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Gobbo sex master
How 4 Gobbos bullshitted their way through a one-shot 2017-06-26 10:27:03 Post No. 54022534
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How 4 Gobbos bullshitted their way through a one-shot 2017-06-26 10:27:03 Post No. 54022534
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How 4 Gobbos bullshitted their way through a one-shot
Gobbo sex master
2017-06-26 10:27:03
Post No. 54022534
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>GM's PC got killed by summer heat and he lost his notes so he had to make up a one-shot.
>The party wakes up and realises they've all become goblins..
>Cleric becomes a Goblin priest at the church of dog slaying, named 'Poog'
>Cleric immediately discards this persona, and becomes 'P.O.Z.', legendary Goblin rap star.
>Rogue is POZ's hype man.
>Gunslinger becomes insane middle aged spinster gobbo, named 'Reta', who always wears a wedding dress because she can't find a husband. Also likes to torture small animals.
>Also the Klepto half-elf becomes Klepto Gobbo.
>Hype Man asks to roll for attractiveness. (1d10 - Cha)
>Scores pretty decent.
>Reta also wants to roll for attractiveness.
>Rolls -1.
>Literally a -1 / 10
>So ugly that mirrors break in her presence, and she hides her face under a wedding veil
>Ugly spinster gobbo is laughing stock of whole gobbo clan.
>Gobbos are sent on holy mission by Big Boy Gobbo, to go steal some fireworks from BBEG cannibal gobbo
>Gobbo townies host a big party before the mission. Much fermented fruit was consumed.
>Next morning, Gobbo Party turns up to Big Boy's Bungalow.
>Ugly af Spinster Gobbo steps out the door with bed hair and a foul smell
>She seduced big boy while he was drunk (Succeeded on a 1d20-9)
>Entire gobbo party disgusted.
>Big Boy's little boy gives the party some fireworks to help their travel and sends them off.
>Walking in the swamp, when a giant spider drops out of a tree.
>Entire party in unison: "I ride it."
>Entire party has ridiculous ride skill for some reason.
>Entire party succeeds in riding giant spider.
>P.O.Z. Raps to the Spider to handle animal.
>"Yo this swamp is a dud
>Feet all brown, caked in mud
>Grippin' this spider, godsend rider
>Take us where we wanna go
>I'll feed yo ass some tasty foe"
>Succeeds
>Rap god
>GM whimpers quietly
>Party just totally sidestepped combat encounter by having the entire party ride the enemy, and then throwing some nasty bars.
Cont. Not even getting good yet.
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>>54022534
>Party rides Spider to next location
>Grounded pirate ship, BBEG's lair.
>Reta hops the fence
>Evil horse appears and charges Reta
>If it worked the first time, it will work again.
>Rides the horse.
>Stabs the horse in the neck twice.
>Lights a firework
>Stuffs firework into open neck wound
>Does a sick flip off the horse
>Cool gobs don't look at explosions
>"MAKE HORSE DEEEAAAAD!!!"
>Rest of party concerned for player's mental health
>Party rocks up into BBEG's lair.
>Before GM can even finish introducing him
>Reta: "Wait. I'm going to seduce him. What do I roll?"
>Pic Related
>Player screams in joy
>Entire party laughing their gobbo nuts off.
>GM leaves Teamspeak
>Comes back 2 minutes later
>"So what happens?"
>GM: "You know what happens! He fucking crit. The session is over! He fucking seduced the big bad. That's it."
>Forever will the Gobbos tell of the story of the ugliest, insanest bitch gobbo, who fucked her way to victory, and the Rap God who tamed a fearsome beast with some hot rhymes.
>GM equally mad and impressed.
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>>54022661
The moral of the story is two fold
Nat20s should not be auto successes in serious campaigns
Players like silly shit every once in a while
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>>54022796
Seconded.
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>>54022534
>>54022661
Win!! EPIC WIN!!!! xDD
>>
I'm going to screencap this and maybe giggle at it next year or so.
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>>54022934
The best part was that the GM himself built all these character sheets, and just gave them to us by surprise when the session started. He was the master of his own undoing.
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>>54022534
>Had to make up a one-shot.
This is literally just We Be Goblins from Pathfinder. The wedding dress goblin lady and cleric, the spider, the horse standing guard, getting fireworks for the road? Goal is to get fireworks from evil goblin in a wrecked ship?
That's We Be Goblins.
This doesn't diminish the story at all because it's funny, and I'm a trash DM who always runs pre-written modules myself. Honestly if his PC died and he just re-made that entire module from memory I'm impressed.
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>>54022534
>>54022661
LMAO DUDE !! include me in the screencap XD
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