Stuff Players Do That Make You Cringe

>>53733045
>Level 1 character
>Backstory

>Level 5 character
>What do I roll to hit ?

>Takes 5 damage
>Tips up character sheet

>>53733097
So you're autistic?

>>53733045
>Whining that enemy NPCs/monsters aren't suicidal and idiotic and will do things like use tactics, and even run away when they're losing
>Complaining that friendly NPCs aren't useless and idiotic and "steal their spotlight" when they do such profound things like perform the job the PCs hired them to do adequately.

>>53733485
Do they ever take the hint and start thinking tactically?

>>53733097
>Level 1 character
>Backstory

do your level 1 characters emerge from a hole in the ground?

>>53733710
You know exactly what he meant.

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>I DO (INSERT WACKY RANDOM THING)
>no come on it was just a joke I didnt actually do/say that haha dont punish me for that
>5 minutes later
>I DO (INSERT WACKY RANDOM THING)
>Repeat entire session

What did we gms do to deserve this

>>53733718
Yes. Mother earth bore me through the dirtgina

>>53733745
>What did we gms do to deserve this
Players are our punishment for sins in our previous lives. You did *something* to deserve it, maybe not in this life, but sometime. We all did. And FUCK were our sins awful, since players are fucking monsters.

>So I know you run without one player all the time...
>But I've never missed session, so I was hoping you'd cancel it for me.
>I even got the other players to agree with me about it.
>And they're all passive-aggressively not telling you about things they'd rather do than come to your shitty game, so that's another good reason to cancel session.
>But we all really want to play too! Don't worry about it, anon, we're all invested and interested still!

Fucking kill them all. Tempted to just drop it and leave, this scheduling bullshit is really detracting from my enjoyment of the game. We agreed to play on a weeknight so that we could play 3 weeks a month, but we instead do maybe 2 weeks a month and I have only had a full party like 2-3 times. We've been playing since February. God dammit players are monsters.

>>53734061
hehe weeknight sounds like a scot mocking a jumped-up manlet

>>53734061
Honestly just explain to your players that you put a lot of effort into the game you make for their enjoyment and all you expect is that they turn up at the agreed time. A lot of players don't realise the effort it takes to GM and just see the game as something casual.

You're happy to change the schedule to be less demanding but you need a consistent game. If they aren't bothered you can do something more casual like board games. If they want to play they need to turn up and that they have the month to choose.

Ride out the month and if it's more of the same shit cancel the game and switch to random boardgame nights or whatever.

People react to clear consequences.

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>>53733745
>I DO (INSERT WACKY RANDOM THING)
>no I seriously do it
>what? it has consequences?
>I KEEP DOING (INSERT WACKY RANDOM THING)
>oh man, I'm almost dead, how did this happen?
>maybe I should have played a different build

also
>gets hit once
>"THIS SYSTEM IS BULLSHIT! WE SHOULD GO BACK TO (INSERT SYSTEM WITH EASILY ABUSED RULES HERE)!"

>get ambushed by gang with pistols
>"I'll attack them with my melee weapon!"
>gets killed
>"You're not a good GM."
You know who you are.

>>53734061
Always run.

Always

Have one shots prepared for weeks where only a couple of players are there and run those.

You'll quickly realize who your valuable players are cause they'll turn up every week, keep recruiting until you have enough sometimes players that the game always has a full party even if only a couple of pcs are the "main characters" and the rest are supporting characters.

I fucking hate people who cannot stop playing with their dice. The constant sound of dice being rolled makes me MAD

>>53734177
Three of the four are DMs themselves. The fourth is the one guy who has been honest about being flaky, so I honestly am not too chuffed about that dude. One of the others is being a dick about it this week. Gonna just ride out this month and see if we can't tighten things up a bit here soon.

>>53734198
Not an option. I'd be running for one, basically, and the missing characters would bitch at me about it. Not worth the drama.

The big problem is that these dudes are all good friends and they're good players once the scheduling thing is set aside. This is just a rough month and I'm bitter about it since they don't really realize how much consistency in scheduling matters to me. Thanks for the advice, anons, but I'll get over it.

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>>53734219
Bonus points if they also do the following:
>player keeps messing with and rolling their dice all the time
>suddenly demand you attention and point to said dice
>"so I was doing a test for X and I got this result do I succeed?!" while knowing damn well it is a great/passing roll
>they get upset if/when you don't count it

>>53734270
I've made it very clear to my players I do not like them rolling randomly. Rolling of dice = an action is being made.

I thought this was standard practice among GM's

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>>53734185
>get ambushed by gang with pistols
>"I'll attack them with my melee weapon!"

>>53734323
No. Why would it be? It's not a standard issue.

>>53733045
>That's what my character would do!!!
And then I decided to always kill people playing gnome characters

>>53733718
>I was a farmer before a hobgoblin pack invaded my homestead, killed my flock, slaughtered my wife, child and parents. As they made me watch the deed something broke within me, and I was consumed by a rage I never knew existed. Before I regained my senses the hobgoblins lay dead around me with the corpses of my family. With nothing left to lose, I decided to pick some of their weapons and hunt down every last hobgoblin to quench my vengeance and anger.

And thus a lvl 1 barbarian is born.

>>53734219
As someone who psychologically needs to fiddle with something near-constantly (don't ask why, I don't know, all I know is that I do), dice are really convenient and useful tools for this. If someone's rolling to cherry pick results, that's some bullshit obviously (this is a good example of bullshit: >>53734270), but if someone is fiddling because they need to fiddle, maybe cut them a little slack.

>>53734391
That anon was referring to the widely-hated-by-/tg/ idea of giving your lvl 1 character a backstory of epic proportions, focused on all the totally rad shit you did before a GM was involved.

>>53734402
Prob ADHD.

>>53734323
Establishing rules and actually getting players to follow rules are two very different things

>>53734438
I don't really have many of the other signs of ADHD, but maybe. Fuck, I don't even care, I just need to fiddle with stuff. I twirl pencils, play with dice, flip coins, play with buttons/dials/switches, gotta have something going on. I always try to not annoy people with it though (pencils are legit the best thing ever for this). People who are shittily behaved and blame it on "oh, I need to fidget" are the worst.

>>53733045
I would be disappointed if my players never made a Monty Python joke in Bretonnia.

>>53733045
as a TCG player the biggest ones for me:
>Talking to someone about card/combo that is fun
>random dude burst in "LAWL THIS CARD NOONE PLAYS COUNTERS THAT"
>just stare at the dude or say okay
>"I would have won IF..."
>"Yeah I didn't see any of my sideboard..."
>"High Roll?"

>>53734409
I did this once with a grizzled 40something mercenary. He was cut back down to level 3 for a combination of a bad injury and getting old, despite having been the equivalent of level 10 in the past.

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>I cast magic missile
>I just follow the party
>I cast magic missile
>I just follow the party
>I cast magic missile
>wait, dm, do you have my spell sheet
>I cast magic missile
>I just follow the party
>I cast magic missile
>DM, what spells do I know
>I cast magic missile
>I just follow the party
>I cast magic missile

this player's boyfriend jumped on her bronze overwatch account, got it up to platinum, then she dropped it back down to either silver or gold. unrelated, but worth noting.

>>53734477
That, uh, definitely sounds like ADHD. desu though they literally define these things based on whether it's impacting your life or not, so.

>>53734323
>I thought this was standard practice among GM's
Yeah and I also ask my players to remain seated and calm, to keep their hands on the table at all times.
There is only one pen on the table that is used only when necessary.
Food and drinks are not allowed. You may go to the toilet once every hour.
Everyone has to maintain perfect focus while one of the characters is busy buying gauntlets of slightly less faggotry.
Phones are to be switched off and I keep them in a basket.
You have to read and understand the 200 pages long chargen rules from your first session onward.
You have to buy the books and all splatbooks, official battlemat and figures.
You may not speak about memes or simply utter them.
Bad jokes about [X] means an instaban.
You may not make any proposition or friendly advice to the GM.
Any people later than 5 minutes to the game will not be accepted back without a written apology.
You have to write a 2 pages backstory, Times New Romans, font size 12, for a character that may very well die in the first session.
You have to roleplay your own gender.
Girls/Boys are not allowed at the table.
If you want to make a character that does not fall in a typical party role you must first discuss it with the GM.
"You're not here to have fun".
Going out of the story finely crafted by your precious GM results in falling rocks.

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>>53734712

>>53733097
>Level 1 character
>No Backstory
This is way worse

>>53734550
I sincerely doubt anyone is so thirsty they would push their SO to Master, and that's the lowest tier you can be demoted from.

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>>53734831
It was less so much him being thirsty, as more so he's horribly obsessed with OW. People overuse the word too much, but he's the definition of toxic.

He's managed to push all his friends away from him because of it, and now both his only friend and his girlfriend are on their way of just ditching him.

>>53734712
>If you have any rules to keep players from being distracting retards you're nofunallowed
I sleep soundly with the knowledge that people like you are universally secretly hated by the people you game with.

>>53734831
I have no idea how hard that is, but it's most likely true. I know of a guy in his 20s who spent a shitload of time hunting the normal and shiny versions of some rare pokemon for a girl, so I think anything is possible.

>>53734709
It doesn't really impact my life and I can refrain for awhile if necessary. Just, when left to my own devices, I fiddle with stuff.

>>53734921
...because he plays OW a tonne?
>>53734948
Anyone who likes LARPing as a school teacher deserves the kind of group who'd need it.

