Galactic Federation Meeting

>>51544346
Do you want some bird seed?

>>51544372
Bird Seed, why no! I would prefer some T'riksi Bacon, but you don't have any. I would like to try that cake over there

>>51544346
This thread was vaguely amusing yesterday, there is no need to repeat it.

>>51544372
Oh wait, I'm a daft idiot. You said that to spite me didn't you.

>>51544346
Piss off before we purge you, Xeno scum.

>>51544432
We have a expiditionary force of over 2300 Vessels and 20,000 troops.

>>51544432
You piss off befoer the might of the battlfleet glasses your worlds.

>>51544346
>Monarchy
Ok so how about we seize your means of production, execute the royal family, and then be friends?

>>51544615
Erm. No. Hmph. Try getting through the death guard and the Palace Centurions.

>>51544639
Just wait until I let hear your people about communism and the Marx guy. First time it happened here was absolutely amazing.

>>51544423
No, really, we have some bird seed and some nice perches as well. Are you sure you don't want any?

>>51544346
How're your sectors?

>>51544668
Oh. You mean the despotic old empires. We are not that, the people, including xenos are treated fairly. We have a council of Barons, Dukes, and Counts. Xenos are at the same level as us. The council works with the king.

>>51544679
You mean fiefs? Yes, they are fine,

>>51544710
Are you sure?

>>51544693
But does the worker keep the fruits of his labor?

>>51544738
The worker is paid fsirly. Serfdom was abolished in 999 XA, after Earl Marxes Rebellion.

>>51544758
>The worker is paid fsirly.
Yes that calls for a revolution.

>>51544723
Yes. Each is ruled by a Duke/Baron/count, has some autonomy, living standards are high, workers are at efficinacy, etc.

>>51544796
So they aren't producing nothing but energy while they're starving to death?

>>51544791
Revolution?! What in blazes! You can take a look throughout the core worlds! Yes, there is poverty, but what can we do? The govt. can't help everyone, and at least we allow individual freedom, unlike you authoritarian scum.

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>>51544346
The Chiirim Hive in present. The Hive will acknowledge the aliens from another galaxy, but requests they do not enter The Hive's borders. The God-Queen of The Hive demands no non-Chiirim enter The Hive's borders.

>>51544844
No, food is abundant, no famines. Also, there are minerals, abundant jobs, a new economy, and free schooling.

>>51544859
Ah, yes. Do you wish to allow a convoy to visit for a non-aggression pact? We are willing to enter a partnership, especially one of trade.
Himinis Tam, Chiirim.

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>>51544346
>>51544859
EXTERMINATE!

>>51544791
What gives you enough time for a revolution! You can visit to see for yourself.

>>51544951
AHHHHHH! WHAT THE HELL!
>PULLS OUT AUTO-GAUSS PISTOL AND SIGNALS GUARDS
SHOOT IT! KRIPEI! TORO!

>>51544945
The Hive welcomes trade, so long as outsiders do not enter The Hive's borders. The Hive keeps "neutral zones" outside its' borders for the purposes of diplomatic meetings and trade.

>>51544859
We are willing to provide you military support, but expect delays.

>>51545000
Okay then. But, if you allow passage through this sector, we could lend in minerals and some ships.

>>51544859
It is a pleasure to meet you, everone else is a xenophobe, communists, or crazy stagnant empires.

>>51544978
FIREPOWER INSUFFICIENT.

YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!

(Fires shots)

DALEKS ARE SUPREME!

>>51545007
It is appreciated.

>>51545035
The Hive can not. Ever since passage through The Hive's borders was used to launch simultaneous strikes against The Hive's wormhole network the God-Queen has declared not non-Chirrim are allowed within The Hive's borders.

>>51545064
The Hive is pleased to greet other sapient species, but must protect The Hive and all Castes within.

>>51545119
Yes. Can any other empires introduce us to them.

>>51545091
FUCK! GET TO THE SHUTTLE! GIVE ME SOME BOMBERS. IF WE CAN'T SHOOT'EM, WE'LL BLOW 'EM UP.

>>51545119
>Castes
Excuse me, repeat again. Did you say a caste system? Can you explain.

>>51544951
What even are you?

