Red flags for DM's

>>52681064
>portable ram
What?

Watching somebody fill out a character sheet and one of the first things they put in is a chaotic alignment, then they spend tme thinking about everything else.

Also, anyone who likes ketchup. Ketchup is awful.

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>>52681076
What's wrong, bro?

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>>52681076
>He doesn't carry portable rams

>>52681076
He was a Rogue with 8 dex too.

>>52681064
Poles are just a meme from AD&D.

They're the best way to check for traps ahead.

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Animated ram could be fun too

>>52681064
>rope, pole, pick, hammer, spikes, mess kit, waterskin, dry rations, tinderbox, torches, bedroll, blankie, bells, thin wire, thick wire, axe, book of rocks and minerals, book of edibles, a dog, scrolls of create water, scrolls of create fire, hunting trap, scrolls of shape stone
I s-set up c-camp for the rest of the campaign

>>52681311
>blankie
keke ^_^

>>52681115
Sounds like an INT/STR rogue specced specifically for dungeon crawling, trap springing, and door breaking at any cost. Not all rogues are sneaky. Actually I really like making fighter-rogue thugs, basically Bron from GoT.

That's my kinda DnD bro.

If you see that as a "red flag" rather than as a great player, you are a shitty DM. That player is woke af.

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>>52682087
>using emotes
>on a chinese majong board

>>52682141
:^)

>>52682132
>GoT
>if you don't like it, ur a shit
>woke af

Mmm that is some spicy bait.

>>52681311
I like you. That is what I do too.

>>52681108
No, I carry explosive charges. Why?

>>52681077
Mustard master race reporting in.

>>52682286
...what?

>>52681077
Kechup is a context-specific condiment. It's fine on fries and cheap hot dogs.

>>52681064
>elf archer
>buys shurikens

>>52682132
Str niggas ww@!?

>>52682430
You NEVER put catsup on a hotdog

>>52681290
Goat is best friend in a fight. Hard headed, unrelenting, and can get milk from. Sounds like a good friend to have as a traveling partner.

>>52682286
Wouldn't sheep be very hard to train? Like I think they'd be afraid of the gunfire

That said, I'd like to see this executed

>>52681264
Summon Mount and Invisible Servant are both better.

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>>52682194
>I'M SO MAD ABOUT ANYTHING POPULAR IT MAKES ME SHIT MYSELF A LITTLE BIT.
>>52682542
Niggas gotta have the STR to lug the dungeon loot, bruh. Knock down the door, nab dat shi and gtfo! Lit loot haul senpai.

>>52684385
Cute cat :3

>>52681311
I'm with you my man. I made sure to have vials of oil and a whistle on my ranger and they saved my life twice

>>52684353
There are anti-magic fields in my muscle wizard's dungeon, just to trap little pantywastes like you.

>>52684353

If you have them, but for your lowbie adventurers/commoner mobs nothing beats the pole.

>>52681064
>female character
>sexual orientation/cup size written on the character sheet

>>52681290
And nobody thought of using a car to ram the ram?

Would have solved the problem pretty quickly, although it would have put a dent in your bumper.

>>52684583
>female player
>female character
>sexual orientation/cup size written on the character sheet
I've seen this a few time.

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>>52681064
>13 10 foot poles
>two portable rams
>forgot to buy wheels

At least he's thinking...

>>52683400
NEVER eat a hot dog. That is all lips and asshole.

>Start campaign
>DM makes us track rations
>First session is breaking out of jail
>steal loaf of bread from prison kitchen
>never eat bread
>2 years and many sessions later. Probably about 4 or 5 years of in-game time
>still have loaf of bread in inventory

>>52681077
>anyone who likes ketchup. Ketchup is awful
What a plebeian. Like a lot of people, you probably associate the idea of ketchup with cheap ketchup on biliously awful burgers from a fast food joint, which is why you think you don't like it. You gotta get the good shit, the dijon ketchup.

>>52684403
Fine, I'll just buy a bunch of goats and let the druid handle it.

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>>52684583
>>52684828

>female player
>male character
>Dragonborn
>has two penises because, "Lol, lizards have two in real life, right guys!"
>character sheet goes into great detail about the color, texture, girth, and taste (wtf) of each one
>never mentioned or used in actual roleplay

I just don't know anymore...

>>52685089
>That spoiler
Yeah right. If I had a million dollars.

>>52685076
Gotta be pretty stale by now. Sharpen the loaf and use it as a backup weapon against the fey.

>>52685107
>never mentioned or used in actual roleplay
Not at the table, no.

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>>52685238

>>52685107
>taste

Now my morbid curiosity wants to know what flavors she ascribed to dragonborn cock.

>>52685266
Come on, anon, you can't say you didn't know she was using the game for shlick fodder.

>>52682430
Ketchup is basically red tomato-flavored caramel sauce.

>>52685107
>>52684828
>Starting a game of 5e
>Two out of three players show up for first session
>One is a girl
>They both roll casters
>Give them a tagalong gnoll fighter to fill in for the missing player
>Girl's character almost immediately tries to fuck him
>Continues trying to fuck him for the rest of his screentime

Girls are fucking weird, man.

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>>52685273
>>52685326
>>52685420
>>52685107
Girls cant be trusted

>>52685420
Wifey material

>>52681290
Jesus Christ, just tackle the thing, it's a fucking goat. It's like people who freak out and run from geese.

Our ancestors who hunted mammoth would be fucking embarrassed of us if they saw videos like this.

>>52685445
>woman masturbating to the sound of your voice
>grossed out
Man what.

>>52685568
>girl masturbating to your voice
>and werewolf menstrual blood drinking

Plus girls can be ugly too, anon.

>>52685604
Lies, they all have a unique beauty.

