Greentext thread? Greentext thread.

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>>51743143

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>>51743201
Well thats topical with the other meme thread up.

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>>51745894

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>>51745894

>>51743160
>"Well, logically, wood is hard, and you're just a woman. Can a woman break a chest in real life?"
Yes. Watch a damn karate exhibition, The Roman, you distant probably-dead cuntgrenade.

>>51747326
yeah but did he get that assignment done on time tho

>>51747429
he had the blessing of the machine god, what do you think
no because finishing things is heresy

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Not strictly /TG/, but I'm pretty sure this is how quests begin.

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>>51747959

Wait, does lordship work that way? Holy fuck! My family owns a castle and town in Germany, I could theoretically make someone a lord!

... I'd have to get that castle and town back from the German government first, but that's beside the point.

Actually... I'm Jewish... and they pay Jews to live in Germany... could I use that as leverage in my claim? I must consider this.

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Here's a pretty fresh one that made me giggle.

>>51748429
No, you also need royal heritage

And not just the whole "everyone in Europe is Charlemagne's descendant" type of royal heritage

>>51748744
Literally, yes, I'm royalty. That's what I meant by "my family owns a castle and town".

>>51748788
If I clean your castle and suck your dick i get some minor title of nobility?

>>51749331
I do not have a dick, desperate sir, but I will consider your claim nonethless.
lol no

>>51749431
Different anon here. Suppose I were to marry off one of my family members to one of yours.

My siblings are all married but I've got some cousins and nephews.

>>51749431
Not the other dude, but how about name-dropping said town/castle so I can Google Earth it and wish I too could be denied my offers for oral in exchange for land and title.

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>>51749431
Fuck that guy. You don't have a dick? That's cool. I'll suck it anyway. I'll throat fuck that puppy into existence. I'll tongue it so hard, it'll permanently smell like my minty breath. It's gonna have a fucking summer home in my esophagus. It's gonna happen so hard, it'll. Wanna keep it forever? Bam, done. Just more dick sucking required. No nonsense.
Fuck those other dick suckers. They couldn't sip milk through a straw. I can take in a two-liter bottle no problem.

>>51749431
do you have big khazar milkers
this is important

>>51749535
end ur sad life my man

>>51749477
>>51749478

Schaffhausen, and I guess it's technically in SWITZERLAND not Germany.

If my grandmother is to be believed (she was obsessed with geneology and studied it very thoroughly) then my current family are the most "direct" descendants after the Holocaust happened. My father would own it, being the second son, as the first son of our family took his wife's name which invalidates him. So that's my father, myself, then my sister, in that order.
I will not marry you, anon, but good try.

>>51749535
You earned a mighty kek from me anon.

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>>51749576
>the Holocaust happened

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>>51749576
This the one? Looks nice.

>>51749643
That would be the one!

>>51749576
No, no, I'm not marrying you. But I have younger family members I could probably pressure into marrying you if you can do some waiting. I'm the cool aunt. Why even bother getting them board games and super soakers if I can't marry them off to a stranger for political expediency?

>>51749576
>>51749643
>>51749673

>""""girl""""
>holohoax
>switzerland
>jew owned castle that has been public property for centuries
https://translate.google.com/translate?hl=en&sl=auto&tl=en&u=https%3A%2F%2Fde.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FMunot

1/10

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>>51749573
Fuck you in particular. I'll suck your dick DRY, muchacho. I'll drain so much of your precious bodily fluids, you'll wanna start WWIII. I'll put my FINGER in your PENIS and you'll enjoy it. I'm a goddamn professional. I'm gonna use Drain Life on your fucking turtlenecked pope. I'll cause infertility. You swine. You fucking scum.

>>51749576
How about your sister then? Would that make me like a count or something?

>>51749736
Hell if I know, but she's taken so good luck.

>>51749762
Nothing wrong with some good ol regicide.

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>>51749771

>>51749771
That's maybe not a precedent you wanna set.

>>51748429
Do you have a Von in your surname?

Anyways British titles are different. For one thing a Lordship isn't inheritable. It's more like appointing someone as a manager of your land.

>>51749851
I don't a Von in my name, no. And British titles are quite different from other places in Europe, if I recall correctly.

Owning Schaffhausen is more like being in charge of a canton (like a county or a state) than just the castle itself, though, so that would probably be harder to get than I thought. I can always bring it up to the government, it couldn't hurt. Who knows, I may even be able to get my hands on it, I know I can at least prove my ancestry with legal documents.

>>51749431
>femanon gasping for attention in /tg/

Colour me surprised.

>>51749897

Here's that (You) you wanted.

>>51745894
holy fuck, my sides.

>>51749903
mmm salty

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>>51749953
No salt, only kek.

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another classic.

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>>51750054
Such sweet justice

>>51748744
>And not just the whole "everyone in Europe is Charlemagne's descendant" type of royal heritage
Huh. I know exactly how my lineage can be traced back to ol' Charlie but I guess I'm not special there. Ah well.

