You just found a genie lamp. You have been given three wishes,

I wish for a Deck of Many Things.

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>>53289165
I'd wish for infinite mental storage capacity, then the ability to remember everything I perceive perfectly. My third wish would be for a book that will answer any question I ask it verbally by filling its pages with a detailed answer. It can only do this three times a day, however, so I don't just ask it everything in one sitting and lose any interest in life.

>have you or your players ever spent a wish smartly or stupidly, tell us about it.
Haven't had the chance to cast wish in any tabletops, but one time in an MTG cube game I got a golden wish and cast it to bring a rod of ruin into the game. We had a laugh and then I got my ass handed to me over the next couple rounds.

>>53289165
>have you or your players ever spent a wish smartly or stupidly
We once rescued a fairy who granted us no less than TEN wishes total. It sounded pretty outlandish until she explained the catch: she can't go on to alter reality around us or anything, because it wasn't her "season", but she could alter us as individuals or grant us items.

The other catch only came apparent when we made our first wish: she wasn't a dick or anything, in fact she was incredibly helpful and always tried her best to give us what we wanted, it was just that she was a colossal fuck-up. For instance, the kobold sorcerer who asked for dragon wings got them literally, far too huge for her to even get off the ground with them or much move at all. The human gunslinger asked to be tougher and got turned into a dwarf.

We spent more wishes undoing our previous ones than wishing for anything else. But we did get some guidebooks and a really fancy minor magical trinket out of it.

>PC is already immortal due to a Genie wish (and working off said wish as a servant for a few hundred years)

They'd wish the Genie a safe trip back home, and that they've already had their wishes for a lifetime (as there's a rule that a mortal only gets so many Wishes)

Remember kids- the best way to not get dicked by a Genie is to make a wish that also benefits them.

>>53289165
>Meta wishes like wishing for more wishes or more genies fizzle out.
So I can't wish for a genie gf?

>>53289165
>not a jerk
>three wishes

First wish is knowledge of the optimal wish for the wellbeing of both myself and the world around me. Second wish is whatever that wish is. Third wish is freedom for the genie, unless that IS the optimum wish, in which case the second is something small for my trouble.

If I know exactly what to wish for, I only need the one.

>>53289680
Hey, put a mystical lock on that book and you have yourself some income too!

>>53289165
>how to live my ideal life
>the materials/abilities required
>I wish everyone had what I had

>>53289680
>she wished for nobility but not for a nation to honor it
what the fuck does that even mean? What happened to the woman in the card?

>>53289771
>The human gunslinger asked to be tougher and got turned into a dwarf.
That made me laugh.

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Omnipotence but not omniscience so it's not as boring?

Wish that Wishes (other than my own power) couldn't undo my omnipotence?

At that point I wouldn't really need the third wish so I'd just ask the Genie if he wants to use the last one since he gave me this power in the first place, after all I could undo any severe damage he might do with my own power.

At that point I suppose I'd just do whatever, since I wouldn't expect the wish to not backfire and wouldn't really have any plans after that.
Maybe right some wrongs and be justice-y for a while.

>>53289165
I want the power to make everyone I want into a Genie at my orders.

I wish for a stack of blank GURPS sheets, enchanted so that if a name is written to the name box, the sheet would fill out the person's approximate real-world stats - and those stats could be altered.

I'd then use the first one on myself and give myself immortality and superpowers and maybe 20 extra points to all stats and all that other good shit. Some of the rest could be given to my friends, while others I'd use to sneakily buff up people that I know would use the power for good (the pope, Elon Musk, Malala Yousafzai, etc.), and horribly inconvenience tyrants and other assholes (Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, and others).

>>53290386
She is "noble" but no one recognises this status

>>53290386
It means she just wanted the status but not the responsibility that came with the nobility.

>>53289165
I wish for omnipotence.

>>53290568
>Give the Pope actual holy(?) powers

>>53289165
I did this in a game. The group frees a genie, but in the process diminish his power such that he can only grant the group a single wish. The party starts squabbling amongst themselves on how to use the wish. Eventually my character, a halfling rogue gets bored with the arguements and says to the genie, "I wish everyone in the world will have their favorite for dinner tonight and will go to bed content."

The genie folds his arms, bows his head, and says, "It is saiib." And then vanishes.

