Mages Guild: Gender Disparity Edition

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>>51464138
this is stupid

>>51464138
>Priscilla waves her hand, deploying a ethereally-sparkly desk at the front of the room.
Everyone make sure you bring all new admissions by me so I can add them to the records.
>She pulls out a stack of papers, thumps it onto her desk, and begins to impatiently tap her pen against it.

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>>51464185
I concur. Who gives a flying frag? Who even complained?

Is this actually a problem?
Because it doesn't seem that way...

Excuse me, that's racist! I didn't even have a boyfriend to break up with, just because my homeland is anti-magic you think that gives you the right to assume I had a boyfriend?

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>>51464138
I happen to think the female to male ratio is just right.

>>51464229
Thats because you're a lesbo!

>>51464185
You're stupid

>>51464244
Nice one
>Highfives the redrobe

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>>51464229
>Priscilla lifts up a paper, whacking a certain part with her pen.
See that? This guild was built with a certain ratio in mind. That ratio is currently reversed, meaning there aren't near enough bathrooms for all the women we have running around. At the same time, our enrollment needs to grow before we can expand. So we need more males.
Understand?

>>51464253
>Highfive
>>51464270
Expand like rabbits? How progressive of us.

>>51464270
Is needing to use the restroom still a problem we haven't removed? I haven't gone to the bathroom in 2 years.

>>51464270
uhh excuse me but who even are you?

>>51464308
No wonder you're so stuck up.
>Highfives self
>Someone kill him already

Uhm... I could go back in time to when we didn't have this problem, grab a copy of myself, then bring him here... would that help?

I used to be a man, does that count?

>>51464138

equality before equity lad

>>51464294
Yes, very. What's your point?

>>51464226
I believe the Archwizard's statement was an exaggeration. Perhaps you're so indignant because it's true?
I have your file right here, is there anything you'd like me to add?
>Priscilla smiles curtly at you, waiting.

>>51464308
It's more of an aesthetic thing.
>She eyes you up and down.
Dressing like that, you probably wouldn't understand.

>>51464319
I manage the Guild's front desk. I happen to be so fabulous at my job that none of you even know I'm there.

>>51464379
Wait that was supposed to be a joke, You were actually proposing it?

>>51464331
If you can make an argument for your past self being a member separate for yourself, I'll take it.

>>51464379
wow!
so uhh can i just like summon a bunch of peopel to join?

>>51464379
At least I don't dress like I'm confused about my gender.

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While you're on that, I can't find my creator so I was hoping maybe one of you could patch me up? I also can't find my left arm.

She looks kinda like this, by the way. Those are my older brothers next to her.

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>Glug, the sea-elf head of Oozemancy, walks in
>>51464226
I think the word you are looking for is prejudice.
Also, I think he was making an example.

But I would like more men around. Hard to make friends with most of the women around here.

>>51464398
Well, I, er, I suppose as long as we're not in the same room, they won't be able to tell, right?

>>51464453
Right, right, that.

What's wrong with most of the women?

>>51464379
Excuse you I just got my first boyfriend a few days ago!
>Eeps
>Covers her mouth

>>51464394
Well, we need to get more members, specifically males. How we go about doing that isn't my problem.

>>51464413
Entirely uninvolved people who have no idea what magic even is?
Sure. Just bring them all by me.

>>51464415
Save your hot air-omancy for someone who cares, Miss Ariedaeonis. I'm just doing my job.

>>51464502
Well, do you look exactly like your past self? My guess is not. You can probably pass as brothers.
>She floats a paper out of the pile.
Want me to put that down?

>>51464529
>sam summons up a bunch of neets

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>>51464445
Aghh, I got me-self a Ice Golems arm I was gonna save for me next experiment.

Buuut I thanks you might be able to use it laddie.

Just hold still and let me slap it on 'er.

>>51464529
"Uhm yeah, just-just put that down as brothers. I'm sure my past self won't mind being the runt..."

>>51464540
"OH MY GOD, WH-what are they?! They smell horrible!"

>>51464576
Idunno, a bunch of guys.

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>>51464453
Uh... you don't get to bring friends.

>>51464523
Oh did you now?
>She floats out another paper. A pen levitates above it expectantly as she rests her head on her steepled hands.
And who might that be, hm?

>>51464540
>Priscilla curls her lip a little.
I didn't expect them to be so unanimously... Unwieldy.
Do you have any other options that you could summon in?

