Mages Guild: Foreign Exchange Wizard Edition

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I, for one, am offended by how... Accurate your preemptive rebuke is.

My students are terrible people.

>>52937375
>Have all asphyxiated and smell really bad

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>>52937375
Of course. It's time for us to be lectured like we're the only ones killing students.

Guess I'll just tell the department that the "Welcome New Students Arena Death Match" is cancelled then.
>>52937418
I would like to claim responsibility for those, they will make fine additions to the department.

>>52937446
But muh tuna casserole

Shall I get the keg?

>>52937462
I'm sure we can work something out.
>>52937471
Someone is bound to do it, might as well be you.

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>>52937446
So how many does that leave us owing you now?

>Diana also has stacks of scrolls to translate through language barriers.
Hopefully I made enough.

>>52937375
>huff puff
I finally made it on time! Let me just check my scroll here... oh. I'm actually just very late for the last council. In any case...

Just the usual warnings and notices. Alchemists - please don't drop leftovers directly into rivers. Fish don't naturally have that many eyes, and usually stop swimming after they're dead.

If anyone wants news from the far south-western isles, I'd be happy to share a few tales.

>>52937471
Bring it!! The journey was long and I am thirsty. So dry is my throat I wager I could beat you in a contest.

>>52937446
The students will be very, very disappointed, I'm sure.

>>52937548
I don't recall you, specifically, owing me anything. So am I right to assume you're talking about Adam's debt?
>>52937558
Hmm... only warnings for the alchemists? I suppose things must have been quiet lately.
>>52937578
Yes, devastated.

I suppose we'll have to plan a new event. What do you say about pitting the low grade zombies at each other? We would get rid of the low grade materials, and keep morale up.

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Does that include various acts of disembodiment?

>>52937683
I would assume so.

>>52937675
We are married, so...

>>52937683
>Diana cringes.
I would certainly hope so!

>>52937675
I'm sure it'll be fun.

Though I doubt the students will be mollified.

>>52937725

Even the volunteers?

>>52937726

It's not like I go around popping people out of their bodies on a whim, you know. There are enough ghosts around here as is.

>>52937726
I suppose that's true, but keep in mind that I won't hold you responsible for the debt. Shouldering part of it is your choice.

As for how much, I have the numbers in my office, not on my person.
>>52937738
Well unless you have a better idea then it will have to do.

How are the classes going?
>>52937763
Volunteers are always free game, as long as they are informed of the consequences of volunteering.

>>52937675
Well...
>Unrolls a scroll. It rolls along the floor, and continues to roll for some time

These are the documented complaints that the various whiney tree huggers have. "Alchemists" covers about half of it. Most magic doesn't stick around quite like alchemy does. It's easy to deal with a cursed suit of armory galloping around the woods, compared to aforementioned unforeseen consequences of leftover reagents mixing. If you really need specifics, I can tack down the top five which - aren't - Alchemist related.

On the note of students, I've been.. elected... to chug all damn way here to debate - once again - the position of the Guild on the various druidic sects. Not that I give a hoot one way or the other, you won't catch me in a dress.

>>52937787

Oh good. Let the, erm, cultural exchange begin, I suppose. What are we exchanging, exactly?

>>52937548
>Stares at her(and more specifically, her hat) very intently. His eyes squinted.
>Speaks.under his breath.

What the hell is it with you people, and these fucking tiny hats...?

>>52937787
Fairly well, all things considered.

Fewer accidental suicides than usual.

>>52937825
...It occurs to me, why haven't druids laid siege to us yet?

>>52937787
Fair enough.

>>52937825
Oh this should be good...

>>52937867
Hey, don't mess with the hat.

>Several carts are magically wheeled into the room. Each one carrying an assortment of pies, and various other kinds of food, followed by a middle age man with bright red hair, and Orange coloured skin.

It has taken me all morning, but I have finally finished preparing tonight's food! Eighty-seven kinds of pies, and a dozen different kinds of world reknown dishes! Take THAT Ridgule's school of culinary magic!

>>52937825
I see. You sound all right, for a druid. Continue.
>>52937855
Students. We send some of ours to the lesser institutions of magic, and they send us some of theirs.
>>52937869
How about "accidents"? Up or down?

>>52937972
...What's that flat one with cheese on the top? I want a slice.

>>52937981
Way down, fortunately.

>>52937869
>>52937981

Because they're a bunch of namby-pamby frollickers for the most part. They're content to just piddle and whine at me about a particular flower was trodden on. I yell the loudest at Council about how we need to get with the times, and they got sick of it. So I was carted up here.

