FIELD KIT INSPECTION!

>>53611915
Reporting for duty sir!

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The only thing I was given sir

>>53611965
Good to see somebody is actually on time! But you showed up without your rank insignia Corporal! I know that it's 52 degrees Celsius out here in the desert! But you simply CAN'T be out here, without your insignia! How else will snipers know to shoot you, over somebody else in line!?

>>53611982
Not being given a uniform is no excuse to NOT WEAR A UNIFORM TROOPER! Now go take one off of one of the men, who died of heat stroke!

>>53612022
Right away, sir!

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I like this uniform sir, but I dont think it fits me.

>>53612033
Don't forget to cross out whomever name it is, and replace it with yours! Otherwise I won't be able to properly fill out the paperwork when you die!

>>53611915
sir, i accidentally dropped my lasgun into a pit, and i diligently fished it out, and the mud stuck to it so tightly i can no longer scrape it off, and it now looks like a hotshot volley gun

also sir, i would like to report that my clothing was accidentally washed with the darks, and it has darkened so much that it now looks liek carapace armor

also, i overheard a scion babbling in the latrine, his mind is far gone and believes that he lost all his equipment to a gambling table

forgive me sir, my equipment still works so have mercy on me

>>53612066
You're right! But it makes your head look incredibly tiny, in comparison to the rest of your body! Therefore, enemy snipers will more likely fire at your body, rather than your head! Its brilliant thinking, and pure tactical genius at work!

>>53611915
Reporting for duty sir. Sorry i'm a little late but with the sucsess of my experimental multimetlas I had to go get my experimnetal plasma guns to try out today.
>the "plasma gun" are just Gauss flayers painted blue and red with skulls added on

Sir yes sir! The desert is taking a beating on the machines, and with your permission I could try to sand-proof the machines. I can also fetch some domestic animals for the troops to ride on.

>>53612092
No need to apologise trooper! What you've done, is absolutely BRILLIANT! Now the enemy will believe we were assigned a unit of Tempestus Scions, making them fear for the inevitable sneak attack that will never come! Absolutely BRILLIANT!

>>53612123
Good work Tech-priest! With your technical genius, and my tactical cunning and ingenuity; nothing could POSSIBLY stop this regiment!

>>53612137
Sir, if I may. I recieved a transmission from command. We are being transferred to the Fuel World locked in a civil war of Alterevis VII.

Reporting for duty Sir! Whats it this time? Orks? Renegades? Deamons? If its Orks we could trick them by sending commandos to infiltrate and have one of them say in orkish voice "Dere is nuff dakka" and see them fight each other as the "dakka" ones fight the "choppa" ones

>>53612182
but what about the xenos a few kloms to the north?

>>53612182
This is absolute Madness! We were just deployed here less than a day ago, to deal with some kind of uprising! Where the hell is Corporal Van Kleez when you need him!?

>>53612137
sir, it looks like my lasgun can tear holes in this piece of power armor that a visiting astartes left behind in the latrine

it looks like the mud has somehow made it far more focused

also, it looks like the babbling scion died to the trench plague, the sickness quickly induced necrosis that left scars eerily similar to lasbolt wounds

aso, sir, i found my nametag

>>53612223
>>53612206
Sorry sir, we are being tranported immediately, under orders. It explicitly states it here, and we must leave. The ships will arrive in a few hours, with our replacements, with Tallarn sent here.

>>53612193
I tried that tactic once before, back when I was a junior Commissar on the ice world of Logoth 4. The Orks ended up making bullets out of ice and snow. Each one, the length of an arm...

>the Trai Dat Guerilla skulks out of the bushes
Reporting, sir.

Shit, is it m-morning already?

>>53612223
Reporting *wheeze* for duty, sir. Just gimme a couple minutes to w-wake up.
>he rummages in a pocket for a small canister, which he screws into a port on his rebreather
>he breathes deeply and his pupils dilate
Ah, that oughta do it.

>>53612255
how can you be sure those orders are for us? we dont even know what regiment we are!

>>53612255
No! I utterly REFUSE too let those damned Tallerns, take all the glory! Think they're so much better than us, at desert warfare, just because they were born on a desert world!

>>53612244

Even BETTER! Now the enemy will believe we have Astartes with us! That'll show the enemy who's boss!

Good job on finding your name tag, trooper! You get a gold star on my report!

>>53612295
Yes. It states the orders for the Unknown (marked by a sideways 8) Regiment, and we are to take counter-terrorism activities on that planet.

>>53612316
Why are the tallern assigned here ITS AN ICEWORLD

>>53612316
It states that if you do not leave immediately, the commanding officer will be thrown out of the airlock, and the regiment disbanded.

>>53612295
>>53612255
And the Cog boy is right! Until we've figured out what regiment we are, we can't just go off all "Willy nilly" and leave, right before we obtain any glory! And we especially can't leave before some of you have died for the Emperor! What kind of regiment would we be, if we did that!?

>>53612353
sir, we might be a bigger regiment

>>53612353
We need to check out the potential eldar force north of us.

>>53612353
I believe we could do one quick raid before we leave on a xeno outpost.

>>53612276
Odd... I do think remember there being any bushes over there... I bet the enemy had something to do with this! Tactical genius is what it is! Trying to slowly terraform this desert world, into a jungle world, so that they can sneak attack us! BRILLIANT!!

>>53612292
About time, Corporal!

>>53612337

This only further proves my therapy that the enemy is slowly terraforming the planet, so that they can sneak attack us!

Their commander must be a tactical genius!

>>53612396
I call all the eldar tech! or necron tech or tau tech or really any xenos tech but ork tech

>>53612409
sir, are you sure there just arent different biomes on this planet?

according to this book on geology a passing adept graciously passed to me upon his death, most planets can have dozens of biomes

>>53612372
Nonsense! We have plenty of soon to be corp- I MEAN-! Soon to be HEROES! Soon to be heroes! That's what all of you will be!

>>53612434
Pah! Reading a book! What are you? Some kind of nerd?

Back in my day, when I was a Junior Commissar! We didn't have your fancy-smancy "books"! We had guts, a sense of duty, and plenty of guns! Then again, that was also the back when the high-lords of Terra banned books for a an entire year...

>Frantically running back and forth around the base
Quartermaster... Quartermaster... Why don't we label buildings...

>>53612414
Yes, yes. Just don't let it corrupt you, or what not. I don't like wasting bolt rounds if I can help it.
>>53612341
This isn't the first time I've recieved this sort of order. And I highly doubt it will be the last!

Hmm... Now that I think about. I haven't exactly SEEN your commander since I was assigned here. So I'll assume that's likely already happened to him!

