What the most rock-bottom, piss poor decisions you have ever

Jordon driving the chimera at the orks

>>52414508
Do a backflip, in heavy armour, I landed on the bomb my character was holding and killed everyone in 12 mile radius.

>>52414508
>Paladin decides that the fleeing rogue PC MUST be apprehended to convince the group the party is pretending to be a part of that they are genuine even though the rogue has a +15 to swim and hide and he's running away in a misty swamp.

There's a really long greentext to this but I don't want to type it up if the thread only gets like 4 people.

Our party had a couple dwarves after a raid and they wanted ale. So they sent one into the flame-engulfed bar to get some cups. He ran in and raged, getting the cups, setting himself on fire, and burning his beard off. He is now known as Squirrelbeard because we replaced his beard with a squirrel's tail.

Two instances I can recall, a player caused basically an Illiad by eloping with someone.

The other, the player basically created the Skaven and ruined the world and the game, it turned post apoc after that.

>>52414508
Let's talk things over with the fallen paladin! Sure, a social roll gere and there is one thing, but they didn't even give up after black lightning fell upon him and tainted his armor. Also, for whatever reason, someone put the unidentified magic necklace upon him while he was held down (by the warlock, whose very touch allowed the paladin to make a deal for power). Anyway, the necklace was a powerful item for free flight and elemental attacks, once the party collected the 2 nearby world-saving items. They had no idea what the necklace was, yet they gave it to the guy being molded into the new villain. What was a fairly minor encounter NPC turned into the BBEG.

>>52414662
Post it

>>52414662
Do it!

>>52414508
>party is supposedly neutral-to-good
>players keep trying to do shady shit, occasionally straying dangerously close to murder-hobo territory
>don't want to be a party pooper with my lawful good wizard, try to stay out of their way, at most verbally chastising them when they let me witness it
>of course they hate me for this
>offer to reroll my character with an alignment that doesn't interfere with party cohesion
>"no, we love your character!"
>what
>party's "in love" with the character too much for me to reroll, they just don't like anything he actually does or stands for
>keep doing the goofy wizard voice but no more actual roleplaying, sure...

sorry, here are the actual poor decisions of these party mates:
>orc barbarian takes offense to town sheriff's snarky comment, assaults our first quest hook

>we find a smuggling cartel's stash of fantasy narcotics
>let's start doing them, right here in their base!
>let's take the rest and try to deal it ourselves
>let's contact that same cartel to start working for them and get more to sell
>awesome, they've arranged a meeting with their boss
>LG wizard, you're such a worrywart! we're going anyway, and don't expect a cut because you should've helped us sell these stolen drugs
>oh fuck, I can't believe it was a trap! why wasn't LG wizard here to help us?!

two more after this

>>52414508
I've got Nightmare Mode covered. One player decided his character would, at the literal END of the campaign (like, I, the DM, was about to go to epilogue and asked for final actions), murder another character over a relatively minor in-character slight. It caused a large argument, ended the two players friendship, and forced the game to end without a conclusion as one player refused to continue with the combat.

It was a year and a half long campaign and ended in PC-on-PC violence that killed a multi-year friendship. Worst ending to a campaign I've ever seen that didn't involve the police.

>>52414508
Casting Comprehend Languages on a gibbering mouther

File: 1434055947549.png (537KB, 692x577px) Image search: [Google]

537KB, 692x577px

>party acquires a deck of many things

>>52414508
>What the most rock-bottom, piss poor decisions you have ever witnessed at the table?
We had a mage, he conned us into committing mass murder via bombs disguised as Beer Kegs.
One of the other characters knew what was happening, didn't warn us because "I'm LE."

All of this, was ostensibly to save the world, by hijacking a ritual the BBEG was secretly prepping. What it instead did was kickstart it. So while the Mage had conned his way into a great big level up the rest of us were level 2 or something. The BBEG was level 15.

We died, BBEG survived and turned into the damn Tarrasque and thus the world was doomed.

>>52416006
>Worst ending to a campaign I've ever seen that didn't involve the police.
And the one that did?

>>52416006
>Worst ending to a campaign I've ever seen that didn't involve the police.
>didn't involve the police

Don't hold out on us Anon. What happened?

>>52416006
That's so incredibly retarded. I need to hear what the the in-character slight was now so that I can confirm it as one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.

File: IMG_0335.jpg (17KB, 200x252px)

17KB, 200x252px

We were playing a relatively lighthearted game about kids investigating paranormal activities as part of a school club.

At one point the players discovered that one of their classmates was a witch and was going to summon a bunch of ghosts to possess the faculty and popular kids, so we needed to clear out the building in order to confront her in alone

Instead of like, pulling the fire alarm like a normal fucking kid one of our players decided to call in a bomb threat.

>>52416135
>>52416156
Oh, that's nothing exciting. I had a player arrested once during session for dealing coke. No one else knew about it, not even his druggie girlfriend (she was just a pot junkie). I can greentext it real fast, though it isn't exciting.

>Be playing D&D in a campus lecture hall
>knock on door during climactic boss fight
>it's the cops
>Am homeless at the time, so I thought they were there for me
>sweatingguy.png
>Turns out they wanted to arrest Church for dealing cocaine
>no idea he was a dealer, though unsurprised
>they question everyone, no one knew
>one cop asks what we're doing, explain it, he goes "sounds fun"
>they leave with Church
>stunned silences all around

We moved on. I think it was a party wipe after that since Church was playing a tank character of some kind. It's been like 9 years though, I might be misremembering.

>>52416265
Guy A was pissed that Guy B was keeping secrets and misused a powerful artifact to do something funny but non-dangerous. Note: Guy B was definitely doing something stupid but didn't deserve to die.

>>52416340
I mean, that'll do it.

File: Pensive dong.gif (736KB, 451x322px) Image search: [Google]

736KB, 451x322px

>>52414508
Playing Horde of the Dragon Queen. So potential spoilers

The party arrives at the castle at night, there's fog everywhere, the Vampires come and attack. They manage to fend off the vampires by using the spear they found to create orbs of sunlight. One of the party decides to grapple one of the vampires and throw it into the mini sun orb to kill it. She succeeds.

So later on, after having searched the castle and fought a few ogres, they come across the ruined tower. The rogue offers to climb it, givent hat she has wicked high Dex. The Monk also wants a crack, the rest stay behind. I decide on two rolls to get up the tower given that its tall. Both pass the first roll, both fail the second. The rogue takes fall damage, the monk says "I have featherfall as an ability" or words to that effect. The entire party asks why the hell he let the rogue climb too then given that he can't fucking fail. So he tries again and I allow it, saying that he took the time to do it slowly given, again that he can't fail the task really. So I say he gets to the top just as the sun is setting. He see's 3 coffins arranged in the room beyond the balcony
"Okay"
The sun has very almost set
"Okay...erm"
The sun has set
"Okay...erm"
The coffin lids start to move
"Okay..erm"
A vampire leaps out
"OH SHIT"
Proceeds to try and take it mano a mano and dies instead of jumping off the edge and getting help from the rest of the party who are unable to get up there and help.

His character he rolled for the very next session also died because he tried to one on one a hill giant at 7th level. He got salty about that.

>>52414662
I'm down to learn more.