The rest of the group is furious at me, but the DM hushes them and starts describing the wave of contentment that flows over the world. From the poorest shit farmer to the mightiest god all for a few brief hours are content. The only people who weren't happy were the other PCs as they were all too bitchy to enjoy their sumptuous feasts.

Shit was hilarious.

>>53290706
Man, that sounds like it could've ended some wars and shit. Your party is some petty bastards.

>>53290386
I assume it's typical genie wish-twisting.

So she might have become Queen of a small desolate stretch of wasteland, or the the Duchess or Princess of a dead nation whose territory had already been claimed by other nations. Or reality twists to give her a direct line of ancestry to the emperors of a nation that has long since switched to democracy completely (unlike the UK, which as a constitutional monarchy still honors its nobility to a degree).

Probably something like that.

>>53290751
They really aren't that bad. They're just your typical murderhobos. They were arguing about getting stat bonuses and stupid magic items. They all write X Good on their character sheet but are really mostly just selfish as hell.

>>53289165
Early on in a campaign, I had a sea witch give one of the PC's a small sea shell with the only instructions "be careful where you use it". It was a seashell of greater wish. The PC put it in his bag and completely forgot about it for 3/4 the campaign and somehow didn't accidentally trigger it. Eventually they figured it out and were so terrified of unforseen consequences, they refused to use it and obsessed over it until the campaign end.

>>53289892
You can wish that the genie was your gf.

>>53289165
Good health, sound mind, and longevity.
With those, I can attain anything else on my own.

>>53289165
>What do you wish for?
I'm boring, so here's the boring wishes.

1. Wealth, beyond whatever I can possibly use in a given lifetime. Billions and billions of dollars, etc.

2. Knowledge, in the form of a tablet that will provide me a complete and true answer to any question I pose it, thrice per day.

3. Life. An extended, possibly infinite, lifespan. I'd debate on this one a lot, so I'm not sure on the form it'd take or how long I'd ask for.

These are fairly poorly worded, but it seems like said genie is granting the spirit, not the letter, of my wishes.

>have you or your players ever spent a wish smartly or stupidly, tell us about it.
Eh, if you honor the spirit of the wish, even bad wording is basically fine. Precise wording only matters if the genie is a dick about it.

>>53291024
OP is asking us to tell him a story, and no one gives a shit about the "spirit" of the wish.

>>53289165
DnD 3.5, I can't even remember what we did to get it but genie gave us one wish.

Before we can even talk about what we should wish for, one player just shouts "I wish the vampire blahblah was mortal again".

DM had been dropping hints about adventure we would have either next or soon and a vampire lord was implied to play important part in it.

Wish went poof and we never heard about the vampire adventure again. I guess it was a successful wish on some level and you could maybe argue that it would make sense for a person living in the world to do something like that, even if only things we knew were some drunken rumors.

But, like, if you don't want to go on adventure against a vampire lord, you could just tell the DM. At least he didn't wish for the Deck.

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>>53290706
That's really kind of heartwarming, actually.

>>53290706
>The only people who weren't happy were the other PCs as they were all too bitchy to enjoy their sumptuous feasts.

But... at least they went to bed content, right?

>>53291199
I think he was just trying to be a funny guy.

Also a mortal vampire in a quest to become immortal sounds kinda cool too. Waste of chance by the DM.

>>53290930
It is done sahib.

You are now an Elan, an ageless being of psychic power that can go without food and drink, and is able to resist injury, poisons, diseases with an application of your will. Go forth, learn and do.

>>53291268
Boldo was a simple guy. He didn't want to get caught up in the world of wizards and knights and dragons. He just wanted a nice quiet farm, a plump wife, and lots of kids running around. The main reason he stuck around is he knew them big idiots would muck up things if he wasn't there to inject a little Hairfoot sense.

>>53291291
They didn't eat their dinner so they didn't go to bed content. They chose to ignore the genie's blessing and were worse for it.

>>53290568
>Musk
>good
>Putin and Erdogan
>evil

>>53289165
I wish for true immortality, the eternal propensity for learning of a child, and the ability to choose not to feel pain if I desire.

Golden throne here I come.

1. I had a phd level understanding of every occupation and skill
2. I grow exponentially rather linerially. (Work out one day, lift a car the next)
3. Everyone including me gains a random superpower( limited to non-godlike powers say omnipotence or omniscience)

Though I expecting wizardry to be a occupation.

