Meanwhile on Dragon /tg/

>>53410289
Some movement on Human /tg/ where all kobolds should be cute and NOT servants to dragons.

Dracoogle up "Cutebolds"

>>53410289
just cull the herd my man

>>53410289
>not laying waſte to the dwarſ yourſelf
Baſe and lowly dragonſ infeſting my landſ, weak I calleth thee, and receiveth the hell off mine own fair garden.

>>53410289
Hey guys. It's been about 500 years since I got back together with my old play group, and I'm kinda nervous. It's a standard adventure (raid the castle, steal the princess, yadda yadda), but I think I might have lost my edge. That, and I'm a little worried about the Red Dragon in my play group picking the 'half human' template. Any advice?

>>53410289
Humans brainwashed them into being their sex slaves.
Yes you heard it right.
They are taking our slaves to fuck them instead of eating them.

I blame the degenerate influence of Silver dragons.

>>53411746
>That, and I'm a little worried about the Red Dragon in my play group picking the 'half human' template. Any advice?

Pick the Variant Half-Human and laugh as he fumes.

>>53411803
How does that work? The only interaction I've seen between humans and kobolds are the humans mowing through my kobolds like grass when I have to cull some of them and am too lazy to do it myself

>>53411884
Blue here.
Try to transform into a human sometime and look up their slave markets.
The humans are quite similar to us in their desire to fuck or dominate something weaker or degrade something stronger than them.
I've recently secretly taken over a few human tribes in secret and started to harras some of the older dragons with them.
The idiots not only managed to kill of an annoying Copper but brought me its hoard as well only taking a few magic swords for them selves.

Meanwhile my kobold servants only serve as food and goblin detterent.

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>>53410289
>Taking advantage of innocent Kobolds
I just told some high level adventurers that can find some real treasure you abusive fuck. Consider it merciful that I warned you in advance!

>>53414334
>Lesser beings
>Worth caring about
Pick one

>>53410289
Do what I did. Ditch the Kobolds, find a semi-trustworthy underdark slaver, buy a shit-ton of Duergar, and you're good to go. They can change size, build shit, mine for gold to add to your hoard, and they hate other Dwarves with a passion, so they're unlikely to side with your enemies. Plus, unlike kobolds or goblins, they're very hardy. Sure, they're smater than a hench-being should be, but that's easy enough to deal with. They hate sunlight, so I made sure to stock my lair with sun-crystals, capable of being activated by my will.

The only real problems I've had is that they smell bad and are ugly as all get-out, but it's a small price to pay.

>>53411803
>I blame the degenerate influence of Silver dragons.
>>>/dragonpol/

>>53410289
You sound like a faggot, OP.

You need to engage your kobolds, encourage them to worship and please you, cement it in their little brains that keeping you happy is the most important thing in their short, pathetic lives. They instinctively want to and look to you for guidance, so when you're lazy and aloof they will be lazy and aloof right back.

I'm not saying do something crazy, like let them wake you from your slumber without a slow, painful, public execution, but if you are going to be their tyrant you need to act like it.

>>53410289
qt elf worshiper
wat do?

>>53410289

>Using kobolds
>not cultivating tribes of human barbarians to worship you as a god.

That's what you get.

>>53417114
Is her family wealthy?

>>53416305
??? Even other metallics agree that silver dragons are degenerate human fuckers.
>>53417114
Use her as a pawn to enhance your power and grow a religion worshiping you, I know a friend who did something like this and it paid off big time for him.

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>>53414334

I was considering tipping over a space station but I suppose a few humans can do for a snack for now.

That said, the mineral wealth of these asteroids arn't going to dig themselves. Get back to work or it's night time duties for you in my inner sanctum.

>>53416305
Spotted the silver

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Water Dragon here. Moved to a new beach after getting bored of dealing with annoying lizard people.

Now I find that I'm sharing an ocean with a Kracken. What do?

>>53410289
Because you're a shit-tier dragon that only attracts shit-tier kobold slaves. My minions are so eager to bring me blood and treasure I have to keep them restrained more often than give orders.

>kobolds
Just use undead, OD. Lower maintenance, often more efficient.
Hell, you could make them out of your kobods.

>>53414334
>Thinking any non-dragon lives mater
>Especially Kobolds

Absolute wyvern-tier.

>>53417537
Lure it to shore and kill it. If you're too much of a wuss, sink some human boats and spread rumors the kraken was responsible.

>>53417537
What you do next depends on how big the kraken is. Could it swallow you whole? If so, >>53417779. If you're not, though, I recommend the text "Deep Tactics for the Deep" for how to effectively control a kraken. It's actually not that hard; their minds are nothing compared to that of a dragon, but you do need to know what you're doing.

After that, you can have it snatch ships within thousands of square miles and collect the cargo for you.

>>53410289
So fellow dragons, what is your favorite color/type of dragon and what color/type are you.
>Copper
>Star Drake

>>53416305
Metallic dragons are never not to blame.

>>53417864
What kind of question is that? My favorite type of dragon is myself, of course.

>>53417864
drake scum get out or get in my mouth

>>53418122
You're that eager to suck his dick?

Even Silvers go on a date first.

>>53418305
To eat you faggot

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>See Dragon Thread.
>Think to myself, "Wonder if thread has ripened enough to cause the vorefags to bloom."
>Scroll to bottom
>See >>53418122
>Mfw I know you beautiful faggots too well.

Never change /tg/, Never change.

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>>53410330
>Dracoogle.

>>53411582
>landſ
that's wrong, grampa

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Pardon me, gentlemen.

I am an emmisary from Human /tg/, and was asked to send our latest donations? For not kidnapping our OPs, and razing our threads, of course.

>>53418975
>For not kidnapping our OPs, and razing our threads, of course.
Dude, our OPs are faggots and are threads are filled with kolbold lovers and other unsavory characters.

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>>53419033
Nonetheless, do I just... leave the gold cart here, or do you have, like, an offering area?

>>53418975
>send our latest donations
they mean you

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>>53419110
They... They what?

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sup /dtg/, just wanted to ask, how do we feel about these guys? Are they even really dragons, and how does one hand them?

My broodsister dated one for a while, but dropped him when our sire declared them as not dragons. The guy apparently lost his shit and put some sort of curse on our line without saying what that curse actually does, so I'm

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Gold Broodsister here. Some locals keep showing up in my territory begging for assistance in overthrowing each others dynasties in their petty little mortal powergames.
I told them to go away multiple times and since I guess I wasn't forceful enough, now they're sending emmisaries and keep asking for my scales. INSISTENTLY. It's really annoying.
I keep myself well-groomed and shiny and they think I'm some shepard's mutton to be sheared so casually?
Worse still, they insulted my book collection!
Not verbally of course, but I could smell the distain and I saw those sneers they tried to hide!
So what if I prefer my books on display and keeping my hoard private? They don't need to look so disappointed and...
Also, I think they're flattering my form overmuch for just political treaty. Should I have ignored transformation etiquette or at least dialed down the visual? Do they expect me to play as some Silver WORM with some mangy, maligned, and-...and most likely diseased landed 'gentry' of verminous kingship?
I mean perhaps that isn't the most polite way to say it, but I'm no dull and desperate bloodline-poisoner! I have standards! And options! I've been mateless by choice!
Tempted to just call in a favor and have the castle burned to the bedrock. That or set a guardian and a strongly-worded sign at each entrance to my territory.
Halp, Wat Do?

>>53419152
F

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Also need to know: How do you severely reprimand a Kitsune of nine tails without getting on their bad side?
Have a friend of such fae nature who can be irritating but remains a valued contact I'd rather not distance myself from. Illusionists of that calibur are frustrating opponents and often lack a sense of reasoned moderation. I'd like to fix that.

>>53417537
Make drakens with it.

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WE
WAZ
KANGS

So honest opinions here, who do you think would win in a battle of wits, a clever Wyvern or a or a dim White (lol, I guess the latter is a bit redundant).

Don't be afraid to voice your real opinion (it's not like either of them can read).

>>53421440

I WUD FREEZZ DEM WIT MUH BREF, AND DEN I WUD BITE DER HEDD OFF AN EAT IT, AN DEN KEEP BITIN OFF DER HEAD AN EATIN IT UNTIL DEY SED DEY WUZ SORY

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>>53421512
Oh Honey, ya'll were MOUNTS. For monkeys to ride atop, pride not thrown away and forgotten but never existant in the first place.
A jewel must wonder how... (And no, Honey; wyvern lives DONT matter. Call it hate-squalling if you will, but it's not like I'm putting my clutch data or lair coordinates here anyway.) ...How you managed to get this far regardless. Have a sheepherder reading this for you? I imagine he'll skip repeating mine lest a dumb beast like you eat the poor whelp.
Oh.
And a White Dragon certainly. They may be slow in wit, yet still they retain some measure of regality which plays in their favor.

>>53421512

A chariot doesn't have any rights so why should you? The only thing you're good for is being mounted by scales apes and it shows.

>>53421626
>And a White Dragon certainly. They may be slow in wit, yet still they retain some measure of regality which plays in their favor.

They stick frozen carcasses in their treasure piles. I mean conveniently placed snacks are no crime (I got half a dwarf-lord by my elbow right now), but they actually consider meat legitimate pieces of their hoard. Seriously, Whites somehow equate mere meat as actual treasure.

>>53421750

I don't know, if you think about it a certain way a frozen mortal is just another kind of statue. Should I go ahead and get rid of the golden statues of males and females I have in my horde?

>>53421626
>MOUNTS. For monkeys to ride atop
Says the half-dragon.

>>53421440
Depends on what they did that you want to reprimand them for.
They probably don't think they've done anything wrong at all - they are strict adherents to their moral and ethical codes. They just happen to have fae moral and ethical codes.
Depending on what it is, you may not BE able to do anything without getting on their bad side. You might be able to have their attention pointed elsewhere, perhaps, but just 'you want to reprimand them' doesn't give enough information.

>>53421767
We aren't talking some shiny knight-sicle, we're talking like...Yak haunches and polar-bear butts.

...You seem to be making an awful lot of excuses for them. You aren't one of them "ivory-lovers", are you?

