That Guy/GM stories

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>character built around flying, lightning for damage, other spells are just for flair
>EVERY monster we encounter is earth-based with high resists to everything else i can do
>literally improvising creatures to counter me
>caught fudging rolls in his favour when it comes to negatively affecting me
>party decides to sail around from port to port and be anti-pirate pirates
>harpies attack the boat
>they're immune to lightning
>umwhat.jpg
>we board a pirate ship to save some hostages
>pirates are immune to lightning
>whatthefuck.jpg
>giant sea-monster attacks the boat
>it's immune to lightning
>areyoushittingme.gif

>other players notice the bullshit
>tell him to cut the bullshit
>he argues but finally agrees
>next session, random lightning strikes the boat killing everyone (equivalent of rocks fall)
>implies I attracted my own death by casting so many shock spells
>that faggot forgot one vital thing
>I'm fucking immune to lightning

>guy tries to pull off the edgy loner sitting in the corner
>he is playing necromantic caster. We all see where this is going to end up
>entire campaign is how dark and evil he is both in and out of character
>Nearing the end of the campaign he tells us that he snuck away in the middle of the night and left a note telling us to follow his trail.
>we get to a cave and he tells us that his plan to become a necromancer is almost complete, when he dies he will be reborn and death will consume us all. *more edge lord text here*
>he kills himself and the cleric casts a spell to prevent undead.
>GM says edge lord is dead and takes his character sheet.
>Just to add insult we sold all of his stuff and donated it to the local church

>>52566573
Might have been a dick move but in hindsight that was a pretty retarded stunt on his side, shit like this is what happens when stupid players try go full evil.

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>>52565939
>improvising creatures to counter me
Yeah, that's the worst, man. I had two different GMs do that o me with social skills. One would just give every NPC like +40 to sense motive. The other gave me a -20 penalty on every bluff roll I ever made over an entire two year campaign because "the lie is unbelievable".

>>52565939
What happened then? It was 'special' lighting that still affects you?

>>52565939
>I'm fucking immune to lightning

That's some good shit, anon.

>>52565939
>>I'm fucking immune to lightning
Fucking kek.
What did he do when he found out?

>>52565939
Had something similar happen

>My previous character died
>Decide to make an archer character
>Do very good for a few encounters
>Suddenly all the combat happens at night, under heavy rain and with driving winds making it difficult or impossible to do ranged attacks
>Participate in a gladiatorial tournament, my character only gets 5 arrows and no armor, enemy archers rain arrows freely and are armored head to toe
>All humanoid enemies wear full plate and have large shields
>When I finally manage to thread an arrow into a guy's helmet's eye-slit, turns out he had a shield item that protected his head

I think he's telling me he doesn't like my character.

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>>52565939
Similar story here
>Doing an Elder Scrolls homebrew based off 5e
>Make Dunmer Destruction (Evocation in 5e terms) Wizard
>Specialize in fire magic, because I'm playing a race who's homeland is defined by a fucking volcano and ash everywhere.
>Suddenly every enemy in the game resists fire or has gear that's enchanted to resist fire, even enemies that are normally weak to fire like undead and vampires.
>DM's IRL friend is also playing and is a Breton specialized in Illusion magic (Enchantment in 5e terms).
>Suspiciously no enemies in the game seem immune or resistant to this, even fucking Dwemer automatons.
>DM brickwalls me every time I try to discuss this out-of-character.

I left the game after 4 sessions, which was honestly 3 sessions too many.

Every GM in this thread sound like they are 13 years old kids.

>>52567643
My GM's taste in what constitutes good fantasy and what is "cool" is definitely that of a 13 year old kid.

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>>52567643
>Come into a topic about retard GMs
>Wonder why all the stories are about retard GMs

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>>52567301
>the lie is unbelievable
such as? As a player, I've bluffed some retarded things. As a DM, I've allowed some beyond retarded things to get bluffed out.
>i'm dm
>PC is human. party at the mercy of a giant dragon
>"dude I'm a dragon in disguise. don't kill us"
>a few rolls (and kekworthy logical fallacies) later
>convinces dragon that he's a dragon

>i'm pc
>party is poor as shit because we just got robbed
>i have 3 gold coins left
>character all about that sleight of hand and "clever" bullshit. played a gambler bard who's shitty at music
>yeah i know. it was retarded.
>talk to a noble. tell him that I have a magical coin that duplicates itself once per day
>sleight of hand ohoho. holding one coin, then bam, two coins in hand
>he doesn't fully believe it
>"come back tomorrow and I'll do it again."
>you can see where this is going.
>we made a decent fortune and disappeared

>>52567335
Over the journey I grit my teeth at most of his bullshit. I'd pilfered and stockpiled everything he claimed to be anti-electricity from every encounter. Was even wearing the hydra's flesh as a full robe, just incase he pulled exactly what he was going to pull.
After he struck the boat, I revealed how much of his anti-thunder shit I was decked out in. He tried to play it off like the lightning was special, but he fucked up with a previous explanation.
His justification for the lightning strike was that it was excess lightning i'd called upon but didn't completely use, meaning that the strike was "my fault".
"So when I'm using the lightning and the enemy has the skin, it's complete resistence... but when it's literally my lightning and I'm using the resistence, it doesn't count?"
>party is pissed
>mfw he actually gives in
>I fly off into the sunset as the lone survivor

These happened roughly 2-5 years ago, and now here I am, writing giant posts of faggotry. Haven't touched D&D for over two years.

>>52567526
So much effort could be saved by the GM simply not being a passive aggressive little bitch about shit like this.

If you think someone is OP, you can always just talk to them, or even tweak encounters to give them a challenge.

Playing DH;

We are hired to investigate a planet, route out some cultists, do our job for the inquisition. I'm playing a female Spacer Psyker, frail, decent shot, my powers all about buffing and i'm never the hostile one. She is joined by a Gaurdsman (who's unstable and wants to be a space marine) a Techpriest with a penchant for goddamn cannibalism, and... i actually can't remember the other one. Some sort of scum?

anyway, we land and immediately i sensed how this was going to play out. waiting for us are two brothers, space marine sized and laughingly green. We, understandably, do not trust these two GMPC's that arn't there to railroad us into oblivion. The EVENTUALLY (the guardsman helped) dragged us off to a random disgraced space marine's hidey hole. Which resulted in the not-space marine freaking out and attacking us (but mostly Gork and mork) and then running off into the forest.

Our group decided to go and meet our contact in the nearby town, raise some meat shields to help us out, and generally prepare carefully for the carnage ahead.

>One should note, we have yet to make contact with our Operator on the ground, the two brothers are not mission we are looking for.

This is of course, cock blocked by the Not-Orks saying we should go and murder people. When we finally convinced them to leave (rolled for convincing the brothers, critted) the FOREST GROWS AROUND THE PARTY, REVILING A SINGLE PATH DEEPER INTO THE WOODS.

The landscape railroaded us. So far, nothing but railroading has happened (every time we try and do anything, things happen that either negate what we just do, or make it impossible, retroactively, to do anything that isn't what the DM wants). We eventually find a random cave (all signs point to cultists) and who's right in the front room? Mr/ Spezzmarine, in full (blood angels) armour, angry as shit. Gork and Mork are there, taking punches and being orky (seriously described as humans, definitely orks)

1/dunno i'm writing as i go

>>52568324
2/dunno

My Psyker sneaks by the massive melee to go and find the cultists (DM almost rage quit when i succeeded the roll). Pop Pop taken heads and cappin bitch's time. clear the room of the chanting, not fighting back... goddamnit. Dm was clever and made the deaths open a portal to the warp! of course he DID!

try to use mind powers to close the portal, fail even though i'm hitting my top rolls. Try to blow up the portal, fail because 'they got wet'.

Arm comes through, panic at the table, no one knows how to end this unfun, completely pointless game.

I'm determined to end the game, somehow, on a fun note however. I decide, for the glory of the emporah, to jump into the warp and close it from that side. Literally tackling the probably giant horror that is coming through, i get my first important crit.

Now i'm in the warp, facing motherfucking Tzeentch. Decide to attempt to 'steal some of his power and fight the bitch'. Dm tells me to roll, a roll i expected to loose.

Critted, the dm in his glory asks me to confirm (first crit that's been asked to do this all game) critted that. Now, something our DM does because he's a dickwaffle, is cascading crits, you crit on confirm, you roll again to see if you do more etc

6 crits in a row.

In the end, i became a god of chaos that sided with humanity and hangs out with emperor as his legit angel.

In my games at least.

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>>52568493
>random bunch of cultists summoning tzeentch
Wat

>>52567763
>such as?
All sorts of things. Claiming I was someone else, claiming I had authority over someone or something, saying people went thataway, trying to talk my way past guards, convincing people to surrender by tricking them into thinking I had backup. Some of them were pretty outrageous, although I can't remember any specific ones at the moment. Others were very basic stuff, like the entire purpose of the bluff skill. It didn't really matter what it was. The GM just hated it when players tried to use skills to talk their way out of combat, and he would never allow it.

>>52568550
EXACTLY

>>52568493
But how do you "crit" or have "cascading crits" in the FF-d% system? I mean, you can crit on dam. rolls, but there's no inherent crit on skill-checks, just degrees of success.

>>52568837
Just how there are no crits on skillchecks in DND but that ain't never stopped anybody from doing EPIC LULAZY NAT TWENTIES.

>>52568883
True enough, but while I can suspend disbelief just enough to believe someone may have rolled 6 20's in a row ( 1 : 65 million odds )
I cannot suspend disbelief enough to believe someone rolled 001 on d%, 6 times in a row.
( 1 : 1000 billion odds)

>>52568837
>>52568883
EXACTLY

>very first DM I ever had is old school player vs DM as fuck
>enemies will steal your spellbook if you're a mage, disarm you for a fighter, etc
>the whole party end up with hyper self sufficient egalitarian monsters for PCs
>wizards tattooing spells on their bodies
>people dipping in Monk for unarmed striking damage so weapons can't be taken away
>rogues hiding needles under their skin

When I actually played with other DMs later everyone thought I was fucking crazy. EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST TOO SOFT NOW

>>52568967
DM stealing or destroying the wizard's spellbook is the ultimate cunt move.

>>52568960
Was a bot in irc, loved my dick apparently. I don't think she ever rolled terrible for me.

>>52568960
Shrug, I don't know what rules are for crits that are present in darkheresy.
Could've been that roll from 0 to 9 is considered a crit. Or 0 to 5 and its same odds as d20s.

>>52568967
Forged in the fires of hell you were.

>>52568995
No, it was actually as borked as the odds suggest.

We were playing in IRC and using a bot that wasn't programmed well, for whatever reason it liked to give me what amounted to only crits.

It was kinda shit desu, and a completely underwhelming amazing thing.

>>52568967
I fucking love this.

>>52568988
In that case the bot was broken.
Put it like this; In the history of humans randomizing d%.rolls, for work or pleasure, the sequence of 6 consecutive (random) rolls coming out 1, should not have occured. Because it is that fucking unlikely.

>>52569060
Damn, anon, you have legit point but I can't help but remember one DM that would flip out about unrandom bots any time a dicepool (storyteller) would roll above average.

We even spammed rolls for test and I plugged them into a graph to show that they are fucking uniform within like 5% variance, but didn't stop shit.

>>52569060
i know, Dm insisted we use bot (hosted by a third, unrelated party), bot loved my dick, so i can't explain it other than;

EXACTLY.

>>52568967
Man your early games were metal

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>>52565939
>>I'm fucking immune to lightning

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>>52568967
Saved for posterity

>>52568967
Kek

You made it sound like you have PTSD there bud

>>52565939
>>52567526

>Join 4e game after years of no RPGs
>Want to roll up a dwarf barbarian
>DM basically rolls up my character for me, an elf ranger who specialises in sniping with ice attacks
>First two encounters are fine, still getting to grips with the system
>Third session onwards
>Suddenly ceilings are just high enough that not even dark vision can see that high
>Vampire spawn and slimes drop from the roof when my character is under them
>Ghosts and shit rise from the floor around my character
>Every ranged attack also targets my character, even though the party has a sorcerer and a warlock who deal way more damage than my character
>Can't do shit because my min/maxed dude can only shoot
>Not phased when my character runs out of HP for the first time
>Ready to roll up a character that I actually have control over
>LOLNO, death saves
>Fucking pass and stabilise

>Game dies
>Learn later that rangers are supposed to be able to do way more than just move and shoot
>DM borrowed my copy of Wind Waker for the game cube, then vanished from the face of the earth

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>>52568967
>your first DM gave you PTSD

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bumping for more stories.
>fucking immune to lightning

>>52567243
>Might have been a dick move to stop an evil necromancer
sure pal.

