Mages Guild - Artifact Overload Edition

I genuinely didn't think you idiots could do it, yet here we are.
Expansion will take three months at least, so let's get a solution rolling now before I have to beat some of you.

>>53499398
Ooh, ooh! Weird history, weird history! I can do SO much with that!

>>53499398
Why not just keep them as an example of what not to do? Magic isn´t something that should be put into a box. You should just let it out.
>Said in one of the most condescending tones she can muster.

Why can't we just store them in another demiplane?

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>>53499446
If there's one thing I have learned, it's that mages are packrats of the higest order.

>>53499495
Where did you think the Deep Archives and Forbidden Archives were? We're kind of tapped out.

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>>53499398
I was thinking of putting the Cursed Skull of Tymoria the Blight in there. It's an item capable of draining the life of an entire city, but at the cost of the user's life. Are we sure there isn't more room for these things somewhere?
>>53499452
Want to take a cursed skull off my hands?

>>53499452
Oh gods please no. Don't go re-writing what little we have on ancient civilization by dumping these things in dig sites.
>>53499495
Been there, tried that. Trust me. The vaults are already off realm.
>>53499528
The highest order packrat would be thieves. But It can't be argued we're up there.

>>53499588
Cursed skulls? That's more Secretus' schtick. Also, way funnier to give it to him.

>>53499398
Has anyone seen my talking tinfoil hat?

>>53499596
Pffff. Like we haven't done it before.
>>53499628
Nnnnnnope.

>>53499596
The Thieves? Oh... that could work. How about we have the Thieves "steal" a few of our artefacts and let them store them for us?
>>53499619
I'll have to go see if he want to take one or two of the ones I have off my hands then, I have too many right now.
>>53499628
I think I saw a pyromancer trying to use it for target practice. Assuming it was a moving talking tinfoil hat at least, if not then I haven't seen it.

>>53499638
You sound suspicious. As usuaaal...

>>53499663
If the hat was floating and talking, then I think it was mine.

>>53499596
...You'd theives would want to sell most of their wares. Otherwise why steal them?

>>53499628
Try asking the ferromancers, they do tinfoil.

>>53499688
For the rainy day fund, dingus.
>>53499686
Why in lok's prickly scrotum would I want a tin foil hat that whispers in my ear? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY ARE FOR?

>>53499638
What, we're relying on those bastard Chronomancers for historical records now?
>>53499663
I have standards to keep and leaving the faults open for aspiring thieves who know nothing about what they attempt to acquire
>>53499688
Flooding the black-market with doomsday weapons and reality altering artifacts?
Hell's Teeth Lazarus your idea remains insane.

>>53499688
That depends on the quality of their work. Though most of their stuff´s good. Which floor was their department again?

>>53499726
Yes. WHY DO YOU THINK I WANT THAT ONE BACK?

>>53499726
...is the idea of saving some of the gold you make from sales so far-fetched?

>>53499727
It would keep us busy, for sure...

>>53499686
Then yes, I saw it. A pyromancer was trying to hit it with some flaming darts, I hope he doesn't burn down the anything important, he had terrible aim.
>>53499688
I suspect even thieves appreciate trophies.
>>53499727
Might lead to some interesting times. It's been a while since we had a decent conquering overlord.

>>53499754
IT IS AN ABOMINATION!
>>53499727
Yep.
>>53499772
Have you ever been in the thieves guild? Stop asking stupid questions.

>>53499663
I told you you should have just started a stamp collection, we both knew this was going to happen.

>>53499786
I better go check then: The hat tends to only be helpful during the start of the school year and I need it soon.

>>53499811
CORRECTION! AN USEFUL ABOMINATION!

>>53499772
Only for everything to get vaulted again in the end.
>>53499786
With good reason.
Much as I would appreciate something to punch.
>>53499811
Fuuuuuck. Their accounts are about as trustable as the Archwizards.

>>53499886
But by that point you have the expansion done, do you not?

>>53499914
It would act as a buffer against the incoming artifacts yes. But we must remember that chaos on this scale leads to MORE artifacts being created. We're looking at a potential net gain.
Time to double the funding into that expansion if people are seriously considering this as an option.

>>53499837
I know. You were right. But there is no trophy greater than a skull of a powerful enemy so I just kept collecting them.
>>53499886
And I would appreciate someone who can pull off the villain role with style. I would do it myself if I didn't have far too many duties.

>>53500027
Suggesting we plant one of our own somewhere to get this mess in motion, are you?

>>53500027
Why not seal their souls into a stamp collection?
>>53499886
Shame, isn't it?
>>53499843
A USELESS ABOMINATION! YOU PERVERT ITS NOBLE PURPOSE OF MAKING THE VOICES STOP! ITS VERY EXISTENCE SCREAMS UNCEASINGLY FOR AN END!

>>53500098
IT`S PURPOSE IS TO TEACH YOU BRAT! YOU DON`T KNOW UNLESS YOU TRY IT ON! AND GIVEN YOU REACTIONS, YOU WOULDN`T BE ABLE TO DRONE OUT HIS VOICE! I`D FAIL YOU ON THE SPOT!

>>53500098
Pathetic waste of resources.
What's your plan for this surplus anyway?

>>53500093
That would be an excellent idea, if I could think of someone both capable and not busy with other duties.
>>53500098
Because... wait, you mentioned stamp collections twice. Are you trying to get rid of a stamp collection?

>>53500284
...Certainly not one filled with souls of despotic fransian nobility.
>>53500168
IT TEACHES NOTHING! ITS VERY EXISTENCE IS A LIE!
>>53500200
Really confuse some archaeologists.

Alright, I need to lodge a formal complaint. I have been happily stitching away, performing blood rituals and general fleshsmithing activities down in the lower levels without complaint for a few months now and someone's alchemical byproducts have been seeping down through the floor and it is making an absolute mess out of my workstation!

Bits of flesh mutating into the strangest things, pools of blood being changed into scrying pools, and valuable ritual materials being terribly contaminated, it's a nightmare!

I think we need to enforce some stricter cleanup rules in this place! This shit is unacceptable!

TL;DR Clean up your alchemy messes you limp hatted shits.

>>53500341
YOUR BIRTHDAY CAKE WAS A LIE!

YOU`RE FREE TO ATTEND MY NEXT CLASS AND SEE FOR YOURSELF!

>>53500023
Then YOU come up with something!

>>53500352
That's Mort in the Alchemy department, forward your curses and death threats his way.

>>53500341
You do have one! Do you have King George the Finicky? I always did wonder what happened to him.
>>53500352
A common complaint, they usually don't listen. I got some advice on how you can protect your lab if you want some pointers.

>>53500284
As angry as I can act, I am busy dealing with this mess already. Let alone both sides.
>>53500341
Well, you can have most of the first age items then.
Ok, that's a fourth of the vaults dealt with.
>>53500352
Sounds like Mortimer fucked up. Not surprising.
>>53500396
Expansion.
>Deadpan stare

>>53500396
I'll send him something alright.
I'm thinking something that bleeds fucking EVERYWHERE in his quarters.

