Oh No!

>>52970673
>Inquisitor Headsmash jr.
Dear god how horrifying.

Did the clowns go "Hey anon, how's your sex life? WHAT'S your sex life?" and ask me if I wanted their prince albert in my can?

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>>52970673
>the last character you've played in a tabletop game is attempting to rescue you
>last character was a Midas priest of Acquisitions
>would honestly rather watch than work pro bono
I'm broke so I better get used to the taste of banana creampies.

>>52970673
>A level 5 cleric with a battleaxe
I think I'm good.

>>52970673
>Epic-level archmage with a specialty in scrying and polymorph
>Light-hearted, peppy character who tries their best to be a good person.
Clowns? What clowns. All I see are toads with red ball noses.

Now, time to see if I can convince a friendly archmage to turn me into someone more attractive.

>Deathwatch Salamanders Devastator marine
Well the clowns are pretty fucked, but given the fact I've managed to get friendly fire on all three fellow squad members in the first three sessions means I've got a decent chance of not making it out alive as well.
I least I don't get clown raped I guess.

>street shaman with the summoning skill
I'm home before anyone notices I'm gone

>>52970673
>extremely angry Mongolian Dwarf Rogue
If I can't get out by myself, I deserve my fate.

>>52970673
>Lore Bard
He quickly disguises as a clown, infiltrating the clown base for a daring rescue

>>52970673

...frankly, good question.
She's not that high level yet ( only level 3) but she's cunning, fairly tough for her level, and able to use voodoo magic. She shines in intimidation skills too, but in this category of enemies I doubt she can do much.
So, likely she can take down most of the gang. But whenever she can survive long enough or not, and make them dispatch due losing too many members, is another story.
So, I'd give it a 50% chance of survival.

wielder of the legendary blade and chosen disciple of a samurai god

>>52970673
Disgruntled, disgraced soldier of an empire of chromatic dragon worshipers who was sent on a suicide mission to destabilize a neighboring kingdom of mostly good people. Last game ended with him and another guy killing the shit out of slavers, so I might have a chance.

>Captain Rogers, Ex Pirate, serial rapist, shotgun toting, hormonally imbalanced failed-child-experiment half-super-soldier trying to walk the path of peace and be a decent person after all the Terrible Shit he did in the past, armed with a high tech shotgun and the capacity to dent tank plating with his bare hands.
Totally safe, clowns get raped instead

>>52970673
>John "Doc" Hawthorne. Doctor, Healer and Alchemist, as well as all around skillmonkey.
Might actually make for an interesting story. Sort of a John Watson in a Stephen King novel type of deal. Probably fine as long as we're nowhere near Maine.

>>52970673

Shadowrun, wolf shapeshifter adept with a specialization in long distance running, tracking and stealth skills, the ability to regen from almost any wound in under 18 seconds, and fists capable of punching through 1/2 inch plate steel.

If I'm in imminent danger when he catches up, he'll just run in and kill them all bare handed. If they rape clowns are fucking around and taking their time getting their shit together before the presumed gang rape... Well then he'll have fun picking them off one at a time, chasing them in the darkness, savoring the hunt and ensuring some of the pain they deserve to endure in this life is handed to them before they die.

>>52970673
>dickass lich without any regard for the suffering of others and no sense of right and wrong
I'm fucked brehs.

>>52970673
They all die either from sudden chainsword inflicted wounds or explosions or holy promethium....or a shot gun to the head. At the very least a part of the van will be destroyed by a frak or krak grenade, if not most of it, so I may get fucked up.

but they're screwed, this fucker has a mechanical arm, carapace armor, and a shield to go with his chainsword/ flamer/ combat shotgun.

So yeah, I'll live but badly wounded

>>52970673
I am not sure, but lots of napalm will be involved.
first i get spitroasted, then literally spitroasted

>>52970673
>An extremely angry peasant wielding a club I made just to show off Song of Swords to a friend
Maybe? The clowns probably aren't wearing any armor, might not have weapons, and the peasant is really fucking mad, but there are multiple clowns and only one peasant.

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>>52970673
Are... Are you trying to arouse me? Because you sir have succeeded.

>>52970673
Not only am I fucked, I'll be fucked and burned to death, but so will the clowns.

An Eclipse caste Bureaucromancer Martial Artist who'd honestly prefer the clowns owe him a favor and working more efficiently than worry about a single mortal.
Probably solidly fucked. Maybe I could convince him to help me, but probably not.

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Heavily armed, chromed up Cyberpunk cop. Assuming I don't get hit in the firefight, I'm in good shape.