>>51464576
Done.
>One of the floating pens gracefully writes something on a paper before tucking it back into a drawer.

>>51464523
They like to gossip and such things.
Not really a gossip person.

>>51464529
I remember some unaffiliated mages in my travels.
Want me to try contacting some of them?

>>51464445
Does mud work?
>>51464574
Nevermind, looks like she got it.
Unless she'd rather see if the mud works.

>>51464599
Why not?
Who are you?

>>51464626
Me, Priscilla.
I'm her boyfriend.
How've you been? Any... interesting characters try and get in?

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Personally I'd rather see more non-human mages. Or is it nonelven? I always forget which way round it is with the ears.

In any case, I don't think the Guild has done recruitment in years so far as I can tell. People just wander in and so long as they have a robe or funny hat nobody minds.

>>51464594
"Well g-get RID of them! They smell worse than the Abominations we made in class the other day! Or at least throw them in the p-pool!"

>>51464626
"So uh... where, um, where should I put him? I think I may have gotten a "me" who is magically inert, still. Er."

>>51464626
hmmmm i could always try summoning some orcs.

>>51464138
Here is the coffee for today's meeting, along with all the paper work everyone needs to catch up on

>>51464626
Uh...

>Blushes

Him.
>Points at Glug

>>51464631
I don't gossip. I don't know many women who do, actually.

>>51464631
Bahhh, no offense but everyone here worth their salts knows ice is superior to your goop.

>>51464675
"Um, M-mortimer, would you mind helping me in getting rid of these... SAM! Y-you called these things NEETS?!... yeah, those... er, they're defacing furniture in strange orange dust, and they're leaving a film wherever they step!"

>>51464666
I don't think they're allowed in the pool

Apologies, I'm a bit late, a bit late but I've caught up to the order of the day. And before I bring up the important matter I attended this meeting to begin with -namely the requalification of light mages to a more dignified "lasermancer" status), I have to ask.

Amongst the assistance today. How many of the women are under glamor, targetted reincarnation, or wearing a belt of opposite gender? Because handling that seems more on-point than just "getting more dudes"

>>51464685
That's good. I'd stay away.

>>51464691
Rude. I was offering an alternative because I heard you saying you were saving the ice arm for something.

>>51464675
Does anyone even check the paperwork? I'm beginning to think it's just traditional at this point.

>>51464708
It wasn't booked by the Oozemancy department again was it? Took weeks, last time...

>>51464749
more than you'd think but not as much as to make a difference

>>51464756
I said 'no offense' so that obviously makes it not rude!

>>51464138
...With all due respect, it's not like I have anyone I can exactly call on.

Then again, why can't we try some sort of recruitment advertising? Surely there's enough nice-looking female mages to make the idea a bit attractive.

>>51464631
Yes, that would be delightful. Any and all men you can find.
>>51464646
How delicious.
>The pen scribbles away on the paper. You might be able to hear a tiny giggling sound as it does so.
Thank you for asking, dear. I've been well, things have been going relatively smoothly at the front. It became a little -- mm, awkward, you could say -- when we wandered into the Nor Marches for a hot second, but that's all blown over.
As for interesting characters... Nothing too eclectic. There was a rather rude young lady who barged her way in a few days ago. I haven't seen her since.

>>51464666
He's your past self, correct? Where ever the two of you decide is best. You might think to throw him in class with the redrobes, but that can often be rather... Dangerous.

>>51464673
Orcs?!
>She takes off her glasses, cleaning them with a soft cloth she pulls from a drawer.
Heavens, no orcs. Spare us all from that surely excruciating experience.

>>51464685
Ohohoho, I know, dear. He just told me.
>She gives you a foxy smile.

>>51464761
They do their paperwork because who would dare argue with a giant that makes the best coffee in the whole universe?
>>51464705
How did they even get in here?

>>51464786
but we don't have any orc wizards. maybe 10
>he summons 20

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I have traveled all this way to find a worthy apprentice to my arts before I pass into the next life, any man capable enough to carry on my tradition

>>51464138
First of all, I will kidnap whoever the hell I want to! I will steal people from the druids and turn them into their opposites if you tell me not to do something!

For that reason I am going to offer invitation to every witch, warlockette, and femage that I can find. You don't tell me what to do, old man!

