umbrella corp branch manager

>seep T/G into the local water supply
>poorly document what happens
>???
>Promotions/Total World Saturation!

>>52739125
GIANT
ZOMBIE
SHARKS

Lasers will be separately sold add-on

>>52739125
Hire the best PR manager in the world.

Produce toasters

>>52739125
Cut out the middle man and kill myself BEFORE shiit goes sideways.

>>52739125
design sets of elaborate and convoluted puzzles to access doors, areas and basic functions of the facility.

and put the self destruct button next to the coffee machine

>>52739125
Neck myself because of my abysmal command of the English language. OP is a faggot.

Stop killing our customers.
Also, as a stock holder and a board member, I question the decision to build an expensive mansion, complete with grounds, staff, and side-businesses such as horse breeding, on top of our laboratories.

>>52739125
>BBEG
Ugh.

>>52741319
>Stop killing our customers.

You're never going to make it in this business with that attitude Johnson!

>>52741319
I want profits, not expenditures for fucking mansions covering a fucking side door.

>>52739125
The laser mesh is overpowered. Use that configuration only. No exceptions

I have concerns about working in the same lab that houses these "specimens" that look like that can slice my head off.

>Scrap mindless zombie virus
>Produce big zombies you can control like lickers, Hunter, Nemesis
>Only produce zombie virus where people keep their wits like c-virus
>Probably start selling something instead of sitting on tons of viruses and wasting money
>Never sell to terrorist who just want to fuck shit up, only to dictators and the like


People with money need powerful enforcers or enhance their army. Mindless zombies create chaos but are useless for actual war and can be used against you too easy.

resign

run

>>52742456
>Scrap mindless zombie virus
You could use it as a weapon to take out your enemies in a Racoon Incident kind of way.

>>52742519
That's true but it can spiral out of control really quick and it leads to massive amounts of attraction to you. If the government has to level a whole city they will send a team to investigate. THis lead to Umbrellas downfall after all. Now imagine a terrorist cell getting some and bombing random cities, now someone wants to know where it came from.

A trained Licker or Nemesis could assassinate someone with less buzz.

It's certainly useful for masking who you want to kill with such an attack; but the potential negative results would be to big.

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>Encase zombie heads and shoulders in metal cases
>Extensive PR campaign for public support and student support
>Begin offering scholarships to the brightest of them
>Full support for Communism
>Infiltrate & subvert Government like in several South American /African states
>Proceed to pursue hilarious convoluted research with less than the minimum of safety precautions to ensure continued ability to obtain results

>>52739125
Spend seven hours trying to unlock the bathroom.

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>>52739208
>That spoiler
NOOOOOO!!!! I WANT THEM NOW DADDY!!!!!!!!!!! NNNNOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

More zombies

Dress like a necromancer

>>52742456
You have access to functional cryogenic freezing chambers and man-portable laser weapons of at least comparable power to rocket propelled grenade launchers, in the very least. Sell that shit to the US government as part of a deal to walk away from the company and make bank.

Preferably before leaving, give yourself a nice long cryo-nap with T-Veronica in your body since the universe is a shithole for B.O.W. outbreaks and as far as protection goes "My blood violently combusts upon exposure to foreign substances" seems a good way to avoid things like being Molded / Plagas'd / C-Virus'd / whatever. Plus the virus' physical enhancement package is very arguably on par with Wesker's.

Assuming you can't find a way to do the latter without the BSAA going after your ass, stick with the former.

>>52739125
I switch the lab's efforts toward cloning waifus "For commercial profit."

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>>52742846
>I want

You'll get NOTHING and LIKE it mister.

>>52742925
B-but I'm not Alfred?!

>>52739125
doing the sensible of course, creating my own testing dungeon for biological weapons, with killswitches (for dungeon and weapons) and all.

I would almost suggest to hold bet in which people choose which death engine of the week is the winner, but that would impose an increased risk of sabotage and foul play and i don't want that in my honest company.