>>53500419
Please do! At this rate I'll be out of Smokers Lungs and Blighted Spines by the end of the month!

>>53500419
...I might. And the grapevine has it that any letter bearing a stamp that contains his soul causes all the clocks in the building to disassemble themselves.
>>53500389
GO TO HELL LINDA! PSIONICS AREN'T EVEN MAGIC YOU CHEAP HARLOT!

>>53500475
AT LEAST I`M NOT AS CHEAP AS YOU! AND I`M SURE HELL IS GOING TO BE MUCH MORE PLEASANT COMPANY!

Sorry, but I have to cut our little argument here short.Need to catch some sleep.

>>53500436
That's three months from now, assuming our geomancy department can get their shit in gear, which it sounds like is actually a problem right now!

So we're talking four months turnaround. What can we do until THAT, huh?

>>53500475
And here you are not helping at all, what a surprise...

>>53500471
First of all, get a Geomancer to seal all the cracks in the ceiling. Mundane construction methods, and magical ones made to resemble such techniques, leave cracks that the spillage can seep through. Either have a Geomancer remake the ceiling from scratch or fuse the stones together.

Second of all, get a reinforced mithril drainage pipe and make sure it doesn't drain onto someone else's lab.
>>53500475
Sounds like your kind of curse. I do have the Cursed Skull of Varamel the Trickster, if placed in the heart of a building it causes all rooms to randomly mirror themselves either north to south or east to west.

>>53500510
>He just starts screeching
>>53500516
Hello miss not paying attention, glad you could join us.
>He pulls out something labeled "Master activation switch, sector 4 artifact storage
I am SO helping.
>>53500609
Actually, they take after the soul stored within. Something notable from their mark on history. Georgie loved clocks.

>>53500471
Mortimer will have answers for that. He's persistent, unfortunately.
You're going to have to ramp up the scale.
>>53500516
Well. Much as I hate to say it. Bring back the physical assignments of assigning minor artifacts to students to assess their ability to use them to solve magical hurdles.
There. That's something. At least for the near harmless section of the items.

>>53500471
There's a problem with the plumbing, I sent a request to maintainence when the problem first started three months ago and they still haven't gotten around to fixing the pipes. So send it their way if you want, if you send it to me you will not like the consequences.

>>53500622
That he did. I think I gave him one back when you had me attend his wedding. I don't remember though, were you related to him, his wife, or did you just invent a fictional relative to crash the party?

>>53500643
I mean, I don't teach here, not like I'd be passing them out.

>>53500622
...Pierre, what are you doing.

>>53500622
Oh boy, here we go.
>>53500743
Neither do I. But I do go to the Gravimancer meetings to remind those idiots how to properly spell the name of the department. Gravomancer is not the real term.
Why utilize the thieves at all, we could sell some of the artifacts to nations we trust.

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Just annihilate the artifacts into pure magical energy. Problem solved.

>>53500830
An option, but a sad waste of history.
Some of them also go violently. But that wouldn't be too much of an issue.

>>53500743
If I'm not mistaken he's going to solve our storage problem. By clearing the storage.
>>53500830
Last time we did that we had to rebuild the entire Guild Hall due to the explosion it caused.

>>53500830
That is one of the worst ideas I've ever heard, being one of the ones that causes the utter distruction of all of Aen due to too much mana buildup. Not to mention the fact that it would be a huge waste of resources.

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>A large black Harpy swoops in through the window that may or may not have been open.
>She lands on the floor with a staggered thump, setting down a concerningly large bag.
Hey. Delivery for the Mages' Guild. Not a specific recipient, just kinda everyone, looks like.
>She looks back at the bag.
I didn't even know Bags of Holding eventually increased in size if you stuffed them enough and I work with these things every day.

>>53501026
Do you have anything for Lazarus? I'm expecting a reply from Kapala.

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>When everyone forgot about the NORMIES GET OUT REEEEEE Shadow Mage Specialists
>Current DR
>Being a proprietary Shar driven magic Shadowcaster

Fucking Shadow Casters, these morons completely missed out, took a trip to the Demiplane of Dread through the World Serpent Inn, and learned Shadow Lichdom was actually a thing! and it's literally the most easy Lichdom to do! Yeah the guy who did it was pretty much a man after the heart of an Archdevil, but the transformation wasn't! It was a completely neutral thing! All I need to do is wait for the inn to show up again and I'm back to my workshop and out of this horrid hellhole, and on to achieving an Immortality so obscure that not only has no one ever heard of it, but it actually bolsters my current talents and no one even knows how to kill me opposed to literally every schmuck on the block with regular dull-Orcus issuded lichdom. hell, it's not only obscure, but extremely difficult, took a fucking week to kill the inventor through trial and error when I had the blighter at my mercy!

When I get back, I'll take a rest, and visit upon the Shadow Enclave and pry the secrets of becoming a Shade from their aged empire, the process of becoming a shade, is in fact integral to the process of becoming a Shadow Lich, though the other information to the transformation is privy to me alone, well- that and the now double-dead strangely attractive for a dead-guy living in a wine cellar/lab in an old abandoned mansion.

>>53501026
...Uh. Don't you only do mail?

>>53501077
...Ho boy. This should be good for a laugh.

>>53501064
Nope, sorry. My sister might be coming by later with some letters, but all I've got is this and I don't think they're letters.
>She opens the bag's latch and artifact after artifact after artifact begin pouring out. Glowing pyramids, weird hourglasses, tables with only one leg, all sorts of strange objects. After a couple dozen clatter onto the floor, the Harpy forces the latch shut again. The bag has only somewhat decreased in size.
Not letters. There's, uh, still a lot more. Anywhere I should put these?

>>53501166
Mail, yes, whether that's letters or packages. In this case, many many many packages.
>She scratches a talon through her messy, feathery hair.

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What's this about artifacts?

>>53501192
>sighs
Well, that's what we've gathered today to answer ourselves.
>picks up a strange looking hourglass
Is this what I think it is? Hmm... I suppose I could use one of these.

>>53501192
...uh...

Who for?

>>53501242
Short answer, we have too many, and the Archwizard wants ideas on what to do with them.

>>53501077
Sure he died?

>>53500853
History is grossly overrated. Just record details about them as we chuck them, that should satisfy the historians.
>>53500871
That's a problem to overcome, not a guarantee.
>>53500944
The universe is infinite, and you are most certainly not. Plus, we have the resources to waste, to turn into a different type of resource to waste.

>>53501242
We have too many of them. Say, would you be interested in taking a cursed skull off my hands?
>>53501269
As she said, the entire guild.

>>53501026
Yeah, they do, but at that point the magic of the bag of holding has a serious change of unraveling and sending everything in inside of it onto the floor.
Do you have the components I ordered, they should be addressed to Mortimer's Marvelous Mixtures.

>>53501269
...I'd say destroy them, but that's probably just the Nor Marcher in me.
>>53501292
What would I use a skull for?