>>52685604
People have fetishes, and generally if her appearance was relevant it'd get a mention.

>>52685002
>Not liking lips and assholes
WHAT ARE YOU A FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGG?

>>52685445
what a fucking pussy, yeah what gets her off is weird but that sounded like prime A fuck scenario the girl was obviously into him and wanted the d. He should have toughed it out and made a move.

>>52682430
>It's fine on fries and cheap hot dogs.
I'd kick you out of my gaming group.

>>52682430
Are you insane? Fries are for chocolate frosties.

>>52685002
So they did find a way to make the ends meet.

>>52685568
>girl masturbating to you reading her erotic fiction about your self insert raping her self insert, then drinking the blood.

FTFY

>>52685823
kek

>>52683400
>>52685356
>>52685762
>>52685810
fags 2bh

>>52685107
If femDragonborn have massive tits then maleDragonborn have boring plain humanoid junk

>>52686064
The female is always humanoid. The male is a scary as fuck monster, thing.

>>52686064
I agree.
Lizard boobs get out.

>>52685420
>Girls are fucking weird, man.
Unlike guys, who only masturbate to the most vanilla softcore.

I noticed that your story didn't end with "so I immediately kicked her out for being creepy". Why is that?

>>52686064

>female has mammalian boobs
>male has a 4-headed echidna penis

>>52681290
sheep don't have claws and can't bite, just wrestle it to the ground.

But I guess manlets can't even get that right.

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>>52685117
Just spat out my drink laughing.
Thanks anon, i needed that

>>52685117
Fuuuuuck

I just got it.

>>52685107
>>52685420

It's funny because supposedly males are the horny fuckers yet in like every game I had with girls they act far more perverted than dudes.

>>52685420
destroy all girls

>>52685620
you are why humanity will die out within the next few centuries

>>52682430
mayonnaise for fries

>>52685729
i guess females themselves are also pussies for not having sex with everything that moves

>>52686154
She wasn't being creepy. PCs trying to fuck NPCs is not an uncommon occurrence in games. Doesn't make it any less weird. In a different game I had a male with a shapeshifter character who tried to pull a Bugs Bunny-tier move by changing into a sexy lady to get the guard away from his post. Guys are pretty weird too.

>>52686154
He only has to be marginally more attractive than a gnoll, and she might fuck him too...

>>52686257
>being an easy lay will cause the species to go extinct

>>52686321
population control is important.

>>52686313
>talk shit about sexy jutsu

To be entirely fair it's a reasonable approach provided he doesn't just poor into a naked woman infront of the guard. If the player passed by the guard over the course of a week or so, while subtly dropping hints to entice him to moving away from his post, I see no reason why that isn't a valid plan of attack.

>>52686227
Where do I find a group with perverted girls irl?

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>>52686374
In the darkest and most humid of shadows

>>52686227
Maybe this is a stereotype but I think females are more into written porn than pictures/videos while males are the opposite.

>>52686374
Any group with single women.

Just be warned. Shit gets weird.

>>52686362
No, nothing like that. He instead chose the "beckon him over from an alley" approach.

>>52686427
To be fair, the market also caters that way.

I'm not sure if it's chicken or the egg though.

>>52686427

I don't know. Girls seem to love doujins. Hell, majority of the most fucked up artists making hentai about giant insects impregnating girls are female.

>>52685107
she was trolling you, or trying to see what you would allow.

>>52686417
Jesus Christ, I'll have to try to dodge ham planets.

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>>52682306
Red pelican mustard

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>Walk into thread
>people bashing on ketchup and cheap hot dogs.

I'll fight ya all you sick mustard bastards. You too mayo, you're ass kicking has been slow but ready for some time.

You're either well off your whole life or non-american to not have developed a taste for cheap hot dogs.

Oh and to contribute to the thread:

>>52682132
anyone that uses the term "woke af" or senpai in nearly every sentence is usually shitty.

>>52686612
huh, i didn't know that they autocorrect the abbreviation for family, the first 3 letters of the word, to senpai.

>>52686634
I like to use "pham" to dodge the autofilter

>>52681077
Horseradish master race here.

>>52686612
You like sugared tomato jizz on your food and you think you can pass judgement on others?
Burgers, mang..

>>52686612
Stop liking what i don't

>>52686612
>cheap sausages
Do you have a deathwish, you madman? I don't even care that you're a disgusting murkan, every cheap sausage is indisgestion at best.

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>>52686417
>that image

>>52686669
>Heinz has actual tomato paste in it
Yeah, as if. And don't try to tell me other american brands are somehow different.

>>52686669
I'll defend my childhood of macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, far too much ketchup and a great great hate of mustard and mayo with my taste buds.

God I hate macaroni now.

>>52686722
serious for a moment, I only ever get indigestion from pizza with multiple types of meat on it. Never from anything else.

Maybe you're just sensitive anon.

>>52681064
Eh? I'm not sure I see the issue if the are going dungeon diving. Traps and stuck doors can be a bitch.

>>52681077
No. You're being stupid. Ketchup literally makes sense as a condiment, but it just doesn't go with everything and most that you can buy is trash-quality.

>>52686763
American stomachs have evolved to be closer to dogs or cows so that their government can breed them into complacency with fattening mind control refuse.
Or so the theory goes.

>>52686722
>Sausages = hot dogs
One is a fried breakfast food, and eaten with syrup.
The other is boiled or microwaved, put on a bun, and eaten with your choice of condiments.

This is something preschoolers learn, anon.

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>>52686817
I'm curious anon. Could you please tell me what is in this image?

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Thread started out shit talking players.

It has descended into an argument about condiments. I am pleased that /tg/ can still produce quality bread

>>52686817
This fails to account for dry sausages, the greatest form of sausage.