>>52743295
Also a good healtcare plan for my workers and reasonable priced insurances for them.
We are not monsters, but create them, after all.

>>52742456
The trend where people cryo-freeze themselves right before death to avoid it?

Exploit the hell out of it, and have your selling point be infecting your patients with T-Veronica before putting them under.

>>52742924
It can and will be weaponized anyway. Mass produce Genetically Engineered Catgirls For Domestic Ownership™, distribute them into enemy territory, wait a generation and then move in your colonists unopposed.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sterile_insect_technique

>>52739125
>Manager of site 2365ZX5 Day 3;
Dear director;
Today one of the underlings thought it was a good idea to 'pet' one of the infected dogs. We have since discovered that the underlings are fucking moronic and all of scientists on level 3 had to be sterilized. I suggest we increase our focus on safety and benign mutations. I cannot stress this enough, as this is third time we've had to wipe a floor since i took over and the scientist are getting concerned.
>Day 9;
Dear director;
Today we captured 3 heavily armed individuals who attempted to break in through the aqueduct. Luckily the infection has spread to the small population of fish the inhabit it, and they deal with the intruders handedly before escaping into the pipes. The downside of which being that the infected fish now occasionally cause minor outbreaks. I officially requesting a work crew to install heavy duty filters throughout the plumbing.
>Day 19;
Dear director;
I am Pleased to announce today marks a full week without an injury too once of our scientists. It also grieves me to announce that Parsons was beaten to death by the 'consultant' you sent.
>Day 35
Dear director;
After witnessing my 5th mutilation today, i must regret to inform you i will be tendering my resignation. Please be advised that i will be following procedure and activating the clean slate protocol. I regret that drink with you every day now.

>>52739125
Sir, i feel we haven't invested enough interest or funds in the occult division.

>>52742594
>THis lead to Umbrellas downfall after all.

Actually it didn't. For all the shit that happened with Umbrella, in the end what did them in was bad stock prices.

>>52742924
Alright alright, sounds good. But how about we make it even better by having said waifu turn berserk after a certain point and kill everyone around them?

So the Nemesis project was expensive but very successful in its implementation. My team has been taking it the next step with the Nemesis 2. It's less stable BUT now it's intelligent enough to say more than just "S.T.A.R.S."

>>52746036
Holy fuck Phill I'm trying to get laid. Can ANYONE around these shitholes think about anything OTHER than how to make everything worse?

Is there are way we could make a medicine that cures you without turning you into a hedious tumor-ridden monster?

>>52746073

Woah everyone look out, the fun police are here! Why don't you just suggest we don't infect our own employees for shits and giggles while you're at it?

>>52746073
Well......how are you on the aubject of parasytes?

>>52743157

Stop putting on your sister's dresses god damn you!

Doesn't oyur financial problems mean we're doing a good job? I don't think zombies can spend money or buy stock so it's only natural our profits would be down.

But if we have no money how will we make more viruses?

WE INFECT A CITY WITH ZOMBIES
THEN WE SEND IN OUR MEN TO KILL THEM AND BECOME HEROES AT THE SAME TIME TESTING ALL OF OUR EQUIPMENT.

>>52746102
In all honesty I've felt that the plaga were superior to the virus' in nearly every way.

>>52746160
Good good, I like it. How about we expand on that idea, and then infect our men, and drop a bomb on them so we can claim credit twice?

Except HUNK of course, we'll keep him around as the fall guy.

>>52739125
Keep on keeping on until either we had a biohazard incident (wherein I would commit seppuku) or after the events of Raccoon City and the inevitable publicity disaster (where I take my stolen millions and retire to a comfortable mid size home in the Bahamas).

>>52746186
Have we ever tried giving Las Plagas to a shark?

