Moments the DM Gave You the Middle Finger

My wizard chick once failed on a burning touch roll, he determined her hands caught alight and burned her. Trying to put them out on her robe ignited the robe, and by the end of her turn, she was reduced to wearing nothing but her boots.

>>51797274
TENSER'S FLOATING DISC MOTHERFUCKER

YOU LAUGHED AT ME FOR PREPARING IT

WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!?

>wizard crowning achievement

>>51797274

>not having a bag of holding
You specifically requested this to happen to you.

>>51797344
I don't think all of that would fit on the disk, even if you were level 20.

It's only 3 feet wide.

>>51797274
Why move it? The dungeon's cleared - the place is yours now. Keep the money in the vault, where it's been obviously safe for presumably hundreds or thousands of years, and use some of it to renovate the dungeon and build a proper stronghold on top of it.

>>51797350
Holds, at most, 1500 pounds.

In gold that fills up fast.

>>51797317
Sounds like somebody fell in the GM's Magical Realm...

>>51797375
This

>>51797382

Still 25 times more efficient than carry it by hand.
You got a better idea?

>>51797399
I was the only female character, so possibly. Fighting evil with her tits and bush out because a fairly common occurrence

>>51797274
Sounds like you're just being a fag. There plenty of things you could've done in that situation.

>>51797274
Five ranks in Profession: Siege Engineer and 7 ranks in Carpentry. I WILL BUILD A FUCKING CATAPULT AND LAUNCH OUR LOOT HOME, BITCH!

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>>51797274
I conjure 37d6 HD1/4 creatures.

>>51797367
>i don't think magic can defy physics
whew lad
h
e
w

l
a
d

>>51797612
Unless you have another spell that keeps it all from spilling over the sides, it aint gonna hold all of it. Hell, if there are literally HILLS of gold and diamonds, you're gonna need more than a disk that can hold 2,000 lb's. You're gonna need closer to like, 50 floating disks.

>>51797274

Thats a fucking easy one, you keep one party member at the vault while the rest takes back what they can, buy a caravan and pay a few guards to help you haul what you can back to the town.

Making sure of course to offer generous hand outs to the villages

>>51797751
>offer generous handouts to the villages nearby
>local lord takes notice of all the villagers flaunting their wealth
>wonders where they get it
>hears about a few out-siders who have been roaming around and going in and out of the towns
>hires someone to find out what happens
>finds out about your stockpile
>comes in with a small army to claim it in the name of the Kingdom

>>51797482
I play a sniper who dresses like a hooker because nobody looks twice and messes with the gal who just wants to support her kid.

A few runs have ended up with her with her bush out constantly because business came up while she was turning a trick.

>>51797825
>her bush out constantly

Mmmm.....What color hair she got?

>>51797825
Kind of a cool idea. A hooker can go pretty much anywhere in a city without much attention (apart from the cops i guess)

My poor wizard girl, who started out the naive scholarly spectacled type, has been stripped in battle like two or three times, was once attacked while she was bathing and spent the rest of the entire night's story naked, soapy tits and all, and once had to use her bush as a spell component (Hag specifically requested freshly harvested red human pubic hair, go figure)

>>51797799
At least its all in game this is happening. Right. Right?

Gonna be a lot of pissed off peasants though once the generous heros are assaulted by the nobility.

>>51797274
Had a min-campaign based on this concept, robbing a massive dwarf bank Oceans 11 style.

The first half of it was just taking the effort to get enough Portable Holes to handle that much gold. Then it was just the time shoveling it into the holes.

>>51797274
By setting up shop right here and building a new kingdom on these ruins.

>>51797825
any good stories about your girl?

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>>51797274
...Does raise dead and golem-crafting skills create this?
If so, get it to swallow the gold and keep it inside of its empty stomach cavity.
Sew up the end first, like a purse.

>>51797274
>>51798269
D&Dragon age anon here.
>Fail spell casting of any kind, you get possessed.
>Become too sinful, said sin possesses.
>Act emotionally empty.
>Party tranquilises wizard because of fear of magic anyway.

>>51797710
What's stopping you from making 50?

It's not like we're in a hurry, and the spell doesn't disallow making multiple ones at the same time.

>>51797274

No, the real "fuck you" is:
>All the treasure causes hyperinflation to the point you need to trade 100 diamonds for a loaf of bread

>>51797880
I'm pretty sure you've entered the piss forest.

>>51797880
Fuck off with this fetish shit nobody cares, this isn't your personal ERP chat room

>>51797799
That's a real quick way to make an enemy for the PC's. Good or evil mean nothing when you mess with the PC's shit.

>>51800739
of course you let nobody know just how much money you have, dummy

>>51797382
Aren't 1500 pounds of gold enough to make you rich? And you can always return for more.

>>51800739
That isn't how hyper inflation works, it's much less pervasive in currency that has a backing. Also diamonds in particular have a card coded value in dnd.

A better argument to make is this haul would potential lead to a momentary lapse in the meaning of death in the local region. As now every dirt farmer can afford the material cost necessary to bring back the dead. Loved ones generations over brought back in the res rush. Soon there are too many people for the local economy to support, available currency or not. Bla bla bla you get the point.

>>51797799
>Two months later the entire kingdom has been destroyed

>>51800687
>What's stopping you from making 50?
Spell slots.
>the spell doesn't disallow making multiple ones at the same time.
Yes it does, for a single casting. You'd need to cast it multiple times to get multiple disks.

>>51797382
So you pack it with the diamonds instead.

>>51797799
>Trying to take loot from adventurers.

>>51797274
>>*DM clears throat* "How..."
Okay, so. We've cleared the dungeon, right? Right. So, we lock the door again, then we send someone back to town to get some hirelings, a bunch of wagons, and a load of wheelbarrows. Then we start having the hirelings haul all this crap out, using some of it to pay them.
Once we're sure we're going to get it all out, we start negotiations with local nobility. We have all this money, so we're going to fucking spend it. We want to buy a castle, and set up in it.

Or, even better, this crap is ours now. We don't need to fucking secure it anywhere else, do we? This dungeon is ours now. It's fucking OURS. We set up the traps again, only keyed so they don't set off on us. We take what we can for supplies and new weapons and armour, and a bag of holding so we can carry more at once. Then we set ourselves up as a kingdom, tearing the surrounding forest down to start farms so we can have our own peasantry, and a couple of minor nobles to manage everything. Soon enough, we won't need to spend the initial hoard to keep it running.

>>51797274
How on Earth is that giving you a middle finger? Just take as much as you can carry and come back for more if you need more. You'll still be filthy rich.

>>51801030
>AD&D Fighter reaches level 9

>>51801046
Exactly. We have won. We now need to manage our changed priorities.

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Reminds me of the ending of the Dead Money DLC from New Vegas.

>>51800901

It happened to Spain with all the gold and silver from the Americas.

Yeah, it could be worse.
What looks like gold and gems could really be rust monster eggs.

It's been done.

>>51801077
So what you're saying is get nude, grab literally everything. Clench your butt so you can hold the last bar, and waddle to freedom?

>>51801082
And a treasure haul is going to compete with a continent now?

>>51801102
We are talking about the wealth of an entire kingdom, here.

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>>51801102
Not that anon, but it could indeed compete. Probably. Or maybe it couldn't.

The problem is that all the gold mined in the real world could fit into a twenty metre cube. Hoards larger than that are common in fantasy- pic related would absolutely tank the price of gold if it existed IRL. If the gold in OP's setting is similar to IRL, and "hills upon hills of gold, silver, and diamond" isn't a hyperbole, then gold would indeed become worth vastly less. Alternately maybe this is merely the latest in a seres of massive hoards, so it just makes them rich and has little effect on the value of gold.