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Does anyone have the one about the paladin who roleplays a lawful good character with ideals perfectly? All I remember is he gives one of his magic items to the party rogue to repay him for doing the right thing and not the profitable one.

I offer this paladin in return.

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>>51751175
I decided I might as well throw in a few of the other greentexts I have since that one is more of just a writefag.

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>>51751255

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>>51751277
Here's another paladin. Still not the one I'm looking for though.

>>51750054
In spite of any made up bullshit this story entails it really makes me happy to read it every time.

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a classic

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>>51750054
>>51750904
>>51751348

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>>51751908

>>51748733
I'm sure it's a reference to something but I have no idea of what it is

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>>51751959
Outlaw Star, its the anime from the pic. Kind of old now, but a decent series. And that catgirl hits all my fetish buttons.

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>>51751687
I love this story

>>51743201
>AND MY TAX
I'm fucking dead

>>51751348

We all know, but we choose to believe.
Just let it be anon.

>>51752119
What about second bailout?

>>51747326
>Not using Chaos to bring back your computer.
>Not making a nurgelite abomination of code and steel.

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>>51751921
>>51751908
I made a consolidated screencap a while back

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>>51752815
And that was clearly not it.

>>51752837
Reminder that Eisen did nothing to deserve this shit.

>>51749535
This post made me laugh so hard that I actually teared up. Holy shit.

This is a particularly shitty screencap thread.

>>51753460
Excellent contribution.

>>51749704
I'm with this anon, if anyone believes that story, i have a bridge to sell.

Polite sage for non-contributing.

>>51751049
At least you're related to Charile. My lineage comes from nobility that help William beat the shit of out the Anglo's, and then about 100 some odd years latter they get exiled and all nobility stripped.

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Anyone have the greentext about statting Theodore Roosevelt?

>playing in a Marvel-universe campaign
>players are shield agents in a post-avengers world
(Marvel Cinematic universe)
>since we're the cloak and dagger type, my character has a job he can actually tell people about
>the extra money doesn't hurt because our unit has a budget
>so my character has a side gig as a bounty hunter that handles supernatural type bounties

>Bounty comes up
>Some unnaturally burly dude has been going to bars, getting tanked, starting fights, and usually kills his opponent before fucking off
>The Russian mob in the city, big proponents of logic and reason under the influence, decide this needs to stop
>That their customers, mooks, and extortion targets are among the dead surely have nothing to do with this public service they want done
>Capture or Kill is the bounty, full reward either way
>Get a decent description from a few bartenders upset about the bloodshed
>Get a phone number from a half drunk girl in one of the bars
>She has understandable reservations about booty calling a half-ton drunken murderer
>"He's pretty hot though, aside from the drunken murderer thing"
>Bring this info back to my fellow shield agents
>Agent Sunshine offers to honeypot the guy
>So she calls him, slurs something about getting his number in a bar a few days ago, and gets his address for an ostensible hook-up
At this point, I would like to note that an unknown biological agent was released into the facility we all used to work at. Said agent apparently activated dormant mutations in certain personnel. Our team is composed of the agents with stable, beneficial, and controllable mutations. Agent Sunshine has human-torch like powers of "being on fire without dying". This will become important later.
>So the team gears up because A) the money is good enough to split and B) we have a super strong dude that likes to beat people to death
>Sunshine gets buzzed in to the dude's apartment building
>The rest of us sneak in behind her
(Cont.)

>>51759468
>We agreed earlier that Sunshine would get the guy drunk for easier subdual, relying on a mutant boosted liver to out drink the guy and give us the go word to breach
>So the team waits around the corner and Sunshine gets invited in
>An hour passes while we listen to flirting over comms
>Sunshine mutters "he's not getting drunk faster than me, plan b" at hour 2
>Whatsplanb.png
>Hear drunken kissing and a zipper
Oh, this is not a very good idea.
>We reposition and stack up on the apartment door
>Hear mattress springs
>Look at each other awkwardly
>Suddenly hear the roar of flames and guttural screaming
>Kick the door
>Sunshine standing there, wrapped in a sheet
>Meanwhile a gigantic burly dude is rolling around on fire
>He is unhappy about this
>A neighbor bangs in the wall and tells "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
>Someone grabs a fire extinguisher from the hall and puts the guy out
>mfw he stands up and starts going after Sunshine
>Pull my sidearm and put two in his head
>He drops
>Starts getting back up
>Shit shit shit
>Empty the rest of my mag
>Thoroughly dead guy, destroyed apartment smells like smoke and booze
>...
>Call client, explain situation, send picture of the guy's face
>"We come and clean, money in your account. Pleasure to be doing business with you."
>We 360 and go back to base
>Sitting around the conference room quietly
>Sunshine breaks the silence
>"Anyone got a craving for barbecue?"

>>51759468
>>51759631
I chuckled. Nice.