Give myself the T-Veronica cryo treatment and leave guidelines to produce as many hunters and nemesis as possible. Also leave instructions improve the stability and loyalty of the T-104 line then rebrand them as super soldiers and convince most world militaries to supply their own soldiers for conversion. Once out of the fridge I spread viruses and unleash hell

>>52739125
immediately stop all BOW-related activity and start cloning corgi puppies.

>>52746238
I didn't realize DARPA was in the room.

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Steal the competition ideas.


>Lolis that can mind control people?thats soo crazy that might work!

>>52746254

You're right. BOW corgis are brilliant, people would never expect them.

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>>52746238
I'd assume it would look similar to this (yes I know this was made with the C-virus)

>>52746266
But why not mind control the lolis instead?

Well I'm just an intern here but might I suggest stopping the production of deadly viruses?

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>>52746290

>>52746290
This intern might be onto something. We need to stop making the deadly viruses. Then we can redirect funds into the deadlier viruses program. We might even be able to start the deadliest virus program now.

I see a bright future for you here lad!

>>52739125
Make a completely normal lab with sensible pass codes, normal fucking keys, and not a single bizarre puzzle in sight. Hire normal ass security guards, make a nice clear map with a normal layout, and hire regular joes for security. The more "I have a family and took this job to get my kid to college" the better. Research some boring ass thing like a cure to male pattern baldness.

Then I put cryptic hints of some sort of thing going "wrong" in all the databases, randomly citing some "project butterfly". It is referring to the cure for male pattern baldness.

Then I laugh evilly as the protagonist goes insane with paranoia expecting the other shoe to fall at any second. And when he breaks into the room and is about to kill me, all I'll say

>You're too late! IT'S ALREADY DONE! KILL ME NOW BUT I'VE ALREADY WON AND YOU"LL NEVER STOP IT IN TIME AHAHAHA

>>52746309
GUYS

WAIT A MINUTE

A VIRUS SO NOT DEADLY THAT IT LOOPS AROUND TO BEING DEADLY

>>52746284
Hmmm...put a loli mind controling another loli...make the mind controled loli control the loli that is mind controling her...hmmm.

Alright Bruce you are promoted.

>>52746329
Score one for the fetish division! For science!

>>52746325
WAIT

WAIT WAIT WIAT

WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING? VIRUSES ONLY KILL LIVING THINGS.

WE NEED SOMETHING TO KILL EVERYTHING, EVEN NON LIVING THINGS.

GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD!!! THE BLACK HOLE DEVICE!

>>52746325
WAIT

A VIRUS THAT HEALS SO GOOD THAT IT KILLS

>>52746348

But that's not a virus. We're in the virus business, not the black hole business.

Now go work on a black hole virus and stop wasting funds.

>>52746360
DUDE THAT'S CANCER

WAIT


HOLY FUCK THE TIME TRAVEL VIRUS WORKED

Gentlemen.
A virus that turns people...
INTO ANIME!

>>52746447
Yes, and it needs to play https://youtu.be/A6L_WbYGQ1I whenever the infected do something manly!

im a shitty writer but i'm trying
>Day45:
Dear director;
We have completed the first successful test of the new virus strain samples you sent us. They are quite effective at regenerating lost flesh, and the effect seems to increase the longer they are infected. I believe that, with time, we will be able to control it and achieve effective immortality.
>Day31;
We have successfully completed focusing the new strains healing prowess. It is incredible, the rate at which an individual can heal is ASTOUNDING. They do see to me taking on mass though, will have to figure out if that'll be a problem, but so far, we are excited.
>Day47;
Dear director
The size of the sample you provided continues to grow more dense, exponentially at times, as a result we have halted all attempts to change the virus's structure at this time, and are awaiting advice on containment and control. Should it reach sufficient mass, we will be forced sterilize.
>Day 37
Dear director
The mass of the virus itself is now visible to the naked eye. Those infected are experiencing moments of de ja vu at an abnormal rate. There is concern that the virus will mutate and become violent, but it's showing no signs of doing so.
>Day 50;
Dear director;
I have not heard from you for many days now, ever since we received that sample, and i am concerned for our safety at this facility. The sample ate a member of our staff. I fear for our safety.
>Day 39:
Dear director;
It became violent. Those infect started screaming about visions of blood and flesh over growing and consuming the world. One subject imploded and became a mass of pulsating goo. Another just keeps growing and becoming more dense.
>Day 51
Dear director;
The mass itself is preventing our escape. it's in the walls. The pipes. i fear i too am infected. I've been seeing... something i cannot explain, myself weeks ago, working on this exact project, but with a different outcome. I am concern that the sample is 4 dimensional in nature.