>horde

It's spelled hoard in this case. Seems you're not much smarter than the alabaster-disasters yourself.

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>>53421815
The poor deluded beast doesn't even have the mind for magick~! Can you not learn of or even recognize polymorph~?
It's adorable.
This is just another thing that seperates pitiable worms from real Dragons. We have a history of mystic arts and the genetic memory to casually put it to use. What other is as naturally civilized as we?

>>53421886

Mating with ivorys for the purpose of pleasure does not detract from the idea of art and the beauty of it being something unique to the eye of the individual.

>>53421916

Ha! I knew you were a frost-fucker! Filthy degenerate!

How do I deal with all of my shitty offspring coming to me for handouts/favors/help?

I've sired at least two dozen children in this kingdom and they all keep managing to find me and my lair. I wouldn't normally mind but the shitty knight order is taking notice and starting to follow them. Should I just leave for the next kingdom over? I kinda like it here, and the other kingdom has a dickhead black dragon who I hear likes to piss off his neighbors.

>>53421962

Better than trying to fuck your kobold servents like everyone else.
>>53421983

How about you stop acting like a wyvern and be a fucking dragon for once. Tell them to fuck off and get their own things and leave them to it and eat them if they persist.

Has anyone here ever crafted things for the hoard or commissioned anyone to do so? Hoarding just precious materials and literature isn't doing it for me anymore. The little ones can make such finery; why shouldn't we?

>>53421983
I would leave or find a way for those insolent brats to get distracted somehow. Does the knight order want to kill them as well as you?

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>>53421983
Build a wall.
You can fly over it. They cannot. Simple and elegant solution.
From there you may proceed to ignore them so long as you've built far enough back from the lair entrance that their shouting doesn't reach you. As a bonus, heavily-laden knights will not be able to move their lances and horses over the barricade, making any who manages a climb underprepared unless they've brought seige equipment. Easiest method is to cause a rockslide and nudge it to pile wherever you want it. Not the prettiest, but it works if you want results with no more than five minutes of effort.
Oh, and I like the redirection idea for my Kitsune problem. Maybe I can send her to play some 'games' with the royalty in the kingdom giving me trouble?

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>>53421983
Just sire even more children when the knights come knocking

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>>53421983
Can they prove that they are your children? Honestly, with so many...you should probably force them into a battle of supremacy, so that only the strong among them survive.

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>>53410289
And this is why I leave actual dungeon defense to myself and a dozen or so golems I've made with some magical artifacts I've gotten.

I use kobolds to build traps.

>>53421983
Drake, just fucking tell them 'no'.

My parents never gave me a fucking copper piece and before I was even big enough to eat a single human whole, I was thrown out of the nest.

Or maybe I just got caught in the crossfire of my parents splitting up. Either way, I was out on my own and had to build my own horde.

>>53421374
Just get the guardian and the strongly worded warning. Or be prepared to move your lair.

>Book Collection

Ah, a fellow bibliophile dragon. A pleasure, I actually bonded with my current mate over a fondness of books. I'm a bit more a objective historical narrative though and she likes reading old adventurer journals or bard's tales.

>>53421440
Erect illusion dispellment wards around your lair.

Or put up your own illusions and fuck with her head. That may lead to an escalating prank war though.

>>53421983
You...didn't chase them out of the lair properly, did you? You're supposed to ATTACK them when they come of age, so they flee the nest in TERROR. And when they come back unannounced, you're supposed to attack WITH INTENT TO KILL.

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>>53422048
I frequently commission the Dwarves in the neighboring mountain to smelt statues out of most of my smaller trinkets when my hoard's size gets too large - it saves on space, makes it easier to keep track of things, and has the added benefit of making it more difficult for potential thieves to make off with anything. In exchange, I've promised not to collapse the entire mountain on their heads. It's a beautiful and mutually beneficial friendship.

>>53421440
I once upset a Kitsune about 100 - 150ish years ago. I proposed that we discuss the issue over dinner and a few casks of Cabernet that I had taken from a passing merchant prior. She was receptive to the idea, and the whole issue was resolved that night. Incidentally, it turns out Kitsune taste very good when paired with a good Cabernet...
It's probably not the answer you were looking for, but it IS an option....

>>53421983
Single out the least useful of your brood and devour him. Then declare to the rest that they will follow suit if they do not learn to become self-sufficient. That was how my father raised us, and we all went on to become rather independently successful because of it. I swear, parents these days just aren't strict enough with their broods.

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>>53410289
what does /dtg/ think of dragonborns?

are we qt? can we be friends?

>>53421983
Eat one or two of the most obnoxious wyrmlings, that should shut them up pretty well. It also provides a eugenic effect for your bloodline. Can't have any retards propagating in your name.

>>53422309
I think you lot keep dying before I get to know you well enough to get attached. You have lifespans somewhere between a Kobold's and a Human's. Fix that, then we can chat.

>>53422309
Disgusting abominations. Worse than wyverns, imo. At least the riding beasts were never anything more than what they are, dragonborn are the deliberate corruption of pure dragon blood and need to be rounded up and exterminated.

>>53422309
You're smaller than me, and remind me of Kobolds and Humans - two of my favorite comfort foods. That should be enough for you to figure out where your kind stands in terms of 'friendship' with me.

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>>53422309
Just as ugly as dragons, and just as weak as humans. You're not even a qt3.14 like half-dragons are. You're a complete failure.

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>>53422342
>>53422354
>>53422384
>>53422407
You guys are assholes.

I just wanted to be friends. We kind of looked up to you.

Can't wait to slay some "pure"-blooded dragon scum in my next campaign.

>>53422408
Aww, no hard feelings. In fact, why don't I make it up to you over dinner? I just recently acquired a few casks of Cabernet that I'm simply DYING to try out....

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>>53422408
>Pathetic bastard spawn
>Able to so much as inconvenience a pureblood

Prepare to get eaten once I stop laughing.

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>>53422426
>be dragon
>live for hundreds if not thousands of years
>make a "DYING" pun in the same sentence as thinly veiled dinner threats
I would roll for initiative but your challenge rating has got to be a 1/4th at this point.

>>53422449
>all full-blooded dragoncucks can think about is their belly
Is there any other creature more degenerate and carnal than a true dragon?

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>>53422463
>He doesn't realize true greatness requires lots of calories

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>>53422463
Anon, this pic (>>53422449) is a motherfucking dragon. An ancient and powerful force that is gigantic and immortal compared to us humans. And this pic (>>53422407) is a waifu. A being of unstoppable temptation and cuteness that can't be resisted.

You are neither. You look like the creation of a furry. No one likes you. Go away.

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>>53410330

>>53422463
>Unworthy dragon-bastard comes to beg for the friendship of his betters
>Rightfully cast out as the inferior mixed blood it is
>Gets butthurt and whines

We got ourselves a genuine faggot here, /dragon/. Better just roast this one, we don't know what kind of diseases it may be carrying.

>>53422463
I just figured I'd keep it simple - as I said, your kind reminds me of Kobolds, and they're not the brightest lot out there. Still, pat yourself on the back - you've proven yourself to be at least more clever than a Kobold. Not by much, but that's something, right?

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>>53422484
>eats lots of calories
>lazes around in his dusky and murky dragonlair all day until something interesting happens
Oh, yes, pureblood. Tell me about how WONDERFUL your adventures sitting on your cavern floor like the curled-up-pussy you are can be. I'm sure you do great things after feasting on a meal of minion kobolds. Meanwhile me and my party of Dragonborn adventurers has just saved a princess, acquired a luxury castle, earned the respect of the province, and have slain yet another lazy dragon that's all bark and no bite.

>>53422500
>>53422525
Evolution works forward, my obsolete friends. You're last year's model. We are the future.

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>>53422529
For all your talk of kobolds you sure do come at me in the numbers of them.

I stand alone armed only with the Word of Truth while you old-guard dragons laze around and flop belly-up by the droves.

Utterly pathetic. Be grateful that I've taken your blood. Through my kind will your failing race be redeemed.

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>>53422533
>Saved the town bicycle from a wyvern
>Acquired a leaky run-down hovel
>One-copper bards sing your praises

You disgrace our blood more and more every time you open your mouth. Go shuck and jive for your human massas until one of us can take the time from our busy schedules to deal with you.

Meanwhile I:

>Burned the castle of an annoying lord to the ground
>Devoured the flocks of merchants who displeased me
>Received the humble tribute of ten thousand terrified subjects
>Ordered a gigantic statue to my glory constructed in the heart of my city
>Still had time for an 18-hour nap that day

THAT is the power of a true dragon, whelp.

>>53422549
>He subscribes to the morality of lesser races
>He doesn't realize draconic supremacy is the only true law

This is why you'll always be an objectively worthless cuck.

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>>53422549
I take it back. I'll not waste my fine wines on devouring you. Your flesh is better suited for the troughs of swine. If you think dragons merely laze about all day, defenseless, fat, and weak, you're in for a nasty surprise - there's a reason we live for thousands of years. We are natural hunters - predators to be feared, not prodded in the name of glory. We destroy entire ARMIES for laughs. However, your kind are stupid and naive. You're not the first to make that mistake, and you'll not be the last. At least your armor would make a nice trophy.

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>>53422309
honestly? I'm trying to work out where you guys fit in between kobolds, lizardmen, and half-dragons.

That said, I regard your kind on a case by case basis. I actually have a dragonborn merc on payroll who investigates some leads for me.

>>53422408
>>53422463
>>53422533
>>53422549
I will say your inability to exercise patience and humility, and sense of entitlement for your position makes me not think terribly highly of you.

Yes, I also am painfully aware there is an irony in a red dragon saying that.

Though if we're going to be brutally honest, I am a runt myself as a red dragon and have to rely on my greater intellect and willingness to fight dirty than pure brawn.