>>53612671
Corporal! You're once again late for the inspection! What is your blasted excuse!? You better not have been trying a "Lawrence of Arabia" out in the desert!

>>53612671
It's a tactical manoeuvre, ya see - if the enemy raid, they won't be able t-to see where the commanders are holed up. Then they can escape *cough* while the rest of us act as meatshields.

>>53612703
I've been searching for a Quartermaster for the better part of the day. I'm starting to believe we don't have one.

>>53612708
>>53612703
You can see Doomhammer on a sentinel, painted in his desert camaflouge, with his armour.
>WE MUST STRIKE
Charge!

>>53612708
Ah yes, the age old "We're more important" tactical retreat! I know that one very well! The tactica imperium describes it rather well.

>>53612722
Under supplied, and undermanaged. Just the way I like my regiments!

Fine then! As of this moment forward, I hereby declare you the quartermaster! Should the men not get the equipment they need; I'll still continue to blame them, as they'll have no reason to not be able to find the quartermaster!

>>53612827
>curses under my breath
T-thank you, Sir... Now where's the building... and the gear... and the everything... Do I get a pay raise?

>>53612865
I'll answer your questions in the order you provided them.

No idea, go find it yourself, and no you don't get a raise! Are there any further questions you have Corporal?

>>53612731
Strike? Strike what? Strike where? Where the hell are you going!? And why are you describing your actions as if you're in an old noir holo-pict!?

>>53612899
>looks down, saddened at my lack of regimental currency
I'll get to work then...

>>53612938
Good!

Now then! Can anybody tell me what we're supposed to be fighting, or even who we are? Its been weeks since the Orks slaughter, and no body has been able to tell me a damn thing!

>>53612918
So *wheeze* Commissar, what's the p-plan of action? So f-far we've got some unknown xenos up north, some rampaging orks t-that are likely to be back any *cough* day now, and some unexplained orders to s-scuttle off to Emperor knows where. S-Seems like we've got *hack* plenty to choose from.

>>53612984
When the hell did the Orks get here!? Also, we're facing eldar as WELL? Hmm... Quite the conundrum we have here, don't we?

Hmm...


By the Emperor, I think I've got an idea! An idea so brilliant, that even an idiot could have thought it up!

brb

>>53613039
We aggravate the Orks into attacking the Eldar!

Its a plan so cunning, that my superiors will have no CHOICE but to promote me!

>>53613217
also, it got REALLY quiet in here.

>>53612972
I could look on the requisitions order in the Quartermasters office... if we had one...

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>>53611915
My ammo sack itches.
Also my hooves hurt.
And my exoskeleton is too tight.
When do we eat?

>>53613286
What strange form of a human are you? I feel like I've seen your specie's somewhere, but I can't quite put my finger on it...

Also, lunch is in a few hours trooper. So suck it up until then!

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>A sleepy squat still in full armour walks out of the ship
What's with all the screaming at 6 in the bloomin mornin!? Ye lads never heard about the benefits of not being sleep deprived? By the ancestors you commisars are a pissed lot.
>Grabs a new bottle of squat beer from his armour and chugs it down, throwing the empty bottle in a nearby bush.

>>53613410
Are my implants malfunctioning or is >>53613286
what I think it is? I think a squat would be a expert

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>>53613393
Reinforcements from the squat homeworlds sir.

>>53613410
Glad you could finally join us, Ironhammer! I'll assume you're in enough of a drunken stupor, that you don't realise that we're on a desert world.

>>53613459
I though this was an iceworld

>>53613447
whats that, lad?
>>53613453
>Looks at the warrior
>looks back at cogboy
>back at the warrior
>Chugs another bottle and throws it at the tyranid.
>>53613469
>>53613459
Its a fucked up world is what it is.

>>53613453
Ah! Carry on then good, oddly shaped squat! You're making the imperium proud by fighting with us!
>>53613447
He's merely another Squat. Albeit, oddly shaped, and doesn't look ANYTHING like a Squat! But he's still a Squat!

>>53613469
Nope! Desert world! Hence why Davidson is STILL running around naked, out on the dunes, while our snipers fire at him!

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>>53613447
what other squat?
I'm the only squat here, anything else must clearly be some sort of space vagrant and not from the squat homeworlds.

>>53613479
> pulls out sacred oils and begins to drink heavily
Im gonna study that biology so hard
Kazrik is a squat, thing that is totally not a tyranid warrior

>>53613517
Uhuh. hey could you do me a solid and look at this real quick, "lad"?
>pulls up book of grudges and opens page on "Tyranids" chapter which takes a quarter of the book
This illustration is that of a tyranid warrior, same kind that stabbed me ancestors with 37 different claws. And funny enough it looks like yer twin bruther!

>whispers to the guardsman next to him
"Is the Commissar just going to pretend that that very obvious Tyranid warrior isn't cocking up the whole formation?"

>>53613517
By the way. That's quite the oddly shaped lasgun you have there! What pattern is it, if you don't mind me asking?

>>53613567
its voss pattern of course, make a lot of odd stuff on that forge world
>winks
>>53613561
> he let me and the world eater in so probably
he let the world eater in >>53612066

Reporting for duty commissar, for grand fat-..the emporer and glory

>>53613561
>He'd storm up to the chatty Guardsmen, hand upon his holstered pistol.

Do you have something you'd like to add to the conversation, trooper?

Also! Where is your name tag?

>>53613598
>Comes back wearing a Krieg style gasmask
Commissar. I found the Quartermaster's building. It was disguised as a complex tunnel and bunker system

>>53613595
Glad too see such a fine looking, green and grey coloured trooper join our ranks!

Although, I suggest you get a new uniform trooper! Yours appears to be torn up and covered in pus and blood!

>>53613557
Look here fancy bearded snack-man, I'm the one who's actually from the squat homeworlds here, now would you kindly just wait a few hours until the commissar appointed time of feasting begins?

>>53613567
That is because it is based on superior squat biology! I mean.. Technology!

>>53613598
"A-Ah, NO, sir! Uh, Glory to the Emperor, sir!"
>dusts mud and dried blood off of nametag with free hand
"Right here, sir! Sorry, sir!"

>>53613621
Congratulations Quartermaster! Now go help >>53613595 with finding a new uniform!

>>53613636
it is a blessing, err I mean tactical choise sir, when I lie down people think I'm dead so I can get up and spread the fa- emporers wrath to the xenos

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>>53613667
You seem wounded, let me treat you for a second
with bleach and oxyclean

>>53613650
Good lad, private Harkins!

>He'd Pat the man lightly on the cheek.

Perhaps we'll make a Guardsmen out of you yet! And with my cunning, and tactical genius, you may even get to live long enough to make it to Corporal!