>>52415892
>party pays for stagecoach to next town
>approaching outskirts of town, the (neutral good!) ranger decides to shoot horse in the head with an arrow
>furious coah driver demands an explanation
>I immediately declare that I want no part of this and hide behind a ditch
>ranger wants to rob the driver before we reach town
>driver is a badass, kicks the party's ass while I sit there watching (guess the DM was getting sick of their shit, too)
>ranger player whines at me in real life about helping the party
>I point out that if he ever followed my advice, 90% of the "totally bullshit" things that happen to him wouldn't happen
>point out that he should know my character well enough by now
>point out that I offered multiple times to make my character evil or CE if that's what they wanted, but they said no every time
>session ends on sour note

then the incident that made me give up on the group
>in dungeon
>orc barb decides to shove me down a hole, "as a joke"
>giant centipede peeks out, grabs my wizard and pulls him into the darkness
>party gives chase into cramped little tunnel
>whole party dies to giant centipedes in this goddamn hole
>can't even believe what happened
>people are pissed or sad, I'm just laughing
>tell the orc player how bad he fucked up
>he blames me for getting pulled down the hole and "making us rescue you" (I demanded no such thing, everyone jumped into action immediately)
>also I set off a crushing wall trap (that ended up harming no one) earlier, and that's also why we died somehow

never played with that group again (except the DM, he's still cool)

>>52414600
I hope you went out like Major Kong from Dr. Strangelove

>>52416470
*make my character evil or CN

A party of three had successfully managed to sneak around back of this hideout full of baddies. There was a 15' wall that could be scaled, or a locked door that could be lock-picked or broken down. For whatever reason I'll never understand, the Elf Fighter decides, "We're not going in through this way, let's split the party and try to bluff our way through the kitchen entrance instead."

So the Elf Fighter and the Half-Elf Druid dressed up like bad guys and walked right in through the kitchen. (Meanwhile, the Kenku Ranger is waiting outside.) A mook takes one look at the Fighter and Druid and goes, "Where did you find those weapons?". The Elf replies, "Um, we killed some intruders and took their weapons." The Deception roll succeeds, so the mook replies,

"Then you might want to take them to the boss, right?"

Long story short: Nearly had a TPK. The Elf Fighter turned over his weapons and shield to the Bad Guy Boss. Then the Fighter and Druid's cover got blown and the entire base of bad guys swarmed them. The other two in the party barely managed to escape. The Elf Fighter was captured and the character is essentially decommissioned because he's being tortured off-screen.

I still have no idea why the Elf Fighter thought that was a good plan, and why no one else even tried to speak up against it... Oh well, sometimes ya gotta learn the hard way.

File: 1474534238856.jpg (240KB, 600x500px) Image search: [Google]

240KB, 600x500px

>>52416387
>pot junkie

Sorcerer player who has a 6 Charisma IRL sassed the great wyrm red dragon.

File: Bloody accident.gif (415KB, 500x257px) Image search: [Google]

415KB, 500x257px

>>52416470
If there's one thing I cannot fucking stand it's "lol wouldn't this be funny" players.

Yes the game is a laugh, yes it can be funny. We laugh constantly at every one of my sessions, but that fuck none of my players joke in a way that's just fucking stupid roleplaying or is detrimental to the party or story.

File: Eazy E pepe.png (75KB, 499x499px) Image search: [Google]

75KB, 499x499px

>>52416387
>Pot junkie

File: 1450115712054.jpg (43KB, 420x294px) Image search: [Google]

43KB, 420x294px

>party about to be facing aboleth
>aware of their mind control abilities
>find their lair
>enter lair, encounter two humans, a dwarf, a half-orc who ambush them
>party defeats them, humans die in combat
>sorcerer pulls out his morningstar to coup-de-grace the dwarf for no reason
>finds a letter on her corpse that says "we are being mind controlled, if you can read this please don't kill my friends"
I don't know what he was expecting.

There's this one player who, due to time zones, goes from 10pm to 3am regularly for sessions. And he gets a bit cranky once he's tired and it shows. He always apologizes afterwards but it's been a bit annoying.

>>52416670
How'd he write the letter? Was it his last action, or what?

>>52416709
Aboleth mind control needs to be reapplied every so often, so they have moments where they aren't affected (but kept in cells). She tore a page from the wizard's spellbook and hid it on her person.

File: 61237342234.jpg (15KB, 419x275px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 419x275px

>Party suspects local baroness is allied with the drow causing trouble for the city and nearby settlements
>Shortly after they start investigating her, she falls ill and dies
>This throws us off the trail for a little while, but eventually some research and rumormongering reveals that women in the Baroness' family tend to often fall sick and die about a decade after they produce a heiress
>Eventually discover that the Baroness, a powerful warlock with a patron aligned with the drow, has been bodysnatching her daughter when she comes of age for generations in a gambit to stay immortal,sealing the young girls' souls in satuettes
>Party hatches a plan to confront the "young" new Baroness her when she doesn't expect it and isn't likely to tip her hand and use her powers
>Step one is to saunter into a fancy dress party and, without warning, stab a twelve year old girl through the chest in plain view of the assembled nobility of the city
>Step two is to calmly and rationally explain to the dozens of people they just committed murder in front of that the child they executed was actually an evil warlock and they should believe this story because the completely trustworthy drow said it was true
>Thats it
>That was the entire plan
>"What do you mean they're arresting us?"

>>52414662
I think I make 4. Post away

File: 3291-15364-29609.jpg (16KB, 320x240px)

16KB, 320x240px

>>52416387
>pot junkie

>>52414662
post it, faggot

File: Donald duck.png (235KB, 500x358px) Image search: [Google]

235KB, 500x358px

>>52416387
>pot junkie

>>52414508
>Party has taken over old archmage's tower
>Only half understand a lot of the stuff that is in there.
>Do, however, understand how to use the teleporter. You can select one of a number of different trajectories with various gems, and then you have to burn a power source in a special receptacle.
>You need the right level of power to transport you to the right locations. Putting in too little power won't get you there. Putting in too much power is *dangerous*, and can lead to all sorts of mishaps, up to instant disintegration of everything in a mile or so radius.
>PCs know about this, in fact keep a reference book near the teleporter to help them calculate how much power to use.
>As a side effect of their adventuring, make many enemies
>One of the bad guy factions raises a small army of about 150 to seize their tower.
>Even with the defenses, the 6 of them can't fend off that many dudes.
>Decide to retreat and raise their own force to take it back, and hey, handy teleporter!
>But they can't take everything with them, so they're smashing or locking behind tower defenses what they can't carry.
>Decide they want to drain a large magic crystal in the teleporter since it's hard to carry and they don't want the bad guys getting their mitts on it.
>Warn them that the chance of a serious mishap are extremely high.
>They do it anyway
>Mishap happens.
>TPK.
>Upset players
>Game ends.

>>52416109
Then what happened

>>52416438
Are you doing roll playing in real time or what? Just give your players time to react

>>52414508
>I'll just set X on fire!
see every campaign ever

File: Frog men.jpg (465KB, 800x1168px) Image search: [Google]

465KB, 800x1168px

>>52415111
>>52415176
>>52416462
>>52416936
>>52416984
Okay.