>>51801139
A vague and useless term. Look at how several of the major wars in Europe were funded during the middle ages. Many of them left kingdoms in debt several times over their yearly revenue. Funded through loans, promises of a cut of the land/stuff taken in victory (looters shares were a great way to not actually pay your soldiers from your own pocket), and calling in those feudal privileges on the nobility to cough up money.

And that's assuming you think the entirety of a kingdom's coffers are in this room, from every single noble house in that kingdom. All at once.

>>51801166
>then gold would indeed become worth vastly less.
It would already be worth vastly less at that point anyway, not like throwing another pile into things is going to dilute it much further.

>>51797865
Black hair.
>>51797880
True enough, the only place things get rough is in the downtown areas where cops arrest people for not having real SINs.
>>51797994
At one point after pulling a party package, she got an emergency call involving one of the other players and the yakuza. Since she was actually in yak territory, she grabbed her sword and commlink, and rolled her lifestyle; turns out some assclown stole all her clothes but left her money.

Cue fighting six yakuza entirely naked, dribbling all the while.

>How
Have a wizard construct a demiplane with enough room to hold all your wealth. This can be subcontracted if party wizard is not up to it.
Next buy a scroll of Gate and a lot of scrolls of Tenser's Floating Disk. Create the disks, load them up with loot. Cast the Gate to connect the vault with your demiplane. Have all the disks follow you through the gate. The disks have a duration of one hour, which likely isn't enough to shovel all the gold onto them. So you may need to repeat this process multiple times.
You can optionally create a minor artefact gold pouch connected to the hoard in your demiplane. Though remember to be able to sever its connection with your demiplane if it ends up stolen somehow.
You now have all your money in a reasonably secure location, with an easy way to access it remotely. It's time to start part two of my^Wour^Wyour plan: investing this wealth so it can generate even more wealth.

>>51801313
>Have a wizard construct a demiplane with enough room to hold all your wealth. This can be subcontracted if party wizard is not up to it.
>Trusting a wizard that can cast demiplane
>Trusting a wizard
Yeah... No.

Reminds me of a situation in Beyond Divinity. A daemon offers you a reward of "more gold than you can carry" for performing a task.

The reward is a cabin sized chunk of gold wedged halfway into the ground.

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>>51797274
>how do I carried treasure?!?111
>muh horses can't fit in a dungeon!!

Behold! The humble mule-drawn cart is your chariot to ultimate wealth! Up to 1900 pounds of treasure hauled for the low, low price of 23 gold pieces (plus 1.5 gold monthly feed costs).

Even should the beast perish, your fighter can pull it in its place. A paladin's steed can do the same thing. Also remember to pack spare wheels and tools to fix your wagon in case part of it breaks.

>>51801426
Does it come with a StairMaster?

>>51797274
haha loser, my party has a bag of holding, a portable hole, and a demiplane inside of a cart
we'd have that gold and laugh all the way to the bank

>>51801313
>Hiring a wizard to put away your mountains of gold for you
And that's how you lost your entire fortune to a wizard.

>>51797274
I send a letter to the most powerful dragon I know whose general sense of morality aligns with my own, and bequeath half the treasure hoard to it.
I now have someone to guard my half of the treasure, and a powerful ally to call upon when I need it.

>>51801443
>stairs
Affix a big long plank under the cart so it kind of slides up the stairs like a sled, or put an actual sled under it. Mule might not like that, but it's a solution.

To make things easier, we could do that, but also move the mule all the way up the stairs first and attach it to the cart/sleigh with long ropes. That would let it pull the cart without being on the stairs itself.

>tfw solving problems like a tool-using human

>>51801613
Why not just put rails in, and make it a minecart?
You can use mules or horses or hirelings or whatever to haul the carts with a pulley system,.
Or even sink a shaft down to the hoard and pull it out straight. That allows you to use a shaft too steep for a mule, so you save on digging.
Use a windlass, and add a ratchet so loaded carts can't slide backwards and drag the mule team backwards down the shaft.

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>>51801657
I'll have to keep this stuff in mind for when my PCs can afford that kind of infrastructure to empty dungeons. Which will probably be the moment the GM tries to get cute with a massive hoard that he thinks we can't move.

>add a ratchet so loaded carts can't slide backwards
This is amazing. Definitely going to add this to my carts.

>>51800893
In AD&D1e 1lb of gold = 10 pieces

So you aren't that rich

>It's an OP isn't as clever as he thinks he is thread

>>51797274
Animate objects
now the treasure is also your bodyguard/army

>>51797987
>>51801030
These guys got the right idea. You make the dungeon the vault for your newfound kingdom, slowly building around it until you have constructed the skeleton of a castle or fortress and continue building from there. First you build the walls, hire a few guards and mercenaries from the local nearby towns. After that, you find someone you can trust and like to become a mayor and start building a new settlement nearby your town so you can trade with later on.

>>51800935
>Spell slots.
Wand w/ 50 charges
>Yes it does, for a single casting. You'd need to cast it multiple times to get multiple disks.
See above

>>51801807
Of course you can afford it; the dungeon is full of gold!

>>51802057
You need settlements right away, to feed the workers. Importing food can't work long-term, you have to have your own fields to grow wheat for flour and beer.

Just start a fucking empire with your un-movable loot. You don't even need to move it all at once; just enough at once to make payroll. Then once you've gotten economic inertia, payroll will make itself with the taxes you're skimming off the trading, and DungeonTown will be self-sustaining without needing to be funded.
And then you can start growing the hoard again.

>>51802167
>>51800935
Just in case you're wondering where you got the wand from, the party wizard can craft one using the gold of an entire nation.
If he doesn't have craft wand, all wizards have scribe scrolls by default and so he just writes two books worth of scrolls and uses it to bring the money with him back to a town or whatever.

At this point I just build a city state around the vault and the dungeon using the wealth.

>>51801166
exactly where did you get the notion that all the Gold ever mined could fit in a 60' * 60' * 60' cube? Fort Knox and the Federal Reserve in NYC hold more gold than that my friend..

>>51802543
Not in a cube like that, though. Gold is HEAVY. You have to stack gold bars in certain ways, or they crush the pallet they're sat on, and then the floor.

>>51801824
Wow good thing no one plays that incredibly outdated system except you anon!

>>51802543
http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-21969100

It's debatable but note that most gold bars and coins are not 100% gold anyways, so there is a lot of leeway when it comes to "hoard of coins the size of a mountain".

>>51800775
this guy's level of "he's right you know" are off the charts

>>51802584
You said 20 meter cube that's exactly 20 meters dipshit, all the Gold currently mined some estimate anywhere from a minimum of 15000 to 2.5 million tons neither of which could not fit in that space no matter how you stacked it.
>>51802613
I was literally looking at that article, it doesn't say anything about a 20 meter cube

>>51802640
>You said 20 meter cube that's exactly 20 meters dipshit, all the Gold currently mined some estimate anywhere from a minimum of 15000 to 2.5 million tons neither of which could not fit in that space no matter how you stacked it.
Triggered much?

Guys, the DM wasn't asking "how" as in "how is it possible that you carry the treasure?", he was asking "how" as in "precisely what part of the treasure do you touch first and in what way?"
This is like when a DM asks "how do you open the door?", because there's a wrong way to do it.

A 20 meter cube is 8000 cubic meters.

Density of gold is 19320 kg per cubic meter.

That gives us 154560 tons of gold. That's close to the lowest estimate.

The highest estimates of gold mined through history is about 180000 tons, so it would be a roughly 23-25 meter cube of solid gold.

>>51801096
No, you fucking savage.

You behead Elijah and carry the bars in his corpse.

>>51802655
Nah, just pointing out that he said an inaccurate thing to make himself seem smarter.
>>51802737
So he was mistaken either way, because most of that 180000 tons of gold is still in use.

>>51800739
You just need to go kill the Economancer to fix the inflation.