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Pff, the idea of eating humanoids makes my stomach curl. I'll happily tear them to shreds in my jaws if the need arises, but I have no desire to swallow sapient flesh unless it's to illustrate a point.
The idea of being threatened by a being who can hardly stand their own existence after a couple of decades is rather hilarious though. Do you not think countless better have tried over the centuries to slay their betters? When a true Dragon falls while fully of age, it is almost always entirely their own fault. Or when it's not, there is a powerful artifact of specific epic natures involved...or the mortals have nothing to do with it in the first place and instead relates to beings like the greater infernals or abyssal lords.
A childish hominid with a sharp length of smelted ore is less than a gnat with a sting.
Harsh, but let's be realistic here.
Oh.
I'm also seeking new servants and am considering the efforts of taming a tribe of hill giants. Does anyone have any experience handling the larger breeds of humanoids like those? Any major issues arise?

>>53422702
Giants require a lot of feeding and are often too stupid to remember which food is supposed to be their's. If you're not careful you'll wake up to find they've eaten your dinner and/or some of your smaller minions. Outside of their raw physical power, which you should have plenty of yourself, they aren't really that useful. What are you thinking of doing with them?

>>53422702
I've had bad experiences with them, but it wasn't their fault, at least not really. A group of 'adventurers' with hammers of giant slaying killed all of them, and had their evil cleric raise them all as zombies to ruin the rest of my lair. I disposed of them easily enough, but the adventurers left before I could deal with them. :/

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>>53422702
Hill giants aren't terrible, but you'll probably want a couple fire giants or storm giants leading them, otherwise who knows what stupid shenanigans they'll get into.

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>>53422533

Regardless, the fact you have our blood puts you leagues beyond the humans and thus your soul is that of a dragon.

It is our duty to claim all souls for dragons so that we may rule the heavens in their entirety.

>>53422728
I was mainly planning to use them as imposing guards for every door, greeting and thus putting off any petitioners. Put them in plated armor as a symbol of wealth and power. Also have them go collect taxes for me, since weaker humanoids tend to be treated with more contempt and other living assets are too valuable to spend on such mundane chores. Sure a slain goblinoid can be easily replaced, but it's the image that counts when ruling a territory y'know?
>>53422738
That's actually very sad. Groups of vagabond warriors like that always seem to murder people and pester without justifiable cause. If they had a problem, they could've at least had the decency to petition and be paid off or 'relocated' rather than turn happy dimwits into the shambling dead. Absolutely nothing 'heroic' about THAT!
>>53422748
Solid advice. Maybe that could put them to complex tasks like construction...that I 'could' but would rather not do myself, being properly guided by better chiefs?
There is a moderately large settlement in the near mountains and the neighboring kingdom wanted to mobilize their armies to drive them further out to establish a trade route through the region. I do so hate to see perfectly good life wasted like that, so why not put the giants to use myself?
And to any masculine-minded degenerates who are curious to other benefits, you must admit giants nearer to your own size. Why simply burn them? Assuming you aren't scared of course.

>>53422893
Why not just use giant automatons? I purloined a few from an irritating wizard a few years back (very stringy, I don't recommend eating wizards), and they're quite good at following orders, and I don't need to waste time feeding them.

>>53421983
Force your kids into an arena battle and have only one survivor to hear him out.

Or just kill the black dragon and move there.

>>53422893
From experience, they don't make good guards or tax collectors. They aren't that disciplined, or smart, and can be bribed or distracted by tax evaders without too much trouble.

>>53418803

The fact that I know where that picture comes from... eeeh

>>53422702
I wouldn't bellitle the humanoids if i were you.
There are many paths to power and by virtue of their sheer numbers humanoids are very likely to stumble upon them.

A neighbouring black didn't heed my warning when he attacked a monastery.

His bones ended up as ingredients for weaponry.

His blood ended up as ink for their scrolls.

His meat was detoxified and given out to the poor as food.

Don't ever loose your caution and wisdom as an apex predator.

Only retarded whites do that.

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>>53422702
Well, everyone else has given their thoughts on the hill giants, so if I might comment on
>the idea of eating humanoids makes my stomach curl. I'll happily tear them to shreds in my jaws if the need arises, but I have no desire to swallow sapient flesh unless it's to illustrate a point.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. Besides, humanoids tend to be very gamy and taste not too well.

And if a dragon wants to illustrate a point of their power over a sapient humanoid's, my personal favorite execution is 'the slow stomp', once one of them is staggered, I simply place one of my front claws down on them, no slashing or rending, that's too quick. Well, I might do it to ensure they're helpless via limb removal.

But I just keep sloooowly adding more of my weight onto the poor sod, letting them feel their chest cavities slowly collapse. This works well if their friends are watching and are also in a helpless state.

And usually when an whole adventuring team comes for me, I normally leave one alive but crippled to send the message.

>>53422786
Look, just because something has dragon blood doesn't make it closer to us. Being a dragon is a force of will, a state of mind. Cruel as my above methods are, I have indeed tipped my proverbial hat to some particularly daring and relentless humanoids. They showed every trait we value in one another: power, ambition, will, and so on. And such was their will I've seen them press on despite the limits of their bodies.

On the flipside, I've encountered other dragons, who are quite pathetic and do not deserve to be called kin.

>>53422936
To be fair, magical constructs are prone to being fussy and require maintenance. I only get away with it because I have an artifact which lets me replace my iron golem guards with only nominal effort.
>>53422952
also, to be fair, in my experience golems aren't necessarily much brighter. But I'm not sure I'm using them to their full potential either.

>>53422988
Humanoid-fucker spotted.

>>53423019
Just make sure your automatons are self-repairing, draganon.

>>53423074
Yes, because that's such and easy enchantment to slip in on such complex and powerful constructs, which are mostly built his an artifact I have not fully studied and whose origins I am still figuring out.

... Oh, wait, there is a repair function on this thing. Silly me.

>>53423031
Nope, that would be me. He's just giving smart advice.

>be Silver dragon
>have a nice nap after a delicious meal made out of tributes by the homely Human tribes next door
>suddenly the sound of horns and loud laughing
>look outside see giant ships

Oh boy, it's the Frost giant raiding season again. How do you even deal with those annoying rascals? Fighting them means announcing my presence, which they see as a challange and then only more will come...

>>53423209
Defeat them in the most humiliating ways possible so they feel dishonored even of they somehow best you.

Be creative.

My dad used magic to compact, harden, and polish his own shit in to a bludgeon shaped like a dick.

How does a Black Dragon attract the romances of a Light Dragon? They're all good and shit.

>>53423209
Sink their boats.

You can swim right?

>>53423209
Freeze a patch of sea of coast and build a portal to a demiplane.
Then challenge the idiots to come in and fight you.
They'll fall for it for sure.

By Tiamat, I leave this thread for five years and look at what you wyrmlings do with it!

I wonder how many of you have disgracefully exhibited an erection after swallowing something, as it seems to be your primary fetish.

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>>53423273
GoldAnon again. If the Black dragon manages to clean themselves up a bit so they don't smell like fetid swamp and rotten flesh, I don't see why you couldn't attract positive attentions in your prospective mate.
Don't creep as a lowly drake, but stand proud as any Red while you state your intent!
Also don't murder or torture anything for pleasure in their presence while you're wooing them. We tend to frown on those vulgar displays.
Be honest is the biggest thing. Deception to get into one's hoard rather than simply one's nest is bound to get you ravaged most severely and chased out back to your lowlands. Most tricks are teamsparent. And at no offense, you are among the smaller breeds compared to those who are 'good and shit'. You're not going to overpower those like I if called out, and I speak by experience.

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Hmm... I keep seeing infrequent discussion, but never a full talk, so I'll ask: What are your favorite foods, Drag-anons?
Personally I'm a fan of land mammals of all kinds, (I live not far from a farming town you see). Humans, however, can be prepared quite well, especially when seasoned with the brokenness of defeat. (This makes would-be dragonslayers much better than, say, some Random peasant, but fear helps flavor in any case.)

What about you non-Humanoid Bipeda-tarians? What do you prefer to eat instead? (No hate, Just curious).

Precious metals and whales off the coast. Sharks when I can't get them and elk when I want something terrestrial.
Polymorphing to taste the varied spices on human food is always a treat as well. They come up with the strangest flavors.

>>53426273
A good sized properly seasoned and cooked roasted boar, when it's done well the flavor is unmatched. A dire boar would be preferable because of the increased size but you need to cleanse the meat more and you generally get an inferior product.

>>53410289
I think you mean 'meanwhile on 14 year old faggot tries to make a funny post but fails like a faggot /tg/, why am I a faggot that writes like a faggot'
Faggot, saged.

>>53426512
>mingling and carousing with humans
Fuck off bahamut fag

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>>53426634
>Sage posting
>in 1977 + 40
Anon, I...

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>>53426634

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>>53425604
>Tiamat fag is tail-hurt
Oh yes

>>53426273
Elves of royal blood are delicious. True, they are much leaner in flavor than humans or Dwarves, but they have a certain magical "spice" to them. Plus, They have an innate arrogance that just shatters once they're on the way down your throat, and it's always satisfying to put the lesser races in their place, (especially if that place is my stomach).

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>>53422633
>Burnt a ruin
>ate fatasses with no weapons
>got bribed so no one has to see your autism
>kobolds made statue out of dirt and stone
>still managed to be a lazy ass
Makes you think, you geko-fucker

>>53425604
>Being Clearly Superior Apex Predator
>Not Enjoying lording your power over the lesser races
>Not enjoying Making them the only thing they deserve to be: a food source.
By Tiamat I'm surprised you lasted your first century, let alone millennium.

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>>53426273
Why even eat? Just be like me and abandon the needs of flesh

>>53426922
On look at mr. Lich dragon.
You call them "needs," But there's somethig simply divine about being able to Smell the rain outside my cave, to Taste the savory flavor of each meal, and, of course, to feel every second when mating for pleasure.

>>53426949
No needs to be rude. When you get as old as I am you too will abandon the needs of flesh. Sure eating and mating are nice but eventually it gets old. And eternal existence and unlimited necrotic power is pretty sweet. Besides being a skeleton means I can stay out of color fights

>>53427070
My apologies.
I can see your point of view, and while I tastefully disagree and prefer to keep my organics, I can respect your choice. Different tales for different scales, after all.