>>53734948
Sure.
But maybe I think 100% focus is not needed for the players at all times. And is actually detrimental to the game in the long run.

>>53734989
It's literally to the point where it's his life now. Every conversation is Overwatch, every joke is Overwatch, every minute of every day is Overwatch. Which wouldn't be too bad, except he's the type of person who screams at his team, even if his girlfriend's on his team.

>>53733045
>Complaining about realism in a high magic game
Magic doesn't give you a free license to write in whatever the fuck you feel like at the time, magic will explain big bullshit but it won't explain more mundane bullshit, which is what breaks a setting. That's why even in a game with efreets, elementals and dragons encumbrance is still a thing and everyone has trail rations.

>Character is basically indistinguishable from Guts or Brienne or Drizzt or Hermione
That's more a factor of there being so many characters in the nerd fiction library now that any character is indistinguishable from a fantasy character in some moderately popular book.

>>53735072
Magical settings don't have to follow rules, though unless it's something the average person wouldn't encounter like lightning current or magnetism, they should be explained ahead of time.
The types of complaints tend to be complaining about the gm making stuff move faster or generally act in ways it probably wouldn't for narrative purposes, and usually are just a huge screeching crash to the flow of the game to point out.

People totally still make characters that are flat out from some anime or show or whatever, but it's not a big deal honestly. It dates back to the very roots of d&d, and is fine for someone to start getting into rp.

>>53735166
I mean, they have to follow rules, but not rules that are the same as real life. Internal consistency is all you need.

>>53735072
Unrealistic settings don't give you a free license to complain about whatever the fuck you feel like, which breaks the flow of a game.

>>53735011
You can be unfocused without being distracting to everyone else. And if what you're doing is distracting the GM, you need to stop.

>>53735060
Yeah, that's the point where you need an intervention. There's a very good reason I fuck off from the internet at least once a week to just read a book or something.

>>53735199
I agree, internal consistency is king. Sure you might have to houserule or bullshit something you don't recall off the top of your head, but a hot stove should be a hot stove.

>>53735166
>Magical settings don't have to follow rules
It really depends in what. For shit like magical traps, wizards and fantasy tropes you can paint liberally, same with travel distance and honestly I've never met a player that really enjoyed trail rations as a system. Having said that, those things should definitely still follow rules but shouldn't necessarily have to be realistic. If you're going to introduce a massive fantasy element it should behave consistently enough that PCs can kind of start to use it.

However, things like finding treasure in a cave filled with low level monsters about two miles from a town is silly, there's no good reason the residents wouldn't have plundered that a while back. That just feels weird. Same with oddly diverse biomes, multiple sentient races but still having tiny tribes of nasty-ass orcs that would've been hunted down years ago and so on. Basically things that look like either the GM hasn't considered the local economy or make them look like they saw the Monster Manual and just went mental.

>>53735252
If the GM is distracted by me doing dice pyramids/stacks while waiting for the faggot min-maxer to buy his ring of buttfuckery maybe he's the one witht the problem m8o

>>53735298
>actually admitting to building dice stacks during the session
Just save us both the trouble and tell me that you're 12 from the start next time

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I know one thing my GM hates me for.

>Don't worry about shooting into close combat with your shotgun, I'll just soak it if you hit me.

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>>53735403
>This guy does something I don't like
>better call him underage and a newfag

>I want to roll X skill
Just say what your character is doing, and I'll tell you the skill. That's half of the point of a DM.

>>53735403
Fuck you I'm 28 and I build dice stacks. What else am I supposed to do when bored during session? At least I'm still paying attention and not surfing the web on my phone or playing Pokemon Go or whatever.

>>53733045

>Spouting memes
>Character is basically indistinguishable from Guts

im guilty of a couple of these, big time

>>53735421
My GM has been instituting extra factors when falling because I have a ring of feather fall. Like when we plunged through part of the atmosphere. Fall wasn't going to hurt me a bit. Getting set on fire from the friction? That hurt a lot.

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>>53733045

>Oh is it my turn? Hold on, even though I had time to think I gotta figure out what to do.

>>53735573
You're supposed to do something that doesn't distract the people who are currently trying to roleplay, like look over your equipment/spells, talk quietly in character with someone else (usually away from the table when the GM has to focus on someone else for an extended time), or look over the rules to make sure you know what your character can do. If you really have nothing else to do, you sit quietly and listen to what's happening or you think about what your character is doing. If you can't entertain yourself without being distracting for 5 minutes while the spotlight isn't on you then you need to grow up.

>>53735690
To be fair, that can sometimes be justified. More than a few times I had a plan in mind and then something happened that resulted in making a whole new plan.

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>>53733745
This.
Dear god this.
That garbage never stops with my group.
I once had a skelleton PC who asked if he could remove his head without dying.
I told him no and he proceeded to try it twice.
He had one more strike before I let him go through with it.

>>53735703
People shouldn't be enabling your autism, anon.

>>53735544
As forever GM, I'm guilty of this when I do get the chance to play... It's too hard to turn off desu.

>>53734496
>"High Roll?"
What's wrong with that?
Honestly curious, that's the completely normal way to determine who plays first at my LGS and nobody's bothered.

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>player rolls under a 10 for something like "try to tell if this shady guy is lying about X"
>UGH OH MY GOD THESE DICE ARE SO BAD I NEVER GET A GOOD ROLL OH MY GOD I AUTO-FAIL WHATEVER I WAS JUST DOING THE DC MUST BE 40 EASY I NEEDED THAT 20 FUCK THESE DICE OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T GOTTEN A GOOD ROLL SINCE WE STARTED IT'S BEEN EXACTLY SEVENTEEN ROLLS I'VE MADE AND ONLY TWO HAVE BEEN ABOVE 15

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>>53736078
>player takes 5 damage
>WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS THIS EVEN FAIR THIS SYSTEM SUCKS I MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN DO ANYTHING NOT THAT YOU WOULD LET ME EVEN IF I COULD

>>53733045
>Interprets rules to suit their ends when GM
>Interprets same rules differently to suit their ends when they're player
>Goes full autist when GM makes a rational call on dispute over rules

>Going full retard and then being on the verge of tears when everyone else at the table turns on them for being lolrandom

>Playing as opposite gender because they like playing "sexy" characters

>>53734831
Shit man I wish I wouldn't mind a smurf account that resets itself
Pubstomping is a blast

>>53736145
>Character gains one point of shadowlands taint (you need to get 10 before any mechanical effect occurs, but it is permanent)
>WELL TIME TO MAKE A NEW CHARACTER BECAUSE THIS ONE IS UNPLAYABLE NOW
>try to explain that It's not a huge deal and most Crab characters end up with 4 to seven points
>Derails the rest of the session. Luckily it was near the end, but had to move stuff to next session.
I'm now actively messing with the character in small ways.

>Make an attack roll
>"What do I roll again??"
>d20
>No, the one on the far left
>"I got a 3!"
>What about your attack roll modifiers?
>"..?????"
>Add your.. ok, so you got a 11 total. That's a hit.
>"Hell yeah!"
>Now roll damage
>"...???"

This person is a fully functioning adult and has been playing every single week for eight god damn months. How they even hold a job is beyond me.

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>>53736145
>>53737651
I'm so fucking glad none of my current players are like this. I used to run into them once in a while and god damn were they ever frustrating to deal with. What kind of upbringing produces a wretch like this? How fragile are they, that any resistance or setback no matter how small completely destroys their will to continue? Fucking christ.

>>53738369
>eight sessions and twelve battles deep into a game
>"Roll attack"
>"What do I add to that again?"
>mfw

>>53738475
That's nothing. I once had a game end because after the party got robbed by bandits by blithely walking into an ambush, they decided my game was "rigged from the start" and 3 of the 4 characters committed IC suicide.

>>53733045
>Thinking a natural 20 means that instead of doing a thing really well you solve all problems for the next half minute
>Thinking a natural 1 means that instead of doing a thing really poorly you bring a plague upon the party
>Making a roll and after the result comes up they say what they want to do
>Taking offense to others pointing out that your characters are, contrary to what you think, completely unoriginal/blatant power fantasy self-insert to the point of spiraling into depression
>>53735690
>>53735724
It's one thing if it's the martial going "I'll take five minutes to figure out which guy should I hit", it's another if it's the caster going "People moved around, so what I thought I was going to cast won't be as effective now" and it's yet another if it's the caster going "Hold on, let me check my spell list for five minutes... I use my cantrip for the sixth round in a row"
>>53736078
Story of my life, except it's rolls under a 7 for combat while crit-build gets five 20s each session even without his reroll bullshit.

>>53738475
>What kind of upbringing produces a wretch like this?
I actually can answer that, since I was one for a long time and still struggle with it to an extent. Imagine an upbringing where you are the target and the enemy of your parents and family. All that happens that is bad is your fault, you are always the villain, nothing good ever happens that is associated with you. Add to that an atmosphere of extreme anger and hate towards your person and experience being told that you are scum, you are worthless, and nothing you do will ever succeed, and you get someone who shuts down when they encounter a setback. It's a defense mechanism to prevent a disastrous outcome and further damage to their person. Someone like this shuts down so they can't be hurt. They also tend to not get their hopes up, tend to avoid being close to anyone, and are often very standoffish. They're broken people, anon. Don't hate them, pity them, and if you can bear to, try and understand where they're coming from. Yeah, they make your experience worse, but understand that they hurt inside and are having even less fun than you are.

