DND Stories

>>51686317
>kills random person
>funds out they had experiences
No shit?

>be playing dnd 3.5
>playing goblin wizard - name myself Sundance
>friend is playing half-fiend human fighter
>we don't understand how level adjustments work so he starts out 4 levels lower than me
>mfw I'm a level 7 wizard and he's a level 3 fighter
>DM warned us ahead of time he "wouldn't be pulling any punches" this game
---
>in a dungeon randomly generated with an online thing and fine tuned a little by DM
>lots of undead, nothing too terrible
>has one large undead something-or-other wandering the dungeon, we've been avoiding it the whole time
>finally realize it's blocking the way forward, the only way to advance is to kill it or sneak past
>we have no stealth; I prepared invisibility and already used it once today
>fail to identify monster with a knowledge check
>"Meh. It's not that big. We can take it."
>"corner" it in a room too small for it to manuver in
>fighter charges in
>I stay in the hallway since it can't fit through the doorway; plan to pelt it with spells n shit
>we both roll crap on initiative; it goes first
>round 1 it misses fighter
>fighter hits it easily, it doesn't seem to have damage reduction
>hit it with lightning bolt, doesn't make its save, doesn't seem to resist that energy type
>round 2 it hits fighter
>does over half fighter's HP in damage
>what
>DM pauses to re-read something from the book
>"Improved Grab. To use this ability, a gray render must hit with its bite attack. It can then attempt to start a grapple as a free action without provoking an attack of opportunity.
>Succeeds grapple check
>"Rend. A gray render that wins a grapple check after a successful bite attack establishes a hold, latching onto the opponent’s body and tearing the flesh. This attack automatically deals 2d6+9 points of damage."
>Fighter is torn in half
>Literally TORN IN FUCKING HALF and dies instantly
>run in, grab what I can of the body, D-Door the fuck out of there

>>51688235
>rezzed fighter, gained a couple levels
>added a party member, human rogue with "shadow creature" template
>guy playing rogue is a little derpy, we helped him make his character and it ended up kinda powergamer-ey
>crits on 15 or higher, and gets sneak attack damage whenever he crits
---
>new dungeon
>killing trolls with fire
>find a ring of three wishes, one wish left
>holy shit we need to save this
>cleared out ground floor, descend to basement
>it's partly flooded
>mfw the water is waist-high for a human and I'm a goblin
>use overland flight all the time anyway, fuck walking I'm a wizard
>come to an alcove with a chest in the middle
>two trolls badly hiding, guarding it
>"They have no room to maneuver. We can take them."
>fighter goes first, charges, hits like a motherfucker
>they go next, immediately move to flank fighter
>fighter is down to like 1/4 health in 1 turn
>fuck. This is my fault, isn't it?
>I have to fly around the corner to have line of effect to the alcove
>I forget they have reach, I'm in a threatened square, spell provokes attack of opportunity
>troll catches me with a backhand swing and plasters me against the ceiling
>mfw I'm at -3 HP
>rogue doesn't want to move in, afraid of getting hit
>fighter continues to beat on the trolls, one of the trolls is nearly dead
>the trolls beat the fuck out of the fighter, he's dead again
>my turn
>mfw the room is flooded and I'm unconscious, face-down in the water
>DM says I drown
>fucking shitball cuntnugget that's not how drowning works
>party remembers that the rogue has the ring
>"Can I use it to escape?"
>"Yes, or you could BRING ONE OF US BACK TO LIFE!"
>he rezzes me
>mfw I'm facedown in the water with two trolls within beat-the-fuck-outta-me range
>stealthily swim backwards, then get out of the water
>fill the alcove with fireballs, finish off both trolls
>"Stick the fighter in your bag of holding. Write down 'Kalin's corpse' in your inventory so we don't forget."
>it won't be the last time

