What are some good modern cursed items?

The Dindu Muffin

Most of the inanimate SCP items.

The dog of peace

Penny super-glued to sidewalk.

Headphones that turn all of your songs into really bad remixes.

A water bottle that eternally refills itself with whatever liquid you pour in it. However the more you empty, the more you will be compelled to drink from it -and only it- and while it will sustain you it will never quench your thirst.

Lunchbox that eats your lunch.

Motorcycle that never runs out of gas or needs repairs, but the more you travel with it the more attached it will become to you, and will want nothing more than for you to use it travel. Make an extended stay anywhere on your journey and the people you meet will begin to suffer strange accidents.

The most amazing cellphone you've ever had. Perfect data connection, loads things in the blink of an eye, is solar powered. Shares any nudes you take or porn you download with everyone on your contact list.

That's what I got off the top of my head. I've probably spent too much time in pointless magic item threads.

>>53525491
Is it poppy seed? I hate poppy seed muffins.

Free cellphone with two-year contract.

An object that makes you have bad wifi signal no matter what you do, but not so bad, only one-two bars bad.

>>53525342
Clark Kent glasses
No one will recognize you including your mother, but wearing them makes your powers go away

>>53525342

a wallet with someone else's faces in the photos. it changes every time and you don't know the logic to it's choices. throwing out the photos has more appear about a week later.

>>53525342
An iPhone.

>>53525342
Wrist watch you cannot remove that has the alarm go off when most inconvenient.

>>53525342
A cursed smartphone that changes itself back to the loudest, most annoying ring you can think of after you put it on silent

File: rape_condom_3.jpg (37KB, 600x364px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 600x364px

>>53525342
A female condom that turns into one of these at the wrong time

>>53526505
painted concrete soccerball statue in the grass

>>53526543

I see what you did there.

>>53525715
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2137

>>53527490

See, that's an interesting Idea, the problem is if you tried to pull that the dude would kill her.

>>53526512
>Lunchbox that eats your lunch.
>baby lunchbox mimics
Aw sweet, someone forgot their ecto-cooler, mine now...

>>53526770
Fuck thats awsome be a super hero and a crime boss at the same time

>>53526512
>Headphones that turn all of your songs into really bad remixes.
Headphones that turn all of your songs into good remixes.

But they're all mixed with the Flintstones theme or Snow Halation.

>>53525342
Ring of the clueless consumer
Wearer will miraculously find the best deals on whatever salable item they are looking for (within reasonable limits of the local economy.)
Upon using the ring to make a purchase the merchant, waiter or equivalent service person will invariably tell the user to enjoy their item/meal/service. The user will be mentally compelled to reply "You too."

>>53526770
>Cursed
>>53527490
My dick hurts just looking at that, and I'd have no reason to be on the receiving end.

>>53527490

Sounds like a great way to turn a rape victim (or a dumb bitch who forgets to take it out) into a murder victim.

>>53527648

I absolutely love this idea.

>>53527673
I wouldn't know, but personally I'd be more concerned with pulling out, recoiling in pain, figuring out what happened, and making sure my junk is okay. That might give a victim time, who knows.

>>53526512
Headphones that make all your music sound like it's in 128kb/s

>>53526729
So a wifi router then.

>>53525342
Ass grabbin phone apparently.

>>53526512
>Lunchbox that eats your lunch
This one fucking got me. Immediately, or in a way that you can try to put a stop to?

>>53525342
>Spectacles of naked vision
>Said spectacles are cursed by a spirit who gives you the naked view of all ugly and fat living organisms.

File: revolver ocelot.jpg (513KB, 700x992px) Image search: [Google]

513KB, 700x992px

>>53526512
>Motorcycle that never runs out of gas or needs repairs, but the more you travel with it the more attached it will become to you, and will want nothing more than for you to use it travel.
>Make an extended stay anywhere on your journey and the people you meet will begin to suffer strange accidents.
I see you're a man of culture as well.