>>51545352
The Chiirim of The Hive are an Arthropod species, what other species have been known to refer to as "insects" or "bugs". The Chiirim exist in a Hive-mind ruled by the God-Queen, and have several birth-castes. Workers are stronger and dumber than other castes, as an example. The Hive has enhanced this natural feature with genetic engineering, producing Worker-Caste who are far stronger than ever before, as are the Soldier Caste.

>>51545301
ELEVATE.

EXTERMNATE ALL LIFE FORMS BELOW.

EXTERMINATE!

>>51545439
Proles? I am sorry for my original outburst, as we have had bad experiences with caste-ism in our past.

>>51544346
FUCK OFF WE'RE FULL

>>51545440
Nothing that a mass driver cant handle
>FIRE OFF THE HEAVY TELDARITE INFUSED ROUNDS.

>>51545406
WE ARE THE DALEKS!

WE HAVE EXTERMINATED MANY INFERIOR SPECIES BEFORE YOURS.

WE MUST EXTERMINATE ALL LESSER SPECIES!

>>51545475
It is a natural part of The Hive's physiology and psychology, not oppression of members of The Hive's individual lives. Back when The Hive welcomed other species within its' borders none were ever "enslaved", as they are not part of the Chiirim and thus do not fall into any Caste.

>>51545439
We are creatures who are avians, or birds as you might call it. We are ruled in a monarchy by our benevolent empire. We encmopass 200 worlds, discounting the orbitals and outposts. Individualism is there, we do not have castes. Everyone is free, no slavery.

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(Eerie silence)

>>51545494
EXTERMINATE THIS!
>A massive tungsten shell hurls towards you at 3/km per second. You only wait until upi are obliterated.

>>51545593
.....................................................................................

>>51545627
https://youtu.be/0v2l4vw9nzI

>>51545679
Hahahaha, really love the doctor who reference.

>>51545523
We are ruled in a feudalistic system of monarchy. Our emperor is Kinrotos XVI.

>>51544791
Who are you?

bump
bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump.

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Orewa o chin chin.
(What up realm 6.2 motherfuckers!)

>>51545929
I'm Batman

>>51546047
What?
(O shit it's filthy frank.chin-chin love this guy.).

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>>incoming transmission:

//start transcript

{AS I ADDRESS YOU NOW MY LEGIONS OF [transcription error] HAVE TUNNELED THROUGH YOUR WORMHOLE AND WILL DESCEND UPON YOUR INFERIOR [transcription error] WORLDS. THE GREAT PUTRECENCE OF THE HELIOPHAGE WILL RAVAGE YOUR BOUNTIES. LEARN MY FACE [transcription error] FOR I AM YOUR UNDOING}

//transcript end

>>51546047
Biometric scans.
That is peculiar! You are humanoid mammal, but you show reptilltian features.

>>51546197
GODAMMIT! GET ME COMMAND,NOW! SEND OUR FLEET TO INTERCEPT. BRING A CONTIGENT OF MEN TO HELP!

This meeting does not appear particularly organized.

>>51546197
What's that? We are being boarded! Fuck!

>>51546252

>>incoming transmission:

//start transcript

{WE ARE ALREADY HERE. [inaudible/ transcription error]}

//transcript end

>>51546280
Yes, We wanted to, but due to external threats the meeting is in dissarray, especially due to this threat!
>>51546197

>>51546299
Well, that leads to fief pinoss. You'll be obliderated by mass drivers.

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>>51546288

>>incoming transmission:

//start transcript

{THIS VESSEL IS MINE AND YOUR CREW ARE NAUGHT BUT MEAT}

//end transcript

>>51546197
Warrior Caste vessels are already assaulting you within The Hive's borders.
You made a mistake, The Hive's wormholes are heavily protected.

>>51546348
Eat this
>Throws grenade
Move forward, charge! TAKE 'EM DOWN!

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>>51546361

>>incoming transmission:

//start transcript

{WE ARE THE WORM}

//end transcript

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Greetings Milky Way Galaxy, the Wibarian Trade Empire wishes to negotiate trade rights in hopes to build good relations between our native galaxy and yours.

However, seeing how the meeting has fallen into chaos, we will try again after forty seven Wiba moon eclipses (That's a week in Terran time).

The Trade Empire shall establish communications with the Milky Way Galaxy later!

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This is the most cringe-worthy thread I have ever seen in my nearly decade of time on this board.