>>53292289
This. I tell the genie to go to http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Special:Random
And give me the power he gets.

Then I will use my second wish to gran the genie a girlfriend.

Then I use my third wish to send the genie and his girlfriend to a different plane. So no more wishing for anyone.

>>53290568
dumb liberal

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>>53291577
>>53292430
Oops, I forgot Trump.

>>53289165
1. I wish everyone met their own ideal of beauty and accepted eachother

2. I wish we as a species had access to technology that gave us the ability to visit and terraform other planets on a practical scale

3. I wish the most objectively good nation was armed to bring down the worst of our planet

1. I wish to have a magical, wirelessly connected, indestructible printer that does not need a power source or supplies.
2. I wish for this printer to generate legal, circulating money and complete CYOAs which come true for those who fill them out and sign them or imprint them with blood.
3. I wish for all genies to be free.

I'll get everything else from there.

>>53289165
My pain is constant and sharp, so I do not wish for anything.

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>>53289165
>have you or your players ever spent a wish smartly or stupidly, tell us about it.

I played a campaign where one of the things we ran into was an old guy making really, absurdly cheap magic weapons. He did this by fishing through the planes for a being, and then stuffing them into a magic item. This created an intelligent magic item that grew with the player so long as the player tried to shape their alignment to match the spirit's.

The upside is you could pull a spirit whose alignment matched yours. The downside is that this guy was unknowingly trolling through the entirety of the planes, and our druid managed to roll the unlucky triple aughts to get the horrible eldritch dead god from beyond time and space.

The powerful evil aura emanating from the scimitar drove everyone out of the hovel where this was occurring. the old man ran screaming into the night, and the sword flopped itself over and over, inexorably, until it reached the feet of it's new master, where it waited with malevolent patience to be picked up and belted on. The scimitar now sported 13 pearls on it's hilt that it didn't have before. The sword tempted it's owner with wishes... and each time a wish was fulfilled, the druid felt a peal like a great bell tolling, and a pearl would turn black.

This was incredibly bad juju, and it was pretty obvious that something horrific was going to happen when all the pearls went black. ...he used up 4 wishes before noticing anything. We broke session, the GM figured out what was in the sword, figured the druid would throttle back on wishes, and the sword entity would make a fun plot coupon to deal with at a later date.

Next session the druid blows through the 9 remaining wishes, including such gems as 'I wish I didn't half to walk everywhere,' 'I wish that guy would go away,' and 'I wish I had a sandwich.' The final wish was to kill the current BBEG.

The incredulous GM then had to describe the apocalypse that was this thing getting free.

>>53289165
I don't think Wishes ever in the history of any RPG worked the way most people think they do.

>>53289165
>True, absolute immortality
>Omniversal reality warping
>Omniversal dimensional manipulation

>>53293076
Sounds like a pretty great Storytime actually, assuming the campaign didn't end right there.

>>53289165
My first wish would be for our GM to not have idea burnout for months on end after two weeks of game, because it makes him feel like a hack and us with no game and a sad GM
My other two wishes would be the first two wishes of >>53289680 as I have a deathly fear of dementia and other such neurological deterioration.

Never gotten a wish in-game though, though each of my characters would wish for something "good".
>ranger
I'm honestly unsure, but it'd be super fuckin' selfish at a surface level, like "I want to be nobility of [country] that's right between Duke and Sovereign" so they could alleviate pressures from Sovereign as a trusted ally, or "extreme magic ability" so like, ten levels in Wizard to be strong enough to curb a large amount of threats solo.
>monk
People no longer become tempted to do ill by the power wealth offers. Not quite "purge corruption" or "remove currency" as that's too broad for him to know the consequences of, but a huge step toward his end goal.
>wizard
They'd wish for the knowledge (and capability if the genie lets them do a package deal) to properly raise the dead so they can get their family back.

>>53293324
It didn't end there - the campaign became about trying to reseal or defeat the thing we let loose, and rand for quite a ways longer, though by the end of it there were only two players left.

I've told the story of the end of that campaign on /tg/ before.

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For my first wish I would wish that everyone else in the world also got three wishes of their own. I want to see how hard the world would get fucked up by this.