>>53613647
>Begins to guffaw heartily
well, i dint know tyranids had a sense of humor. Anyway, ye sniffling timid puss-filled pee soaked ooze-lover, tell me. Does this boltpistol smell like the genocide of an entire race to you?
>shoots it in the nose

>>53613691
COMMISAR I HAVE FOUND A HERETEK, he is putting something on me that is ruining my TACTICAL DISGUSE so I cant venerate the dar- EMPORER.

IT ALSO HURTS

>>53613715
uhhhh....
>tightens the straps on the gasmask
Hi there...

>>53613724
hello there fellow meat shield in sevice to the greatest god of all and only true god.
how are you today?

>>53613715
>>53613691
He's right. you need something a bit better than that. here have this
>Hands cogboy a bottle of squat ale
I've been holding onto this one for a couple thousand years or so. I think it might have passed the 100% limit that alcohol can usually reach.

>>53613667
>The Commissar would squint his one good eye, and refocus the blue light of his bionic eye, as he takes a closer look at the man.

Dear God Emperor!

That's a BRILLIANT IDEA! We throw so many men at the enemy in a fake assault, that once the battle ends, and they try to counter attack, we have the dozens upon dozens of men we had hidden before the battle, come out, and ambush the enemy!

With tactical brilliance like yours, you'll likely be halfway to colonel by the end of the year!

>>53613701
>Attempts to look confident at the Commissar's statement, instead looks dubious
"Ah, yes, sir. Of course, sir!"

>>53613740
oh feth, HELP MEEEEEE HERESY, HERSY
FATHER NURGLE HELP

>explode in a shower of spores

>>53613740
>>53613738
>>53613724
>>53613715
>>53613691
Its good too see all of you getting along so well! I was sure that by the end of my first month, you'd all have killed eachother, rather than die GLORIOUSLY in the name for the Emperor!

Surely It must be my mighty Charisma, and awe-inspiring leadership abilities! Its the only logical explanation!

>>53613771
glad that worked
>>53613740 Hold your breath my meaty squat friend
Such a fool calling me a heretek EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS IM A HERETEK

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>>53613714
>boltpistol
Commissar this vagrant has clearly been stealing from either the adeptus astartes or Adeptus Sororitas!
Also everything tastes like brain matter.

>>53613747
>hands the commissar a form titled "Request to call the Commanding officer a mildly insulting name"

>>53613738
I just got promoted so... It's alright.
>>53613771
Oh...

>>53613771
>Tries to hold breath as spores shower the ranks of troopers, waits for the inevitable to occur.

>>53613771
Dear God Emperor! ...The man was so zealous, that he killed himself, in order to be by the Emperor's side! Now that is PURE loyalty, and dedication to the God Emperor!

The rest of you ought to take along look at yourselves, after such a magnificent display of loyalty!

>>53613799
Alright then, if you truly are from a squat homeworld. Why dont you tell me your ancestry? Lets make it easy and tell me atleast the five first generations and the original founding of your family. Any pureblood squat knows that by the back of their hand.

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>>53613799
no he's just helping me field test my latest technological innovations! Nice "voss" pattern "laz gun" by the way >whispering Im going to dissected you and find out how you can work outside synapse
>>53613802
corporal ! Try out this new stable plasma gun!
>its a Gauss flayer painted blue and red with skulls glued on it

>>53613794
YOU PUNY MAN, COME TO ME AND I WILL CRUSH YOU

>>53613794
>>53613802
>>53613796
BY THE WAY DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TAKE LORD KHORNE INTO YOUR LIFE?

>>53613835
>hands the commissar a form titled "Request to call the Commanding Officer a slightly insulting name"
>>53613837
Will I be vaporized when it gets angry?

>>53613802
Request denied trooper! I. The time you would spend doing such an act, would be better suited to killing the enemies of mankind, and devoting yourself to the God-Emperor!
>>53613796
HERETEK!?! WHERE!? SHOW ME WHERE HE IS, OH LOYAL TECH-PRIEST, AND I SHALL HAVE HIM MEET THE EMPEROR'S JUDGEMENT!

>>53613838
>raises hand
"Lord Corn? That sounds pretty good actually, I haven't eaten in three days! Where is it?"

>>53613838
Finally someone with a bit of gusto here! I always wondered if khorne marines liked drinking or if they were buzzkills like most things in this universe.

>>53613838
no but do you want to field test this power chain chain axe?
>>53613875
Nope! when it gets angry it just kills tanks that it hits in defiance of physics
>>53613890
he's probably hangout with those perfidious eldar to the north

>>53613903
>Imminently grab the gun
I'll take it... and did you say Eldar?

>>53613838
Khorne? What a funny name you feral worlders have for the Glorious God Emperor of Mankind!

...An almost heretical name...

>>53613836
Well first there was mommy norn
She gave birth to the first invasion force
and then the second invasion force
and the-
>continues on ad infinitum recounting every single spawning of tyranids all the way back to previously devoured galaxies.

>>53613837
>how you can work outside synapse
oh crunchy tinman, do I have news for you

>>53613893
come closer whelp I will show you
>ativeates my chain axe

>>53613902
YES WE DRINK, OCASSIONALY BEAR BUT USUALY THE BLOOD OF OUR ENEMYS
>>53613903
YES PLEASE NICE HERETEK
>>53613929
IS HE REALY THIS STUPID?
>LOOKS TO THE TROOPERS FOR CLARIFACATION

>>53613903
Too the north you say? Where the Eldar are? I smell a cunning plan coming about...

Or perhaps it's just the bodies of the men who died from heat stroke, over the last few minutes? Hard to say really.

>>53613938
Ah! Got you! Never does a squat family line begin with a mother! It always starts with a father.

>>53613953
he's a bit daff. Look, ill give you a burlap sack of premium squat beer if you go on a murderous rampage on the enemy side. Deal?

>>53613953
>whispering Maybe that stupid for the record im a heretek not a heretic, start any chaos shenanigans here in my testing zone and i'll plasma you so hard you wont have a skull anymore

>>53613953
Who? Private Davidson? Yes, he is quite stupid, isn't he? Running around out on the dunes, while our own snipers use him to improve their accuracy. Though he's quite dedicated, I'll give him that!

>>53613953
>Steps back from the chainaxe, but nods emphatically at the DEFINITELY NOT A BERSERKER'S question.
"Shhh don't let him hear you say that, he gets very--"

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Yes sir!

>>53613991
ITS A DEAL PUNY HUMAN, CAN I KILL THE CMOMISAR AS WELL? HE HAS A NICE HAT SKULL

>>53613996
"Sir, Private Davidson? Does that mean that there's a Corporal slot open now?"

>>53613993
>Whispering
Hey... you said Eldar... where are they...