>>51546484
You've clearly never visited the dead space aka jojos crossover fanfiction threads that somehow don't get pruned

>>51546396
We won't involve you in this! Why did you come here if it's a war zone! Get their ambassadors to safety.

>>51546484
Please, you are exaggerating beyond reason.
I could look through the catalog and easily find three that are just as bad or worse.

You should have said " This is the most cringe-worthy thread on the board today." Which, while a slight exaggeration is at least debatable.

>>51546484
Lol. Visit the in-charecter AMA's at r/asksciencefiction. Most of them are so cringe.

>>51546394
>AMBASSADOR! INCOMING! 20 FIGHTER SQUADRONS, AND 10 BOMBER SQUADRONS
GET THE ANTI-FIGHTER FLAK CANNONS ONLINE.

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https://youtu.be/cVsExUKkEoM
https://youtu.be/bLwE5yYIecs
Nothing to see here.

Here is a disintegrator ray.

Use with caution.

We called "dibs" on this planet.

After the war with the martians....

>>51546664

>>incoming transmission:

//start transcript

{FIGHTERS? THE HELIOPHAGE DO NOT BUILD STAR SHIPS.

WE BREED LEVIATHAN. ALL YOU KNOW WILL BE SWALLOWED BY THE WORM}

//transcript end

>>51546484
You've seen nothing yet.

>>51544417
Give me a link to that

>>51546745
LEVITHI- SHIT! GET ME THE ENERGY CANNONS! ARM ION, LOAD MASS DRIVERS!

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>Space-time anomaly detected

Good evening denizens of galaxy.. 561

This is Velsuf trading delegation here on behalf of the Jade Galactic Empire, here to open a port of jump between our stars and proceed with trade.

{Mild space artillary cannon sounds}

It would seem you have a worm problem. Mercenary services for worm extermination and other extragalactical threats are available for purchase from the empire.

Queen Amala De Sul sends her regards on behalf of the founder Velsuf and all species of the Jade galaxy.

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No one ever considers the lowly space janitors in all this space conflict, do they?

This is how you get strikes.

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Gallifrey rises!

Where... Where are we?

Oh look. a pest infestation.

>Uses the hand of omega to delete the worm from reality.

Anyone else?

>>51546884
The Hive is willing to purchase these mercenary services, for the other empires. The Hive are masters of Terraformation and will offer their services to the Velsuf

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What the fuck are you xenos doing in my galaxy?

>Its those bugs that eat everything my lord.

Then get the promethium-oxygen-hellfire compound and use it like bug spray.

>Yes my lord.

>>51547024
We request biological samples and access to your trade hubs. The expression of bio-diversity in this galaxy is of great interest to us and the further strengthening of our gene-warrios.

We appreciate the offer, however our home galaxy is already fully terriformed and thus undeeded.

Is this offer acceptable?

If so, please expect our expiditionary mercenery fleet to drop into your local space-time in approximately 5 days time.

>>51546992
We are hiring new staff. We do free dental (and general wellfare).

>>51547106
The Chiirim Hive does not eat everything. The Hive simply wishes to trade with others, and to be left alone.

>>51547127
Please direct your ships to the following trade-hubs, they are in the "Neutral Territories" that The Hive allows outsiders to enter.

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>>51544346
Why, hello there. I'm sure we will get along.

>>51547178
That does not explain your presence.

And (explosion)

Sorry hold on a minute.


(Daemonic screeching)
(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!)

Thank you sl- I mean master.

Anyway... What are you doing here?

My apologies to offending literal insects.

I meant that other insect species.

>>51547178
Excellent.

Question: why the detatched trade process?

>>51544346
Please kill us all.

It is the only way to save us from ourselves.

>>51547482
As has been explained before, The Hive has previously let outsiders into The Hive's borders. They used this to simultaneously attack all of The Hive's wormhole generators, crippling The Hive's logistical capabilities.
Ever since the God-Queen has decreed no outsiders within The Hive's borders.

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>>51544346
I am kairos.

vizier of lord tzeentch.

ask any question but beware.

for one head speaks the truth.

and the other lies.

>>51547563
We could just give you dimensional wormhole generator tech, bypassing the need for gateways.

>>51547563
I CATO SICARIUS! of the famed second company.