>>51802817
25 meter cube of solid gold is still less than you'd expect, and definitely less than "hills of gold" which kinda was the original point.

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>>51797482

>His character doesn't shave down there

>>51802985
That is true, but there is an estimate in there for 2.56 million tons which would be more like it, and what does it matter in a fantasy realm anyway?

>>51800828
>Good or evil mean nothing when you mess with the PC's shit.
Yes, let's get AnCap as fuck with this. that's a sure road to fun!

>>51803014
Bush is awesome. What are you gay? or do you just like your women to look like little girls? If so you're a fucking freak.

>>51797825
>>51797865
>>51797880
>>51797994
no

>>51803036
>bush
>good
Next you'll be extolling the virtues of hairy armpits.

>>51800893
Using D&D Third Edition's rate of 50 coins weighing a pound (because I can't remember offhand what more recent editions did), 1,500 pounds of gold coins is 75,000gp.

>>51803063
Well, I wouldn't say it's very appealing but, I have hairy armpits why would I bother my girl about it?

>>51797799
Reactivate all the traps, then send the party face out to greet the lord. Explain what this place is, and whos it was, then claim that a prophecy from THE god(s) said only the true heir could reclaim the power of the family line.

Then try to forment a civilwar by claiming ancestry and depose the king/lord as a userper and murderer of your family line, and thus an enemyvof the state since he deposed thhe true rulers.

If he denies that story its perfect because you claim that "of course he would say that, he knows hes a crook

If he abdicates then its the worst because now you have a very powerfull and politically astute noble with which to begin building a royal court

Either way the noble ends up dead so that for... reasons

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>>51797274
>GM presents me with a ghost gun during the first session
>As in, a gun haunted by a ghost
>It automatically reloads, has homing bullets
>"Okay, but what's the catch? This is kind of suspicious"
>The moment you touch this gun, you can't use any other ranged weapon ever
>"Yeah, no thanks, I'd rather not be dependent on a single weapon, especially one that's haunted"
>The gun flies into my character's hands

>>51803289
"I can still use my hands to strangle you, GM. Are. You. Sure. You. Want. To. Do. This."

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>>51797274

Oh boy do I have a story for this

>Be playing Jacob's Tower in Pathfinder
>Run by former player who's totally new to GMing
>Has the mentality of "It's fun if it's unfair and players die"
>Doesn't bother to learn rules properly
>We do fairly well because we do know the rules well and how to make good characters
>GM gets rattled because there has never been a TPK and maybe 3 people have died in 11 levels
>Gets mad at me (the cleric) for doing my job well and healing/removing status effects all the time
>Railroads us through whole module, kills all the gods (for some reason), acts like its out fault
>Nerfs Cleric spells (reduction in damage dice, DCs and spells per day and all enemies have spell resistance to divine spells)
>Be at level 11
>All DCs in level are 35+
>Monsters crit every round
>Most have DR or some horrible curse attached to them
>I am a cleric so I can keep buffing and healing, we survive till the boss
>Boss uses magical darkness aura
>Counter using intensified daylight spell at CL 6th, doesn't work
>Use true sight on Rogue, Barbarian and myself, stay outside to try to not get killed and throw buffs/healing
>Boss ignores the rogue and barbarian fighting her, stretches her neck 40ft out the door and casts feeblemind on me
>Roll 36 on will save
>GM says I failed, Int and Cha are now 1, can't cast
>Rogue is almost dead
>Half the party can't enter the room
>Almost everyone has a curse that will permanently silence them after 4 rounds of Cha damage
>I am now a potato
>Realize I can still use domain powers to buff my damage and make my weapon holy
>Run in to defend my friends
>Swing bastard sword with the retard strength of 1000 suns a couple times
>We kill the boss pretty quickly
>GM salty as fuck, instead of giving us downtime or any time to rest, forces us into next level
>Thinks he will get a TPK because potato cleric cannot heal
>Forgets he gave us a divine salve that essentially serves as a Heal spell to heal me
>He was salty as fuck

>>51803410
>Pathfinder
Not. Even. Once!

>>51803564

It's by far the worst system to start a new GM on to boot. Especially one that doesn't want to read the goddamn rules

>>51804067
Shadowrun

>>51804160

That's fair, but at least with Shadowrun you can't play at all if you don't read the rules rather than you break it if you don't read the rules

>>51804160
The most difficult part of running Shadowrun is matrix bullshit. Everything else can basically be boiled down into 3-6 steps that come down to "roll [stat+skill+modifier]d6, higher number of successes win."

>The one time I actually bothered to seek a relationship for that character
>Turns out it was his mom

DM said that's what I get for playing an orphan and not specifying what happened to the parents. To be fair I did actually say they could be alive, but without the intent of ever actually meeting them, I feel it was a fuck you from the DM when everyone else made an attempt at a backstory by his asking.

>>51803102
>I have hairy armpits why would I bother my girl about it?
This.
I'd never ask a girl to shave what I wouldn't.

>>51803063
>Next you'll be extolling the virtues of hairy armpits
Hey, French Canadian girls can fuck you silly, boy.

>>51797274
Build a fort over the vault.
Build a town around the fort.
Live there.

>>51802240
It's like you're *trying* to get robbed by bandits or something.

>>51804345
>French Canadian girls
Basically bestiality.

>>51804196
Pathfinders already broken if you do read the rules, can't imagine how broken it gets if you do.

>>51804394
*don't

>>51801166
>real world could fit into a twenty metre cube

Ummm, you're wrong?

"The United States Bullion Depository holds 4,578 metric tons (5,046.3 short tons) of gold bullion (147.2 million oz. troy). This is roughly 3 percent of all the gold ever refined throughout human history."

>>51804415
That fits pretty neatly into the math already posted dipshit.

>>51804310
GMs who bitch about sparse character backgrounds yet pull shit like this need to get hosed in the worse possible way. They're like people who complain about being fat while downing their third burger.

>>51804415
>4,578 metric tons
The density of gold is 19.3tons/cubic meter. So 4578 tons translates into 237.2 cubic meters. Divided by 0.03, you get 7906.7 cubic meters, or just short of a a cube 20 meters across.

>>51804475
>>51804449
>or just short of a a cube 20 meters across

>This is roughly 3 percent of all the gold ever refined throughout human history

Lern 2 read, "dipshit"

>>51804539
Not that anon, but...
>>51804475
>Divided by 0.03
I thought that was this?

>>51804415
>>51802543

http://www.gold.org/gold-mining/what-gold-mining-companies-produce/how-much-gold-has-been-mined

So far three sites agree on the figure, although I'll admit that I haven't bothered to check their sources and apparently the amount has been increasing by a five metre cube per year since 2011. Is the fort knox gold pure elemental gold?

>>51804539
What >>51804550 said

>>51804550
Yes, it was. The above user is either a troll or a chimpanzee. I absolutely refuse to believe there exists a human being so profoundly, quintessentially retarded as he.

Why, his brain cells would be equal to those of an abortion, had he been sincere.

>>51804390
Fucking dogs is legal in Canada

CAPTCHA: gibbs

>>51804573
As far as I know it's 24karat 35 pound gold buillion bar, as it backs our currency it would most likely be of the purest quality.

>>51804589
>says the bird-brained retard who's merely parroting what Warren Buffet said

Grow up kid. Warren Buffett has no idea what he's talking about in terms of historical estimates.

http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-21969100

There's numerous disagreements. So shovel that shit-faced blather of yours back down that turd-hole you call a mouth please. Thanks? Thanks.

>>51801046
Level 10 in 2E.
>>51801824
15000gp isn't anything to sneeze at.

>>51804667
>as it backs our currency
WRONG
Fiat currency.

>>51801085
Or a nest of mimics.

>>51804667
>as it backs our currency

We're living in 2017, not 1930.