For my second wish I would wish for immunity against wishes made by other people that can affect me.

For my third I would wish for an indestructible bag for cheetos spicy puffs that never runs out.

If the first wish counts as a meta wish then I guess I'll just get my cheetos and sit on the other two wishes until I need them.

I wish my waifu was real

I wish she loved me

I wish I was happy

>>53293302

>didn't wish for the knowledge to use those powers

You'll live forever and never get to use those powers.

1-A box with an hd with 100% bugfixed version of 2027 dwarf fortress source code, with one source code version for "every" current architecture version of "every" current os (all versions have all the current official [countries only, no indigenous tribes] languages as a option), is sent to him.
1.1-Without the comments that would allot him to guess it came from the future, actually the comments would changed to something that explain what is needed to be explained but without being something that he would read and say "wtf, this came from future".

I wish for a campaign not run by faggots

>>53294207
1.2-The box would also have a letter that would say, I wont send this source code to anyone else, feel free to use it to continue development and release the game without releasing the source code, and telling the entire thing is your work

>>53294207
You might have to ask for the ability to comprehend full version of dwarf fortress, tis something not for mortal eyes

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>>53290568

1. Omnikensis
I might not need the other two.
So yea

>>53289165
1. The superpowers of the fiction character 'The Gamer'
2. The genie to be my buddy after he's free
3. The genies freedom.

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>>53289165
How about a magic lamp radar then?

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>>53289165

Biological immortality with the needed physical and mental changes needed to not go bonkers or turn into a giant blob of cancer over time.

Boosting my physical and mental abilities to superhuman levels.

Precognition to avoid danger.

Then I...catch up on my reading, I guess.

>>53294486
Now this is a great idea.

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I know this would happen with at least one group...

I wish for the ability to convince anyone of anything, with an addendum that I can consciously turn this power on and off freely

I wish for the ability to see anyone's current thoughts, their current feelings, and their opinions and feelings towards myself, on a convenient little stat screen that I can open and close freely.

I wish you free from whatever imprisonment put you in the lamp

>>53292453
>not giving him Charitable, Honesty, and Pacifism (cannot harm innocents)

>all these idiots wishing the genie was free
You freed the genie when you opened the bottle, dumbass. The "genie lives in the bottle until freed with a wish" nonsense is Disney-only.

I'd wish to cure my brain damage so I can have a normal life. I'd wish for my health to be restored so I wasn't bedridden most days. I'd then wish my cat was better socialized so I wouldn't worry about what happens to her when I die.

I'll have a coke.

>>53298071
Okay, I'll redo my last wish then and wish all my mothers mental issues are fixed.

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>>53289892
>>53290899
>You can wish that the genie was your gf.

>>53289165
1) I now have the superpower "Path to Victory"

2) Every time I die, I can either restart my life or be reincarnated according to my specifications.

3) I acquire a friendly TARDIS that recognizes all of my reincarnations.

>>53289165

Shitty DM gave our party a DOMT at like fourth level after clearing out some kobolds.

The weird, creepy kid in the group used his wishes to ask for a single fifth level spell slot, turned a party member into a transvestite named Amanda, and then forced a party member to seal a pact with a tentacle monster.

Needless to say, I dropped that campaign quickly.

First, the entire removal of the imported fire ant from every country that it was not native to pre 1950.

Second, the resurgence of non-aggressive bees to the world.

Third, for performing those two acts, I wish the genie had one month out of the year to wander around as a man with enough money to do whatever interests them, but not enough to destabilize an economy.

Wish 1: I wish for infinite flerps
Wish 2: I wish that the word flerp means wish

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>>53291577

>>53291024
>Precise wording only matters if the genie is a dick about it.
>I know nothing about traditional genies and want them to be boring.

>>53289165
I wish for one copy of every magic card ever printed with a value of over $10 (med) on tcg at the time of asking.

>>53300059
Changing the meaning of a word doesn't ret-con reality. If you wish for a thousand fishes and then wish that the word "fish" means "gold ingot", that won't turn every fish into a gold ingot.

>>53300188
Wish 3: My previous wish retcons the reality.

>>53291577
If you're not trolling, i really wanna see how can you possibly explain this.

Eternal youth

The ability to shapeshift/change my appearance

The power to share these powers with others, so that they can also share it with others and on and on.