>>53427102
To be perfectly honest I deleted the process as long as I could but us dragons live not eternally even if it feels like it. I had reached a point where each passing day saw me weaker and decrepit not stronger. I enjoy existence far to much to fade away. So I took the option available to me. In life I was inclined to enjoy boar

>Be me
>Guarding my hoard, same old shit.
>Hear that there's a group of adventurers invading
>Ohshit.tapestry
>Use my scrying orb to see what's happening
>Kobolds are nowhere to be seen, adventurers just walking around stealing my ore
>Suddenly, they enter a hallway
>Doors close
>Those insane bastards have dug tunnels above the ceiling almost too small for them
>They also dug small holes in the ceiling like murder holes
>They start pouring tar down on the adventurers while they try to pry the doors open, then they drop a candle
>Room explodes into a fireball
>Horrible screaming
>One kobold was still pouring tar, and the fire ran up the stream
>Ceiling explodes and caves the roof in, turns out there was a huge ammount of tar stored up there
>Adventurers dead, a bit of kobolds dead
>Kobolds round up the bodies and clean up the room like nothing ever happened

Kobolds are crazier than fucking beholders.

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>>53426273
Honestly? Kobolds make a great snack. Sure they're servants, but I accidentally ate one while he was organizing my hoard once, and man, had I been missing out.
They've got that earthen texture with just the right pinch of flair from all their scavenging. Plus, you can LITERALLY order some of the dimmer kobolds to just walk straight into your mouth. It's the best, and, unlike stubborn humans, they don't put up a fight, allowing for a full, yet still comfortably settled belly, without all the Pitiful punches and kicks.

>>53426273
I have developed a particular pallet while dwelling near a halfling shire for the first few centuries of my life. cakes and pastries

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Hey guys, I was just hanging with some hydras, and ya know, they seem like really cool dudes!

We should invite some of them here to join us.

>>53427528
Hydras can never seem to make their mind up about anything because they have too many of them.
>>53427425
Wasting loyal servants is so crass. This is why you don't own your own kingdom yet.
>>53427167
Understandable, though something I hope to avoid. Perhaps life extension through magicks to make the body more youthful, reversing the age? Not enough to shrink in size of course, but for a great Elder Wyrm to not degenerate at all?

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What's the most lunatic thing you've ever seen adventurers do?

Inb4 "entered my lair"

I remember one time when I deceided to inspect my lair, almost half of my kobolds were dead, and there was a beholder screaming while disentigrating huge swaths of the mines and tunnels. I took care of it, but the damage was done.

What had happened was that a small group of adventurers walked into my lair, threw a portable hole down, dragged a dead beholder out of it, resurrected it, then just teleported away. They never came back.

Mfw

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>>53426273
I'm partial to bovine feasts myself.

Plenty of meat, plenty of ways to prepare it, you just can't go wrong.

As far as humanoids go, I've only eaten a few and it was not really a 'fine dining' experience. It was more 'done spur of the moment to scare the fuck out of adventurers thinking a young dragon made an easy target.

>>53426512
I've never tried whales. How are they? Do they cook better from all the fat?

>>53426791
Hm, I don't get many elves in my neck of the mountains either, now that you bring that up.

You know, I might just try humanoids again. Actual dining experience this time and not just 'pull them in half as an intimidation tactic'.

>>53427406
That's why I entrust kobolds as the trap-masters of my lair.

Though none of mine have done anything nearly so impressive.

They did do a rather clever one that just stopped an adventuring party dead in their tracks for hours.

>>53427528
>>53427740
And take it from a red dragon, hydra are so beliigerent all the time. I mrean they're practically beside themselves!

>>53426791
If you like the magical "spice" of elves, (which while I personally don't like) but wan a fattier meat try owlbear, it has a similar "spice".
>>53427406
This is why I still have Kobolds in my lair, those little buggers make the best traps and maintain themselves with no effort on my part and without any issues.
>>53427528
No, we tried that once it was a nightmare.

Green dragon here. Just got kicked out of the lair a year or so ago by the folks. Holed up in the remains of a firbolg camp I took down. Its alright for now anyways. Went flying around and saw a small ass farming village. No money so I took their food and a maiden instead. I uh... Ended up fucking her and now there's a baby half dragon crawling around. One that killed her mother by throwing up on her. I don't know how to raise humanoids, what do?

>>53428796
Well, lemme tell you from personal experience: find another humanoid mother. Or at least a someone who understands raising kids to explain this shit to you. If you want to keep the kid that is.

I mean, I did because mine's important to my plan of taking over a kingdom via my abomidable spawn

>>53428957
Oh, also to add to this: if you have any magical artifacts that offer protection against your breath season's element and general damage give it to the caretaker.

That's a few thousand worth of hold not in your pocket but it saves you a massive headache.

>>53428957
Food stash was getting low anyways, so yeah, I'll grab somebody new next time I nab some tribute then. thanks Draganon.
>>53429012
See, if there was anywhere to even get gold around here I'd follow up on that, but I'll keep it in mind for later. thanks.

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Hello fellow dragons, I am one of you.

>>53429206
Wings or gtfo dino scum.

>>53429288
Half of you can't even fly anyway, fucking birdniggers

>>53429313
I have many problems, including having kids I don't know how to raise, but flight is not one of them.

>>53429456
Protip: If you have to care for them after hatching, you've already failed.

>>53429206
Great great grandpa?! I thought you died when the meteor struck!

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>>53429456
If they didn't come out of their shells ready to fly and went on to murder human farm animals, then you probably fucked a mammal. Bathe them in fire and if they don't make it, it's better that way.

And I'm not trying to be a dick or anything, my kid over here is blind and constantly sick. As funny an entire ecosystem driven into murderous rage is in the beginning, when you need to spend decades getting the forest running again you'll wish you had some servants still alive.

My kid turned out allright in the end, but I wouldn't risk that again.

>>53421750
>>53421886

I've talked to a few Whites. Basically, you're seeing raw meat all over the place partly because they've skinned the carcasses--arctic beasts have the most valuable furs of all, and those are kept as treasure.

Notice I said 'partly'. Keeping the meat around as treasure, that part is indeed White Dragon Logic.

Anyone else hate it when someone takes a single gold coin from your hoard and thinks you wouldn't notice, but forget you're a red dragon?

I KNOW YOU'RE IN HERE STEVEN DON'T THINK I'M FUCKING STUPID

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Let's face it, all scale colours all the same in the end, we just look different. Honestly, it'd be nice if we just stopped doing the whole problematic categorizing thing. Literally the only reason we act different is because the Elder Wyrm establishment has forced us into these roles, and you all feel that you need to live up to this concept of toxic Dragoninity.

>>53432169
>all scale colors are the same
AH HA HA HA HA HA
you've never met a white dragon have you? the only one I've ever seen bright enough to chat with was so old he kept forgetting what we were talking about.

>>53432397
Well I mean that's obviously due to this reinforcement, the way you're talking about it and the way they grow up being treated like, no wonder. It's an education thing, mixed with the culture of us other dragons. They obviously only conform to the negative stereotypes.

>>53428172
Oh, absolutely! Besides just the sheer quantity of meat, when roasted under your breath you get a fine sizzle and glorious smell. It is as if somewhere between seafood and a cow, while they continue their migration patterns the same way year after year no matter how many you take! Just leave the calves so they can grow in the following years.
Their fat makes the meat melt in your mouth and infuses the entire blue whale with a certain flavor that's to die for. I would highly recommend it.
The only true difficulty is if still smaller in size rather than of ancient stature, you must rely on more indirect methods than simply diving down upon the beast and dragging it to shore. Making the swim is a fine exercise though.

You can also have your servants package any excess for later dining or trade. My little meal excursions have made me the primary (eventually the exclusive) provider of lamp-oil for the entire region I reside in. Having mortals rely on you for their urban-lighting needs is a very nice check against plotting and a stake in the economics...which gives excess coin for games of sponsorship.
And books.

>>53431633
Are they smart enough to use their leftovers to barter with fur traders, or do they simply nest over it? I have avoided the frozen climates by choice so insight legitimately has me curious.

>>53432596
>>53428172
Trust me, do NOT fucking fight the square whale ones!! As a wyrmling, the only dragon nearby, who I later found out was my mother, liked hunting sperm whales. So I obviously tried to do it to impress her, but those fucks. They're impossible to find, I was circling for a day. An entire day. And then, I saw one, so I dove towards it, and bit it, and lifted it, but it was so heavy I had to drop it. Next thing I know, this fucking creature jumps up out of the water and the fucking thing bit me. It bit me! It hurts to say it, but the fucking sperm whale cunt bit me straight over the left wing, tearing it to shit and back. I couldn't fly for decades, and even today, I can't glide through the skies. It fucking kills me inside to know that I'll never be able to hunt for sperm whales, because as a kid one of those fucking whaleniggers mutilated me.

I'd fly south, but there's an ocean, and I can't fly for much more than a few days at a time before I get tired of flapping my wings enough to keep altitude. I just have to stay here and eat polar bears and humans. Good thing there's an active volcano here. Humans are never going to try to get down to my lair.


t. Hoardless cripple left here after matriarch flew south and never returned.

>>53432571
Get out you obviously don't know how dragons are raised or have any idea of what you're talking about.

>>53431812
Yes.

But you know what's more of a heartstopper? When your mate fucking tries to organize your shit BEFORE asking you.

Okay, yes, I appreciate all my gold coins being their own pile and not crushing my random artifacts, but for fuck's say woman, ask before touching a man's stuff!

>>53432169
Maybe there are outliers, as mentioned, I'm considered very calm and rational for a red dragon, but stereotypes and generalizations exist for a reason.

>>53432596
>>53433020
Duely noted, and definitely something to try.

I'll remember to bring some of my kobolds along.

See, a lovely thing I acquired a bit back were... Cannons. These big hollow tubes humans fill with an explosive powder and use to launch balls of iron with great force and distance.

I stole several because, well, they're cool, and my kobolds love them and have been experimenting on different things we can load into them.

So next project: a giant spear.

A explosive ballistae!

>>53416305
(((Silvers)))

ow, Ow, OWWW.

So I just killed a trio of knights trespassing in my lair, but one of them managed to flank me before I managed to roast him. So now I got an entire lance buried in the side of my left leg, and I mean buried DEEP. Pretty much only the handle is sticking out.