>>51464805
"Er, Sam the Summoner tried to summon a group of Wizards, I think he may have used some bad spell ingredients... they're CALLING themselves wizards... but... erm."

>>51464811
"WHY WON'T YOU STOP?!? OH GODS!"

>>51464749
I am currently under the effects of a Moste Dire and Ancient Curse which I have been unable to unravel and therefore intentionally put on A Tremendously Cursed Belt Of Gender Swapping to return me to my original form.

so idk what That counts as

>>51464761
Yes, sorry, we were practicing water slimes and things got... out of hand. In a fun way, but still.
We're working on making our own pool in the department so it can be left to me to manage.

>>51464777
It was rude to bring it up when I was trying to help.
And slimes and oozes are great! Did you know I have frost oozes?

>>51464786
Alright, I'll contact them.

And yeah, I heard about that mess. As much as I'd love to meet my girlfriend's people I'd rather keep the Mages Guild as far away as possible.

>>51464846
I know a guy that would willing to be your apprentice.

>>51464805
The coffee is a good argument. A very good argument. Speaking of which, grabbing a mug.. also I think they were... Summoned in? Might be conjured, or apparated. One of those anyway. Probably.

>>51464846
I wouldn't look here. I really wouldn't. We're all mad here. Even me, I've been here too long. Good coffee though.

>>51464771
Then, how about we amplify the effect. Seize the belts of gender change, and put them on ladies for them to attend session. It will at least solve the esthetic imbalance.

I mean, my first instinct involved lasers in the women's bathroom, but we don't want ANOTHER "disco ball incident"

>>51464871
Addendum: The curse Moste Dire is a curse of Gender Reassignment.

>>51464786
Stop smiling like that.

>>51464784
Not me!

>>51464756
Don't worry, I will.

>>51464631
Yeah, that works!

>>51464574
That too. Honestly either way works for now.

>>51464887
You must bring me to him as soon as possible
>>51464888
I'd look elsewhere but I was turned away from the fighter's guild for my "weeaboo fightan' magic"

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>>51464897
I mean, I think you could, but...well, I'm sure Amity would love to be on it, as well as potentially Faustine and Seithr if I can tone their outfits down a bit. Emilia doubtlessly has that thing with the spotlight that she adores...maybe a few others?

I mean, it shouldn't be too hard for me to draw a few things up~

>>51464867
>the orcs, being orcs, each grab some unlucky witch and run off
huh. I would have though that at least a few of them whoul have wanted to learn magic. well, it still helps solve the problem, shall I summon more?

>>51464890
okay, but who should we belt?

>>51464887
frost oozes!

Crazytalk and poppycock, I've never heard of such a substance and refuse to believe in such a fantastical crossbreed substance.
>Furiously looking through book of 'frost fiends and other polar creatures'

>>51464916
Why thank ye, a certain head of Oozemancy has offered a less useful alternative for you to consider but I trust you'll make the right choice.

>>51464890
I don't know, the disco ball was rather fun.

>>51464916
You're not a bound spirit are you? I could give you a retuning if that's the case. You don't have to say how you're powered if you don't want to, mind! I know it can be touchy for some.

>>51464942
Oh.. that sort of er, magic. There are some sorts like you around, I think. I know we have magic swordsmen at least.. maybe start with the eldritch knights.

>>51464897
Good.
>He holds and squeezes her hand
How are the outfits?

>>51464916
Well unless she wants to save the ice arm, she has it.

>>51464942
I'll contact him.
>He takes out his sending gem and contacts someone

>>51464973
>He summons a crystallized frost ooze hammer that looks like it's made of ice
>He gives a smirk
>Fuckin' elves...

>>51464959
Random women, would be my first instinct. Maybe go on a roulette kind of thing, unless we have a luckinetist. Or, wait wait wait, better option. How about the archmage gives a grant to departments whose heads accept gender belt wearing during reunions. After all, if you want effect, gold speaks. Well, gold, mithril, astral diamonds... And I'm not refering to that time where the profile on each of the kingdom's coin got animated...

>The lengthily bearded man makes an attempt to walk through the halls quietly, carrying a very large sack over his shoulder, which was currently squirming and making muffled, angry noises.
Boy, those druids sure are trusting, their boss didn't even question when I bound and gagged him. Must be a freak.