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>>52686817
>One is a fried breakfast food, and eaten with syrup.
>and eaten with syrup
>eaten with syrup
>with syrup
>syrup
>sausage
>syrup
>SAUSAGE
>SYRUP

>>52686855
A fork.

>>52682132
I think the red flag came from the fact that he had thirteen poles and two rams. I'm sure OP would have seen one of each as reasonable.

>>52686904
Welcome to Trump country.

>>52684828
>>52685107
>>52685238
>>52685420
>>52685445
>>52685918
>>52686417
This is why you don't allow women into your roleplaying groups.

>>52686817
>or microwaved
You sicken me.

>>52686417
>Vaseline on the doorhandle
I dont get this? Is it because they tried to prevent people from leaving or were they fucking the door or what?
Explain this to me please

>>52686227
I think it's just universal that any gaming group with at least one woman will have a perverted one. I ran a game for all female players, and they were all perfectly normal and well-adjusted, except for one of them who decided her character wanted to fuck the dragonborn warlock.

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>>52686904
>>52687044
anon's, do not worry, sausage may be micro waved too.

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>>52681064
>13 10 foot poles and two portable rams
add a giant sheet and we're talking
outlander

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>>52684583
>cup size written on the character sheet
This needs to be mandatory. It could come up.

>>52687053
I'm not gonna read it but

1. they were doing nasty shit and touched the handle afterward?

2. intentionally doing it in an attempt to make the door handle too slippery to open?

3. to fuck with people?

>>52687053
some things are best not known

>>52684333
You'd have to accustom them to gunshots from young age so they learn to ignore it.

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>>52687053
They were filthy furries, probably both.

>>52685810
The fuck

>>52687181
milkshakes + fries anon.

tastier than it seems.

>>52681290
rampage.webm

>>52686763
Maybe. Or maybe soviets made weapon-grade sausages from all the bones and offal they could find, then put them in the freezers, then, 10 years later, started to feed them to people in all the mess halls across the country, and now I get triggered.

>>52686817
>this anon never fried or grilled a sausage
Oh boy.

>>52687159
Urg, glad that had a good ending for Princess but my got that made me nauseous. The fuck's wrong with that dude?

>>52686855
>>52686899
>>52686904
As it turns out, not everybody eats sausages exclusively with pancakes.

>>52687240
>fried
>>52686817
>fried
Never had grilled sausage before.

>>52686959
Nah, I voted for the dude and I wouldn't do that.

>>52687093
thatisnotok.jpg

>>52687256
I do prefer it with breakfast, but I still wouldn't put syrup on it.

>>52687159
some people,
hanging's too good for them.

>>52687256
Grilled sausage is great. If you do it right you get the grill marks a little crispy for slight crunch and the smoke from the fire gets into it as well. Sometimes in the summer I'll take apple slices and skewer them to sausage to add a little sweetness, shit is heavenly.

>>52687053
They were probably sticking the doorknob up their asses.

>>52687244
You can have a loving sexual relationship with a dog, but it's like having a relationship with a person.

You wouldn't just lock up a girl in a closet, only pulling her out to use her as a fleshlight, and expect her to be well-adjusted.

Also, furries like to fuck their dream breeds. Huskies can be on the small side.

>>52685559
>>Our ancestors who hunted mammoth would be fucking embarrassed of us if they saw videos like this.
You realize they "hunted" the mammoth by luring into a huge spiked pit and the leaving it there to bleed out? They didn't exactly jump on the mammoth to stab it to death with spears.

>>52681290
Meanwhile in Russia Dire Boar gets wrecked by peasants:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SpzW_O2Ya0

>>52687159
good thing that doggo was saved

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>>52687328
Furries everyone.

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>>52686959
I dunno about you Yanks but I've had sausage with maple syrup several times and you're all missing out

>>52681311
read to us from the book of edibles, anon.

>>52686904
Breakfast sausage is great with maple syrup. Dinner sausage is great with sauerkraut and mustard. What you want to fight you little bitch, I'll pickle you in my homemade maple syrup and eat you for breakfast with my sausages!
>>52687411
This.

>>52681064
Why did they aim so many arrows at her pussy?

>>52687396
I'm not a furry. There's nothing more disgusting than some poorly-washed fatfags jumping around in a neon-colored animal suit sweating and sucking off each other's crusty cocks in a shitty hotel room.

>>52686155
I had to look that up
I'm surprised Bad Dragon doesn't have one of those yet

>>52686168
>sheep don't have claws and can't bite, just wrestle it to the ground.
>sheep can't bite
That is what YOU think sir. Sure they don't have teeth on their upper jaw they are not like horses but they can still bite you hard.

>>52687447
So you're just a garden variety animal fucker. Your kind are what brought AIDS to humanity, by fucking monkeys.

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>>52681077
Who /ranchsauceandfries/ here

>>52687439
They are playing Riddle of Steel, where stabbing someone is the crotch is optimal fighting.

>>52687517
>ranch
>not blue cheese
Disgusting.

>>52685810
This nigga knows what's up

>>52687159
And this is one of the many reasons as to why I hate furries. Had to fucking stab one of those disgusting fuckers with a pencil when he wouldn't leave my animals alone

>>52687293
Then what do you do with the syrup after your pancakes are finished?

>>52687317
Guess I haven't grilled enough.

>>52687660
Feel like sharing?

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>>52687159
I'd willingly go to hell to drag some of these fuckers with me.

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>>52687346
Russia's that kind of place though, just fucking weird things happening and full of weird people

>>52685568
I should get into ASMR one of these days..

>>52685445
I was in that thread.
I've had girls that got off to my voice. I found it incredibly flattering.
That dude was just a robot who couldn't deal with a woman's sexuality. Yeah, chicks can be weird like that. So can dudes. You move on.