>>52567595
>>52565939
I don't get it, why do DMs do this shit? I've only DM'd one game, but I just don't understand it. Are they seeing DMing as a fight against the PCs?

>>52574721
I accidentally made a fight that our rogue couldn't participate in due to immunity to sneak attack and DR. He zoned out for the entirety of combat and seemed melancholic. It was my mistake, but I still felt awful. I don't understand how a DM could repeatedly ruin someone's fun like that on purpose.

>>52568967
More stories?

>>52574964
Probably strong dislike for the player/character or a misguided belief that because they're powerful, the whole party will be bored/dead, so they try to "nerf" them but overdo it.

Or they're fucking mental, I don't know.

>pc
>me and my party mates are working to reform a broken kingdom
>I was the de facto leader of new kingdom
>spend campaign reforming an army to bring peace and stability to the land
>final battle is a siege on a large town thats occupied by high level bandits
>dm asks me how many "companies" my army i brought with me has
>tell him 5 (I just assumed based on what I've already done)
>he makes me roll 5 dice
>he rolls 5 dice
>"oh, that sucks, looks like your entire army was defeated"
>wtf
>tell him to his face "I'm not gonna fucking play this game if that's the shit you're going to pull"
>mention how I put all this effort into building an army and then laying siege to the town and being strategic
>he wants to wipe it all away with dice rolls with no real context
>he backs down and lets me do my thing
>tells me later I brought "overkill" because the bandits were caught by surprise and were mostly drunk and lazy
>think to myself that he almost just let a bunch of drunk, lazy bandits caught by surprise wipe out an entire army of trained soldiers because he wanted to be lazy

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>5e
>The DM is new, lets us use whatever book we want, only that we're all level 1
>Play a Lizardman Paladin, with a detailed backstory
>He barely understands anything that's going on plot related
>Only wants to help people and constantly smile
>8ft lizardperson constantly baring its fangs to what amounts as a world's poorest attempt of a smile
>Party also consists of a dwarf fighter, tiefling warlock and a tabaxi bard who liked to get naked
>fighter and warlock are new guys but pretty chill. Tabaxi player was just trying to be funny, but honestly RPed really well
>meet in a tavern
>dwarf immediately starts arguing with the racist old tavernkeeper
>dwarf challenges the tavern-keeper into fisticuffs
>80+ yr old tavern-keeper accepts
>knocks out the fighter in one turn, after using an Extra attack and magical monk gloves
>turns out he used to be an adventurer, but wants to life a peaceful life
>haha, the tavern-keeper is actually a level 7 monk

>>52576449
>get quest from a lord of the kingdom
>some duke is acting weird, sending knights to raid the village for supplies
>go to said village tavern
>ask around for rumours, etc.
>the tavern-keeper is described as a "shady, slim and powerful looking man wearing a hood"
>uh oh
>ask him if he's also a level 7 monk
>he says no, but he used to be an adventurer
>he got tired of that life and now is an tavern-keeper to live peacefully
>we need to infiltrate into the duke's castle
>Tabaxi makes up a brilliant plan
>villagers wait until next raid, use traps that the party will help create to bring some down and when the castle is undefended, we march in
>at night we're woken up by the tavern-keeper and 20 villagers
>we go this night and infiltrate through a secret passage, Tabaxi's plan is never mentioned
>go through the sewers, generic spike pit trap
>tiefling accidentally falls into a large pit with huge spikes
>fails FOUR various save checks in a row
>the tavern-keeper graciously leaps over and saves him
>uh oh

>>52574721
Because adversity is good, but some people are shit at creating it naturally and so try to force it.

Alternatively, they're being petty cunts.

>>52576525
>no saving throw or anything, he just saves him
>Tabaxi makes up a great plan to get all 20 villagers across the spike pit, but using ropes and shit
>midway through explanation they jump and die
>we never needed them anyway
>get through generic monsters straight from the MM
>skellies, etc.
>the shady slim tavern-keeper meanwhile keeps spilling exposition
>we keep making fun of his edginess by not trusting him IC
>he's fighting literally like a level 3 rogue
>go near the duke's quarters
>as we approach the door, I get up to bring the grid and the miniatures
>"oh we won't need them"
>uh oh
>the tavernkeeper says he knows that the old duke is dead and that a shapeshifter took his place
>he's hunted him for 20 years and now they're due to battle
>out of all the characters he gives my paladin a wing-shaped necklace
>says I'm destined to do great things
>the 8ft lizardperson keeps nodding as if he understands anything
>turns out the tavern-keeper is also the same race as the would-be duke
>he opens the door, long monologue on how he waited for this day
>he sprouts angelic wings on his back
>uh oh

>>52576610
>get a level-up IN THE MIDDLE OF A SESSION
>we get no choice if we want to participate
>we must run or die because their power is so much more powerful
>whole castle starts crumbling
>giant cinematic fight occurs as the tavern-keeper now an angel is fighting a giant demon in the sky
>explosions of magic and shit
>I remind the party that he still fought the skellies like a level 3 rogue
>the tiefling says he probably didn't want to waste spell-slots
>yeah makes sense
>suddenly angel dies, the demon teleports away
>the village is attacked by demons and shit
>run back to the lord of the kingdom
>he's an angel who's part of this secret society which has to protect the humanity
>angel gave me his necklace so now I'm also a member and the chosen one also
>he gives me an another necklace for the bravery in the big fight
>aw sweet an another necklace
>lizardperson way too excited about the new necklace to keep track of the plot
>turns out the lord, who looks like any other generic dude is the leader of this secret angelic society and he's also an insanely powerful wizard
>ha ha, the pompous duke is actually a level 15 wizard

>>52576692
>The lord of the kingdom, now a wizard, gives all of us magical items
>Magic items at level 2, right
>DM rolls dice before the session giggling how lucky/unlucky we got
>my character got one more roll extra and turns out he's supposed to get some sick magic shit that's awesome
>refuse immediately
>IC the Lizardperson is way too grateful with the pendant to care about silly magic shit
>OOC I hate when the whole party gets stupid OP two sessions in
>tells us to go to blacksmith to repair gear
>the generic dwarf blacksmith tells us that he will make our weapons or armor +1 but not both
>what the hell, how can you enchant these mundane items so easily?
>he was a powerful wizard but became a blacksmith...
>...because he wanted to live a peaceful life, unironically said the DM
>refuse because whoever is secretly a wizard cannot be trusted
>other party members gladly take their magic shit
>tabaxi gets oil of etherealness
>its oil, that means it goes on the skin
>disrobes near the lake, applies generously
>ha ha, the naked tabaxi is now ethereal

>>52576777
>Tabaxi makes up a great plan to invade the prison cells and release the prisoners because why not
>Perception check at prison, nat 20
>turns out he can't really release the prisoners anyway when he's ethereal and the guards don't carry the cell keys
>Tabaxi makes up a great plan to get rich
>He waits until the oil effect ends, appears in front of 10 guards IN MID AIR throwing gold coins around
>a naked cat-man with a money-shower appears from nowhere
>he sings that he's the cat-god of money and luck. Whoever donates him all their gold will forever be rich
>Aces the performance roll, nat 20 the deception roll
>guards fail insight
>A new guard comes down and doesn't buy it
>"Umm no, I think I saw you before"
>the other guards who failed their insight checks become immediately convinced
>Tabaxi tries to run
>Guards catch him
>Tries to use magic to get away
>"You didn't notice huge glowing runes on the wall. They prevent any magic"
>He nat 20 the perception check but didn't notice the glowing runes
>ha ha, the naked tabaxi is now imprisoned

>>52576882
Unless this story ends with everyone throwing the DM in a vat of acid, I plead you to stop. I legit want to pummel his face until it looks like a bear's ass.

>>52576882
No, ignore >>52576926

KEEP GOING

>>52571574
>DM borrowed my copy of Wind Waker for the game cube, then vanished from the face of the earth

Look on the bright side, you'll never have to interact with him again. He'll go out of his way to avoid you saving you the trouble.

>>52566573
kek. Shoulda trapped his soul in a gem and placed it in a treasure room for your own contemplation instead. Punishment for being a jackass.

>>52576882
>Get the Tabaxi out of prison by convinced the Lord
>He tells us something destroyed 7 Elf villages in the east
>In one day
>There are no survivors
>What the actual everloving fuck. How can there be not a SINGLE survivor after 7 entire villages get DELETED in a few hours??
>Nope there's none. The elves need help, go talk to them
>We go to the elven lands
>Immediately stopped by a hippie and his wolf, he asks if we got any non-natural items and shit.
>What the hell, we're on a mission to save your dumbass people.
>Rules are rules, we got to check on you
>A FUCKING ELVISH CUSTOMS
>We discuss among ourselves if we want to beat the hippie up and get on with the mission
>Suddenly we notice a bristling in the trees around us
>Literally a hundred thirty elvish archers pointing arrows at us
>Lizardperson smiles and waves at them. Asks why they were pretending to play elvish customs when their families were being eaten in one night
>Those 130 archers sure would have been handy in protecting those villages
>We comply to be searched. The wolf sniffs us out
>The wolf nods, after the dwarf gets rid of some staff or shit.
>The wolf turns into a magnificent Elvish elder, who tells us we can pass
>ha ha, the wolf is actually a level 17 druid.

>>52567526
did you pick up the enemy archer's arrows?

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>>52568550
I bet they weren't even really powerful enough or intelligent enough to do that Tzeentch just decided to come through for shits and giggles then fuck off back home without actually doing anything in realspace. That'd be the kind of thing he'd do.

>>52576980
Holy shit, please keep going.

>>52576980
>try to drink glass of water
>gets caught in my throat
>choke and puke it up
>it takes form on the ground
>it's a level 20 elemental
>also an angel
>he settled down as a glass of water to live a peaceful life

I'm beyond kek at your DM

>>52576980
>The elvish elder gives the Lizardman a new necklace that allows passage into elvish territories
>Too overjoy at a new necklace added to the collection to hear plot
>Players get increasingly worried that everyone here is secretly a powerful being
>Get into carriage, start going
>See a "Wolf in shining bright fur" battling some hellhounds
>Hell no, the last time we stopped the carriage in elvish lands we got into the customs
>Decide to run over the wolf and the hellhounds
>The DM asks the tiefling (who's handling the carriage) to throw a Dex save
>He fails, being a warlock and all
>Gets oneshotted in an explosion, destroying the carriage in half
>turns out one of the hellhounds attacked
>without rolling initiative or anything
>as the tiefling lay there dying, my paladin wants to heal him up
>in 5e if you heal at least one point, the person gets conscious immediately
>I don't like that rule, but whatever. Heal the poor fellow for 10HP, enough to not die and fight a bit
>"Okay, so we're not doing it that way. If you heal somebody who's unconscious, you have to first heal 5 HP for every Death saving throw success he needs.
>I play the healer in this game and just found out that my powers will be useless for a long while.
>uh oh

>>52576449
That's actually pretty funny....

>>52576525
>>52576610
>>52576692
>>52576777
>>52576882
>>52576980
FUCKING HELL!

>>52577139
>The tiefling still lies there dying
>start fighting the 4 hellhounds
>assholes are tough, considering we're level 3
>the wolf fights like his stats were literally like a wolf's
>Our bard gets the attention of two hellhounds and gets one shotted next round
>fighter is at extremely low health
>The encounter is practically unwinnable at this point
>the DM says that the wolf finally satisfied his condition and the wolf becomes immense, growing at least five times
>immediately rips apart a hellhound into shreds, without a saving throw for the poor hellhound
>starts immediately smacking the other hellhound with multiple attacks, as if the rule of "one action and bonus action per turn" was hidden too deep in the wolf's shining white fur
>one shots an another hellhound
>meanwhile the Tiefling sucessfully stabilises himself but the Tabaxi fails his rolls
>The Tabaxi is now dead
>My character gets a bit mad and sees that it's no longer worth fighting, because the hellhounds stand no chance against this insane beast of a wolf.
>Wolf shreds another hellhound when it's not his turn
>I ask the DM if the hellhound can throw any saving throw, because it isn't fair for these poor guys
>no
>uh oh

>>52577139

>"Okay, so we're not doing it that way. If you heal somebody who's unconscious, you have to first heal 5 HP for every Death saving throw success he needs.

And I bet that this was the first time he mentioned that particular house rule.