Druids used to be real men. A druid would oversee a forest the size of a city. and make damn sure nothing happened to it. A whole forest! There's too many of us now, so we're stuck with plots the size of a meadow. Thus the never ending whining about the earth-mother, or Gaia, or whoever the hell's vengeance when it gets swallowed by an expanding village.

Where's that ale? I'm in danger of becoming sober at any moment.

>>52937869

Accidental suicide seems like an oxymoron. I always assumed suicide was a product of intent.

>>52937981
Oh. Yes. I suppose that would be enlightening, though I agree that our reputation is harsh. I wonder why they keep sending them.

>>52937972
Fantastic job. Whatever we're paying you, it's not enough.
>>52937993
Ah, interesting. Guess they are finally learning then. At this rate I might not have to repeat the no-kill-week.
>>52938026
Ale? Bah, have something from my stash. It's strong stuff, but you seem like a strong man.
>>52938030
Because while it is a harsh reputation, it is a reputation everyone has heard of.

Few have heard of the Wizard School of West Taroth, everyone has heard of THE Mages Guild.

>>52937993
That is "Flahte O' Coosh"! Made with only the freshest grapes, cream, and a topped with shreded lime skin and cheese!

>He'd kiss his fingers.

I've truely outdone myself this week! AHAHHAHA!!!

>>52938026
I thought the new nature goddess's name started with a V...
>Ponders
Maybe that was just a botanist in Spellbound.

>>52938030
You would be surprised.

>>52938092
Don't write it off quite yet.

>>52938097
Anything spicy?

>>52938092
>Slapping his round belly heartily, Michael partakes in the drink, smacking his lips as a minute amount of smoke dribbles from his ears

This IS a proper drink. My compliments.

>>52938092
You people NEVER pay me enough! I'm forced to sleep inside of the stove to avoid having my feet be eaten by rats that the biomancers have magically enchanted to the size of children!

>>52938126
It's a new one every week, it seems. Druids are getting wrapped up in their Gods, instead of focusing on the damn plants and animals.

>>52938144
Have you tried talking to the rats, and asking them nicely to bugger off?

>He jams a large slice of pie into his mouth, almost sacrilegiously

>>52938126
Hmm... you're right, I'll keep making preparations for it. Any ideas for how I can improve from last year?
>>52938135
You're welcome. It's rare to find a Druid that doesn't make me want to scorch every forest in existence in spite.

What do you do when not trying to talk sense into your fellow druids?
>>52938144
I'm not in charge of funding, but would it help if I got you a skeletal assistant? I assure you, I can make them quite clean, cleaner than the living even.

>>52938126
Indeed we do!

>He'd pull off a tray with what would appear to be slices of pumpkin pie. Albeit, instead of a brown mixture, it would be red and white.

Jalapeno's from the plane of Spicy death, iron from the elemental plane of fire, and for that added flavour... The grounded up tail of a tiefling, all to give you that spicy, next to death flavour that would make even the GODS shit flames!

Would you like a bit off cool whip?

>>52938201
That seems inconvenient.

>>52938206
Maybe...
>Scratches his chin
You don't have another nobility to hand out, do you?

>>52938219
Plane of spicy death?

Maybe no thanks.

>>52938092

That is a fair point, though I must admit my knowledge outside the guild is hazy at best.


>>52938126

Well, you are correct. I am rather surprised, though I feel I shouldn't be.

>>52938201
>He'd remove a glove at the sight of the man's eatting habits!
>He'd then anger use magic to slap him across the face with it, after shoving a stick of butter into it.

HOW DARE YOU! YOU EAT LIKE A CHILD WITHOUT HANDS OR FEET, AND WHO HAS ONLY BEEN EATTING BUTTER ALL HIS LIFE!

>>52938206
NUH! There boney hands will only RUIN my pies!

... But I thank you for the offer.

>>52938243
Yes, the plane of "spicy death"! Where else can you obtain Antruthius death Jalapeno's!? The air there is so spicy, that I lose seven assistant cooks a day trying to get them!

>>52938243
Not at the moment, no. We need to know how the current ones are working out first.
>>52938257
I don't blame you, the Guild is a world in itself after all.
>>52938286
Very well. The offer stands if you change your mind.

>>52938286
>Takes the blow, it leaves an angry red mark on his face for a moment. Then he grins.

Pie is pie, friend, and you don't normally see anything like this down south. I'm not an angry man by nature, and it IS good pie, so I'll let that pass.

>Maintaining eye-contact with the piezard, he slowly shovels another gigantic piece of pie into his maw.

>>52938206
I'm in charge of a couple islands in the deep south-western sea. They're... problematic. Most of the younger lads are too willowy to deal with the grief that comes with them.

I made the slog all the way up here a few years back to get help with a portal that kept puking out demons. I guess I did the job too well, because the Council has stuck me with them. Too much sun, but the ocean is a nice change of pace.