>>53501334
Depends on which one you take off my hands. The Cursed Skull of Geralt the Vicious will rot the crops of any field it's placed on. Interested?

>>53501249
I have no idea. We aren't allowed to mess with the contents of deliveries at all and I only know a little mail magic, so your guess is probably better than mine.
Well, actually, once it's delivered we can, since then it's no longer a delivery and covered by that clause, but I still tend to keep my nose clean.

>>53501269
This one is just addressed to "Mages' Guild, Wherever-It-Is-At-The-Moment".
So, everyone, I guess. Or management.

>>53501312
I don't, sorry. Like I mentioned before, this one was a bit of a special delivery, so it's all I've got.
My sister might come by later or I might just come back with a normal round. We'll have to see what HQ prefers.

>>53501334
See, Inigo had the same thought, but some of them won't do well with being destroyed.

>>53501465
...Don't they need waivers on stuff like this?

>>53501465
Diligence, that's an admirable quality. Say, you wouldn't be interested in a cursed skull? I've realised I've collected too many of them.
>>53501511
True that, especially the talking artefacts. They tend to object loudly if you try to destroy them, and then make a mess of the place. The rest just makes a mess of the place.

>>53501406
Why would I ever do that?

>>53501511
Well, what if we destroy them specially?

>>53501511
They were probably signed by the sender, if so. They didn't give me any, at least.

>>53501560
Cursed? Does it do anything except... Be cursed?

>>53501567
>shrugs
Everyone has enemies. Admittedly most Cursed Skulls have a tendency to cause a bit too much collateral for simple revenge, you would need to hate at least and entire village, town, city or country to use them.
>>53501600
They mainly do two things, unleash horrific curses once used properly. And look nice on the shelf when they are not used. Sadly I'm out of shelf space.

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>>53499398
>Fades into view
If there's that much of a problem with storing the artifacts, I have more than enough room to store all of them!

>>53501634
>The harpy stands there for a moment, looking unsure, then shrugs.
Yeah, sure, why not. What are some choices?

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>A small framed girl shuffles into the hall, giving sidelong glances to the conversing magical folks. She clears her throat softly.
Uh, hi. Is there a registration process for this place?

Mother sent me up to check it out. Apparently this place has existed for years without her knowing about it, somehow. So I'm just wondering what the logistics of all this stuff is.

>>53501733
This place is lame, join the Adventurer's Guild of Midway Island.

>>53501634
But I don't hate nearly that many people!
>>53501733
I just showed up and walked in and joined.

>>53501702
Let's see... I have the Cursed Skull of Uriel the Obscure. It can vanish a village if dropped in the main well. Of course you'll vanish along with it unless you're fast enough so I never considered it very useful.
>>53501733
All you need to do is pick a department and inform the head. Alternatively, sign the form, there are some spare forms on the table over there. Welcome to the Mages Guild.
>>53501783
Well then keep it on a shelf and away from fertile soil and it can be a nice decoration.

>>53501733
There's a few forms to fill out, but they're all in common and nothing too painful.
>Diana produces a few pages and hands them to Camilla.

And...word of advice, try to keep your head down. Things can get weird sometimes.

>>53501821
Wait, Lazarus, are you selling artifacts?
>The greed in Lurco's eyes is palpable

you people keep your floors really dirty dont you? this is great!

>>53501821
>>53501827
Ah, thank you. I'll bring these back to her.

... Eventually. This place seems bustling right now, and I could use the conversation.

>>53501783
Seems to be a valid strategy.

>>53501772
I'm not even certain what that is. I don't get out much.

>>53501821
I don't like skull decorations though.
>>53501894
You, uh, you're made of slime.
>>53501921
Works for a lot of people, generally.

>>53501772
Must you whore out your land of sweaty men during a meeting?

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>>53501733
>>53501921
>A blonde woman pops out of nowhere in a poof of glittery pink smoke.
Did somebody say registration process~?!
>She affectionately claps her hands on the girl's shoulders.
Oh, you're just adorable! And wonderful! And making my life easier!
>She starts to look on the verge of tears.
You have no IDEA how often people simply skip the administrative process!
>She nods happily at Diana's handing over the forms and snaps her fingers, poofing a large desk into existence. She sits excitedly down in the chair and folds her hands in her lap. A pink pin floats from a drawer and hovers next to Camilla for her use.
Those are the base forms, but there are some others for ensuring your proper placement into a department and the such. Not mandatory, but certainly helpful.
Let me know if you have any questions whatsoever and I'm happy to help!
Oh, of course, my name is Priscilla, I'm the guild's head secretary! It's a pleasure.

>>53501847
...
>seems to consider something
Yes, I'm selling artefacts. What do you have to trade for the Cursed Skull of Famal the Tempest? If held high atop a mountain it will cause a terrible lightning storm, which will first kill whoever is holding the skull and then devastate whatever nation claims the mountain as their own.
>>53501894
The janitors are on vacation. Feel free to eat all the dirt you like while they are gone. Though if you don't mind me asking, which lab or portal do you come from?
>>53501937
Well I suppose they are not for everyone.

>>53501921
Well, there's no shortage of conversation to be had, even after the meetings end. So long as you can keep up it's...really not a bad place to be.

Now judging by the robes and hat, you're a witch in training?

>>53501958
...I'm not going to ask about the collar.

>>53501937
yeah! just moving around is delicious!
theres donut crumbs, dirt, dust, blood, everything!
>>53501968
uh.... the one with all the glass jars i guess. ive only been out for 5 minutes, and ive really only been able to think for 2. thinking is great though! all of this is great!

>>53501821
Sure, sounds pretty interesting.
By 'vanish', do you mean some sort of invisibility? Or delete from the landscape?

>>53502014
So, someone left the door open, you crawled out, saw a great feast on the floor and made it up here then? Interesting.
>>53502022
It either deletes it from the landscapes or re-locates it somewhere else. All I know is that the only thing that remains whenever anyone has used it is the skull. If it was simply invisibility then it would be far more useful.

>>53502007
>Priscilla crosses her arms.
It was a fashion statement and I thought it might be cute, but I don't think it's working out. You think I should trash it?

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>>53501958
>A scraggly mage enters the meeting and takes a look across the room
>his eyes clearly focus on one person
Since when did Big Berha get replaced by such a cutie?

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>53501921
It's an adventurer's guild based in Midway Island that ships outs it's employees to take care of the world's problems.

>>53501953
>Poses
Yes.

>>53501968
I have copious amounts of gold I would be willing to pay for it and I can also provide services or provide people that can perform services.

>>53501968
Or me, at least.
>>53502014
That's, uh, cute.

>>53502114
Neat, I guess I'll be careful then.
Or not.
Who knows. I've got plenty of shelf space anyway.
>She blinks at Lazarus.
So where is it?

>>53501958
O-oh, well, I, I mean this wasn't for me, it was for my- I mean, I guess I'm a magic user too, so it makes sense I should register...
>She trails off, setting about work on the pieces of paperwork.

