Anyone have any good I CAST FIST stories?

>>51825357
That was a fun story.

>>51825357

>D&D 3.5
>Players going through a living dungeon because fuck magic experiments
>Get into a fight with the fleshy bricks and some worm creatures
>Unlucky bard rolls nat 1 and spear is jammed into a wall's mouth
>Roll to unfuck spear
>Nat 1
>Roll to not have the spear eaten
>Nat 1
>Roll to not have arm eaten
>
>
>Rolls a 2
>By this time I've neglected to mention that the whole party is getting absolutely fucked over too
>1 dead and being absorbed, the other two are in negatives
>Bard's turn again
>Player gets up to his computer
>Turns speakers up
>"wu tang clan ain't nuthing ta fuck wit" plays
>Bard cuts his arm off with knife
>Goes to punch worm that's eating friend
>Nat 20
>Proceeds to fuck up worm with fist
>Proceeds to fuck up other worms with his only fist
>Even punches the wall because fuck it
>Drags only surviving member out of the dungeon by himself
>Fucks up anything that fucks with him
>Killed a rat swarm by trapping it behind a door, taking out the hinges, and using the weight of him and unconscious friend to absolutely smoosh them all
>Like stomping on a packet of ketchup

>Made it out alive with other party member
>Has trouble playing lute tho

>>51828805
It's like Berserk: The Musical

>>51828805
Jesus dude, at least try to make the story believeable.

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>>51825357
Obligatory greentext story

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>>51829223

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This is as good a thread as any.
Some dudes and I are making a game, and I'm designing a Muscle Wizard as a boss.
He's a big, burly guy wearing nothing but a loincloth and a Greco-Roman Crest Helmet painted with purple background and silver stars/moons on it.
At the start of the fight, he blows through the background, and screams "DIMENSION DOOOOOR!!"

Attacks include:
Fireball
>Set fist on fire, try to punch you with it

Magic Missile
>Throws a rock at you that ricochets and homes slightly

Lightning Bolt
>It's just a fucking javelin

Lightning Storm
>Desperation attack, time slows down and he throws a fuckmillion javelins that have to be dodged

Chain Lightning
>Throws a javelin with a chain on the end.
>On hit: Pulls you to him
>On whiff: Jumps to javelin location

>Meteor Swarm
>Beats the tar out of the ceiling and drops rocks on you

Ultimate Attack— Power Word Kill
>YAAAATATATATATATATATATATATATATA
>YAAAAATATAATATATATATATATATATATATATATA
>YAAAAAAAAAAAATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA
>HIYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>You are already dead.


Gimme some cool ideas. I'll make sure they see the light if they're cool.

>>51829295
Glitterdust
>POCKET SAND

Daze
>Punches you in the head

Ghost Sound
>Profession (Ventriloquist)

Shield
>A literal shield

Mount
>Whistles to call forth his horse

Comprehend Languages
>Pulls out a translation book

Sleep
>Punches target in the jaw, shaking their brain and knocking them unconscious.

Disguise Self
>Self explanatory.

Jump
>Jumps really high

Shatter
>Perform (Opera Singer)

Flaming Sphere
>Rolls flaming bowling balls at you

Blindness
>Jabs target in the eyes

Knock
>Smashes open door

Spider Climb
>Really good Climb skill

Protection from Energy
>Tanks elemental damage with sheer willpower.

Hold Person
>Grapples you

>>51829122
Can't believe anything you see on the internet. Ever.

Forgot about that.

>>51829473
I tried to steer away from the blindingly obvious ones like Shield and Jump, but I really like Flaming Sphere and Hold Person.
Thank you for the suggestions!

>>51829223
>>51829241
This is the dumbest thing I've read in quite some time. It's awful in every single metric.

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>>51829596
But also great, right?

>>51829665
No just gay as a bag of dicks.

>>51829223
>>51829241
one of the fakest stories I've ever read, jesus christ

>>51829665
No, it's just terrible. It's a great example of "you really shouldn't just screencap anything that's longer than ten posts", because that is a particularly awful story not worth preserving.

>>51830270
>>51830186
>>51830167
>>51829596

You're new to /tg/ I see

>>51830512
You can't pull that move. It's a shit story, and I've been here since the first day of /tg/.

And, even if this was my first day on /tg/, it would still be a shit story.

>>51830533
You're new to /tg/ I see
And you have a crappy opinion

>>51825357
not exactly a full story but I do remember the time a friend's Monk character flew across most of the map and killed like 4 Kobolds in a single attack, while also being on fire

>>51830556
I suggest you return to Reddit and stop pretending your flavor of garbage is enjoyed here.

>>51830186
>>51830270
Get the fuck out. That is a beloved /tg/ classic you low-tier trolls are disrespecting.

I find you in contempt of court, you get no points.