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>running players through a homebrew I made.
>2 players have minor experience
>3 players have never played before
>Starts out normal, barbarian, fighter, druid, rogue, ranger.
>the new dwarf Dwarf barbarian player decides he wants to roleplay a dwarf the only way he thinks you can...By selling his starting armor and buying a bunch of wineskins filled with ale.
>Starts out normal, they listen to the king, the dwarf drinks 5 wineskins and asks how much booze the quest reward can get them.
>Leave the city, and enter the magical tower which appeared a century ago
>Walk in, noticing walls covered in suits of armor.
>Immediately knocks them all over, then noticed a door that was locked.
>Party rolls strength, rogue gets a 7, bounces off
>Druid wildshapes into a horse and kicks the door down
>The room was full of gnolls.
>large fight begins, dwarf decides to drink ale as his action, ignores the 3 gnolls swinging st him.
>Gnolls keep missing the drunk dwarf.
>Battle rages on, rogue misses sneak attack, druid misses attack, ranger misses, gnolls miss, everyone missing.
>Realize that nobody has managed to roll a 15 on either side.
>Finally after numerous rolls most the gnolls lie dead
>Dwarf player drinks his 17th wineskin since the battle started around....36 seconds ago
>Decide the dwarf is about to spew
>Dwarf player looks at me
>Grabs his dice
>"I roll to puke the last gnolls to death"
>New player, wants to have fun, and I figured OK, dwarf ale vomit is probably pretty caustic.
>Rolls a 20 to hit
>Bullshit some numbers decide it's probably a 10ft range vomit, 2d6+con mod for damage.
>Deals 14 damage to the last nearly dead gnolls
>"The last gnolls shrieks as a barrage of burning fluid mixed with rabbit bones and alcohol Sears his skin, he falls in a heap from the attack, all but melted from the stomach acid."


Everyone's having fun and I would be lying if I wasn't glad the new players wanted to keep playing.

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>>51743136
Good one from a few days back

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>>51760000
Homebrew campaign .

Not a Homebrewed game with rules and stuff

>>51751921
I want a quick chuckle not a fucking novel anon

>>51760953
its worth the read provided you have an attention span longer than the average american schoolchild

>>51761268
This. Spiderwoods is a really good read, though I'm not a fan how the writefag changes his style from post to post. Also, english is obviously his second language.

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>>51760000
That's fucking magnificent anon. I like having new players do wacky shit before serious shit personally.

>>51749576
>I will not marry you, anon, but good try.
How about some headpats, booze and verbal abuse?

>descendant of boyar family of crazy patriotic nutjobs that spent half the war fighting with nazis
>and the other half fighting against them
>would-be heir of moderately-sized township
>Bolsheviks confiscated & burned all evidence of previous ownership

>>51763056
>headpats, booze and verbal abuse
if anons not into it i am

>>51749592

Back to /pol/, my swarthy friend, back to /pol/.

>playin' 5E homebrew
>I roll a punch wizard knock off
>punch wizard is actually a wrestling wizard
>only spell is enlarge, plus a couple cantrips
>always go by my stage name, Magic Man
>proceed to wrestle everything into submission using my arcane might
>elbow drop an ogre cheiftain to death from atop a guard tower
>dominate an underground wrestling federation
>flex food into the hands of the needy
>nothing could stop me
>party decides to accept a job from the town guard
>there be monsters in these sewers
>we proceed to clear skellies and other misfits from these fine sewers
>then I met him, Sandy Ravage, wrestler extraordinaire, followed by his wrestling diva sidekick, Succu-Bitch
>immediately, I knew it was fate
>I tell the rest of the party plus the guardsmen who were helping us to stand down
>we wrastle, one on two, no magic, no weapons
>we trade blows, but I barely manage to overpower them both thanks to the cheers of my guardsmen fans
>Ravage couldn't stand to lose though
>he proceeds to pull some knuckles from his tights, and sucher punches me square in the jaw
>it's treason, then
>I recover, we lock hands, and then I unleash the lightning
>Ravage flees, half burnt to a crisp
>I start after him, but Succu-Bitch slashes my back using her bitch-nails
>angry, and with 1 hp remaining, I close in and manage to hoist her above my head, ready to unleash the greatest backbreaker I can muster
>something ain't right though
>Ravage was a right cunt, but Succu-Bitch had the spirit of a wrastler
>I roll charisma to convince Succu-Bitch to change her ways and wrestle for the forces of good
>nat 20
>Succu-Bitch, seeing the error of her ways, and agrees to join the party as my wrestling partner
>everyone else is worried about having a latex wearing succubus in a mask following us around, but I've seen her true spirit
>everything proceeds as usual, except now Succu-Bitch drops me from the sky so I can unleash the ultimate elbow drops on my foes

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>>51766930
WWEizard

>>51743136
Why would you have waifu if you have a girlfriend? why would you put you're waifu on the path of the murderhobos and not have a contingency teleport ready, or give her really overpowered artefacts?
I call bullshit.

>>51759023
Kek, I hadn't read that one yet. Doesn't get posted a lot.

>>51760039
Kek, that was a pretty good read. What thread was that?

>>51749981
>the ultimate tg yugioh experience 2.png
>2
Where's "1"?

>>51767451
Open your eyes

>>51767470
Ah, yes, that helped a lot.