>Playing a game at invitation of my uncle thinking he was running it.
>Turns out a friend of his I'd never met is running the campaign
>7 other people in the group
>Decide to roll generic half-ling rogue because the party has none
>Most of the other group members are teenage murder-hobos my uncle's daughter knew.
>They are on a quest to infiltrate some cult of an evil dragon god to find their base of operations.
>Only real intro I get to the group is I'm an ex-pat who has a beef with the taskmasters running this magic item smuggling cartel for this cult the party is following
>Get the party in as "workers/extra muscle" in this caravan traveling to the cults main hideout.
> Begin our travels and as we pass through a long wyrmbog we have a lot of downtime at nights.
> Being the generic rogue I decide to take a look and see what goods these guys are smuggling.
> My stealth stats are off the charts so I get into a caravan with ease and open up a canvas wrap to find a bunch of magic staves.
>sweet
>Guard is suspicious after finally rolling low and I duck out of there leaving the package as I left it.
>No mention next morning.

File: frog warrior.png (1MB, 1200x1800px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1200x1800px

>>52418209
>Day 2 Nighttime
>Return to the scene of the crime.
>Open package and steal two rods.
>These guys are serving CE cultists. Fuck Em.
>Fuck up my rolls to put the package back perfect before having to dip
>Caravan leader announces theft will be investigated and punished.
>Take this as DM warning to lay off so I decide to mind my own business.
>Then. It happens.
>Our fucking caster.
>Some guy my uncle found at his local game store. Older guy. Kinda weird but that's okay.
>Named his young female bimbo sorceress elf "candy" or some shit.
>just...what?
> This guy was feeling left out so Day 3 at Night immediately after the DM lets us know the Taskmasters are suspicious decides to send his familiar in to steal some shit,
>Immediately fucks up his roll and knocks a bunch of metal shit in a wagon over.
>Sirens go off. High alert. Taskmaster is calling for everyone with their bags out front and center
>nope. fuck that.
>Dip out into the swampy wilderness to sleep in trees instead.
>Trail caravan a few hundred feet in the brush.
>Conflict arises eventually. Caravan is attacked by Lizardmen.
>DM being the cheeky bugger he was didn't want to leave me up so two frogs the size of houses attack me
>One failed roll and I'll be swallowed. So I make a plan.

File: Every DM.gif (3MB, 380x270px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 380x270px

>>52418248
>Begin to sprint back towards caravan screaming and flailing my arms.
>Party is fighting with lizard men when they see it.
>The halfling from earlier running towards them.
>Two giant frogs in tow.
>Clearly he needs help but wait? What's he doing?
>He doesn't stop.
>He runs towards the center covered wagon dagger in hand
>Jumps and cuts through the canvas cover
>Grabs the bundle containing magical staves and rods and tumbles out the other side.
>without. missing. a step.
> At this point it's just a matter of jumping into the near by bog and swimming away into the mist.
>The party and caravan just finish off the lizardmen in time to start chasing me apparently because 1 bundle of rods is more important that two house sized frogs
>My uncle who was the originally mentioned Paladin thinks he's got a plan as well
>Runs up on his horse and grabs me by the scruff
>Says "I'll pretend to kill you. Toss you in the water and return the package"
>I say "That's stupid just let me get away."
>Struggle against him
>He rolls strength to hold on to me
>2
>I roll like a 16
>I break away such that it looks like he just let me go it was so sad.
>He drops me and I disappear into the bog
>Dragonkin Paladin says "fuck this" and hits a pursueing caravan wheel with his hammer so hard it disintergrates.
>Party kills rest if Caravan leadership
>DM decides that was the only caravan we could follow to the cult hideout
>Cleric loses prophetic vision of saving the world
>All is lost.
>Bad end.

>>52418023
It doesn't really come across in the post, but I did give him time to react.

I wanted to press upon him that he couldn't spend time faffing. Some decisions have to be made quickly. But to be fair, I was hinting so fucking hard that the vampires were going to come that it was his own damn fault.

This too place over the course of about 2 or 3 minutes with me giving 30 or 40 second pauses between each statement, which might not sound like much, but try waiting for 30 seconds just to see how much time it gives you. It'll surprise you.

>>52418274
>try to roleplay
>literally the game ends because of it because the GM is a complete asshat
well then.
nice.

>>52418437
It was railroading at it's finest my friend.

>>52414508

> I'm standing in front of a crystal larger than me holding a petrol bomb
> Everyone else is fighting ice golems
> Me: "Are you guys sure you want me to throw this at the crystal?
> Everyone Else: "YES!"
> Me: "But there's scary ghosts inside the crystal. Are you guys REALLY sure?"
> EE: "YES!"
> Me: "If I break the crystal they might go free."
> EE: "BREAK IT"
> Me: "Okay"
> Action: throw my petrol bomb
> Move Action: run away

Turns out the bomb did break the crystal and the ghosts inside did break free and the ghosts ate my party and chased me out of the dungeon. I think everyone else thought the crystal was controlling the golems and only I could see the ghosts inside the crystal. So yeah, the piss poor decision was my piss poor decision.

>>52418535
Nah, it's their fault for not listening. They have nobody to blame but themselves.

>>52418571
If somebody tells you to do something stupid and you should know it's stupid, but do it anyway it's at least50% your fault too.

In a completely stress free non rushed situation one player walked through what is best described as the death gate from Harry Potter 5 that killed Sirius. He was told multiple times by the DM that he would die and his charachter would be permenantly dead. There was nothing on the other side. There was no elaborate challenge. No one even told him to do it. It was just there as a set piece (we don't even remember why it is just this event that made it memorable). Still he walked through, no rolls he just died.

>>52414508

> Rogue sneaking in the swamp
> Rogue spies a lizardwoman
> Rogue wants to rape lizardwoman
> Player thinks this is the height of comedy
> I ask the player what's his problem and we get into an argument
> Rogue player goes on a tangent about Gamergate and how its okay to rape women sometimes
> CompleteDisgust.jpg
> Good End: I told his girlfriend what the player said and she got so upset she left him (for a month, he eventually begged hard enough to get her back)
> Best End: We kicked him out shortly after

File: Doctor Strange Poster.jpg (140KB, 720x960px) Image search: [Google]

140KB, 720x960px

>>52418721
Sirius was killed by Bellatrix mate, he just flew through the portal because that was the portal to the afterlife. He was already dead.

>>52414508
>Alright Dave. You can DM.

That was literally all it took.

File: IMG_2555.jpg (29KB, 372x260px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 372x260px

>>52414508
Ok so we were playing dark heresy and were on a desert forge world dealing with tech bandits or some shit. It was super mad max. We were in like a truck and were chasing down a bunch of these desert tech cultists or whatever and they had a big fuel truck and some technicals and bikes etc.

So it's me who's a Psyker, an arbites, a skitari, a preacher, and a scum. The scum is driving. I'm leaning out the back using minor telekinesis to fuck with our pursuer's steering wheels, crashing bikes together, starting open flames by their engines etc everything is fine. Eventually our skitari and arbite take out the wheels on the big rig and it slows down as it pops a flat.

All of us but the skitari and the scum dismount and board the rig, with the preacher and I lead in the way, him with a war hammer and me following up with a shotgun and telekinesis. The arbiter doesn't board but does lay down some suppression.