>>52685918
I'm ok with this.

>>52687439
Aim for center of mass, and given the shoulder to hip ratio, it's definitely low

>>52686154
Why is a pc making passes at an npc creepy, anon?
Oh, because you are shit, that's why.

>>52687859
Was sitting outside a grocery store checking my phone one Friday on a late grocery run when two chicks in a black SUV drove past me.
One of them said "My friend thinks you're cute!" as they drove by, and I just said "Thanks!"
I mean, what else are you going to do? People are crazy. They might have been drunk, too.

>>52686344
Population control has always been war, plague, and women dying in childbirth, anon.
Lots of stupid in this thread.

>>52687488
Monkeys are disgusting animals that fling their shit around and make dumb screeching noises. There's a reason they're compared to blacks.

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>>52687984
I've been told I was cute once and it was from a gay dude.

>>52688079
When of my best friends who I spend most of time with is gay. I will never know if our early friendship was him trying to bang me or not.

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>>52687328
>You can have a loving sexual relationship with a dog
kill self

>>52688096
*One.

Shit.

>>52688096
I know that feeling. My roommate is Bi and I'm 99% sure he wanted to bang when we first met

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>>52686427
>>52686466
It's more the fact that doujin/written porn generally have a greater level of detail on the social dynamics/situations between the individuals, which is a really important detail that most "traditional pornography" sorely overlooks.

It's like trying to create and maintain a suspension of disbelief; you can't do it unless there is much more detail--a setting, personality, interaction beyond just "oh my god your body is so hot let's fuck", but for guys (at least from what I understand, I could be wrong, generalizations and whatnot) they just need imagery to get physically aroused, and purely physical arousal is enough for them to get off. I can't speak for everyone, obviously, but I need mental arousal at the same time. I want to be INVOLVED in it, personally, I want to imagine what it's like to be in that setting, or if it's a kink I enjoy, I like to empathize with the people who are getting off to it in the story, and feel their pleasure through the writing or visuals. Also 98% of porn is catered exclusively toward men so I wouldn't say it's a chicken and egg thing, there is some that's good, especially amateur stuff where you can tell the connection is really authentic, and lesbian/more artistic style porn is good too. The main thing is just authenticity/detail, and that whole dynamic of believing and imagination.

>>52687859
I met someone once who had a voice like a fucking angel but I fell out of touch, I kind of wish I had recorded it. It made me feel things, and not just the erotic sort, but some people just have beautiful voices. Surely guys feel the same way about certain women? Haven't you ever heard someone that just made your heart beat harder for no reason?

>>52687293
How about you try sausage & pancake on a stick before you knock it you euro bitch?

>>52688198
Dont know about that anon, but here in norway hot-dogs in waffles is a thing, if that counts for anything

>>52685729
>Story's OP was in America
>The gal was in Germany
What?

>>52687411
Canada bro is right.

>>52686466
A lot of loli dojin artists are women.
As are the artists that do mindbreak shit.
Shin-dol is a white woman in Japan, for instance. The one dojin artist that does a lot of wacky shit is the absolutely thicc milf-y piece of cake such that it's unfair she was lamenting her single status.

>>52686669
>sugared tomato jizz
>doesn't know good ketchup brings it's flavor from the tartness of the vinegar with a hint of sweetness.

>>52687159
FUCKING FURRIES

GOD DAMN

I AM SERIOUS FUCKING TRIGGERED BY THIS

I HOPE HE ROTS IN HELL FOR THIS

>>52688376
>Shin-dol is a white woman in Japan, for instance.

Wat

pics or it didn't happen

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>>52688099
What autistic furries don't understand is that sex is not owed to them and they can't expect every woman to want to have sex with them. Be it human, dog, dolphin, whatever.

Dogs are pretty straightforward letting you know when they want sum fuk.

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>>52686270
This man has it.

>>52686270
Only if it's proper Belgian fries with a good mayo. Don't bother with fast food fries or supermarket mayo.

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>>52688515
>Having sex with dogs

>>52686417

This is when you should go full GG Allin and try to outdo them in depravity, like a giant fucking aristocrats joke.

>>52687159

I'm into some fucked up shit but jesus christ

>>52681077
who /chilicheese/ here

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>>52688588
>having sex with a being that loves you

>>52688376
ShindoL is absolutely not a chick. He's a half Japanese named Larry Shindo

>>52686270
mayo is disgusting and so are you.

>>52688679
It's a fucking dog man.

>>52688679
>Dogs conditioning to like humans = Human love
Really makes me think, degenerate.

>>52688804
t. person who beats animals

>>52688121
>All this stuff about erotica/doujin having plot and more detailed scenarios.

Sounds about right.

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>>52688807
Aren't we all just a product of our own social conditioning?

It's social conditioning that has us asking for consent and courtship rather than beating women over the head and dragging them back to our caves. :^)

>>52688121
>some people just have beautiful voices.
That I can get, It's the reason I enjoy arias
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDyiYEdTp-U

>>52685089
Sure, then THAT ketchup is bad. You're right, but being semantic. Want to fight about it fag?

#Stopketchupnow

>>52687984
This has happens to me. People are weird. Hell, that happened to me on the bus, once.
>>52688079
This happens to me, too. Apparently, being tall, dark and well dressed makes gay dudes like you.
>>52688121
>It's more the fact that doujin/written porn generally have a greater level of detail on the social dynamics/situations between the individuals, which is a really important detail that most "traditional pornography" sorely overlooks.
I've also heard more than one complaint about dojins especially fetishizing legitimately bad relationships, or even honest relationships, for the sake of porn.

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>>52686417

>>52688515
>What many guys, autistic or no, don't understand is that sex is not owed to them and they can't expect every woman to want to have sex with them
And here you are among a glut of them.