>>52938317
...I have numerous questions I'm hesitant to seek the answers to.

>>52938332
In that case, no ideas.

>>52938348
>Seeing him once again eat his mastwfully crafted pies in such a way. The world reknown Piezard's left eye would twitch in anger, before he begins yelling out in the ancient, and dead language of surrender!

>>52938371
Ask, and you shall receive an answer! As long as it doesn't involve wanting the recipes for my pies!

>>52938332
Saying the guild is a world unto itself is...far greater truth than you know, Lazarus.

>>52938348
Portals puking out demons, you say?

How soon do you need it dealt with?

>>52938420
No, uh, no thanks.

>>52937375
I though we set up a class on comprehend languages and tongues for all new students. Did that not go through?
I still can't believe I didn't figure out about the demonology incident until it was too late but I was more surprised when the the demonology department got away with minimal penalties.

>>52938348
Being in charge is usually troublesome. I hope that portal was taken care of, was it?
>>52938371
Let me know if you come up with anything.
>>52938437
I've been down in the basements and the deep basements, I know all too well how much of a world unto itself our guild is.

Or is there some planar business you believe I'm not aware of?
>>52938476
They deal with demons and devils, most of them are fairly good lawyers.

>>52938398
>Casts an eye left and right, seeing if anyone will bother to intervene with the practically frothing piezard

>>52938437
>>52938498
It was a couple of years back, but I'd appreciate you both looking into it. I'm still running around stomping out portals with Sacred Oak every other month. Startin' to feel like a man running out of fingers to plug a leaking dam with.

>>52938498
True, and we didn't ban all fiends from court proceedings until after the trial.

>>52938498
Considering my position?

I've seen planes that could fit in one of the classrooms. It's so bizarre.

>>52938518
Geez! You should have said something!
I might end up taking care of it tonight. meet me in the archives if you can.

>>52938462
Suit yourself! Maybe you'd prefer a slice Grape Ongo instead?

>>52938498
Don't worry, I will.

>>52938332

Very true. It's quite the spectacle. There's much to explore wandering the walls. Literally, in my case.

>>52938498
Oh yes. Those places are interesting. I'd be curious to see how the living handle the environment.

>>52938518
Hmm... yes. If you could let us know where it is, then we could probably send some students to deal with it. No promises they will succeed of course, but their failure might slow things down at least.
>>52938545
Probably a wise move.
>>52938556
True, true. The necromancy department is bordering on the negative energy plane, we sometimes let it sink into it to keep people out.
>>52938600
Found anything interesting hidden in the walls lately? I know we tend to loose rooms once in a while.

>>52938576
I seem to have lost my appetite.

>>52938556
>>52938644

It's three months back and forth, elsewise I would have - and the Guild isn't always friendly. My apprentice Podrick is back dealing with them now, but the lad is 90 pounds soaking wet. If a demon the size of a cottage is slapping you around, it's best to have a bit of muscle slap back. Try and get a hold of me before the drink does tonight.

Any cannon fodder is welcome. Losing toes, fingers, and limbs is best taken in shifts. I feel like I walkin' jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing.

>>52938660
No promises, I am going to have to get authorization from headqurters but that should be pretty trivial.

And...cannon fodder?
>Diana looks at Michael with almost disdain.

I'll take care of it myself.

>>52938710
That was with regards to the students. I understand that the Guild views them as a bit... disposable? No offense meant.

>>52938660
If there is anything Necromancy is good at, it's providing canon fodder.
>>52938710
So the Riftwardens will take over this then? Here I though I had something for my students to do instead of plotting to kill each other.

>>52938744
None taken. It's a fact in some departments, especially in the Necromancy Department.

>>52938644

Actually, yes. Somewhere between the 3rd and 4th floor, I discovered a small absence of brick and mortar. Further inspection revealed a classroom outside the geometry of the wall, though it was in a state of severe disuse.

>>52937558
Oh, how many eyes and is it resurrection or undeadification?

>>52938744
None taken. That said the necromancy department has quite the glut of students.

>>52938747
That's my plan unless Michael has objections.

>>52938779
Hmm... Interesting. Any clues for what was taught in there?
>>52938801
A pity.

>>52938747
>Micheal plays with one of the many frayed edges of a very worn brown tunic

Necromancy department, huh? Well... we might need you after all. I'd like t' take care of the portals are dealt with. As I said, the isles are... problematic. Fair is fair, I've been run ragged dealing with 'em. One thing at a time...

>>52938801
Best I can usually do is plonk some Sacred Oak down, and hope the Gods keep them going long enough for me to rotate to the next. They soak up the corruption, but it burns them right out after a year or two. Closing them, or better figurin' why it's such a hotspot would be better. Anything you can do would be helpful.