>>53613991
Bribing our own forces to commit acts of Mayterdom in the Emperor's name!? What a brilliant tactic Lord Ironhammer! If you were a Guardsmen, you'd be halfway to 1st Lieutenant by now!

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>>53614025
No. But if you dont i will give you a squat medal with the insignia of my clan on it.

>>53614036
>suddenly shouting with vox amplified lungs
CAN WE PLEASE JUST GO KILL THE ELDAR A FEW KLIKS TO THE NORTH

>>53614039
Considering i am a prince as well as the second in squat chain of command. that would be a demotion, lad.

>>53614007
hey you! have a "plasma gun"
>its a gauss flayer painted blue and red with skulls glued on

>>53614045
BUT ITS NOT A SKULL.
ALSO HES ANNOYING. AND ONE OF THE STUPIDEST IDEAS SINCE SLANESSHI WAS MURDER-FUCKED INTO EXISTENCE.

>>53614059
ELDAR PANCY FAGGOTS, FOR THE BLOOD GOD CHARGE YOU INFERIOR MEAT SHEILDS CHARGE

>>53614059
>discharges the "plasma gun"
R-right... kill...let's go do that
>hurries off muttering stuff about golden ratio's

>>53614029
Did I say 'private'? I meant too say 'Corporal'.

So to answer your question, no there isn't an open slot fo-

*BLAM!*

....
......

Huh.... I guess there is now....

>>53613991
pfha what would you know about ancestry anyway you Tau sympathizer?

>>53614082
YOU HEAED THE TROOPER! LET US LEAD A GLORIOUS CHARGE AGAINST THE ELDAR TO THE NORTH!

LET HIS SACRIFICE ENBOLDEN OUR EFFORTS, IN PURGING THESE FOUL XENOS FEOM THIS WORLD! CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE~!!!

>>53614116
>stopping my mad charge and letting the guardsmen continue running into the traps laid

WHO SAID PANSY FAGGOTS WHO DONT MELEE?

>>53614116
>whispering How are you even speaking, let along functioning without a synapse creature?

>>53614082
>>53614093
>Stops only long enough in the charge to snatch up the Corporal chevrons from Davidson's body and shove them in his pocket

"FOR THE EMPRAAAAAAAAA!!"

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>>53614146
>just a few more hours until the commissar appointed nomming!

>>53614116
The fact that I know my entire ancestry? It began with Batour Handrinsson “the orksmasher “ who had Duvrout Hadrinsson “the bearer” who had Kazrik Hadrinsson 1st, Arazzir Hadrinsson 1st, Tuzatum hadrinsson 1st, Dorfun Hadrinsson 1st, Darhulim Hadrinsson “The quixotic”, Batour hadrinsson 2nd, Luvibelle Hadrinsson. They all became king of a squat colony except for Darhulim the quixotic who was lost in the warp and Luvibelle who married a ratling rogue trader.
>He begins listing 15 generations each branching off in their own segment until
then there was me, Kazrik Hadrinsson le XIVe « the Ironhammer » son of Kazrik hadrinsson le XIIVe « the Great balance » Son of Nothack Hadrinsson « the Verbarsilicispongiaelig » son of Kazrik Hadrinsson le XIIVe « The tyrant, ork, eldar, ogrynslayer » and then back to what i listed before.
THAT, beast is a true squat family line, punk!

>>53614184
just 1 hour until the exploratory fleet arrives! what fun!
>insane maniacal laughter
>>53614205
>there might be a hive fleet homing, look sharp

>>53614170
FOR THE BLOOD GOD, BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE CHARGE AND DIE

>grab ironhammer and drag him with me into the frenzy of blades

WHY WERE YOU TAKLING ABOUT NO MELEE FAGGOTS GUARDSMEN?

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>>53614218
Im sorry I misspoke I meant Explorator fleet. they want to check out these orkdar

>>53614221
Hands off, let me show you how true squat fight!
>Gets out of the berserker and grabs his trike as well as his Chainlance with a diel set to "Lascannon"

>>53614264
WEAKLING THIS IS HOW A TRUE WARRIOR BATTLES, AAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>dropping my chain axe, I tear apart elder with my bear hands sending xeno blood and vesra in all directions and beating a farseer with his own severed arm

WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF

>>53614299
>>53614264
I call all their stuff!

>>53614221
LET THE ENEMIES OF THE EMPEROR KNOW HIS BLESSED NAME, AS THEY QUAKE IN FEAR FROM OUR COMING WRATH!

LEAVE NO ELDAR LIVE! LET THEIR WITCHES DIE ALONGSIDE THEM, FOR THE HERESY THAT THEY ARE! SMASH THEIR SOULSTONES AS WELL!

>He'd run forward. The great thunder hammer he carries with him, smashing into the xeno lines!

PURGE THE WITCH, IN THE NAME OF THE EMPEROR!

>>53614299
>charges headlong with his trike, stabbing 4 eldars on the chainlance before theyre cut to pieces and then proceeds to fire a lascannon shot straight trough an eldar vehicle.
While your busy killing one pansy, im already down to 5-
>BOOM goes the vehicle
Make that 10.

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>this entire thread
why am I being reminded of shitty Forum RPs on librarium-online?

>>53614318
>I stop for a few seconds, a limp torso with a soulstone on the chest hanging from my mouth

WHAT YOU SAY PUNK WHAT YOU SAY?

>>53614362
not their skulls! I just want the guns! I can negotiate on the soul stones

>>53614352
BECAUSE YOUR NOT JOINING IN THIS FUNNY FAGOTRY, SO JOIN OR MAKE LIKE AN ELDAR AND GO FUCK YOURSELF

>>53614380
>grabbing the heretek I swing him around as a make shift flail

WHAT YOU SAY? 10 HOW ABOUT 15 CORPSE WORSHIPING FUCKER

Commisar Sir, shall we afix bayonets just in case something big comes oyr way?

>>53614413
>grabs powerhammer-shotgun and begins just riding along, head being smashed by the sheer contact and speed of the powerhammer. anything trying to fire back getting a swift shotgun shell in the face.

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Sir, ready for inspection, sir.

I laid out my extra uniform as well, sir.

>>53614437
Hmm? Oh, Uhm, yes, that would probably be a good idea to do.

*AHEM* AFIX BAYONETS! LEAVE NO ELDAR ALIVE! SHATTER THEIR WRETCHED SOULSTONES!

>>53614444
I LIKE YOUR STLYE MORTAL, WANT THIS WEPON?
>I toss th battered and abused techpriest onto the funny mortals vercal

BACK TO AXE TIME

>>53614460
>He'd stop, and take a look at the man's gear.

You're missing one thing, trooper.... Your name tag! Where is your name tag, dammit!?!