You'd be surprised how often I end up posting on /tg/ with my eyes closed. Terrible habit.

>>51767478
Pretending to be retarded won't make you look smarter

>>51751311
who's the guy in the helmet, second to last pic?

>>51767640
Looks like Proto Man with a Victorian coat

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>>51751687
>guy who insults Edgardo on the bar has the same retort both in the original and the verbose version
Amazing.

>>51766930
Mm, perfect.

>>51762954
AntiHero Origin Story.png

>>51751908
>>51751921
Pretty fucking good.

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>>51766930
For anyone that wants to save this one

>>51760039
>>51767278
There was an ending to the story: the paladin was fast enough and just berely stopped the lord from eating the food, becoming a hero to everyone, with a party organised to honour him.

>>51743201
LotR fags sure got salty over a joke

>>51749535
Why do I see Jafar in the thumbnail?

>>51769880
I don't know what you interpret as getting salty in that picture

>>51766046
Not an argument, dipshit. Fact has no containment.

>>51775421
It's not fact, it's an opinion.

>>51775445
Just don't fucking respond and we can all read a peaceful non-shitted up thread

>>51777625
>Pirates of the Caribbean as an RPG 1.png
Please tell me there are more of these and you have them.

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>>51752454

>>51767594
After all the genealogy lists in the Bible listing every single descendant from Abraham to Jesus, I'm amazed that anyone is surprised that Jews are obsessed with it.

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>>51778031
Here ya go.
2/5

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>>51778746
3/5

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>>51778767

So far, this thread is a really awful collection.

Which idiots are dumping? Maybe you particular guys should not bother reposting these awful screencaps anymore.

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>>51778796

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>>51778870

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>>51778870
Do you have anything better anon? Because I noted you didn't post an image along with your comment.

>>51778870

Perhaps you should post ones that you like, then.

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>have to chill with my slightly autist 12 year old cousin at home
>his parents are seperated and hardly sees his father
>wants to play cod
>he's a camper and screen peaker
>getting competitive and banterous
>tells me to "come to papa"

Does anyone have that story about a party using speed-enhanching spells and whatever to kill the endgame villain with a giant bag of manure?

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>>51751687
Is this...not just Edgardo but with some storytelling edits and a different character name?

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>>51779639
Sadly, I don't, but can I interest you in other poo-related adventures?

>>51781670
thatsthejoke.png

>>51778902
I'm sorry, but this thread is just absolutely filled with nothing but garbage. I'm almost curious as to where you guys are from, because if you had been here before in any of a countless other screencap threads, you'd have a much better selection than all this trash you've posted so far.

You're probably better off digging in the archive, because it seems like you guys need a lot of screencaps, considering the sorry states of your current collections.

>>51781748
I love this one, was about to post it

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>>51782182

Again, please enlighten the thread O revered greentext critic. Twat.

>>51747959
That was me Kek. I had forgotten I wrote that greentext. Man, it was hilarious any time I came up on uni forms as "Lord Anon" and the looks...priceless

>>51767871
I dig the appreciation for the little touches.

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>>51783307
Here's a pic to go with that

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>Helping Co-DM a campaign in 5e
>Everyone in the party is very new to tabletop gaming outside of traditional board games, so taking things easy as I help coach people on how to avoid metagaming and pointing out rules when they're confused
>Lots of IC and OOC chatter bouncing around at all times
>Due to the Party accepting fucking EVERYTHING people ask of them, they have multiple things and locations to find
>Party gets a hint that a Banshee of an old Elven Queen is nearby that knows pretty much everything about the land
>Party finds a good gift for her and ventures to the ruins where she resides
>As they get close the DM pauses the game to tell everyone that he's going to enforce the rules a bit stricter in this upcoming segment and will not let people take back actions
>They present their gift and their bard sings a song about how lovely the Banshee is: her rage calms to a seething fury and she says she will answer one question and one question only
>Party had their Barbarian stand before her due to having the most HP and AC as the party starts whispering, trying to think of a way to phrase a question so they can get multiple locations out of her
>DM points out the Banshee is quickly getting annoyed from the delay
>The Barbarian quickly blurts out "Is it okay if I talk to my friends for a bit to decide on a question to ask you?"
>Table falls silent, DM facepalms
>"The Banshee looks straight into you and says 'No' before vanishing."

The campaign quickly fell apart after that.

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>>51779639

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>>51782182
You're still not posting any of your so called superior greentexts anon, quit being an enormous faggot.

>>51786882
>quit being an enormous faggot.

I didn't know you were trying to establish a monopoly. Carry on then.

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>>51775087
I've read many /tg/ copy pastas and stories but this one is by far, my most favorite.

>>51743136
>playing a Journey to the Center of the Earth game
>fuckhueg spider is blocking the way out
>almost impossible to fight with our stats
>some klansman tells us that it demands a sacrifice of a living being per allowed passage
>he agree to send zombies for us to pretend sacrifice
>our missionary decides to do the "sacrifice"
>"Oh Great Spidergod, accept these sacrifices of the undead creatures"
>open_palm_punch_my_face.doc
>spider goes apeshit and almost TPKs us

The player is a great dude, but he really needs to start thinking about the words he blurts out of his mouth.