>>52938788
Too many, and I'm not quite sure what the difference is.

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>>52938809
Oh, you have some cannon fodder you were looking to offload?

>>52938851
My plan's to rough up any demons that are lurking, then shut down the portal.

>Diana adjusts her hands as her outfit seems to shift to flowing armor.
I'm a far cry from an innocent waif.

>>52938851
Yes, the Necromancy Department. I'm fairly certain the Riftwardens can deal with the portals themselves, but I take it there are several demons that have already come through that you could use our help beating. For that, I'm more than willing to lend some students.
>>52938902
Always. There is no better way to deal with troublesome students, than to make use of them. If they are capable then they come back, but only after having dealt with whatever they were sent to deal with. And if they don't... well then they aren't my problem anymore.

>>52938851
How many I asked for a quantity, and are they decaying?

>>52938902
>>52938924

If you have a taste for fighting demons, then be wary - you may never want to leave my isles. If there's one thing I can safely say about my pair of beautiful scenic bastards, we have a surplus of demons.

>>52938989
Er, it varies. I've seen fish with too many eyes, no eyes, fish that aren't fish, fish that are growing, fish that are decaying. It's why Alchemy is rough on the water, everything gets sloughed together and you can't predict the outcome. Ditto if it gets kicked up into the weather.

>>52939029
That bad? Sounds like I got a location to send students to for a long time then.
>gets up
I'll have to go make preparations at once.
>quickly heads down bellow

>>52939029
I have a taste for eradicating unsanctioned interplanar portals. If the demon issue is expansive enough then I may subcontract some of it to the Fighter's Guild.

>>52938924
That does make sense. Perhaps I won't have to ask for as much monetary compensation after all.

Hello, yes? It was said to me that this is where I should be to exchange my studenting?

>>52939029
Decaying, amount of eyes varying wildly. Couldn't have been me.

>>52938809

It was fairly vacant, sadly, though I did find a scrap of notes. From what I could make up, I think it was a clever use of a teleportations class. Perhaps miss Allard would have better info.

>she produces an old scrap of paper with hastily scrawled text

>>52938902

Are you aware of a classroom roughly between the 3rd and 4th floor in the east wing that is largely outside the standard geometry of the building?

>hands her the paper

>>52939094
...I think so. What brand of magic are you looking into?

>>52939106
>Diana looks at the sheet curiously.

I can't say I have. This is quite interesting.

>>52937375
People, please. I know we have a bad track record with these things, but I have a few questions. First, do we have a party for the newcomers? Because I have a good deal of new recipes to test, and exchange students, lik interns, make great test subjects.

Secondly, are any looking for apprenticeship opportunities? I need someone to help me, now that my thieving familiar has gone into witness protection. I told that stupid ape not to get involved with the orcish mob, but would he listen? I need help in these cellars, especially now. I've got a magic-eating fungus problem I'm dealing with here, and nobody else has the balls to help, and risk contamination.

>>52939145
>it looks to be an old page of notes on teleportation magic

As you've said, the guild is a world in itself. I admit that I have made an office for myself within the walls. I do not recommend the living visit unless air is no concern for survival.

>>52937375
How was I supposed to know that a the wacky arm waving and leg jostling of skeletons in my binary counter contraption would be interpreted as a mockery of one of a sacred dance from one of exchange students' more esoteric cultures. Can you hardly blame me for defending myself when the kid's so called friend came rushing at me, fireballs in hand, screaming "cultural appropriation!" It's not my fault that the only other skeletons I had racial slurs scrawled on their bones by the diviners for their bizarre auguries, our department has had funding cuts and all we get are hand-me-downs. Cut us some slack man.

>>52939258
Good to know.

>>52939179
Not that I know of, but I'm not in charge of things like that.

>>52939145

My knowledge is none! It was said to me many times by teacher that knowing more about magic is making it much harder to do ours, but also I want to know how other magic works.

>>52939277
At least I know I'm not the only one with trouble finding hep around here. Good help, I mean.

>>52939283
Well, we need to have a party. It's just proper. No way around it. If the students are already here, we can delay and make a proper event out of it. Maybe a ball. Are balls still in fashion? If they are, I'm going to need to grab the good wine. What little hasn't been stolen, that is.

>>52939332
What kind of magic is it that you do?

>>52939376
I keep some of the best stuff in a secret place for aging and storage, the cellar is far too accessible and easy to take stuff from.

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Sorry I'm late! Something came up in the department, one thing led to another, and...yeah.

So, what's up?

>>52939423

Not knowing! I am proud Agnostimancer practicer! Less people understand, more we can do with it. Teacher is master of not knowing anything!