The scum backs up the jeep over a fine. We wonder where he went. I jump overboard, we have cleared out the rig and taken captives. Time for the preacher and the cop to start interrogations. We hear honking and look up. The scum fucking runs me over and slams into the rig, he bails out about a hundred metres back and presses his thumb on a detonator, blowing up the jeep which he has just driven into a fuel rig. It blows up. I die twice. Preacher is dead. Hostages are dead. Arbiter is injured critically. Skitari, I don't know.

"Hurrr I thought you guys needed a hand clearing out those cultists."

We had literally finished the job. The plot then hit a dead end and we never ran another session.

>>52418814
rape is a pretty beta fetish.

Consensual sex with Lizardwoman would be appropriate but never in a multiplayer tabletop setting.

Magical realm please go.

File: Henry VIII Large and in charge.jpg (628KB, 1224x800px) Image search: [Google]

628KB, 1224x800px

>>52418814
I have never played at a table where sexuality has been brought up before.

But then I don't tend to play with people who are that autistic. I have done with some on the spectrum, sure, but they at least know how to conduct themselves within social situations to some degree

>>52418884
The girl in our group's female character regularly gets referred to fairly dergoatorily and she also seems to get kidnapped quite frequently.

Nothing ever really comes of it but it's still worthy of note.

>>52416340

>Pulls the fire alarm
>No fire, back inside everyone

>Bomb Threat
>SWAT comes a knocking and shoots the fuck out of Witchy

He saved you all you fucking idiot

File: 1387566429596.jpg (29KB, 418x332px) Image search: [Google]

29KB, 418x332px

>>52418921
Yeah I've played in groups like that, where all the blokes are clearly hungry for the one girl sat around the table, and the plot seems to take it that way.

I'm no ardent feminist, but I have been around tables that would make even your most tame feminist say "See! This is what I'm talking about!"

This is what you get for playing a game that attracts those on the fringes of social interaction I guess...

In a Warhammer Fantasy game, our halfling picked up a Daemon Sword in front of a Warrior Priest.

>>52418884
>>52418921
I'm vaguely nervous going into a new group as a female player.

Two of the players are shitters from what I heard, cracking jokes like that in the first session.

Hopefully it should be fine.

>>52414508
I once threw an alien weapon into a woodchipper. It had been months irl since we received treasure and I was no longer thinking like a murderhobo.

>>52419075
You're predisposed to direct sperg radiation because you have a vagina. Sorry.
Just have the guts to put your foot down or outright leave if things become unacceptable.

File: His is an ego that will pierce the heavens.jpg (253KB, 676x400px) Image search: [Google]

253KB, 676x400px

>>52419075
If they are shits, don't play with them.

I've played games with turbo spergs, and I've played games with people who are legitimately fucking cooler than cool. cooler than two fonzies strapped together with snakes. Most lie in between.

Never put up with shitty players around a table because they're all you've got. There will be no doubt countless groups looking for new players, many of which without knobs in them.

>>52419158
Is that Bob Kane's real headstone? That's amazing if so.

>>52419213
It genuinely is.

Best joke of all? He did very little to help create Batman and basically screwed over Bill Finger, Jerry Robinson etc to get his and only his name on the franchise.

Bob Kane was a cunt.

>>52419027
I completely get where you're coming from anon but it's not quite like that.

>girl
English posh girl. Married to one of our players. We have been playing together for years. She has a nice side (she's lovely) but...
We are quite aware that she and other player have a very...non traditional relationship in some respects.
>her character
A turbo bitch witch elf with a penchant for tearing out jugulars with her teeth.

Every so often an NPC will "gosh she's got breeding hips!" And be referring to a horse behind her
Or "look at them melons!" Referring to two large fruits on a stall.

The party have learnt to grab her at these points but it's still very funny.

Also our BBEGs have a kinda habit of trying to kidnap her to use err... Um...breeding an army of supersoldiers.

She's weirdly ok with being rescued like a princess every so often.

>>52419075
See
>>52419303
She's a group favourite and loves it. YMMV.

>>52419303
I personally would find that cringy as hell, but so long as you guys are all happy I'm not one to judge

>>52419303
The cringe factor is real

>>52419359
From the outside it rather is I guess but it didn't really start out that way just lots of little in jokes and things.

For example the melons thing started not long after [plot reasons] aliens took over her mind and abducted her for a bit in a sort of Species 2 way. She's also just one of those people that are fun to get a rise out of.

Anyway what I'm trying to say is you'll be fine.

>>52419303
I feel like there's a different dynamic to it when it's the DM's doing versus another player's, but maybe I'm just strange in that regard.

Either way, the DM seems pretty chill, and from the sound of it, he's dissatisfied with the pair already. Could just end with them getting booted.

>>52419359
>>52419414
Keep in mind
>We are quite aware that she and other player have a very...non traditional relationship in some respects.

At least one other player in anon's group appears to be fucking her so that probably explains the dynamic at least a bit

File: Hey Arnold.gif (26KB, 303x200px) Image search: [Google]

26KB, 303x200px

>>52419303
>>52419325

My missus has been part of my D&D group since before we were even an item and no time that I can think of with the numerous players that we've had have we ever treated her as any more or any less than another player around the table, much less the butt of jokes because she happens to own a vagina.

Maybe they work for you, and that's fine but one shouldn't assume that a girl would "love the attention" because they're the female of the group.

>>52419440
We're all old friends and have been playing together for about ten years.

I guess it just kinda works. We also kinda like them being a couple. I'm sorry it really isn't as weird as I'm making it out here.

>>52419477
Not to make an ill assumption of someone I don't know, but it sounds like its working for that group because the girl in question really does like the attention and the players like giving it to her

>>52419465
She's just heavily into bondage and our Dorf player just happens to really enjoy tying her up a lot. It gets kind of hard to tell where her horse tackle ends and their toys begin sometimes.

Dorf being her husband.

>>52419477
It's never really been an issue. She's a respected role player but also completely mental so it works for us. Believe me if she wasn't happy about it she would let us know.

>>52419505
re-read
>>52419325
It seems as though they're using "lol she's a woman anon" as justification for why women "love the attention"

>>52419585
I'm not really sure I follow your point anon.
I'm >>52419325 et al btw.

File: 1422638795409.jpg (11KB, 234x317px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 234x317px

>>52419546
>>52419497
>>52419303
I'd hate for one of my players real personalities and sexual preferences to come out in a ROLE PLAYING game.

Imagine sitting around a table and everything comes back to how great it is X is trans or Y is gay or Z loves fucking anything that moves. All fun I'm sure, but you'll understand if it's not for me or most players of the game to autisticly sperg over the fact they have a woman round the table who is ok with blokes being lecherous fucks.

If it works for you, that's cool. Don't treat it as a norm.

>>52419325
I feel like "She's female, and she likes it, so maybe you'll like it too" is kind of a crappy argument when I just mentioned distaste for that kind of behavior.

File: 1489046515921.jpg (22KB, 640x394px) Image search: [Google]

22KB, 640x394px

>>52419075
>im always vaguely nervous when entering a new group
>>52419303
>Also our BBEGs have a kinda habit of trying to kidnap her to use err... Um...breeding an army of supersoldiers.
>>52419415
>abducting by aliens for some kind of alien 2 way.

This is why women are fucking scared to step up to the table. Because someone always has to turn it into a magical realm instead of just playing a normal game. Really surprised people cant just hide the inner sperg for a few hours once a week sit down down and play a game.