>>51830167
Sad.

>>51830596
>le ebin return 2 redit meme

As >>51830607 said, and for as long as I've been on this board, that story has been a classic.

You're new to /tg/ I see
And you have a crappy opinion

>>51830607
No, it's not a beloved /tg/ classic. It's a particularly terrible story that a few idiots tried to pretend was worth something, and have been consistently laughed at for acting like something so poorly written and fake has any value whatsoever.

We're not stupid, and demanding that anyone should respect such a shitty greentext because you think you can just call it a classic is practically you admitting that's it's a piece of shit and you're hoping to appeal to some phantom authority.

It's shit.
If you enjoyed it, you like a particularly shitty greentext wish-fulfilment story of the saddest kind, and I can understand why you would be so stupid as to try and defend something that a twelve year old wrote.

>>51830674
It's a classic piece of shit, if that's what you mean.

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>>51830675
>>51830688
REEEEE YOU CANT FUCKING LIKE A GREENTEXT STORY THAT I DONT FUCKING LIKE!!!!!!!

I THINK ITS FUCKING FAKE AND I HATE IT AND YOURE A BIG DUMB DUMB FOR LIKING IT!!!! GO BACK TO LE REDDIT!!!!!!!

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>>51830607
You don't seem to understand what a classic is.
Classics are not just old stuff that people keep reposting. Classics are works that are great and timeless, and that story is really neither. It's quite aged at this point, and wasn't even all that good to begin with.

Classics are more along the lines of stories like these.

>>51830727
That's tg classic alright. Edgardo is just outright bad

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>>51830674
>for as long as I've been on this board, that story has been a classic
>shit story posted November 2011
>you have arrived at this board a point in time after
>long enough for you to condsider it at the very least 'a while' if we're being nice
>the perception of time is warped so as with age longer periods of time seem to pass quicker

Oh my, we may have uncovered the problem. I believe he may be NEW and or UNDERAGED.

That or you're the faggot who posted originally trying valiantly to defend his honour.

>>51830674
It's trash. It might've been halfway decent, if the author didn't admit it was all bullshit in the original thread, right after he finished writing it.

>>51830186
No funchan is on another board.

There was the time that the party was surrounded and we kept getting knocked into negatives. The cleric kept selectively channeling to heal the party, raising at least 1 character above negatives per round.

>>51830727
Yo, where can I find the rest of this?

>>51828805
>doing something
>players aren't winning
>player rolls really bad/really good (choose one)
>but then
>player rolls [opposite of previous]

Wow, how interesting, good read

>>51829295
I'm doing the same thing with a different approach- the Muscle Wizard has a decent physique for an old man, and has actual magic imbedded in him, but is skinny-ripped and imperfect. Later, he will enact dark myscle magicks to steal youth from others and achieve true hugeness, where the real fight begins.

>>51830533
>My opinion is objective fact because I say so
>WAAAAAH STOP LIKING WHAT I DON'T LIKE
>MOMMY!

>>51832835
He steals youths HUEG to achieve ultimate HUEGNESS?

This is kind of off topic, still, I feel the need to ask:

Is there a board on 4chan that isn't full of complete retards like
>>51830512
>>51830556
>>51830607
>>51830674
>>51830718
>>51833421
?

Like, started saying how he liked a terrible story. Ok, that's fine. Than insisted that the people who disliked the story were "wrong" because it "was a classic". It also said that it was a classic because it was old, by his own standards, and that people who disagreed must be "new", as if this was an argument to the story being goos/not terrible.
Than when told that the story wasn't even that old, and that if he thought so must be because he himself is new, he just started ignoring information. After that, he started repeting some non-argument in the form of a children throwing a tantrum, about how other people are complaining that other people like things that they don't like, when he was the fist to demand "respect" for the bad story.
I don't know if it's one person or more. I hope it's just one. But even then, it's retarded enough to be bothersome. If he really thinks like that, he is retarded. If he is doing this just to bother other people, he is still retarded in losing time in something like that.
I honestly don't go to some boards anymore because I just can't stand it anymore. I suppouse the same will happen to /tg/ for me. Is there a place in 4chan that isn't complete full of this stupidty?
Are there places similar to /tg/ on other sites like, I don't know, reddit, that isn't so corrosive?

>>51835718
>Is there a board on 4chan that isn't full of complete retards like
No, there isn't. You can have an intelligent every once and awhile on 4chan, but as a whole it's filled with retards and assholes that'll disagree with everything you say.

>>51835804
Seeing that I forgot to add conversation in my post, I'm also a retard.

>>51835718
You seem a little confused. Edgardo is actually one of those many things that someone posted on 4chan, didn't really catch on here, but was upvote spammed on Reddit. What you are looking at is someone who forgot what site he was on, and forgot that people make assessments based on quality here, instead of how many up arrows it got.