>>52939500

Cultural exchange.

The Necromancer a aren't allowed to do things to the newcomers.

>>52939643
>wow. Botched that one.

>>52939598
Ah, so like nobles?

>>52939643
>>52939657
Well that's just good practice, the necromancy students can be...difficult.

>>52939712

Yes, indeed, though ambition comes with the territory, I suppose. I sometimes wonder if I was like that in my early years as a student.

>>52939760
Hard to say.

>>52939598
So it's magic about nothing?

How peculiar.

>>52939689
Mort, ye have no idea. It's like they exist just to get in the way.
>>52939487
I don't really have that option. It's the only place big enough for my equipment that isn't already taken, and much of it was carved out by my brother, Darius, so it has a certain Dwarfy feel to it.

Speaking of my brother, we aren't allowing the Chronomancers access to the new students, are we? If the Necromancers aren't allowed, they should probably be barred as well.
I'm not holding a grudge, I'm just being cautious is all.

>>52939768

Yes, I don't remember much from that time, though statistics for being a model necromancy student are not on my side, if there is such a thing.

>>52939782
You could always add some wards though.
No, chronomancy is on a "fixing only" basis and thus cannot accept new students at this time.

>>52939782
I don't think the chronomancers have registered a new student in some time.

Then again, they're chronomancers, so it's hard to say.

>>52939824
I somehow doubt there is such a thing.

>>52939852
Never trust a chronomancer, they might not have registered a new student this year because they keep registering them in the previous year to avoid documentation.

>>52939880
...That's a very wise point, Archwizard.

>>52939689
I am being told many time nobles make good Agnostimancer.

>>52939768
Not nothing! It is... How am I explaining? People long ago not knowing fire cannot start underwater yes? So ancient Agnostimancer can take rock and wood and start fire below water because no one knows he cannot. Or if he is very good, because HE does not know.

>>52939923
...

I wonder. What would you say if I offered to teach you a bit of magic that sounds...somewhat similar to what you do, but at the same time different?

>>52939972

That sounds like the ideal exchange of studentry!

>>52940160
Right then.

So out here isn't going to be the best place for an in depth lesson, the archives will have proper facilities. But I can at least give you a demonstration.

>Diana takes out a small stick in one hand and conjures a black orb in her other.
By taking that which does not exist and weaving it through our world, you accomplish an absence. An erasure of being.

>She puts the stick about halfway into the orb before pulling it out, any part that touched the orb now gone.

The spellcraft of Oblivion.

If warlock dabble in dragon blood/Patreon, would he be considered a Sorcerer or is it just an excuse to have a dragon bloodline Sorcerer child.

>>52940231

Curious, curious. And this is the things that don't exist in the world? Or things that cannot exist?

>>52940565
This is the unweaving of the world. Making things that do exist...not.

As I said, here isn't the best place for a good lesson, and it's a rather difficult branch of magic to comprehend. But after I get done with things tomorrow, I may be able to start.

when this thread dies we move to archived.moe to keep playing without flooding this board with threads. Feel free to join us!

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>>52940625
>Pokes her head in
Are you trying to spook people with your nonsense magic again?

>>52940625

That is similar to my magic, actually. Well, the theory is. Anyone can separate the body from the spirit, but bringing the body in line with the spirit is something else entirely. You bring nothingness to somethingness, and I bring the physical to the immaterial.

>>52941003
It's not nonsense! It's just...okay it doesn't always make sense all the time, but it follows consistent rules.

>>52941035
In my experience dear, that is merely a matter of opinion.
I find that the spirit is an expression of the body, at the same time, the body is an expression of the spirit.
A tangled mess of infinitely recursive symbioticism.
Change one, the other has to follow. Unless separated.

>>52941072
...My sewing magic follows consistent rules. Your magic is just whatever you can slap 'nothingness' in front of.

You people are confusing me now. Wasn't that just a sphere of annihilation? There's no need to get all philosophical about it. This is why people mostly go to the applied magics departments, you know. It's hard to understand you when everything you say gives me a headache.

At least you aren't as bad as the chronomancers.

>>52941101
...

I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.

>>52941035
Interesting. Perhaps we will need to compare notes at some point.

>>52941175
I'm just saying...
>Shrugs

>>52941189
I know, I know, it can't be helped...

>>52941157
It was...basically that, yes. But they're a lot harder to just generate than you'd think!

>>52941274
>Shrugs

You know where to find me if you want to drink your problems away.

>>52941072

'It doesn't make sense all the time?' If I am being told by you that this magic is not understood, this is perfect for me to study! I will not understand nothing so I can make use of things that don't or will not exist. Is perfect!