I sold a special unidentified red ruby that my gm described as "a red ruby". I got suspicious when the gem store owner offered 100k, but sold it anyway only for the GM to say it was a fire dragon egg and I stole that shit right back.

>>52419657
Fucking this.

>>52419642
It's just an in-joke which crops up about one in maybe six sessions. I really should have put more thought into laying this out with more care for you all.

Hell from what I recall a bucket of our adventures got storytimed on here.

>>52416340
>>52416408
>>52418960

I think the problem is that bomb threats are a lot more likely to be traced back to the caller than a prank alarm pull, and police don't take that kind of shit lightly so they'll actually do it.

>>52419657
Because some people actually genuinely find it hard to attract a member of the female sex and therefore treat every new female as a potential girlfriend as opposed to a person first. I've seen it countless times.

They can't just be friends with the girl, they have to try it on first

>>52419706
Here we are https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Britbongsteros

Seeing as I appear to have inadvertently kicked over a nest of weird bees.

>>52419706
>a bunch of our adventures got story timed here
Please don't anon. Your magical realm is full of fail and autism

>>52414508
I wrapped an orb that was housing Demogorgon in a sack, and then whacked it against a wall trying to kill it.

Good news!: I stopped Tiamat from resurrecting and kicking off the apocalypse because the resulting explosion killed nearly the entire cult.

Bad news: started a whole NEW apocalypse!

Not my best moment.

File: Oi_It's_7_Bong.jpg (28KB, 500x261px)

28KB, 500x261px

>>52419751
So you're a britbong. Where from/where do you play perchance? I've got a sneaking suspicion I know you.

It better not be Tewkesbury.

>>52419843
It's a great distance from there. The group met at a university in Scotland.

>>52419860
Good.

>>52419657
This isn't pick up play. It's an established group and all groups grow in jokes. It's very different to the unwashed in an LGS.

>>52419912
Just so long as you admit that while you might not be, people like you are a cancer upon the game for female players who aren't into that.

>>52414508
I once had a player willingly stick his arm in the mouth of a hostile werewolf in an attempt to get werewolf powers.

I

>>52419985
If we were playing at an LGS with people we didn't know then things would be different.

In a different context and with a player we didn't know comments or similar would he totally unacceptable. This is a long established friend. We all rib on each other.

So no. I won't take the fedora and Cheeto stains you seem to be forcing upon us and perhaps it's best we agree to disagree.

>>52420085
"people LIKE you"

Not you

LIKE you

Reading comprehension.

>>52419912
You're not all that different mate, youre still a sperg that forces his magical realm on the players

>>52420175
fuck yourself autist

File: GET OUT GANJA GREMLIN.png (318KB, 585x800px) Image search: [Google]

318KB, 585x800px

>>52416954
>>52417211
>>52416643
99% sure of samefaggotry, but in any case GET OUT GANJA GREMLIN

File: At least you tried.jpg (9KB, 300x222px) Image search: [Google]

9KB, 300x222px

>>52420202
Yes, I'm the autist for failing to be able to treat a woman like a human and not a sex object, sure.

The projection is real

>>52420306
Not the person you're replying to but you seem to be having a fairly large reaction to what is clearly an in-group in joke.

A decision I made
>party is captured by KuoToa or however you say it
>tie us up and throw us in a holding room while the rummage through our gear
>try to sneak over to my knife sticking out of pack in corner
>they notice and kick me away from it
>try again as soon as they turn their backs
>they notice again and impale me on a spear in the middle of the room, Vlad style
>"so the spearhead is sticking out of my chest right?"
>"Ye, why?"
>"I use it to cut the bonds at my wrist, pull the shaft through the hole, drop into a fighting stance and roll initiative"

I died

>>52420505
Lol, did you learn a lesson in Blood lose?

File: Green_Hag-5e.png (118KB, 220x300px) Image search: [Google]

118KB, 220x300px

The druid decided to offer sex with the fighter to an old lizardwoman shaman lady, in return for the recipe of a cure to the disease that plagued her hometown.
The fighter rolled a 20 on his charisma check, so she accepted, but not before making them go on a quest for a magical mcguffin. The last session ended before they finished that dungeon.

I'm already looking forward to the look on their faces when they find out that the lizardfolk lady was actually a disguised hag.

>>52420306
>you grognards are the reason I cant have a waifu anymore

r9k is over there m8

File: bait_cancer.jpg (10KB, 228x225px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 228x225px

>>52421811

Post Apoc campaign
We were travelling and came to an seemingly abandoned shed. Seemingly because at it was a gigantic fucking dog
We were a group of 4 PCs and 2 NPCs so me (medic) and another PC (mechanic) stayed there with some fire to keep the dog away while the rest searched the house
For some dumb reason the mechanic got the wish to tame the dog. What does he do? Reaches out to it
First time he managed to pull his hand back fast enough.
Then he tried again.
And got a finger bitten off

>>52419027
>>52418921
The only female is my group isn't precisely thirsty but...

So she walks around nude all the time, or damn near with very little clothing and whatnot. She has these one-way pheromones that make men lust after her, plays an abhuman in 40k meaning her character by birth has no rights ontop of all that. She's very sexual and rape-happy and all that nonsense and it gets irritating going to noble balls and such and oh here comes the nude catgirl behind us.

>>52422156
OK now that's magical realm.

>>52414508
The Psyker tried using his powers.

>>52422156
Reminds me of one of my players.

Every single game he plays a 13-14 year old boy who dresses like a cat girl. Shadowrun? Eh, sure, i guess thats fine. DnD? Really pushing it here man. Deadlands? Just straight what the fuck?

Also, he always takes knowledge skill points in sex. Like, his Shadowrun character spent 6 knowledge points in Sexual education - Logic. His deadlands character has Knowledge Sex 5.

Everyone in the group is constantly appalled by it. But I figured, ok, sure, you want that, go with it.

>Shadowrun 5th
>Party tasked with getting a local aspirin supplier shut down cause X corp wants to open a new plant.
>Party spends a whole session making a plan (rather good one too) and at start of next session they implement it.
>First thing catgirl(boy) does is break away from the plan as soon as they are in sight of the plant, walks up to the 40 year old balding guard and asks to seduce him.
>uh... why?
>Oh, my character likes older men.
>entire group is so flat stunned
>decide to nip this thread in the bud and i roll in full view then explain the literal +24 he has to resist because of obvious reasons
>2 of the other players literally "suddenly" get texts saying they have an emergency at home.

Since I'm GM, I just create little railway tracks around him being able to use these skills inappropriately. Saddest fucking part? Whenever I do leave something he could legit use the skills for he specifically doesn't use them.

>>52416087
And how did that work out?

>>52423282
... Why haven't you booted him?

>>52423409
He's a fine enough guy when we're not playing tabletop games.

Though mostly cause he lives here and he gets super pissy about not being invited. I wish he didn't owe me 5 months of rent cause i know if i kicked him out he ain't never gonna pay me.

Pro tip: Don't be a good person and offer a friend a place to stay while he looks for a job, saying you will let him pay you later once he's working.