>>53502007
Ah, yes. My mother is a witch, I'm apprenticed to her. She calls herself the "Great Witch of the Woods." She refuses to leave said woods, and don't tell her I said this, but I think she believes she holds more renown than she actually does.

Still, I owe her a lot, so I can't complain.

>>53502114
yeah! its awesome! im way bigger than i was 5 minutes ago too!
>>53502133
are you gonna eat crud on your soles?

>>53502197
You don't leave behind a mess as you move about, do you?

>>53502119
I think people might ask more pointed questions.

>>53502188
If your mom wants to show up too, she can. Actually wouldn't be the first mother-daughter pair we've had in the guild. But...that attitude may need some adjusting.

..Then again, witches. What do I know?

>>53502238
>as the slime scoots around the floor, all it seems to be leaving is a shiny clean streak
i dont think so.
>the slime has found its way under the table
dude! theres so much crap down here!

>>53502126
Big Berha? Was she the secretary before myself?
I don't believe I've ever met her, though I do appreciate the compliment.
>She squints her eyes at Nagel, thinking.
You're not too bad yourself, though maybe a little rugged...

>>53502188
Do you need a second copy of the forms, then? I'd be happy to provide if that's the case~
>A drawer of her desk opens and some papers fly out, floating near Camilla. If she checks them out, they are in fact additional copies of the base forms.

>>53502244
Now, what is that supposed to mean?
>Priscilla sighs and unlatches the questionable collar, tossing it into a drawer of her desk that opens itself rather conveniently.
I think I agree, regardless.

>>53502297
Perfect!
Say, did an Oozemancy student make you?

>>53502127
I would prefer either gold or corpses.
>>53502133
Well I suppose I'll find someone else who might want a Cursed Skull or two.
>>53502186
>reaches into a bag at his side and takes out a marble white skull
Here it is, the Cursed Skull of Uriel the Obscure. Keep it away from wells unless you really want someplace to vanish off the face of Aen.
>>53502197
Nice, nice. Is any of this too your liking perhaps? It's admittedly leftovers from my lab, but I imagine it might be to the liking of a slime like yourself.

>>53502313
>he wets his hands to smooth his hair back, and gives a great big smile that deans
>This perchance may have been a distraction from him to change his name tag
I remember making a table for her, it was like making one for a dining hall.
>and he mumbles
I liked the collar....

>>53502197
N-no?
>>53502329
Curses are bad.

>>53502329
>Torrey nods and takes it between her large talons.
Thanks.
Anyway, where should I put all these?
>She gestures toward the pile of artifacts and nearly-bursting Bag of Holding filled with more.

>>53502329
I'll go with the former since we already have a trade agreement for the latter worked out.

>>53502313
Hey, Pris, you ever get around to digging up those Cryomancy documents I asked for?

>>53502317
idunno. as long as i can remember ive been a little vial of green gunk in a dark room.
>>53502329
>the slime sniffs at the proffered sack
>you imagine if it had any sort of face it would be salivating
can i have that? that smells REALLY good.
>>53502350
aw yiss.

>>53502313
Hey, you're the one wearing it. Plus...>>53502348
seemed to not mind.

>Diana shrugs.


>>53502409
Uhh....Uhm, are any of them actually worth having? Like, what do they even DO?

>>53502244
I expect she won't be around. Much easier to send her errand girl.
>Her face falls bitter for a moment, then her expression lightens again.
Anyways, do witches have a reputation?

>>53502313
>She winces away from the sudden rush of papers, collecting them from the air quickly as they hang in place.
Is there any point in delivering these if she doesn't ever bother showing up in this place? I'll probably be back again, but she'll probably stick to her house.

>>53502350
Only when you're on the receiving end. They can be quite useful against your enemies as long as you can stay out of the way once it hits.
>>53502424
Very well then, the Cursed Skull of Famal the Tempest will be yours. But tell me, do you ever use these artefacts that you're gathering, or are you just a collector?
>>53502433
Yes, you can have it all. It's no use to me anyway.

>>53502502
...You scare me.
>>53502433
>Lifts her foot
You want this?
>>53502487
A reputation of wearing nothing.

>>53502433
Ya got a name?

>>53502502
For now it's just a collection more or less because I've yet to get through all the artifacts the other me left.
I will use it, eventually.
And I take pretty good care of them.
Make sure they're clean every day.
Even the ones that want me to murder everyone.
So, the Cursed Skull of Famal the Tempest, what price do you want for it? Ten? Twenty?

>>53502553
Yo, Carmina, do you know of any good shops that sell figurines?

>>53502502
>the slime slithers into the sack. a series of wet eating noises occur and and almost double the size slime slithers out
oh yeah! i feel awesome! i feel... really awesome!
>the slime quivers for a bit, before a lump forms in it. as it bobs to the surface, you can see its a single yellow eye
woooooo! vision!
>>53502553
>with a quick slurp, carminas shoes now feel a lot cleaner

>>53502487
...yes, they have a reputation. What KIND of reputation depends a lot on the witch. Some are known for being powerful wielders of arcane might, others known for their ruthless mastery of magical combat, still others for their presence and ability to make an entire room turn and stare at her.

There are several that you'll probably be able to meet after the meeting if you delve into the Archives.

>>53502553
Oh hush, Jill wears plenty and Faustine does too when her familiar isn't screwing around.

>>53502348
I see. Salads do well enough for me, most days.
And I decided that I didn't, so it had to go.

>>53502424
Cryomancy documents? Did you submit an official request?
I may have forgotten if not.

>>53502443
Yes, that's how it seems...
>She looks over at Nagel, then back to Diana and shrugs.
Nothing particularly special.

>>53502487
Well, at the base level of membership there aren't any requirements except a few rules that should be followed. Those only apply on Guild grounds, however.
So, it wouldn't hurt, per se, to be a member of the guild and never show up. However, it would also be somewhat superfluous, but not harmful in any way.
>Priscilla smiles.
Perhaps you might as well, in case she decides to pay you a visit? Light restrictions are placed on visitors, which can sometimes be annoying.

>>53502655
Well, this meeting is quite all that relevant to me, see you around.
>jumps put a window

>>53502611
nope! do i need one?

>>53502443
I don't have the slightest clue. I can just dump them all and you can sift through, if you want.
I didn't watch the entire thing get loaded, but it's probably a catastrophically large amount.
>She looks up at the tall ceiling.
The whole pile could probably fit in here.
Probably.

>>53502553
I'm a very old necromancer, and I've more than once been an evil overlord. Scaring people comes naturally. Though I did not intend to scare you, so I apologise for the discomfort.
>>53502611
Ten sounds reasonable, it's one of the more unwieldy ones after all.
>>53502617
Congratulations on your new sense of vision. Enjoying the scenery?

>>53502409
>>53502708
Leave them for now. We'll sort them out eventually.

>>53502709
yeah! man, you humans look way weirder than you smell.
you got any more tasty stuff?

>>53502611
Not nearby, no.
>>53502617
That sounded odd.
>>53502635
They are the exceptions that prove the rule.
>>53502709
That's alright. You still pay damn good.