Then I can live a comfy life with my friends and family and all the other immortal demi-gods we create.

Would probably just use it to get rich and abandon everyone I know.

>>53289165
I wish for wisdom, health and a harem of elves.

>>53300461
Your previous wish is retconned to be meta, and therefore retroactively fizzles.

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>>53289892
You can ask for a half genie only.

>>53302647
I'm OK with this.

1. The powers of a level 40 wizard
2. The powers of a divine rank 40 creature
3. A credit card that allows me to spend other people's money, the credit card cannot be stolen or lost.

1. For every human in the world dumber or less physically fit than me to be as smart and/or physically fit as me.
2. Don't care
3. Genie gets a one-week holiday every year, as long as it doesn't interfere with or affect mortals.

>>53289165
>I wish to see the heirarchy of power for all beings to place where exactly the genie is in relation to gods and other beings
>I wish to be as high up upon this chart as the genie can make me while not sacrificing my freedom and maintaining my sanity
>I wish for the genies freedom if I cannot provide it with the former wish
Alt.
>waifus
>non murderhobo party

>>53302180
You didn't specify the gender of the elves, you get the standard 50/50 mix

>>53305111
>harem of elves
>50/50 gender mix is "standard"
At least be a creative jerkass genie and have Santa come after them.

>>53289165
I would wosh for my remaining two wishes to go to someone morally worthy of them.

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>>53291364
>tfw an ageless being of psychic power that can go without food and drink, and is able to resist injury, poisons, diseases with an application of your will.

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>>53305111
>harem

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>>53306958

>>53289165
I wish talking to people didn't make me uncomfortable.

I wish I had ten times more social intelligence then I currently have.

I wish I didn't socially isolate myself.

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>>53289165
I'm surprised nobody posted this

>>53289165

A one dose cure all for Clincal depression I figure taking care of this would allow me to fix a whole bunch of other stuff in my life.

To have the next lotto ticket I intentionally buy be the sole winning ticket for the jackpot.

Imortality/Agelessness and Invulnerabity (with the ability to off myself should I choose) couple with infinite perfect memory and an infinite capacity for learning.

Honestly the first one would be more than enough for me.

>>53293371
As someone who has been a burnout GM like the one you're talking about for several years, and is now doing much better:

Here are a list of things that alleviate GM burnout, in my experience.
- Being a player.
- Being allowed semi-regular breaks.
- Having a backup GM so there's less pressure on you.
- Inspiration from media like movies, books, TV-shows, and GMing and/or playing in different settings.

You have to get someone else in the group GM a campaign of their own alongside the other once. Maybe every third session or so, and as backup whenever your GM needs a rest or has too much shit going on in their life to find the energy to prep/come up with ideas.

To get the social dynamic working right, it's may be a good idea to ask your foreverGM to act as a patient mentor for your (probably fledgeling) backup GM outside of (not during) sessions. But you know these people better than I do, of course.

... And if the backup GM isn't ready when they're needed, maybe decide to watch couple movies or play a board game instead of canceling sometimes.
The prospect of having to cancel can put a lot of pressure on the DM without them even noticing, which actually causes burnout in the long run.

>>53289165
I wish for the powers of a genie without the obligations of one.

>>53308269
Genies don't have obligations. They're magical beings trapped by sorcerers, who grant wishes out of gratitude.

>>53289165
1. A magic box. (or a technologically advanced one able to do the same thing.)
You place materiel inside the box and it is changed/transmuted to another kind of material of your choice.

2. Gravity manipulation. If I had to have a super power flying would be towards the top. This one adds a few bonus options.

3. Would be held in reserve for an emergency if possible.

I'd wish for the power to shapeshift, the power to teleport, and the power to manipulate people's dreams.

Self improvement time in less than 5 minutes!

I wish to be fit
I wish to be motivated to do things
I wish I didn't have all of my mental disorders

Wish 1: I want my body turned to the ideal version of itself (clear skin, fitter body, 20/20 vision) and it maintains itself regardless of diet/exercise.
Wish 2: I want a residual income of 4000 US Dollars a month.
Wish 3: I want to have mastery over every string and percussion instrument.

>>53289165
I wish to be a Planeswalker. I'd get everything else I wanted through that.

If not applicable, give me some other means to travel between dimensions 100% safely and keep me safe in other realms.