>>53614481
>grabs the techpriest and lays him on the back of the trike
Y'alright, lad? Ye got yer toasters in a tit?

>>53614413
Im afraid I don't understand 10 or 15 whats? Please put me down before I explode

>>53614474
>stabs Eldar corpses with bayonet on lasgun
"I'M HELPINGGGGGGGG!!"
>>53614460
"Spivey! You're late! Quick come here and kill some Eldar before the Commissar notices!"

>still wearing his battle damage war gear proudly along with the glorious scars of battle.
Reporting in Sir!

>>53614522
I WASNT TALKING TO YOU ,YOU WASTE OF METAL AND FLESH I WAS TALKING TO YOUR AWSOME TEAMMATE>>53614500

>>53614500
I came close to exploding but am ok squat friend. Please be careful I think a hive fleet is coming

>>53614562
You should be nicer to me I did give you that power force chain chain axe

>>53614585
BUT NO BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD FROM YOU OIL GUTS, AND WHERE IS YOUR IDENTIFICATION BAR CODE? I THINK YOUR LYING

>>53614542
Good thing! You're missing out on all the glory! Look at these Eldar flee in terror at our might as their focus all their firepower upon private covered in gore over >>53614562 there!

>>53614523

I believe that corpse, is nothing more than corpse Corporal! But brilliant idea to see if they were taking it! You're on the fast track to a field promotion!

>>53614497
Was covered in xeno blood, sir. Had to clean it. My apologies sir.

>>53614601
It must have fallen off when you shook me like a can of sacred unguents.

>>53614567
Oh crap. We should try and retreat. no way are we equipped for a hive fleet, lad.

>>53614645
I AM BROTHER CAPTIN FANCY MAN, I WILL HAVE YOUR SKULL AFTER IM FINISHED HERE

>>53614660
HAHAHAHAHAHA
>>53614663
NO RETREAT NO SURENDER FIGHT TO YOUR LAST YOU MISSERABLE CURS, I WILL MAKE SURE YOU SKULL GOES TO KHORNES KILLING FIELDS

>>53614663
Yes we are, a explorator fleet is due here shortly, it should be fascinating to watch.
>insane cackling

>>53614651
You should always keep your name tag clean Corporal! Otherwise those few survivors will never know to fear your name!

>>53614685
That's the spirit Captain! Strive to further your position amongst the ranks of the Astra Militarum! You never know how far you'll get before you're sliced in half by a powersword!

>He'd proceed to cave in the skull of an eldar, with the hand of his Bolt pistol!

>>53614701
>His eyes go dead serious
Your crazy, lad! Ive seen what their fleets can do. Ive seen hundred of thousand of good squats armed with the greatest technology of their times! Exo-armour and the biggest guns you could ever imagine! And only a couple hundreds of my people survived! All of you people are completely replacable. Me? Not so much, im leaving!

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>>53614663
>>53614567
This man is clearly dillusional, the squat reinforcement fleet in orbit would have surely notified us.
let us instead focus our attention on the delicious pointy eared snack-people fellow guardsmen.

>>53614771
DONT YOU TRY TO RUN ARSE HOLE, OR I WILL MAKE A FOOTREST OUT OF YOUR SKULL, SO STAND AND FIGHT

>>53614771
A shot of well aged Amasec to the man who kills the most Eldar this day!

And death to those who would shrug their duty to the Emperor!

>>53614814
>Climbs put from under a rock
There's a lot of tunnels under the base, Sir!

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>>53614708
Sir, yes, sir, it won't happen again sir.


Sir, I have taken the liberty of assigning my fire team to dig trenches & erect barriers in case of enemy attack, sir. These precautions will allow us to make better use of the Emperor'a munitions, sir.

>>53614771
First its just another splinter second explorator fleets are the best the imperium can muster im talking DAoT tech here and in numbers nothing outside the terran system should be tougher we will be fine

>>53614814
>swing the power axe at his head, just as he steps forward dodgeing my axe

STAY STILL IDOIT

Anyways has anyone seen our psyker? He sure would be useful right now

>>53614814
Screw YOU I worship the living ancestors, you hold no god damn power over me, im higher grade than you so go to hell, lad.
>>53614800
Screw YOU cause you'll just be brought back by khorne to fight again.
>fucks off towards his ship, stepping on the tyranid warrior's head with his trike in the meantime.

>>53614860
Digging trenches and erecting barricades during the middle of a firefight...


What a brilliant idea Corporal! If I didn't know better, I'd think you and your squad were Kreigers!
>>53614847
Fear not, for the Eldar are in full retreat at this point! Squash those few that remain, so that we might return to camp in time for lunch!

>>53614879
>suddenly serious tone
If you kill the commisar "friend" I will obliterate you with tachyon arrows. So how about you go claim some eldar skulls and we don't spoil this nice working relationship

>>53614887
DEATH TO THE WITCH, DONT YOU DARE BRING A WITCH TO THIS FIGHT

>>53614899
COWARD >finishing off the last few elder
COME BACK HERE, ill keep you safe >mutters in disgust at what I said

>>53614951
BUT I WANT THE SKULL WITH THE HAT

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>>53614942
Trenches complete, sir, we will deploy our heavy stubber shortly.

>>53614942
We have lunch? Thinks are looking up for us at least...

>>53614984
I think you will soon get a hive tyrant skull does that make you feel better?

>>53614984
>somethin else is gonna keep me safe, lad!

>>53614879
>He'd narrowly dodge the axe having lowered his head, to find where he'd put the extra magazine for his Bolt pistol.
>He wouldn't even realise he'd been attacked.

There you are, spare magazine! I knew I had you stored somewhere!

>He'd then charge forward. Firing at the few remaining Eldar.

FLEE IN TERROR ELDAR! FOR DEATH COMES FOR YOU! AND HIS NAME IS, COMMISSAR JACOB KNOCHENMUS!

>>53615009
Dear Emperor, you men are effective! You're definitely on the way to a promotion Corporal!
>>53615014
Of course we're having lunch after this! We're not savages!

>>53615026
>follows after the Commissar stabbing and firing at the fleeing Eldar indiscriminately with his mates
AND ALSO US!

>>53614080
Ooh, very nice. I've made these before. Mind if I propose some modifications?

>>53614942
>returns with a neklace of ork ears and a worn out, kind of torn sign saying "free loot"
Orks are stupid. Also, I'll need more mines

>>53615065
No... I mean we actually have food. I think you're the best commissar we've had in awhile

>>53615078
> whispering, with tears running down his face
Oh please,

I have not had *cough* nearly enough substances for all of t-this to make sense. Fortunately, that c-can be easily remedied.