>>53501465
Ok
>after a short amount of serching he finds what we was looking for and puts it into his bag of holding.
>>53502747
>has taken out a note book and has been writing down multiple observations since then.
>begins to ask a few questions
What kind of materials can you eat?
What senses do you have?

>>53502747
Not on me, there should be plenty of dirt and leftover blood in my lab however if you want something to eat after we all scuttle off when the meeting ends.
>>53502775
I do feel talent should be rewarded, I take it your business is doing well?

>>53502655
Fair enough. I suppose I'll get these back to her when I leave.

>>53502553
I appreciate the aesthetics of clothes a little too much to go without, so no worries there.

>>53502635
Hm. I haven't even decided what I want to get particularly good at yet. Though that's a decision for when I'm actually decent at anything.

>>53502732
Just dump the whole thing here?
I can't leave without the bag; it wasn't part of the delivery, so I need to bring it back with me. In case that was unclear.

>>53502780
>Torrey watches him, then shrugs.
It's anyone's delivery, after all.

>>53502775
should be all clean though!
>>53502780
uh... i dont really know. all ive been letting myself eat has been the crap on the floor. everything else looks a bit too big to digest.
right now i can smell and taste, and now i can see too!
>>53502816
yeaaaaaaaah!
>the slime seems very excited
im gonna polish that sucker shiny!

>>53502816
Very well indeed, yes.
>>53502835
That's pretty good for you then.
>>53502855
Thank you.

>>53502835
Delightful!
I'll be at the front desk if you have any questions -- and if I'm not, just ring the bell~!
>The desk's largest drawer opens up and Priscilla hops into it, disappearing. Her chair folds up and flies in after her, then all the drawers on the desk shut.
>The desk folds itself up into a small rectangular prism only an inch or two thick and two feet in each other dimension, then disappears in a poof of glittery pink smoke.

>>53502655
Probably.
I wanted a document that detailed the amount of students currently enrolled and the amount of people in the department that actively taught Cryomancy.
I also wanted to get an average for each staff's work hours.
Because I am teaching someone Cryomancy and I was thinking about just getting a side job here as well.

>>53502709
Awesome.
Um, how do you want the delivery of the payment to be done?
All at once in a big container?
All at once spread throughout several chests?
Or would you rather it come into the department at a daily or weekly rate?

>>53502775
Damn. You still collecting or no?

>>53502835
Well, you seem eager to learn. That helps a lot. Hopefully you find something you're good at.
When the thread is over there will be a link to archived.moe, where we continue playing in between threads. Feel free to join us if you want!

>>53502775
Carmina...is this really the fight you want to have?

>>53502932
>Priscilla pops up next to Lurco with a pen and clipboard in hand.
Ah! I'll consider this the official request, then.
Expect it within the next day or two. Until then~
>She poofs away again.

>>53502683
No, but names are fun.

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>>53499398
Fuck you old man, you don't like, control me man! Im an adult now and I do what I want!
>He pushes the button

>>53502855
Can you please be more specific than that.

>>53503039
hmmm
>the slime bubbles a bit
i think there was a name on my vial.i dont remember it though. i couldnt read when i fell off the shelf and it broke.
>>53503083
well so far the only thing i dont think i can eat is glass. i ate a rat though! out in the corridor!

>>53503054
Well, that's my cue.
>She opens the latch of the bag and empties out an absolute mountain of assorted artifacts, taking up almost a fifth of the entire meeting hall with a mountain of objects.
>She slings the bag over her back and stretches her wings.
The button didn't do that, I just don't want to stick around to find out what it actually does and you guys were taking too long to answer.
I'm out.
>She takes off with a powerful swoosh of her wings, carrying the cursed skull she got from Lazarus, and slips back out the window.

>>53503054
Wait d-
>>53503160
...

This has to be a nightmare...

>>53503021
Alright, thanks Pris.

>>53503126
Well, since you don't really have parents you can have the fun of naming yourself!
But ask around if you want someone else to help you with it.

>>53503160
>>53503184
...I can easily clean this up and store it.
If that's okay.

>>53502951
I guess not.
>>53503160
>Shrieks as she's buried under artifacts

>>53503160
I told him we should have hired courier griffins, they would never chicken out.

>>53503184
>Double flip off

>>53503208
>the slime looks around the room a bit before staring off into space in contemplation
I wanna be called...
called...
>it bubbles in intense thought
shiny! cause i make stuff all clean and shiny!

>>53503208
...what's the catch?

>>53503221
>Starts trying to unbury the Nor Marchen tailor.

>Begins screeching

>>53503160
Oh for fucks sake I nod off for one hour and somebody floods the room.

>>53503262
>Is buried
>Her exposed arm twitches
>It sounded like her glasses broke
>Or maybe that was her bones

>>53503256
Sounds good, Shiny!

>>53503262
No catch.
Just that since I'm storing it, I'll be allowed to handle security and maintenance of the items.
So yes? No?

>>53503319
>Flips off Pierre

>>53503320
No touchy!

>>53503126
Hmmm... can you eat metal?
>>53503256
That name is suitable for now, you can change it later if you like.

>>53503340
yay!
say, whats with all the piles of junk everywhere?
people seem to be really upset with it all.
do you think its tasty?

>>53503319
>Chucks a random artifact across the room
>>53503340
Can't touchy. Can't store anymore post this influx, let alone what the bird dropped on us.

>>53503374
No touchy!

>>53503376
>Skids on his face as he scurries to catch the artifact
Watch it you bastard!

>>53503402
aw. what is it all though? if youre trying to get rid of it...
>the slime does its best to look unassuming with one eye

>>53503340
...Good luck getting Izz to okay it.

>>53503333
>Starts pulling away things near the arm, hoping to uncover a face soon.

>>53503319
I hope you realize the only reason I'm not blaming you for this is because we all saw Bryan do it.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>53503402
Ha. Humor me.
>FASTBALL SPECIAL

>>53503440
>You quickly uncover her face!
>Her glasses are nowhere to be found
>Neither is consciousness.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>53503426
No! They are rare magical items that can be considered national treasures!
Each and everyone one of them!

>>53503440
Easy.

>>53503445
Let me store it you bastard!
You know I have the room for all of it and the obsession to make sure it all stays in place!
>Tries to catch the next one

>>53503468
>Out the window it goes
Yes you can store it. I was too busy being asleep to tell you we hit maximum capacity.
Just doing this to screw with you.

>>53503468
>Get's hit in the head and falls on his back

>>53503468
oh.
>shiny looks slightly dissapointed

>>53503493
Ahahahaha!
You fool!
>Lurco gets up and pulls out box with a crank
>He opens it up and starts cranking it, a jaunty tune being played and the artifacts all start glowing with a protective aura that levitates them
>They start dancing into the box
>He'll be doing this for a while

>>53503496
>Even better
Aim is still good.
>>53503528
Well, there he goes.
Ok, thats the immediate problem.

>>53503468
...

>>53503461
I'm going to let the medics deal with this. I hope.
>Carries Carmina out.