>>52688016
But you'd fuck them just like you'd fuck some salivating molosser in a heart beat, while grooming its mane and tying bows to it.

>>52688415
It's buried on a ex drive, somewhere.
>>52688773
This I'd never heard. Where you find this out?

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>>52688878

>>52688812
t. person who rapes animals

>>52685445
>Military Lady that enjoys roleplaying exposes fetish to you, demands your input
>You could have coached her towards making bonerific prose for the both of you while enjoying a kinky relationship
>Drop spaghetti instead

I swear this board is made of aloof anime harem protagonists ironically unaware of their status.

>>52688921
You'd also tell them just how much you love them, and how much more than ordinary cruel men you truly understand the plight and the condition of a beast.

>>52688956
>Badly written shlickfic
>Bonerific prose
I'm sure that a writer's son has some standarts for his reading materials.

>>52688852
>I've also heard more than one complaint about dojins especially fetishizing legitimately bad relationships, or even honest relationships, for the sake of porn.

It's porn, though. Everything is fetishized. Although I can see what you're talking about: just as shitty live action porn can make guys mistaken about what real sex is like, shitty erotica (and romantic comedies) can give chicks messed up ideas about what a real relationship is like.

>>52688955
It's not rape. Animals (despite pretty much every species on earth living in a literal rape culture) can very clearly communicate their desires. Males are obvious.

Females, well, just look at some of the retarded horsefuckers from /mlp/, who get kicked in the gut getting behind a female. Dogs have teeth and claws, and can very easily tell you no.

I hope you try to bring up the fact they can't verbally communicate. That's always a fun argument to destroy.

>>52688979
That's why I mentioned coaching her. Everyone's first writing attempt is absolutely terrible, but practice and a good teacher can go a long way.

>>52688833
I realize that you are just memeing because you put the cheeky smiley at the end, but:

The second part of your sentence is an exaggeration, while rapes probably were more prevalent in our pre cultural past, so where our instincts. One of the main one's that a lot of animals, especially primates share is female control over sex, its the female that chose the partner out of a group of men that already have other options lined up if they don't get some. Our cultural concepts are extensions of this, showing modern women what they might desire in a partner so that they can choose who to be with. Yes, its gotten muddled and goes both ways now, but to use an example to make my point, its often assumed that men will seek out women, initiating the relationship or at least attempting to. This is just a variation of the mating tactics of animals, except we don't just expect a partner to be physically fit like we did before when that was all that mattered.

>>52689043
It's always a meme.

I do like though that we have one poster claiming sex with animals is rape, but then this claim that animals exert control over sex. Maybe it's like individuals are unique beings with the ability to have different expression, and that, hey, every case may in fact have its own special circumstances?

>>52688852
I'm only one of those things. I'm tall, pasty, blonde, skinnyfat, and presentable

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>>52689022

Most animals get force fed in enclosures and used as beasts of burden or tools, and those are the lucky ones. Most are just fed until we kill them, eat their flesh, wear their skins, and turn their various other body parts into sundry tools.

And in order to make sure we never run out of these creatures, we FORCE them to mate with one another and more often, we forcibly extract semen from males and force it into females, which is definitely raping them.

Animal husbandry= Professional Animal Raping.

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>>52689026
I don't berieve you, anon-san!

>>52687984
That happens to me a lot, but the girls are usually in junior high.

>>52689168
>all this horrible stuff happens
>yet /tg/ takes issue with a sexual relationship
I'm hungry.

It's clear in the posted greentext story that it is rape, and the dog is clearly not wanting it.

>>52689022
>what is estrous

>>52689168
>Most animals get force fed in enclosures and used as beasts of burden or tools
Most animals are insects.

>>52686210
What did you just get?

>>52689276
The joke anon was making about the bread.

>>52689276
Something that will keep him going for days. Maybe even weeks.

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>>52688679
>Bait

>>52689106
>tall, blonde, presentable
Generally enough.
>>52689179
Older women love me, it's kinda worrisome. Younger girls are usually intimidated by me, I end up flouting an aggressive air by reflex.
>>52689206
Not something that happens in all animal species visibly.
>>52689314
>space marine
>commenting on sex, or intimate relationships of any sort
Stahp.

>>52681064
>10 foot poles
who the fuck doesn't bring a 10ft pole when playing D&D?

You're like asking to get hurt by some trap

>>52687346
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afP71xwLI8Y&oref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DafP71xwLI8Y&has_verified=1

>>52687346
Tiny-ass boar, though.

>>52685918
What's the problem there?

>>52688901
I think it was on his patreon page?

There's a post somewhere on the internet where he described how he drew everything in secret and panicked crazy in his youth for it.

>>52689206
Not something that all animals undergo, nor an absolute indicator of sexual receptiveness.

Humans technically have periods where they are fertile and not, yet still have sex whenever they like. Animals can be the same way, it's just you don't see most animals having sex for pleasure (or the act itself isn't pleasurable when done strictly for procreation).

Females that are familiar with and trusting of their humans can and do present themselves, and you can "pet" the applicable area, and they do enjoy it.

>>52681104
The rogue in my party, who was a traveling performer, had 1gp left once and bought a ram with it

The mayor pissed him off, so later he dressed up as him and did a performance in which he simulated a sex act on the goat in the inn

It turned out that an entertainment critic was in the bar, and was so impressed he gave him 130gp and a letter of recommendation to the bard's college

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>>52689561
>did a performance in which he simulated a sex act on the goat
>It turned out that an entertainment critic was in the bar, and was so impressed

>>52688096
I'm sure it was
But you broke his heart and friendzoned him

>>52685445
t.derrickcomedy

>>52683400
NYCfag detected

>>52689295
What was there to get? Bread is effective protection against fairies.