Bring a gift to the xenos from Beautiful macragge!

Aaaaaand the 40kids are here to ruin everything gg everyone better luck next time

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There is only one Emperor, and his name is Sheev.

>>51547752
We Ploraxians have heard about your imperium, and have decreed it is a threat to our interests. We may issue a formal decleration of war.

>>51546884
Velsuf, you are a proud warrior class. The Ploraxians approve. We are sending a delegation to negotiate.

>>51547898
There are multiple emperors. We have decided to abstain from contact with your empire.

>>51547594
Ah, yes. Fellow avians! A sore sight in this new galaxy. We are wary of you "chaos" individuals.

>>51547106
The Emperor Of Mankind. Yes, pretend to be a god. This is not your galaxy. Imperial Ploraxia is here to liberate the natives from your oppressive rule. You let millions die. Your no god, our emperor is more benevolent than you.

>>51546884
HALT FIRE! WE ARE HERE ON A MISSION OF PEACE, NOT WAR! I REPEAT, STOP SHOOTING!

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H̭̦̩͓e̪͢l͡l̩͍̹̦̣͜o̯̞̞ͅ ̛̟͉̱̝t̪͍̀ḩḛ͙r̠͚é̺̗̖̹͇͔̝.̬̞̭̗

>>51549885
Who the...
PHOTONIC LIFEFORMS!

>>51549885
This...This... The Non-Carbon theory has proof! Send this data to Ploraxia, Immediately!

>>51547178
Chiirim, we must combat the Imperium at large, the major threat.

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UUUUURP MOrty, do you see what happens when you let these Galactic Federation fuckers in?
They start inviting more and more fuUUuUcktards to their evening meetings and then slip a bit of thylopyrogonium in their drinks while they don't look. So everyone votes for the new spaceway on planets they don't like.
I'm personally here to take a few of the snacks though, they're fantastic Morty. Reeeaaaal fantastic. You can hear them faintly screaming as they melt in your mouth.

...So, guys.
Peace among worlds, amirite?

>>51544457
the vessels are impressive the troops are not.
frankly anemic for an intergalactic empire.
reminds me of when the civ advises says "I saw the one unit the (x) have it looked scared and lonely"

>>51550086
What? They are equipped with top grade shields, railguns, energy weapons. Each has sufficent rations and medical supplies.

>>51550049
Galaxies. Human, your kind are well known among us.

>>51550086
The troops are equipped with all sorts of armour, the TX-25 Main, TX-30 Heavy, FR-50 Flamer tank, TR-900 APC, and the JOT-2345 Self Propelling artillery piece.

>>51550173
Bet your mom said -UURRRP- that.
And the Hive's mom, too. Not that I'm interested, but I had needs for a sample of their ripr-reprod-rip- I mean their bug-ovaries. They are crazy-bumping with all that hive repopulation since I left that can of bugspray in their communal quarters or whatnot.

>>51550269
Hahahahahah, Human. You make me laugh. We believe the research facilities at Orsterp and Ploraxia could use a scientist like you.

>>51550269
Are you drunk? Well, take this pill...

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>>51546348
>>51546197
>>51546299

>mfw

kys endless rejects

>>51550467
Endless? Could you inform us more?

>>51550309
Sorry, I'm a freelance. Besides, >>51550366
are already trying to sneak a Borbulan Seed in my digestive tract. As if I hadn't seen the trick a bazillion times.

Come, Morty, I-I-i gotta go take a dump on the Cosmic Council of Eternity while they discuUurss how to reopen the time police. Lost a bet to Bird Person and I can't do it alone, I need someone to hold my pants.

See you losers on the intergalactic news

>>51550562
Alright
>Hands Fine Or'tressa whiskey.
It's good.

>>51547594
....Are you a Genestealer..?

OK GUYS, I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME TO EXPLAIN, I NEED A NUMBERED "FOLLOW ME" LIST/GUIDE ON HOW TO CONTAIN HYPERAGRESSIVE ALIENS, BECAUSE I'M STUPID LIKE THAT.

IT'S SOME HOMEBREWED SHIT AND I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHAT SHIT I HAVE AT HAND OR WHAT THE FUCK THE XENO IS, BUT JUST A GENERAL CHECKLIST WOULD BE GREAT, THANKS!