>>53503523
Try not to eat magic stuff, bad things will probably happen if you do.

>>53503900
fiiiine.
i just wanan eat lotsa stuff so i can get bigger! im gonna get a second eye next!

>>53503975
Just don't eat magic stuff, you could easily kill yourself if you do.

>>53504001
that sounds painful and not very tasty at all.

>Wanders in
Hmm, anyone still in here?

>>53504442
hey!
do you have anything tasty on you?

>>53504442
Talking about artifacts.

>>53504465
Tasty? For a slime like yourself...

Cookie?
>He holds out a cookie
>>53504492
Blugh, artifacts.

Always a mess.

>>53504547
Still an unsolved mess.
It would appear Pierre wishes to scatter them across the landscape while Lazarus would have them taken by thieves then returned at a later date.

Your take?

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>>53501279
Yes Jack and Diana, he was pretty much shadow-stuff at that point so the only way to kill him it seemed (from his regenerating prior) was to actually find a means to get rid of the stuff so he couldn't glue himself back together to form a physical body it was actually mostly chance combination of spells really, I- er DID have help with a few charmed individuals who could help me in manners my expertise was not able to help, the casting of spells I am prohibited due to my studies.

I should note that, despite being a Lich, there is in fact, very little to give away such nature, I was only able to discern this when I noticed one of my 'companions' fleeing away from him, as he drew closer once I investigated his since neglected abode, barring the wine cellar, which was in orderly condition, you see, for all intents and purpose the creature was essentially almost identical to that of a traditional shade, barring a difference in the eyes being nothing more than darkened pits opposed to Shades being humanoids that had merged themselves with shadowstuffs for extended lifespan and the benefits of the plane of shadow still sporting their once mortal features.

Effectively, the Fear aura alerted me to it's nature, that and detect undead from my temporary companions, and their difficulty in turning the creature.

The duel was in effect, somewhat to my advantage, I had a larger repertoire of spells at my disposal, and if- as my quick thinking led me to believe this creature I chanced upon was what I thought it was, It's powers benefited me just as much as it did itself. It did use undead shadows against us, which I found held a greater concern for my health as I learned, opposed to traditional paralysis, it too drained my strength by touch. After the battle, I observed it's lair until to my misfortune, I began to notice it rejuvenating, luckily, I had wands to spare to make up for my loss of spells for the day, and left the task of handling it to my companions.

>>53504547
hell yeah!
>the slime happily absorbs the cookie
aw yeah, thats the stuff.
>the slime goes back to hungrily polishing the floor

>>53504582
...Pierre's probably gonna scatter stuff for adventuring parties anyway.
>>53504616
Glad you like it.
This your first guild thread?

>>53504636
hey! watch this!
>the slime bubbles and quivers as a second eye materializes inside of it
hell yeah! binocular vision! i am all up in this seein game!

>>53504636
"Stuff" with lethal consequences potentially buried from the first age?

>>53504667
That's very interesting. My niece would be very jealous.
>>53504687
That sounds exactly like something Pierre would do.

>>53504704
That part isn't up for debate. The oddity is that he's just being given free reign to do it.

>>53504704
im gonna keep eating stuff and get even bigger!

>>53504749
Only the archwizard is realistically able to try to stop him.
>>53504788
Be careful not to get too big.

>>53504829
i wanna be person sized! all the doors and chairs and stuff are that big, so i dont think i want to be any bigger.

>>53504829
Never would have to make an attempt to stop him if he was never donated them in the first place.
Bah, change of subject. Necromancy results come back well this year?

>>53504865
That's a good idea.
>>53504889
Necromancy results never come back good. but...
>Shrug
Could be worse.

>>53504929
Less than 50% pass rate?

>>53504929
i know!
ooh, if im gonna be person sized im gonna need like, arms and a head and stuff.
maybe i should just shape myself like a person. that seems like a good plan.

>>53504994
At least a 65 percent survival rate, in every class from every teacher.

I think that's a record...
>>53505026
Probably the best way to go about it.

>>53505044
Far better than "Could be worse".
Wait... What's changed?

>>53505065
I don't want to say it was ectomancy getting dumped on us halfway through.

So instead I'll say it was Obsidia letting Huggie wander the halls of the department and scared everyone. That makes sense, right?

>>53505134
I've missed the Ectomancy Necromancy merge and everything surrounding it, so it sounds like you're dodging.
But by all means, that skeleton is intimidating.

>>53505044
>the slime scoots its way out of the meeting room, leaving a clean trail behind it
onwards, to bigness!

>>53505169
It is, isn't it?
>>53505178
So long!
>Waves

>>53505185
Now, a better question. Excluding dropping out by death. What section of the subject did students find the most difficult this round?

I come bringing coffee and pastries. Please feel free to help yourselves to them

>>53505225
Hmm, let's see...
>He pulls out a sheaf of paper and flicks through it
Looks like... Hmm, definitely Corpse animating 101. The average necromancer failures and well over half the ectomancers failed.

>>53505263
Aha, Mortimer. The usual Mortimer. Been a while, how are you?
>Takes a teapot
>>53505272
Question. If they cannot animate a corpse, what on earth are they doing there?
Unless skeletons don't count as corpses.

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>>53505263
Thank you, Mort. I've been feeling like crap the past few days.

>>53505272
>>53505294
So can either of you explain the recent avalanche of things?

>>53505294
Apparently all death magic was lumped into necromancy. It was a little slapdash so the curriculum is still being adjusted.
>>53505325
Pierre. Probably.

>>53505325
Delivery from an anonymous source. Sent via harpy. More artifacts than one would traditionally want.
>>53505352
So despite the split between body and soul, they're all together?
Cannot tell if that makes paperwork easier or more difficult.

>>53505294
Of course
>>53505325
Why's that Sam?

>>53499452
Supporting this. Do it for our department!
And I have no ulterior motives for this.

>>53505352
That's everything, though.

>>53505375
...I've half a mind to return the whole thing back to its sender. And maybe add a few thigns on top...

>>53505376
It's complicated. Is your sister still a practicing therapist? May need to talk with her this coming week.

>>53505375
Infinitely more difficult.
>>53505457
Which means I'm not wrong.

Also, you may not want to ask his sister for therapy. She gave Obsidia a very intense drug for her stress.

>>53505457
She is, and she would be happy to see you. In fact, the mandatory therapy sessions are coming up this

>>53505376
What have you been up too recently?
>>53505444
You understand that he is still angry after your last outburst, correct?
>>53505457
Too late, Lurco had the lot for his collection. The harpy also cleared off before we could get an address.
>>53505483
So what were the Ectomancers passing, their own course, Necromancy or a combination of the two?

>>53505523
Tending to my garden, making sure the right paper work goes where, making a new oration sheet for the new red robes, the usual

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>>53505178
Onwardses to consume inferior slimeses!
>Chases after

>>53505444
...Like I believe that for a moment. I've since learned that the easiest way to tell if a conspiromancer is lying is if his lips are moving.

>>53505483
Wait, was this recent?