>>53615026
Commissar, I've just been on the v-vox to command. They say a transport is en route to transfer us to *wheeze* Alterevis VII-B, and we better have these xenos cleared up by the t-time they arrive or, and I quote, 'The entire regiment will be forcibly disbanded and the commanding officer demoted to regimental latrine cleaner for the Catachan 5th'.>>53614796

>>53614796
H-Hey buddy, I don't mean to sound weird but *cough* can I get some of your ichor once this is over? Don't get an opportunity l-like this all that often.

>>53615105
It's nice to see someone 'round here that's, ya know, actually a fuckin' guardsman.
Although I gotta say, I can't doubt the effectiveness of our, uh, 'reinforcements'.

>>53615177
We'll have these foul Xenos and their witches dealt with long before they arrive. And with enough time to have lunch as well!
>>53615119
Of course I am! I'm a tactical genius after all!

>>53615177
They seem pretty able-bodied. More able than me. I'm buzzed to all hell. Lho and rotgut are a hell of a mix.

Well the eldar seem to have escaped to the webway and I don't see any orks or a nid splinter fleet so I think things are about wrapped up here.

>>53615065
I live to serve the Emperor sir, and if he deems it fit to guide me to a position where I may better serve him I would be honored.

>>53615219
You're a delusional, everything-will-be-alright-cause-I'm-here kind of type that can't aim for shit. But, although awful qualities for any competent human being, they're redeeming for a commisar.

Now where do you keep the mines?

>>53615219
Commissar, I was looking through the standard issue field book and not to question you but I do not want to do wrong by the Empire. It says I should be promoted to Officer to be the Quartermaster

>>53615264
Ive got some melta bombs

>>53615289
Ooooh, I could do some fun tricks with those.
Real fun tricks.
Possibly might die too.
Oh what joy would that be.

>>53615289
I could use those...

>>53615264
Talk to Corporal Greymane over >>53615288 . She'll know!

>>53615288
Fair enough. I hereby give you a battlefield promotion to Gunnery Sergeant!

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>>53615177
>can I get some of your ichor once this is over?
L-lewd!

>>53615353
And does that come with a pay raise?
>slight excitement

>>53615332
>>53615326
You get a melta bomb and you get a melta bomb everyone gets a melta bomb!

>>53615387
Ugh...

>He'd begin cleaning up the gore off his thunder hammer.

Of course it does Sergeant...

>>53615357
Don't make it weird, bugman. Ya know what that stuff *wheeze* does to a human synapse? Nor do I, but w-whatever it is I like it.

>>53615220
Sling some of that over h-here, my man, I'm dangerously sober.

>>53615409
>>53615387
Hey, guess that makes ya the first in the r-regiment to get paid. Congratulations!

>>53615387
So, you're the one to ask for stuff? Heavy artillery, mauling weapons, 'nades, porno mags?
>he smokes his lho, flicking it and lighting another
I'd need some mines, and a simple handcannon. I have a fun game in mind.

>>53615409
Permission to cheer in excitement, sir?

>>53615463
Request approved Sergeant.

>>53615450

We're not a penal regiment, so you should all be getting paid!

Unless we are one, then no one gets paid, and I execute somebody out of anger

>>53615450
>>53615397
How kind of you
>he grins
Bet ol' Dante brings you an extra present on Sanguinala
>he looks at Kleez
>his eyes seem to have a problem focusing
Uhm...kinda drank it all, mate
>>53615516
...you don't know what kind of regiment this is?

>>53615450
We all get paid... it's just in Regiment dollars

>>53615458
Uhh... a hand cannon as a hand held shotgun?... I'll have to check the tunnels... gotta sort everything down there... Mines we got. What kind?

>>53615516
Woop woop...

>>53615542
Well the requisitions papers have us listed under like 40 different names

>>53615458
feel free to talk to more for some more.....unorthodox gear

>>53615552
Mmmmh, like a slum prostitute of an unidentifiable gender, surprise me.
>he flicks his lho and lights another...where does he get all these bloody lhos?

>>53615542
Trooper, nobody seems to know! Not even the Departmento Munitorum seems too know! And everyone here is from a dozen+ world's it seems!

If I didn't know better, I'd say this regiment is where the imperium sends its rejects, and highly unwanteds... But that's impossible, seeing as how I am a tactical genius!

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>>53614080
Here, I've improved on it for you.

>>53615620
>She lifts a rock and drops into the tunnel, covering the hole again
>several minutes pass before she crawls out of a different rock directly under the Commissar>>53615656

I found some Holy Flame mines and chest poppers.

>>53615680
Those will do more than very nice
>>53615603
When I need a tentacle to scratch that particular itch, I'll think of you first, luv. For now I'm good.

>>53615680
You might as well start packing up our equipment, Sergeant! We'll be pulling out of the system in a few hours. Or once we finish lunch that is! I wonder what the officer's mess has cooking right now? Probably Grox Steaks with BBQ sauce, and Amasec to wash it all down...

>>53615766
Can I request several squads and transports to help pack up?

>>53615766
...I don't think we had that kind of...-real- food in...well a couple of years. Didn't-didn't you get any sort of briefing when you came?

Now then... Where'd the good Captain go too? And for that matter, where is Ironhammer, and his Squat friend?

CORPORAL VAN KLEEZ!!!

>>53615017
YAY I LIKE COG MAN

>>53615026
DAMMIT

>>53615795
Nope! I was just told to get on a shuttle, get dropped off with you Lads back on that Agri-world a few weeks back, and lead you all to either death, or glory.

Also, that's the menu for the OFFICER'S! Not for you, trooper. In all likelihood, you're getting something made out of soy products.
>>53615783
Yes, yes. Take whomever you need.

>>53615656
I'm afraid this is the regiment for rejects, but even so, Munitorum standards require at least one person is competent in any regiment at all times. I quess that falls to you, sir, for a change. Usually it's some private.
>The man is in an Astropath's robe, most of his fave covered by a heavy iron mask nailed to his skull

>>53615859
>he chuckles
I was talking about the higher ups. The regular troops barely get food sometimes.

>>53615874
you might want to avoid that larger astartes sized man in red

>>53615874
WITCH MAN, I WILL SLAUGHTER YOU FOR MY LORD AND MY COG FRIEND

SO WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT COMPATANCE, MY AXE IS VERY COMPITANT

>>53615874
DAMMIT!

Well, atleast this means my tactical brilliance was noticed by my superiors! As who else but myself, could possibly lead this rag-tag group of rejects and misfits! Yes, this is good! I'll have this regiment kicked into such a shape, that Segementum Command will be BEGGING to promote me for my efforts!

>>53615924
Settle down Captain! Otherwise I'll be forced to remove you from Command!