My question is am I supposed to pull it out, or leave it in? It huts like hell (fair chance it was enchanted?), and I'm starting to get dizzy...

...that's just blood loss, right? I mean, they were all shiny-armor types and I heard you only have to worry about poison from the leather-wearing types, right?

So yeah, pull it out, or leave it in?

>adventurer comes to your lair and tries to lay you
what do?

>>53433512
Lay them on the floor. With a tail slam right to the face. And once you've laid them hard enough that the only thing left is a vague humanoid shaped puddle on the rocky floor of your lair, you can be sure that no other knight or bard will ever think again of taking that S away from their quest.

>>53433505
Have the kobolds pull it out while a kobold shaman heals the wound.
You DO have kobold shamans right?

>>53433505
>dragon gets stabbed by a BIG HUMAN LANCE
>considers just leaving it inside him

One cannot fabricate these runes

>>53433576
I *had* a kobold shaman. Like I said, trespassing knights. I'd do a walk-around of my lair and take a tally of what's left of my minion's population, but OH WAIT I STILL HAVE A FUCKING LANCE JAMMED ALL THE WAY INTO MY LEG.

pull it out, cauterize the wound. if you can't do that, try and get in bandaged. leaving it in is always worse.

>>53433704
That's all on you then, you short-sighted idiot. Pro tip, next time, IF you get to see a next time, bring more than one shaman and don't have all of them fight...

>>53433727

>cauterize the wound.

I'm a fucking RED. Fire doesn't work that way for us.

...But you probably knew that, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?! YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME TO BLEED OUT SO YOU CAN STEAL MY TREASURE AND whoadizzy...

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>>53433788
Reds in charge of being retarded as always.

When will they learn?

>>53433788
Oh, so just because I'm a green dragon I'm always trying to screw everyone over. see you're one of the lucky fucks out there. every goddamn adventurer around here has freaking poison resistance. I'd say get some bandages then pussy but I don't expect you to have anything that's not on fire now. don't talk to me or my bastard spawn again.

>>53433788
>>53433884
>>53433874
Well then...
Finders keepers?

>>53433512
Make them your minion by declaring they must complete a 'quest' to be worthy of your attentions.
Proceed to send them on a suicide mission that would actually be valuable. If they by magical chance survive, you have the option to either string them along or 'reward' them as some Silver if they're worthwhile or simply smear them into the bedrock as others have suggested.
>>53433704
Do you have any magical talents of your own that might be helpful? Even if only a polymorph, you could use that to make better use of any bandages or healing resources you have. Perhaps trick some healer into assistance with a bribe while morphed?
If it's just your leg, you may have to splint it. Get some vines and heavy driftwood or broken trunks to help keep it steady. Remove the spear and use your wing to apply pressure until you have the bleeding under control if nothing else.
Don't be such a hatchling.

>>53433788
Heal yourself if you can like >>53433965
said. If it's deep as you say it is taking it off is a bad idea as it will open the wound and probably kill you. Make sure to Break the end off of it though you don't want it being moved around in your leg.

>>53411582
>Having a lisp
Get with the times, gramps.

>>53428796
>>53429045
this draganon again. Took another handmaiden as tribute, dumped the kid on her. she's doing some thing where she covers her face then revealing it in front of the baby. is, is this something humans do naturally or is this one defective?

>>53434229
Babies are easily amused by stupid and simple games. Much like a kobald. Best to ignore it.

So any other Reds here besides me think that this fucking pact with the Githyanki is some Grade-A-Bullshit? Seriously, what were our ancestors thinking?

>>53434422
no a red but the answer is that taimiat is a selfish flighty slut whore who sold you downriver in exchange fofor some boy toy that caught her eye and she kept for all of 5 seconds

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>>53434422
You know, the pact is kind of a case by case basis, right?

I mean I was approached by some Githyanki about two months ago and they told me my maternal Grandmother was part of the pact and wanted me to fulfill it.

I said 'fuck off, nothing here was given to me by any of you' and they actually accepted this and left me alone.

>>53434229
>>53434356
"Peekaboo". It might be hard for a lot of us to remember, but infants don't have a sense of permanence. Remember how badly we used to freak out about whatever treasures we had not being immediately in front of our face because we thought it might as well have disappeared?

Yeah, it's kind of like that, except infants sometimes enjoy surprises.

My little girl seems to think it's a good chance to try to swipe something shiny since 'mom and dad aren't here'. She's gotten very quick at grabbing things before we drop the veil.

Also, did you remember to give the handmaiden protective gear?

>>53434599
>talking shit about Tiamat (and not even bothering to spell her name right)

Oh gee, I wonder what that (((metallic))) stench is?

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>>53434681
found something in what used to be the firbolg's shaman hut. used some wildlife to test it, works well enough. some kind of magic necklace. guess they used it to safely test potions they brewed up or something. guess now I just wait until the kid matures. for creatures that have such short lifespans you'd think the humanoids would mature faster.

>>53434694
Do you have any idea how hard it is to scrawl runes properly without muscles? Don't much care for a certain platinum fellow either but a leasts he tells you up front when he plans to fuck your life up

>>53434694
Everyone knows Tiamat is a total bitch, she's a greedy selfish slut who's needlessly cruel.

>>53434820
good. Because, seriously, if you plan to lord over even a smattering of lesser races, you want to ease up on the death toll. You can go through them surprisingly quickly.

>>53435783
Indeed, a true dragon is their own god or goddess.

Not that I don't believe in cosmic forces, but a dragon is a force unto themselves and we cannot let ourselves be brought to bow head just because something ooga booga's loudly at us.

>>53436277
> You can go through them surprisingly quickly.
That's okay because you can always make more of them.

I am now friends with a party of adventurers, and no, I am not a fucking silver.

They swung by my lair the other day. These fuckers don't kill a single one of my kobolds, rather they convince them to go out and try becoming merchants. What the hell? Kobolds may not be all that bright, but become merchants? The kobolds just stop what they are doing, discuss economic principal with the adventurers, and leave.

The party plowed through everything I had set up because one of those Kobold assholes sold them a diagram of the trap placement in my lair before he left. By the way, if there is a /d/ragon who happens upon these Kobold merchants, please do fetish them to death/extreme discomfort.

The adventurers confronted me by my hoard. They didn't try to kill me; I wish they had. They start giving me corny compliments on my scales, telling me how big my hoard was, etc... Then one wearing leather got all creepy and asked if he could lick my horns. I was so creeped out that I didn't know what to do at that moment. I told them I would give them some knight faggot's armor if they left. They did for some reason.

They are interesting for mortals, and after a few more weird encounters, we talked. Now, they are my best servants, being able to get anything I need done through sheer force of charisma and lack thereof.

Also the wizard they have is actually pretty fun to talk with.

>>53437434
But that's just replacement. You want MORE servants to be even more comfortable. That's why you let them multiply exponentially so a loss here or there (to yourself or accidents) won't weaken the whole pool of genetic stock.

>>53437520
> I am not a fucking silver.
> I just have this massive fixation with mortals
Not fooling anyone there.

>>53410289
Sounds like your kobolds lack the necessary DB (dragons blood) Dnon.
How do get High DB kobolds? Sprinkle in a little of your own DB of course!
You see, you need to make better kobolds. So you go into the warren. Breed EVERY female in the tribe, really cuck the shit out of em.
and then over time, that generation will mix with the rest of the tribe so they don't all end up related to each other, and in two generations you got a nice, stable, High DB tribe of kobolds ready to kick ass take names and Liiiiift!!... Might have to do this every few generations though... don't want that high quality BD diluting!

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>>53437520
Dude, set up some anti-magic wards, I think you're being enthralled.

You want to know what's genuine relationship with a mortal? Spending the first month and a half constantly fighting with them and resisting the urge to just kill them and then constantly trying to stop them from killing themselves just to spite you.

A genuine relationship with a mortal is watching them hit rock bottom when they realize everyone who has come to rescue them came to kill the dragon and sack his shit, not her, and her father basically has abandoned her because he refuses to spare five thousand gold.

A genuine relationship is when the two of you start to find actual common ground that isn't just wildly sucking your dragon dick. When they appreciate your horde for more than the monetary value and superficial beauty but the historical relevance and how your collection all comes together.

A genuine relationship with a mortal is when you they stop making efforts to impress and just impress you by being themselves: a bookish dork who shares the same fondness for old heroic ballads you do.

A genuine relationship with a mortal is when you corrupt their heart and soul and convince them to murder their own father to take over his kingdom in a dark conspiracy which will span millennia.

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h-hey guys whatcha talkin about? mind if I join in?

>>53421440
>reprimand a Kitsune of nine tails without getting on their bad side?

Good luck. You could steal the cooking staff of a nearby kingdom, tell them to make a feast of Fried Tofu and sushi, then burn it all in an offering to Uke-mochi. She'd probably distract the Kitsune for you.

>>53421983
>I've sired at least two dozen children in this kingdom and they all keep managing to find me and my lair.
>I wouldn't normally mind but the shitty knight order is taking notice and starting to follow them.

Give your kids favors on the condition that they get rid of the knight's order somehow. Either by convincing them you're not a problem or killing the ones who talk badly about you.

Or plan to be fucking another dragon when they show up. That'll scare them off.

>>53438041
Hey, anyone think Altariazawa looks a little... Off?

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Hey, uh, I think I'm a little lost. I was heading for... Well, Not far from /co/, but I Took a right at /fit/ and next thing I know I'm in middle-of-nowhere/wsg/. Saw a bunch of Dragons here and I Um... thought you might help me get back on track?

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Hi, skinks. Bit of a warning - if you're near the coast in the Northern Wilds somewhere in the next week or so, you may get some seismic activity. I haven't moved for about a century, and I think there might be a few islands down by my tail now due to volcanic activity (well, they're scabs, technically...), so when I move over to the far continent I might stir up the ocean a bit.

Also, I don't get what all this fuss is about mortals. They've been pretty good conversation partners, when I choose to reach out, y'know? And hell, if you mistreat your kobolds, you're just asking to be abandoned. Maybe you ought to chill out a little? You don't have to all be angry reds all the time.