File: dead ringer.png (30KB, 498x372px) Image search: [Google]

30KB, 498x372px

pic related

File: mobile-phone-cell-phone-simplicity-000001477494-100264022-primary.idge.jpg (25KB, 620x413px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 620x413px

>>53525342
A cell phone with the number of a girl you like saved on it. When you call it, you hit it off immediately and find out she has a crush on you as well.
However, when you talk to the girl the next day, she only looks at you with a perplexed expression. It turns out the girl you spoke with over the phone is in an alternate dimension, having fallen in love with your similarly oblivious counterpart, and is communicating with you through the same cursed phone in her world.

>>53528367
I like to think it would take small bites out of your food, making you think it's your asshole coworkers at first. Then you come to realize it attacks anyone else who tries to eat your food and accept the fair trade off. I like happy endings.

>>53527823
but they're still good remixes

>>53528698
I came here for cursed items, no cursed feels.

>>53528698
/a/ get out

File: [HorribleSubs] Keit-ai - 12 [720p].webm (2MB, 1280x720px) Image search: [Google]

2MB, 1280x720px

>>53528698
FINDS

A

WAY

>>53528698
/a/ get out, there's no anime here
Shoo!

>>53528863
Fuck I loved the first part of the show, too bad it had to turn into shitty generic power rangers.

>>53528918
One could argue that there was no other way that show could have ended up besides shitty power rangers, considering how Japan does its super heroes.

More on topic
Glitterbomb dildo

>>53528990
>Glitterbomb dildo
How about one that disintegrates into sand or iron filings once it's hilted?

>>53525491
What would that even do?

A regular ol' pencil. Anything it writes cannot be erased, however.
Alternatively, a pen that writes and feels absolutely perfect. The ink has the perfect viscosity, and flows smoothly. Your calligraphy is perfect while writing with this pen. Unfortunately, the ink never dries and smudges at the slightly touch.

>>53529065
Glitter does the same thing as sand, but is even more notorious for being impossible to get off the body.

An on screen keyboard that inserts believable typos into your messages after you send them.

Top of the line gaming computer that drops your connection to the internet whenever the action starts to get intense

Unbreakable condoms that only rip or tear once they've entered a body

A car with an amazing sound system, but CDs left in the car slowly morph either into Candle in the Wind or Best of Queen

A wallet full of failed cryptocurrencies

>>53527823
>he doesn't like the Snow Halation rips
pleb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-XQrVHKc6I

>>53525342
Charred hunk of metal from Apollo 1: causes mechanical failures in its general vicinity.
Kurt Cobain's shotgun: Causes immense depression, thoughts of suicide. Always loaded.
Michael Jordan's basketball: Steals physical ability.

File: penny pincher.webm (598KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

598KB, 480x360px

>>53526505

Tissues coated in potent anesthetic. When held near the nose or mouth, they rapidly cause unconsciousness in the user.

Microphone that occasionally does not deactivate. It frequently picks up unfortunate details that the user was trying to hide by turning it off.

Wallet that expands in pockets to make retrieval challenging.

>>53529456
>Best of Queen

Thats not a cursed item you fuck, thats an artifact you spend a whole campaign questing for.

>>53529456
>A car with an amazing sound system, but CDs left in the car slowly morph either into Candle in the Wind or Best of Queen

He said cursed items

THE WEB BROWSER OF PERMANENT SEARCH HISTORY

A social networking site that causes friendships linked on it to deteriorate in real life

Someone's Minion themed cock ring found in your pocket

A park bench that camouflages gum left on it until someone sits in it.

A vending machine that eats your money and then gets your chips stuck. Rocking it inevitably results in death.

A soda machine that only dispenses warm pepsi

>>53530149
>>53530155
Guys I had to shoehorn the references in somehow okay

>>53527758
>Trip
>glasses fall out during an evil monologue in front of the mayor, the police and and your goons
>Queue the biggest shitstorm

>>53528123
They were designed for females in South Africa

Should I guess everyone's seen the relevant Rick and Morty episode

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUqLVN5Ydtc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0ry4qBSX2U

>>53528626
This would've been a lot more relevant 20 years ago.

>>53525342
Damn, this picture is making me contemplate how huge a pervert I am for wanting a phone like that.

On topic: a ring which appears to even the most perceptive appraisers to be made of the finest gold. Inexplicably leaves a permanent green band on your finger when removed.