>>51804670
Actually, I never said whether or not the 20 cubic metres estimate was accurate or not, I only commented on your hilarious fit over the 3% thing when he'd already accounted for it. Truly the behaviour of someone with a few too many chromosomes.

Then again, I do accept the fault is mine. I obviously expected too much from someone whose mother and sister are the same person, and I shall endeavour to better this flaw.

>>51797880
You do realize you're playing in an ERP for everyone but you, right?

How many times have you noticed everyone else only has one hand above the table?

>>51804345
>French Canadian
That's the worst kind of Canadian. I ain't even soory.

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>>51797274
>DM wants to test his homebrew
>setting is one of those "bad guys won" style settings
>he's been doing a couple sessions, but he would like me to join for a bit
>agree
>roll a character that's been a traveling entertainer on the road with his boss for a few years
>meet the party, things go smoothly
>interned in camp
>my boss boss leads me and party to a hidden exit to help us escape
>inquisitor shows up as we're going through the exit
>boss suddenly turns on me and brings out a gun
>straight up gun in a medieval setting
>downs me in one shot
>kills me in the next turn
>inquisitor hands him 40 pieces of silver
Fuck you Kevin
still mad about it years later

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>>51802921

>>51804932
Heh

>>51804390
>>51804649
>Fucking dogs is legal in Canada
Pretty sure dogs fucking bitches is legal most everywhere.

>>51804310
It's like he wants you to specify that they're dead next time

>>51804680
>>51804720
Is there any appreciable difference? besides for what reason would The US government keep the gold if it didn't back the currency in some way? Maybe, to control the gold trade? or maybe to control the price of gold?

Looking at fiat currency, it really doesn't seem any better than any other form of currency, and the fact that it's backed only the US's word, which we all know is shit with a lot of countries including within the country itself, seems kind of bullshit to me, it's worth nothing, it's a fucking smokescreen and it's half the country's problem these days.

>>51797274
What if you just filled your pockets and backpack and left? Enough gold to last the rest of your life isn't enough? How greedy can you get?

>>51806357
Gold-backed currency can't be devalued, which is what lead to the great depression.

And no, the currency is not the US' problem. The problem is that the country is fucking retarded, everyone is stupid, you vote morons into office and deny having done so, and then fuck up other countries in the name of freedom and then leave.

>>51797880
>(Hag specifically requested freshly harvested red human pubic hair, go figure)

>>51804839
>was accurate or not
Hey Sherlock, my argument was that his math was WRONG.

>>51806916
I didn't vote for Trump asshole, and We only go where we're asked except Iraq that was illegal, but who cares? War shouldn't have rules, so that we are reminded why we don't want to go to war.

And if you're talking about the CIA, nobody gives a fuck or knows what they do, Why? I don't know, honestly, it's fucking retarded but I'm not to blame for the policies of the presidents my Parents and Grandparents voted in and sometimes won, sometimes lost, being a primarily Democratic family, isn't easy in this country, with all the right wing religious nuts we have to deal with.

Also do you really know hwat caused the great depression? because as I recall it wasn't the kind of currency we had that was the problem, it was the stock market crashing, going to fiat was the quickest way to fix it, which FDR did, I think.

>>51806916
You sound like an arrogant idiot.

>>51804386
>Build a fort over the vault.
>Build a town around the fort.
>Live there.
This is my favorite solution.
Basically like founding a town on a gold mine, but it's all pre-mined and minted for you.

>>51807072
> Libya
> Iraq
> Afghanistan
> Vietnam
> Korea
> Somalia
> Former Yugoslavia
And there's more. A long list of clusterfucks.

> Bush
> Bush
> Obama the 'socialist'
> Clinton
> Nixon
> Kennedy, who was shot by his own electorate
Morons, plural.

The depression was worsened by not being able to devalue. Read your own history.

> IM NOT TUH BLAYME
But you're sure as fuck not fixing it.

>>51807100
Says the attention whore.

>>51807134
>waaah, he's using a trip

Classic, you're a crybaby too.

>>51806916
>Gold-backed currency can't be devalued
laughing spaniard.jpg

>>51807134
WE WENT ALL THOSE PLACES BECAUSE THE UN ASKED OR BRITAIN AND THE EU WHINED BECAUSE BIG BROTHER USA DIDN'T USE HIS POWER TO FIX THINGS AND WHEN THEY DO AND FUCK IT UP WHO GETS BLAMED?

Not the ones who asked, no!
US, We Americans get all of the blame! So fuck off you arrogant cockfuck, and suck on my american cock some more. We laugh at you all of you because half the goddamn world depends on us, and would or would have collapsed without us helping you! I have no patience for your bullshit, and blame, when if I looked at history, how much shit did your country do right?

>>51807134
>Iraq
>Afghanistan

Puppet states infiltrated and set up by the CIA in order to combat Communism and Russian influence. Much like what the Soviets were doing all across Asia.

>Libya

UN conflict.

>Vietnam

Both communism and the US's fervent support of Diem were bad for the Vietnamese people. Was a lose/lose.

>Korea

UN conflict.

>Somalia

AGAIN, UN conflict.

>Former Yugoslavia

AGAIN, the UN.

I suggest learning about history before complaining about it like a petulant little child.

>>51807134
>> Libya
Better than Gaddafi
>> Iraq
Better than Saddam
>> Afghanistan
Better than the Taliban
>> Vietnam
Firmly in bed with us
>> Korea
See Vietnam
>> Somalia
Lol who cares
>> Former Yugoslavia
Literally stopped a genocide.

I'm failing to see where the US fucked up, anon? Please go back to /pol/

>>51804415
>>51804449
>>51804573
>>51804589
>>51804670
>>51804839

OP here.

Quit the name-calling and fighting. It's really dumb and kid-tier.

Obviously comparing real world gold deposits to fantasy is pointless and worthless, and secondly, US gold deposits aren't "pure" gold, or .999 fine gold, so your math is wrong, as well as the fact that not all gold reserves in the world will have identical quality.

>>51806916
>>51807100
>>51807134
>>51807257
>>51807296

This is getting rather off-topic.

It looks as if the guy who started both of these arguments is the same person, or could be, and is a toxic narcissist. Quit insulting people, especially since none of it has been warranted.

>>51807525
This is 4chan, namecalling is always warranted, you faggot.

Also you have no real authority here dude, just because you created the thread doesn't mean you own it anymore than I do, and there's no proof you created it.

That said I don't really care to continue the "argument" anyway I raged out enough already.

>>51804589
>>51804839

>few too many chromosomes
>whose mother and sister are the same person
>brain cells would be equal to that of an abortion

>cringe-worthy fake-intellectual banter; the thread

>>51807134
>icing on the cake

This cant be the same person. I refuse to believe someone is this pretentious.

>>51807651
>Also you have no real authority here dude

That's plainly obvious. Doesn't mean I can't post in it.

>the "argument" anyway I raged out enough already

Its only an argument because you made it into one, other-wise it would've been a discussion.

But people had to start getting autistic about gold deposits, where you were all objectively wrong to begin with, and your blatant name-calling is what caused that huge argument to unfold, even though you were just as uninformed about the political debate which I assume you also started, as the other guy was about gold deposits.

I may not have any legitimate "authority" here, but neither do you.

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>>51797382
True

>>51807776
Never said you couldn't and never said I did, and as far as I'm aware nothing I've said in this thread is false or factually incorrect, don't fucking tell me what I have or haven't posted. As for the political debate it was less of a debate and more some asshole not from America bitching because we interfere so much, when 9 times out of 10, we're asked to go and not because we want to but because the UN asked us to, I said my piece and it wasn't wrong.

>>51807999
>and as far as I'm aware nothing I've said in this thread is false or factually incorrect

Actually you have, sorry you're too arrogant to believe you've been wrong, but it's okay, we all make mistakes.