>>53439052
You must be over 1800 to scrawl runes on this site

>>53411582
Underrated post, unfortunately commented on by ill-educated youths.

Do they teach anything these days?

>>53419825
Longs are true dragons as well.
We in the west only grew wings later on as an adaptation to make fighting against cults of dragonslayers easier.

The curse makes you unable to complete your shitpost as it seems.

>>53421374
Steel dragon here.
I get what you mean.
Some local Duke took his men to break into my mansion after one of my servants leaked the info that i'm a dragon.
His dissapointed face when he found nothing but books in my collection was delicious.

Anyway try to make some automatons that have enough vocabulary to warn intruders.
Set up a labyrinth full of traps between your quarters and the entrance.
Most importantly only keep low profile human or elven retainers in the surroundings so you don't get involved into politics.

I've made a deal with a Martial Arts monastery and have them serve as my guards in exchange to having acess to my outer library.

>>53437824
Preach it, my relative of Black-pigmented scales.

>>53429206
Clever girl.

How did you hide your wings?

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>>53439052
Underaged, please take this to Eggit.

>>53434599
Oh really?

>>53435783
Nice try brother, I'll steal one of your concubines tonight, unless of course, you service me first.

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>>53441492
Feck off, not even your children like you and your too busy lusting after underage humanoids to be intimidating. Even your useless brother is better than you.

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>>53441607
There is a severe lack of your tongue grazing my mating cavity.
Please, cease thy pitiful typing and get over here, before I drag your platinum ass myself.

>>53437824
That seems unnecessarily dickish. Personally, I prefer to build up a relationship without the mortal knowing I'm a dragon. Well, until the first baby comes out with scales, claws, wings, and a tail. After that it's kind of hard to hide it.

>>53421910
>Thinks transforming into a monkey form is less bad than being a real dragon's bastard.
>Openly admits to polymorphing into monkey form on a blue board
>Tries to play it off like it isn't about sex.

>>53442269
SILVERS GET OUT

>>53441690
FECK OFF. Dont have a tongue anymore not a platinum I don't worship you go back to mating with your underage sons

>>53441335
I'm actually Reddragon anon. I don't always use tapestries related to my personage.
Seriously, why does everyone do that?

>>53441315
How big is your library? I mean it sounds pretty considerable and mine is only so large (Last count I have 536 books, give or take a dozen) and I'd love to expand.

I don't suppose you'd be interested in a trade of copies, assuming I have something to catch your interest.

My own prized pieces include:
>Chronicles of Hrothgard Axesinger
>Mallus Mundi
>Ji'tan Rhizzhan
>The Hyperborea Journals
>The Testament of Carmanagos
>Cthäat Aquadingen
>Dai Lan's Scripture of Lost Techniques(your monks might enjoy it)
>The Mechanomicon (this has helped me a hell of a lot)
>Summoning Your Spiritual Power and Making a Stand

>>53441492
>>53441690
You're not relevant to our culture anymore, bitch!

No gods or kings! Only Dragons!

>>53427528
Hydra aren't the best conversationalists but they are excellent fucks. I got three of those fine multiheaded ladies and bred me up a small host of twelve headed acidthrowers.
>>53432169
Okay so based on your picture I'm going to assume you're a fellow black dragon. Yeah I get it the only guys you've ever shared a swamp with are greens, bronzes, and other blacks. We're all reasonably intelligent breeds who just have slightly different breath weapons and spells. Really and honestly though outside of our homelands dragons get either really retarded or really bossy. The Lungs have a fucking caste system and taxes. How could you claim that they're the same as us.

>>53442303
Obviously you must be a wyvern or something because any dragon can assume a humanoid form and they're still obviously a dragon. There are definitely advantages to a humaniod form, greater ease in manipulating objects, particularly fine objects, without breaking them, you don't want to break your treasures while admiring them do you?
>>53442415
Preach it brother.

COPPERS AND THEIR FUCKING PRANKS. I returned to my hoard yesterday to find that one of my piles of coins was slightly out of place. Quickly rushing over and frantically sifting through it to do a recount of my treasure, I was suddenly assaulted with a stench and a horrible squishy sensation.

THE FUCKER SHAT. IN. MY. HOARD. He just went and took a dump in my treasure pile and then buried it under some coins. Who does that? I mean seriously what the hell. And if that wasn't bed enough, I'm pretty sure his diet is pretty goblin-heavy due to a deal he has with the local dwarves. The smell is just....nothing I do can seem to rid my lair of the stench.

Obviously now I'm going to kill him, but I need to do it in a matter that shows some form of poetic irony. Any ideas?

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>tfw black dragon
>started to lose interest in burning stuff with acid from a young age, got more interested in human literature
>eventually moved out of the swamps out of concern for my growing book collection
>built a lair overlooking a nice cliffside, chiseled out a proper study and windows and everything
>sometimes go to the bazaar for the book trade
>some humans figured out my disguise and followed me home
>they jumped me before turning into dragons and having a good laugh
>not a bad prank, but they were silvers and assumed I was one too
>they laughed harder when I turned back to my true form
>it's been nine years and they think me being black is some kind of running joke
>one of them has a really hot sister he's offering to set me up with, says we'll get along great
>but he wants to see my true form and I'm not good enough to polymorph into a convincing silver, when I tried he thought it was another joke
>whenever I insist I'm black he laughs and thinks I'm just cracking his eggs
>his sister is crossing the continent just to meet me, she'll be here in two days
>from the sounds of it she wants my wyrmlings

I doubt I can take either of these guys in a fight, and they're my best friends. It's not like I've been lying to them. That dragoness sounds like a sweetheart, too, and I'm not about to pass up a long-term mate.

How do I prevent this from turning into one of those fables where everyone dies?

>>53442632
Nobody is going to give you suggestions to try and indulge your fetish shit you disgusting black.

>>53442625
Bruv it's pretty obvious from the tapestry that you're using it for sex. There's not other reason to have a humanoid form that's wearing cloth and scales as clothing in a form resembling humanoid lingerie or have oversized and perky mammaries. Are you going to complain about humecution?

As for all your supposed benefits I fail to see any that aren't more easily accomplished with an aberrant form. Tendrils, tentacles, and pseudopods offer far superior manipulation than fingers, let alone fingers with only a partially opposable thumb.

>>53442725
Nice projecting there, but I'm a Green.

>>53442698
I know how this sounds, but the best solution is honestly going to be a serious talk with a cleric of Bahamut. He loves getting one over on his sister and you can get an honorary (((metallic))) status if you grovel appropriately. I assume the downsides in loving necromancy and rampaging rights won't affect a shut in like you.

>>53442827
Dracolich anon here, gotta agree with this Dragon anon

>>53442827
I wouldn't say I'm a shut-in, I just think undead are gross and acid baths are overrated. If anything I'm a hipster.

Would a covenant with Bahamut make me actually look like a silver and have silver wyrmlings? I've heard horror stories about what happens when the mother finds surprises on hatching day. I'm not above grovelling if I can avoid breaking her heart.

>>53442932
Bahamut pledged blacks look like bronzes with horns. We never lose the cheek horns. I assume telling them you're actually a bronze with a deformity won't be too big of an issue. Aside from coppers the (((metallics))) get along pretty well.

>>53442932
No It just would defuse misunderstandings. Your a black but big B said your ok so the silvers can just act like nothings changed and not suddenly be driven by ancestral hatred to attack. Di be honest and forceful about telling them your a black though. That the only dragon thats tricking them is themselves

>>53442415
>How big is your library? I mean it sounds pretty considerable and mine is only so large (Last count I have 536 books, give or take a dozen) and I'd love to expand.

As a Steel Dragon i'm expected to have a vast lybrary since i sink most of my money into it.
I've got a collection of about 2361 books.
The outer library are the 300 spare books that don't contain forbiden knowledge so i can rent them out to the monks safely.

>I don't suppose you'd be interested in a trade of copies, assuming I have something to catch your interest.


>Chronicles of Hrothgard Axesinger
>The Mechanomicon (this has helped me a hell of a lot)

These two i don't have yet.

I can trade you the following.

>Guide to building Labyrinth citties.
>History of metal magic.
>Collection of spirit training manuals.
>Cloning without Necromancy for smartasses. (I use this a lot and send lesser copies of my self out into the world while sucking in the expiriences from the safety of my home)
>Blood Medicine treatments (I use the methods described here to infuse individuals with my bloodline as a sort of reward for their service).
>Theories of draconic evolution... We can go further in the name of IO.


I have quite a lot of books free for trade.
You can look up most of these books on Dragazoon since i'm republishing them.

>>53442767
I'm not the anon that posted the portrait. Bit you do have a point about the particular humanoid form.
Tentacles maybe they provide slightly better manipulation but those appendages detract from your draconic nature and presence as well as being a surefire way of generating hostile impressions from other sentient beings, that and they just feel awkward to use.

>>53410289
Here we go again. It's always the Kobolds fault isn't it. You do realize they worship you because you're supposed to more powerful and capable than they are, right? How about you protect your own horde for once.

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>>53442966
>>53442974
>enter the thread as an outcast black
>leave as a trans-metallic

I agree about giving them the truth, they've been nothing but good to me. Honestly I should have made this choice centuries ago. Tiamat hasn't been so good to me anyway.

That dragoness is in for a surprise, but hopefully she'll be understanding of what I'm doing for her. Wish me luck.

Have a rare Falcor for your support.

>>53442632
Catch him and tie him up.
Then have his mouth serve as a Kobold toilet before you kill him.

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Hey guys? I need some parental help.

Last month my eggs hatched, and I think one of my wyrmlings are deformed. What should I do? This is my first clutch of eggs and I don't know what is wrong with him.

This tapestry is relevant. It's him.

>>53442698
Tell the fuckers to use Truesight on you.
The'll see that you are a black then.
Just ensure that you talk to them first so they know you aren't like the rest of your cousins.


Or just pray to Bahamut to turn you into a metalic.

>>53443181
Good luck young one may your wyrms all hatch into mighty dragons.
>>53442827
Remember when we were young and in love? How the eons pass so fast

>>53443257
That's Tiamat's latest project. She causes some wyrmlings to horribly mutate to become mindless automatons that exist only to kill at Tiamat's command.

