshiped instead of him, and also their followers, particularly paladins and priests
>spoke only in third person, and often in exceedingly fancy and loquacious words, some of which he made up
>forgot his name long ago, referred to himself only as "The Magnificent Bwahaha" after his cheesy laugh
>came up with 'evil' plans that usually failed and even backfired
>incredibly cranky, grumpy, rude, bitter, hot-headed, pessimistic, jealousy, envious, whiny, and exceedingly arrogant
>thought that he could do anything and was the best at everything he tried at
>constantly spoke lowly of everyone, especially the party, referring to all but himself as "mere mortals" or "mortal fools", even the elf, leaving the party to be increasingly irritated and hostile to him
>secretly wanted to be their friend
>had a soft spot for his pet rat, Twinker, but he wouldn't admit it
>he would never in a million years discuss or even acknowledge it in any form, but his backstory is pretty tragic

>>54225746
Backstory below, it didn't all fit..
>born in a small village
>married his wife and had a daughter
>while on a trip to see fellow magick-users about a decade before the adventure,
his village was ransacked by the Lich BBG's undead army had ransacked the village and raised its inhabitants as undead
>overcome with grief, he became helplessly addicted to alcohol
>roaming the country-side from bar to bar, doing small magick-tricks on the side for cash
>on one evening when he was madly drunk, he mistook an Old God cult for a college fraterntiy lousy with alcohol
>labored for, worshipped, and was tortured by the Old God for nine years
>gradually became helplessly insane
>eventually, he escaped on accident, went to live in the capital city where he thought it would be safe
>the cult has been trailing him for years

He died happily, knowing that the Lich had been slain forever, that the Old God had been sealed away, and that his daughter had survived the initial attck on his village and was living safely and happily as a Paladin's squire.

>>54217848
>>Obviously a human, who believes that he has the soul of an elf
>>Wears nothing but a tunic and short shorts and fashions his pointy ears out of sticks, leaves, and a childlike sense of wonder
So...Tingle?

>>54225746
You can tell he's not so evil because his dastardly deeds don't include not using a coaster.

>>54225746
>>54225765
God damn anon I was not expecting feels in this thread.

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>>54225746
>>secretly wanted to be their friend

>Never, NEVER bully the evil guy.