>>53615859
Yes Sir!!
>ducks back into the tunnels

>>53615874
Yeah, um, what he said. This is a penal's unit sir. Well, more like penals and undesirables. Like a retirement home, jail, looney bin and mental care all at the same time.
>>53615938
...Your father really didn't love you, did he?

>>53615959
BUT WITCH MAN IS INSULTING...AND A WITCH LET ME TAKE HIS SKULL. HE IS MORE ANNOYING THAN YOU

>>53615923
>>53615924
Of course, of course. Your axe does seem very smart indeed. Have you been practicing together?

Well the the transport has arrived, shall we depart?
>>53615982
we are not a penal unit but definitely the oddest troops in the guard, surprisingly competent for all our madness.

>>53615982
I never knew my father Trooper! He, just like the mothers and fathers of all Commissars, died when I was a boy! Because of that, Duty became my father, and Valour became my mother! Honour was that uncle who always got drunk during the holidays...
>>53615990
You will not harm a hair on that man's head! He is an astropath, and most likely, the one who can guide the ship we'll be traveling on, through the warp!

>>53616040
I made it for its a force power chain chain axe.
>whispering i also put a tzeentchian daemon in there, he should begin to devolve sorcererus powers from exposure to it within a day or two, don't tell him

>>53616085
Well then, I bet that the spiritual embodiment of Duty still despised to call you its child.


Say, any eldars left alive? I have a game in mind.

>>53616085
>Hands him a set of papers
It says your Father was a Mr. Kennith....

>>53616124
None that I can see. Unless you believe a few twisted and mangled bodies, whose limbs still have some slight muscle memory, counts as "living".

>>53616148
I said I never knew him. Not that I never knew his name! That's probably the name of Elton Knochenmus, my second cousin.... Damn him and his perfect teeth!

>>53616111
I see. Have fun with that.
>>53616085
I do not possess the abilities of a navigator, but I should be able to pilot a ship through the shallow Empyrean.

>>53616047
Yes, by all means we should prepare to leave. The men can eat their meals when we get back to our ship.

What was its name again? I only remember it being a strike cruiser.

>>53616235
Ah, yes, that's right! I always get Astropaths, and Navigators confused. I really should be able to tell the difference by now.

>>53616040
YES WE HAVE WITCH MAN, THANKS FOR NOTICING

>I pat my blood splattered axe like a loyal dog

>>53616085
BUT HE SAID HE IS NOT A NAVIGATOR

>>53616284
I see. Soon enough you'll have taught him to be as smart and competent as you are, don't you worry. Not too far to go.

>>53616308
YES I WILL, THEN WE WILL GET BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD VERY BETTER

>>53616346
I was talking to the axe.

>>53616308
the poor tzeentchian axe is gonna a lot of trouble making a world eater as smart as it

>>53616370
ARE YOU INSULTING ME WITCH MAN?

>>53616382
kek I can't wait!
>>53616284
The point still stands Captain! Now stand down, or I'll tell the Kitchen not to give you your serving of dessert!
>>53616346
That's an odd name for the Emperor, is it not?

>>53616450
No, your axe.

>midway through pouring some suspicious liquid into a port on his rebreather, the vox rings
>it sounds like an old-fashioned telephone
Yeah? Alright, I'll t-tell them, over... Uh, don't panic when you see some of the recruits, over... Yeah, h-hide the inquisitor, over.

>>53616261
The large eye on the f-forehead should be a giveaway, sir.
Anyway, I just got a call, transport inbound in T-5. Tell the troops t-to wrap up their business, we're outta this frozen, sandy, rainy, scorching shithole.

>>53616346
Uh, sir? If anyone on the ship asks, y-you're a Blood Angel, a-alright?

>>53616481
naw he's a flesh tearer. and have the nid pose we can carry him in claiming he's a stuffed trophy

>>53616481
They really should, shouldn't they Corporal.

In any case... Have the men prepare to leave. We'll have them eat their meals on the way up to our store cruiser... Whatever its name is...

Van Kleez! What's the name of our regiments strike cruiser again?

>>53616550
uh sir its the 01110011 01110101 01110000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101111 01101100 00100000 01110100 01101111 01110100 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110011 01100001 01100110 01100101 00100000 01110100 01110010 01100001 01101110 01110011 01110000 01101111 01110010 01110100 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100101 01101101 01110000 01110010 01100001 01101000 00100111 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100001 01101101 01101101 01100101 01110010 00100000

>>53616469
YOU INSULYT MY AXE WITCH HOW DARE YOU. COMMISAR PEMISSION TO REMOVE A TRETCHEIOUS BLIGHT UPON THIS RAGTAG GROUP AND REMOVE THE HERESY THING

AND TECH MAN WHY IS AXIE WHISPERING JUST AS PLANNED?

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>>53616636
Permission denied Captain! We've got more important things to do, than watch you brutally murder an Astropath. Namely, having everyone packed up, and aboard the Devourer transports in the next five minutes!

>>53616636
not actually sure, I know its kinda warpy though does that help?

>>53616688
FINE LITTLE MAN, OKAY EVERONE NOT ON THE SHIP IN 4 MINS AND 30 SECONDS GETS BRUTALY OFFERED TO KHORNE MOVE IT

>>53616694
NOT REALY

>>53616694
What's this about the Warp, Tech-priest, 'whatever you said your name was'?

>>53616688
>Walks up looking through a long data slate
Sir? I control distribution of supplies, correct? Like I control who gets what?

>>53616721
That truly is a strange, feral world version of our Emperor's name! Corn...

>>53616736
that's how ships work sir, with the warp

>>53616745
Essentially, yes. That is your job as the quarter master. Allocating regimental resources, where they need to go, and making sure all the necessary paperwork is filled out.

So, uh...anyone feel like dying? And helping others earn a pretty penny?

>>53616797
I do assume this is the direction to the Devourer?

by the way, is everyone up for another thread when this one hits the bump limit? After that, the next one will be this Saturday, at the same time.

>>53616833
this ambiguously loyal cogboy is

>>53616826
Indeed it is, Astropath! Indeed it is! And don't worry about the good Captain's threat. He probably means he'll kill them with extra work in the name of our holy Emperor.

>>53616797
>smirks behind the gasmask and practically skips off to the waiting transport ship

>>53616861
I would not be so sure. Not everyone here is as competent as you, my lord.

>>53616833
IM GAME PUNNY MAN

>>53616893
Of course they aren't! That's why I was left in charge of this regiment! To put some competency into! It definitely has nothing to do with the Devlorn 7 incident. No sir!

IS ANYONE STILL OUTSIDE THE SHIP PUNNY MAN, CAN I OFFER UP THE STRAGGLERS TO MY LORD?

>>53616962
Meh... They still have thirty-seven point eight seconds left.