>>53443257
Um it's possible that both you and the father had some Infernal ancestry and the Atavism got triggered on this particular egg.

>>53443257
Best case you or your husband has some giant or humanoid ancestry.

Worst case this kid is a lobotomized Tiamat robot.

>>53443351
Oh, I see. Well as long as he doesn't ruin my things, I'm fine with having him around.

>>53443355
Not that I know of. I beleive my mate's father communed with Infernal beings, but I don't think he ever made a pact with them.

>>53416305
Go back to /dreddit/

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This is now a Falcor thread. Post rare Falcors.

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>tfw no luck dragon gf

>>53442581
>The Lungs have a fucking caste system and taxes. How could you claim that they're the same as us.

Honestly, that doesn't sound too different from those of us who end up in power positions over mortals. It's pretty damn evil when you think about it.

>>53442269
Look, the Princess and I have an understanding. Namely that to survive as a politician and ensure our daughter has a future as queen, she needs to learn to play politics, especially if she's willing to get into this conspiracy game.

Also, hard to hide that you're a dragon from your mate when you kidnapped her in your natural form.

>That glorious feel when I managed to sneak kidnap her in my natural form without alerting the castle watch
>Then once she was locked up in my lair I went back and trashed the castle, her room, and the guards anyway.

>>53442632
have your followers 'convert' and begin leaving him offerings.

The offerings will be poisoned so he has the worst shits of his life.

>>53442698
I gotta say this seriously does sound all on them.

I mean, do they have permafrost in their fucking nostrils to not smell your color on you?

try what >>53443272, I mean they've known your for nine years now. If they get pissy and huffy and it's their baggage.

>>53443067
Hmmm. I can trade you both for Cloning without Necromancy for Smartasses and Blood Medicine Treatments. I'm thinking of doing something like >>53437646 suggested, but I really don't want to fuck any of them. (I've heard a few of them mating. Oh, gods, that noise they make haunts my nightmares.) And I would like them to be a bit stronger.

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Hey Faggots,
My name is St. George, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, reptiles who spend every second of their day looking at stupid ass gold. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever been venerated by the church? I mean, I guess it’s fun artistically roaring at villagers because of your own insecurities, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than jerking off to maidens in the capitol.
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much perfect. I was centurion in the legions of the emperor, and Martyr of the Lord. What contests do you partake of, other than “jack off to naked drawn kobolds”? I also maintain perfect logistics, and have a trophy room filled with wonders (I just got another; Shit was SO cash). You are all faggots who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It’s me and my latest kill.

>>53443630
Lesser mortal serving dragons is the natural order and isn't enforced on all of our lessers from birth. The lizardmen and poxed humans serve me in return for the privilege of living in my swamp.

The Lung have their fates laid out for them from their days as an egg. Everything is laid out by that Jade fucker leader of theirs.

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>>53443696
>fat

Edge aside, why you gotta be like that, man?

>>53443696
I though the mods banned this faggot. Mods do your job. Also stop lieing to yourself, the only dragons you kill are retarded.

>>53443900
I bet he kills drakes and sells their horns to dumb rich people.

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>>53443696
DELET

>>53426634
>FAGGOTFAGGOTFAGGOTFAGGOTFAGGOT
Sure showed him

>>53427070
Recently, (just in the past few hundred years or so) humans have begun training these armored warriors who use this glowy, ceremonial magic, in conjunction with their swordplay or what have you. I was once considering lichdom myself, but an order of these warriors in a neighboring nation recently got past all the magical death traps he had placed and killed this dracolich I briefly met in his lair. Supposedly, something that these human warriors have is especially effective against undead. It made me reconsider that path to immortality.

Hello, fellow dragons. I'm Borys of Ebe. I am a dragon. Just like all of you.

I need help.

I just moved into a new lair recently, and apparently a nearby village must have seen me flying around because they left a young woman chained to a post in front of my lair. When I eventually calmed her down enough that she could speak clearly she explained that her village picked her as "a sacrifice to appease the bloodthirsty beast's hunger for maiden flesh." Then she started crying again because her village was perfectly happy to send her to her death at the drop of a hat.

Seriously, what the fuck. I haven't even done anything, I'm still unpacking some of the stuff I flew in with. Right now she's eating a bit of a deer that I caught and cooked for her, but beyond that I have no idea what to do with her.

What the hells am I supposed to do here?

>>53444538
Keep her around. She probably knows the people and the area well. Plus, if adventurers come to kill you and she sticks up for you, they might fuck off.

>>53444538
If you don't mind mortals, you can use this to your advantage. Now that she's seen how easily other humans will betray her, foster that resentment in her and earn her loyalty and trust. Mold her into your ideal agent, teaching her magic and swordplay - hell, even gice her some of your blood if that will help.

Once she's ready, send her back to her village, ready to subjugate and conquer for you.

>>53444538
>>53444638

Forgot to mention, if you do keep her around, humans get bored EASILY. Unlike us, spending a week counting up our hoards is a mental death-march for humans. Have a variety of things for her to mess with, like paints, books, and instuments if you can handle the noise.

>>53444538
Eat her. No, really.

Maidens are a legit delicacy, the other white meat. If you never bully the humans or demand a sacrifice, just let them bring more once in a while then they'll have nobody to blame but themselves if they ever get sick of it. Otherwise, dress her up and sell her to one of those gross humans. Easy gold.

Either way, don't let her go. If she goes home un-eaten they'll think she struck a deal with you and kill her. Happened to me back in my lawful neutral days.

>>53443727
This is what happens when you go on a halfling based diet.

>b-but they're so tiny. just eating a couple more couldn't possibly affect my weight.

You're basically eating small blobs of lard wrapped around some bones. I'd recommend a dwarf-based diet, although if you're the type that gets constipation from them, elves are another lean alternative (although with the latter, you'll just be hunger a couple hours later anyway).

>>53444538
Those silly monkeys think we're all into the "blood of the virgin" thing when it's really just some sick deviant fetish they've gobbled up. Disgusting.

Still, at least this village is displaying the proper level of fear for you. Let them know what you really hunger for is treasure and that this would make a much more suitable offering. Over time you could grow into a "protector" relationship with them in exchange for what valuables they can offer. They won't be as good as Kobolds, but they could still be useful servants.

As for the person they gave you, I don't really know. Keep her around and train her as an agent if you want. You just moved into the area, so having someone among the rabble who works for you would be useful to get the lay of the land and correct any misunderstandings.

>>53444784
I thought kender were the healthy option. My mother had type 1 dragobetes so I was trying to play it safe.

>>53444819
>eating kender

ARE YOU TRYING TO GET A STOMACH INFECTION?!

Do you have any idea where their grubby little hands have been?

The answer is everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

>>53439052
You get back to /fit/ get yourself some gains and go get that horse.

>>53444885
wait, really? Is that what that weird rumbly feeling was? I mean I always cook and peel them first but I had some suspicions about that gooey texture they have. I thought I was doing alright considering I was raised eating giant snails and kelpies.

Though the one time I ate an elf it was a drow and I ended up puking spiders for a month. Could be worse.

>>53444968
>Though the one time I ate an elf it was a drow and I ended up puking spiders for a month. Could be worse.

Yeah, that happened to my cousin too, except he didn't puke them out...

...they came out the other end instead.

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>>53444303
YEAH!!

>>53444538
Fuck her. use the resulting half dragon as a diplomat between you and the village. humans apparently like cute things so keep that in mind when grooming the child. it's what I'm gonna do.

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>tfw no local hobby dungeons to play Palaces & Peasants at.

Why even live?

>>53443696
/d/ragon please leave. This 'Worthy human adversary' fetish is getting out of hand lately. I am all for ERP, but not here.

>>53422978
>>53418803
I bet it's a wholesome place thats fun for the whole family.

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>>53410289
Hey /dtg/ wyvern master race here just wondering how you losers manage to fly with those extra ugly-ass pair extra limbs weighing your body down? Also how come since you're too stupid to get bitches or gold with cunning you just chimp out and rape/rob ? Dracucks need to face the facts that they're inferior lol

Guys, I have a fucking problem.

So there's his god in my world—named Byr'nke or something, not sure—who recently approached me and offered to give me one million free gold pieces. So at first I assume it's a trap, but he does some godly kind of swear so I know the gold isn't cursed or something. I take the gold

But I'm a green, right? So I knew something was up, and did a bunch of research on it.

Turns out the god is in charge of "monetary policy," and gold gifts like that are intended to increase the money supply. As in, it's a way to make gold coins slightly less valuable, which is apparently good for the economy.

But that only works if the gold coins get into human hands. And he gave it to me. And nobody knows exactly why he gives gifts to dragons, but a lot of books speculate that he knows who dragonslayers are going to target, so he pads their horde a bit before they're killed.

I'm fucking terrified right now. I'm only like 200 years old, a really experienced slayer would walk all over me. Most of the books say that you can avoid this fate if you give the money away, but they offer no evidence, and I can't bring myself to part with it.

What the fuck do I do?

>>53442698
Cleric of Bahamut here.

Talk to one of us, we can get you a holy sign if you're actually just and righteous. Being good is a choice, not the result of your parentage.

I will say that merely wanting to get that seal to get laid is not going to go well. In fact, they'll probably curse you horribly. You have to make a commitment to live a righteous life.

It's more rewarding than you think, though! If they're iffy they'll probably assign you a cleric to act as a "coach" of sorts. If you ask for Vladimir Garcia I'd be interested in filling that position. I'm doing some research on Chrometallics anyway so if you do get it in with that dragoness it'll be productive for me as well. Plus your story is hilarious and I'd like to be a part of it.

>>53449017
Spend it on security. That's what the god wants anyway, just to get it moving through the economy. Whether it's you spending it or a dragon slayer doesn't really matter.

>>53449227
That's actually a really good idea. Thanks drake!

For the record, I'm doing this either way, but I have a follow-up question: do I have any chance of courting a mate? I'm getting to that age and have horrible trouble with males already.

>>53449410
Trouble as in there aren't any, trouble as in they want to eat you or trouble as in you want to eat them?