>>53505493
I think I just need someone to vent to that won't judge...

>>53505523
A pity.

>>53505523
Their own courses.
>>53505570
Several months ago, shortly before Moira arrived.

>>53505523
You understand if he could have killed me he would have and I would still be an apprentice, correct?
>>53505570
Contrary to popular belief I cannot tell a lie.
I mean, that doesn't require me to tell the truth, I just can't lie until I've been a conspiromancer for at least another year.

>>53505570
Well she is the giant to talk to then.

>>53505558
None of the recent upsets got to you then? Good to know.
>>53505586
And they were pulled into corpse rasing why?
I am not accusing you of anything, this clearly goes upwards to Lazarus setting the curriculum.
>>53505592
He did claim that he would "Skullfuck your soul" so honestly, I'm surprised you're still with us.

>>53505632
You should have heard the graduation speech he gave me.

>>53505704
Colourful?

>>53505632
>He helplessly shrugs

>>53505759
This entire thing seems extremely rushed.
Congratulations on the survival rate if so, I imagine most of the Ectomancers were unprepared for the Necromancy Department.

>>53505586
I noticed she seems a lot livelier recently, which is a good thing.

>>53505617
I'll set up a time, hopefully this week.

>>53505786
Most things are. I went from graduated apprentice to Interim Department Chair in the span of about two meetings.

>>53505786
>He laughs hysterically for a good few minutes
>When it finally dies down, he speaks
We woke up one day and had to figure out how to integrate a second entire department and its entire student body.

>>53505808
Hm. Valuable under Noel I suppose.
>>53505811
This happened in the meeting I missed, didn't it?
Lazarus just... Took them all right there and then?

>>53505808
Getting out of the department has done wonders for her.

Seems she's a free spirit with a need for independence.
>>53505841
I seem to recall the Archwizard just telling them they were a part of us, to be honest.

I think Lazarus bribed him.

>>53505808
Is Saturday a good day for you?

>>53505841
She may be incredibly bombastic but damn if she isn't a powerhouse in her element.

>>53505854
...Are we sure that isn't just her being a teenage girl? Because I felt that a lot when I was her age.

>>53505875
I should be able to work something out, yes.

>>53505854
Well, he got his wish and the rates went up.
Your personal take on the merge?
>>53505936
Same question to you then. Geomancy results?

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>>53505936
>>53505841
Shes also one of the only Pyromancers who cares to deal with bureaucracy.
Most of us hate paperwork.

>>53505936
I was never a teenage girl, how am I supposed to know?

>>53505957
I mean, Literally none of the spirit caller half of ectomancy has signed up for next semester yet, so... I don't think it worked the way Lazarus wanted it to.

>>53505936
Well okay then. I will let her know

>>53505971
Rather see it aflame?
>>53505975
Hmm. Ouch.

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>>53505957
Not the best year. Of those applying for graduation we only had a 30% clear rate. But most in the department seem to STAY with the department, for a long time. I'm sure at least two-thirds of them could graduate, they just don't want to.

>>53505975
...Alright, fair point.

>>53505994
Thank you Mortimer.

>>53505971
Also true.

>>53506009
Yup.
>>53506045
Yeah.

I think I'm gonna go check on her, see ya.

>>53506045
Odd. Why would they not want too?
>>53506067
Good luck. Bye.

>>53506067
Good night.

>>53506115
They don't want anything to change.

>>53506203
So they're just hanging around the department taking up space?

>>53506241
And doing works in the study of geomancy that require an absolute mastery of the craft.

>>53506333
The elements are traditionally difficult to pass then? Odd considering how common those who practice them are.

>>53506362
They're not that difficult if you know what you are doing. It's just that in the department that embraces doing the same thing over and over again, the people who want to advance further are not the same as the people who have attained mastery.

Or to put it more bluntly, those who want to graduate often can't, and those who can graduate often don't want to.

Greetings everyone! As it turns out, I'm currently behind quota, so I'm making another one of my semiannual appearances. As usual, applications have been left in the foyer. Faculty and Administration currently dealing with unruly apprentices or student, please do not hesitate to send them my way.

Additionally, if anyone sees Noel, please let her know I said hello and that the term of her initial contract is nearly up, but my client is willing to renegotiate.

>>53506436
Forgive me, it might be the hour of the evening but that makes absolutely no sense to me at all.
>>53506452
Welcome back, though I have to ask. Who is your client?

>>53506452
>Sam can't help but scoff.

...Yeah. Good luck with that.

>>53506483
I don't blame you.

>>53506502
Was this an improvement over last year?

What is all this? I leave for a month to go find the magical chlorox from the great Wall-Mart to deal with the fungal problem in the cellars and lower levels, and what happens? Talking slimes, an abundance of artifacts, more Alchemical spillage (one of these days, Mort and I are going to have a very quick conversation, one involving the family battleaxe), and, as always, a meeting that I am late to.

I'm beginning to think I'm fated to be perpetually late. Oh, well. How have the lower levels and the cellars fared in my absence? Besides Morts general incompetence, I mean. Also, if there's any artifacts yet unclaimed, can I finally get my hands on a spare chronosphere? I want to see if I can figure out a way to get my brother back, and I don't trust those chronomancers to do anything more than screw things up further.

>>53506537
Dave, good to see you. The cellars are fine. I'm afraid Lurco took all the remaining artifacts.
Also, I wouldn't trust time magic in general. Apologies for your loss.

>>53506483
I'm afraid telling you would be breaking confidentiality. The details of all contracts are to remain known only to the signed parties. Given your position with the Guild, however, you're likely acutely aware of my client.

>>53506502
Scoff as you will.

>>53506559
Oh THEM. Not again...
Grateful I never took up any pacts. Can they please stop offering them to my staff? It's becoming frustrating.

>>53506532
I'd have to look at the forms the previous Chair left, I think.

>>53506537
I heard there was a golem incursion that was put down, but that's all I know.

>>53506559
If you say so.
>She scoffs again, out of spite this time.

>>53506606
Hmm. Well, it would be interesting to know.
Current enrollment rates looking good?

>>53506549
Thanks. Chromomancers kicked him out of this reality entirely on accident, and their idea of "condolences" was telling me that with any luck, nobody else would remember he even existed. Tell that to my sister and her brats-I mean, my adorable little nephews, who are in no way troublesome, noisy, or malodorous.

Still, no more? Shame, but you're right. Probably for the best. I should probably go see about destroying those fungi. Hopefully, none have become sentient. Myconids are not something I have the willpower for right now.

>>53506606
Golems, eh? Any gem-studded ones? I know my brother made a few of those back when he was with the geomancy department, and it's always nice to see his handiwork again.

>>53506641
Chronomancers are the scum of the guild.
You have a mushroom problem?

>shiny scoots into the meeting room, now far larger than before, around the size of a large dog
woo! yeah!
you would not believe how much garbage i found downstairs!

>>53506630
Sustainable, at least.

>>53506641
I'd have to ask the two who did the exploration, but I don't recall them mentioning any gems.

>>53506720
...Uh oh.