>>52577234
>now that the encounter is made easier by killing the hellhounds who didn't even get a saving throw the wolf turns back into a small one
>the Lizardperson notices its small cat-person friend lays motionless
>Slams his sword to the ground, runs up to the Tabaxi
>Looks into the pale face and slowly starts sobbing
>The Tabaxi is absolutely dead
>The Lizardperson starts taking off his amulets, one by one
>IC he was so floored with grief that he couldn't wear trophies while his friends die around him
>OOC I realized that the necklaces are important to the plot so I made sure that they'd be easier to recover since I was planning to play next week with all this shitshow
>Finally, the fighter barely finishes off the last hellhound.
>The wolf looks at us and turns into a fucking druid, I shit you not.
>Lizardperson REALLY hates druids now
>The druid tells us not to worry about our friend.
>With a flick of the hand he healed the tiefling and me for 50-ish health each.
>Fighter gets visibly upset as this would have been useful in the previous fight
>The dwarf fighter starts shouting and asking why didn't he do that in the first place, why did he even need our help
>The druid smacks the dwarf in the face, dealing 3D10 damage. The dwarf falls unconscious
>ha ha, the wolf is actually a druid who's actually a level 9 barbarian

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>>52577234

>>52577359
>uh oh

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>>52577359
>from "The wolf looks at us and turns into a fucking druid, I shit you not." and down.
Holy fuck, dude.

>>52577359
May I ask something?
Did you guys ever realized that you could just leave and go do something non-retarded?

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>Playing 5e
>I wanted a simple character, having been inspired by the story of the Beast from 40k, I decided to play an Ork.
>Roll up an Orc Monk, Way of the Open Hand
>His name was 'eadrippa
>He ripped off people's heads
>That was his finishing move, and defining trait
>He enjoyed it, had fun doing it, started up a successful clan of Orcs doing SOLELY THAT
>His advisor, Skrod, who actually set up the clan, and did all of the thinking, set up an eldritch ritual to give 'Eadrippa more power. He tattooed a demonic symbol on his back between his shoulderblades.
>Whenever 'Eadrippa ripped someone's Head off, he got a little bigger.
>There wasn't actually any in game reflection of this, it was purely aesthetic.
>Skrod used this mark to give sacrifices to his demon masters from beyond the void, as he was in actuality a Warlock.
>'Eadrippa, upon learning this, didn't really give a shit.
>Skrod ended up finding a more powerful Orc in the clan, took away his mark and kicked 'Eadrippa out.
>'Eadrippa didn't really care, just wanted to rip heads.
>He meets the rest of the party while working as an executioner for a small town who were afraid of the 10ft big Ork that liked to rip heads.
>Everyone else had an edgy backstory full of sadness and angst.
>'Eadrippa liked to rip heads
>The Wizard, Druid and Paladin all had a nemesis they needed to kill
>'Eadrippas nemesis was any skull still attatched to its vertebrae.
>DM was cool with it at first but killed off 'Eadrippa after half the campaign because he got pissy at my lack of ambition.
>'Eadrippa ended up exploding with Eldritch power randomly out of nowhere halfway through a fight with the BBEG's sub-sublieutenant.
>'E lives on to this day as my favourite character.

>>52577359
>The lizardperson finally has enough
>This druid can heal and kill others at will
>We, the adventurers who wanted just to save the elvish village, are just pawns to him
>The druid, who's actually an elf, tries to calm me and approaches me with arms open
>The lizardperson hugs him
>a 2D6+4 damage hug, as the greatsword suprisingly hits through his AC
>Double divine smite, roll pretty decent
>26 damage
>The druid looks visibly injured by this attack
>Calmly tells the lizardman to call down in a wise tone
>Fuck you, you killed my buddy
>Hit him again, 10 damage
>He flicks his wrist and the Tabaxi gets back to life
>The player clearly doesn't want to participate in this shitfest
>His screaming soul is pulled back into his lifeless body
>"No! I don't want to go there! Not back! No!" - the soul screamed
>Yet it was rammed back into this cruel world all the same
>I look into the Tabaxi player's eyes. We nod. We're not leaving this campaign in tact
>The Tabaxi starts beating the shit out of the druid as well, who is purposefully not defending himself
>Another 20 damage later it looks like we're going to kill him
>His hair starts glowing pure white and we see that he transforms into a golden-robe-clad "paragon of all life and virtue"
>ha ha, the wolf transformed into a level 7 druid who transformed into a level 20 paragon of all life and virtue.

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>>52577488
I never thought that would be the kind of That Guy i'd be mad at. Making mary sues. Sure they're shitty, but not maddening. But "PARADING OF ALL LIFE AND VIRTUE"
NIGGA WHAT.

>>52577488
>His all wounds turns out to be an illusion.
>He looks regal and perfectly calm
>And then it struck me. In this perfect railroad, the party was the main character
>The paragon is supposed to be our mentor
>NONE OF US CAN DIE or else it would be derailing his story
>We keep hitting him, his AC is pretty high, we can only hope for a crit
>He tries to reason with the Lizardman but eventually caves in and casts a spell
>"Roll Wis saving throw, Lizardperson"
>I fail, because I'm a fucking lizard paladin, I ain't wise
>"Your Inteligence score are now 3"
>I start laughing uncontrollably
>He made up a spell just to reason with me
>The paragon of all life and virtue asks if I'm any calmer
>I calm down
>The lizard however, does not
>Calmly I explain to the DM. Now that my Int score is 3, the lizardperson is basically a giant angry lizard with a greatsword
>How the fuck is an int 3 lizard going to calm down?
>Keep hitting him, hissing and trying to bite the paragon
>The Tabaxi keeps attacking him as well, he didn't want to live anymore and that asshole is playing God.
>Two failed checks later we get runes inscribed into our bodies that say that we cannot pick any weapon up
>More fucking runes
>The lizard then bites the paragon
>Bard starts using magic
>The paragon of all life and virtue suddenly stops reasoning with us.
>uh oh

>>52577656
something tells me that The level 20 paragon of all life and virtue is not the paragon of patience.

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>>52576449
>>52576525
>>52576610
>>52576692
>>52576777
>>52576882
>>52576980
>>52577139
>>52577234
>>52577359
>>52577488
>>52577656
MFW reading this whole thing

Also my first 5e character was also a lizardman paladin. They are the fucking best.

>>52577656
>Could this be it? Could we have pissed the DM enough to kill off the main characters of his story?
>The tiefling player, that awesome guy, tends to the fighter.
>He tries to persuade us, saying that the paragon is much stronger than us, he tries to bring us back to our senses.
>The Tabaxi player both IC and OOC tells him: It's not your fight. It's ours. Run away as fast as you can"
>Remember that this was literally the tiefling's first campaign of DnD. Poor sod.
>The paragon calms down and says that once we calm down, we will find him and that's the only way we shall reach our destiny
>He snares our characters so they couldn't attack
>Literally teleports away
>In the end, nobody dies. The DM wins. The story must go on.
>I stand up, thank the DM for the session. Me and Tabaxi live close, we start packing our shit. The DM still calculates the EXP, saying while laughing that he really didn't expect this
>Me and the Tabaxi are waiting outside for the bus
>The DM comes in, starts sharing his thoughts, asks for ours.
>Sits near my in the same bus
>I almost snap. I just remind myself how he's a new DM and he simply needs guidance. I was probably a shit DM on my first session too.
>I tell him pretty much everything I had on my mind, from the obvious railroad to how everything was secretly a powerful supernatural being.
>I even tell him to write a book if he wants a story so bad
>He nods and says he understands.
>"So guys, same time next week?"

>>52577848
That ending is fucking golden.

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>>52565231
>had a 3e campaign with a group of high school friends many years ago
>everyone is really geeky, as you'd expect, but one kid in particular was just the fucking worst, we'll call him Mick
>every time anything happens to his character he'd bitch and whine like crazy
>any time people would momentarily strike up a conversation about something unrelated he would lose his shit and complain that we aren't "taking the game seriously enough"
>everyone is annoyed by him, even the DM
>we tolerated his presence because we were a small group and we wanted to actually finish a whole campaign
>Mick plays a wizard
>constantly whines that he's not as strong as everyone else, we're only level 4 or so at this point
>I play a fighter
>one day we were traveling somewhere to do something heroic, probably
>details are fuzzy, this was over a decade ago
>anyway, we get lost in the woods and aren't sure which way to go
>Mick decides he's going to climb a tree to see if he can spot any landmarks
>no idea why he volunteered, considering his shitty physical stats
>he makes it up the tree okay
>natural 1 on his roll to climb back down
>gets himself tangled in branches and thoroughly stuck
>fails strength check to break free
>he calls down asking for help
>I climb up the tree and find him stuck
>foliage is dense, no one below can see what's happening in the tree
>I roll to disarm him and take his only weapon, a dagger
>I jam it into his spine and climb back down
>tell the rest of the party "yeah I dunno, he's really fucking stuck up there, I think we just have to leave him"
>they all believe me and we leave
>he spends a few turns bleeding out alone in the tree
>Mick starts breaking down and crying and calling me an asshole OOC
>I say "what, you were stuck, what do you want from me?"
>he leaves and doesn't show up at the next meetup
I felt kind of bad afterwards, but he was genuinely a whiny little crybaby shit who consistently ruined our fun.
I wonder whatever happened to Mick.

>>52577848
Did the DM learn his lesson by the next session, or was he forbidden from DMing ever again?

>>52577848
>He nods and says he understands.
Why did you not bring this up after the 4 failed saves in the pitfall or the angel/demon fight.
You are equally to blame for this entire cluster fuck.

>"So guys, same time next week?"
If you had to patience to sit it out this far, might aswell go all the way.
Maybe he will try and improve himself.

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>>52577848

>"So guys, same time next week?

>>52577908
jezus christ, are you a sociopath?

>>52568967
This is what I aspire for my players to become as I introduce them to the meatgrinding of early D&D

>>52577848
>>52577943

On Facebook he tells me how much he's planned for our characters next. Turns out my Lizardperson will become a herbalist (he searches for a cure to his ill friend, that's why he became a pally in the first place), the Tabaxi will become a famous performer and the Tiefling will learn the secrets of his Patron through a ritual.
I ask him if our characters could die at point in the story, at all. Did we really have ANY danger in front of us?
"Nope, I need you all alive for the next three sessions. After that, you'll see what happens!"
I just tell him to stop insulting his players intelligence. I tell him we're not fucking retarded and it feels like he's playing our characters for us inside a shitty magical realm story.
After that rant he FINALLY understood that me and the Tabaxi won't be playing anymore.

The Tabaxi player didn't take it so well, he pretty much went mad after the game, ranting on every single stupid shit the DM has done is such a short time. From the runes to fucking paragons. I tell him if he wants a good campaign, why doesn't he run one?

Three months later I, the Dwarf and the Tiefling are still playing the Tabaxi's campaign. The Tiefling now plays an awesome Mastermind Rogue and thankfully hasn't been deterred from playing.

I'm not at all mad at the DM. He only played DnD about 5 times, and it was in my campaign, so I expected this much. But what kills it for me his unwillingess to change anything.

>>52577908
>He's really fucking stuck up there

Kek

>>52577908
Dick move for killing your own player, but gratz on pulling it off so well. Light Yagami/10

>be GM
>PCs need to find a ancient druid and get his help
>they travel to this ancient forest to meet him
>I prepared all a bunch of stuff
>the players would be found by elven rangers
>then they would have to pass trials and shit to see the druid
>when they finally get there, the group's wizard, within minutes, decide that the quickest way to find the druid is to set the forest on fire.

>>52568967
Please tell some stories this sounds amazing. Like dark souls levels of fuck you from your DM.

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>>52568967
That's fucking cool, I wish my players would do that instead of whining every time they have something bad happen to them.

>>52578213
Whining is okay as long as they suffer through it.

>>52577243
Yes it was the first time. The only previous experience of D&D he had was a couple of games in my campaign, where I also used a house-rule for healing characters below 0 HP. I always explained it before anyone created a character, and it's completely different from what he used, so I have absolutely no idea where did he get this idea from. I'd say this was a spur-of-the-moment thing and he didn't want my Paladin to be good at healing as well, but not once did the DM care about the balance of the game, so I have no idea.

>>52577422
I did realize that I could have walked away. I'm glad I didn't, though, I can now share this story. The Tabaxi player should have left earlier, I think. It genuinely made him hate any reference of runes in a game.

>>52577628
It's weird that he also tried his best to make MY character a Mary-Sue, with all the necklaces and hidden destinies. It felt weird and perverse in a way, since my character (I put quite an effort to RP him) kept getting the positive attention of almost every NPC. It was like the lizardperson was the main protagonist of a dystopian sci-fi young adult novel.

>>52577970
He didn't. Some weeks later he told me his biggest mistake was making up his own story and not using the one from the book. I agree. He's not a bad person, just had a VERY different idea of what D&D was as opposed to us. If we got told that this would be an adventure from the D&D books, I would have reacted differently.

>>52577908
"Yeah I dunno, he's really fucking stuck up there"
I don't know why but my sides are gone now.