>>51778870
Please perform raunchy fellatio to a shotgun barrel, and take that money shot right in the mouth like the faggot whore you are.

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>>51751995
/fit/here, love fit girls and massive fetish for catgirls. Aisha hits all of my buttons in the right way

>>51788116
>Aisha changes shape mid-orgasm
>Clutches your now tiny body to her soft, purring stomach so hard you can't move

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>>51788132
anon a man can only take so much

>>51749535
are you an oglaf dwarf?

>>51782182
I'm sorry that you are such a huge butthurt faggot that your anus is constantly bleeding like a faucet. Might I recommend you commit suicide and reroll.

>>51759023
Now I want a romcom about Lolth and her human follower.

>>51788157
just imagine the scream she does when she transforms

That's what happens when you get her to climax

>>51775087
Impressive

>>51771023
It's the jew nose.

>>51788606
Would gladly accept death by Ctarl-Ctarl snu-snu.

>>51743201
>not "File you fools!"
delet this

>>51789570
same here

>>51761268
Nothing from this site is worth over two minutes of reading.
Full stop.

>>51791858
Then why do you waste hours of your life here?

>>51791858
Perhaps you should go back to TVTropes, friend, since they seem to be more your speed.

Anybody got the "I want to be adventurer" thing?

>>51767104
>Why would you have waifu if you have a girlfriend?
Autism.

>I call bullshit.
Your naivety is endearing and inspires hope. That isn't even badly autismal.

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>>51751175
this unironically makes me a little teary eyed

>>51748429

If I were single you'd be my waifu.

If you do a purim carnival this year, then you totally have to dress up as "Princess Myself"-- the alternate universe version of you that actually reigns over a minor idyllic swiss kingdom.

One of these years, I'll be going as a Dalek with a three-cornered hat.

>>51788116
also only character that appeared full frontal nude in that show. They had their shit on point.

>>51749535
>>51788203

/thread

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>>51762954
>>51768633

>>51797408
she had a big furry white bush in the manga version

>>51745894
He should have had to make a Sense Motive check before being able to tell.

>>51748429
[Borrow 300 from Jewish Merchants]
[Expel the Jewry]

>>51775445
>scientifically proven fact is an opinion
Kill yourself, moral relativist. You are objectively wrong.

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Best evil party story I've seen.

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The tale of Legacy War.

>>51799443
>Best evil party story I've seen.
Ooh, there's one I haven't read in a long while.
They all got into epic level evil, controlling the world and whatnot, storyteller was teh cleverest and edged out control over the others until they banded together to take him out. He had an elf slave too.
I'll never find it.
I recall liking the "cleverness" of his plans, despite the overall unlikelihood of it being real.
But the biggest detail I remember was how it ended.

Fresh one lads, it's a bit of a doozy

>Our party of 7 is in a cultist tower after killing a manticore, seemingly for the good of everyone, cult throws a party ect
>we consist of a paladin, wizard, druid, fighter, monk, sorcerer and me, the rogue
>monk is off meditating on his own while celebrations start
>paly and fighter start to discuss if we should kill them, wizard agrees
>sorc (who just joined), Druid and I oppose the idea for different reasons
>eventually we come to an agreement: if we find any dirt on these guys, we'll slay them, but only if, seeing as they're throwing a feast
>party turns around
>"So this is your true intention?" The leader coldly asks, as seven (7) knights surround us
>being the fucking idiots we were, we discussed this right in the open in front of the celebrating cult
>youdensemotherfuckers.png

Best part is we actually pulled through in the fight, save for the monk who (in order), drop kicked 3/4 guys to their deaths, got surrounded and knocked out, woke up with 1 HP on the highest tower in a circle of these cultists, burned the ropes, avoided ALL their attacks, rolled off the edge, saved himself on a window still, got stabbed by a flying dagger, dropped to a rock, died then splatted on the roof of the room we had just cleared out.

Other than that we all made it out relatively fine, for an encounter we were clearly not ment to attempt yet. The DM was pretty impressed that, given the circumstances, we killed every cultist there, and only one lone party member died

>>51745894

... shouldn't it be bludgeoning damage?

I mean, I get the double entendre, but seriously though.

>>51743136
Good, waifu fags are the worst.

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>>51752837

anyone have the story where the BBEG turns out be be another player who is a bitter old man on his deathbed?

>>51800817
>anyone have the story where the BBEG turns out be be another player who is a bitter old man on his deathbed?
Do you mean the one where the guy played a solo game with a GM as a Good necromancer and had his life's work undone by PCs in another campaign the GM was running?
If so, no.

>>51800858
yeah that one
i kinda forgot how it went

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>>51800817

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>>51801689
thanks friend!

