The Legend of Borshwin Geldar

All the Otter had been slaughtered that day, and with tears in his eyes, hysterically mad, Choolu desperately sought any survivor among the Otter that he for so long called Chikkachu (family). But, he would find but only one survivor of his clan; The Otter Elder, Chacheechu (Great Father). Borshwin wept as his beloved foster father died in his arms, but Chacheechu begged him not to cry, as he had lost one family he will soon find another.

Chacheechu regaled to Choolu the tale of a burly Orc mother who came to the river years before. She was desperate to save her newborn baby boy, and pleaded with Chacheechu to raise the boy-Orc as one of their own far away from the nearby Kingdom of Shornwood, and far away from his father... a noble Human with the name of Geldar. The mighty she-Orc told Chacheechu of his birthname, Borshwin, and The Great Father took the young Orc-child and saw within him great promise and, later after the boy slew his first Beaver, as was custom with the Otterfolk, bestowed upon the boy his warname, which he held until this time.

With his last dying breaths, Chacheechu told Choolu to not despair, as he will be waiting for him with the rest of his Otter family, in the great icy waters of Chakooloo, the White Rocks of the Heavens. Chacheechu then told him to rise, Sir Borshwin Geldar, Last King of the Otterfolk, and to go seek his noble family, his *true* blood brethren, in the nearby Kingdom, and stake claim to that which is his by right.

Borshwin, as he was called from that day forward, left the river, with nothing by the Beaver tail loincloth on his jock, and sought forth to find this whimsical kingdom, and fulfill the dying wish of his Great Father, stopping to rest in nearby creeks and rivers along the way, cracking clams on his belly where he could find them.

After months of venturing through the forests, where he met a hermit who'd teach him the Common tongue, and the ways of the common world, Borshwin finally came to the kingdom known as Shornwood. Upon entering the kingdom, bringing gift of fish and clam, he asked a nearby group of guards where he could find the nobleman, his father, with the name of Geldar. For a moment, they were silent and then they.... began laughing hysterically. So hard were they laughing, that one keeled over on to the ground and another vigorously soiled himself.

The guards took Borshwin to the castle, and it was a mighty fortress indeed. Borshwin wondered if perhaps this may one day be his. And they rounded the courtyard and walked further, and they rounded the smith's forge and walked further. And they came to the stables, where they found an old hunchbacked, crosseyed man shoveling manure onto the back of a donkey cart. The grotesque man looked up with a wide empty-minded smile, much like the smile that was regularly upon Borshwin's face.

"Behold! The great and noble Pershwin Geldar, Master of Stable Troughs, Fucker of Sheep and Donkey, and now most certainly Orcs!!"

And the guards once again laughed, and Pershwin also laughed, at what he wasn't sure, and one guard most certainly pissed in his armour from such a mighty laugh, and the big dumb smile slowly faded from Borshwin's face.

Borshwin fled the city in shame, with no true family to call his own, and with no clear direction for the future. After days of walking along a foreign river, he came across a man who was transporting another man in shackles and chains. Searching for meaning and purpose, he approached the man, a bounty hunter, and introduced himself, hoping to make a new friend. The man, assuming Borshwin for a hostile, drew steel and charged at the half-naked Orc, but the man had never heard the legends of The Otter with Fire for Blood, The Bloody Wrath of the River, The Eater of Worlds; but, by witness of the gods, he was about to find out first-hand the meaning of the name Chickaduk-ch-choolu.

After Borshwin flung the man's ruined carcass into a nearby pool of water, and bathed in the blood of his enemy (the first bloodbath in quite some time for Borshwin), his curiosities were drawn to the other man, gagged and wrapped in chains. A smile returning to his face, Borshwin wondered if perhaps THIS man could be a friend. Borshwin took the man's hand in his, as Otterfolk were wont to do, and told the terrified prisoner that he would call him Lucky, as Otterfolk had no concept of birthnames, and Borshwin told his petrified and silent friend of his entire life story, from the rivers to the hermit to the kingdom of his father (he left out the parts about his father being a halfwitted pig fucker, for the sake of brevity).

It felt GOOD to talk so freely! And to such a great listener! After many hours, he took the gag from Lucky's mouth, and he unchained his new best friend. Upon asking of Lucky's background, Borshwin added a new word to his vocabulary; Adventurer!

Lucky stole away in the middle of the night, slipping his hand from the vice like grip of Borshwin's own hand, and yet when Borshwin awoke he did not fear for the safety of his friend, as, like a fish in the river, those who are let free find the most joy in swimming. With newborn confidence, the still half-naked Borshwin wandered and found himself outside a rustic town, wherein he'd find a posteron a tavern wall calling to action "All folk who sought the thrills of Adventure!" He tore the poster down, with tears of joy welling up in his eyes, knowing that his best friend Lucky MUST have left this just for him.

Later that same day, the man they called The Eater of Worlds entered a guild hall, poster in hand and proclaimed, "Lo! I am Sir Borshwin Geldar, Last King of the Otterfolk, and I am.... *AN ADVENTURER*!"

>>52003788

Your writing style is irritating. You use too many commas and have some poor syntax (like "clever, yet treacherous" - that's not a 'yet', it's an 'and'). I don't think 'whimsical' means what you think it means. In places there's a faux 'epic' tone at odds with the annoyingly peppy feel of the rest.

The story itself is so-so. Raised by otters, hates beavers, lost everything, left home, met some assholes, finally found a friend. I mean it's not terrible, but it didn't live up to your first post hype. If I received a long-ass tale as a submitted character backstory I'd ask you to do it again and this time summarize it in one paragraph.

Well, thanks for reading and taking the time to write out a response.

Still working on my writing style, so yes there will be issues. The faux epic tone juxtaposed with 'annoyingly' peppy style was on purpose; kind of with the narrator of Kung Pao in mind. If that's not your taste, nbd, but yah, it's supposed to read like that.

"Yet" doesn't have to be used to connect two totally diametrically opposing ideas or qualities; you can say "the man was handsome, yet boyish" and that's not necessarily showing an opposing quality, just showing a different but still related quality.

And yes, I know what the word whimsical means; it's not being used here to describe the kingdom as objectively whimsical, but whimsical in Borshwin's mind.

If this was a submitted character backstory to a GM, yes it'd be unnecessarily lengthy, but it's not a submitted character backstory to you as a GM, so that's whatever.

Thanks for reading and replying; I wasn't particularly looking for a personal critique, but I wasn't NOT looking for one either, so again thank you.

neato

The intro was enough to get me to stop reading. But, at least you put some personality into this.