How much damage should weilding a fish do in 5e?

As someone who threw a fish at an orc in a 5e campaign, 1d4. I got the kill

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>>51670159

>>51670159

1d4
If it's big enough, and you don't mind cribbing from 4e, 1d8 for a two-handed fish.

/me slaps Beholder around a bit with a large trout

1d4 annoying as fuck damage
1d4 BEEEP BEEEEP damage

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330 Ice damage

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>>51670159
1d6
finesse
advantage on attack rolls vs. skeletons

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>>51670288
This guy gets it.

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The same as the axe or the greataxe, I suppose.
After all, you must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... WITH THIS HERRING!

>>51670878
That's not Carlos. That's not even funny anymore. And you even misquoted it.

Jesus, man. Get your shit together.

>>51670159
1d4 damage if wielded in one hand. For a larger fish (say a fully-grown salmon) you could wield it in both hands for 1d6 damage.

The rules on improvised weapons are pretty clear.

>>51671222
This.

Hilariously, in pathfinder, a rogue using a fish as an improved weapon can get free sneak attacks all the time. If you could convince your DM to let you enchant the fish, you could easily take this tech to 20th level.

>>51671289
You've got a low bar for "hilarious".

>>51671209
I guess Carlos carlost

>>51671304
See, THAT'S when Carlos is appropriate.

>>51671327

I saw a moment, and someone had to teach him.

>>51670878
What was even your end goal here, man? Did you think it was funny to repeat a joke that we've all heard ten thousand times and which was only funny because of its unexpectedness and comic timing? Do you just love Monty Python and thought the best way to honor the group notable for absurd, outside-the-box, innovative comedy would be by using a joke from a 42-year-old movie everyone has seen? Or did you forget that movie references only get you nerd cred when they're original in some way or when they're to something more obscure than the most mainstream "cult classic" in history?

God, this is such a mess of a non-joke it's actually making me upset.

>>51671518
Are you autistic?

Depends on the fish. It's gonna hurt you a lot more if I whacked you with a salmon than if I tossed a bunch of anchovies at you.
That's the trout of it.

I hear you can ward most fish off with a cupcake of sorriness.

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And now, for something completely different...
(the correct way to use the fish as a weapon with monty python gag.)

I had no idea fish warfare was so complex.

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>>51670288

>>51670159
Depends on how big the fish is
and if it's an animal companion or just some random fish
Using your animal companion reef shark to slap the shit out of someone would probably do some good damage

How much damage should a dolphin do in pathfinder?

>>51675754
>How much damage should a dolphin do in pathfinder?
Is it an improvised weapon, or is wielded on porpoise?

>>51674649
>Using your animal companion reef shark to slap the shit out of someone would probably do some good damage
Better lamprey they don't think if it.

>>51671625
>Are you autistic?
They tried to see if anon was on the spectrum, turns out he's on the shallow end of the scale.

>>51671355
>I saw a moment, and someone had to teach him.
Noble and we'll done.
Here I had thought you h as just done it for halibut.