>>53529774
Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are, "/pol/ was right again."

>>53529456
>Top of the line gaming computer that drops your connection to the internet whenever the action starts to get intense
Worse, make it only drop the connection when you start to lose, so everyone you're playing with thinks you're a sore loser instead of just a guy with bad internet.

A chat application that causes anyone on the receiving end of your chat to interpret all of your lines as sarcastic or hostile.

>>53530390
That all depends on how they work because its magical i thought it would be like the gray cowl from oblivion

>>53530272
Too real-life )

>>53530268
You monster.

Washing machine that requires the sacrifice of one sock to function.

>>53526512
You forgot a coffeemaker that only pours decaf no matter what you load it with

>>53526512
post more

Gurm's Quill
A pen that gives the wielder inspiration to write beloved works of literature, but saps their will to continue the more they write, leaving everything they start unfinished.

>>53528698
OK, now I nee the title of the manga you got it from.

>>53529456
>Best of Queen
I see no problem with this.

>>53532005
I cant really see a downside to this as long as you don't fill it with actual coffee. Fill it with rocks, sand, hell put wood shavings in it. You still get drinkable decaf from something that you shouldn't get something drinkable from at all.

>>53532011
Ok.
>>53532050
Had an idea like this, but instead it's a pen that let's you write incredible works of realistic fiction. Bestsellers one and all. People will eventually begin to believe that they are all true stories while the stories you write become darker.

Basketball shoes that turn you into the world's best basketball player, but they work by overlapping your existence with the existence of another version of yourself from a different dimension, where you are the world's best basketball player, and also black. Keep using the shoes and you'll wind up inhabiting the body of your basketball self, as a white/latino/asian man (or woman) in a black man's body with a black man's history that you don't know. Doesn't work for black people.

A really stylish watch that makes you late to everything.

Wallet that will have whatever amount of money you need for a mild purchase, but will sometimes provide you with foreign currency for a full day.

An old fashioned polaroid camera that instantly ejects the pictures you take out the front. You know what I'm talking about. The pictures act as voodoo dolls if they have people in them. Just write on the back what you want to happen to them, what you want them to do, or even how you want them to feel. Camera will turn on you.


A pair of sunglasses that make you irresistible to bar floozies but a total douche to everybody else.

Boots that give you incredible stamina and keep your feet feeling perfectly comfortable no matter how long you walk, but as you walk farther and farther, the more wanderlust will build up inside you and hit you right out of nowhere whenever you stop in a town.

Thumb ring that will let you hitchhike rides with really nice and sociable people, but every now and then, with no particular pattern, saddle you with a horny old person who will get mad when you don't have sex with them.

Okay, that's all I got for right now and I'm approaching the word limit.

>>53525342
What a flat ass.
0/10 would not predatate.

A pair of pants that give your the flattest looking ass. Thiccbane.

A phone that has infinite battery life, internet and storage. It always changes to match the model and brand you want. If you trow it away or lose it it will always be back.

It only holds the numbers and names of of everyone who's ever had a crush on you. It only adds them after the person in question has moved on with their life.

>>53528553

Well motorads arent really cursed items though they are sentient

>>53526551
underrated

I don't know if this counts as cursed, but a motorcycle with the personality of a horse. It refuels by being ridden over grass, oats, or carrots and might buck you off if it gets spooked. Basically, a motorcycle that thinks it's a horse.

>>53532581
>cursed
Who the fuck cares if SOMEONE has a crush on you?

>>53528123
if you're an african women, it will at least prevent you from being raped before murdered.

>>53532350
Plot twist : it's also always cold

>>53531988
underated

>>53526505
It's a classic for a reason.

>>53530149
Nah, the "best of" compilations weren't really that good. Most of their actual best stuff was the harder rock (often b-sides), not the catchy pop singles.

>>53528197
There exists wireless headsets that do that, if their AAC codec setup is bad.
There is a reason there only recently was a push to wireless headsets.

File: Horrifiedandscared.png (168KB, 281x505px) Image search: [Google]

168KB, 281x505px

>>53531988
Plz no

>>53531988
This exists. It's called a "washing machine", anon.