>>52420068
Same thing happened with me. Thing is, it was a dead werewolf. So he turned once and figured, now I'm a werewolf. But I figured since he pierced himself with a dead werewolf's fang, the curse would only work once. So they joined an anarchist's coup about a dozen sessions later and the key to their plan was doing it on the full moon so he would turn into a werewolf and tear the city council to pieces, and since you could only kill werewolves with silver, he would be all but immune to their attacks.

So they get to the top level, looking down on the city, other character shoots the guards, and they wait for him to turn. And wait. And wait. Then realize it's not gonna happen, and they get attacked. They still won but it was a much closer battle.

>>52423473
Plain and simple, never ask any friend or family for any kind of delayed compensation ever. Either get it now or don't ever ask for it because all it will do is fuck up a relationship.

>>52414508
This is a story from when I was being a DM.It needs some context
>large homebrew campaign
>party of 8, 9 with DM
>series of 12 "apostles"
>they all have special powers that the party has to figure out
>party enters a town after 2
>gate closes behind them
>see shadowy figure with long scarf
>Lighting strikes them from above
>After lightning strike, he disappears
>party cannot find him
>They see a large purple bubble lay like a sheet diagonally across the watchtower, inside the stone
>It suddenly burst and all the stone disapears
>slides onto party, fighter's legs get crushed
>he appears in front of the party
>he puts a bubble around rogue's foot
>rogue crit fails
>bubble pops and his foot is now gone
>hedeletesmatterfuckyou.png
>Group gets up to fight
>He lays a sheet of bubble on ground
>jump check
>goblin rogue crit fails
>his legs are gone
>half the party is down before battle even begins
>later in battle, half of the party is unconscious, half the party is half health or less, boss bloodied
>in desperate attempt, psionic PC throws deep crystal dagger at boss to damage him
>boss pulls it out
>surrounds it in bubble
>allow psionic PC to make a 'saving throw' to retrieve it
>he succeeds in grabbing it
>doesn't realize that he put his arm in
>bubble pops
>loses hand
>great job (you)

I will finish the battle story if anyone wants me to

>>52424116

This just sounds like a party getting wrecked by bad rolls, not poor decision-making.

>>52424116
what happens next?

>enter a new town the DM has been building up as some big, important place
>stay at the inn for the night
>halfling rogue wakes up to find her stuff missing
>party investigates, finds out that the only shopkeeper in town might be a bit crooked
>we go to question him
>dragonborn paladin decides this guy is automatically evil, starts screaming at the shopkeeper about giving back our stuff before he cuts his head off
>shopkeeper is freaking out, uses an emergency spell scroll he had to turn invisible and coat the floor with spider's web
>party trapped in room, my ranger can see the shopkeeper escaping with hunter's vision
>all fail our strength checks to free ourselves
>dragonborn paladin has another genius idea, lets loose his fire breath
>in a wooden house
>he is freed and helps the nearby wizard escape
>me and the rogue escape ourselves
>cleric keeps failing strength saving throws, eventually dies in the inferno the paladin caused
>town is now really pissed we destroyed their only source of importing and exporting on a hunch
>angry mob ensues, chases us out of the town
>halfing rogue can't run fast enough, is attacked by the mob and killed

>next session DM came back with a new campaign, because we just got banned from the town with the super-special-macguffin that would have helped us find the BBEG, and he didn't know where to go from there

I tried to run the dragonlance modules.

That was a piss poor decision.

>>52416850
Woah, this is a pretty clever story.

>>52424199
>throwing a very precious knife at a boss who destroys matter is a logical move

>>52414508
>Playing Curse of Strahd campaign
>Taking cover in an abandoned church that is completely surrounded by werewolves
>The church is the only thing saving us because all of us barely have any hit points, but the werewolves can't get to us because the church is still consecrated ground
>Our rogue is drunk OOC so he is more chaotic stupid than usual
>Rogue already has a bad reputation in the party because he constantly tries to steal our stuff, often in the middle of combat
>Gets the shit beaten out of him by our paladin of Tiamat because he tried to steal from him
>Gets angry that the party is against him so he torches the church with a flask of Alchemist's Fire, then runs out to allow himself get turned into a werewolf
>He gets knocked unconscious. He makes his Con saving throw so he doesn't catch lycanthropy

>>52424279
>boss is on the brink of death
>"YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME, NOT EVEN IN DEATH"
>boss collapses onto knees
>creates a little tiny bubble
>Drains entire soul and essence into bubble
>collapses as skeleton and turns to dust as he hits the ground
>bubble begins to expand with no signs of stopping
>party gets the hint and begins to run out of town
>town is looking at them all wondering what the fuck has been going on
>bubble still expanding
>they crash down the wooden gate and continue running
>bubble has consumed the entire town at the point
>pops
>party is flung into the crater by the vacuum of the bubble
>guilt trip them the rest of the campaign about not saving the town
>somehow goes down as one of the best boss fights in my group who have several years of experience

>>52424540
Consecrated ground doesn't become desecrated just because the church is burned. Shouldn't have mattered.

>>52419276
It's like one of those pharaohs, who pretty much had his name carved over all the previous pharaohs to take credit for everything they did as well, because fuck you, I'm gonna live forever.

File: VqEj1Pl.gif (888KB, 450x252px) Image search: [Google]

888KB, 450x252px

>>52416541
>>52416643
>>52416954
>>52417211

>meme junkies

File: ahhhhhhhhh.gif (288KB, 320x135px)

288KB, 320x135px

>>52414662
plz

>>52414508
Ok. Got a good one. This is from Lost Mines of Phandelver. So spoilers if you are playing it.

So, it is in the goblin cave (which they skipped initially). The party is making a great effort to be discreet and methodical in their assault, dealing with their obstacles in a very clean manner. The dragonborn rogue climbs up the gravel pit that leads to the natural chimney and scout ahead. While the others are laying out their battle plans and movement, the player in-character lets out an audible "Ha." Into Klarg's Quarters. All of the units in that room noticed him and sounded the alarms. The party was pissed. All that planning down the drain.

>>52424582
Consecrated ground doesn't really protect us from getting burned alive.

>>52418814
I feel like this is just false-flagging.

File: 1514621_449141985258613_6720156315813413215_n.jpg (5KB, 194x212px)

5KB, 194x212px

>>52414662
Do it now

>>52417215
>Warn them that the chance of a serious mishap are extremely high.
>They do it anyway
I definitely thought that they were going to leave behind the reference book and get caught off-guard by the evil faction. Nope, they just failed to follow their own advice or the really ominous warning. I feel like they deserved it.

File: 1310408064982_zps11ffb953.jpg (10KB, 441x408px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 441x408px

>>52424733
you really think someone would do that? just go on the internet and tell lies?

File: 518406e8aecd067645d2506df39e1e34101baab466816d084a6e7830229c5e48.png (1MB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1920x1080px

>Be playing Scion
>American pantheon, essentially Hank Hill except I build bombs, which turned into a spiral of domestic terrorism the party decided to go along with
>Get to the end, fight a divine npc that turned into a dragon
>Decide I'm gonna end this in one go, activate The Project power and create an atom bomb
>But I could make it bigger...
>Cast Earth Armor on the dragon, covering it in huge slabs of rock armor
>Everyone is confused
>Have another power, forget the name, that seems to say I could take any material like rock and give it all the properties of any other materials I want
>"So GM, this power let's me turn rock into any other compound I want, right?"
>"Pretty much, yeah, why?"
>"I cast it on the earth armor."
>"Alright, what do you turn it into?"
>"Uranium"
>"Wait..."
>GM thinks on this as the party goes into hysterics
>GM says fuck it and allows it to happen
>Only 1 player avoids complete annihilation
>Campaign over

That entire campaign was one insane train wreck after another.