>>51464811
>Her eyes boggle.
We don't have any orc wizards for a reason! They're brutes who, on the whole, couldn't care less about casting spells, let alone studying them!
...But I suppose they ARE rather sufficient in terms of the manliness we're lacking here.

>>51464848
>She glares at you over her glasses.
Do you have any idea how much more annoying that would make my job? My cabinets for female members are nearly full, I'd have to go buy more!

>>51464887
I agree wholeheartedly. Just imagine, the brutes walking in the front door every day, either trying to kill us all or searching for a new farm animal to ruthlessly defile.
>She shudders.
What a repulsive land.

>>51464897
>She leans back in her chair with her mouth agape.
Oh, what is it dear? I'm just excited for you~ Love must be so foreign to you, given your place of origin.
>Priscilla pretends to wipe away a tear, sighing.

>>51464887
Well, the results of the pool were rather tasty, after that gastromancy helped fix it. Actually been half-hoping for another jell-o incident.

>>51464959
"NO! Gods damn it man, I could summon better than you! And I'm not e-even a summoner! I could probably f-flesh shape a better wizard!"

>>51464952
Right, yeah, them...

>>51465016
Ehhhh...

Done, but I really don't want to wear mine...

>>51465046
Hey, we love each other there!

my name is billy. i have no magical talent whatsoever, but ive been shipped here by my noble father because my voice makes mommys hangover worse.

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>>51464995
Hey, don't get me wrong, I LIKED the disco ball. But at the end of the day, the bodycount just wasn't worth it.

>>51465036
"Wait, uhhhm, you have their leader in that sack?"

...

"Can we k-kick it some?"

>>51465073
I cast Dispel Magic.

>>51465101
>billy remains unimpressed
i thought wizard magic was supposed to be more impressive than that.

>>51465092
>He stops and narrows his eyes, then nodded and dropped the sack on the floor. He kicked it once.
Come on, I need to make him stop wiggling anyway. If it crunches, don't worry about it.

>>51465118
Hush, child. It does Nothing.
...
I cast Greater Dispel Magic.

>>51465027
i suppose...

>>51465046
>He summons more and it has results much like last time.

>>51465055
then why don't you? also quick question is that imp hater as in you hate imps or imp hater as in you make tiny hats for imp? Or is it both and you make hats OUT of imps?

>>51465065
But everyone is so unrefined! So cold and harsh! I can only wonder at how your own heart wasn't encased in an impenetrable shell of stone!
>She actually starts to tear up a little.
Oh, I can just see it now. You're so lonely, but then Glug swoops in! Slowly working away at your heart, melting its emotionless carapace to finally reach and take the warm, squishy, loving core within~
Oooooo~!
>A pen scribbles a little more on a paper.

>>51465118
Delightful. You'll fit right in.
>Priscilla records Billy's information on a clean sheet of paper and slips it into a drawer.
Off to redrobe class for you~

>>51465118
Billy, travel with me to the land of the flame phoenix where I will teach you the art of the sword.

>>51465046
Eh, I bring my guild buddies in and they won't be a problem.
Ever since we got that diet dairy deal with the Dairy Goddess, the Adventurer's Guild has gotten an easier time getting fit.

>>51465053
You could make requests.
I'm open to people making requests of my students. For a price.

>>51465065
Say, what's your favorite ice-cream flavor?

>>51465118
Another one?
Except from the exact opposite walk of life.

>>51465016
Its and Illusion I tell ya, a bunch of smoke and mirrors.Your habadashery teir smoke an mirrors won't fool anyone!
>pokes said frost ooze hammer

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

What abomination have you brought upon us!

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Male, female, who gives a shit? I don't know. I can tell you who takes a shit, though. It is I. You can touch it if you want to.

>>51465158
Are... Are you writing a story about us?

My heart has never had an emotionless carapace!

>>51465170
Ice Cream Flavors?

>Ponders

>>51465147
its a lovely light trick but i havent got any money on me. sorry.

>>51465160
father told me not to make eye contact with crazy homeless people.

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>>51465157
"I-imp hater, as in a group of them harassed my bedchambers for several weeks, apparently a druid sicced them on me for being a necromancer... sp-speaking of which..."

>>51465139
>Botelus begins placing several harsh kicks to the bag, projecting the druid who sent the imps after him onto this particular druid

I added myself to the 'active' members list since I've been around for several threads, is that okay?

>>51464995
I don't actually know how I'm powered. I've just been assuming my creator is using her own life force for it.