>>51790649
that was painful to read

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Oldie but goodie

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>>51760000

>>51799778
Holy fuck my sides

>>51786677
Somehow 200 lbs mass at 15 mps causes 1500 lbs mass to exit at 15 mps? And the writer then claims that this is because conservation of momentum.

This is just stupid.

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>>51805125
>perhaps they could help each other out?

>>51747246

I can not stop fucking laughing at this.

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>>51800570
You'd think so, but no.

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>>51749535

>>51805165
because he just hits something the weight of the bag what is inside doesn't weigh anything on the material plain until it leaves the bag of holding moron.

>>51775087
Man the laughs and feels are felt even in the pasta form.

>>51805509
>charged with trespassing
If I remember the story right, bestiality was actually legal at the time of the event. And was shortly after outlawed because of this.
It was subsequently the only year in recent history of state Washington when more people moved out than how many moved in.

>>51777444
Fucking fantasy Serbs...
Still that's a villain played well.

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>>51749535

>>51769368
Haha nice, I haven't seen that one before.

>>51749576
>>51749673

Don't let the rabble bring you down, we disposed european minor nobility have to stick together.

Sincerely: First born son, clan MacGregor, deposed and exiled following the Jacobite uprising.

>>51808623
literally made earlier in this thread
here
>>51766930

Anyone have the Tormino pizza one?

>>51809155
dad's family are former heads of the town of eindhoven, used to invest in the mills around the region. still got our knighthood certificate from later on in the attic somewhere

mom's side were also macgregor, left for the new world and settled in new scotland. How ya doin'?

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nominally /tg/, but it's fucking ace combat which oughta be a solid recommendation from this place for vidya anyways

>>51751175
holy shit this story is actually something of legend. it's goddamn beautiful

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>>51799778
Holy shit

>>51799778
Jesus, I had to take a break after every paragraph.

anyone have the one with the bard that was a kpop star?

>>51806563
When the stuff leaves the bag it effectively gains mass. That means that its momentum will increase proportionately. UNLESS the velocity decreases proportionately.

Now, you could argue that because it's magic the momentum doesn't need to stay the same.

But you cannot justify it by preservation of momentum. Moron.

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Was looking for something good and rare to post and only found a pic I made so I whipped up this screencap.
Not sure it's worth saving or sharing, but it got the job done in the original thread.

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>>51749535

>>51801452

Now I'm normally conflict-averse, and smoke alot of weed, but that would've rustled my jimmies.

The vaseline would've been met with a broken door.

>>51786918
I'm fairly sure that will be impossible, given how you dominate the market

>>51743136
anyone here saved the Ted Cruz one ?

>>51817248
What exactly do you mean? I have some Ted Cruz caps, but I don't think any of them is /tg/ related.

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>>51799778
jesus fucking christ 11/10

>>51814089
The thread about OP's shitty attention hog character, where he rolled five natural 20s at crucial moments in order to derail the campaign, and then everyone at the table clapped and sucked his dick?

Or was there a good k-pop bard thread I missed?

>>51815837
>PCplans.png

>only 4 screencaps in the objectively superior, easy-on-the-eyes Tomorrow theme
I'm not even gonna read them unless they're in Tomorrow.

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>>51747959
I'm technically a lord (or laird) as well, after I donated some money for restoration of some Scottish castle and got granted (a really tiny) fief for it. I haven't put it into any official documentation, though, even if I'd have every right to do so. I should probably inform...whoever it is that I'm supposed to inform about it to get the title added to my social registry information.

Also, something on-topic.

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>>51817316

>>51819981
I haven't seen the thread he's talking about but "and then I got a 20" stories are kind of lame. The more 20s you get in a single story the more I lose suspension of disbelief.

>>51801452
Sweet merciful Lord.

>>51819981
> "And then I rolled 20 AGAIN"
If I read anything close to this line, I immediately stop reading the greentext. I just know it's fake, and not even good kind of fake like Henderson.

>>51783517
sooooo is it true? Any verification? Can you use the land?

>>51814854
I was just chalking it up to magic, but you demanded a realistic explanation, if anybody hits a bag of holding and turns it inside out they'd probably rip a hole into the astral plane, that aside, the shit doesn't gain mass until the moment it leaves the bag, all the energy of jackass running into it would transfer to the shit, would it be enough to do what was described?Probably not, but nobody here cares enough to ruin the Fun that can be had making shit cannons, Moron.

>>51820681
>henderson
>good

Opinion discarded.

>>51820681
You do realize it's possible to roll 20 multiple times in a row, right? I've done it before when I'm just absent-mindedly rolling the dice behind the screen.

>>51817261
sorry should have been more specific

Some random anon post a story of how a player got away with playing republic nomine Ted Cruz for a few sessions before the gm caught on to it.

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>>51823243
There was no story there, and the only interesting part of this thread was a bunch of anons cruzposting about delegates.

>>51823283
https://desuarchive.org/tg/thread/51620818/
But I did find this thread for you, anon.

>>51823321
Wow.

>>51820681
I don't know the brick one was pretty funny.

>>51819892
Yeah fellow tomorrowie.