My mom freed the fucking succubus.

Help.

>>52941274
I know they aren't. But it might be a little early in the new guys studies to blow his mind just yet.

>>52941307
You'll fit right in.

>>52941334
forgot name

>>52941334
Goddammit weren't you supposed to banish that thing.

>>52941307
Alright then. If you can, meet me tomorrow night in the divination wing. Okay?

>>52941389
Quick, take this wine! It's brewed with holy water! Don't ask why. Drink some yourself now, keep some in your mouth to spit in its face. If in doubt, just throw the whole damn bottle.

I like being useful.

>>52941389
I wanted to fuck it.
>>52941436
Can I piss it in its face, freeze the holy piss in midair, and stab the succubus with it for maximum efficiency

>>52941514
Get. out.

>>52941514
Master says anything resembling sexuality makes succubi more resistant to holy smite. Don't mess around with such a dangerous force.

>>52941436
Thanks. *Drinks*

Master says to ignore the pastel ghosts I keep dreaming out, says they don't have anything to do with my tragic secret past. Anyways, guys, can you help me put out a match? I can figure out how to light one no problem, but I can't put one out without dropping it.

>>52941175

I think that would be very enjoyable, actually.

>>52941094

Quite right. It's mostly a matter of pulling the right strings, so to speak.

>>52941575
help

>>52941681
Alright then. Perhaps one night this week?

In any case, I need to prepare for this...excursion coming up. By your leave, Ellen.

>>52941701
Master says you must go the nearest church, prostrate yourself before the alter, and pray forgiveness from god for your sins. You must lay there for three days and three nights, and a wise old beggar will appear.

Master says you will be given a quest to redeem yourself for your sins.

But he still won't tell me how to put out this match. Master says I must learn that on my own if i desire wisdom.

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Look, I can't promise I won't eat one of those little fuckers if they keep screwing the dragons whenever i have my back turned. For fucks sake man. I've had 2 pregnancies in the past 3 months alone. Either get me a bigger stable or keep those foreign fucks away from the stalls

>>52941780
HURR DURR NAME DIDN'T ERGISTER

>>52941780
Master says you must journey to a mountain twelve leagues west of here. This mountain is half as tall as a cloud, but twice as tall as a hill. You must gather the nuts of a certain tree which grows only at the top of this mountain, until you cannot carry any more.

Return to your dragons, feed them the nuts, and they will grow hot as a furnace and wild as a caged wolverine. Only then will the foreigners be unable to approach your charges for their unnatural pleasures.

>>52941776
Put it in a bigger fire

So the match is consumed and it's technically not lit anymore.

>>52941829
I tried this and master started laughing into his glass of water. The match is still lit.

>>52941827
Ugh, fine. Wings short cut this shit any way dice+1d20

>>52941842
Light the other end

>>52941886
hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

>>52941896
I'm holding the other end. I'm not fireproof you know...

>>52941842
Well, whatever you do, keep that thing away from my stuff. Fire and alcohol don't mix, and magical alcohol just makes things worse. Where is your master, anyhow? I could use some real firepower in clearing that damned fungus from the cellars, and my combat specialty is frost magic.
>>52941896
That might work, actually.

Rolled 4 (1d20)

ROLL DAMN YOU

>>52941908
Wear gloves.

>>52941908
Have you tried simply blowing it out?
Why resort to magic if a simpler solution works.

>>52941936
>4
WELP LOOKS LIKE I MANAGE TO BREAK MY WINGS SOMEHOW AND HAVE TO CLIMB THE DAMN MOUNTAIN

Guys I finally got it. I dipped the match in water and it went out. Water has such wonderous properties!

>>52941917
Master says you must journey to the distant land of wa'lm art. There you shall find the cleanser isle, and shall buy an ancient potion known only as chlorox. Mix this potion into three buckets of water, and your fungus shall shrivel and die like the cursed tree of zipwaa-buing

Master says I have completed the first stage on my training by putting out a match. Now I must learn to speak with the insects in the grass.

>>52941986
>finishes taking notes

Moraddins beard! Chlorox! So the legends are true. I had thought only the oldest of dragons knew where to find it. This is going to be a difficult journey, I can tell. I'll need my finest equipment, my strongest scrolls, all five of my axes. And I'll need someone to keep watch over the cellars. Can't leave that place alone for a minute. Someone who won't steal all of the booze.

....That could take a while.

>>52937375
>wheels in a new coffee cart
Sorry it took so long to get here, but one of the wheels was squeaking

>>52942059
I'll watch the cellars.

I need to get away from my fucking room now.

