Dice Blessing/Rituals

If you don't know the Thousand Rolls Ritual and the Verses of Polyhedrons by heart already, my only answer for you is to lurk more newfag.

>>51875455

This kind of shit belongs on >>>/x/

There's no spooky shit that will work, other than these holy rituals here: http://www.wikihow.com/Load-Dice

>>51875455
First, set your dice in a large, clear bowl on the couch. Make sure they have plenty of space to move around in.
Second, force them to marathon Jim Carey movies.
Third, shake them around in the bowl, sprinkling salt and holy water while chanting the 20 Prayers of Polyhedrous.

After about 12 hours, your dice will behave. Put them in the freezer over- night and they'll be better in the morning.

Try smashing some of the ones that roll poorly, but in such a way that the other dice can see the execution. This may scare the dice into line.

>>51875486
But anon, what if he doesn't have a goat handy? Surely there's a more efficient way.

Get a priest to bless them. Any religion will do. Alternatively, get a friend with good luck to play them for a while. Be careful, as the dice's bad luck may rub off onto your friend instead of his good luck rubbing off on the dice.

>>51875455

Rape your dice. Rape them anally and brutally until their minds break and they're begging for more cock. Tie them up in a public toilet somewhere and let any passing men have their way with them. After a week, hose off the congealed jizz and let your new obedient little dice sluts show how loyal they've become. 100% guaranteed to work, I saw it on TV.

>>51875455
You need to attune the dice to you. The best way to do so is to swallow them and let them pass through your body, recovering them when you poop.

>>51875762
Can confirm, I saw it in some Japanese comic book or something. Those never lie to you.

>>51875715
Luckily enough, there is. Upon further review of the Polyhedrous Scripture, I've found that bathing your dice in six ponts of human blood will suffice if a goat isn't handy.

>>51875802
So what, that's two unarmed attacks?

Your dice demand a sacrifice; they are thirsty for blood. They want to take something important from you.

Spend hours either painting a really cool model, or thinking up an intricate backstory and personality for a character.

Whichever, you choose, it will die, and the dice will have had their fill and return to normal.

>>51875455
First, you'll need about a pint of blood. Where you got it doesn't matter. Pour the blood into a NON-FERROUS bowl, preferably wood or bone if you have it. Place five candles surrounding the bowl, light them, and then spend seven minutes chanting passages from any holy book banned by a dominant religious establishment. The dice should draw the blood into themselves, and be blessed by Baphomet's foul touch.

Pray to the head of the Dice Gods, Lady Luck, for guidance. Only personal revelations from her may guide you to changing your luck.

Beware though, for she is a mistress most fickle, and many a time not even the counsel and action of her fellow deities may halt her whims.