>>51747429

Got it working eight minutes before it was due, and just submitted it incomplete and completely unreferenced. Still got a credit.

But the computer still works.

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>>51826347
What the fuck
No, but seriously what the fuck?

>>51743143
The person is just as much a fucking retard as the Roman guy.

What a faggot lol.

>>51800495
Murderhobos deserve every bit of suffering they get.

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>>51826347
>mpreg

>>51826711
t. Roman

>>51827067
You're an idiot.

lol.

>>51827116
> Reddit spacing
Hmmm. Really makes you think.

>>51827134
Ok buddy. I'm going to stop responding because you're obviously a retard.

Have a good one.

>>51827134
>making the post more readable is reddit now
wew lad

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>>51827134
>getting mad because someone double-spaces between lines of text

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>>51799778
>You see a meteor.
Good god this is gonna be beautiful.

>>51799778
>that final plot twist

Reminds me of this kid in high school that once asked me to be cameraman for a movie he wanted to make. I asked to see a script and it was literally a self-insert Pokemon thing where he turns in to a Lucario and then turns the girl he loves in to a Lucario. I never mentioned it again and, thankfully, neither did he.

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can't believe this hasn't been posted yet.

>>51827768
because this isn't /v/, and while hilarious isn't really a /tg/ greentext or story.

>>51827848
oh fuck off its totally /tg/ related.

>>51827905
You say that but it's literally got /v/ in the picture. and it's all some minor writefaggotry based on a picture of a kickstarter video game, it's not /tg/ related, I don't care that it isn't, I was just telling you why it hadn't been posted by somebody else you asshole

>>51827974
Futurama? This sounds like it.....

>>51827988
>it says /v/ therefor the humour cannot possibly apply to sci fi related /tg/ games.

>>51828045
I have no idea what you are talking about, there is no way that it could be futurama related.

Just a couple of people playin rogue trader.

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>>51828100
You're lying those players were making the Planet Express crew in Rogue Trader so very, very, Futurama related.
>>51828056
No, it's a screencap of a /v/ideo games thread, that makes it not /tg/ related. I said I don't care that it isn't, I'm not a Mod or OP or a Janitor, It's funny but the reason it wasn't posted before, which is what you asked, is because it's NOT /tg/ related. It's not about a tabletop or traditional game. Yeah it's got themes that can but do not necessarily apply to /tg/ related things but that does not make it /tg/ related.

>>51828623
Once again, you are cray cray. You think people would just do that? Be silly? In 40k?

>>51828753
Yeah, I do think that, because that's 95% of what people do in 40k.

Btw I'm not the anon who asked if it was Futurama related, I'm somebody else entirely.

>>51828968
Good, because the last thing we need is more people thinking it's some Futurama thing.

Also not the cray cray anon. I'm way too serious.

>>51830094
But it is Futurama set in the 40k Universe.

>>51830230
It's like you didn't even read the greentext.

>>51830324
>>51830324
I assure you I did, friend.

>>51830416
and yet you still think it's to do with futurama?

>>51823283

And yet that would still be preferable to how things are at the present.

>>51831148
No I think it's a fake story about a GM who had player who all made Expy's of characters from Futurama, in Rogue Trader.

>>51826347

Man Harry Potter fan fiction has become something as of late.

>>51831204
where are you getting futurama out of this pasta? None of it has anything to do with it...you seem to be really desperately reaching, missing a joke that's not there.

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>>51826347
>WARNINGS:
>heterosexuality

>>51831230
Which Pasta are you referring to you?

>>51831259
nothing in that rogue trader pasta has anything to do with futurama. I don't understand your insistence.

>>51804804
And it's been immortalized.

>>51762954
I wonder if he did eventually use that cat again.

>>51767054
Wizard Wrestling Entertainment.

>>51831259

>>51827974

Enjoy this story about a That Guy dm who is unreasonably pissed off because the players tried to have more initiative in his campaign then he wanted.

>>51831312
Yeah Dude, I get the story is about a That DM, but his players all made Expies of First to Last: Phillip J Fry, Turanga Leela, Bender, Hubert Farnsworth, Dr, Zoidberg, Amy Wong, And Hermes Conrad. I don't know how you didn't see that, or if you're just being purposely dense, but the joke is that his whole group is doing this just to fuck with him.

>>51831726
I don't know man, that feels like kind of a stretch. I mean, why would someone go through all that trouble of making all these things up, especially when he might have just found the story of all of his friend's completely unrelated to Futurama's backstories and felt like telling /tg/. It feels like you're getting too involved in this.

I'm not even that other anon, that just seems a bit silly though.

>>51831726
Dude let it go. You are talking crazy.

If you squint it may be American dad but that's about it.

BAKA all these fuckin trolls take people's oc's and go "lol you ripped off X series". Let people be original.

>>51746951
>a chest
very different from a plank or a cement block. I doubt 90% of the world's population could break a chest without injuring themselves. 10% are strongmen that could just pick it up and hurl it against the wall until it busted

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>>51831726
Man, you're full of it
I don't see anything like that.
Sometimes, you just see patterns where there aren't any
So you need to calm down
If you don't, you'll just stay angry
Now, let's talk about what a joke is
Give me a moment, and I'll break it down.