>>53738509
I know, but the raging autism and strawmanning that happens in these types of threads is annoying. Better to point out which cases the annoyance is understandable. Otherwise it devolves into "waaaaa! YOU'RE JUST BITCHING ABOUT PEOPLE HAVING BAD WRONG FUN YOU FUCKING AUTIST!!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

t. GM who "hates fun" because he doesn't like players playing the opposite sex.

>>53738540
Huh. I guess I can see how that would produce that kind of player, but I was more expecting the type of person who got handed everything in life and never had to work for any of it.

>>53735703
>building dice stacks
>distracting other players
Maybe they should be paying attention to the GM rather than what one of the other players is doing.

>>53738616
Maybe that does it as well, but in my experience, people who shut down at the first sign of trouble tend to be people who have been deeply and fundamentally hurt somehow, usually as kids and usually by someone they trusted implicitly (e.g. a family member or other extremely close individual like a pastor or teacher).

>>53738540
To a certain degree that is correct. Many others, I would even go so far as to say the majority, are simply entitled twats. For example, on of my good friends is much like you describe. Yet another person I played with didn't have any of those issues. But he was an entitled twat because he had been spoiled most of his life.

Some people are just so used to the golden platter that when they get brass instead, they lose their shit.

>>53738644
Those things always fall over and clatter all over the damn table. It's fucking dumb and there's no reason to do it other than "lol I only have a 5 second attention span," in which case you probably shouldn't be playing ttrpgs.

>>53733045
>Monty Python references
What's wrong.

>Spouting memes actually
The English language is a meme, as well as any idea and ideal that you've gained from someone else.

>>53738610
You don't hate fun, you hate gay people, which is worse.

>>53738694
>Those things always fall over and clatter all over the damn table
yeah if you're a novice

>>53738495
To be fair m8 nobody likes getting their stuff stolen. I usually don't even put that on the table as an option even though my players are functioning adults able to deal with it in a mature way. I don't do it because it's not fun getting your shit taken.

>>53738495
How did you hint towards the ambush in a way thats fair without giving it away? How did they fail to notice it?
Not accusing or anything, just trying to learn how to do it for my next session. The only scenario I can really think of is 'oh, you failed your spot check? well surprise here's a bolt roll initiative'

>>53735635
How was there friction if you were falling that slowly?

>>53734402
I have to do the same thing but you need to realize that it can get annoying to those around you and figure out some way that you can cut it out or at least cut it back. Just because there is something wrong with us does not mean the rest of the group needs to suffer for it.

>>53735635
but wouldn't feather fall make you fall slower and thus the friction greatly reduced?

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>>53738747
>What's wrong.
Not him or even a DM but Jesus Christ every time someone says a line from that I flinch a little. It's just so overused and most of the time the people quoting it don't understand the humor they're portraying.

>>53739180
>a line from that
Holy Grail specifically, or Flying Circus, Meaning of Life, and Life of Brian too? I've used Lemming of the BDA's civilian persona as a civilian in CP2020 before.

>>53738475
>What kind of upbringing produces a wretch like this?
Videogames. They want to have a correct answer to every problem, and have it presented to them on a silver platter. It should come as no surprise that the player who bitched about a single point of taint is a huge Mass Effect fanboy.

>>53739297
Yeah I meant Holy Grail. Probably because it's the most well-known.

>>53739406
>They want to have a correct answer to every problem, and have it presented to them on a silver platter.
I blame save systems. The ability to retcon every failure out of existence is a powerful drug.

>>53739121
>>53739150
Exactly. To be perfectly specific, we're playing 4e Eberron and it's a Ring of Lesser Featherfall. But like I said, GM has been trying to keep me from leaping off of tall buildings and the like with no consequences. He forgets every now and then (usually after we miss a week for whatever reason) so I get to fall with excellent style with no consequences. Otherwise I'd be able to help the party skip paste entire fights or make them stupidly easier by flanking the enemies. So I don't blame the guy and actually enjoy the challenge more.

>>53739297
Not them but I've only ever seen people quote Holy Grail. Some of my friends were supposedly Monty Python "fans" and my references to the Life of Brian went right over their heads.

>>53739406
I would have to disagree heavily. I play a fuck ton of video games and I do not have this attitude. I've even played Mass Effect and loved the original trilogy. No, this is a deeper issue. It has to do with how they were raised. I be you that those people were either abused or spoiled rotten.

>>53739449
>blaming save systems
That makes absolutely no sense for much the same reason. Just because you have a chance to end some nasty effect or successfully dodge, does not mean that you will lose your shit when you fail. Losing your shit when you fail is a much deeper problem in the persons psyche.

>>53739471
>my group finally gets off of Holy Grail quotes
>new GM comes into the group
>"Alright guys, it's going to be a Roman inspired campaign, so choose appropriate names."
>not one second passes before someone asks "Is there something wrong with the name... BiggusDickus

I've learned to accept it

>>53734712
People don't actually play with you

>>53739504
>I be you that those people were either abused or spoiled rotten.
Well, I'm not sure if he was spoiled, but he definitely wasn't abused.
I'm not trying to say that vidya is a sufficient condition, but in my experience, it is a necessary condition. Every player that I've had like that was super into either Bethesda or Bioware RPGs, though I've had players that were fine that were into those games.

>>53739514
Honestly anon, I'm just glad they left Holy Grail behind. It's so fucking over done that they're not even funny anymore. Instead I just cringe at "it's only a flesh wound".

I think the root cause is that Holy Grail was Monty Pythons' most popular work outside of the UK. So a larger group of people know about that compared to their other stuff (which I find to often be funnier). But I don't have any hard numbers to back that up. All I know is that way more Americans are familiar with Holy Grail than literally anything else the group has done.

>>53739663
>necessary
>have had two groups with necessary condition act differently
Basic logic dictates that the deciding factor most likely is not video games. It could be a component, but I can almost guarantee it was abuse or being spoiled. Not to be rude anon, but many people are uncomfortable with telling even their closest friends about their abuse. I only know because I was there for some of it. Then there is always the chance that some people are just plain shitty regardless of their upbringing.

>>53739663
>Every player that I've had like that was super into either Bethesda or Bioware RPGs
I'm guessing all of those players also breathe air, know what D&D is, and have watched Star Wars too right?

Bethesda games and bioware RPGs are pretty close to base level nerd culture, especially when it comes to roleplayers.

>>53733896
So you're like, an earth elemental? That's cool dude.

>>53738747
American monty python fans are the fucking worst. they wont shut the fuck up and expect everyone to understand their entire filmography

>Every player gets a backstory intertwined to both the plot and themselves.
>One player gets it into his head that if he just ignores his personal story and goes off to do other things the campaign will break.
>Only major goal is to LOL DERAIL so he can seem "cool".
>No matter where he goes, he's either obviously wasting time or stumbling into other sub-plots.
>Gets mad he can't derail the campaign and just follows the party.
>Eventually leaves campaign.

Got'cha, Bitch!

>>53740388
>American Monty Python fans
>knowing anything beyond Holy Grail, Life of Brian, the Parrot Sketch, and the Cheese Shop Sketch

>>53733045
>But I'm a badass warrior with magical gear! I shouldn't die in one round!

But......but it's fucking Satan and you challenged him to a cooking competition.....and he ate your ass raw cause he's THE DEVIL.

You're level 5, stop pretending like you're THAT fucking special. Maybe challenge the LORD OF EVIL to a form of competition when you're anywhere near his ability to compete?

>>53740388
>>53740407
I'd disagree. Like I noted in an earlier post, my fellow Americans seem to only be familiar with Holy Grail.

Also
>American fans are the worst
No, that's just "fans" who don't actually know what the fuck they are talking about in general. Think of it this way, if all someone knew about WH40K was the memes and they only quoted memes/particularly memorable moments from the fluff, would they really be a fan? Because that's basically what most people (at least the ones I know) know about Monty Python. All they know are the popular memes and quotes, which are almost invariably taken from Holy Grail.

So less
>LOL!!! MUH AMERIFATS ARE SO DUMBSES!!!!!
and more
>jesus titty fucking christ these retards only saw one very popular movie and think they know everything

>>53734712
oh hey it's /tg/

>>53740458
Maybe not give your PC an interesting but impossible challenge and then punish him with character death for accepting? So many things you could have had the devil do after winning that weren't "teeth fall the fighter dies."

>>53740711
t. American
You don't really understand how entrenched Monty Python really is in British culture. Your average American probably only knows two popular movies worth of quotes, whereas the average Brit has probably seen the majority of Monty Pythons works.

You don't need to take it as an insult to American intelligence, it's simply cultural differences.
If Venezuelans were making stupid Simpsons references, the same thing would be said about Venezuelan Simpsons fans by Americans, for whom the Simpsons is a cultural icon.

Had a player that insisted on being an edgy memelord literal faggot. He was a frog, counts as lizardman, homosexual rogue/space barbarian named Pepe. I said no to the idea, he got pissy, my actual friends felt bad and managed to talk me into accepting his character with a few mild changes in his back story. He ignored the changes, role played a gay loli-enthusiast, made everyone mildly uncomfortable, and drank all my fucking Yamazaki 18 year IN ROOT BEER!

In had to be physically restrained when I found the empty bottle. I had opened it less than a week ago! I'd had maybe 2 glasses! ROOT BEER! STORE BRAND ROOT BEER!

Last week was rough.