>>52689646
This is what you get when you mess with us

>>52689663
Bruh, we totally put ketchup on hotdogs in NYC. And we also don't call it catsup, that shit's retarded.

>>52686227
THIS

jesus christ, this!

>Vampire the mascarade
>every girl player wants to get lewd lesbian or gay vampire action
>male players never gave a shit about that

>5e
>girls discuss make a big deal out of who has the biggest tits

>Dungeons the dragoning
>have to make rules for keijo competitions because the girls wanted to do them with their characters
>the only seduce rolls I've ever seen have been done by the female players

what the fug

>>52681064
Red Flags
>Checking over new players inventory

DMs that are anal enough to check an inventory instead of trusting his players.

>>52689663
Dumbass, catsup is an American South term.
>>52689714
... is this a fag joke?

>>52689774
Stop playing with fujos.
One of my female players never really approaches sexuality at the table (to shy to do it publicly).
The other will do so only if it suits the character.

>>52688956
maybe she was ugly as fuck, have you considered that?

>>52681064
>I want to play a half-...............

Let me stop you there. NO. GTFO

>>52689817
>Stop playing with fujos.
the keijo thing is actually kind of funny, so I rolled along with it

>>52689889
I want to play a half-human

>>52689481
Although i have never experiencing any presenting, my dog is very interested when im masturbating. Ive never allowed her to do anythng.

>>52689993
No.

>>52690066
Fine.
I want to play 1/8 orc.

>>52689889
What's your problem with halflings?

>>52687095
>Filename
lel

>>52687420
Sausages go with Mash you fucking Kraut dickshit.

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>>52681064
>two portable rams
Look, I get that he cheats, but you can't just tell Hermes Kriophoros to leave your.

>>52687411
Why do people call us Yanks? We don't call ourselves Yanks. Only you guys do that. (Except New England but who cares fuckem')

>>52690358
Nicknames are given, not taken.

>>52686270
That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard of.

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>>52685095

>get a hundred or so goats
>cast a shrinking spell on them before stuffing them all into a bag with a stasis spell
>remove them from the bag and resize them one by one and send them to die in traps

>>52690497
Careful now anon, i think animals can smell chaotic evil reeking a long way

>>52690358
Yankee doodle dandy?

>>52690130
all halflings are dickass kender wannabe's.

All half-anythings are 99% of the time, freaks.

>>52690086
No. Orc, or 1/2 orc only.

Maybe , just maybe.......if you give a good reason, you can do a half elf

>>52690744
My human mother had sex with an elf.
Can i roll up stats now?

>>52690771
No. Why do you want to play an unaccepted by society race?

You realize the villagers will hate you on sight?
The rest of your group is ready to go, they've got their sheets finished, and everyone one is waiting on YOU to get ready. You're taking too long because you're trying to either snowflake it, be a drama starting faggot, or you're just retarded.

Now, hurry up and roll up something NORMAL.

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>>52690820
>half-elves
>unaccepted by society

>>52687328
>You can have a loving sexual relationship with a dog
No, no you cannot. Because unlike with a person, your dog cannot adequately give consent, you sick piece of shit.

>>52690863
Pointy ears...talks like a human.......not really a human.

>villagers grab pitchforks

>>52690921
Oh look, he has nice boots.

>highwaymen grab bows

>>52686855
c'nest pas un sausage-fork

>>52690820
All right, my character was the result of an attempted peace between humans and elves that ended badly.

Elves had been shunned for quite a while the way i see it, and one year when the harves the humans brought was insufficent, the elves saw it as their way of making their way onto the humans good side.

The elves would magically enhance the crops, and humans would allow elves to mildly interact with them, such as buying merchandice from the town.

Sadly, something went awry. Some peasant became sick, and the town was quick to blame the food and the elves, effectively negating the treaty.

My character was born from one of a prostitute that was low on money and met an somewhat shady elf who could pay her handsomely. Although she loathed elves, she could not kill my character due to motherly sentimentallity, but made my character always wear a hood to hide my slightly elongated ears and even went as far as to cut off parts of my ears.

Can i roll up now, gm?

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>>52682430

>>52687335
Exactly. They would frown on the lack of innovation.

>>52690820
>>52690979

As for the why, my character has been taught to be fearful and embarrased about his decendance, and will hide or claim to be human if asked. I want to see how your setting will handle someone that is not nececarrily accepted by the people doing good things FOR the people

>>52690878
>a dog cannot bite, claw, squirm, run, or otherwise resist
>a dog doesn't get wet, loose, or otherwise ready to accept hot monkey dick
You're a moron. You probably think the mentally handicap cannot give adequate consent because they cannot speak.

Remember, "her vagina ain't handicapped"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwNgsEkgBa4

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>>52691099
"Slippery slope isn't a real thing," they said.

>>52690979
Yes.

Well done.

>>52691098
I like it. Perfectly acceptable.

>>52691099
>Implying a dog knows the difference between your dick and a dog's

>>52691153
however, most of our group hates elves. And seem to go out of their way to kill them.

>>52688956
We're harem protags without a harem or redeeming qualities

>>52691228
Yiff. In. Hell.

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>>52691153
>>52691184
All right! approval! I am actually somewhat proud of myself!

>>52691202
Due to my backround, is it all right if put down points into disguise to hide my ears, and have them roll to notice them? Or could my ears be in such a state that its neigh impossible to tell if i am or am not an elf decendant?

>>52691276
Hmm.
Your points are yours to spend as you see fit. No objection.

My big issue is that 99% of the time, anyone wanting to 'half' it, as a race, is looking for either weirdness (which we hate), or minmaxing (which we lightly frown upon) A valid reason, with a good backstory (within reason), usually gets accepted.