I'm in i'm in it just needed to bring this wraithlord along and it's heavy

30 27 14 2 NOW?

>>53616930
Obviously my lord. Erm... Before I go and let you refine your competency, would you mind removing any medical or psychological evaluations from my and your most certainly busy medical personnel's schedule? I would much rather get to serve such a competent Commissar fast than waste the Emperor's time doing such pointless little errands.

>>53616993
>PICKING UP THE XENOX TECH, I PLACE IT IN THE CARGO HOLD AND SET THE PERIST DOWN ON TOP OF THE DEVICE

STAY THERE, I DONT WANT TO KILL YOU YET

>>53616995
Five more seconds.... AAAAAAND... Everyone is on with half a second to spare.

Now then, whomever is the pilot. Take us up to orbit and our strike crusier!

>>53617032
AAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW ISNT THERE ANYONE I CAN KILL YET?

COG MAN WHERE ARE THE SERVATORS

>>53617020
We don't have any scheduled for today, as far as I've been told. The next one isn't until next well anyways!

>>53616813
S-sounds like a rewarding prospect. *wheeze* What we jumpin' in front of?

>>53616550
Accordin' to Toaster over here, it's a ex-Mechanicus vessel known as the Emprah's Hamma. Apparently it g-got looted by orks a coupla centuries ago, and was recently looted back, although they couldn't get the paint off the nameplate. Which is pretty *cough* reassurin'.

>>53616865
Sarge, I'd like to requisition 'bout 200 Lho sticks. Ol' Weary-eyes over there's got me beat on the smokin' front, and I ain't havin' that.

>>53617084
A gun. Spinning it and leaning it on your temple.

> I stand behind the astropahth, waiting for the oppetunity to kill the fethin' witch. occasionaly revving my chainaxe

WHAT YA DOING?......HOW BOUT NOW?...NOW?...ARE WE THERE YET?...WHERE ARE WE GOING?

>there is a sigh from the axe and a mumble of idiot

>>53617069
I believe those should be left for the obviously more needing troopers. As your loyal Astropath, my lord, it would make sense I do not waste your precious time being in an interview that, quite frankly, would prove a most useless waste of time.

>>53617133
No Captain. We just entered orbit! Go have a seat, and eat your sundae!

[I need to sleep, so please link the next thread here so I can join again, and thanks guys this has made my night so much better]
>>53617171

I GOT TO SLEEP PUNNY MAN. COG BOY WAKE ME IF I CAN KILL THE WITCH

>>53617190
no problem man! You have a good sleep, alright? We'll be doing a thread this Saturday if you don't catch this one.

>>53617223
thanks mate have fun, I hope you enjoyed infec the world eater

>>53617084
That's like... almost 20 times your lifetime allowance... granted they say you should only get one pack for... I don't know why but I'm going to need some sort of payment for all that.

>>53617251
He was Great to have around! Hopefully he can make more appearances!

>>53617152

Hmm... I do hate people wasting time, when there are better things for them to do.... But I also like being through about things... Hmm...

...

I suppose it'll be fine for you to miss it. But just this once Astropath!

>>53617297
Most excellent. I will make sure my service is worthy of your important duty.

>>53617315
We shall see Astropath. We shall see...

In the meantime. Have the men prepare to be offloaded onto the crusier.

>>53617537
You heard the commisar, onto the 01010011 01110100 01100011 01110011 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110101 01110000 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101111 01101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110111 01100101 00100000 01101110 01100101 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101101 01101111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101101

>>53617272
P-Payment? Ah shit, lemme *cough* see what I got...
>he rummages in a pocket before pulling out a shrivelled, brightly-coloured lump
How 'bout this? Bull grox pineal gland - chew this for a couple mins and you'll feel ten steps closer to the Emprah, I'm t-tellin' ya. If you're not the consciousness-expandin' type, it'll fetch *wheeze* a pretty throne, if ya know where to sell it.

>>53617131
Heh, g-gonna have to pass on that one, my man. Not *cough* quite that tired of livin' yet.

>>53617688
kek. Also I'll be back in five or so minutes. Just cooking dinner

>>53617867
and back from dinner

>>53617793
O-okay...
>gently takes it
I'll get you the uhh... yeah... I don't know what to do with this now...
>she puts it in a small container before grabbing a carton and tossing them to him

>>53617688
You know most of the men don't speak binary. So speak low gothic!

>>53618357
sorry sir, its the HDIMS: STCs are great. Apparently the brother in charge of naming these ships was not enthusiastic and did a half assed job.
May I ask have you seen to dataslate on the planet we are going to?
appently Alterevis VII. was invaded by orks only for the local genesteal cult to help fight them off and summon an hive fleet which woke up the necrons sleeping there and then a bunch of emperors children showed up to raid and now its a free for all between necron, nid ,ork emperors children and imperium.

>>53618579
>>53618357
...I request to demand all spoils be added to the Regiments supplies.

>>53618579
All these forces converging on a lone planet? There music be quite a fuel reserve there. And if that's the case, than I see plenty of chances for the men of this regiment to die in glory, in the name of our Emperor!
>>53618635
Request denied, on the basis that all Chaos equipment must be destroyed, lest it infect us us all!

>>53611915
Commisar! I stuffed by pockets full of circular spikey icons, I think my rifle has begun talking to me. I might have a problem sir!

>>53618743
I think its a feral world

>>53618767
may I examine this talking rifle? It may just be your imagination
what kind of daemon is in it

>>53618834
Here you go sir!
There is no daemon

>>53618869
it seems fine to me, put if want you can have this hot shot one instead

>>53618767
Trooper! What has happened to your blasted name tag!? Did you lose it during our fight with the Eldar? If so, go down to the ship's Medicae and take one from one of the dead troopers, until you can requisition a new one from the quartermaster!

As for talking lasguns, I'm sure it's just your imagination! Since I would have to execute you for hearing voices in your head!
>>53618771
That's even more useless! Why would all these enemies converge upon a shitry feral world!?

>>53618743
I request to demand all Imperial spoils we recover... Sir

>>53618965
uhhh? I dont know maybe some daemon is playing a prank on some other daemon?

>>53619007
Permission granted! Just don't waste it on stupid shit!
>>53619051
....

That's ridiculous!

>>53619128
The whole thing is ridiculous!

>>53619128
>Hands Commissar a form titled "Request to yell at Techpriest"

>>53619184
>He'd sign off on it, before handing it back to her.

Request approved!

>>53619270
>nods
>>53619162
YOU'RE RIDICULOUS!!

>>53619296
Im insane that's different

>>53619340
>>53619296
Well, now that, THAT is out of the way. We should begin preparing for our next battle!

CORPORAL VAN KLEEZ!!!

>>53619340
Noted.
>writes on a data pad