>>53740794
Let me put it this way, I referenced the "lol amerifats so dumb" meme because I knew some faggot would bring that up as the reason people (especially Americans) don't know much of Monty Python beyond the Holy Grail. I know it is mostly cultural differences, I was simply trying to point out that a true fan would know more about the material they are a "fan" of. Such as Monty Python. If you were really a fan, then regardless of your country of origin, you would know more than just Holy Grail quotes and/or memes. That is all I was trying to get at.

>>53734712
>Phones are to be switched off and I keep them in a basket.
>You may not speak about memes or simply utter them.

Sounds reasonable to me.

>>53740906
I do not feel comfortable parting with my most expensive possession, with strangers, in just a basket. No fucking way, and I'll check the time on my phone all I please.

>Player: "I go into the town and buy a ring of pelicans+3"
>They don't have one
>Player: "Then I buy Elminster's comfy cloak"
>They don't have one
>Player: "Do they have an adamantine hug pillow?"
repeat ad nauseam

Nowadays I always prepare shop inventory ahead of time and just hand them a list what they find. Nothing worse than people who expect magical 7-11s because they think every campaign is a core 4E game.

>>53740768
>punish him with character death
nah nigger
play stupid games win stupid prizes
If you describe them taking a road along a cliff and one player wants to jump off, do also not "punish him with character death"?

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>>53740942
>>53740906
desu "phones off and I keep them in a basket" was the most chuckle-worthy part of that rant for me

But you can sit on your phone and still listen and roleplay, you just look like a douchenozzle to some people while doing it, but that's their problem if I RP my character and don't hold up combat.

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>>53740892

>>53740906
If I'm on my phone during a game there's something wrong with the way the GM is running it. You'd have to be pretty boring to make me go to it.

>>53736145
I do not miss our that guy. It was this. It was always this. He could never fail at anything without going on a fucking tirade about how I'm always trying to ruin the fun for him. After a certain point I honestly did just try to ruin things for him. And then when that got fun and the other players hated him, too, I kicked the fucker out.

If someone can't just play the game, win or lose, and enjoy the experience, they shouldn't be playing.

>>53740987
>play your DM's offered game get killed by the DM
I understood it the first time. Have Satan turn him into a sentient piece of bread that shows up in the next shop your party visits. Party can decide to try to save him in some way or eat the fucker if they hated him.

>>53740987
I would say that jumping off a cliff is not interesting. Mostly sounds like extreme stupidity, assuming there is no outside factor such as the Hierarchy.

So no, you and your army can learn to be good rather than ass.

>>53741039
>play your DM's offered game get killed by the DM
>your DM's offered game
Nigga
It's fucking Satan
If your DM describes some toadstool, do you immediately eat it?
If your DM describes a river do you jump in wearing your plate armor?
Do you cut deals with Dragons?
mother.fucking Satan.

>>53741052
>Mostly sounds like extreme stupidity
like making a deal with the devill?

>>53741058
Oh yeah man Satan, king demonboy of lies, trickery and evil. Just eating your fighter like a common animal sure sounds like the most fun and interesting thing you could have done in the situation. Not like he has a great deal of power at his disposal to put that character in a compromising but interesting situation that would give the player more depth to his character in return for his brave challenge.

Definitely just eat him, must have gone over well with the players in your head at least.

>>53739726
I think it's that a lot of Monty Python skits simply haven't aged well. Now of course saying that will generally get people all riled up but the honest truth is that only a few of their jokes are actually funny, most are simply average or something that you smile or exhale towards at best. Now that's not to say that Monty Python is bad, just that it has aged horribly.

>>53741079
>Oh yeah man Satan, king demonboy of lies, trickery and evil. Just eating your fighter like a common animal sure sounds like the most fun and interesting thing you could have done in the situation. Not like he has a great deal of power at his disposal to put that character in a compromising but interesting situation that would give the player more depth to his character in return for his brave challenge.
>why wasn't MOTHERGODFUCKINGDAMN SATAN fair to my character?
m8
stop being mad because the DM didn't pull his punches. Sometimes player death is necessary to conserve the internal logic of the campaign world, such as when you're honestly dumb enough to believe something good will come of fucking about with satan. Same reason you don't draw from the deck of many cards.

>>53741189
I never said fair, I said fun and interesting. You can be unfair in a much more fun and interesting way than that with minimal brain cell usage.

>>53741237
>fun and interesting
why would an encounter with satan be "fun and interesting". Do you watch too much supernatural?

>>53741277
If you have to wonder why your game night should be fun and interesting then I think this conversation is pretty well over, friend.

>>53739588
why are you not recognising 11 levels of irony

>>53741304
If you think players are entitled to do dumb shit without suffering the logical consequences because "it's fun" you're a fucking retard-
gravity pulls you downwards
air allows you to breath
the fucking incarnation of evil in this world will have no qualms whatsoever about killing you

I'm honestly baffled this is such a hard concept for you to grasp, you're probably one of these lolrandumb retards who think their character should be invincible and it's totally clever to try to armwrestle cthuhu because it might result in something "interesting". Do me a favor and never play RPGs again.

>>53741344
I'm someone who understands that you can have consequences while maintaining fun. Call me a retard if you like, but at least I can conceive of a logical consequence to losing to Satan that is a more fun and interesting for the player than "he eats you and you die"

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>but thats how it worked in *previous edition*
WELL ITS NOT HOW IT WORKS NOW YOU TROGLODYTE YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING THIS EDITION FOR 4 MONTHS NOW READ THE RULES

>>53741469
> I can conceive of a logical consequence to losing to Satan that is a more fun and interesting for the player
>The player was a total retard, but the DM should pull his punches because it's not fun to lose
you're a fucking child, learn to lose sometimes.

>>53734530
I too did this once, but as the side effects to a "don't die of old-age" spell.
Suddenly, teenage ex-Wizard in a tower full of his own arcane writings he has no idea about.

Turns out it reverted everything about him to his teenage years, which wiped a few decades of memories and arcane study.
(He spent all the loot you'd expect such a high level wizard to have on the ritual's research, I wasn't just trying to cheese items)

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>>53733045
>Autistic hand flapping whenever landing a hit
Well, excuuuuuuse me for actually havaing fun.

>>53733045
>taking notes at all

Nigga this is a roleplaying game not a
history lecture

>>53738671
Yeah, but...I knew a guy who was so bloody spoiled. His parents were young and rich, and he wanted everyone to know this. He was the centre of our group of friends, too. And he cried whenever he lost anything, and everyone pitied him, and so he never lost anything.

He was incredibly insecure. It kinda became more obvious as we moved to secondary school and our group of friends drifted away from him. A few years later and everyone made fun of the kid who wouldn't shut up about how much better he was than everyone else, how much richer he was, and how his bad grades didn't matter because his parents would set him up for life. He was an okay person at the centre of it, you could tell.

Weirdly, I was his worst enemy when we were little. He was my third worst enemy.

>>53738610
Yeah that sounds like latent transsexuality anon.

posted this once and I have to again. I don't even play dnd- 'srtaya plus isolation means hard luck even on roll20.

But I'm going to bring so many negative assumptions to any game should I get in ,thanks to the autism these threads produce on a near daily basis

>>53739829
>Bethesda games and bioware RPGs are pretty close to base level nerd culture
And it's fucking disgusting.

Little plebs thinking they've got good taste, eugh.
>>53740987
>play stupid games win stupid prizes
The excuse of retards who don't want to think too hard about things.
>>53741058
>Nigga it's fucking satan, dude, mother. fucking. SATAN. Nigga.
Christ you're a piece of cancer.

>>53740794
Brit here

You're full of shit.

>>53739050
Well, for starters, the mission that they were on was to carry a message to someone in the city down the road, and the entire reason the people they were working for were entrusting it to heavily armed mercenaries was because of the bandit problem, and flat out told them that the reason he hired their group as opposed to some others is that someone took ranks in Woodsman and they could stay away from the heavily patrolled road.

>How did they fail to notice it?
By traipsing down the road, not putting any lookouts whatsoever, and taking grueling speed (the highest) "So we can get this milk run over with as soon as possible".

>>53741746
You miss the point of a Fucking game night amigo, you can lose without killing the vibe but your posts make it apparent that you can't understand that and you'd rather insult me repeatedly than admit there was a better option. It's pitiable to be honest and I'm not even trying to be a dick like you are.

>>53734709
He could be just a physically active person. Sitting down for hours makes me fidget too. Just roll the dice on a soft surface. Or learn to juggle.

>>53733045
>hey guys remember (USEFUL TIP HERE), it could save your life! Says a sagely NPC.
>Okay
>Just thought I'd check in again to (REPEAT TIP HERE), I can't stress enough it could save your life.
>Alright, we get it.
>Okay just before you go into the dungeon remember (HELPFUL TIP AGAIN)
>Yeah dude we get it! We Remember!
>They don't remember .
>Man that boss/dungeon/etc was unfair!

>>53735544
I see no issue in asking what type of skill roll would be appropriate for a given situation. It inherently teaches your players what is appropriate for what and should make your game more streamlined in the long run.

>>53734061
Just drop the ones that never show up and ESPECIALLY that little faggot who's trying to stir the pot. Oh no one really wants to show up and I should cancel? Well now it is. Permanently, for you. Go back to fucking middle school with that shit.

>>53745022
That's not what he said.

>>53734712
It's you. You are the platonic That Guy. The only reasons anyone ever lets you get within 20 meters are the nerd social fallacies.

>>53745118
Serves you right for using such a shit device.

>>53745433
You have clinical autism.