>>51803289

Dude, I think you were practically handed Hol Horse's "Emperor" Stand, minus the "not being seen by normal people" part.

>>51808147
Who do you think I am?

>>51807999
>I've never been wrong about anything
>except for all the other posts blatantly calling me out to which I replied with a self-described literal rage

Top jej m8, holy fuck.

>>51808215
The only one who said I was wrong was a troll, So I guess you and "OP" are the same person, Top kek faggot, go back to /pol/

>>51797274
>Have Railgun
>It does as advertised, firing clean through anything it can at least damage after resistances,etc, although it tends not to kill them since most of the energy just continues on
>Partymember decides he wants to make the killing blow to impress an NPC
>Doesn't actually tell anyone about this so I fire in support as usual
>Partymember uses some special bodyguard counter-ability to redirect shot to next nearest target other than what he's protecting and himself
>Which is GM's girlfriend, who takes moderate damage - nothing critical though
>GM's girlfriend freaks.
>Within 5 minutes the GM and half the party as well have 'understood' this to be my fault and my fault only, since I deliberately lined up GM's girlfriend and the "sacred duel" of other partymember for a shot?!?!?

>A week goes by...

>Thought things had cooled off
>Next fight we get into
>No, that didn't work
>Can't
>Couldn't penetrate
>WTF? Against cheap wood boards?
>I'm tired of you using your bullshit homebrew weapon to fucking attack the fucking party. In fact, I'm removing you from the game. Fucking asshole

I'd never fucking hit ANY partymember for ANY reason before this; a courtesy that the grenadier and fireball-lobber had never bothered with for the rest of us.

AND THAT WEAPON IS IN THE FUCKING EQUIPMENT LIST. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ROLLED ITS AVAILABILITY IN-SHOP.

>>51808251
>instantly assumes I'm from /pol/

How about you neck yourself you literal retard and go back to the tumblrite hills of whales and trans-queer faggots where you belong?

>>51808189

>>51804449
>>51807134

These two posts, primarily the reason for the two separate arguments that spawned, along with a few sub-sequent posts that angrily respond to the other comments.

>>51808333
Those post are not me, so thanks for the insult to my intelligence, I was the one who pointed out that all the mined Gold in the world wouldn't fit in a 20 meter cube, I just hadn't done the math yet to figure it out exactly, and I was later defending my country's name sullied as Trump is making it, with historical facts, peppered with rage.

>>51808278
As annoying as that situation is, it sounds like getting out of that group was the best possible result for you there. That kind of spite towards a player for a completely imagined slight is one hell of a warning sign.

>>51804345
>I'd never ask a girl to shave what I wouldn't.
Look at this fag who pretends he wouldn't mind a legbeard on his woman
Men and women aren't the same, stop pretending.

>>51808278
>I'd never fucking hit ANY partymember for ANY reason before this

Please tell me you're referring to punching that gobbing fuck-face in real life, and not referencing the RP character.

>>51808317
>>51808403
>>51808251
>>51807651
>>51807487
>>51807296
Not sure how many of these are the same person; I suspect it's all one who sometimes uses his trip and sometimes not. Anyway it's some number of dipshits who should go.

>>51804962
>straight up gun in a medieval setting
Guns were a thing in much of the Middle Ages anon.

>>51803063
>>51803036
Hair is disgusting and quickly absorbs sweat, skin oils, and other miscellaneous detritus. It looks gross at best, and genuinely is actually gross at worst.

It may be natural in the sense that that's what your body ends up looking like if you don't take care of it.
You could make the exact same argument for never showering, and it would still be exactly as revolting.

And on the topic of natural things - here are some other natural things: cellulite, smegma, snot, unibrow, wrinkles, that crap that's in your eyes when you wake up, mustache-looking hairs on womens' upper lips, scar tissue, stretch marks, etc.

>>51809181
No it's at least three different people jackass, I don't use a trip, It's 4Chan, why would I need one? and anyway you're the one should go if you can't handle a little shitflinging.

>>51809181
>Guns were a thing in much of the Middle Ages anon.
True, but making reload a move action on something that will two hit kill a player is a dick move

>>51807812
That doesn't seem to use the huge "pirate dubloon" size gold pieces I've seen described in some AD&D stuff.
It must be later. What measurements for gp weight were used for this, and where did they come from?

>>51809228
Samefag tripfag confirmed.

>>51809237
Yeah that ain't right. Medieval firing rates were in minutes per shot.

>>51809181
>I suspect it's all one

Kek, of course you do, cuck.

>>51809258
Sorry friend I'm not a tripfag, and my responding confirms nothing, I'm one of the three people you quoted, but not the tripfag.

>>51809187
None of that is a problem if they bathe daily though.

>>51809348
If it's even remotely hot, it's a problem maybe 2 hours after they bathe, tops.

>>51809303
>>51809323
Wow Mr Samefag, you're still crying about your 3% goof, aren't you? Bet you'll reply to this post too, you have nothing else. Keep posting "Kek" and "Cuck", that'll soothe your anus. Maybe you'll post a Pepe, that'll REALLY show them all.

>>51809092
>>51809348
Come to think of it, in a medieval or pseudo-medieval setting hairy bush, legs, pits are going to be the norm for 90% of humans of either gender. Aristocrats... would depend on culture. Elves are another story of course.

>>51809562
I'm not Senor Kek above you, and i'm not samefagging, Are you legitimately retarded?

>>51809512
If that's true then I'm not going to be fresh either, so why make a big deal out of it?

>>51809595
Maybe...

>>51809609
Who let you out of your cage?

>>51809607
My point was: shave your bush so it doesn't catch your sweat and shitstink.
No bush? Fresher.
Bush? Less fresh, more gross.
Q.E.D.

>>51809671
No bush = higher risk for STI's and UTI's and it's really fucking itchy.

>>51809671
Why would there be shitstink in the front? Also, wouldn't most of it be taken care of by the shower assuming she doesn't take a shit immediately after showering?

>>51809690
That's more correlative then causative.

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>>51809092
>Look at this fag who pretends he wouldn't mind a legbeard on his woman
I don't.
Although it feels nicer once it grows past the bristley stage, I have to admit.
But any facial hair has got to go.
And I trim my armpit hair, and would expect her to as well, but she shaves that.
Long nasty pit hair is never good, imo.

>Men and women aren't the same, stop pretending.
Never said they were bucko.
But I'm not gonna ask someone to do for me what I won't do for them.
And I ain't never shaving my pits or legs.

Anyone have any good pictures to show that a thread is dead? I'm just asking for... Reasons.

>>51800949
this guy gets it

>>51809737
So what? It's still a higher risk, regardless of whether it's correlative or causative.

>>51809826
>HURR
Generally, more promiscuous women tend to shave their pubic hair.
More promiscuous women also tend to have a higher rate of STI/Ds.
Shaving pubic hair does NOT make a woman more promiscuous, thus it does not increase the rate of SDI/Ds because of that factor.
Barring the existence of other, significant, non-balanced factors (which you must provide evidence for), shaving pubic hair does not in and of itself increase the rate of STDs.

If you want to make an actual point, you can start by learning basic logic.

>>51797274
I build a bank around the vault, and I take loans and take deposits using the riches in the vault as collateral and security.

>>51809885
>you can start by learning basic logic.
But can he really?
>doubt.jpg

>>51809745
>trims his pit hair
>but shaves hit facial hair
>pretends he's fine with legbearded women
Sounds like a nu-male to me. Or you have disgusting fetishes. Maybe even both.

>>51801210
>>51800901

Mansa Musa supposedly caused a currency crisis in Egypt due to his generosity.