>>52970673
>half-mad ratman alchemist that only cares about saving his homeland from a plague (by any means necessary)

I think I'll take the STD clown rapists

>>52970673
A muscle wizard who sparkled... not sure. He had the potential to be very destructive, but was easily sidetracked.

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>>52970673

>>52973686
You were playing a JoJo campaign, weren't you? Either that or you were simply following the Armstrong Tradition.

>Han Solo knockoff packing one of the biggest, nastiest blaster pistols in the game and a stun grenade, fresh from pillaging a Sith ruin
Those clowns are fucked. And not in the way they probably want.

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>a fighter pilot

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>>52970673

> last character survived a modern fantasy mystery game by using splatbooks to buy renfair-tier arms and armor
> justified it as "Its monsters. We know the old ways work, don't mess with success"

I think I'm good. Based on how the last session went, this ends with a man in chainmail and mismatched plate armor crashing into the warehouse on a motorcycle, roman gladius drawn

Depending on how many clowns there are, he might be overwhelmed. But I have hope!

>>52973778

I know that feel, bro. My last character is from AdEva,

So my choices are either an 80 meter tall bio-robot that can't do anything but use harsh language without killing me in the process, or a 15 year old boy with no applicable weapons training whose defining character feature is that he insults people constantly whenever he feels uncomfortable to establish dominance.

Please god, let him bring the robot.

>>52970673
>serial rapist clowns have kidnapped you, bound, gagged

Fuckbeans. It's like my uncle taking me camping again, all over.

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>>52970673
>Not all hope is lost, the last character you've played in a tabletop game is attempting to rescue you
KNOCK KNOCK MUHFUGGAHS

>enclave eyebot with a fedora bolted on its head obsessed with robbing banks and extorting 'taxes' from people

Pretty fucked desu

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>>52970673

> A 42 year old fundamentalist Christian, former marine whose spent the past three years fighting a demonic invasion and organizing a mad-max tier crusading militia, equipped with an M1 Garand, a 1911, hunting knife, bible, and crucifix.

Should be interesting, that's for sure.

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>>52970673
I'm gonna be fine

>>52970673
>3.5 Wilder who suspiciously yearns for brains sometimes
>Fires energy beams, can charm person, and can read thoughts
>also tough as shit and strong as an ox even without his psychic powers

I'm good.

>>52970673
>level 7 nature paladin
>out of all his party, is the most dedicated to saving others and helping the helpless
I'm pretty sure I'll be fine.
Even if he gets there too late, he can at least cure any STDs

>>52970673

> Schizophrenic crackhead with a tire iron.

I'm not too optimistic about my chances here.

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>>52970673
>Level 15 Barbarian

Every living thing between him and that warehouse is so fucked.

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A low level wizard with a paladin complex and a 5ft move speed.

He'd sure as hell try but no way he's getting there in time.

A high Humanity ditzy but goodhearted Brujah with Int 1. If she can find me I'm saved.

>>52970673
>Slaaneshi Sorceror
...Fuck.

>ultra-serious and stoic Mongolian survivalist drop shocktrooper with maxed Kinetic Weapons and a 30 in deceptions

think i'm good

>>52970673
>A 5e Half-Orc bard with a Dancing Sword who put all of his spell slots into the "Character Action Game" branch of magic.

Oh dear.

Well lets see, I'm being rescued by a Rigger with access to both a number of spy drones and what essentially amounts to a death bus. If I'm lucky my character would have definitely gotten his roommate to go with him, which was another PC that was playing an Adept. If that happens every single clown will be dead and I'll be home before tea time.

If it doesn't happen, they'll also be dead but it's more of a "no survivors" kinda deal.

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>>52977648

Indeed...

>Knowledge Level 4 Cleric who is high in Strength

I'm good man.

>>52970673
>8th level fighter cranked for armor with access to a mystical horse.
Chances are 70% ok.

> 23 year old kindhearted, somewhat naive, very well read Seeress who actually has no supernatural powers.

...Can she bring her bodyguard knight?

>>52970673
>Pyromaniacal Jawa

Uttini Ackbar

>Tfw Forever DM

>>52970673
>nwod promethean frankenstein specced to break shit good
all depends on whether they get there in time

>>52977943
Your last major recurring character then.

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>>52970673
The last character I played was a samurai, so I have a pretty good chance to keep all my virginities in-tact.

>>52977648
>Slaaneshi Sorceror
Shit, the clowns will invite him along to film it.

>>52970673
Level 7 half-orc fighter with a tendency of defeating enemies by pinning them to walls with anything really, but favorably tridents.
That's going to be bloody

>>52970673
Huh. It was a homebrew game system. But the character in question was essentially a hyper ninja who could shroud himself in darkness, turn invisible, phase through solid objects, magically pick locks, and shroud his blades in shadow to cause horrific amounts of damage on a sneak attack.