>>53735573
>What else am I supposed to do when bored during session?
Have you tried getting involved and engaging with the game? If you're that fucking unmotivated, just stop wasting everyone else's time and go do something else.

>>53733045
>writing a novella's worth of backstory for their character
Fuck you, I ain't got time for that. 3 paragraphs or less.

>>53738863
Or if someone shakes the table at all, such as when writing or rolling other dice or doing anything of or related to PLAYING THE FUCKING GAME.

Jam a dice tower up your ass and go RP on gaia. You can be as irritating as you want there.

>>53739726
>many people are uncomfortable with telling even their closest friends about their abuse.
Which is in part because so many people don't care. They don't want to know anything about their friends beyond what sports teams they like, what shows/movies they watch, and what games they play. Anything else is "too heavy" and "a downer", thus a reason to completely cut off contact. It never changes, it never gets better, and it never stops. Why even bother trying in the first place? Trying just gets you hurt, and the people who pretend to care only do it long enough to hurt you more. At least when I'm alone the pain is consistent.

>>53745449
You have terminal butthurt. It's incurable, you'll just have to learn to live with it. Preferably away from other people.

>>53745881
Anon you have to admit not being able to recognise satire that heavy is 100% on you.

>>53733045
>Character is extremely good at sneaking, spying and investigating
>Wants other PCs do it instead of him, because character don't have 100% chance to succeed
>Other PCs are shit at stealth

>>53745816
Those aren't friends. They're acquaintances, buddies in the colloquium. They're cheap entertainment and not good for much more than moving some furniture.

Everyone else just has their own demons and can't play perfect mommy all the time which is why we pay a man 200 bucks an hour for a 50 minute session each week instead of taking it out on ourselves and everyone else because our expectations are unrealistic.

>>53745816
lol retard

>>53741481
Bonus: "This edition did it wrong!"

>Player makes a bulwark character with massive armor class, resistances, hit points, and melee stength
>Never goes through a door first

>>53734831
You can be demoted between seasons when the new placement rolls around, so maybe that's what they meant. Overwatch seasons last approximately the same as actual real-world seasons.

>>53741344
damn man you should try and get your head out of your ass and understand what other people are saying before you make some bizzarre rant about things that are obvious even to two year olds. If you don't think battling literally satan could be fun then you are the uncreative one here.

>>53742928
Tips fedora continues brooding in corner

>>53745442
Man, players are so damn dense it doesn't matter how creative you get.

>>53733045
>playing D&D

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>>53740892

>>53734185
>>get ambushed by gang with pistols
>>"I'll attack them with my melee weapon!"
21 foot rule

>>53749143
That's only applicable against one opponent with a holstered pistol, and only as far as getting the first hit in. It actually takes a long time for someone to be incapacitated by lethal knife wounds, which is why so many knife murders involve 20-50 stab wounds. There's no winner in a knife fight, as they say.

>>53740892
>Literally hundreds of dollars worth of good whiskey
>Drank with root beer
I'm so sorry for your loss.

>>53752685
Store brand root beer no less. On the upside, kicking him out had no detrimental effect on our group.

>>53752935
You only kicked him out? I'm surprised, although it's possible you're being smart and not incriminating yourself when he's reported missing.

>>53733896
making that character now

>>53752960
Like I said, my friends had to physically restrain me. One of them escorted him out and basically said, "Yeah, so you really fucked up. You're a total douche and you shouldn't come back. Can't really guarantee that we'd get to him before he got to you. Later fag."

>party consists of a number of heavier fighting builds
>party face crafts a strategy relying on every single member being highly built on stealth
>refuses to be talked out of it
>execute plan, goes miserably
>face looks at us: "things would have been fine if you all didn't fuck it up"

This guy has done it in both the campaigns I've played with him (5e and shadowrun)

>>53733682
Not that anon, but no... never.

>>53733045
Players think hating each other out and selling each other out is funny. Act and talk as if they would sell the people they've fought and bled beside (have literally saved each others lives) for a single gold coin. It pisses me off because then there is almost no reason for the party to continue on together after the immediate threat is dealt with. I mean they can't trust each other so don't talk to each other and when they do its just a pissing contest. This isn't even me as a GM this is me as a Player.

>>53752935
>>53753362
While I will file this under "things that never happened", it is the sort of situation that would cause me to feel much rage. They wouldn't have made it out without a few bruises at minimum.

My friends know I am worse than a jew when it comes to my money and if anyone pissed it away like that, they're going to pay. And the only accepted currencies are blood and coin.

>>53733045
>GM brags about how he puts consequences on players

Look dude I get it you want your game-world to be believable, and so do I. But if I wanted to spend my time getting saddled with needlessly-excessive permanent burdens, then I'd be gambling and knocking up my girlfriend instead of playing make-believe in your basement. If I wanted a perfect real-life simulator, I'd just go outside. I get plenty of reality in real life, so I play these fucking games so I can try to not deal with it for a few hours each week. I'm not asking you to to strip challenge out of your games, and that's not what I want, but at least just keep in mind what we're trying to accomplish here and whether making us wait in-game months to mend a broken bone is actually going to be conducive to that.

>>53733045
>Pulls out phone.
>Sits there browsing shit or texting.
>Something happens that involves them.
>"Wait, what's going on?"

Personally I hate mobile phones and think you shouldn't be pulling them out in the middle of a session unless someone is actually calling you, if they're sending you text messages clearly it isn't urgent and doesn't require your immediate attention. But that's my hangup, I'm not gonna force my players to conform to my views on it. So I usually just play on as if they were lost in thought or not paying attention IC - get caught off guard if combat is starting, miss your turn if combat is ongoing, fail the roll automatically because you don't even know what you're rolling against to resist, ect. I figure that's a good balance between a minor punishment and what's fair to the other players without being preachy or an asshole about it.

>>53745690
>gaia
2005 just called and they want their "go back to gaia" joke back. I think Reddit and Tumblr are the go-to boogyman sites nowadays, slowly being replaced by /pol/.

>>53754913
The chan represented by the number two to the power of three, who fancy themselves to be twice the chan we are, would probably be a boogeyman if the invocation of its name weren't forbidden.

>captcha: Eternal September

>>53734185
>maybe I should have played a different build
kek

>>53733097
>>Level 1 character
>>No backstory
Are you actually retarded?

>>53733097
>>53733097
Do your characters exist in a quantum state and spontaneously appear or something bud? Or did a rock fall and give him amnesia seconds before you started playing.

>>53735060
>willingly play with your bronze-elo gf
>get mad and scream at her when she underperforms to your Platinum-tier standards
Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

>>53734785
if nothing else just say you have amnesia and you'll flesh it out later

>>53738654
My wife is like this. She's gotten much better over the nearly 10 years we've been together, but it was, and still is extraordinarily frustrating. I'm not even going to lie and say that love is the reason we're together - it was willpower and stubbornness on both our parts because neither wanted to be the one to "lose" (leave the relationship). Turned out well in the end though, she's a pretty amazing woman for all her faults and I'm pretty happy with the outcome. Stick with it >>53738475 and >>53738671 I'm sure there's a person worth being around in there somewhere.

>>53738610
I almost exclusively play characters of the opposite sex. No real reason - I play them very similar to when I play a character that matches my sex. I think in the end it's because when I envision the group in my mind, it's much more enjoyable to have at least one pretty girl hanging around than a full group of beefsticks. It's much the same logic as why I play almost all girls in vidya - I enjoy looking at them much more than if I had to stare at a dude every time there's a cutscene.

>>53739297
Anon, he was obviously referring to Brazil

>>53740407
I'm an American and I've seen all of those. The entire episodes which those sketches are taken from also how dare you leave out the ministry of silly walks?

>>53757358
Now I wouldn't mind that. The reason I don't like players playing the opposite sex is that almost everytime I've seen them do it, they've been complete whores who just want to ERP and/or magical realm.

>>53757292
>there might be a good person in there!
A) I get nothing out of continuing the relationship
B) He's a fucking twat that cannot handle a single slight to his character. For example, he told a NPC to "go fuck yourself" and when the NPC responded in kind, the player got booty blasted.

Since he seems to be the stereotype of 4chins autists everywhere, minus the body fat, I have no issues dropping that ass hole.

>>53740942
>with strangers
Stop playing with people you don't know and start playing with your friends like a reasonable human being.

>>53754913
>slowly being replaced by /pol/.
go back to /pol/ has been a thing for as long as /pol/ has been a thing

>>53757882

My sweet summer child

>>53733997
All DMs are reincarnated shards of Hitler

>>53734185
I had something similar

>get ambushed by some monsters
>"I smile and greet them 'Hello, friends'"
>gets killed
>"You're a shit DM"

Don't worry if you die. There is always a cleric or a druid you can repay in quests for rezzing. Just take care and remember death is just another Grand quest!
>if I ever die Omg Ill never play your game that I invested a huge amount of time to play. Fuck you if you build your encounters rationally.

I know previous dms we played with were low magic and low gold so let me make it a regular to high gold gain and since you are in a big city you get acces to the magic stuff.
>Fuck this! I don't have any money. Fuck this useless +2 dagger that I purchased but still won't sell.
Remember that I like positive metagame. Help eachother out and try not to kill eachother. We are playing a political/economy sim but please try not to kill eachother because Ill have a hard time dealing with rl whining.
>im gonna bully the wizard and be obnoxious because the wizard once lipped me on knowing more about magic then me a knife handling assassin.
>I'm gonna make death threats to the wizard even if she can obliterate me.
>The players bummed out face every time he does this.
>My nerves when he insists the world is made to accomodate to their heroic stories.
I won't kill him outright but either the wizard will or some of the high end devils he pissed off.
And I'm gonna love his face when his soul is sold off in the nine hells.