>>52687859
Yeah, I had that happen once. Played WoW. Found out at some point a girl in the guild was rubbing it out to my voice. Never really got it, I hate my own voice.

Met her once. Fucked for several hours. Haven't seen her since.

>>52691202
Btw, that started WAY back in 2nd edition for some weird reason.

We had a players gf join us for a session. She started making up a sheet, and said, "oh btw, imma elf female who...."
She got nasty looks.

I really have no valid explanation WHY we all hate elves beyond the fact that they got to use a longsword regardless of class, way back when.

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Ok, there are several things going on in this thread, from condiment wars to the worst examples of furry culture you can imagine, so I guess I'll put my two cents into most of these subjects:

>two rams sounds like the shit my warlock character would get, would find great fun trying to use them
>two girls in my group, one I've noticed cut themselves (scars all down one arm) but is otherwise not too bad, other one is quite and still learning the ropes, both odd but no worse than anyone else in the group
>anyone who fucks a dog should be crucified
>halflings and gnomes are bigger red flags than any half elf for trying to screw the party
>I'm fairly certain xenomorphs are for sexual but I'm not stupid enough to limit my taste to the point of virginity, I'll not be a degenerate alien fucker in public, no jacking off to someone reading it to me
>if vice versa happens we 'bout to have a long chat on if it was me or the smut that was a turn on
>Heinz BBQ sauce + pepperoni pizza is a match made in heaven
>pic related to thread's original topic

>>52685448
Never put your dick in crazy.

Never.

>>52691309
Half-orcs are not for weirdness but for being HUEG. Also tusks, I dig tusks.

If I wanted to be weird I'd play a dwarf. Fucking dwarves.

>>52691309
To be honest, as a player i see half-anything as a ''i want that cake, but i also want that muffin''. Its a cheap way to get the better of both, but i dont dislike it, i just think its boring. Humans in general is boring to me.

I havent played a setting yet where min-maxing was an option, as we roll up stats, but i asked my gm to deliberately take the lowest of my inteligence rolls, because my current player was somewhat sheltered and i wanted to play at that.

Sadly, im not getting to play that, because we are playing with a few first timers, and most of the time i have to be the one helpng the plot along. Its somewhat saddening.

>>52691363
Half-orcs are less offensive than half-elves.

Ya, we're an odd group i guess.

>>52691201
Does that even matter? as long as nobody fucks the dogs, is it important if they know the difference?

>>52691435
Normal people don't really ponder such issues.

>>52691457
Never said i was normal, but what the fuck, as it keeps popping up here cant we just lay it to rest?

>>52687084


Same experience for me, ran a game of all women.
One flirted with almost every male npc I introduced to the party, and half the female ones, and it became a sort of running joke of new ways for them to turn her down or for it to go badly.

Then the fucking fujo weirdo of the group, who was there literally ebcause we were trying to get her to come out of her shell, maybe get some helf with her (numerous) problems, tries it.

>she hits on a yuan-ti
>He doesnt have a human fetish
>releases her illusion spell and reveals herself as a tiefling, asks 'How about now'.
>yuan-ti freaks out becuase demon woman just appears at him, thinks shes a succubus.
This is where it wouldve ended with any of the rest of the group, but she had to go on.
>keeps pushing
>demands to be allowed to make a check to seduce the yuan-ti
>hoping itll shut her up I relent and let her roll
>she rolls her dice behind her laptop and squeals 'NAT 20!'
I dont belive it for a second but what-fucking-ever
>she drops into detailed descriptions of her weird sex with the yuan-ti

>group generally weirded out

Worth noting a few side details that made it weirder
First up, she claims to be a lesbian and claims to hate men. Apparently that doesnt apply to snake men.
Also she got rapey with my gf
And me
And one of the other players
And one of the other player's girlfriends
Eventually we had a discussion where everyone actually spoke about this stuff and we realised she was doing it to *everyone* and kicked her the fuck out.


I've never had shit like this from a male player. A couple have been obnoxious retards, they havent been weird fetishists about it.

>>52691099
>>52690878
>>52687328
In California you can have sex with an animal provided the animal gives fully legible written consent.

Good luck with proving your dog can write english, dipshit.

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>No one's mentioned fry sauce

I'm not even a Utahan or Mormon but that stuff is delicious.

>>52684333
How to train sheep to be able to use and carry guns on their back, a guide by Anon:

>Step 1: Get a couple sheep, both male and female

>Step 2: Force said sheep to breed

>Step 3: As soon as those sheep have babies, start firing guns and making loud noises around them but don't hurt them.

>Step 4: Continue to do this for ~2 years, but make sure that nothing bad ever happens to them while making the gunshot noises, making the sheep learn to not fear them.

>Step 5: Strap the guns on to your sheep's back (make sure that your sheep can fire these)

>Step 6: Start target practice

>Step 7: Now that all your sheep are trained killers, go do whatever with them

>>52691531
What if the animal forces itself on you?

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>>52691531
>Commiefornia
>authority on anything
needs to sink in the ocean t b h

>No caesar dressing

>>52681064
>Hey Anon? For that game you're DMing can I play this homebrew I found?

It's just one guy mostly, but whenever he speaks I'm getting ready to have an argument. I once had to spend five minutes explaining to him that he did not get a flanking bonus for his sneak attack against a froghemoth because the froghemoth had swallowed another party member.

>HE'S NOT DISTRACTING IT HE'S BEING DIGESTED DAMMIT

>>52686270
FOOL! Ranch or Blue Cheese dressing goes on fries.

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>>52685445

>>52687098
GOOD NEWS! it is mandatory in "Macho Women with Guns". Yes. That is a real roleplaying game. It even received a d20 conversion, during third edition. Because the universe hates us all.