>>53532350
>You still get drinkable decaf

>drinkable
>decaf
Pick one

>>53525342
A wallet that slowly spends or drains any card put in it - even voucher cards. If left long enough, or if it hasn't drained money recently the effect will spread to any cards in the nearby vicinity.
It always has the exact petty cash you need though.

>>53532581
>a perfect phone except that it doesn't hold any contacts
Sounds like my current phone might be cursed.

File: _79842606_terryneil.jpg (36KB, 624x351px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 624x351px

>>53529456
>morph into Best of Queen.
I reckon that was Pratchett's contribution, not Gaiman's.

File: Beaker.jpg (24KB, 306x423px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 306x423px

>>53531988
Wait, thats not how they already operate?

i got one, a never ending bottle of lube, but using it you will never be fast enough to get the kleenex in time.

>>53532350
I think he meant 'whatever -coffee- you load it with.'.

>>53532005
We have that, it's called pissing off the barista

>>53528698
Keit-Ai finds a way!

>>53527490
Important question. Wouldn't cutting the base of the condom with some scissors and pulling each bit back (thus mimicking a thrust) not remove it?

>>53532558
That kid's like ten, you tardo.

>>53534705
Maybe. I really doubt that you would need surgery to get it off

>>53525491
>immediately arrested if eaten

>>53534873
I mean for that matter, I have the distinct feeling it would be super easy to either fake your identity, or just bribe a doctor most of Africa.

>>53530272
>soda machine that only dispenses warm pepsi
I have encountered this cursed object in real life! At a local park, there is a vending machine near the lake. After a long day on the trail, my travelling companions and I stopped at this refreshment dispenser. Eager for gatorade, I gave it my money, and made my selection. But unrefridgerated pepsi issued forth instead!
All five of us ordered different items in hopes of getting something else... otherr gatorade, ginger ale, even water! But what we got was 5 unrefrigerated pepsis.

>>53525342
Ring of Semminunsien
Said to stave off hunger but does nothing for malnourishment.
In reality it perpetually teleports an amount of horse semen directly into your stomach every hour.

A phone charger that drains the power of the phone it is plugged into

File: 1419471217323.jpg (24KB, 276x280px) Image search: [Google]

24KB, 276x280px

>>53527490
>turn it inside out and put it on your dick

File: phone.gif (76KB, 500x531px) Image search: [Google]

76KB, 500x531px

Not cursed exactly, but how about modern mimics?

File: box.gif (105KB, 500x483px) Image search: [Google]

105KB, 500x483px

>>53535336

File: wallet.gif (115KB, 500x457px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 500x457px

>>53535368

These are animated, by the way.

File: bulb.gif (75KB, 500x559px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 500x559px

>>53535379

File: tablet.gif (76KB, 500x531px) Image search: [Google]

76KB, 500x531px

>>53535400

The artist is iguanamouth.

>>53526512
>Motorcycle[...] but the more you travel with it the more attached it will become to you, and will want nothing more than for you to use it travel
so a mutual relationship with your bike? cool!

>>53535424
More like symbiotic. It will literally become attached to you.

>>53535368
I assume we still get the evolutionary live where mimicks get form ups, and get larger?
So the small ones are tier 1, and somewhere alongside tier 8 or 9 there is mimick skyscrapers?

File: 1027000-3.jpg (48KB, 960x520px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 960x520px

A USB cord that fits any device.

Works as advertised at first, but then curses any port it's plugged into to flip to the incorrect position.

The user will lose the cursed cord in 1d6 days.

>>53536042
But wouldn't flipping the ports mean you can actually plug other devices into the ports without looking?

>>53525342
The Dog Collar of Bad Doggos

instantly makes any dog loyal to you, but they will bark at everything

Necklace of Interference

Cannot be taken off, makes it impossible for you to connect to wifi

The Gentleman's Lighter

Can only be used to light another person's cigarette or cigar. Gives an unbelievable addiction to nicotine when in your possession.

>>53535059
Maybe I shouldn't have bought my wife's wedding ring from that old gypsy.

>>53536711
Maybe you should tell me the phone number for that old gypsy.

>>53525342
A pair of pants that makes you irresistible to the opposite sex but won't ever come off.