>>51550524
necrophages are weapons engineered by the concrete endless during the dust wars to fight the digital endless. they set them up on Auriga (which was basically a giant lab infused with a fuck tonne of dust in the shape of a planet). the necrophages either all die out, or they evolve into the cravers of endless space

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Conquest ain't free. The galaxy gotta be litterd with the blood of xenos. The Galactic Federation AKA "Vassals" is not my government. They are xenophiles and probably pacifists as well:DD. Militarism and xenophobia not pacifism and xenophelia ok. Respect my authority or else.

>>51551292
The Chiirim Hive is not Pacifist nor Xenophelic. The Hive is Collectivist/Spiritualist/Militarist.

>>51551413
Ok but you still have to respect my authority.

We have a lot of corvettes:DD

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Greetings from the Calyptan Combine!

Hug us or we'll stab you!

>>51550155
>>51550155
okay they are equipped well and their equipment exceeds most primitive cultures.
But that's a division of men, approximately 1/10th of common arm sizes sizes since modern war began here.
how do you expect to take and hold ground you don't plan on glassing from orbit?
That is the entire purpose of having ground forces i would assume. when you can simply glass things from orbit then foot troops are there to prevent that, for whatever reason because the surface items are valuable enough not to be stripped and blipped
also you guys are an empire which means, in approximate colonial interest would likely be a major goal so leaving occupational forces would be highly important and having so few men on hand could definitely slow any expansion you'd have if you found more lifeforms within this spiral arm.
I have no idea how you folks were so unprepared for this, you could definitely set up a garrison fleet no problemo, just leave a couple escorts here and be on your way but any resources you plan on exploiting on our lands would be rather hard to do when you are doing it without the consent of the governed and likely without the total consent of any collaborating government. soldiers could go missing on patrols, your equipment smashed by primitives and the like during transport without direct presence of your forces.
furthermore you could have found an advanced culture here and in the interests of conquest found yourself unable to take the ground of a planet whose people action would be rather high.
The long and the short of it is that you guys are not suited for this colonialism thing, at least on the planetary scale.
>flame tanks, sub orbital hand held kinetic rifles (you did say railguns)... heavy tanks (why? MBTs are fine and what you can't fit on them you can fit on ground support air craft)
The fuck are you trying to do here

>>51550467
virtually no one is going to get that reference
getit

>>51546484

You don't visit the board often now do you?

>>51544346
Have you seen a Miss 'Samus Aran' anywhere?

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>>51553804
kek

>>51551938
>Keeps hand on pistol
Okay, here's a hug....

>>51551413
We are Fanatic Militarist, and Xenophile.

>>51553804
That is only a division yes, but we have more at the homeworlds.

>>51553804
topkek. A battalion numbers at 50,000 men, an entire army 500,000 men. We just brung in a small division for any skirmishes.

>>51556335
Actually, that was a translation error. We are individualist.

a whole lot of shitty roleplaying and same fagging going on in this thread. Reminds me of the dumb shit I did when i was 12. <akes me wonder if there's some underage b&s in here or if the average IQ of /tg/s posters suddenly dropped a couple dozen points or so.

>>51556934
Ahem. I notice a lot of grammar mistakes in your post. Some things which a twelve year old wouldn't make. Now, who is the underage person in this thread.

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Meanwhile, moving on to the next topic in the agenda....

We've had rather disturbing reports coming from the Sol System of resident Humans engaging in artistic displays of social ineptitude on planetwide internet forums. While the Galactic Federation does not typically tend to comment on the freedom of expression within a particular civilization, we feel the situation is... exceedingly exceptional. Could a member of the human delegation please explain what exactly is "/tg/", and how such a monument to ignorance is still allowed by Human standards?

>>51558484
Entertainment, old chap. Entertainment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vv9G3I1FkuI

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>>51549885
S̞̘̹̟̠̤͔K̷R̡͍̩̬E̡̥͈̳̝̰E̠͚E̜̦̦̟̜͈̤E͎̘̟E͙̞̝̫E̤͔̫͘E͔̰͍E̜̩̖̹͇̹̙E̲̼̩͘E͈͕̭!

>>51559787
A message from our ambassador.
SKREEEEEEEEEE SOOK REEEEEEEEEEEEEE SKREEEEEEEEEEEE