>>52942059
>>52941334

Master believes you can help one another. Who better to guard a cellar of sinful drink than a creature of sinful acts? Master says you can trade the demon for the souls of those who try to rob your cellar, and when you will return she will give you a single red coin for the tail of a mouse.

That should solve your problem and postpone Elliot's.


Today I have traveled to a meadow in the middle of the slight wood. In the long grass of that meadow, I saw a tiny beetle, and I saw this beetle building himself a tiny house out of rocks and dung.

I said to this beetle "What are you doing? Do you have a wife? Do you have a trade?" and the beetle said to me "I am a carpenter by trade, but I was cursed into the form of a beetle. Please help me break this curse."

How do I break the curse, guys? Master says I can't ask him for help to complete my studies.

>>52942103
Well hello, sir. Do you happen to have a spicy coffee?

>>52942146
I like this idea because I don't want people to find my rape dwarf while I am away.

>>52941747

By all means, don't let me tie you down. I have all the time in the world, more or less. look forward to our meeting, then. Good luck with your excursion.

>>52942146
Alright, I broke my fucking wings but i got the seeds and shit like you told me. Now how do i make this fucking mixture i dont want to fuck it up

>>52942110
>>52942146
Then I am off! Use the freezing mechanism to keep everything cold and the booze oozes docile. The rod of fire is only to be used against the fungi as a stop-gap. If a door says stay out, then for the love of all things, STAY OUT! The sub-basement is for licensed rituals only, and casters must show proper documentation from their department heads or the archwizard. Finally, if a talking Orangutan shows up asking for me, tell him to piss off, I'm done with him.

>Leaves, returns moments later with a massive backpack, leaves behind a set of keys, and runs off into the night

>>52942146
I have regular coffee and decaf. Take your pick

>>52942205
Master says you must feed the seeds to the dragons whole. They will crackle and spit and become properly venomous and dragonlike. They will rage and fill with fell fire, and shall not suffer the attention of mere mortals.

>>52942231
Don't worry sir, I'll keep things safe from Elliots foolishness.

You wouldn't happen to have left a curse-breaker anywhere, would you?

>>52942240
Regular of course. I practically live on caffiene.

>>52941917
Alcohol and alchemy however, mix well and greatly improve alcohol with a surprising lack of explosions.

>>52941407

Absolutely, yes!

I will do my best to not learn from everyone else here in the meantime.

>>52942293
Alright. Seeds fed. Thank god. I'm sick of finding these asshole with their cocks out
>>52942304
Hey. Are you guys working on that elixir i ordered yet? We need to smooth out the dragon transformation process. Half my students go crazy and try to start a fight or curl into a ball from the pain.

>>52942231
k... keep me posted

>Uses the kegs to create a fort and I camp out with the rod of fire, just waiting for those fungi and Succubi to show up

>>52942231
Wait....

w-what booze oozes

>>52942371
Hey, wana become a dragon disciple? Might help you fight off the succubi better. Scales, claws. breath weapon. would help a guy like you

>>52942346
I have made something that works but I need more dragon's blood to create the quantity you desired. Also did you pay me for it yet?

>>52942419
That sounds cool but you should help out Mortimer first.

Rolled 15 + 2 (1d20 + 2)

>>52942371
I doze off under the shady tree outside. I roll for random encounters.

>>52942418
Worry yourself not fellow apprentice, I doubt such an advanced wizard would leave anything dangerous in his house.

>>52942419
Master says one should not seek disciples, but allow one's self to be sought.

>>52942430
Here *throws 500 gold pouch* as for blood wait till my dragons are calm. or we can slit my wrists again for a pint before i need the cleric to stitch me up

>>52942448
working on it son

>>52942455
"Master" is pretty nosy. I am the resident dragonmaster

>>52942499
Excuse me, sir, surprise inspection.

>>52942499
*Feels pouch in hand then looks in bag* yup that seems right. Just give the blood to me when you can. I do have 10 in my bag of holding now, I'll just give them to you.

>>52942455
I encounter a ROVING BANDIT. The bandit needs an 8 on a d8 to hurt me. I need a 6 with a d6 to drive him off with fire.

>>52942579
I'm sure you can trust this upstanding citizen. There's no WAY he's secretly a dragon rustler

Rolled 4 + 1 (1d8 + 1)

>>52942600

Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I was trying to make my tower infinitely tall, but I wound up merely making it loop around back on itself. Took me a really long time to unravel it. Thank magic for time compression bubbles.

roll+1d8

>>52942671
i need to sleep

Rolled 2 (1d8)

>>52942611
alright third times the charm

>>52942579
Uhhh what? Who the fuck are you?

>>52942597
Alright thanks. 10 should do. The female students are acting up. Dragon enhanced period are a bitch man

>>52942732
LOOK OUT!