>>53757882
Which basically goes for every containment board.

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I play/DM entirely online, so it's a bit harder to keep the reins in place.

>"Player A, you take X damage."
>silence
>"Player A? You there?"
>"Huh? Oh sorry, I was watching E3/wrestling/this youtube video/doing anything else other than the game everyone else is paying attention to."

Or

>"Ok, I'm doing X."
>"Sweet. That concludes your ten second turn. Player A, you're up."
>"Huh? Oh uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-"
>two minutes later of questions of what happened just two seconds ago
>"I do this basic action."

Or (happened today)

>"Can I play X for this new campaign?"
>"No, it's not appropriate."
>campaign ends; starts again
>"Can I play X for this new campaign?"
>"No, it's not appropriate.."

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>>53733045
>Player doesn't think with basic tactics, they just look at their sheet and throw the highest damage weapon/spell/item they have at the enemy.

>Player who has been in the campaign for six levels says, "What dice do I use for that?" After declaring an attack.

>Group is fighting hostile mutant guard dogs ready to chomp the first thing it sees that moves
>Player tries to stealth in closer, fails, initiates combat
>Group starts killing mutant dogs
>Stealth player: But I wanted to try and befriend the dogs!
>They don't even have the proper skills for that

Also on a similar note to that
>Player constantly tries to use skills they haven't trained in expecting good results
>They never bother to put points in those skills as they level
>Alternatively, player attempts to use their highest skill for EVERYTHING
>"Can I use disable device on the orc's sword?"

Nothing. Good players I have

>>53733045
>players who try to be the main character
What always amazes me is how often they claim they aren't doing it, but their backstory is loaded with "plot hooks the GM can use" that are less ways to motivate the party or spice up a story and more entire novellas wanking their PC off and they push by any hook that isn't specifically baited for them while resisting any other player trying to take a nibble.

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>>53759342
>Running a fairly regular Pathfinder campaign, all of the players have pretty straightforward builds.
>New player, who's been obsessing over Guardians of the Galaxy lately, approaches me with a build they found online that allows them to play as Rocket Raccoon in a fucking medieval fantasy setting if they take a shit ton of third-party splat shit, weird feat combinations and splitting their levels between like three different classes.
>They throw a passive-aggressive hissy-fit when I deny it and tell them to try coming up with a more regular and appropriate character concept on their own.

>>53733045
>bitching about dice rituals in a 40k game
No, anon, the only fool here is you.
Most of this is badwrongfun shit.

>>53733718
Doesn't make it less stupid.
>>53751661
Unless the game is intensely realistic, I've seen more than a few where you can win that fight, so long as you fight smart and don't just run at them.
>>53740892
>drank all my fucking Yamazaki 18 year IN ROOT BEER!
Whiskey god bless you, anon, my heart bleeds for your loss.

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>>53733745
If the jokes start to annoy me I just go through with it.

>I TOUCH THE ITEM LOL
>Ok you touch the item and are teleported 1000 miles under the sea, you are split from your party.

>Talking to Queen of the Kingdom
>Asks me how hot she is
>Starts high fiving other players talking about he'd bang her
>Have her champion challenge him to a duel for insulting her honour
>But It was out of game

>>53734061
I had 6 players. We all agreed on one night of the week being the only night that worked for everyone.

At the start they thought it was ok to cancel if they couldn't come.

I started putting my foot down and ran for just two people, then made the other four spend a session retracting their steps to find them.

>>53754913
/pol/ came first.
Reddit as a boogeyman is an artifact of /pol/ invasion, as that is THEIR boogeyman.

>>53733045
>Monty Python references
>Spouting memes no one knows
>Spouting memes actually


Never ever actually seen either of these in my ... 21(?!) years of playing. My table, other peoples table, or even on fucking podcasts. Just doesn't happen, but people certainly SAY they do.
>21
Shit I'm an old-fag.
>Sad Pic

>>53733045
>Complaining about realism in a high magic game
YES! Or even Sci-fi where we've long by-passed the old (current) understanding of science

>Not taking notes in a previous area and then getting stuck
Unless the DM specifically says he wants PCs to keep track a head of time, this can very well be the DMs fault. Especially if it's not actually a puzzle or maze and just a run of the mill dungeon.

>Character is basically indistinguishable from Guts or Brienne or Drizzt or Hermione
>Spouting memes actually
I do the XYZ attack just like some-body-chan!
Who I ask?
You know! Some-body-chan from This-Anime.
I haven't seen it.
Fuck man! You are OUT of the loop. seriously HOW could you NOT Knnoooow! My character IS Some-body-chan!

Happens so often I told the last guy that did it, if he expects me to know what he's been watching to play in MY game he should find another game somewhere else. Yes that was a dick, move but I should not be expected to know anything other than what's on my player's sheets. He still plays under me, but doesn't bring up show references anymore.

>>53760390

>considers himself old at 21

Please consider that you're probably playing a game that's older than you, and talking to people who were old enough to play it when it was new.

Probably.

You are still a babby.

>>53760599
>old at 21
Might want to check your glasses there, the guy said he'd been playing for 21 years.

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>>53745690

>He plays on a shitty table that moves when you write on it.

>>53733485
I wish my DM would do this. A pack of grizzly bears, yes a pack, attacked our party and fought to the death even when we set them on fire.

>>53734270
I've solved this by telling my players that they declare an action, then I tell them if a roll is needed and what they're rolling. Any rolls made before that point cannot be used.

I mainly adopted it to get rid of the "can I roll X to solve this problem" mentality, since the answer is always "no," but damn it's a nice side effect.

>>53759342
>>"Huh? Oh sorry, I was watching E3/wrestling/this youtube video/doing anything else other than the game everyone else is paying attention to."
>Cool, thanks for coming, we wont need you again in this game.
Then kick them.

Problem solved.

>>53759342
>"Sweet. That concludes your ten second turn. Player A, you're up."
>"Huh? Oh uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-"
>your character hesitates, clearly unsure of what to do next. Player B, what are you doing?

>>53733745
>group playing cyberpunk 2020
>my brother's playing a near-cyberpsycho ripperdoc with more or less no reason to be in the black-ops police squad we're in
>he's also played multiple characters antagonistic towards the group over the last three campaigns
>multiple, as in he's died in two of those campaigns and had to make another
>kills a bunch of civvies on our first mission
>while being chewed out by the boss and told he'll get arrested if he tries anything like that again, says 'WELL i'd just kill everyone if they tried'
>dm reacts appropriately, character gets put on heavy watch and has a 'black mark' put on his profile
>we all now have clearance to immediately execute him if he does anything suspicious
>next mission goes well, besides him trying to run over and then kidnap a perp
>team sniper shows amazing restraint in merely disabling him
>on the way home he's bitching about how he didn't actually mean the 'kill everyone' thing and it was just a joke the DM took seriously
>also says he just wanted to kidnap the perp to clear his own name by personally delivering him to base
>he didn't mention ANY of this at the time
>takes me explaining at length how it all looks from literally anybody elses' perspective before he understands how he fucked up
>also discover that a fair few moments of him dicking over the party also boiled down to 'I DO (WACKY THING)' 'jokes' that he never went back on
>finally convince him to make an unequivocally good character for once, and drop his current one
>also explain to him how radical non-lethals are in this system
>we now have a doctor character who can reliably take out a suspect non-lethally, and probably isn't going to dick us around
>probably
>we'll see

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>the group has a separate chat channel during the game for OOC comments
>literally every die roll is followed by all the players writing AWWW YEAAAAH or FUUUUUUUUUCK in unison before even knowing whether the roll succeeded or failed
Keep your eyes on the main chat for fuck's sake.

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>players refuse to read the manual
>despite knowing about the game a week in advance, and me pestering them every couple days, they didn't make their characters until the session started
>it took two whole hours
>adamant that they know how to play based on epic screencaps they've seen
>have to stop and explain rules to them every 5 minutes
>despite constantly wanting to do wacky shit they show absolutely no initiative
>lots of uncomfortable silences until one of them says they expect me to give them suggestions and tell them about all the places they are allowed to go
>one player actually thought you had to roll for every possible action, including things like grabbing a drink, walking, or sitting down

what a waste of an afternoon

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>>53760353
Nah, Leddit was a boogeyman before that.

play tabletop games

>>53741843
I take notes. It helps with others who may have missed a session, and my GM enjoys it since he realizes I'm paying attention

>>53740892
Holy fuck, sounds like a person I used to play with. I almost want to buy a new bottle for you.

>>53740892
What a waste of root beer.

>>53760428
>He still plays under me, but doesn't bring up show references anymore.
Why would he? You fucking sperged at him when all he was doing was showing enthusiasm and recommending a series.

>>53761434
I'd argue that bringing up a random anime and using the opportunity to create a unique, distinctive persona with its own playstyle just to mimic some cartoon character is a fair bit more spergy than telling the person doing it not to be a moron

>>53733045
>player rolls dice
>says what they were rolling for after getting the result
Fuck you.

>>53760787
Old habits die hard.

>>53735690
We have one guy in our group who always does this and always wants to have animal companions with complicated rules. We borrowed the Paranoia rule of "5 seconds to state your action or you're paralysed by indecision"
Fuck off people who kill the tension of combat.