>>51688249
>we find a deck of many things and the end of a session
>going to decide what to do with it at the start of next session
>mfw my character doesn't like unpredictable magic and I don't like artifacts that can banish my psyche to an extraplanar prison for all eternity
>fighter draws 2 cards
>rogue draws 3 cards
>there is no way in fuck I am touching that thing
>fighter and rogue both gain a level, rogue also gains a small keep and a loyal knight, fighter loses 1d4+1 intellignece, rogues gets money
>"c'mon man it'll be fun, whats the worst thing that can happen?"
>mfw the worst thing that can happen is literally one of the worst things that can happen period
>finally succumb to peer pressure and draw 4 cards
>"Flames - Emnity between you and an outsider."
>"Balance - Change alignment instantly"
>"Moon - You are granted 1d4 Wishes"
>"Sun - Gain a beneficial medium wondrus item and 50,000 xp"
>mfw 50k xp is enough for five fucking levels
>"...huh."
>the party now has two level 9's, a level 4 cohort, and a level 13 fucking wizard
>also said wizard has changed from neutral to evil, and has some Wishes to burn
>we stop the session to level up and chose what to do with the Wishes
---
>New spell
>Cacophonic Burst: 20ft radius burst, 1d6 sonic damage per level
>take feats so Empower Spell is cheaper to use
>New battle plan: spam 1.5x(13d6) Sonic damage at everything until it dies
>what can possibly go wrong

>>51688265
>yet another dungeon
>come to a locked door, we hear bad guys inside
>decide it's a bad idea to pick the door, they'll hear us coming
>we can see through the keyhole, looks like the other side of the door is safe
>somehow we decide the best option is for me to teleport to the other side, then either blow everybody up, blow the door open from the inside, or some combination of both, then the other two will charge in
>what could possibly go wrong
>cast invisibility on myself, then dimension door through
>still using overland flight all the time because walking is for mortals
>somehow set off poison dart trap when I appear
>fail fortitude save, paralyzed, can't even speak
>mfw I'm invisible, flying via magic, and can't move or talk
>fly up to the ceiling so I'm at least clear of the fighting
>other two party members get tired of waiting, crash through the door
>fighter is immune to poison, rogue evades darts
>they see no sign of me, have no clue what happened
>mfw I'll be over here guys
>bunch of drow or something, one motherfucker dual weilding bigass swords
>it's like 6 on 2, the fight drags on for long enough that I'm regaining the feeling in my extremities
>the fighter dies again
>for fuck's sake man
>rogue somehow manages to hide
>there's two bad guys left, just the big guy with the swords and one flunkie
>I think I have enough movement back to cast spells at least
>fuck this shit, time for everything to die
>empowered cacophonic burst
>invisibility dispelled, flunkie dies, big guy charges at me
>hits me a bunch, fucking ow
>I'm level 13, even as a wizard I have simply too many hit points
>fuck casting defensively, I don't want to risk losing a spell
>fly away from him, take more damage. Doesn't matter, there is no way he can kill me faster than I can kill him
>empowered cacophonic burst
>he charges at me, hits me again
>repeat runaway.exe
>empowered fireball
>he dies
>"I guess the fighter goes into the bag of holding again."

File: strike team solar flare.png (144KB, 800x400px) Image search: [Google]

144KB, 800x400px

>other party members have leveled up some, I haven't because I'm still overpowered
>a chunk of Waterdeep gets overrun with some kind of zombie outbreak
>the whole area is quarantined
>the macguffin is inside the quarantine zone
>we had nothing to do with this, I swear
>go to a nearby temple to ask if we can help
>mfw it's a temple of Pelor and a half fiend, a goblin, and a shadow roll up and offer to help a bunch of LG clerics and paladins with their problems
>the looks on their fucking faces
>"Seriously though, we just want to get into the quarantine zone. We're not even asking for a way out. We'll fix this, since you can't."
>the clerics basically tell us that if we want to go get ourselves killed, we're welcome to do so
>somehow in our heads this gets turned around as us being hired by the temple of pelor
>"We're on a mission from god!"
>get to the perimeter of the quarantine zone
>"Who are you and what are you doing here?"
>think up a name for our party on the spot
>"We are Strike Team Solar Flare, and we're here to save the city!"
A couple days later, I made pic related.

>>51687582
>kills random person
>magical voice from the sky tells you about their tragic backstory