I wish the genie was a cute girl
I wish the cute girl genie would fall in love with me
I wish the cute girl genie was free from the lamp

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>>53319243
Come on, man, it's like you didn't even fucking WATCH Aladdin.

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>>53289165
>I wish Mairon is real
>I wish Mairon thinks I'm Melkor
>I wish I had all the powers/capacities of Illuvatar
Pls no fizzle

I can't recall all the stupid shit my players wishes for. I tried my best to take their wishes as in-spirit as possible but they were a antagonistic bunch - always at each other's throats. I'll dig up my notes and post a story or two sometime.

>>53289165
>Immortality
>The power to create and bestow superpowers and the knowledge on how to do so
>The retroactive existence of an artificial afterlife where everyone gets the physical equivalent of their own Garry's Mod server and the ability to visit those of others

>>53289165
1. All niggers get out of USA
2. All brown shit get out of USA
3. Pepsi

>>53289165
>I wish for nuclear fusion to finally be cracked
>I wish for people to stop pointlessly treating eachother like shit
>I wish biopunk to happen

>>53302647
>not wishing to be the half-genie

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>>53320546
>second wish removes everything brown-colored from the United States
>including all topsoil

Y O U

F O O L

>>53289165
Three wishes?

I guess I could just wish to know who I really am. Alternatively, I could wish to live as long as the genie does so we can be pals. Or maybe I could wish for something stupid, like a large cosplay closet full of costumes that change my voice and figure when worn and come with harmless light effects.

I dunno. What would the genie suggest/do if I admitted I just didn't know what I wanted most?

>>53289165
shapeshifting of myself and others (effectively grants immortality too since you can just shapeshift younger)
mastery (in techique and taste) of all forms of art
ability to create savestates

I wished that for just one hour anyone who had last someone dear could spend time with them one last time and that they would be able to stop dwelling on the loss of their loved ones and move on

From a character standpoint my Antipaladin would wish for;

1. Her sister to be brought back to life with no undead funny business.
2. For the current part of the quest to be over (Fucking Vetra-Kali).
3. That's about it. How about the world's most powerful greatsword?

1. I wish to immediatelly gain all the powers listed on the Superpowers wiki

2. I wish to innately know how to use and control them.

3. Give 3rd wish to genie.

Extra wish: i want /tg/ to try and prove this isnt the optimal and only way to correctly use these wishes.

>>53289165
One: Telekinesis.
Two: anything with an exoskeleton that gets within ten feet of me dies instantly.
Three: I wish to be the little girl.

>>53321499
You'd destroy yourself with your powers before you manage to ask the second wish

>>53321579
Fair point, then reverse order of 1st and 2nd wish.
To be absolutely certain, forgo genie's freedom by wishing to be absolutely invincible for the next 3 minutes, then try to free him with newfound omnipotence.

>>53289165
I'd wish that my genie was switched out with Genie from Aladdin. Not for more wishes, but because Genie > random genie

>>53308134
>other attempted GMs can't hold a schedule to let him be a player
>don't want to attempt to GM between lack of faith with myself and the proposed game, and IRL obligations able to BTFO my schedule at any moment
>has pointed out that he paradoxically dislikes just about every piece of media related to the fantasy genre and then some
>game is over roll20 because America is fuckhuge and Norway is across a damn ocean
Be honest doc, we're never going to get another session are we?

>>53291577
>Erdoğan
>not evil
Try living in Turkey for a while.

>>53321499
>>53321666
There may be some powers there that you wouldn't want.

http://powerlisting.wikia.com/wiki/Objectivism_Embodiment

>>53289165
Enough financial stability to support myself comfortably, and with plenty of luxuries, for the rest of my life.

Better creativity in constructing and describing campaigns and events within said campaigns.

More engaging players.


I also had a character of mine wish to find some druids to resanctify an amulet of +2 AC to my patron god, when I just could've wished Malfeshnikor out of existence and skipped damned near dying to angry bugbear.

>>53305111
going by D&D, it'd be a 33.3/33.3/33.3 mix, what with their third gender.

1) I wish I knew what the optimal second wish would be
2) I wish {whatever the optimal wish is}
3) Genie, I wish you were free

>>53324642
>free the genie
>he's an asshole and destroys the world