>>52424570
nice, i like it

>>52414508
>Corporation game
>Squad is 4 Augmented mercs, one non-Aug grenadier, and one non-Aug face/medic (me)
>Megacorp sends us to a science facility, grab some bio-tech data and/or samples
>stealth first, smash & grab if things go south, no witnesses, no traces our Corp was involved
>Middle of Syberia so we take a stealth chopper there
>Cyborgs are dropped off and enter facility, leave me, the grenadier, and the NPC pilot in the chopper for air support & extraction
>Grenadier has no stealth whatsoever and I'm not great in a fight, we're the backup in case things go bad
>Ten minutes pass out of game, and grenadier decides he's tired of being on the chopper
>Throws on a parachute, throws the others out of the chopper, tosses a brick of C4 in the back, jumps out, waits three seconds then remote detonates it
>I look at the grenadier's player, like "Really, dude?"
>He just shrugs and gives a shit-eating grin
>I ask the GM if I can roll something to not die
>"Well, you didn't notice him doing any of that so..."
>The pilot and I die instantly from the explosion
>I go get snacks
>By the time I get back two of the cyborgs are dead, the facility is on high alert, bio-weapon monsters are killing Cyborg #3, and the grenadier is just firing his RPG randomly
>Remaining two cyborgs realize that the mission is FUBAR, their objective is already beyond salvage
>They start high-tailing it
>Grenadier meets up with them, completely blows their stealthy retreat
>Sniper badly wounds one Cyborg, horrible monster eats the other, Grenadier botches a grenade throw and blows up himself AND chars the last Cyborg
>Final cyborg runs from burning facility, bleeding badly, in the middle of the tundra with no cold weather gear (sleek stealth suit)
>Dies of exposure & blood loss a few in-game hours later
>I watch and finish a Coke while the group starts bickering
>Leave group, never go back, find out it dissolved immediately afterwards
>Nightmare Mode Achieved

>>52424582
The church was on fire. They would have to choose between fleeing the flames and staying on consecrated ground. Think, anon.

>>52420175
>>52420202

It wouldn't be a /tg/ thread without pissy off-topic sniping going on halfway through the thing.

C'mon, guys.

>>52414508
Here are a couple that stick out the most from an RPG based on the Pathfinder card game:

>Party confronted with angry mob of townsfolk
>The paladin (me) reminds them not to kill anyone and use non-lethal attacks since they're civilians
>wizard casts "non-lethal" acid spray on the crowd

>Party exploring underground temple that has a lead to the boss of the session
>Party meets a really sketchy water goddess person who asks for them to take a bath with her in a pool.
>3/4 party members do so
>1 straight-up dies and the other two get their souls offered to the evil god of the setting

>>52425182
>one insane train wreck after another.
Honestly, I'm at the point where I expect the campaign to generally be a trash fire

>>52419715
Clearly an actual bomb should have been planted.

I'm in a group with one guy that never pays attention to anything and has fucked up royally in every one of our campaigns in some way.

>we need to do sacrifice to a spider god or die
>decide to pretend sacrifice a bunch of zombies to it so we can leave alive
>he begins the sacrifice with "Oh giant spider, accept this sacrifice of the undead"
>spider god gets angry at our ruse and we survive exclusively due to dumb luck

>enter haunted hospital
>obvious trap doorbell says "ring me"
>he does
>gurney monster kicks our shit in

>>52414508

Nightmare Mode: Accepted

>Be 1999
>Be theater geek senior in high school
>Be friends with drama teacher
>He gets the drama clique together for an "Improv" class
>Mostly seniors, one junior, one sophomore
>Let's call the sophomore "Al"
>Turns out for our "Improv" class we're gonna play Vampire: The Masquerade
>It's fucking awesome
>I'm a Tremere, have a neat magic cane that I never figured out the properties of
>Our whole story is about how we're trailing an elder vampire across Europe, in order to deliver him a message
>Hijinks ensue. At one point I get my arm turned into a flesh noodle by a Tzimice (sp? It's been awhile).
>School year is ending, and we need one more session to finish
>Agree to meet up on a Saturday afternoon for a few hours, agree to wrap it up by 5.
>We've almost found the elder vampire
>The coterie is in North Africa, in a van, driving towards a giant demonic whirlwind
>Al is driving the van
>Al sees whirlwind
>Al freaks
>Al decides to turn the van around
>Not slow down and change direction, just straight up 180, jerk the wheel type turn
>Van rolls over multiple times, injures several of us
>Van is upside down, use strength to turn it rightside up
>Roll 1
>Axle breaks upon turning it upright
>After shouting at Al a lot, we make a run for the storm
>We run out of time. It's 5:00, and our parents are waiting.
>End of campaign.

Fucking Al.

>>52431511
Well, the game would've died regardless of his actions, albeit on a more positive note, so it's not really Nightmare Mode.

>>52424116
>You can make a saving throw to retrieve the dagger if you want.
>Sounds good! I'll do that! (rolls)
>HAHAHA. YOU FORGOT IT WAS COATED IN DEATH BUBBLES. FUCK YOU.

Did you seriously do this? Or was it different in context?

>>52414508
>Party tracks assassination target to a nightclub, during a sold out concert
>Sneak in through the back, end up on a catwalk above the stage
>Target is visible in the audience
>The PC with the highest marksmanship skill takes aim with the fancy sniper rifle purchased specifically for this mission
>And then the two others begin hurling grenades and firing their machine pistols into the crowd
I'd compare it to the end of Inglorious Basterds, but none of the victims were Nazis. The party massacred like 20 people, the target escaped, and half of their underground contacts won't return their calls.

>>52424570
>about not saving the town
And how was that even an option when you gave the boss (with hitherto unknown abilities) a cutscene power to wipe it out? Having no choice means that there is zero guilt trip potential unless your players are gullible idiots.

>>52414508
>we end up in a room and the door locks behind us, suddenly the room starts filling with a poisonous gas
>the door we came in though is solid steel there is no way we can break through it
>we start searching the room for some kind of hidden passage or some kind of way to turn off the gas
>(GM had a clock and when it reached zero the gas killed us)
>we find a button under a cabinet in the side of the room and a hidden passage opens in the middle of the room
>a door is there, but its locked
>start looking for a key
>one of the group isn't really "that guy" but he just makes terrible decisions sometimes
>there's literally one place left the key could be
>about 10 seconds left untill we all pass out, the gas has pretty much filled the room at this point
"DON'T WORRY GUYS I GOT THIS"
>casts massive fire spell at the door to burn through it
>gas ignites, room explodes with so much force it blows a hole in the dungeon we were in
>everyone dies
>it wasn't even a wooden door

>>52420505
That's pretty metal

> Curse of Strahd campaign
> Player tells the guard of a town they need their heirloom so they can use it to kill Strahd
> Another player manages to de-escalate the situation by saying it was a joke
> 1st Player: "We're serious! We'll fight you if you don't comply! "