>>53506734
uh oh is right! this guild is gonna be so clean you meatbags wont be able to see anything with how shiny itll be!

>>53506720
You ATE garbage?
>>53506734
I'd ask higher or lower rates than last year, but I presume you would also need the notes of the previous head.

>>53506605
I'll see what I can manage.

Also, someone please remind me; Law Department, do they deal with the laws of magic, or with law-affecting magic?

>>53506720
...Man, am I glad I took all of my good stuff with me. Judging from the color and smell, he never got into the wine, else he'd be a booze ooze.

>>53506776
Yes.

>>53506776
I'm afraid it's actually to do with non-magical laws. We need them to survive lawsuits from the surrounding countries when someone fucks up.
Law affecting magic? You want Conspiromancers.
Dealing with the laws of magic? That's just the magical theory department.

>>53506773
I believe slightly higher, but not by a significant margin.

>>53506776
Law-affecting magic, I'm fairly sure.

>>53506800
Good job then.

>>53506773
at this point im pretty sure i can eat anything!
i ate 2 garbage piles, a pile of roof tiles on floor 3, and a mop some fella in a red robe tried to hit me with.
>>53506793
wow! you smell really weird!

>>53506824
Please. Do not ever eat a sapient or sentient being.

>>53506824
Probably the Chlorox. Strong smell, fast acting.

>>53506836
Yeah, especially not one bogged down with a large amount of fairly toxic chemicals. Like liquified venom-drake breath.

>>53506836
bluuuugh, dont worry. just a whiff of you guys is enough to put me off my eatin game. humans REEK of salt and fat, and im trying to increase mass, not make myself sick.

>>53506864
Exactly. You have no idea what other living creatures have consumed.
>>53506871
Ha. Well, it's technically a compliment that you don't want to eat us.

>>53506889
i dunno, if you all keep this place too clean i might be willing to settle.
>the slime is kidding. probably.

>>53506871
Have you considered bulking on a mass quantity of souls instead? All the benefits of feasting on humanity without the risk of physical illness.

>>53506916
Hmmm. How long have you existed?
>>53506919
The creature needs physical mass, souls are purely spiritual.

>>53506919
hmmm... how are souls on biomass?
>>53506938
2 hours!

hey, i forgot, i was gonna try being a diffrent shape!
>the slime, currently in a big gumdrop pile, quivers a bit, pulling itself vertical
aw yeah... upright! now... how the hell do i be person shaped?

>>53506938
Not where I come from they're not.

>>53506988
You need limbs. Arms and Legs.
>>53506999
...Explain?

>>53507003
>the small goop pillar wobbles, changing shape awkwardly
>arms and a head begin to emerge, sort of, but legs remain lost somewhere in a blobby mass
>the slime has now graduated to a slimeperson although one who doesnt entirely grasp the subtlties of how humans are built
tada!

>>53507003
How do you think Lemures are formed?

>>53507057
Decent start.
Try and find a mirror and see how you're doing.
>>53507065
From other Lemures.

>>53507090
ooh! i saw one down the hall!
>shiny wobbles out of the door

>>53507065
When a he-devil and a she-devil love each other, very much, they share a special hug. But, if the she-devil drinks while pregnant, a Lemure is born. That's what my nan told me. On the other hand, she was crazy like a two-headed dragon.

>>53507057
Why go human, though? If you want a form, you can become anything you want. Personally, the idea of a slime dragon intrigues me, though you would need a lot more biomass. And maybe some dragon blood.

>>53507117
Good luck.
>>53507129
Didn't you have a booze ooze once?

>>53507090
Well yes, cannibalism is a fairly common occurrence among the lesser fiends, but the infernal ranks are not self sustaining. New arrivals and completed contracts tend to keep reserves full though.

>>53507175
Hmm. Makes sense.
Plenty of contracts this year so far?

>>53507212
In the first quarter, yes. Currently behind quota as I mentioned earlier, and my deadline is approaching a little too quickly for comfort.

>shiny returns, looking far better molded
yeah! human type shapes! this is awesome!
i even copied the weird stuff humans have on their heads!
>shiny happily gestures at the new short goo twintails
i gotta say, this sentience thing is really neat!

>>53507242
How many do you have to reach, and how quickly?

>>53507251
Congratulations, you have legs now.
Strange compared to moving without them?

>>53507140
Once? No, lad, they're my specialty. Came here with my brother, long time ago. He joined geomancy, but had no head for the politics, so he never really got far. Me? I came to learn how to make booze oozes, but stayed when I realized you guys didn't have your own brewmaster. As a dwarf, this made no sense to me. I mean, ye've got cellars, ye've got wine, ye have everything in place for one. But ye didn't have one! Or, maybe you did, but he left?

Anyway, we stayed for the business opportunities. He sold gems and material he found on the plane of elemental earth, and I took it upon meself to become official boozemaster. Why, I've made booze oozes for dignitaries, princes, high-society parties, and simply for the hell of it.

Once. Hah! If only.

>>53507251
And it's female. Not too surprising, not these days. Would look better with a beard, though.

>>53507264
Ah! That explains a lot. Tell me, how did your brother end up in trouble with the Chronomancers?

>>53507264
Now you've just got me wondering what a slime girl with a beard would look like...

There are various ways to assemble that image, and I like none of them.

>>53507287
I believe dwarven women have then but I've never actually been to the dwarven holds, so that's only passed on knowledge

>>53507263
I don't like it. I think I'm gonna stick to scooting around. It's really hard to get anywhere with my center of gravity swinging all over the place.
>>53507264
Huh? I just copied off a painting I saw in the hall.

>>53507317
Legs take practice. Perhaps you could find a way to morph between the two at will?

>>53507255
Bare minimum would be another baker's dozen before the next new moon. Shouldn't be an issue, considering the applications I've left in the foyer. Why do you ask, have a "volunteer" in mind?

>>53507356
No actually. Didn't know you could volunteer people for contracts.
...That's unsettling

>>53507303
I'm not sure myself.

Part of me wants to see this slime collect itself a beard and a head of hair from spare, shed hairs of everyone in this place.

Wait, you're all still in here?
Well, when you're done. Head down to the archives. We have to clean this place and sort out all the artifacts that are lying around. Honestly, you people are messy.
If you like freeform RP and the mages atmosphere, consider dropping in on the archives where we post between threads!
Normal link: https://archived.moe/rp/thread/2049/
Mobile link: https://archived.moe/rp/last/20/2049/

>>53507279
Nothing. He did nothing. One day, there was one of those "events", then suddenly, half the folks here couldn't recall him ever existing, he disappeared, and I've got an awkward letter to write my sister-in-law.

>>53507303
They do, just not as long. Sometimes, it's just peach fuzz, and barely noticeable to an outsider. Also, they braid it differently.

>>53507317
Well, keep at it. You'll figger it out. I gotta go kill some fungus, so I'll see you folks later.

>>53507383
That's creative, yet disturbing.
>>53507402
Hm, interesting. Goodbye Dave.
Hope to see you in the Archives again