>>52746826
>4-dimensional in nature
thats pretty fuckin rad

>>52746826
>The mass itself is preventing our escape. it's in the walls. The pipes. i fear i too am infected. I've been seeing... something i cannot explain, myself weeks ago, working on this exact project, but with a different outcome. I am concern that the sample is 4 dimensional in nature.
Day 60: Do you think we could sell this under the guise of child vitamins?

>>52747218
I ran out of space and got roped into work, but the ending was supposed to have it BE the director. Or something, i'm pretty fucking high.

like the days were supposed to hint that it's just a fucking loop and will eat the universe eventually.

but i'm really fucking high.

Remember our company logo, "We plan to kill everyone and we're proud of that"

Put lead in the water supply, ruin education, fund politicians who encourage warmongering and corruption... wait.

>>52748926
Witnessed

>>52746266
Fuck off Alma, stay in your own game.

>>52741433
underrated post

Turn parking garages into a greenhouse so my employees stay healthy.

>>52746826
That's pretty great anon, love the idea. At first I genuinely thought you had messed up the order of days by accident.

>>52739125
Start investing in robotics and AI, and firstly develop some exoskeleton suit for the guards.
That done, work with t/c virus to create powerful bodies, sans the brain, and network it with a cibernetic brain of sorts, creating a biomechanical zombie run by a very logical AI.
The biggest baddest creature would probably be something like a fully mechanical mech-like chassis covered in infected tissue, networked with the machine brain.

Now, just sit back and wait for the AI to go rogue.

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>>52742924
Combine this with the bioweapons program and market them for home defense.

>>52749526
I actually might make a short story out of it because I wrote so little.

It's going to be a bitch to make it work, but it'll be fun.

But thank you. I'm shy about showing writing to people so having positive feedback (or any for that matter....) Is nice and appreciated

faggot op here just dropping by to see how thread is growing.expected zombie waifu,got business ideas instead.may check again

>>52742903
>You have access to functional cryogenic freezing chambers and man-portable laser weapons of at least comparable power to rocket propelled grenade launchers, in the very least. Sell that shit to the US government
How do you think Umbrella pays for all the zombie labs?

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>>52751344
Well, I mean, if it's Waifus you want…
>Hunters are noted for their reliability and intelligence. They can differentiate between acceptable and unacceptable targets (see: Their infrequent as security inside B.O.W. labs, the Hunter(s) Wesker releases in Code Veronica not turning on him immediately), are remarked as quite capable and effective at following orders, etcetera.
>Also they're technically human, genetically, with the T-Virus mostly acting like glue to combine some unspecified reptilian genetics. So in theory it might be possible to have kids with one, if that's your thing.
>Except Hunter Gamma, who are not humans w/ unspecified reptilian traits but an unspecified reptilian w/ human traits. Yet somehow, bizarrely, more intelligent and better capable of following orders.
>Also as an amphibian the note of increased fertility probably applies.

>>52749630
This was such a sweet story, amidst all the weird shit that the artist draws.