>40k escalation league
>Asshole brings a forgeworld army with two bloodslaughterers to 750pt game
>He actually gets punched

>>52577970
Fuck, wrong reply.
Anyway, I know I'm partially to blame for this. But I DID talk to him after the first session. I politely said that the game felt like the players didn't have enough agency and felt like our actions didn't have lasting consequences. He nodded and said he understood and he'll do better next time. So I did what any non-cynical person would do and assume that he will learn from his mistakes.
After the second session was this bus scene and of course there was no third session.

I had the patience to sit out because it only lasted two sessions. After finally reassuring myself that this is going to continue, I got out to find a game that didn't feel like a (hilariously bad) waste of time.

>>52578283
christ. How bad did that room stink? What with all the cheese.

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>playing Stars Without Numbers
>two experts, a con artist and an engineer (I think), an AI mechanic and two warriors, an ex-special service and a cyberninja
>fairly serious campaign with everyone playing it completely straight
>except the fucking cyberninja
>the worst "le Chaotic Ebul xd" roleplay I've ever seen
>wants to sell our first plot hook to the black market
>kills living proof of a serious framejob against us
>takes selfies with corpses
>described as a "thrill junkie"
>wears a daft punk helmet that displays emoticons
>for some bastard reason he was our captain

>>52578558
Let me guess, he was the GMs friend.

>>52578599
He might have been? Didn't really ask them, but thankfully he had to leave after a while and never returned.

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>Playing a Homebrew system made by GM
>In abandoned house of Necromancer DMPC that is constantly at odds with Paladin and Honor obsessed Polearm fighter
>We find out that said DMPC has created abominations of technology and dead people to try and bring back the dead for real
>Entire party begins to talk about killing or turning in DMPC when we meet up with her again
>DM is surprised, saying she was doing it to try and save her mothers life
>Cool motive, still murder
>He redoes her backstory so its actually her dad that made the Tech horrors, and that she was locked away in her room
>Says we would be screwing up the story if we got her killed

>>52578170
That's the proper way to play a wizard, honestly.

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>>52578786
>>Says we would be screwing up the story if we got her killed
>not rolling with it
>not trying to tell a different story since this one's fucked
>being so upfront about the entire universe getting re-written because "muh story"

Take away his dice, his boards and his screen.
Then burn them.

>>52567763

All shit that never happened.

>>52568967
Reminds me of a more extreme version of a DM I used to play with. I joined partway through and I heard one of the players, who had decided to play a mount-based Fighter in 3e, had his mount eaten in session ... 2? The DM apparently hated Bards and Rangers and would just fuck over anyone who played one (after oking the character), but at least he was up front about it so I guess that makes it better?

The main thing that applied to me is that he apparently liked to alignment swap Clerics and Paladins and the like, and I wanted to play a Cleric (largely because the players were begging me to play a healer and I don't particularly like Druids). Thankfully I was aware of the rules in 3.X relating to Clerics of metaphysical concepts, so I picked one that could reasonably be applied to all alignments and rolled with that. When I told him about the character he cracked some joke about not being able to alignment swap me.

>Playing through LMoP with some friends
>I've DM'd a few other systems with another group of friends, but this all of our's first D&D campaign
>The part rolled their characters, one guy gets an absolutey broken monk that just tears through everyone's assholes
>Rest of the party roll fairly balanced, maybe more on the good side
>Other players are a Bear Totem Barb, a Dragonborn Paladin, a half-elf Old One warlock, and a ranger lol
>The party is doing great till we get to the part where you fight the young green dragon
>They kind of just charge in, not really understanding what a threat a dragon can be
>The fight is challenging for them, but everyone seems to be enjoying and manage to do a bunch of fun and wacky shit
>The dragon's poison breath ends up doing a crap ton of damage
>Leads to the death of the ranger and the monk
>Overall it turned into one of the most memorable and fun encounters for reasons that are too long for one post
>Everyone is laughing and having a good time at the stupid shit that just occurred
>Except the monk player
>He's super butthurt that his broken ass character died because he saw his character as just numbers, and he knows the odds of getting that good of a character again are slim
>Asks if he can just be another monk
>We tell him that's lame and ask him to pick another class
>He looks like he's on the verge of tears and says he doesn't want another character, he wants his old character back
>Takes us 20 minutes to show him how strong he could be as a rogue to convince him to even roll a new character
>The rest of the campaign he stays sad that his 20 Dex, 17 Wis monk is dead and refuses to get into any state of roleplay

He was the host of the games too, since his basement is nice. I didn't actually think people cried over their D&D characters, tho. Or refuse to play if they can't be OP.

>>52568960
Anon, I want you to consider that someone out there has actually won the lottery. It wasn't you. This doesn't mean that nobody ever wins the lottery.

Unfuck your perception of statistical probability.

>>52577848

Literally shit that never happened. Props for not filling it with "lol NAT FUKKEN TWENNY!" and peppy prose though.

Playing 5e. That guy plays a caster who only takes blasty AoE spells. His backstory is he just can't control his magic. Constantly fucked over melee with friendly fire.

Refuses to take abilities available to mitigate friendly fire "cause it is against his character backstory".

Fuck you edgelord.

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Man this is a really weak one compared to everything else and it didn't help my first dnd character was a edgelord loner.

But jfc, how can someone be so incompetent to not describe AGRO GUARDS at a gate.

>>52578839
I can't, the GM is a good friend of mine who I see all the time.

Its been a (mostly) fun game, but stuff like this is really frustrating at times.

>>52579148
God damnit that shit pisses me off

My char couldnt control his magic, so he'll never ever learn to!

>Game where we all start as recruits for the city guard
>Roll up a shield-focused fighter that'll tank and protect his allies, eventually go into Battlemaster for maneuvers
>DM has one of his super awesome level 5 master guardsmen beat the shit out of two of our party members for talking during the initial briefing
>Through some manipulation by the party warlock, two party members actually manage to stand their ground a bit and almost beat him
>Suddenly captain of the guard comes in, reprimands everyone
>Tells us we'll all be getting a new uniform
>A cudgel and a tabard
>No other equipment allowed
>Ask if I can still take my shield with me
>Nope
>Ask why the fuck not
>OOC Quote: "Why do you think city guards die all the time, lol"
>Ask to reroll considering my feat, fighting style, and stats were centered around shields
>Refuses to let me reroll
>Drop game at the end of the first session

Other highlights include:

>adding one of his friend's PCs in as a criminal the group had to capture, who was a 7th level fucking rogue
>Refusing to let us talk to NPCs about the town we were in
>Having criminals we secured with manacles automatically make their strength saves to break manacles

Damn shame, because I really liked the idea of a city guard game.

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>>52579013
It's dnd. None of the shit in this thread actually happened.

Tell a story or fuck off, retard.

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>>52565939
saved for future generations

>>52576958
>That Guy DM<Windwaker on Gamecube

>>52580633
>Not saving the lizardman paladin story.

Pls save it, I really like it.

Don't die on me!

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>playing campaign 2 in a multi campaign group built universe
>one player is the half elf fighter son of his last conan esque character from previous game
>we'll call him buddy
>buddy stacks abilities that add damage dice to his rolls because no one else had done it last game this is literally his second character for this system
>after being buffed by party bard buddy does crazy damage
>one shots a surprised frost giant
>has high dex so he can dodge almost anything physical coming at him
>but this is not a that guy story, this is a that gm story
>buddy's ability to stab shit to death pisses gm off
>toward beginning of campaign That gm (tgm) introduces his gmpc, a "freed" mechanical golem with amnesia that our bard named Friend
>tgm is giving Friend all kinds of upgrades such as a bolted on shield, and a magic smithing hammer that was gifted to him by an ancient giant king we were escorting
>bbeg is a centuries old sorceress that uses blood magic to control those whose blood she has
>final battle buddy gets buffed by bard to go in and help kick ass
>suddenly revealed that bbeg has control of buddy's previous character and we have to fight him
>father-son fight ensues with buddy subduing his old character easily with bard buffs and assistance of shape shifting druid player
>tgm tells buddy that he feels compelled to attack the bard
>wtf
>tgm says buddy's father's blood flows through his veins so bbeg can control him
>buddy asks if he gets a chance to fight the control, tgm says it's blood magic so no
>buddy hands his character sheet to tgm and says "have at it" as he sits out the rest of the fight
>lo and behold Friend has a memory surge and realizes his purpose as we are getting our collective dicks kicked in by bbeg and buddy's 2 characters
>Friend sprouts fucking needles from his fingers, walks up to bbeg without being attacked as she is in shock of this golem approaching her and jabs the needles into her side, draining her of blood in an instant
cont

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>>52570965
>jpg

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>>52581938
>after sorceress drops dead we get told that Friend was built to kill blood mage and seeing the bbeg triggered his memory of it
>buddy's 2 characters are freed immediately and tgm goes on talking asking about how our characters live the rest of there lives after the game ends
> like his gmpc didn't just one shot the bbeg
It's one of those situations where we can't boot him cuz he's a good friend and we play at his place but holy fuck does he have some faults in his gm game. I got a few more of those if anyone wants to hear, but it'll be a while gotta get some sleep. I'll check the thread in the morning.

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>>52579112
>Literally shit that never happened.

It's a story of a table top fantasy game, of course it didn't "literally" happen you fucking retard.

>>52577698
>patience is a virtue
>paragon of life and virtue runs out of patience
>therefore runs out of virtue
>and life
YAY DEATH BY LINGUISTICS!

>>52568960
>1000 billion
If only we had a word for this.

>>52577139
>turns out one of the hellhounds attacked
>without rolling initiative or anything
Having initiative be rolled after surprise round isn't so bad...is it?

>>52577848
>"So guys, same time next week?"

"Sorry, man. I'm retiring from role playing games to become a librarian and live peacefully."

>>52582283
now that's a good character idea, a magical lawyer that kills/unmakes enemies with logical fuckery

>>52579112
I wish I had this sort of imagination and drive to post a fictional story about a fictional game on a taiwanese rice-sharing website at 2AM.

It's real and that's why it was so fucked up.

>>52582738
The DM never mentioned anything about a surprise round. And honestly, we weren't that surprised - we could SEE the hellhounds and we wanted to crush them under the carriage. If anything, I'd said the hellhounds, who were already fighting a wolf should have been the ones surprised.

>>52582568
Not that guy, but in some places, and I believe the UK, the names increment by 10^6. So a trillion would be a million billion. Just a guess

>>52579090
Eh let the poor fucking get raised
It shouldn't be that expensive anyway, though the ranger should be allowed to die and come back as better class

>>52582039
Wow, fuck that noise

>>52565231
A *former* friend of mine once ran a game that was mostly fun except for one, major, annoying, grievance.

His villains were literally the worst. Every single villain- EVERY. SINGLE. VILLAIN. Turned out to be "lol actually a good guy just very extremist methods" and we could never manage to actually kill any of them, no matter how insufferable and assholish they were, they would always survive our attempts to kill them by some GM-fiat.

The real cake-taker though was this bullshit catgirl lady who had literal plot-invincibility because she was a character in a story the GM was making on the side and had made the campaign into a sort of crossover-prequel with.

I wish I was making that up, and it still makes me rage to this day; and this happened like... Around a decade ago now.

(BTW no his bullshit villains in campaigns is not actually why we're no longer friends. He later became a super-obsessive brony and cut ties with anyone who didn't absolutely love MLP unconditionally.)

>>52584790
Oh right, and forgot to mention that pretty much every villain (except the aforementioned catgirl who only made one appearance then was never seen again thankfully) we ended up having to team up with after having put in so much effort to kill them.

Like after so much plotting and skirmishes with their goons, they'd get a chance to talk to us diplomatically and explain that there's this bigger fish to fry and why we need to team up with them. It got so tiring that when the latest one pulled it before the campaign eventually petered off, our characters were actively plotting to still murder the bitch anyway and the GM was trying SO HARD to make sure we wouldn't end up doing it, but we were committed because she was such an uber bitch.

