RPG stories are wonderful!

>>52696711
From the lich and hole thread last week, I decided to pop an easy mode varient into my game:
>Party returns home to find a lich has been hanging around the village.
Barby: Lich, what's the deal? What's that crystal you're wearing?
Lich: Ahh, this is my magical phylactery, the source of my arcane power.
>Party is suspicious.
Lich: I am in need of a domicile for my studies and this shack will do nicely. I shall pay you this princely sum and enchant your weapons if you would like to place them in this hole until the morrow.
>Lich hands the party a sack containing 1200 copper pieces.
>Party is suspicious.
>Barby decides to leave a looted goblin saber in the hole and sneaks up at night to see what the lich does with it.
>Lich sharpens the saber with a whetstone and cuts a piece of string to test it.
Lich: Excellent! Another masterwork of my formidable enchanting powers.

>That GM hijacks game night to intro his new campaign.

>He's out of ideas after 20 minutes, he tells us this. He introduced some setting components but refused to let us interact with them. Every player suggestion to start a story was shot down.

>He falls back into all his old patterns running Generic Delivery Quest #0001, that takes us further from the parts of the setting that might be interesting.

>Upon approaching an inn, we were told we could here inexpertly played music drifting on the wind, and my character, declared it was probably elvish. I was immediately informed by That GM it was a halfling minstrel, although having not yet had time to step inside and see this, I chose not to act upon this. My character bullshitted with the armed guards at the door and stepped inside to behold a halfling minstrel playing a mandolin. While others conducted business he approached the minstrel, listened and threw him a gold coin, "for music lessons from a human musician." He then added, "everyone knows elves have no ear for the mandolin"

>The Inn quietened. Two armed guards approached him and asked him to take back that comment or be thrown out. My character repeated his opinion and added that "elves can't shred mandolin."

>That GM asked for my character sheet, he closely perused the alignment (good), he handed it back, obviously dissatisfied.

>One of the guards held my character, unresisting, while the other removed their helm to reveal they were an elf all along, and challenged my character to repeat his opinion again. He did. He was punched in the stomach for 3 damage.

>My character demanded the elf prove me wrong, by playing the mandolin right there, but he was kneed in the groin.

>The GM told me to rescind my opinion or he would have to tear up my character sheet.

>It turns out, this was a hill I was willing to die on. I refused and handed my sheet back.

>The game ended for the night.

>>52697081
Well shit man. To be fair, they can't shred the mandolin, so thumbs up for sticking to your guns, fuck GM's who threaten to kill your character straight up.

Let's play greentext bingo! What are we missing here?

1. Edgardo
2. Blacksmith's daughter
3. All Guardsmen Party
4. Sir Bearington

>>52698664
To be fair, the only elves I know that can shred the mandolin is Noldor, but still I concur with your statement.
>>52697081
props to sticking with your statement. GM can suck horse cock.

>>52697081
Your GM... isn't much to write about, sorry to say.

>>52697081
i wish you would link this thread to your gm so he know how many people think he should suck a horse dong, like im of the opinion he should never dm again cause hes so far from the right way im not sure if he could manage to actually get there.

>>52698690
>Tfw no updates to agp for an eternity

>>52699941
Sorry, I'l try to get something out this month, I was supposed to be making progress this week but I got distracted writing obscure The Mummy fanfiction in another thread.

>>52696711
>weel and woe
It's "weal".

>>52697081
>elf town guards
>can't tell they're elves unless you see their ears
>when insulted, they punch you like a human infant having a temper-tantrum

You should maybe try to get someone else to run the game.

>>52699221
So far a red hot one person has said that

>>52700231
It's actually "wheel and whoa," and it refers to the fun you have while riding a motorcycle

>>52698690
Lol, someone remembered.

>>52701738
10/10 will use to troll kids studying Shakespeare.