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>>51809816
Gotcha fampei

>>51809885
I said it doesn't matter to me, when I first posted, you seem like a germaphobe, but if the more promiscuous women tend to shave, then if a bitch shaves I'm not gonna fuck her.
Trimming isn't something I'm opposed to I just don't like my woman's pussy looking like a child's.

>>51803327
my s i d e s

>>51809912
>>trims his pit hair
Cause it's nasty

>>but shaves hit facial hair
Cause it looks sketchy as hell on me. Can't grow a decent beard. Mock me if you like.

>>pretends he's fine with legbearded women
Fine with a woman with leg hair, not necessarily women who pursue legbeards. Subtle difference.
A woman with thin leg hair can sport sheer pantyhose with a pair of fishnet tights over them and look sexy as hell.
Once they're off, I'm feeling, not looking.

>Sounds like a nu-male to me.
Nah, I've just been around long enough that a bit of leg hair doesn't scare me off.
In my day, we called them "Sensitive New Age Guys", there was even a song.

>Or you have disgusting fetishes.
Not liking pit hair is a fetish?
Shaving facial hair is a fetish?
Licking a woman's legs, even if they're a little hairy? Okay, maybe, yeah, but I'm not that into it, I just don't mind.

>>51810005
What does literally any of that have to do with my argument?

>>51809737 posted that
>[the STD/pubic hair relation is] more correlative then causative.

>>51809826 (I'm assuming that's you) replied that
>So what? It's still a higher risk.

My first post, >>51809885, stated that a given girl would have the same chance of catching STD/Is whether or not she shaved her bush.
I didn't say a single thing about my taste in women, just that the logic used in >>51809826 was faulty.

For casual flings, there is indeed a slightly increased risk for shaved bushes, but enough of it is personal preference that it isn't a metric worth using by anybody other than hyperconservative Christian grandmothers.

>>51810228
Alright dude, I just don't care, I'm too fucking tired for logic, nevermind that to apply it, i'd need to know the info you have on the corellation vs causation of STI risk with shaved or unshaved bush, I didn't, just remembered an offhand remark from a Discovery medical show or something on the internet, and besides Walking Dead's on in 16 minutes, so i'm out of here.

>>51810304
Have fun, then.

>>51797344
>preparing a ritual
I'm still laffin senpai

>>51802204
At the rate it would be growing though, you'd need to protect against two very dangerous foes:

i) Dragons and
ii) Interest rates

Unfortunately, magic can only fix one of those problems, and it isn't the markets.

>>51810005
>child's
Man that sure takes up a lot of space in your psyche. Do you think about what children's privates look like a lot?

You know what else has coarse hair? Goats. Clearly, since there's even the slightest tangential comparison possible, that's what your mind should be thinking about whenever you touch bush?

Nah, a certain something clearly haunts you so much that you can't look at an adult woman's shaved, fully developed genitalia, without your mind going to some pretty weird places.

>>51804680
>>51804692
These two gave me an idea. Fiat currency in fantasy. Of course since that's a silly notion no one would accept, the country's wealth is backed by treasure that's actually a giant colony of mimics. The vault's enchanted against spells to prevent break-ins, which conveniently fucks with potential magical mimic detection.

...it's 4 AM, I should probably go to sleep.

>>51802240
>the party wizard can craft one using the gold of an entire nation.
That kinda implies running back to town to buy the materials to make the wand.

>>51797375
Fucking this. You're literally sitting on a gold vault, you can become Fort Knox, open a banking service, whatever. If you need to move large quantities of gold for some reason, you can hire an arbitrary number of porters and escort them, preferably in the closest premodern equivalent to an armored convoy.

>>51803046
10/10 your contribution was spectacular.

>>51811628
10/10 your contribution was spectacular.

>>51811645
It got you to reply.

>>51809187
>quickly absorbs sweat, skin oils
Just the way we like it

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>>51803026
>ancap
>roads

>>51811065
yeah nobody ever realizes those rules at the very least _used to imply_ that they were doing these things during their periods of magical research in places where they could get the resources to make them, the gold cost not being literally gold pieces transmuted in the ritual.

>>51803410
But feeblemind doesn't stop clerical casting, since its wisdom based in PF, isn't it?

>>51812790
Ah, never-mind, I'm retarded.

>>51812810
No, you are right. Feeble mind stops ALL spellcasting, it is an additional effect.

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>>51809953
Excellent. You sir are a gentleman and a scholar. Unless you are a Lady gentleman and Lady scholar.

>>51811065
Not necessarily. They can use gold from treasure trove.

>>51814269
the gold price of magic item creation general imply buying fancy magic bullshit to rub on sticks/paper/bottles. Wizards don't eat heaps of gold and shit wands. Unless they do. In which case you run fucked up games.

>>51810573
Attracting dragons IS an issue. Maybe you could persuade one to help defend your hoard by giving it part ownership of a chunk of it?

WHAT interest rates? Feudal-era fantasy magical bullshit. The wealth is right htere, underground.

>>51814269
>>51814356
Bring the wizard to the gold.

>>51809187
You sound like a tremendous boy-molesting fruit.

>>51803036
Trimmed: yes
Untrimmed: no

>playing Call of Cthulhu
>set in 1920
>spend most of my starting wealth on a sick ass (armor plated) German car

>drive up to house on a hill
>park car
>ask DM if I need to make a driving check
>he says it's fine

>DM is kind of an autist
>assumes I'm trying to derail his session by asking him to give more detailed descriptions of rooms and items
>also pissed because I actually had enough sense to bring a shotgun

>party member goes out to my car to grab some candles out of the trunk
>DM looks at me
>"Roll for luck, Anon."
>Fail
>"You forgot the hand brake, the car starts rolling down the hill."

I pretty much revolted right there. Rest of the table agreed with me that it was a dick move. He sperged out and started retconning shit, but the damage was done.

>>51816138
Was it a crazy rush seeing to the car that caused the story to progress or did he just try to reck your car an gimp your character?

Cuz the first thing is alright if it leads to a more engaging story.

>>51816138
>ask if there's anything specific you need to do
>dm says no
>only to fuck you later

I'da smacked his shit then and there. Don't outright lie to your players on something like that.

>have the materials to make my flesh golem
>not even house ruled, but actual full rules and feats and components needed because DM is by the book
>except now
>"oh. Well anon, since I required everyone to write a huge back story yet refused to read them (because modules! Fuck character building), I wasn't prepared for this. We will say it takes 2 months putting a couple hours of work on it during party rest time."
>or game goes pretty much one day in game per session.
>we Fucking play once a week
>when asked if I could just spend all my time doing and just get it done, says if I'm just going to abandon the party,the character will retire
>mysterious happenings every time I want go into pocket lab and work.

ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS READ WHAT IT WAS. IT WASN'T SOME GAME BREAKING SPLAY BOOK SHIT. WAS JUST A GOLEM I'D USE AS A LAB ASSISTANT.

>>51797382
>1500 pounds.
1 Troy Ounce = $1,235.35
Do the maths yourself but the answer is you're really fucking rich.

>>51797317
So, GM gave you THAT "finger"

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>>51809187

actually, bodyhair wicks moisture away from the skin. I shave my legs because I'm prone to eczema from dryness on my shins, and there's a considerable difference in skin quality just from doing that.

girls with hairless vaginas are more prone to yeast infections and other fungal problems because it upsets the moisture balance and it's a ph-sensitive area. they're also more prone to blemishes and sores because hair normally protects the vagina from friction against clothes, such as tight jeans.

>>51803014
Well, Gulinda's Public Hair Purge is an 8th level spell, and I treasure my clit too much to use a straight razor

>>51804345
Shaving armpits is basic hygiene regardless of sex.
Trimming public hair is a must if you want to engage in oral sex.

>>51816458
>Shaving armpits is basic hygiene regardless of sex.
>It is common for men to shave their armpits as part of basic hygiene
[Citation Needed]

>>51816562
You ask any dudebro who goes clubbing and they'll tell you trimming is the least you can do.