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>>52691937
/tg/ is the only board on 4chan where I still see people post shitty demotivationals.

>>52690863
>Elf looks with human traits
>Charisma bonus
>Diplomats
>Mythological half-elves being of royal bloodlines

I never understood the half-elf pariah, there is not reason why they should be.

>>52687053
Goddammit. I was happy with thinking it was to keep people from escaping.

>>52692014
They're an elegant meme for a more civilized age.

>>52692014
i hope it was your intention to make fun of an old shitty meme with another old shitty meme

>>52687084
Who wouldn't fuck the dragonborn warlock?

>>52689889
I want to play half of a character.

>>52686227
>>52689774

Easy reason: Women get off on Narrative, men get off on Imagery.

Like, my first Woods Porn (ask your rural friends) was an "erotic" novel titled "Private Dick" which had been torn in half, left out in the rain, innawoods, for an unknown amount of time (probably at least a day or two).

So, it gave me a really deep "appreciation" for the written word. But even so, i realized pretty early on that there were bits in the story i liked, and bits i did not like... and those bits were graphic imagery of sexual acts, not perverse, but unwelcomed. I could enjoy the bondage and anal sex and sadomasochism, bestiality and cuckolding because it was all consensual, but there was a scene of rape in the book that i could never read because my mental images from that section displeased me greatly.

In retrospect, the plot of "Private Dick" probably made no sense, but it existed almost exclusively to move the narrative from one sexual misadventure to the next, each of which was graphically and lovingly described. Also, the plot ended with the protagonist and his female companion, after finding true love and escaping in a small aircraft, crashing the plane during a celebratory fuck in the cockpit because nobody was flying it.

Meanwhile, my ex... she read Twilight, and 50 shades. and insists. INSISTS it is the greatest romantic and erotic fiction ever. And I, being a perverse bibliophile, gave them both a try.

I have achieved more erections by randomly opening a Fabio paperback than the entirety of either of those books gave me... because it. was. all. narrative. And terrible narrative. Abhorrent "inner goddess exploding" narrative. Sex as written by someone who had never had it, or seen it. Relationships as conceived by someone who had never been in one.

>>52686436
Doesn't need to be single women. Starting a game with a newly assembled group in college, girl immediately makes a alut character and establishes sexual history with mine. Her boyfriend was also in the group.

My doctor ends up a pussy-whipped bitch who eventually grew a spine and stood up to the crazy slut. She promptly sent someone to go cut off his genitals.

really fun game overall, but I have no regrets sticking with the boyfriend when their relationship eventually imploded

>>52687159
The fucked up thing is, I used to like anthropomorphic animal comics and stories. I'm in my late 40's and my first taste of that kind of thing was Stan Saki's Usagi Yojimbo, Omaha the Cat Dancer and an independent comic called Albedo. Then some time I got exposed to the dark underbelly of what Furry fandom was in the early 2000's and stepped away from the whole thing.

>>52687201
Go back to Wendy's, hoser

>>52687420
>the year of our lord 2017
>voluntarily eating sauerkraut as a major component of a meal

War's over, Fritz, you don't have to ration anymore

>>52681311
I want to do this but I like playing wizards and other low STR classes and all of these items weigh like five pounds each.

>>52685445
I... i like this actually.
I wish girls would get off to my voice.

>>52692395
>>52687859
You could try MSA (Male Sexy Audio) threads on /soc/, they can always use new people.

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>>52692122
Pepe is a classic and timeless meme.

>>52691900
Blue Cheese dressing + hot sauce, my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

Some Buffalo wing place let you put any of their wing dressings on your fries, it's a great way of finding out hidden combinations like that (I'm most partial to Spicy Garlic Parmesan).


Wait what was this thread about again?

>>52685568
>>52685729
>>52688956
>>52692395
It was an Airforce chick, 99% guaranteed she was ugly as fuck

>>52692533
Giving a dog the bone

>>52690358
After the yankee doodle song. Dunno why it got stuck to all Americans. Probably because we only border the Northern Americans.

>>52690261
I'm Anglo you shitdick. Eat your fucking mash and I'll eat mine in a bun with mustard and sauerkraut.
>>52692289
>the year of our lord 2017
>not eating sauerkraut as a major component of a meal
Seriously Louis, you don't have to be scared anymore.

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>>52689335
>actually believing that ANY chapter of the emperors holy warriors would tolerate you fucking something that is not human.

>>52692737
I don't know man, this thread is making me wonder some things about Sisters Repentia

>>52691503
I've gotten it to a much more subtle degree from gay men.

>>52691592
What do the colors mean?

>>52688114
You know all those girls you've met you wanted to bang but never did? You sure as shit never stopped wanting that.
>Your roommate never stopped wanting that either

>>52693186
That's not true, I no longer want to bang any of the women I previously wanted to bang

>>52692967
Green = leagal
Yellow = misdemeanor (ie: legal)
Orange = felony and misdemeanor (?)
Red = felony

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>>52688121
>Surely guys feel the same way about certain women?
Voice can do the same thing for guys as well
See: Sweet Shalquior from Dark Souls 2. It's literally a cat but people like her because she has nice voice.

>>52686654
>Master race
I'll be the judge of that.
Course or fine ground, cream style faggots need not apply.

>>52693486

or the Pickly Pee Pump a Rum bird that you never actually see and people still managed to sexualize based on a disembodied voice

>>52693539
Now that I think about it, the same applies to Anri of Astora, doesn't it?

>>52681077
>>52682306
>>52686654
>>52686786
>>52687517
>>52687619
>>52688629

>not just eating hot sauce on everything

>>52693551

holy shit

>>52687418
>book of edibles
Most likely meaning a guidebook on what plants or parts of plants are edible. Foraging is a thing anon.