Big dump incoming
>running custom d100 based game
>a thing to know is that it is modular and classless, with everything being handled by skills and feats
>because of this, characters are very flexible, and many can splash skills in things like magic
>go a friend's house and think it'll be out mutual friends and one of his other friends
>turns out he'd asked if it was ok for another of his friends to play
>somehow slipped my mind, think I mixed the two up and especially since their names are both uncommon and similar
>in any case, everyone filters in after a while but the first friend of a friend is late
>I go around and guide them through character building, get some background, motivations, generally work in some good stuff
>the second friend of friend (hereby referred to as "Derailer," which was his actual PC name) makes a pretty good though somewhat cliche backstory that we expand into something pretty well fleshed out
>he also decided to be a follower of the setting's god of law and to be a sort of evil-smiting paladin
>other characters are a human thief, a shrimp follower of the god of chaos played by the host's little brother, a tentacle thing cleric of the god of law played by the host, a fucking catgirl mage (the player insisted, sue me), and the latecomer's fungoid cleric of the god of death
1/5

>party starts in the market of a smallish port town with the thief pickpocketing someone wealthy, the catgirl wandering around, the shrimp skulking about, and the various religious types in their own subgroup milling about
>Derailer sees the thief stealing and decides to sneak up on him to smack him with his club made of a section of railroad track
>thief doesn't hear him, but the wealthy dude does
>affluent guy turns to see a looming masked man with a club reared up and ready to attack and screams for the guards
>some guards come in from all directions and manage to surround the thief and Derailer
>say that the two are under arrest, and they will be brought to the town jail for questioning
>the Derailer, paragon of justice that he is, decides to bash a guard with his club
>this is where I should have intervened
>he manages to turn the poor guy into bloody pulp, but not before the fungoid manages to cast a spell severing the man's soul for collection
>the rest of the guards are naturally pissed, and the magic-using guard captain decides that forced incapacitation is very necessary
>the thief notices an opportunity to escape and attempts a short-ranged teleport but ends up teleporting right next to tentacle cleric, who then proceeds to grapple him and latches on even as the thief teleports again
>guard captain proceeds to manipulate air pressure to knock out the Derailer and fungoid and manages to knock out the fungoid
>Derailer nopes out, slings the fungoid over his back, and runs deeper into the city
>guards capture cleric and thief
2/5

>cleric and thief are brought for questioning and instead of complying the cleric lies that he did not know the other two
>the lie is detected, and the cleric is held for further questioning along with the thief (both are clasped with antimagic collars for their imprisonment)
>meanwhile, the fucking shrimp decides that it is in his best interest to convince the guards that the cleric and thief are very dangerous and need to be transported to a larger city for containment
>thief and cleric are transferred to a magical floating platform that will transport them to a portal outside of the city that will take them to the other city
>is a VERY good liar and is able to convince the head of guard
>Derailer and his fungus buddy are hanging out in an abandoned builing, and manage to deduce which magic platform is holding the cleric
>look for help and find the catgirl, who is willing to raid the platform
>there was a failed attempt in which the Derailer tries to hire the catgirl as a prostitute
>the fungoid manages to create cookies that are made with some odd fungus that he incorporated into his body
>party manages to get to the platform as it enters a shallow ravine, with the catgirl, Derailer, and fungus creeping from behind while the shrimp skulks along the top of the ridge
>the catgirl ventures forth and with the help of her "assets" (mainly pity at being some sort of mutant) manages to convince the guards to eat the cookies
>no immediate effects are apparent
>fungus and Derailer charge in from behind and start to engage the guards
>there are ten guards, and one starts to hallucinate from the fungal cookies
>the fight begins
3/5

>first, the thief and cleric agree that escape is the best option and the thief manages to slip off his manacles
>then he removes his collar and waits
>the shrimp manages to lob chaotic fire at a guard that begins to burn at the fiber of his being and some peel off to engage him
>8 guards left
>catgirl lights a guard on fire, fungus attempts to disassociate the souls of the guards, and the Derailer tries to kill another guard
>this is where it gets really annoying
>Derailer gets mad that the guards have a good amount of HP
>compares this to a rocks fall, everyone dies scenario (he directly references this)
>when I say that this is all directly due to his actions, he says that this encounter is like dropping a black dragon on a level 1 party
>I again press that it his own damn fault that he's in this place, and that he's being an asshole
>in the squabble, the thief uses his pull spell to try and grab a key off of the guards
>succeeds, and frees himself and the cleric
>cleric heals the guard who was afflicted by chaos fire
>the guard is now unconscious
>thief loots him for a knife and some gold
>shrimp leads his guards away into the brush and manages to escape
>others manage to get most of the guards, save for a big guy and the guards' magic user
>magic user is pissed, and summons an angel
>this angel is a smooth obelisk of gold that starts to come through a portal above the battle
>party decides to nope out
4/5

>cleric boards the platform and grabs the unconscious guard
>angel shoots a flaming beam that creates a wall around the guards' caster and also sets the platform on fire
>thief goes out to grab the other members of the party
>fungus rips his own head off and gives it to the catgirl (he can survive as long as he is in possession of his core)
>thief grabs the catgirl and luckily teleports back to the platform
>Derailer is stuck past the wall of flame
>cleric drives the platform towards the Derailer, but not before the Derailer gets weakened by the mage
>Derailer attempts to latch onto the platform with his club's spike, and barely succeeds
>the party on the platform drives north towards the portal with the angel in tow, but manage to escape its maximum range from the portal
>party go around the portal to the coast, which is where the session ended
As an unexperienced DM, I am at fault for shit going as batshit as it did since I didn't put my foot down at some of their actions, but the guy playing the Derailer was a dick. He also came with a list of decidedly FATAL-like magic items that he wanted to include in the game. In any case, we won't meet for a while and I'll be more prepared and a bit less lenient.

>>52584878
>>52584889
>>52584896
>>52584905
>>52584910
I say you handled it pretty well.

>>52585009
I'm thinking about having the god of law punish the Derailer in some way for directly crushing the law while saying he was devoted to the said god. I don't want to seem directly antagonistic towards the player but I want them to feel the consequences of murderhoboing. I was thinking of having something like a messenger of the god come down the next time he tries something stupid and inscribing him with the entire divine code of law until his indiscretions are paid for. I forgot to mention that I foreshadowed divine intervention through a foreign nod angry presence manifesting itself in his mind.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Vsv_vC7keA

pictured: fa/tg/uy is told he can't play a futamancer

>>52585499
Why paladin get so mad to sneak attack DM?

>>52585499
Lmao that GM could've kicked his ass

>>52577123
undulating coast.

>>52577848

>it turns out your friend the dm was actually a level 12 mindflayer trying to soften your brains with tortorously retarded shit

>>52578558
>>takes selfies with corpses
>>wears a daft punk helmet that displays emoticons
That's actually awesome and I would play with that dude.

>>52579090
I feel bad for the dude.

Especially when you said he couldn't just make a new monk.

I've had characters that retired who I would have been devastated if they died.

I don't think it's unreasonable that someone would just want to roleplay a specific power fantasy.

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>>52582039
So here's more from a later campaign
>tgm let's us make up a race or creature in this universe that came about during a war of the gods
>sweet
>make up a race of half giants whose god created them as soldiers then after the god was killed, they thought they were abandoned and shunned the gods and lived as nomads in the tundra
>they tend to be between 7.5 to 8 feet tall
Hunter gatherer types
>my character is a barbarian of this race
>That GM ( tgm ) makes up a race of synthetic people called the exalted that are made to look like members of other races for infiltration purposes
>literally look like any other race but are made of magic metal that can look like skin and have shining purple eyes
>turns out no one wants to play his super special race
>tgm's wife also playing
>he usually makes up her back story for her with a little input on her part so he can say she made it up herself
>story takes place 1000 years in the future of campaign 2
>bard from before let's tgm talk him into letting a goddess fling his character into the future after fucking him as his new back story
>in this future elves aren't immortal anymore cuz this goddess lost power
>first npc bard beds gets knocked up
>child has only a week long gestation period
>is a teenager in 2 weeks time
>shows mysterious power related to long lost goddess
>great another gmpc
>she is pretty much a leash keeping us on the tracks
>then comes characters from gm wife's back story
> pushing really hard for us to do her "quest line "
>everything we do leads back to her back story quest or this goddess in training quest
> wife's background involves an arranged marriage to a man who's mother owns the largest airship manufacturer in the world
>always sending people after us though it wasn't until the 3rd interaction she realized it was wife's character
>literally has lackeys just bumping into us around the world want to fight for no apparent reason
>then we run into the bbeg Lord Rasmus
Cont.

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>>52588194

>>52585499
What is the fucking context of this? Is the paladin sperging out because the party leader isn't doing what he wants?

>first time playing any dice game, pathfinder
>no one tells me beforehand that i should roll up a character
>have like maybe 20 minutes to roll a character while knowing nothing about character creation
>dms first time
>no one helps me
every time i ask about a mechanic or if it would be a good idea to do X the whole group get increasingly frustrated with me
>end up making a human gunslinger, no one tells me that i can take feats, skills, or even the fucking +2 to any ability
>gunslingers start with gp and a gun
>dm says i have 0 gp
>dm says i cannot start with a gun
>dm says i have to go to the blacksmith to get a gun
>i have no fucking money
>dm wants me to roleplay with him as the blacksmith
>being my very first time, having the group unhappy with me, and having never roleplayed before i am slightly uncomfortable
>ask if i can roll for it
>dm says no
>i push back
>dm begrudgingly agrees
>get something excessively mediocre like a 12 or something
>"okay now roleplay to keep it"
>the amount of money i have remains at 0
>"h-hey these weapons are kinda expensive and not great quality you think you c-could drop the price?"
>dm: "i made all of these you are insulting my work"
>everyone cringes
>i drop spaghetti and someone else (who somehow got starting money) had to buy a gun knife for me
everything was a complete trainwreck and i left after the second session.

frankly im surprised with myself that i even still play because my second time trying to dive in was also really terrible, but it got better after i found a good dm

>>52565939
Have had something similar happen. Played a spellcaster, constantly running into SR heavy creatures. Have to use the limited spells that don't deal with it. GM starts tailoring things to counter them.

Become pigeonholed into a pure buff-monkey.

>>52589230
Man, you had a whole That Group going on. Why bring you in if they're not gonna teach you shit?

>>52578806
I agree

>>52577234
>>The Tabaxi is now dead
I usually can't take meme races seriously, and greentext stories don't usually get to me like this. But fuck man... RIP in peace you glorious bastard.

>>52577359
>he heals Lizardman and the Dwarf when they didn't even need it
>instead of bothering to help based Tabaxi
>just lets the guy die, then acts smug
Now I'm mad.

>>52577488
>he only revives the Tabaxi after you start furiously attacking him out of grief
>was probably going to just leave him dead if you hadn't provoked him into doing something
Jesus Christ.

>>52577656
>Lizardman goes full berserk
Come on, you can do it...

>Based Tabaxi still going all in with you
COME ON!

>>52577848
Man... I really want to write this off as "shit that never happened." Not because it sounds too unbelievable, but because I'd rather this be fake than something that actually happened to you.

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>>52588194
Sorry I'm on my phone at work
>Lord Rasmus is an exalted that is seeking immortality
> trying to steal it from goddess in training
> now we're getting jumped by exalted doppelgangers all the time don't know who to trust
>trying to do something besides wife's quest or his special race quest and get jumped by airship bitch
>from her airship
>next to a cliff
>get told to surrender and come aboard or she'll kill us
>so we come aboard and are relieved of our weapons
>bitch setting up the wedding between wife and her son
>nothing we do can stop the wedding
>every attempt fiated away
>suddenly bbeg shows up in his glorious golden airship and shooting us wit a magic ass laser bow
>now we're allowed to break out
>Immediately I take on bitches right hand lackey with muh fists
>knock him on his ass quickly rolled high and did good damage
> gm says he is unconscious
>tell him I'm goin to throw him over the boat, the guys had been a real pain in our asses
>suddenly he's awake and is gonna shoot me as I approached
>o....k...
> tell him I'm gonna take the shot I've got full hp
>roll high to pick him up and toss him
>"he goes over but he grabs your robot arm"
>¿que?
>"he's holding on to you while hanging over the edge and now you're both hanging there barrel of monkeys style"
>fucking what?
>we'll using my prosthetic I pinch him off at the wrist
>roll way more than enough on the str check
>"ya it's also robotic and is dangling by some cables and shit"
>are you fuckin serious?
>ranger says she pulls me up, I start to reject the help but tgm jumps in and says "so you pull both of them up and when the lackey stands up he shoots air ship bitch"
>looks at our party and says " hail Lord Rasmus"
>falls backward as the bbegs airship catches him and leaves
>all that bull shit to show a bad guy betray another bad guy that didn't fuckin matter cuz we want them all dead anyway
>the look on his face says he thought he blew our fucking minds with this CRAAAAAAZY twist

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>>52590593

Two separate attempted games by the same guy, a few years apart and several years ago. Both dark heresy 1e. Only remember bits of fuckery, not like either of the session were that long.
First game we didn't get to start with starting equipment. He was kind enough to let my Techpriest start with a fully loaded revolver, I don't recall what others had, but I remember me having the best gun cus Techpriest. We landed from a Valkyrie on top of a skyscraper on a Hive in super strong winds are are damn near immediately shot at by snipers. GM always tolls in open so there was no fudging, but the first actual die roll of the game resulted in a characters head exploding. I don't think I died, not sure at this point, but the main thing that still irks the player to this day is the gm had him make a test to cross the roof to get to cover. He failed and was promptly blown of the edge, gm was 'kind' enough to let him catch himself, and then he spends the entire session with his character dangling off the edge of a building because the gm shot down every idea for a use of a skill to help, and it's not like we had equipment.
Second game I remember we were starting on a boat heading across an ocean to a Hive, but he'd done the no equipment thing again because this was supposed to be before we were recruited into the Inquisition. I was a Techpriest again (sue me I like them) and we spent awhile arguing whether I got to start with Techpriest implants. He wanted us to be shmucks and I remember arguing that if I don't have implanted I guess I'm still a child, and even if I'm a special case me disappearing to a Forge World for several years to get them wouldn't fit with his story. He relents temporarily.
First encounter is pirates take the ship while we were asleep and strip us of what weapons we'd been able to steal on the boat. Then the leader starts talking about how my shiny bits would be worth a pretty penny. More ooc arguing, and I was definitely being a dick at this point. Cont.