If you went to Reddit, you'd only find more of those types.

>>51835933
I will admit, Edgardo is a shitty greentext story. Also the Anon both you and I replied too, so know that 4chan isn't a place of hugs and compassion. If your a super asshole or a double nigger, we'll tell you, but arguments such as what is on this thread are natural. Also, what the fuck is the "le" bullshit? I know I'm out of touch with this bullshit lingo, but why has it become so prevalent in the last couple of months?

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>>51829295
>>51829473
This is the stupidest and cringiest idea for a muscle wizard ever. Why are you people so fuckign dumb? This isn't a muscle wizard, it's a retarded warrior pretending to be a wizard. A muscle wizard is an actual spell caster who uses his body and muscles to cast actual spells, like pic related.

When he casts Fist, it should involve him flexing in a specific manner which creates a spell effect that resembles a fist, like Bigbys Hand a spell which creates a giant hand that can do various actions.

>>51835718
Surprisingly, /tg/ is one of the smarter boards. And that says a lot about the current state of 4chan. Every year it gets a bit dumber, filled with more and more young, or not so young, morons who have no background in any of the games that are played, the myths and folklore integral to our worlds, the knowledge to understand the whys and hows of worldbuilding or gaming.

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>>51831437
>if the author didn't admit it was all bullshit in the original thread, right after he finished writing it.
Source that shit claim nigga, we have an archive for a reason.

>>51830186
Just like Henderson, man.

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>>51825357
>I CAST FIST
>Dreddposting
>Not posting this
20 years, isocubes.

>>51835718
If you can handle druggie drug talk, 420chan is a safehaven for oldschool channers. Just know that /tg/ on 420chan moves at a glacial pace.

>>51829223
>>51829241
What a great story. BANZAI!

>>51835718
sorry, buddy, but
my opinion>your opinion

>>51836934
"God, why is everyone so dumb and I so fucking smart. I'm so high up on my high horse, my testicles are in outer orbit."

>>51832686
You just described how most stories go.
Status quo
Status quo gets overturned
New status quo
Thanks for your insightful commentary

>>51829295
>filename

So... what is that picture actually showing?

>>51840884
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Treachery_of_Images

>>51841388
In other words pretentious bullshit

>>51841572
>pretentious bullshit

Says the idiot projecting like a fucking movie theater. There's absolutely nothing pretentious about it, unless you're an idiot that forces your own interpretation onto everything.

>>51835718
If people being/acting retarded bothers you that much I guess 4chan may not be the best site for you.

>>51826019
Which story?

>>51840379
Except generally good stories are driven by the actions of characters not pure chance. An interesting story should be based around decisions, not put chance.

>>51835718
I'm starting to suspect that it's someone who hates the Eduardo story so damn much that he's posting it while intentionally acting like the worst sort of fan, just to get other people to hate the story as much as he does.

I have trouble believing that anyone could unironically like a years-old story that hasn't aged well, AND be this incredibly annoying at the same time.

>>51845547
Honestly?

I like it and I'm not even the guy who posted it. Because I read it after coming out of a really shitty freeform RP and it just sits right with me since then because seriously.

Freeform RP is usually pretty garbage.

>>51829223
>>51829241
I enjoyed this story.
Really really good.

>>51829223
>>51829241
Obligatory response

I find that whatever your opinion of Edgardo is, your response to this will be similar.

>>51846244
Tried to post Tale of Allendo.
Won't upload for some reason.
Meh

>>51828805
>Nat 20
>unarmed attack
>not a monk
>x2 crit
>2 damage + strength bonus
Yep. That bard certainly fucked their shit up with a whole 2 damage.

Here is my tale of casting fist
>nearly a decade ago
>I_feel_so_old.jpg
>Joined first DnD group that wasn't my sister and her boyfriend
>open FLGS group
>Complete strangers to me
>there are like 10 people in the group
>3.5 DnD. Pathfinder not even a thing yet
>"So what does the party not have?"
>"A Monk"
>Roll up a monk
>Spooky house
>"You see a locked door with magic runes. it is locked, and won't budge."
>"Don't worry, I got this" said the 3.5 monk
>"I punch the door and break it open"
>*Roll*
>Pretty good roll
>"Your arm shatters against the magically invincible door"
>"...Oh yeah. Magic runes"
>Monk went on to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the campaign.
>Lesson learned- Monks are not at-will Knock spells

>>51836028
"Le" is a relatively old meme used in rage comics where you'd just put "le" instead of "the." 4chan got sick of sites like reddit driving it into the ground, and sometimes uses it ironically to shitpost. If you see someone using "le" they're shitposting.

>>51839444
>>51845903
>>51846244
You can stop already.

And, the Tale of Allendo is even worse, because it all the same dumb shit, but even more embarrassing for the author because he put more effort into it.