The rescue goes one of two ways.
1) Myth takes out the clowns one by one. No noise, just turning around to find another clown that's been converted into a corpse.
2) A loud noise is heard, the clowns go to investigate. When they return i'm gone, and they all have kick-me signs on their backs.

Either way on the way home he cracks a joke that falls completely flat then probably vanishes into shadows not to be seen again until dinner time.

>>52970673
Survivalist with a few mutant powers from a post-apocalyptic world. She's never been particular comfortable in what amounts to civilization in her world, and would be absolute rubbish at navigating the social and legal aspects of our society, but she's calm, calculated, skilled in combat, and fucking indomitable, so if she has to do modern-day detective work to find out where the clowns took me, I'm fucked, but if she can just torture somebody or track us through the wilderness or something, the clowns could be in trouble when she goes all hidden sniper on them. There is a question of how committed she is to freeing me though. She's very pragmatic, and if the odds are too high, she'll just walk away. Unless she's in love with me, that is. If she's in love with me, she will be absolutely relentless. She will rain hell down upon the people who threaten me and will not stop as long as she draws breath.

>>52970673

> A fucking vigilante Clown with a machete and molotovs.

I don't know. It should be hilarious, either way.

Probably quite fucked. My Eclipse Phase character is an ex-Spetsnaz turned Ultimate. Not that he would fail in slaughtering the clowns, just that I'm probably acceptable civilian casualties.

>android doctor following Asimov's Laws
He knocks on the door and politely asks whoever answers if they're human.
When they answer yes, he sighs in resignation and attempts to push past them very carefully without causing harm.
He is then raped to death by clowns because lol d4 Strength.

>>52970673
My character was a STD riddled serial rapist clown. Things do not look good for me.

>>52970673

> Drug-addled CN /k/ommando with obligatory mosin nagant and drunkeness.

It depends on how accurate his shots are.

>>52970673
>Weyland Yutani Colonial Space Marine SpecOps Gunnery Sargent of Questionable Moral Fiber

Pretty much a coin toss whether he cares or not. I'll be praying for the slim hope that smart gunning a gang of clowns is on his Bucket List somewhere.

>>52981933
Are the molotovs disguised as custard pies?

>>52970673
I'm pretty sure the last table-top game I played was Inquisitor (the old G.W. specialist game), in high school.

So, I guess my horrible Gary-stu inquisitor will rescue me?

>>52970673
>Literally Satan
I think she's got this.

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>>52984989

You know it!

>>52970673
Neutral evil (true neutral leaning, "too lazy for morality" style) level 12 wizard. Powerful enough, though I'm not sure she'd care at all.

>>52972500
OP did say the character is attempting to save you. So maybe he would do unspeakable things to save you, but he would be trying, for whatever unfathomable reason.

>>52970673
I might get almost exploded, but I'll be fine.

Level 10+ Yuan-Ti Pureblood Wild magic sorcerer, that survived the Tomb of Horrors. That specialized in AoE spells.

I'm probably going to die. Friendly Fire isn't friendly.

>>52970673
For the last four years, I've been playing a wizard who has slowly made the laws of physics his bitch. But, of course, on Saturday, we played a one off where we were stupid goblins. So I'm fucked.

>>52970673

> Pacifist stoner with navigation skills

I'm screwed

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>>52970673
A New Orleans cop, who is a stand user, and his lobster and it's stand Rock Lobster
I think I might be OK

>>52970673
I can immolate the surrounding 50m area at will with an attack that kills people down to their soul. I think I'm okay.

>>52970673
>Dawn Caste Solar who's Supernal is Melee. He has also invested in a few athletics charms that let him jump super far.

I think I'm gonna be Ay Okay

>>52970673
20 strength lvl 4 fighter with a cool ass longsword and muscles that make the rock embarrassed. I'll be fine.

>>52970673
>Sister of Battle in full Power Armor with a compliment of grenades and a Bolter
>Meanwhile I live in North Carolina

They better hope their van is fucking fast.

>mid-ranking member of a gang of cheese smugglers in not-Venice

Completely fucked

>Blue Mage
>Spells include spitting acid, explosive magic bolts, some healing, area effect spells.
>Has Holy spell for REASONS
>Speaks directly to a god.
>Has psychotic hatred of rapists.
>Has killed demons, plural.
>Wilderness skills include tracking

Doesn't matter if the clowns are mundane or magical. They're going to die horribly.