>>52571574
>DM borrowed my copy of Wind Waker for the game cube, then vanished from the face of the earth
Track that fucker down. The hunt must begin.

>>52590940
I'm knocked out with the description of the last thing I see being a hulking dirty pirate with a scalpel walking towards me. The rest of the players hatch a plan to fight the pirates. It involves firebombing in the ships boiler room and resulted in a tpk when the fuel bunkers went up. Pretty sure it was intentional party suicide as they were as annoyed as me. He tried to describe me waking up to alarms and smoke but I was as mentioned pissed off and started spouting half made up Mechanicus fluff bullshit about not doing so well missing my spinal cord and several other important bits.
The guys a decent if annoying dude, but damn if he wants to tell a specific story with no variation either write a novel or get the player on board with where the story is going beforehand.

>by the way, the stream we crossed soaked your spellbook and scrolls, they're ruined
>the pounding rain ruins your spellbook and scrolls
>the kobolds pour the bucket of water on you, ruining your spellbook and scrolls
If you've got a problem with my character, just tell me, my god. And water every time? Started carrying an explicitly WATER PROOF scroll case for this bullshit.

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>>52576443
It's more likely that he wanted you and the party to go into the hornet's nest and do a decapitation strike on the bandit leader in a classic dungeon crawl/combat because he didn't have much experience with large scale battles. Doesn't excuse the turbosperg result though.

>>52577908
This is both horrifying and hilarious... Uh, good job anon?

>>52578048
Glad this ends well. I hope your That DM will improve and you guys will keep having fun in the Tabaxi's campaign.

>>52568967
Seconding >>52578183

>>52577448
I think I will steal this...

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>>52591202
I had something similar to this happen a long time ago.
>GM keeps burning/soaking my travel spellbooks
>Remember in the 2e PHB, flavor text about spellbooks being inscribed on hide, wood, carved in stone, etc.
>Commission blacksmith for stacks of 8"x11" steel sheets
>Press-Stamp my spells into said sheets
>Affix chain to one end of my Steel Plate Spellbook
>Doubles as a Flail!

>>52577908
The only problem I have with this is that you basically meta gamed in a way. He was a wiener but his character didn't seem terrible. Your character really had no reason to murder him. Other than that though, it was a funny story.

>>52591537
Rust monster inbound

>>52588665
Yes, and attacking the GM for not enforcing his will.

I figure this is the right place to ask

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18004136/

Anyone knows where I can find part 2 of this guy's That DM story? It's not on suptg.

>>52592075
You mean
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18010759/ ?

Try searching with the google tags for character name. Used google search for "dirk falcon" on suptg and found it.

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>>52582033
>red background

>>52592334
Also http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18029935/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/18032393/

It's one of those stories that if you don't look too hard at it makes you feel that the good guys win. It's a story, but if it might be true, it might as well be true, right?

>>52578048
Alright end.

>>52578806
A black mage, but not every wizard

>>52592662
>Try searching with the google tags for character name.
Thank you for the links! Smart. I didn't think about it.

>It's a story, but if it might be true, it might as well be true, right?
I think you accidentally a word here.

But yeah. It probably didn't happen the way it was told (that audio file never did posted after all, did it?) but I'm willing to believe the guy at least played a character called Dirk Falcon in a game. And this was a fun read all the same.

>DM wants us to play animal characters or anything that's not like an orc, human, dwarf, elf, halfling or gnome
>Decide to make a fat alligator-folk based on some fa/tg/uys storytimes here on /tg/
>game has us start off shipwrecked without anything on some island out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere
>and by nothing i mean nothing at all, not even clothing or anything we had specifically had in our backstories
>party consists of me, an anthromorphic lion barbarian, a rhino cleric dude, and a preying mantis monk
>begin exploring around, looking for anything we might be able to use to defend ourselves
>arm ourselves with shitty sticks, best we can do
>DM says we're hungry, we'll need to find some food
>luckily stumble across a strange tall white chest with a handle on it's front (a refridgerator)
>its full of lots of food, DM describes that it's magically chilled and the food is outstanding
>begin to question why this is here, who put it here, etc
>figure we need to keep exploring to find out
>eventually passing through a small forested area on the island
>vines reach out and start grappling everyone
>make checks to break grapple, everyone but rhino succeeds
>he gets drug out of sight into the brush while we're fighting these vines
1/2

>>52596064
2/2
>clear a path to him, find him unconscious with the vines shoved in his mouth, filling him with some kind of sickeningly sweet syrup
>lion winds up having to carry him, we get the hell out of here asap
>come to opening in the forest, party hears flapping overhead
>a motherfucking blue dragon descends down on us and starts questioning why we're here
>we're talking, then it decides it's had enough, grabs me
>get lifted up into the air and taken away, party powerless to stop it
>it takes me back to it's castle above the clouds, carries me deep inside
>can't break it's hold, it's threatening me if I continue
>wind up being taken to a large bedroom-like chamber, where the dragon curls up around me and forces me to lay with it
>it summons a magical cart with many foods of various kinds
>it begins to force me to eat, DM has me make will saves,
>fail, be told that I'm compelled to eat more and more
>eventually wind up too full to do anything
>dragon cuddles me for a bit, then devours me whole, digests me and adds me to it's belly as fat
I should have clicked that X on the roll20 window way earlier, but I wanted to see just how bad it could get. Now I know.

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>>52596064
>DM wants us to play animal characters
You saw this coming

>>52596064
>>52596080
>>52596228
Isn't it odd how you can almost tell if its a furry by whether they say "Animal characters" or "Animal people" and if they aren't they almost always use the official race name or "beast folk/men/race"

>>52596375
furry isn't necessarily bad, it's when it becomes magical realm that it gets there.

>>52596415
Honestly, I think it may seem stupid but I mostly hate them because they ALWAYS play beast races. Like I love em and shit, but you gotta play something other then Cat #156

>>52596460
could be worse. some fag ruined gnolls forever for me by turning them into "THEYRE ALL GOOD GUYS WHO DONT WANT TO FIGHT"
Autist got to be dm before, had a fucking meltdown when he ran a gnoll cave dungeon and we killed all the gnolls. Fucking had the audacity to make one of them have a holy avenger at level two, then got mad when he tried to solo-encounter the party and lost HARD. Keep in mind these were the same gnolls who he confirmed had just raided and destroyed a town, killing everyone in it, FOR FUN.

>>52596505
Never heard of a good use of gnolls other then cannon fodder.

>>52596551
well clearly theyre meant to be the underdogs who youre supposed to root for since the big bad adventurers always come in and kill them because thats what adventurers do! They don't want to kill people the gnolls are just misunderstood miscreants who just want to be left alone in their caves and become paladins! STOP FURSECUTING THEM!

>>52596064
>>52596080

What's sad is this is pretty mundane as magical realms go.

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>>52596064
>>52596080

>>52596572
Thunt? Is that you?

>>52584856
I was a game like that, same shit. spend time fighting goons, plotting out ambushes, and then it turned out we were the bad guys. that didn't kill the campaign though. The nail in the coffin was being sent back in time by the bbeg's brother who was also a god

>>52596460
I just hate meme races in general. I hate dragon born, I hate all of the anthropomorphic animal furry races, I hate "half orcs" (but I don't hate orcs; can't explain that one, might be the implied rape), I hate teiflings or any edge lord "demon" race.

Basically just like tolkeinesque, lame, boring, same same elves, dorfs, gnomes, orcs, goblins, halflings, humans.

I can even handle like some sort of weird magically "corrupted" race, so long as they just look like a dude or a feral dude with like, maybe weird skin colours or eye colours.

I think I can't suspend my disbelief with talking animals, and all the tolkein races are just "Girly looking skinny dude", "Short, fat, hairy dude", "Short dude" and I kind of just always head cannon orcs as "Tall, buff, dude with big teeth", which is how they're portrayed in PHB 5th ed.

>>52598630
>I kind of just always head cannon orcs as...

I mean half-orcs.

>>52598630
>"might be the implied rape"

Are you saying a man can't have consensual love with his orc qt3.14 wife?

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Ooooh boy.
Let me tell about the time my cousin started a campaign.

>The group shows up to play DnD.
>I'm DM.
>Can't DM because of personal issue.
>Cousin says he can DM.
>"Can't be too hard if Anon does it."
>Throws together a map in about 15 minutes.
>It is set in my setting.
>Personal problem works itself out so I join.
>Game starts off in a cornfield.
>PCs walk through corn for 7 hours gametime because "they grow a lot of corn there."
>We get the village of Nebraska, which is possibly the dumbest name he could have came up with.
>We get sent to a cave by the mayor to "check it out".
>There are nine skeletons 3 zombies and two giant bats in one group in the first area of the cave.
>Our party is a level one fighter, a level one druid, and a level one preist.
>We run back to the entrance and seal the cave entrance with some large rocks.
>He asks why we did that and get's super pissed and rage quits when we tell him that we couldn't possibly beat that many monsters at this level.
>Starts bitching about how his character died about half a year earlier in one of my maps after he backflipped through a table during a fight.
>Eventually he fixes the map and says we should play it after our next session leading to pretty much the worst campaign I have ever played.
>It revolved around magic rings belonging to a mystical musical being called the Skambie.
>As in Ska + Zombie.
>This plot device was played dead seriously.
>This campaign lasted several long sessions because we felt bad for him.

Shit only got worse the further we went.
I will post some of the highlights later.

>>52584905
>Encounter with a level one party
>Summons an angel

>Oh shit, this fight isn't going the guards' way
>Better summon a FUCKING ANGEL against a level one party!

>>52599113
>ska zombie
He plaigarized that from Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated

>>52599210
It was a very minor angel and they were fucking with things that they shouldn't have. The weird thing was that the Derailer didn't care about that and complained about one of the guard's HP. In any case, the angel was meant as more of a way to set things straight and prevent any more people being killed,

>>52598924
Pretty much exactly what I'm saying.

>>52599290
Eh... the whole angel thing always rubbed me the wrong way. It feels like if you want to try to drive home that they shouldn't be attacking guards (or, better, that they should approach attacking guards VERY CAREFULLY), make the guards themselves tough fuckers. Summoning a powerful outsider to "set things right" always rings of DM Fiat to me.

But then again, if the party's having fun, I can't bitch too much. Just make sure you warn (not stop, WARN) the paladin before he makes another stupid decision. No matter how obvious it seems, it's always best to tell them ahead of time, "You know gods of law don't take kindly to beating the shit out of city guards, right?" If they really want to do it, they have a right to, just as aforementioned gods of law have a right to THEN show up and slap a legal subpoena onto his chest.

>>52599373
Thanks for the advice. It was really fun for everyone and we were all chatting about the crazy shit after we were done. I did tell the guy during the session that he might suffer consequences for killing innocents, but during the next session I should warn him right before he tries something. You're also sort of right about the angel, and I'll make the encounters tougher in general for them. I was sort of thinking of the angel as an extension of the guards' magician's abilities rather than the angel, but I should be more direct.

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>>52599344

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>>52599113
Here is another incident from that campaign.
>A fort on the outskirts of Nebraska is attacked by a group of monsters (Gnolls, Ogres, Orcs, some Lizard Men, like four hyenas for some reason, and a 'Frog man' more on that later.) and we are sent in to clear them out.
>The fort is loaded with magic items for some reason including a bag of magic time stoping powder and an urn full of sleeping powder.
>We get to the leader of the monsters.
>An 8 foot tall frog man.
>Not Bullywug.
>An original frog man.
>He was very specific.
>DM starts giving a big speech about how the Battletoad works for 'Dark forces that we could never comprehend.'
>Before he finishes talking our druid uses the time stoping powder and mutilates Battletoad's face before time restarts.
>The rest of the party has no idea what is happening so when time starts up I panic and put the frog to sleep by emptying my urn full of powder in it's face.
>It goes down.
>We all start gang stomping it until it dies.
>DM was furious.
>Fight Frog was going to be a major villain.
>When we get back to town he has the town guard arrest the Druid for taking a guy's shoes and the Preist for not saying he got dressed before going outside.
>They get sentenced to 'The hang'
>The hang turns out to be like stocks but instead of locking their heads in place it was their bare asses.
>The DM describes the whole town torturing their assess with fruit and spanking for half an hour.