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>>52751494
>T-Veronica virus is extremely stable… provided you give it time to integrate. Mental faculties fully preserved in 2/2 successfully integrated examples, physical humanity (at least temporarily) preserved in 2/2 as well, at least two cases of partial mental preservation in unsuccessful integrations.
>Waifu gets stronk. Within moments of awakening after full integration, they're physically comparable / superior to Wesker months after the application of his unknown virus.
>Human base, so again chance to be Daddy = Go (if that's your thing)
>Nothing preventing the two you from infecting yourselves together and going on ice to wake up as partners in crime

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>>52751566
>Nearly forgot, there's plant control too
>So tentacles, lots and lots of tentacles.

>>52746126
NO! IT MAKES ME FEEL PRETTY!

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>>52751584
>t+G Virus in its pure form is noted for effectively giving its host the full Tyrant package, but without the physical or mental deterioration of its lump parts. It also grants them bio-electric capabilities.
>It also, in the one case we see, either turns them into a woman or in the least gives them distinctly feminine features.
>Lots of fun times to be had with electro-stimulation.
>Just don't let anyone take a railgun to your waifu.
>Seriously, don't: It'll destabilize the balance and turn them into a pulsating blob of flesh with no higher thought function

>>52751699
I think this is it of the things Umbrella had (canonically, meaning not forcing you to bust your ass and do some labor of your own) that would make good B.O.Waifu material. Unfortunately Lickers don't have any intelligent specimens, barring the ones in a CGI movie that used Plagas (which weren't discovered outside Los Illuminados) as a control collar of sorts.

>>52751414
They haven't released their man-portable laser / rail weapons, nor their cryogenic technology.

What they have released is literal med-spray and various pharmaceutical supplements that are said to have revolutionized the field.

>>52739125
Become the manager of the foods and beverages section

>>52751972
Most evil thing here.

>>52751516
What is it, reverse image search gets nothing.

>>52752078
http://sidonia-no-kishi.wikia.com/wiki/Tsumugi_Shiraui

Maybe we should announce a merger with weyland-yutani?

>>52752311
Can the yautja species become affected by T-virus? What about las plagas? Would they get two crab jaws or just enhance the one? So many questions.

in the RE games some of the labs are on islands,in jungles or beneath cities.i like islands because isolated.what are your choices and why pick it?

>>52752751
California because it's close to silicon valley and no one will notice a zombie outbreak if it happens in San Francisco.

>>52752540
I would assume that Yautja could be infected by the T-Virus, since there's almost no living species shown to be immune to it. It infects plants, arthropods, amphibians, avians, annelids, chondrichthyes… basically everything native to Earth. That said Yautja are from another planet so it's theoretically possible their lack of a common ancestor (taken to the most abstract level even Earth's plants and animals shared a common cellular ancestor at one point) could provide them immunity.

That said, what sort of effect it'd have on Yautja is a mystery as the T-Virus has radically varying effects even among Hominidae (Exterminators are granted with increased strength and intelligence and fail to become undead, for example, while humans turn into mindless zombies barring the rare exception of Tyrant-compatibles). You could get Yautja +1, Yautja with hyper charged metabolisms, Yautja zombies, Giant Yautja, hyper-fertile Yautja, Yautja with bio-electrical powers, Licker Yautja, Yautja Tyrants, Yautja but with odd colorations, mere Yautja carriers, or so-on (all things the T-Virus has been shown to do to afflicted hosts).

Dude have any of you seen my family ring? I need it to unlock the bathroom.

>>52739125

Periodical Psychological Evaluation for all my employees

We would work on Cures or Vaccines for the various viruses we've made which would be sold for a high price and PR and made accessible for employees in case of Outbreak

Security would be heavily armed with automatic weapons and body armor with grenades and RPGs in the armory to be broken out with and as needed

>>52746070
what if we gave the waifu's serrated vaginas.

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>>52753071
Dude, have forgotten already? It is in the outhouse' living room,behind the fireplace. Just watch out tho, the big cheese decided to move some of their experiements over there.