>>51797274
I was once the asshole GM to my players.
A couple of years ago, during a campaign using Rogue Trader the PC's had kept powering themselves up constantly for combat. I kept suggesting that they might want to branch out into buying more ships, establishing Trade Contacts, or at least spending their money on ship upgrades. They ignored me and every session they acquired better and better armour and weapons to the point that nothing short of Space Marines and Rak'Gol could actually hurt them.
Since they didn't have enough ships for trading and the only skills or equipment they had were for fighting every session involved combat.
Then they had the gall to say to me, "Why don't we do anything but fighting?"
I was shocked and incensed because I had been saying for weeks "Stop buying more armour and weapons! Upgrade your ship, buy another ship, do something that doesn't involve bigger guns and thicker armour!"
So, in a little GM fit of anger I had them ambushed by Rak'Gol who slaughtered them effortlessly. Each of them burned a fate point, except the one guy who didn't have a fate point to burn and thus died. Their ship was hulked and most of their fancy gear was shredded, leaving them back at square one.
"Now," I thought, "They will get it through their heads that they should stray away from combat and move more towards non-combat stuff". I even outright suggested to them, "Hey, you should consider doing something besides combat for a while, you saw how bad that session went for you".
Start of the next session, "Hey, GM, can we buy some power armour and melta guns? We need to get ready for the next fight."

The campaign ended shortly afterwards because I got tired of having to keep contriving new scenarios for them to fight the same fucking enemies again and again.

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>>51816406
>that face when someone tells you something new about your skin condition that can actually help it

Jesus christ anon.

>>51816610
>trimming is the least you can do.
Which brings us back to:
>>51809745
>I trim my armpit hair, and would expect her to as well, but she shaves that.

>>51816668
That was a wrong move anon. Of course they would gear for combat if all you'd given them was fighting.
When they complained about too much combat, you should've given them a scenario where they would experience difficulties because of their lack of non-combat anything.

>>51816729
Tried that. They responded with combat.
>"Hey, this guy didn't just hand over every valuable he owns? Shoot him."

Tried rectifying this by making them deal with people too powerful to simply shoot. They responded by running away and finding people much weaker who could easily be shot in the face and looted.

>>51816311
Oh, no, it was just to piss me off. He didn't even plan the campaign anyway, he only used pre-written stories. I think that's why he got so pissy whenever I asked him for more details.

>>51816331
Right there with you. He's the only DM I've ever worked with that got consistently worse, the further the campaign progressed.

>>51816829
>that got consistently worse, the further the campaign progressed.
Go on?

>>51812390
>because businesses have no incentive to let their customers get to them
Unless you're just memeing for shits and giggles in which case, post something better because ancap shit is fucking hysterical.

>>51816999
To be fair, the Hand Brake Incident took place during one of the later sessions. I don't even have a lot of stories about him being particularly unfair, except for the hand break one and one a session later, where he had my car fall 30ft from a crane. He really hated that thing for some reason.

He was mostly just incredibly incompetent. Completely incapable of maintaining order and instead causing the players to act out more and more. It was actually pretty entertaining for a while, but the DM just kept getting more and more vengeful.

Campaign did end with me mountain a .50 cal machine gun with silver bullets on top of my Mercedes Benz and mowing down werewolves...

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>>51816361
When was the last time you priced a magic sword?

>>51797382
Well, just bring more bags of holding - and when encumbrance becomes an issue, stick them inside a portable hole - then toss in a sphere of annihilation to keep everything vacuum sealed. It'll work out fiiiine.

>>51802057
>>51801030
>PC's discover the origin story of all dungeon hordes.

>>51809919
Not just Egypt. Across the entire Sahara Desert since he basically embodied the "Prince Ali" song his whole way through.
That gold devaluing was so bad that Italian traders picked it up cheap from the desert lands, went back to Europe, and lived like kings off of it, so they used it to fund frivulous things like art and science.
Yes, history says that Musa accidentally kickstarted the entire Renaissance through charity, without ever stepping foot in Europe.

my character keeps around two portable holes. He dumps everything currently in them because they're worth less than daimonds. He then goes around with detect magic and grabs all the items more than its weight in daimonds. Then he fills the portable holes with daimonds. He repeats for the next most precious stone.

Another party member has a type IV bag of holding, we fill it too. We load a lot more into the two wagons we brought.

We have the barbarian carry a ton as well, everyone carries some.

The rest we leave. If literally thousands of pounds of daimonds isn't enough for us then we've reached maximum over greed.

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>hair is gross
>muh shaving
at least do it proper

>>51797710
>You're gonna need closer to like, 50 floating disks.

I remember doing that once when we needed to carry a massive overgrown Remorhaz somewhere once.

We ended up turning into an impromptu parade when we were floating it through the streets of town before converting it's body into a super-science death ray.

>>51809348
If you bathe properly, it doesn't even have to be daily. I skip a day every so often and never run into any issues.

>>51821741

Storytime?

>>51797274

Well, I had sex with his girlfriend on the gaming table, and he was really mad, and he made all sorts of rude gestures while cursing at me.

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I once had a player (who had to leave to move to another state after the session) make a pact with a demon to pull the father of all monsters into the void from which he came. After pulling him in, the father's treasure vault (where they fought him) began to fall apart. Having lost two of his best friends in the process of getting here, one of the players decided he wasnt leaving empty handed. So he stuffed his pants with as much gold and treasure as they would carry before leaving through the system of tunnels. Gold and riches fell from his every pocket as he tried desperately to hold his pants up and run out of the collapsing tunnels, being guarded by the only party member left. We kept making the joke that he probably ran and walked like pic related while running out.

>>51822096
That was really the most interesting part desu, but hell why not? This was about 2 years ago, so I may misremember a bit, but here's how I remember it going.

>Epic level campaign in the Nine Hells, D&D 4e, level...26 I believe
>The Party consists of Zaurus(myself): Time Psion from the 31st century, Sithis Bane: A smart-mouthed smooth talking bardic Tiefling with a mad science-y inventor streak, Raiden: another tiefling, master of sword and magic, bastard son of Asmodeus, and self-proclaimed heir to the Nine Hells throne, a Deva Paladin who's name I can't remember who was basically the embodiment of Justice, Gullibility, and MY WAIFU IS PURE! PUUURE!, and a..Ranger I believe, I can't actually remember.
>Our overarching campaign goal is to gain enough support to overthrow Asmodeus and put Raiden on the throne for our own various reasons(myself, I believed this was the correct course of events, and wanted to witness it firsthand since records of the Nine Hells Civil War are largely lost to history)
>After a number of shenanigans on the other layers, we arrive at Stygia, ruled by Levistus the Still King, trapped in a block of ice.
>Convincing Levistus to aid in our rebellion was incredibly easy compared to the other devils, of which we've had no luck.
>His condition was where the difficulty lied: Free him from the ice, and he'll aid us.

Cont.

>>51801424
Luckily, gold is pretty soft, so you should be able to hack chunks off with an axe.