>>52599290
>He plaigarized that from Scooby Doo: Mystery Incorporated.
Maybe.
I wouldn't put it past him since he straight up put a Warcraft Dragon Wizard in as a major NPC once without even changing his name.
The only reason I doubt it is because he is a huge weeb who thinks most western cartoons are for babies.

>>52599568
Do you live in Nebraska or something? This session sounds fucking hilarious for all the wrong reasons. I especially like that the party was subjected to the ass stockades for minor stuff.

>>52599587
It is funny in retrospect but was more awkward and terrible at the time.
None of the players or the DM have ever been to Nebraska.
He just kept shoving in real places for some reason.
I like that he couldn't find anything to pin on me so my poor knight was stuck watching this happen from the sidelines.

There were a lot of weird surreal moments like that.
One that isn't really substantial enough for a greentext is the time he went on a long racist rant about Mexicans when our party was in an Aztec style temple.
When we asked him what the fuck he was on about he said
>It's not me being racist it's David the Hobgoblin.

>>52599674
Holy shit that's hilarious. Are you all sure that he isn't playing one brilliant, horrible joke on all of you? It's almost too perfectly bad to be real.

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>>52599706
I wish I could say that he was.
Unfourtunatly his current campaign (which reuses elements and characters from the last one including the aforementioned David.) seems to be going more or less the same way.
The only difference is that it is a little more ambitious.
Thankfully I am not a part of that one since it is mostly his pals from the furry community.

Anyway I have like two more that I will post tomorrow.

>>52599850
>pals in the furry community
Oh boy, it just keeps getting better and better.

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>Be me, forever GM'ed for years
>Group had minor meltdown, reforms, one of the players gives me a break while we switch to this neat new system, SR3
>Team consists of 2 Street Sams, a Decker/Explosives Expert, and a Mage (I end up leading because they're used to listening to me)
>Because none of us were communicating, make a Decker/Rigger
>Wound up going all-out on his house. Had a garage running out of the first floor, living in the second floor
>Basically had a batman basement where you pulled a certain book to open it up and get at all my illegal shit, even had a secret passage leading into an access tunnel in the Ork Underground
>Did some backstory work with the GM, wound up deciding it was a REALLY old building I'd fixed up, still had lead in the walls, et cetera
>Playing through a campaign that's basically just jumping between modules, but we have fun
>End up doing a job kidnapping a sim starlet
>Dipshit party gets themselves arrested, just me and Street Sam #1 not arrested
>Break into a corp lockup, manage to get Street Sam #2 out, but the others are unreachable
>One is in federal, and the other is in a special mage prison, and we had no mage to deal with the spirits that implies anymore
>Me and the 2 Sams are at my garage trying to figure out what the fuck to do, get a call from fixer
>”Hey Anon, got a job for you. Mr. Johnson asked for you by name.”
>”Well, that's cool and all, but we're really in no shape to be-”
>”No. By NAME. As in your real name.”
>”...neato. We'll meet him, then.”
>Mind is racing, trying to figure out how they could have gotten my name. I didn't make any mistakes that I can think of, no blood, no fingerprints, no camera footage, and none of the party knew it...

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>>52599895
>Go to meet, turns out Johnson works for MegaMedia (company we kidnapped starlet from), wants us to do a run for him as payback
>I'm leery as fuck, and the Sams are following my lead. Ask how he got my identity
>”Oh, I know some people. I asked around, did some digging.”
>I smell GM bullshit. He sees the “what the fuck?” look I give him and gives a shit-eating grin
>”You have no idea who you're dealing with, do you Anon?”
>Aaaand it became a power play. Alright, you wanna wrestle, lets wrestle
>Refuse his job
>When he demands to know why, inform him that I have no assurance he won't just keep holding my identity over my head and turn me into a pocket runner
>Asking me to do an unpaid run? No fucking way.
>”I'll pay you!”
>”Get fucked.”
>We go back to Wayne Mano- I mean, to the garage, and start packing everything up
>Have a safehouse I'm pretty sure the GM forgot about, getting ready to head there
>Get a call from fixer
>”WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!”
>”Refused his job.”
>”WHY?!”
>”He tried to bully me. I don't like bullies.”
>”You know how stupid that is, right?!”
>”I disagree.”
>”You disagree? Look outside!”
>I go and look out my window
>The whole block is SURROUNDED by Knight Fucking Errant cars and vans
>All while we hadn't heard a thing inside, of course

For those not familiar with SR3's setting, there were two major security providers in Seattle (where the game usually takes place): Lone Star, and Knight Errant. Lone Star was the privatized police force. Very much the beat cop, bog standard, it was shit when you had to deal with them, but you COULD deal with them.

Knight Errant, however, were the big boys. Corp execs hired them when they wanted the best. They were bad news at the best of times, when you were only dealing with a few. And now they had my entire goddamn block surrounded.

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>>52599912
>”You know, the Johnson said he'd call them off if you take the job!”
>Oh.
>Oh, alright.
>Alright, motherfucker.
>You want to swing your GM peen around to cock-slap me back onto the rails?
>I'll whip mine out, too. Let's see whose is bigger.
>”Well y'know, when he puts it like this, he seems awful reasonable. But we need to hash out some terms. See if he can send someone higher-up. I won't deal with some mook calling home every minute.”
>”Sure, Anon, I'll call you back. Don't do anything else stupid in the meantime.”
>Get call back
>”Alright, the VP of Megamedia is on his way over to discuss terms. You still have a helipad, right?”
>The fucking Vice President of a Megacorp is on his way to meet with an errant runner. Okay.
>Send Street Sams with one of my two motorcycles through the secret tunnel, tell them to keep the path clear
>GM forgot about it, and seems about to pull more bullshit
>Pacified when I assured him I wasn't going to be bailing on the meeting. The tunnel was clear
>Meanwhile, start asking a few odd questions
>”Can we assume I have spray paint lying around?
>”The memory sticks in my main computer, they look like tubes, right?
>”I have enough time to disassemble the remote to my TV, right?”
>GM is curious what I'm getting at, but can see nothing wrong. I'm jotting things down on a note card
>I know if he knew what I was about to pull, he'd hand-wave it away
>VP arrives, welcome him into my home, serve him and his body guards drinks
>Begin discussing terms
>While we're talking, feign getting hot
>Go over to central control unit to adjust temperature, covertly lock the doors

>5e
>party is infiltrating huge camp of cultists
>rogue, wizard, monk, and some kind of homebrew shaman thing
>have to free a prisoner
>coming up with all these amazing plans
>everyone is disguised via disguise kit, wearing stolen cultist robes
>rogue is pondering how to poison the well or the local supply of wine
>rogue and monk are contemplating things like setting tents on fire
>shaman is using familiars to scout the area and gather info
>wizard has his own unknown agenda, tries to bluff his way into slave pens, fails
>detained, goes invisible and sneaks away
>camp alerted
>rest of the party is standing around watching the chaos of a few hundred cultists trying to find the location of the invisible man
>debating whether we should start some fires and cause distraction, or wait until after dark to sneak the prisoner out
>cultist lieutenant walks out
>lol whoops blue dragon just showed up
>they converse
>dragon dispels invisibility, walks away
>wizard is captured
>party thinks fast, helps set up the post that the wizard is going to be tied to
>lol whoops lieutenant sees through the disguises that the rogue got an excellent roll in setting up and that have been flawlessly working
>instantly recognizes party as having fought the cultists in a town two days prior
>captures us and has us tied up with the wizard
>night falls
>rogue produces concealed dagger, cuts ropes
>wizard goes invisible again, rescues relative from slave pens that he didn't tell the aprty about, rest of the party rescues prisoner
>get away with no issues
>literally the same outcome that would have happened from the normal plan
>almost all of the plot exposition that happens because of the capture is stuff that party was already aware of from extensive recon
>oh yeah and the half-dragon that the rogue sneak attack critted and killed in an earlier encounter that the party was supposed to lose is now alive again, because reasons

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>>52599922
>”So, Anon, that about settles it. You'll do this run for us, at [Meager pay], plus whatever you steal, and we'll never leverage this personal information on you again. Refuse, and Knight Errant comes in here.”
>”Yeah, no, that doesn't work for me. Here's what's going to happen, you're going to call your office, have my information deleted, and then leave my home.”
>”And why on earth would I do that?”
>GM is grinning. Thinks he has me pinned. I'm grinning, too. I know he's wrong.
>Hand GM the note card
>During the wait, I had taken the cylindrical memory core, spray-painted it gray, glued the red power button from my remote to one side, and attached a biomonitor keyed to my life signs to the other
>In short, I pull out a fake detonator out of my pocket, very clearly set to activate if my vitals stop
>”Because there's enough explosives in these walls to level this block and kill you, me, and every Knight down there.”
>GM isn't smiling anymore
>”Bullshit! They scanned the walls when they arrived! They know there aren't any explosives in the wall!”
>THERE'S LEAD IN THE WALLS, MOTHERFUCKER! SCANS ARE WORTHLESS!
>”They run out the door! They're running to Knight Errant, who see them coming and rush in, to-”
>THE DOORS ARE LOCKED! THEY STRUGGLE WITH THE DOORS LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO REMIND THEM THAT THEY'RE A BUTTON-PRESS FROM DEATH!
>GM stops to think, trying to salvage this and get it back on the rails
>I calmly ask: Is the VP willing to throw away his own life and an obscene amount of company money to get one runner to do a job for him?
>No. No he is not.
>GM finally relents, gets a spiteful look in his eye

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>>52599937
>VP makes a call (on speaker) to HQ, has my info deleted, verifies no other copies exist
>”Great, so the VP is going to leave, and then what? You're still surrounded by Knight Errant.”
>”I tell the VP that he has 2 minutes to leave and evacuate anyone from the area that he doesn't want dead before I blow the building. Once he leaves, I go down, get my other motorcycle and head out the secret tunnel.”
>”Knight Errant have found the passage! They snuck up there, and take aim as you-”
>Street Sam #1 chimes in
>”You mean they snuck up on the path we were keeping clear, and specifically guarding, all without giving us a roll?”
>GM seems to consider saying yes, then sighs, defeated
>We take off into the Ork Underground, escaping from the trap, and we're long gone by the time Knight Errant got bomb squad to check out the house


And that's how I resisted attempts at railroading by faking a bomb threat at my place of work.

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>>52599937
>>GM isn't smiling anymore

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>>52599866
I thank the gods every day that he didn't get into that shit before our campaign died.

Anyway I will tell you all about the totally normal chicken incident, our many Gary Stu NPC buddies, and how every PC accidentally gained god tier superpowers when I get up in the morning.

>>52599924
To boot, we had dodged what was supposed to be a forced capture already. After killing a pocket of cultists, the party was confronted by a merc whose description screamed "you can't fight me and win" and surrendered to him - except the wizard, who had poofed off somewhere with invisibility, which was par for the course. The party was tied to the merc's horse in a line and they set off for the cultist camp. After approaching the camp and realizing how big it was, the party worked out an escape plan.

Rogue had his perpetual hidden dagger, and cut the party's ropes free from the horse, then hid the cut until everyone else was ready. Shaman had owl familiar dive into merc's face, monk used elemental powers to light merc's cape on fire, rogue let go of ropes. Monk uses fire and muscle to free shaman while rogue leaps on merc's horse and backstabs him.

Rogue is an assassin. Understand that 5e's crits make you roll all damage dice twice. Assassins get an automatic crit for attacks against anything that hasn't taken an action in combat yet, so 1d4+3 dagger turns into 1d4+2d6+3 for the sneak attack, turns into 2d4+4d6.

Rogue and merc are now on the ground in melee combat. Monk throws himself at merc and bruises his fists on merc's armor while screaming at rogue to run. Rogue stabs again, and of course, gets a nat 20, leaving this merc that the party wasn't supposed to be able to beat at critical health - then, because of more rogue class bullshit, disengages as a bonus action (move 5ft, no attack of opportunity), then runs. Merc lays out monk with a single hit.

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>>52599568

>Fill in for someone at a weekly Pathfinder game
>Guy's character is an edgelord Necromancer
>actually has some decent spells and abilities
>solve a lever puzzle with slowly approaching lava-elemental thing by sacrificing some skeletons
>summon giant frogs and more skeletons to keep a large enemy busy
>other players happy with the way I played him >turns out that guy only makes the necromancer use colour spray

I don't get it he has all these spells and shit but wont use them...