>>52742456
>Produce big zombies you can control like lickers, Hunter, Nemesis

Funnily enough, this is exactly the plot of the next CGI-movie that is coming out this this year, with the villain using a new virus that allow zombies to differentiate between friend and foe called the TRIGGER-Virus.

This is what I kinda like about RE. While the premise is usual ridiculous bullshit, reality often comes back to bite the villains in the ass.

>built your labs in the middle of places begging to let an outbreak occur, which even their underlings notice
>turns out the founders are genocidal twats obsessed with ruling over a new mankind as immortal overlords

>big fat monster keeps regenerating over and over
>receives so much damage over the cause of the game that in the end, it's final form is a literal mountain of sentient cancer

What if we sell the virus to our employees and have them sell it to the public?

Make a game out of the danger vs security balance. Just how low security can I get away with for these apocalyptic super-viruses?

>>52753199
And that's when we secretly infect everyone, right?

>>52753407

A pyramid scheme is a little too evil even for us.

>>52749630
10/10 would purchase.

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>>52753334
RE0 was pretty interesting in that it was one of the few RE games wherein the final boss was not someone getting their comeuppance but an adored B.O.W. seeking revenge on the murder of their creator. On which note, forgot one for >>52751699

>Leeches reacted quite favorably to T-Virus, growing not only in size and appetite (and reproductive rate) but also in intelligence and sociality.
>The 'Queen' Leech, upon devouring a fresh body's hippocampus, absorbed its owner's memories and aspects of their personality into itself.
>As well as an ability to mimic them in their physical prime, even if they'd never seen it.
>Want to join your B.O.Waifu in bringing the downfall of Umbrella?

>Dear esteemed Regional Branch Manager/s,
>Recent stock....fluctuations, have prompted us to reevaluate our company guidelines.
>Please read over the accompanying data packet and amend your franchise accordingly, we also suggest you go over it with your employees.
>We the members of the Board understand some of your...apprehension to the changes and ask that all complaints be filled to the accompanying fax.
-The Umbrella Corporation Board of Directors

Let's just make Tyrants in trechcoats. The last 2 times we did it they carried out their mission perfectly before someone from STARS killed them.

>>52742800
This is the most advanced strain of mental retardation made yet.

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>>52753603
Pretty much this. Hell, this is in fact something that is aknowledged in canon to some degree.

>95% of products are shit on the conventional battlefield
>only Hunters are pretty decent as standart products. Can be controlled and deadly in 1-1 situations, but only worth as attack dogs or guerilla weapons
>Tyrants are the only things worth a damn, racking up decent kills.
>shit in combat involving tanks and aerial support, and go out of control without lead-lined trenchcoats locking them in their forms

This leaves them with two uses: 1) the way Umbrella Chronicles justified the Mr. X, as glorified bodyguards (Umbrella was actually trying to make them usable even in public prior to their downfall).

Or 2) pic related, slap some metal plates and rocket launchers on it and call it a day.

Of note is, that the virus/plagas were far more profitable AFTER Umbrella went to shit: Sold on the black market for regional crimelords (Hidalgo in Darkside Chronicles) and terrorist groups (Il Veltro in Revelations). I imagine that these are the real people that could profit from this IRL, in small encounters, terror tactics and bog-standart chemical weapons.

>>52753845

The only reason they didn't mass-produced Nemesis/Mr X is because apparently making even just one is super expensive.

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>>52754249
Well, Nemesis was a prototype created by combining the American and European's fruits of their research, so creating a second one on a short notice was impossible.

Actually, one of the pros of Mr X was that they WERE viable for mass-production. (6 were dropped of during RE2/3, Nemesis was based on one, and they were used as a base for future models like in Code:Veronica and the second CGI-movie).

I think one of the spin-offs did have a whole facility with replicating them, probably Survivors. Hell, one of Outbreak's antagonist threw a shitfit because he saw Tyrants as handcrafted masterpieces.

That of course doesn't diminish the massive amount of money spend on them, though.