>>51688315
>later
>in the mountains, befriend a tribe of giants
>the macguffin we're after is known to be in a castle that they used to occupy, which is now controlled by "the dark one"
>based on their description it's some kind of huge shadow giant thing
>convince the tribe to attack the castle, drawing out the warriors inside
>then I'll blow up the bridge so they can't pull back into the castle
>the three of us will then attack from the air
>empowered cacophonic burst x3 on the big stone bridge
>ogre mages out of fucking nowhere
>one cone of cold nearly kills me
>I used up my signature spell, have to resort to meager fire and lightning
>there's like three of them
>me, fighter, and rogue manage to kill them while flying, partly thanks to all the buffs I threw onto them
>see huge black thing standing on a parapet of the tower
>it's like thirty feet tall and I fail knowledge check; that can't be good
>stare at it, trying to figure out what it is
>it raises an arm and points dramatically at me
>DM: "Fortitude save."
>Me: "For what?"
>DM: "Just roll."
>mfw it cast Finger of Death
>mfw I roll like 4
>mfw I die instantly
>mfw there is no face, I am Sundance, leader of Strike Team Solar Flare, Goblin Wizard of Waterdeep, and I died in the middle of a battle we were winning because I rolled poorly vs a spell that's only usable once per day anyway
>Fighter and Rogue fly down to fight it
>it has a paralyzing gaze attack, which the fighter saves against
>wait a minute
>didn't one of my spells buff his saving throws?
>oh fuck, I was giving him +6
>dm says that when I died, my magic is dismissed (this was established in previous sessions)
>without the +6, Fighter fails the save instead
>mfw the Nightwalker casually walks over
>picks up Fighter's awesome sword "Lawbreaker" and obliterates it
>coup de graces the helpless fighter
>Rogue sees all of this and remembers he can planeshift to the plane of shadow 1/day
>He does so
And that was where the campaign ended. RIP, Sundance.

>>51686317
Did you think murder was a game anon?

>>51686317
Nice story, the only real one I got thats different then most would expect is the following.

>Play D&D 3.5 with group of friends.
>We, as friends are beginning to have some real life problems, and this leads to the two best friends to get into fist fight, luckily its broken up before it gets bad.
>Of course this bleeds over into the game, and after we killed some Drow priestess she drops a magical ring, this causes the entire party to auger over it (all are CN to CE with one CG(Mormons man).
>Our Barbarian(one of the best friends) decides he will take the ring, the other best friend, a paladin decides its his(Mormon if you couldn't guess).
>My friend decides this is funny, and so as a monk of the (closed fist?) path decides to snag the ring, so now the party is about to kill each other, so I, decide to intervene.
>Enter the way of he who hates himself, hates himself so much, he rips off his own flesh to be different, AKA the Pale Master.
>Barbarian goes berserk on the Paladin, who is using his paladin magic to really fuck over said barbarian(while in the real world, are trash talking each other, the paladin tells the barbarian that he is a baby killer, as he(IRL) was in the army, so now the shit really hits the fan, as the monk tries to paralyze the paladin, and misses(3 damn times).
>I enter the fray, pull back my cloak, and reveal myself in all of my glory(I was fucking tricked out with undead body parts, more undead then human).
>I use my specialty, my Pale Master skeletal arm to do a paralyze touch, and it, like the monk, misses.
>Now the Barbarian is attacking me, and gets a good cleave in, so I now fucking had it, as the Monk also attacked me, so game time is fucking over.
>DEATH TOUCH MOTHER FUCKERS! With one touch my hand will turn you into a zombie, and make you, MY FUCKING BITCH!
>I roll a 1, and then another 1...
>Tha fuck when I touch myself, and this time something bad DID happen.
Cont-

>>51688775
>I become a zombie, but since I already have replaced every part of my body(in the 90's%) with something undead, I basically just became a Lich, without the phylactery.
>DM is sadden it happened, as he knew I was only trying to help, till I was pulled in, into a life and death moment, but well, rules are rules.
>Paladin is horrified of me, Barbarian thinks its funny, then gets pissed at it happening, and then is just scared to party with me, Monk is still crying about all his failed rolls, but in time decides its weird to party with a zomblich.
>I as the Zomblich become very close to my god, Evening Glory(may she rule forever), and right before our adventure ended for good(ill always miss it) was allowed to court Evening Glory, as the DM decided I did much for her in my life, and thus was deserving of demigod status.
>As for the other three, Paladin became a Death Knight, then raged a week after he went to Church(IRL) about it, and wanted to undo the change, Barbarian just dranked more(IRL) and raged about everything, and the Monk committed suicide to restart as a thief.

Thus did our journey come to a end, but not before I turned the thief into a zombie slave of mine, why you might ask? He thought it funny to steal my phylactery, yes you read that right, my phylactery, no it did not work, I was just envious, as I have always wanted to achieve Lichdom in D&D, and even after a decade of playing it, never managed it(game always stops before then). Thus I had one just to make believe I had finally reached my goal. He raged quieted after he was turned into a zombie.

The End.