>>53737651
Well getting tainted is a pretty big deal. Honestly the worst thing about being tainted is that it can sometimes derail the long term goals/story you had for a character. Which could be frustrating for a player but it's not like it's an ultimate death sentence. You can just ignore it, start wearing jade on your skin and not chump your end of mod resistance rolls. Sure it's a big deal but your player sounds bloody infantile.

>>53754757
>whether making us wait in-game months to mend a broken bone is actually going to be conducive to that.
holy shit

Here's the shit I experience as a player
>GM going off of the starter kit campaign with slight modification
>fellow players trying to befriend feral animals
>fellow players fucking around and taking 20 minutes to finish their turn
>asking to do something stupid, rolling critical and having the GM get astronomically buttblasted

>>53734831
If you fall down to silver/gold SR you'll be ranked with silver and gold people, no matter what the shiny icon on your name says.

>>53762962
>GM going off of the starter kit campaign with slight modification
Is that really a bad thing if the GM is inexperienced(with the system, or in general)?

I don't do any of these things, and I wouldn't care if someone else did.

I'm just lonely and never get to play.

>guy does borat accent for all of his characters
>all of his characters can fly
>anytime someone attacks him he gets upset
>anytime someone goes to grab him he says he's in the air despite completely forgetting to fly up into the air
>when ever he gets hit twice in one battle he has an actual tantrum
>takes the longest on his turns consistantly but when ever someone takes half the time he does he hurries them along
>always plays a messager of a god and gets upset when everyone in my setting doesn't belive him right away
>points at his "all eyes on me" trait anytime someone doesn't get on with him and says ehh this means everyone always likes me.
>he gets upset anytime anyone other than him solves a problem despite his solution to everything being violence.

>>53760390
Well I've seen some of that in my 9ish years of playing/DMing. Then again a fair portion of the people I've played with do like the assorted works of Monty Python. Much less of it these days though. Partly because we've been playing long enough that our go to jokes tend to be based on stupid things we've done in past games...

>>53763004
Generally or when it's a new GM/system, no.
In more specific cases it could be.
Such as if any of the players have played it before or if the setup was a railroad tutorial for newbies.
But broadly speaking there's nothing wrong with using premade/starter content assuming it's not badly put together.

>>53763004
It is when my GM has GM'd a fistful of campaigns and is too lazy to make up his own.

>>53740396
Bwahaha. Story time? I'm curious about the details

>>53734712
>You have to write a 2 pages backstory, Times New Romans, font size 12, for a character that may very well die in the first session.

Is double-spaced okay?

>>53739471
>But like I said, GM has been trying to keep me from leaping off of tall buildings and the like with no consequences. He forgets every now and then (usually after we miss a week for whatever reason) so I get to fall with excellent style with no consequences. Otherwise I'd be able to help the party skip paste entire fights or make them stupidly easier by flanking the enemies.

I find it kind of hard to believe that you can solve so many problems by simply falling for long distances that it becomes a problem.

>>53763872
Then you'd be surprised at what you can do when falling damage is no longer relevant. Besides, it took a couple years of play to get to that point. Ring has just been too damn useful.

>>53749143
>21 foot rule

Wot zat?

>>53763089
Sounds like an annoying fuck to play with on the regular, especially if it's always the same stench of bullshit. every. single. time.

If I was GM I'd start telling the fuck that if he didn't specifically say he was flying, then he wasn't fucking flying. I'd be getting tired of that shit really fast and start bringing it up firmly and often.

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>>53733045
>player has a normal, inconsequential, actually pretty decent idea
>"hey GM, what would happen if my character did this?"

I have one player who does this every single god damn time. Every time he has a decent idea, he thinks I'd tell him if it'd have any unforeseen consequences. And then inevitably I say "I don't know, why don't you try it and find out?" and he backs out because he's too fucking paranoid that maybe it'll have some kind of negative consequence.

>>53765597
Have you tried talking to them about it?

>>53765067
>The Tueller Drill is a self-defense training exercise to prepare against a short-range knife attack when armed only with a holstered handgun. Sergeant Dennis Tueller, of the Salt Lake City, Utah Police Department wondered how quickly an attacker with a knife could cover 21 feet (6.4 m), so he timed volunteers as they raced to stab the target. He determined that it could be done in 1.5 seconds. These results were first published as an article in SWAT magazine in 1983 and in a police training video by the same title, "How Close is Too Close?". A defender with a gun has a dilemma. If he shoots too early, he risks being accused of murder. If he waits until the attacker is definitely within striking range so there is no question about motives, he risks injury and even death. The Tueller experiments quantified a "danger zone" where an attacker presented a clear threat.

So in gameplay terms it relates to how far a melee character can be from an enemy with a ranged weapon and still reasonably stand a chance of trying to rush them before getting shot.

>>53760608
>not playing /tg/ in the womb
summer's here folks

>>53735690
To be fair this can happen for legitimate reasons.
Just last night during my game I had planned to do something on my turn, but then the player who went immediately before me fixed the problem I was going to solve, so I had to spend some time thinking of a new action to take.

>>53738509
>Natural 20/1 on a skill check means instant success/failure
This meme needs to die, holy shit.

>Making a roll and after the result comes up they say what they want to do
The most I would allow a player to do is describe the fashion in which they succeed or fail, without any other mechanical effect.
For example, I once had a player horribly fail at using Diplomacy to increase an NPC's attitude by complimenting on their cooking, so the explanation they gave is that they ended up audibly gagging on the food.

>>53735298
This, do you lead like, 15 minute sessions? You can lead the best game ever and still have people building dice stacks or drawing on their sheet.

>>53745433
>>53739588
D-do you have actual medical problems (or just that desperate to be right about something)? It's clearly satire

>>53765716
Specifically firearms that are fairly easy to aim and fire. Something like a longbow's going to take a hell of a lot longer to aim properly.

>>53734402
>>53734402
I have the need to constantly make drum rhythms, at the dinner table, at games, during conversation and all other things, you know what I did?

I stopped doing it when I was 12 because it immensely annoys others and I hate it when others do it! Get some freaking willpower you autistic excuse making fucktard. Yes I still do it but only subconsciously for 5 seconds before I notice it and STOP!

>>53733745
This exact problem is why one of my house rules is always "If you drop a relevant die, I don't care what you said, it happened now."

That tends to chill their autism a bit. Especially when I make good on my threat.

>>53767536
>clearly
depends on your view of humanity
I can imagine there being some guys that would actually say this, honestly
Remember: The average person is pretty dumb, and half the population is dumber

>>53746389
>Player puts everything towards using a bow
>Only ever charges in with shortsword

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>>53733045
>Stuff Players Do That Make You Cringe

Not show up to five sessions in a row with no explanation.

>>53733045
>Post their OC's in the /aco/ drawthread after getting them filled in this drawthread

This one is worryingly specific.

>>53771444
It happens RATHER OFTEN

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>usually GM
>someone else decides to GM
>"man, I was getting kind of out of hand during that session"
>reflect on my behavior
>tfw I did everything that my players do that I hate

please someone end me

There is a player at my table who makes me cringe multiple times a night Everytime we play. For starters, his character is a barbarian who is also a small Asian girl who dual wields katanas. Secondly, anytime someone does something cool he immediately tries to one up them on his turn, not by rolling dice or using his character effectively, but by saying "I'm going to try to grab him and cut his throat" all while having no fucking idea how that is accomplished in game. He rolls an attack and expects it to do that. On top of all that, he doesn't even know the rules of two weapon fighting and constantly wastes everyone's time with rolls that are just plain wrong. Anytime he tries to roleplay his character out of combat it's the lamest "I'm a badass who is super tough" bullshit I've ever heard, forgetting his character is a small Asian girl. I could go on. It's a damn shame too cos the dm is amazing and me and the cleric have one of the best Dynamics character wise I've ever seen in a game.

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>Younger folks who got into the hobby via Critical Role, and show it

I don't even hate the show, but holy shit if I hear someone scream "NATURAL TWENTY" one more fucking time

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>Obviously evil shrine with cursed water, do not touch
>The cleric, the one with highest WIS and one with highest knowledge in religions, touches the water anyways
>Throws up very loudly, and alerts the next door mini-boss

I'm sure the player trying to be as useless a party member as he can get away with.

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>>53772243
been there lol. it's liberating but obnoxious

>>53734185
>tiefling level 1 character
>plays a game of one-upping a devil-hating warrior-priest who has a reputation as a devil-killer
>warrior-priest is almost blatantly saying "just give me a reason to kill you"
>tiefling decides to cast a spell
>warrior-priest attacks level 1 character, rolls max damage
>tiefling at 0 HP
>"It was just a cantrip, you're a shit DM"
>tiefling quits

>>53763675
Double-spaced is required.
Don't forget MLA 8th heading

>hey can I play as Saitama in this game of Rogue Trader
>sure, but only if you shove an entire mason jar up your ass, no lube, and live stream it to the group

fuck man, I didn't expect you to actually do it

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>>53760996
How new to 4chan are you? Less than 5 years?

>"Can we play D&D? After all, it's famous, so it should be good"
From last meeting with a group in which 3 out of 5 people are complete greenhorns.

>>53740407
Spam. Spam. Spam Spam Spam Spam.

>>53740407
The meaning of life fucking kills in the states, my dude.

>>53740892

That man is a monster. Putting him under ground would be too kind.

>>53741178
They wrote the Funniest Joke. They just can't tell it. It would kill us all. From laughter.