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>>53442303
GoldAnon here, you can't prove anything.
>>53442625
Exactly right!
>>53442767
First of all, a tempting form makes the humanoids eager to please you rather than just display fear and run off. It's a strategy.
Secondly, tentacles and the like are soft squishy and vulnerable. A humanoid body isn't all for comfortable defense, but it does the job of fine-handling while remaining practical and self-contained.
>>53443086
Besides being hideous, slimy tentacles dragging over rough terrain is going to be FAR worse than taking steps. It'd be like crawling upon your belly all the time.
>>53443696
Must you always show distain upon every thread, Knight-kun? You are such a try-hard jerk and I expect you to get banned again.
>>53443727
Fly more. Or swim if you're capable. Being inert and passive for too long is a good way to wake up with a hill on top of you.
>>53443924
That actually sounds incredibly plausible. I may have to get that spread around as fact.
>>53444303
That is NOT a Dragon.
>>53444538
Use her to send your declarations and official proclaimations as your emissary. That will also keep her busy and out of your hair, assuming you make it clear for nobody to harm her. Start a dialogue with the surrounding kingdoms?
>>53444968
That sounds like a curse relating to their spider queen. Did you devour one of their priestesses perchance?
>>53448712
We're actually capable of grappling or shredding you apart with those limbs during a tussel. Or using them for more advanced spellcraft than you could dream capable.
Cry more, Honey. Wyverns just aren't at our level.
>>53449017
Build a lair above your lair. Keep the gofted gold seperate from your normal horde but be prepared to collapse the cavern entirely of it gets invaded. Then you can always pick the wealth out of the avalanche again later. Alternatively you could trade the gold for other resources so you head off the plot before it can fully form.

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(Greetings/*Salutations*/Joys). (May we/I/ours be allowed to partake in the *games* that you play)?

>>53449017
I have not felt sympathy for a fellow dragon in quite some time, but this... moved me a little.

If it were me, and I assume your security is paltry... hmm.

My first idea is that you could announce your intention to attend the festival or ball of a local king. Round up your most athletic kobolds and kidnap a bard to teach them gymnastic routines. Arrive, put on a show, demonstrate your power and make an ally of the king. You stand to mutually benefit from the implied allegence, no dragonslayer is going to attack you at a royal ball or festival, and afterward you should have a name for yourself, knowledge that attacking you will anger the king, and hopefully a source of tribute. The trick will be surviving that long.

If your threat is more immediate it may be worthwhile to simply run and hide for a while.

Oh, as an added bonus, the bard might fellate you for his life, and that may help calm your nerves for a time.

>>53449457
Little column A, little column C.

>>53449656
You could try finding someone who's into that, I guess.

>>53449651
I could try that I guess but that's not going to help my "humans are going to ruin my lair" problem very much, sadly.

I'll try to find a king, but there's not many of those around here. Most humans and elves have other forms of government that are slightly more difficult to bribe.

I can't see many of the ones around here letting me put on a show and demand tribute. They're all rich enough to just hire a dragonslayer to kill me if I try. Hell, maybe that's what the god thinks I'll do.

The kobold idea is really good, though! I can rent them out to get extra cash to have people guard my horde. That could actually work out pretty well. Would gymnastics actually work for that? Would people pay to see it?

>>53449579
Ok, dracolich anon here. Not ashamed to admit that despite my eons of life and additional eons of unlife, massive library and great grasp of various bits of ancient lore: BY IO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS THING IS WHAT THE FUCK.

>>53449823
I want to eat them because they are weak and worthless. I've had Wyrmlings try to court me! Which was really creepy—I don't know who the hell their sire was but they obviously had some screws loose.

I'm the only dragon my age here. It's awful.

>>53450051
Try being so old every dragon your age is dead

>>53450042

I IZ JUST WHITE HATCHLIN, BUT I TINK DAT IZ A....

....A BIG PIECE OF "NOPE"?

>>53450068
Ouch.

How old, may I ask? And what color? We don't get many oldwyrms here.

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>>53450112
Im a dracolich, I mean literally dead though. Color and age became meaningless a long time ago when my scales and flesh withered and age no longer marked a chage

>>53450142
>Metalwyrms

Humans were a fucking mistake. They're going to destroy us all one day. Fuckers always wind up making shit like this in every world I scry.

>>53450158
Oh.

Is that a good life? Or, well, unlife, I guess. I know that's a long way off but chilling with Tiamat in the nine hells doesn't really appeal.

>>53450142
Best dragon my ass, you cant even speak without throwing a beep boop in tthere.

>>53450224
Unlimited necrotic power, all eternity to persists and a phylactary to prevent you from staying dead its pretty great. tiamat is a flighty whore and slut avoid her at all costs

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>>53450173
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>>53450142
>best wyrm
>has no fucking eyes

best wurm is more like it.

>>53449578
>implying you can catch me with those gorilla arms at your side
>WE WUZ SPELLCRAFTERS N' SHIT

when was the last time you saw a dragon make a wand or something instead of just stealing it

>>53450601
Oh wow, well said sir that there was a real fucking breath weapon

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>>53450042
(Why are you scared little thing)? (Let us come over to your *Home*/Residence/Den so that we may play lots of fun *games* together).

>>53450753
Not scared just trying to figure out what you are

>>53446473
>Fuck her.
Spotted the Silver

>>53450630
>NEEDING A FUCKING WAND
Humans just can't even fathom how shitty they are.

>>53450983
well it's not like the half dragons can breed with each other.

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>>53450888
(We are the Singer of the End). *The Ender Of The Loom* (The Deep CrY That *Echoes* through The Stillborn). (The Song To End All Songs). (We were called hear by the *little starlings*). (We wish to observe/grow/germinate, and learn from those *within*).

So I have a rather odd situation here. I'm a Gold, and one day I had some human actually get on to my lair (it's a large island I have concealed by various spells that make things not want to come this way (I even managed to divert an ANCIENT blue one time with it, good for me because I don't know if I could have taken him on at the time)

Normally I'd just put her and her party to sleep and carry them off the island, maybe change her memory to make her think she never found the island. I'd rather not just kill someone for entering my lair but there's things here that I wouldn't want let out on the world

But they way she acted made me think otherwise. She paid no attention to my treasure, in fact she stopped the others from touching it, and when I went to confront her she said she wanted to be a paladin for me, gathering dangerous artifacts and returning them here so they can stay safe

It sounds like a great plan, She brings me rare magical things, I can spend more time not gathering them myself, but the way she looked at me was a bit... unusual. She wasn't lying or anything, but well let's just say I'm no Silver, not that interested in relationships with humans. I'll stick to going to their cities and eating some of the delicious things they've come up with for food

The others in her group weren't very interesting, an older man who groomed her horse while we spoke, one man who just carried a lute, and a boy who couldn't have been more than 15

>>53450991
I never said they needed a wand I meant to put in their hoard you Dragfag or is that too difficult a concept for you 6 limbed fuckos to comprehend? That wands are valuable.

>>53451150
Dude break it off. The vast majority of humans are shitters and those that want to fuck dragons alllll have serious issues. Even Tiamat knows better than to keep humans anywhere in the general vicinity of her genitals. Remember, don't hump the humies.

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Can /dtg/ explain this show to me? Is this the work of those faggy eastern dragons or are eastern mortals more lusty for dragon sex then regular mortals? I'd post this on /Da/ but, its full of nothing but whites and metallics.

>>53450983
SIlver would say to seduce her. They care about consent and shit.

>>53449207
Thinking of it in another context, the human equivalent would be a bunch of preppy white kids with a black friend that they have deluded themselves to think is just wearing blackface, as a joke.

>>53451090
But are you a dragon? If yes then sure come on over ive got lots of scrying spells set up for watching the world

>>53451224
Except she doesn't know better. She does that all the time. Such a slut

>>53451303
>>53451224

>Talking shit about Tiamat

A whole lot of edge here.
Go back to Deddit where you can discuss how antitheism makes you superior, you scalebeards.

>>53451278
The racism angle is a tricky issue.

I'm a human, right? Or, well, born a human, I've been graced with some modifications since (wings are awesome). We're born as blank slates, completely free to choose.

Dragons are a bit different because they can trace their bloodline back to one of two gods. Two gods with totally different ideals and beliefs. This manifests itself in their great power, and also a tendency towards one of those two ideals. Chromatics have a soul that's slightly disposed towards evil. Metallics, to good.

But that's only a predisposition. Dragons have the force of will to completely overcome it, and they often do! If this particular black is good enough that he's accidentally fooled silvers, then he's probably almost there. I or one of my associates would just be making it official—fully removing Tiamat's taint, and replacing it with the light of her brother. It's a very solemn duty, and the most rewarding part of my services.

But, at the same time, I'm not sure if it's neccisary. The Platinum King would let him into his kingdom upon death if he was upright with or without my doing.

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Why do dragons want to stockpile wealth?

What reason do they have biologically?

Do they just like shiny things?

White dragon here: why is most of my damn brethren so damn dumb?
now don't get me wrong, i like chilling up here in the cold, and legitimately the best hoard is owning rare precious things, for us whites its meat since getting decent food sources suck from time to time in the middle of frozen nowhere, but seriously, my brothers and sisters are actively dumb enough to after things way stronger then them and tend to die off because of it. It is incredible, this is what they seem to get though because none of them actually bothered to learn how to read since thats "counter intuitive to our culture" and "you don't need this to survive in the frozen wasteland"

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>>53451417
To get dragon bitches

>>53451417
Because the last time some of these things got out of a dragon's lair an entire continent sunk underwater. If these can't be destroyed (and believe me I tried) and now that humans have figured out planar travel nowhere is safe, someone has to stop the idiots from getting them. So I'm holding on to them until I grow too old and die, then my son will watch over it, and so on

>>53451458
>>53451417
He's actually right, for many of us it's more of a way to attract mates.

It really sucks.

>>53451458
what if the dragons are female?

I ask because im running a dragon heavy campaign soon and I actually have no idea how I would play a dragon's personality to make sense with the whole hoard thing

>>53451417
I theorize that dragons and east coast rappers share a common ancestor somewhere down the line.

>>53451515
Its a gold digger or a lesbian

>>53451417
I am a bit of a magpie. No shame in that.