>>52978090
A bartender from beyond the boundaries of time and space, with a soft spot for ghouls and semi-vampires and other pathetic underdogs. The body my players interact with is actually a meat shadow cast by his shadow, which is bound to the drinks cabinet.

Shit, I guess he can park his negabar on top of the clowns? I'm probably boned unless I can find my way to a door he can enchant.

>Cigar smoking Halfling with a love of slinging bombs and acid.
>Started campaign by slinging a bomb at fairly harmless small group of young ruffians.

Well, I'm probably collateral damage, but at least the clowns are dead.

>>52970673
A high level "fuck with your encounter" wizard, tons of enchantment, decent mobility, next to no damage. If the clowns are smart/are in more in than like 2 or 3 groups spaced out a decent amount, I'm fucked. His job was super support/disabler.

>>52970673
>Soviet Skeleton with a wrench
>it's a pretty heavy wrench

It'll be an interesting battle to watch.

>>52996207
Skeletons are the best player race.

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>>52970673
>18th Level feral barbarian
Well at least I know those clown bastards are dead too.

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>>52970673
Pretty fucked...

My last character is pic related: I think I would rather have a rabid bear show up to save me than this guy.

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>>52970673
>Thinly veiled guts rip off
I think I'm okay

A level 10 Dread Necromancer with a sizable amount of undead. I should be fine so far as the clowns go, but there's no guarantee I'll survive.

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>>52970673
>World of Darkness Hunter
>Half crazed mechanic that lives in a semi truck turned workshop that spends his days making murder gadgets that would make an ork mekboy proud
>overprepares for everything
>No such thing as too much gun
at least I won't get raped, you can't rape bloody giblets

>Highly skilled Y-wing pilot who was good enough to fly with Blue Squadron from time to time
If he's near his ship, I'm fine. Otherwise, it's not in my favour.

>>52970673
>LvL 15 fighter Pathfinder
>Weakness for showboaty heroism
>Intensely creeped out by clowns
>Responds to being creeped out by CLEAVE and SMITEing everything in his way

I'm good

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A rouge trader with cruiser and roughly 76000 crew on broad half of which are armsmen , and his trusty band of murder hobo friends, yep pretty good so long as he dosent think saving me isn't worth his time.....

>>52974360
You dont reload with your trigger hand. Fuck. And you pull the fucking bolt far longer.

>>52997801
I found the /k/ommando.

> A violently inclined delinquent speedster.
Depends entirely on how apathetic he feels towards me personally. I'd wager he'd be capable of freeing me, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

>>52970673
Morwenna Cynwrig, the Half-Elf Paladin of van grande dedicated to purging evil with the gusto of the finest Imperial Inquisitor.
Alternatively, Twilight Sparkle-tail, the Kitsune sorceress who wrongly believed that her magic was powered by friendship. Her favourite strategy was to put "the bad people" in the "friendship hole" for a "time out", by which she meant she would cast 'Create spike pit' under their feet.

The last character I played was a Night Lords raptor, so if I don't get violated by clowns I'll get flayed alive by psycho batman

>Mind-controlling Giovanni vampire
I'm saved but eternally in debt

>>52999295

A fat dumpy 13 year old autistic girl stands no chance.

>>52970673

> An anthropomorphic australian Twinkie with a daisho and cowboy hat I made as a joke GURPS character.

Hmm, I think he/it might bring down 1-2 clowns, but he'd probably be overwhelmed in the end. Darn.

>A Gnome Life Cleric that likes bringing people back to life but in a necromancer sort of way and he looks like Danny Devito and acts like Frank from ASiP.

I don't know how I feel about this

>>52970673

C-can I join the clowns instead?

>>52970673
>Booze hound history student turned semi-competent military officer with some good aim
Hopefully he doesn't get distracted by any unattended alcohol.

>>52970673
>Biology student/amateur monster hunter with zero experience in saving anyone
I'm pretty boned.

>>52970673
I'm on the other side of the ocean. So either we take the ferry and I have months ahead of me, or the van jumps off a cliff.

Anyways
>Riot Control droid.
Gonna be fun.

>>52970673
Level 4 mystic soul knife? I might make it. Maybe he can use his psychic powers to make me forget about all this.

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>>52970673
An ugly Lvl 4 battlerager barbarian. How horrifying it willl be to watch an antisocial dwarf rip and tear through all those clowns. It'll almost be as traumatizing as getting kidnapped.

>epic level monk with a movement speed that roughly evens out to 75mph

I don't think the van makes it two blocks before getting hit by approx 300lb of fist

>>52970673
A level 3 human bard with a circlet of blasting.