This is how it works:
He posted a picture of players being too creative
Even though that's generally what's looked for.

Judge it if you like, but the DM got mad at that.
Or perhaps, He didn't know how to write for that group.
Keeping in theme with background can be difficult sometimes
Even experienced GMs can get thrown off by player choice

Now read the first letters of my post.

>>51831781
The thing that should tip both of you off is "Good news, everyone!".
>>51831795
Pssht not American Dad!
>>51831803
Dude, I didn't miss the Joke, I'm just fucking with all of ya for the Lulz, a lot of your responses are funny and i'm not stupid enough to think that all of you can't see what that screencap is about.

>>51748429
>My family owns a castle and town in Germany
>I need to purchase it back from Germany before I can start selling nonexistent titles
>I'm Jewish
>they pay Jews to live in Germany
>Could I use that as leverage in my claim?

Screencap this post and show it to them. Nobody will second guess your Jewishness

>>51831857
>giving the joke away before a good punchline is reached
god damn it anon, and I thought we had something solid going here. We could have had a good rapport going for at least another 10 posts, with me still disbelieving you and you making wilder claims that were true but appeared incredulous to my eyes. we could have finished off with some funny fucking punchline after all that interactions like 'eh I'm more of a simpsons guy anyway, maybe someone could make a dark heresy group that's just the simpsons' and you could have metaphorically thrown your fucking hands up and washed them of the whole affair.

Seriously, how do you blow this fucking comedy routine. Does Abbot wink to the crowd and let everyone know its just a joke in the middle of a routine? Does Seth Rogen admit that he actually doesn't like weed that much and just plays it up because he knows his audience? Does Jeff Dunham admit his dolls are fucking creepy and he wishes that his non ventriloquist routines had taken off better? fuck no they don't, because that kills the bit. And if I can't get dedication to the bit from some random shmuck off the internet, there's not fucking hope of getting it anywhere anymore. I'll fucking water the tree of misanthropy that you have helped plant today so someday I can hang myself from it and be gone from a world that would have the audacity to allow a bit dropping motherfucker like you to still live in it.

>>51766930
>seduce enemy's tag team partner into joining your team after sparing their career
Is your GM McMahon?

>>51831726

I think it's time to take a break Anon, were getting a bit worried about you.

>>51831960
Hey dont blame him, he was just milking the jokes out.

>>51831803
He spoiled it.

>>51831991
or did I?

>>51831857
No no hear me out.

Johns aquatic. you know who else is aquatic? That fish guy.

Amelia is playing a high charisma character and is short. You know who also is? That alien with the wigs.

The athlete? The blond hair chick.

Philip who plays a instrument? What better instrument then FREEDOM? Like that guy with the chin.

And the old man? What is more clear then that weed chick? Weighed down by the sins of communism?

And the one eyed chick. That's obviously the nerds fat friend. I dont even have to explain why.

Honestly its so obvious. Watch adult swim once in your life and you'd figure it out.

>>51831991
BUT HE WAS THE ONLY FUCKING STRAIGHT MAN. We had motherfuckers lining up to be dummies, all he had to do was keep playing straight and trying to explain another joke. You ignore the hecklers, its what you do in the retarded internet comedy business, its the only shit you can do in a world where there's only anons and dumbass tripfags. you're right that a heckler tried to heckle, but we could have had a good hour long internet yelling match over this shit with him spiraling it off and he had to go and wink to the camera because its so fun.

I try to work with these newer kids, I try and try as hard as I can. Lord knows I wasn't prepared properly. I didn't get a good yelling to 'lurk more' or 'read the thread you fucker'. I hopped in and did my best, and a young guy not even a year into /tg/ just goes and gives away the fucking joke. I don't know what to even do anymore, I really don't. Maybe I should just go to reddit. its where everything else goes to die, I might as well join the joke there and we can both die properly. Maybe there I can find a skull that's had everything fall off it and I can get a good straight man there. Lord knows I won't find one here.

>>51832057
You may want to take that boil down to simmer you are taking your keks awfully seriously.

>>51832105
Perhaps the real kek is friendship.

>>51832105
I'm taking my keks awfully seriously? Taking my keks seriously is the only thing I've got left! I spent four years in funny school motherfucker, this is the only place I got that'll take the keks I'm offering. you think this shit flies on tumblr? on fucking instagram? they don't want verbal fucking comedy, they want stupid gifs and wordplay. fucking wordplay!

Maybe you're right though. Maybe I'm being too hard on the new guy. Ain't fair to him, he ain't had to try and make a funny out of retarded shit lately. I might be a little on edge. Tell ya what, lets just work through an old classic. Always makes me smile, first joke I ever taught my kid. You willing to do a knock knock joke with me anon? Calm me right down with a good one? I'll be trusting you to do the punchline, think you can handle it?

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>>51832150
>you think this shit flies on tumblr?

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>>51832180