>>53734550
>unrelated, but worth noting.
then it's not unrelated

>>53760787
If he saw that his supposed jokes were being taken seriously and impacting him negatively he'd have either stopped or explained it was a joke in an attempt to escape the negative consequences, not far after they occurred and certainly not after many negative consequences.

Even if they weren't a joke if he'd thought of that lie he'd have played that card sooner. This makes two things almost certain. First of all, he didn't mean it as a joke. Second of all, he didn't even think of playing it off as a joke any of the times he was "joking" and thought it up way after the fact.

Now that you've accepted his lie as truth (as your message seems to indicate) he can try to back out of the dumb shit in the future and if you don't let him he'll complain that not only was he joking but you accepted that he was joking before and are now going back on it. Regardless of whether or not you told him you believed him you need to institute a simple and agreeable rule to prevent it in the future, one that seems to benefit him and not you to make sure he can't fight it.

I would suggest he either follows jokes up immediately with telling you it's a joke (immediately, before you react to it) or, if you'd like to take the responsibility out of his hands just ask him "are you sure?" when he offers a bad idea, giving him a chance to either confirm it or claim it as a joke. To keep people from metagaming sprinkle that question following not stupid commands now and then from both him and the other players. Hope this is helpful and I apologize for how wordy I am in explaining shit.

>>53733045
>telling other players what to do in combat, or just backseating everybody else in general
I'm talking to you, Jay

>>53734075
Keke

>>53735072
>Magic doesn't give you a free license to write in whatever the fuck you feel like at the time, magic will explain big bullshit but it won't explain more mundane bullshit

Thank God, another same person. Now go into a 5eg thread and say that. I don't even have a realism fetish but if I mention ANYTHING that is Wile E Coyote physics, my players quite literally grab me and say "ANON....ITS FANTASY"

I love them but when they do that shit it makes me want to pound them in the face. Probably why it enrages me so much when I see it on /tg/.

>not roleplaying at all
>always talking/meming out of character
>sitting around behind laptop doing nothing related to the game
>characters appearing where they want to even whsn they were clearly miles away
Andmost of all
>not listening to complaints from the gm who does everything for them

Not sure if i want to shoot myself for being a fun hating fuck or them for their ignorance

>>53735421
That's not because of shitty gaming, it's because Savage Worlds is a shitty system that tries too hard to reinvent the wheel. The exploding die and raise mechanics make any form of encounter balance/planning impossible. A rank 1 novice can one-shot a dragon with lucky die rolls using his fist. The system boasts that bennies are used for "cool things" like players changing narrative or pulling off impossible stunts, but players just hoard them for use as extra hit points. The chase system (any iteration of it) is an absolute shit storm of retardation. The 3-wound limit is just plain bad game design. The community is full of sad 40-something-year-old zealots who foam at the mouth at any notion of house ruling the assy mechanics. Shotguns are utterly broken and despite having the same average damage as a rifle, end up dealing twice as much because of exploding dice. The entire game works on a fucktarded tabletop scale so you either have to use miniatures for EVERY combat or have fun doing extra math every time you want to figure out range penalties.

>>53740942
>my most expensive possession
>my phone

Oh look a 12 year old! If your phone is even in your top 10 most expensive possessions then you need to commit suicide asap

>trying to act in character with a different voice than your normal
Cringe

>>53760072
>"Can I use disable device on the orc's sword?"
"Okay, roll for it."
"I rolled a 20. That means I disarmed him, right?"
"You did not find any traps on the orc's sword."

>>53776305
i mean i can see how it would be cringe if some guy is pitching him self up to and extreme or ya know other ridiculous shit like having an annoying voice you insist on making because "its my characters voice"
But having a slightly different voice can help people get into character

>>53761589
I'd disagree. I find that pulling rank and going "well it's MY game and if you EXPECT ME to know about YOUR HABITS in MY GAME then you should leave MY GAME." sounds really childish.

>>53733485
>Complaining that the NPCs shouldn't know the game rules or act tactically according to them
>Metagames furiously on their own turns

>>53733745
I have no problem with this, as long as the player has a sense of humour and isn't just being obnoxious. Autistic seriousness is cancer.

>>53735294
What I find the most cancerous is when people start breaking the rules in favour of "realism", which they will inevitably have no actual clue about.

>>53735703
It's a spoken game. How is it a problem to anyone if I'm drawing while we play?

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>>53775359
Is it still backseating if you are reminding people of bonuses or extra dice they roll for different traits? I feel like if I don't do that then the other guy gimping himself also gimps the team. This happens at least twice a session with my fiance who seems allergic to actually reading his fucking character sheet.

At that point I feel like I'm the training wheels, not the backseat driver. I'd take off the training wheels but we're all riding that bike so it's in my best interest to keep it from crashing.

>New player joins
>He's playing a Gunslinger
>Guns are a relatively new thing in the setting, so his shoddily built homemade gun isn't a pretty sight
>The Rogue steals it from him
>He goes to craft another, scrounging up as many supplies as he can
>"I steal that one too once he goes to sleep"
Fuck the dickass thief trope.

>be playing first game woth a group
>Dont know these guys, its a big event gamer get together
>get pathfinder out play maybe 20 minutes
>one guy, been half assing the entire time
>guy sits back and says "I want to tell you I am about to fart"

Dumbass piece of shit, never again will I dm with people I dont know.

>>53774277
I'm fairly sure the reddit image came first.
Not that it matters, anti/pol/fags like you are useless to the board as a whole.

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>>53775359
>DM loves doing "puzzle" fights that require us to target particular things or take particular actions to win effectively.
>Be one of two players in the group who are actually tactical.
>Second player is usually only tactical about his own character's actions, doesn't expect the rest of the party to coordinate with him or even assist him.
>Remaining two players are greenhorns and don't into strategy at all.
>I end up in-character shouting commands or suggestions to the others ALL the time.
>Character is a high-charisma bard type so it at least makes sense for him to do so.
>Retroactively feel bad every time I suggest a course of action, feel like I'm basically playing their character for them.
>Restrain myself to only shouting commands when it's my initiative, and only if it's a really obscure thing the other players might not pick up on themselves.
>Still feel bad, despite helping the party win and everyone else expressing general positivity for me taking command.

>>53734712
>Any people later than 5 minutes to the game will not be accepted back without a written apology.
I choked on my frosted flakes.

>>53733045
People getting high or really drunk and then wonder why everyone is annoyed with them when they don't know what's going on, don't realize it's their turn and everyone is waiting for them and constantly cough/giggle when the DM is describing something.

>>53777894
Before the first time, as the GM you should remind the player "this is a cooperative thing. If you're going to be actively fucking other people, I'm kicking you out."

>>53774394
whats wrong with this

This just happened, in a 1-on-1 conversation IRL while we had some time to kill. More disappointing than cringey.

-Hey, so the pregen you're playing has a "Criminal Contact" feature from his background. Some guy who serves as a middleman between your character and the criminal underground or whatever. Who's that guy? Tell me about him.
>Shouldn't you know? It's probably in the pregen's existing description.
-I checked, it isn't. So, is your contact from the village you're in? Or the capital? You can make it up.
>I don't know, what does it mean
-It'll affect how much help you can get right now and later on, but both choices are viable. A local contact will help you lots next session, a city contact will help you lots whenever you visit the city.
>It's your game I'll leave it up to you
-Dude I just want you to feel better connected to this character. Make him your own, you know? To fit your play style?
>Can you pick for me
-Sigh, alright. Still though. Your character was framed and chased out of his previous gang, can you at least work with me on this one? What was he accused of?
>Uuuuuuh I don't know, it's your game, just pick whatever is best

C'mon dude... I thought you were liking this guy so far, and you seemed enthusiastic earlier. You even made a false identity for him to use. What's wrong?

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>>53781619
Your player wants to play a video game, not an rpg. Sorry dude.

>>53782122

>WHO THE HELL DID YOU BRING HOME HADVAR

I wasn't expecting to chuckle as much as I did.

>>53736078
One of the players in my group is like that every single fucking time he's not able to do something he "built his character to do".

Any fucking time he fails, even if he had great rolls all goddamn session beforehand. He also tries to get any little boost he can, whenever it'd be realistic for it to happen.

Then he gm's, and he's a rules nazi and won't allow any sort of modifiers not listed in the book.

>>53740892
I was going to call bullshit on this until the end. Now I don't care if it's true or not. If there is the slimmest chance this happened, this odious fucking creature needs to be raped to death by vipers for wasting good whiskey.

>>53740892
When did he find the time to drink all your whiskey?

Also, do you still have his character sheet? That'd make this a little more believable.

>>53760072
Now the what do I use to attack thing is understandable if you have long, irregular game schedules

>>53784465
It really is not.
Regardless of game system, "roll to attack" is pretty much always the simplest roll possible.

>>53786578
Damage die can vary pretty wildly. Obviously the d20 is the attack roll, but the damage could be any of them.

>players think a nat 20 is an automatic success no matter what

No you didn't convince the merchant to give you everything he owns for free because you said "give me everything you own for free" then rolled a natural 20

>player just rolls randomly, gets a good roll, then declares he rolled to do x

>players get off into their own conversation about how they imagine a scenario should play out, without involving the DM
>then get upset and call bullshit when the DM says none of that shit happens

why are players so shit? Am I this shit when I'm a player?

>>53775889
Jesus Christ, Wayne calm down

>>53733745
> What did we gms do to deserve this

Be GM's, be self-sacrificing, be the most noble type of existance there is in reality. O, for we are to suffer.