>>52600018
Shaman is dealing with the cultists, and not faring too terribly because they're only armed with blackjacks.

Rogue, however, can cheese and infinitely kite merc. He can attack and move 35/round with no attack of opportunity, while merc can only move 30 and will need to use move and combat action to come within melee range. Rogue takes a moment to point out to merc that this will end badly for everyone, and maybe they should all go their own separate ways, since he'd like to tend to his dying friend - and rolls well on persuasion. Combat stops.

Merc apparently rolled poorly against rogue and tells the party to get out of his sight.

So I can see why the GM was getting a little tired of the bullshit. The wizard was also getting excellent rolls in the camp when the GM was making him duck and weave through crowds and obstacles while not giving himself away.

Still, the entire thing left a bit of a bad taste. The end result of the capture was the exact same as if the party had just carried out their plan - they still got the prisoner and escaped. It was pure DM fiat for no real reason, and removed a lot of potential fun for everyone.

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>>52599568
>The DM describes the whole town torturing their assess with fruit and spanking for half an hour.
What a guy

>>52579013
>this, out of some very particularly unbelievable things, never happened

Nothing ever happens.

>>52600223
Reality never happened.

>>52600223
Nothing ever did happen. Life isn't real.

This is all in your mind, Steve.

>>52600387
My names Max...

>>52567301
>>52565939
In my current game I've actually had that happen with me and my mesmerist character. All of the utility I brought to my party was making encounters kind of easy, so the GM ended up throwing a ton of mindless creatures at us, making most of my spells useless. I ended up taking feats that let some of my stuff work against mindless creatures, so he ended up artificially inflating the will saves of his creatures or making them otherwise resistant to psychic shit.

Thankfully he's a chill guy, just had encountered a few too many min-maxy players in his day. We sat down and talked - he was concerned his encounters weren't challenging enough to engage us, so he felt it necessary to try and counter our strengths. I explained to him that that's not how it should work, that if enemies continued to counter every new ability we obtained, leveling up felt pointless. All he needs to do is make the enemies sufficiently strong without making them artificially able to counter our shit. The campaign made a turn for the better after that talk.

>>52600739
But the reality you remember as Max didn't happen, Steve.

You need to wake up now, Steve.

>>52577243
There's a cantrip to stabilize someone, or a single charge from a Healer's kit, or a single Medicine check. But all of these are apparently the equivalent of two slots worth of Cure Wounds.

>My names Max...

>My world is fire and blood.

>As the world fell, each of us, in our own way was broken.

>It was hard to know who was more crazy:

>>52600739

>Or

>>52600993

>>52568967
We merely adopted the dark.. you were moulded by it

>>52601026
Hah! I'll admit, you got me to laugh with that. Nice one Anon "Max".

>>52601074
in all honesty, that's a different anon.

But he still wins the day.

>>52592662
>>52592334
After reading this i have never been more certain that leaving my current group is the right thing to do.

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>>52599568
>>They get sentenced to 'The hang'
>>The hang turns out to be like stocks but instead of locking their heads in place it was their bare asses.
>>The DM describes the whole town torturing their assess with fruit and spanking for half an hour.

Caught me off-guard.

>>52599951

Good shit, anon.

>>52601197
LOL

>>52591892
lol

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> players are all new to dnd, first or second time playing
> dm is a weird classmate from university, supposed to be experienced
> campaign is pretty meh, rumors say that evil is coming out a ruined city, our chars were sent there to check shit out
> the old church in the city was ruined, found a massive hole in the ground there
> we decide to go in; so far, its ok
> weird-ass dungeon, eventually we come to a room that have 4 corridors
> go to one
> it leads back to the same room
> 3 or 4 sessions later
> still ending up in the same room, no matter where we go
> magic labyrinth that the wrong turn make us go back to the start from a random corridor, without our characters noticed we were being teleported
> keep going
> rough fight against demoness boss because rogue was never there
> we die
> i politely say "ok, time's up, i'm the new dm now"
> everyone agree

>>52590593
Have you set him down and talked to him at length about the level of his fuck ups and how it's killing your immersion?

>>52578786
That's funny. We came across a mad doc what tried to bring the dead to life with technology.

The first words we spoke to him were "I fucking swear to god if those fucking corpses stand up and attack us, I am so fucking done with you and your cliche B movie garbage."

After some lovely dialog we left. Came back once we lost the plot to have a chat with the loony fuck. The corpses were all standing around ready to leave for somewhere else. Dynamite followed.

>>52599924

If that's from the book I think it's from, The GM's mistake was following the book too closely.

>>52591394
Go ahead. It will honor his memory.

>>52578283
>Bloodslaughterers
>Good at any points
Please stop posting.

>>52602082
I don't feel like he was "That DM" more than just being a bad DM. At least he tried and can get better given time.

>>52599850
>mostly his pals from the furry community.
Well that explains the frog OC donut steel and the magical realm ass spanking.

>>52599951
Amazing job, anon. As I like to say, GMs might be all-powerful within the game, but there's one thing they can always lose -- dignity. You knew he wouldn't go full no-sell and exploited that all the way to success.

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>>52602861
Actually, I was the DM, I just told the story from the players perspective. I told them that I was experienced and shit but I really failed at them, not only with the labyrinth thing (which I always wanted to try but then realized its just too damn boring), but the campaign wasn't really that good to begin with.

Well, it sucks I made the mistake, but I don't have a 13-yo boy ego, so I took the hint. This new guy wanted to try being DM (he had never tried), so we switched places and it was really fun. I think he did some beginners mistakes but in overall he was really good as a DM. When I switched over to be a normal player I created an really awesome character, and might have been my favorite character ever. It was so awesome that everyone was a bit upset when I told them I couldn't play anymore (moving to another city).

Well, I got a bit carried away but my point is: I was an experienced DM and my campaign was shit. He was doing it for his first time and everyone had a great time. I just started being DM again (on the new city I moved to), and now my main goal is to make everyone have a nice time. Seems to be working fine :D

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Also, gotta be honest with you guys. I know there is a lot of "that DM" out there (and I might have been that guy when I was young), but there is also a lot of "that player". There a different types of "that player", but almost every party has at least one... and they are complicated to deal with =(

>>52602961
Anon, they call those "That guy"

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>>52602082
>>52602942
>>52602961
Fuck, just realized that my name is "OP". My bad, I'm not OP. That was from a previous thread (where I was indeed OP).

>>52603010
I guess I have more experience with bad players than bad DMs.

>>52603062

Well if you regularly DM for a while, of course you see more bad players than bad DMs.

>>52603062
Eh, everyone has experiences with bad players. It's a game of power fantasy, and power corrupts, it's a common occurrence. It's just usually worse when a DM does it because there will be no divine justice dropped on the head of that guy.

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>>52599985
Alright here is another one.
>Shortly after we escape the hell that was Nebraska we enter a small village.
>We stop an attempted rape when suddenly we hear a whistle and pass out.
>We wake up in a prison cell with a bunch if other dudes.
>It was a set up.
>DM tells us we were captured by Cerulean the whistler druid and that we have we have to fight in an arena.
>We have no knowledge of any of these things but whatever.
>A whistler druid as far as I can tell is a homebrew class but basically it's an overpowered bard thing.
>We immediately befriend the other imates and start a riot.
>When the guards come in we drop them and take their keys and weapons.
>Decide to stuff cloth in ears so the whistler can't put us to sleep.
>Damage control time.
>The whistler shows up and tells us to go back in the cell.
>We say we're going to fight her.
>DM gets mad and tells us that we can't beat the whistler and that we will instantly die if we try to fight his Mary Sue because cloth can't block the sound and she can whistle us to death.
>Welp.
>The next day we fight in the arena.
>We befriend our opponents and start another riot.
>Our last opponent is a Thunder Giant.
>Can't befriend.
>We are going to die but it will be pretty rad.
>We prep for combat when a fucking karate man with metal arms comes out of nowhere, one shots the giant and fucking leaves.
>The guards free us because we 'won'
>We go back to the village.
>We never saw Cerulean again or the karate man again.

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>>52603120
>>We never saw Cerulean again or the karate man again.

>>52603092
>>52603100
Actually, I had most issues with bad players while being a player myself. =( For some reason, the people that plays with me when I DM usually are not that bad.

>>52603120
lol
if anything can be learned from this thread, is that overpowered NPCs that can't be defeated shouldn't exist

>wizard, druid and me (a fighter) travelling along mountains in search of a cultist temple where they were supposedly trying to ressurect a dead dragon to lay waste on the countryside
>druid shapeshifts into a bird, takes off into the air and begins scouting around when suddenly a clap of lightning strikes her out of the air
>wizard takes flight and catches her in the air, then he too gets struck by lightning
>look to see where that shit's coming from and see a big ass dragon up in the sky circling us
>wizard manages to recover in the air and safely land him and the druid, they're pretty fucked up
>dragon starts to descend on the party, starts making threats
>ready myself, dropping into a full defensive posture
>dragon takes this as a challenge, swoops down and tries to fight, rolls poorly and eats two confirmed criticals to the face in response for over 100 points of damage
>DM starts panicking, says the dragon takes to the air again and breathes fire back down
>easily make a save against it, take some damage but DM forgot that the equipment he gave me (homebrewed) lets me regenerate 15% of my life per round, wounds are now gone.
>start hurling javelins up at the monster, chipping away at what little life it supposedly has left, it threatens us then flies off
>Party regroups, heals up, then continues onward
>get to the temple and fight wave after wave of mooks
>like goddamn its a whole family
>wizard and druid running low on spells, im actually taking damage through my regeneration, and these fuckers STILL won't stop coming
>figure discretion is the better part of valor and decide to back out of there
>"Oh, i forgot to mention the doors closed behind you guys."
>of course they did.
>hew out the last of the mooks, whittled down pretty damn low

>>52603412

>dragon reappears, fully healed of course, ready to finish us off for killing his followers
>tears right into me, dropping me to two points of health
>DM forgot that the homebrew sword he gave me causes all melee damage inflicted to be doubled when im at "death's door" (10% or less)
>wizard buffs me, druid buffs me, I cut the fucker in half
>or I should have
>SOMEHOW the dragon now has over 300 hitpoints
>dragon attacks, fails to get me down again, I tear into the fucker again hitting a crit and some big numbers with my buffs
>still not dead
>Dragon retreats a bit, taking an AoO on the way out, then "begins casting a really powerful spell"
>DM on the verge of tears, visibly raspberry red faced
>Can't move up to him, "an unseen force is preventing you from moving up to him!"
>wizard decides to dimension door on top but finds he cant because "his spellcasting is so powerful it's draining the magic out of the air!"
>dm describes the dragon's spell as charging up a gigantic ball of light
>druid player jokes that the DM needs to shoute Kamehameha before doing this
>he proceeds to flip shit and get mad about how none of us are taking his story seriously and how we're just "salty" that we couldn't figure out how to beat the boss
>he fires his gigantic spirit bomb shit
>wizard chimes in "I activate my cloak."
>DM forgot that the starveil cloak has a 1/day power to protect the party from all spells, bouncing them back at whoever cast them, for one minute.
>DM didn't even bother with the game at that point, just started packing up his shit while calling us assholes and saying "Fine, you win. You win! Are you happy? I had a whole story planned out but you assholes clearly don't care about that just winning like it's world of warcraft!"
>druid winds up picking up role of DM, and we have several good sessions after that

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>>52565231
>Been playing with a guy who likes being a female elf in any game.
>Setting does not matter. He'll look for the equivalent to elves in the world or make his own elf race.
>Has a nasty hate-boner for orcs. Always kills them whenever he can. This often leads to trouble.
>Such as the time he tried to dispatch an orc warcamp by him(her?)self, and ended up being raped and murdered.
>This also shows up in games where he GMs.
>Orcs are not part of his campaign worlds, and if they are they are Always Chaotic Evil and hated by everyone. Half Orcs do not exist, period.
>In Pathfinder, he'll let you play as a Suli, Android, Werewolf, or even a fucking LICH, as long as it's not an Orc, orc-related, or orcish in any conceivable way.

This leads to:

>I create a half-orc vigilante in our one game, use illusions out the ass.
>Disguise at a +19 at level 4, higher if I'm in cape mode.
>I look just like a regular human, and have gone around helping his Paladin root out the cultists hiding in the church of Saranrae.
>After a long adventure, my character reveals himself as a half-orc to the party.
>Gets attacked instantly by the Paladin, for 'lying' and 'consorting with evil'
>MFW Paladin looses his paladin shit, GM slaps him for being a dumbass, and he threatens to leave the group.