IT'S ONE OF THE FOREIGNERS IN A FANCY OUTFIT

HE'S GONNA DIDDLE YOUR DRAGON

>>52942711
>>52942687
Uh oh, do you think while we were distracted by that bandit, the demon got up to evil mischief? You go first....

>>52942670
Master says the Riemann zeta function has its zeros only at the negative even integers and complex numbers with real part 12. I don't know what that means.

>>52942732
Hello sir, I am Mr. Norville from the dragon inspectors office. And I am afraid that due to the fact you are proclaimed to keep dragons the state requires that inspections be carried out to prove that they are not held under negligent conditions.
Else you may be fined, arrested, or summarily executed.
Failure to oblige is met with the same consequences.
Thank you for your time, in advance.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>52942772
10+ I find where the demon is

>>52942732
I wish I could say I had a solution to that but if I did, I would be so rich I would rule all of Aen.

>>52942827
I find her location through magical means and she's in the room with a door that says "DO NOT ENTER"

wat do

>>52942832
Master says that is what you get for teaching women men's magic. It is as foolish a thing to teach women men's magic as to teach man women's magic.

>>52942842
Master said the demon was bound to protect this brewery. I don't fancy becoming one of the souls she devours in her guardianship, do you?

>>52942881
You should use pyromancy to seal the hinges just in case

>>52942911
I go outside and I go back to sleep under the tree. Its nice out here. Bird chirp in the rafters.

>>52942935
I seal off my fort, put up a sign that reads "No Girls Allowed" and go to sleep

>>52942969
You are wise beyond your years. No foul temptress can pass your arcane barrier.

So, I missed the beginning of today's meeting. Did we blow up the moon yet?

>>52943024
Morning. I doubt that. It wasn´t on todays agenda I believe. But what do I know? I overslept the meeting.

>>52943024
We came to the agreement that blowing up the moon would be bad because "while it would increase the effectiveness of some magics it would decrease Magic's overall effectiveness".

>>52943070
>>52943145
Well, I'm at a loss for words. I don't attend these meetings often, but whenever I do, we've already blown up the moon

>>52942794
I could beat you to death you know that right? Don't threaten me. make the inspect and fuck off

>>52942832
Don't we all wish we had such magics hehehe

>>52943170
The moon is still intact and we have no plans to destroy it.
>>52943190
No some of us definitely can't be trusted with that level of magic.

>>52943190
I am not threatening, sir, just informing of legislature.
Very well, bring me to your dragon pens, if you please.
>brandishes clipboard, makes note

>>52943397
Yeah, yeah. Fucking Cleric bureaucrats *takes to the drake stalls*

>>52937375
This exchange student process requires a high amount of supervision. Every time we lose a few rare and important books as they are never returned to their proper place. Additionally, I must request it to be made forbidden to prod me, regardless of the form I take for my duties.

>>52937375
Aha just on time. I think. What was tomorrow?

This autism is worse than quests

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>>52946017

>Pokes her head back in
Wow, people are still in here?

>>52947459
I am, at least.

>>52948076
Is nobody here?

Hello? Is there anybody IN here?

>>52950112
>>52950278
>A blonde woman with her hair neatly done up in a bun walks into the meeting hall, adjusting her glasses as she looks at the two.
Heavens, the meeting ended hours ago. Everyone has gone their separate ways.
Would you like me to show you to the archives? That happens to be one of the more popular lounges in the guild.

>>52950321
Yes, I would like that.

>>52950375
Splendid. Follow me, then.
>She walks off down one of the many hallways branching off from the room.
https://archived.moe/rp/last/20/1246/

Oh, everyone's gone... Or I'm late. Heh, the late Psychus Mentallicus...
>Psychus' smile turns to a frown.
Well, better just leave this note here, a demon can't linger on this plane for too long, now can he?
Now where's that volcano everyone was going on about...
>The note reads
>Friends, as much as it has been an honour to spend my time with you all, well... some of you, it has come to my attention that my form is dissipating into nothingness as the demon wishes to go to his home.
>And as it is my oath to destroy the darkness and dispel the shadows of the mind I must exile this foul being back to where it came from.
>Share my department's resources fairly and wisely, from what I've seen in some of you, that will be done with ease.
Nobody minds if I roll up a new character, right?

>>52950612
Definitely not, a lot of people have multiple, including myself. Though, after the thread is dead like this, we migrate to the archives to keep posting without spamming threads in /tg/. Feel free to join us there, I put the link in my last post.

Henlo yes
mien naem is Carlos
How do?

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I welcome all you fine ladies and gents of foreign land !
> I CAST SHAKE !

Now could any of you answer this question of immense magical importance.
How would you rate my muscles with 10 being the highest ?