>random one shot in pf while on vacation
>make a rogue that specialized in poison attacks
>DM decides that we all start imprisoned with no weapons
>my secret goal is to kill one of the player characters
>we escape from the camp while trudging through the shit and piss filled sewers of a Not-Aztec city
>DM puts up a giant fucking monster in a cave and tells us not to attack it
>I immediately rush to it, to try and trigger a total party kill and kill my target
>Friend one tries to stop me from doing the stupid action and hold me back
>Failed it
>Friend two, who was an edgy Sasuke clone tiefling whos only weakness was being beta and incredibly ugly tries to hold me back
>Failed
>Friend three was a wimply illusionist who couldn't do shit
>Didn't even bother rolling
>Friend four tried
>Failed it too
>The DMPC tried despite being a dancer
>Failed the hold roll
>None of these fails were DM Fiats either, just piss poor rolls
>So my rogue runs past the group and intentionally attacks this giant beast
>Roll for poison, it lands, doing ball tickling damage per turn
>Turn around and run back
>Beast eats me before I can even leave the cave
>While in its mouth, pour out all poison because fuck it
>All the poison did nothing major it
>The party leaves after

>>52418274
Why didn't you just start using your wands that you "just acquired" to attack the frogs?

>>52414662
Cmon fag, you want to do it, we know you want to, etc, just write the greentext plz

>>52414508
Player had their cohort character demolish a raided museum on the grounds that some of the now-destroyed artifacts held there that we had brought there in the first place could potentially be used for ill if repaired. It caused a schism that eventually led to in-fighting, accusations of disloyalty, NPCs leaving the party, and a lot of other bullshit until our GM couldn't find fun with the campaign anymore.

>>52416850
A twelve-year-old with a two-year-old daughter, no less.

>>52414508
I've told this story once or twice before

>Party is ambushed while walking around in a certain city.
>During the fight, one of them narrowly notices one of their assailants shoving something into the rogue's pack.
>After fight, go and look at what it was.
>Some kind of weird blue stone
>Can easily tell it's magical, but not what it does
>Take it to a diviner
>Diviner divines that it's one of a set, he can't tell how many, and that with the right attunement, someone with one of the stones can tell the location of all the other stones.
>They pay the guy, put it back in their packs, leave
>Roughly once every other day after that, they get attacked by seriously nasty assassins.
>Like, characters dying in most of these fights and needing to be raised afterwards encounters.
>Go into hiding mode
>Doesn't work.
>Remind them, OOC, about that stone they're carrying around, and how it's sending signals to parties unknown.
>Get a response from one of the guys of "Yeah, but that could be anyone. How are we supposed to know if it's connected to these assassins or not?"

>>52434371

Man, you'd think a poison expert would have just thought to nick someone while they were trudging through all the piss and shit.

>>52435125

Presumably "falls sick and dies about a decade after producing an heiress" means "had a child in her early twenties, then poisons herself and transfers her soul when she starts to feel her age", not "have a child at ten and then immediately die".

>>52414508
I've got one
>Rouge is scouting
>Rouge is bad at scouting
>gets seen
>then shot
>fails Con save vs. pain
>nat 1
>arrow is rusted and filthy
>will get infected if not healed properly in ~3 hours
>nearest doctor is a day away
>Rouge takes a shot of ESSENCE OF NIGHTSHADE for the pain.
>"ok roll Con" GM says
>nat 1
>minus 1
>"You black out in several seconds"
>Rouge stands up and walks away

I don't know what he expected to happen.

>>52435338
That should teach you to never allow people to play as Sonic characters.

File: 1474835554228.png (205KB, 293x299px) Image search: [Google]

205KB, 293x299px

>play shadowrun
>boat we're on gets attacked by a sub that rose above water
>instead of being smart and killing the subs crew with machine gun fire as they board I instruct the teams rigger to operate the ships crane and create an improvised bridge out of a freight container
>run across top of container and elbow drop the subs hull with smashing blow
>pre edge for kicks
>nineteen fucking successes
>not just break through the hull but damage it so badly the engine explodes
>nearly get caught on a blown up sub, but another PC threw a life preserver just before the ship sped away from the hunk of metal
>mfw only after I stop humming rules of nature to myself that I remember I don't have ranks in swim

That could have ended in disaster

>>52414662
I'd be interested to hear that one

File: 1490498109735.gif (566KB, 400x472px) Image search: [Google]

566KB, 400x472px

>>52416340
We did that almost every few months to get out of class and is not weird in college for someone to do it to move the exam to the next day
South america education is shit anyways

>>52419546
>bondage
>non-traditional
you say non traditional people are going to think someone in that couple is fucking a 3rd party, not that they enjoy some bdsm.Also that just sounds like they rp in the sack as well and use the game to get some inspiration

>>52419546
hey, its purple penguin lad

>>52439230
>purple penguin lad
explain or I'm biting your nose off

> Magic sword on plinth in dungeon
> Surrounded by corpses, mostly skeletons, some more fresh
> Most are gripping the handle of the sword, or were gripping the handle of the sword
> Walls are covered in glyphs of people touching the sword and dying
> "I grab the sword"


Just...

It was supposed to be a recurring trap from enemies and booby-traps with suggestions/domination abilities throughout the dungeon who would tell players and NPCs to go get them 'that really sweet sword'.

It killed a player without outside intervention inside of a minute of me introducing it.

(The player evidently thought I was bluffing/it was an illusion of some sort)

>>52414508
>Rogue dies after a carriage chase through a city
>Took a nasty fall after jumping out, and got smeared across the cobble by the coach driver's eldritch blast
>Party gathers around corpse as cleric prepares to use a raise dead scroll
>Sorcerer say, "hold on. I'm going to try to defibrillate her"
>"Uh, OK. How-"
>Casts shocking grasp on rogue's body, crits and vaporized it.
>Rogue is reasonably distraught
>Party pools all of their funds to hire the local archcleric to ressurect rogue
>mfw party is too broke to afford an inn or magic weapons and almost get robbed squatting in the slums
>Sorcerer ends up not getting paid for next job and always has to take longest watch when camping

>>52414508
The party was in a twisted carnival realm where we were told to kill gnomes to gather keys to escape.
We had a lawful good paladin who refused and told the group not to kill the gnomes.
The rest of the party said fuck you and tried to kill the paladin, the paladin retaliated (my rogue l stayed out of the fight deciding to listen to whomever won the fight)
Paladin singlehandedly killed the rest of the party because they refused to stop trying to kill the gnome, he offered them to surrender and leave it alone, they refused and attacked him again.
Turns out the key was just sitting in the gnomes hat.
(The gnome couldn't speak as it's tongue was cut out or something and was tied up to avoid them trying to point at the hat)
We didn't continue that campaign after that.

>>52440480
Just to note there were 5 party members and 1 DAM we are all great friends and just moved to a different campaign someone else was planning.

>>52414508
>Oh look an eversor has infiltrated and I have turn one
>Moves his HQ toward the eversor, runs toward the eversor, doesn't shoot because he took a fucking 100% mele focused chaos lord
>is playing kill the warlord

This was a 1k game at a tournament. Against a mid twenties guy. He complained to his mother to make a fuss with the judge because 'You can't win until turn 6.'

I've never won so easily in my life before or since.