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>>51802921
I approve of this

>DM: you see a tall tower, two goblins mock you from the battlements
>I cast command
>DM: *rolls* the goblin is under your influence, what is your command?
>Jump!
>DM: the goblin looks at you for a second and hops in place

>>51822291
>We wandered through Stygia as we pondered how to accomplish this when we came upon a massive hole in the ice we were walking on.
>The ice was clean cut and smooth, as if was melted. We decided something capable of melting ice this quickly on such a scale is exactly what we need. After spending hours searching the tunnels, some of which dated back centuries if the corpses we found within were any indication, we found what had created them.
>A Remorhaz. Not just any Remorhaz however, this one was much larger than any regular one. This thing had been living in the Hells for, as mentioned, centuries, and feeding on unwary devils unfortunate enough to get caught by it, becoming changed by their evil.
>After a pretty long and grueling fight(that ended hilariously as we unveiled a new combat combo involving 3 dailies from across our party that gave the Remorhaz over 150 ongoing damage that the DM could not save against to save his life), we finally killed the Infernal Remorhaz, only to be met with a new snag: How are we getting this thing out?
>As I hinted at above, we finally decided I would make a ridiculous amount of Tenser's Floating Discs and carry the thing out to town, us riding on it's back like proud hunters returning from the wilds.
>So we rode the thing into town, with Sithis Bane doing his best "Prince Ali, Fabulous He!" mock tunes, which is incidentally the only reason I remember the PC's name, as we carried it over to where Levistus was trapped.
>The corpse itself wasn't enough to even start melting the ice, so Sithis did what he did best: Bullshit super science, by using a bunch of machinery(with hired help provided by Levistus) to turn the Infernal Remorhaz into a mad science death ray.

2/3

>>51822368
I don't think that's really a thumbs up from the GM. Any rational being will try and interpret commands in the least harmful way possible.

>>51803014
>his does
Adventures are about practicality. Shaving is a hassle, so only dandies shave anywhere when traveling for significant periods of time or otherwise slumming it.

>>51803063
Armpits with (clean) hair are just as sexy as armpits without. And stinky armpits aren't sexy regardless, unless you're a degenerate.

>>51822386
>Shortly after flipping it on, it slowly but surely started doing exactly what he hoped, melting a big-ass hole into the ice that, within minutes, would have the Still Lord free from the ice.
>A new snag hit shortly into this however: Zariel(who we had previously freed from a secret prison Bel through her into after we kicked Bel out of the time stream) and ehr pet dragon attacked us, having been browbeat by Asmodeus himself into no longer supporting our rebellion.
>The fight wasn't especially interesting, as we were more than powerful enough to take her by this point, and we only needed to stall her long enough for the death ray to do it's job.
>We knocked out the dragon and did a number on her by the time the ice melted enough for Levistus to punch his way out, scaring Zariel off.
>Eternally grateful, Levistus was more than happy to give us any support we needed when the time came, and until then he would enjoy his regained freedom.
>First off though, he gave us the right papers and shit we needed to get down to the next layer, but we'd been adjusted to all this since we needed to deal with this bureaucratic bullshit in every layer so far, something our DM greatly enjoyed, he did a good job making every aspect of getting from one layer to the other look it was made by evil asshole lawyers.

Sadly, the game ended shortly after since half the group moved away for college, including the DM, and our rebellion never got a proper conclusion. It was a hell of a fucking ride while it lasted though.

>>51804962
Well yeah, it wouldn't be medieval if there weren't guns.

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>>51817276

>>51816683
How could you not know this? Hair is an extremely important part of your health. It's your skin's first line of defense against the environment, and yourself. However, it makes harder to reach your skin. Also, what skin condition do you have? Is it ichthyosis?

>>51800935
>What is sacred geometry
Use logic to ignore logic, wizard man. It's why you chose the class to begin with.

>>51807525
OP here

Disregard this I suck cocks.

>>51822166
>on the gaming table
OVER THE LINE

>>51797751
>leaving a party member alone

>>51822368
"You speak a one-word command to a creature you can see within range. The target must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or follow the command on its next turn. The spell has no effect if the target is undead, if it doesn’t understand your language, or if your command is directly harmful to it."

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>>51804670

>>51797274
>Demon cult headquartered in a brothel basement
>Lots of illusions and charm effects around as we explore the facility
>Come into room full of beautiful women
>DM tells everyone to make a wisdom save
>Sorcerer and cleric (me) pass
>Everyone else is getting charmed by the women, while we see them as illusory and unreal
>We try to convince the other party members that they're illusions to no avail
>Sorcerer decides to manually dispel the illusion
>Whips out his crossbow and starts firing at the illusory women
>My cleric thinks it's a dumb idea, but doesn't stop him
>Once he's done the magical effect ends and there's a bunch of dead prostitutes on the ground
>It turns out that making the save somehow made us see real women as illusions
>DM proceeds to make dead hooker jokes at the sorcerer's expense for the rest of the session

My cleric was incredibly guilty that he did nothing to stop it and later revived the women, but OoC I was pissed. The DM never gave us a clear explanation of what exactly was going through her head. Maybe she was just planning to fuck with us and didn't expect anyone to start shooting at the "illusions".

>>51803036
>do you just like your women to look like little girls?
Yes?

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>>51830233

>>51803026
There's nothing AnCap about it. It's PC behaviour. They want cool shit, and if you threaten the cool shit they have, they will come down hard on that threat.

>>51803175

are you drunk?

>>51829397
It probably was a glamour to make ugly whores look like high class concubines.
When you made the save you didn't dispel the magic. It just made you realize that it was fake,
but the illusion was still concealing the true identity of the unfortunate ladies.

>>51809187
>Hair is disgusting
So, you shave every inch of your body, including your head, and only sleep with bald women, right?

>>51835776

Right.

>>51802240
are there wands in 5e? i just played a wizard for the first time and i was trying to figure out what you do when you're out of spell slots in DnD

>>51816747
That's literally what you're supposed to do in those situations.

>>51801019
>Johnson from out of town multinational offers to buy nuclear fuel rods
>PC's go find rods and almost lose a PC during retrieval due to radiation, med bills are super expensive to save him
>remaining PC's medevac injured and place loot into Johnsons drones
>PCs chatting happily IC and OOC about all the money they had been promised
>DM describes drones leaving
>PC's decide to go pay med bills and get friend out of hospital
>INSUFFICIENT FUNDS

The fury in them was glorious. They wanted to nuke the city they met the Johnson in, yet didn't have nukes. So they wanted to make nukes, yet aren't any sort of engineer with the facilities. Eventually they settled on being alive being payment enough as it turns out the Johnson informed a well-funded global nuclear watchdog outfit that terrorists criminals had discovered a stockpile in the Zone. Getting chased out of the Zone by heavily armed badasses, being duped by a Johnson and almost losing a friend just to win a huge medical bill apparently really pissed them off.

What's funny is, the Zone got massively locked down because of that, drying up their home town and killing their business. You need badguys worthy of, and ruthless towards, your players.

"You're confronted by the BBEG, who ascends with the magical maguffin. His archwizard companion turns to fight you to buy him time to escape, prepare yourselves for the final battles."

"I cast feeblemind, the archmage becomes int1, cha1."
"Uhh.. No I'm not letting that slide."

>>51804345
>says the hairless slanty-eyed hongcouver resident

>>51835654
No, they were all beautiful according to the DM, before and after the illusion. After I revived them, I convinced them to convert to my religion and the DM even made a bunch of sexy nun jokes.

In regards to the illusion, we had no indication that it was just an appearance alteration illusion. I can't remember the precise words, but she pretty much told us that we saw them as illusions. I think she might've even said they appeared translucent. What's more, I'm pretty sure our first attempt to break the charm on the rest of the party was waving our hands through the women in front of them.

One thing I didn't mention was that the women were going to be sacrificed in order to summon a succubus. So in retrospect, I suspect the DM planned for the women to die one way or another. Maybe she was going to fake us out and show the "illusory" women getting sacrificed, assuming we wouldn't try and save "illusions", and then guilt us about not saving them when it turned out they were real. She did shit like that not infrequently.

>>51822601
I'm not a female so I don't know what that disease is, but I know what an ichtyosaurus is and I remember it looking freaky and fishy, so I will not google that disease either and stay blissfully unaware of any huge-eyed-tiny-teethed-fish-skin-diseases

>>51809248
http://www.d20srd.org/srd/equipment/wealthAndMoney.htm#coins