>>51464973
One ice arm, then, please! Should make a good conversation starter.

>>51465092
I'm sure I'm supposed to object to wanton violence. But right now I'm just happy if nobody is actively dying in the same room as me.

Wait, are we talking about "live in harmony with plants" druids or "sacrifice people on bits of rock because the voices tell me" druids?
I'll bloody well help you if it's the latter.

>>51465158
So that's how we keep getting redrobes. Thought there was some out of control duplicator spell behind it all.

>>51465170
Can't afford to throw gold around for novelty snacks! Not much money in my line of work.

>>51465217
On the 1d4chan page? We haven't updated that in ages, we mostly just keep track of each other down in the archives

>>51465217
C'mon kid, you have to be rougher than that.
>The bearded man raises a foot up and brings it down on the side of the bag, causing a loud crunch. A few muffled screams came out of the sack as he picked it back up and started carrying it away again.

>>51465179
Frost oozes. And the crystallized form of said ooze shaped into the form of a hammer.

>>51465193
...Oh my Gods, you don't know what ice cream is.

>>51465160
>A tanned skinned, blond haired man wearing light battlerobes appears from a maw portal
Lurco: I heard there were ancient arts to be learned.

>>51465219
Oh, I wouldn't have them charge you any more than the jello shops would sell them for.

>>51465170
>>51465268

Ayyyy, ice cream is me schools territory.

First you bring these disgusting and still under investigation 'frost oozes' to our guild, now your trying to serve out unlicensed ice cream.

YOUR ON THIN ICE!!!

>>51465218
Hmm.. probably not a spirit then. Probably, they usually remember what they are despite the new body.. my door's open if you need aid I can give in any case. It's what I'm here for, I think.

...Actually I think I just help the guild meet some minorities quota.

>>51465157
>She watches some witch redrobes get carried off again, tapping her pen against her cheek.
Hmm... This is certainly not optimal, but it remains oddly effective.
Perhaps one more batch of orcs, wouldn't you say?

>>51465170
Do you mean to say that they're all fabulously toned and muscular boys?
>Priscilla's eyes sparkle a little.
How delightful. I can't wait to see them~

>>51465193
Oh don't be ridiculous! How could such a thing be possible?
>She peeks back at the paper.
Ohoho, it's turning out beautifully. Chapter two: Escape from the Barbarians~!

>>51465219
Oh, yes. There's plenty of miscellaneous children and middle-aged women who show up every day. More than enough to fill the classes.
Though, the duplicator is sometimes employed when we run low.

>>51465268
Wh-what?

We don't exactly have magic freezer boxes back home!

>>51465284
What barbarians!? Do you have ANY idea how I got to this guild?

>>51465256
"Hey, make sure to toss it around s-some!"
>Botelus debates rewinding time several seconds just to deliver harder kicks, but decides against it.

>>51465219
"Uh... I'm not rightly s-sure, though I'd w-wager their leader does plenty of both."

>>51465252
Ah, okay. Where do you access archives on that page?

>>51465311
what was in the bag? has someone had someone else killed?

>>51465217
did you get rid of them?

>>51465284
shall I make it a big batch?

>>51465281
Hey! The ice cream is from the Adventurer's Guild. Which I happen to be the representative of here at the Mages Guild.
And that is my girlfriend. I can offer her whatever I damn please.

>>51465284
>He points to Lurco
That's our leader. Our being the Adventurers' Guild.

>>51465308
Don't worry about it. But know that we're going out for ice cream after the museum. Or before.
Probably after.

>>51465218

Aye I'm glad, your sense of style is just impeccable.

Now allow me to give your stump a quick jolt of ice animation to give you full control and range of motion.
>zaps your stump with a bolt of blue energy then harshly slams a large arm made of solid ice upon it.

>>51465214
Ah! A-aah.

I'm not casting at you, boy. Don't be ridiculous. You might have let something invisible in.

I cast Less Than Supreme But Still Greater Than Greater Dispel Magic.

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Is this the place lookin' for more men?

By Thor! You really do! Even those with beards are wearin' dresses!

>>51465340

THIN FOOKIN' ICE!!!

>>51465311
The archives are seperate, due to some tech issues most of the historical stuff is fragmented if available at all. A link will be posted as the thread gets closer to falling off the board.

>>51465369
are you still talking?

>>51465373
you smell like a barn.

>>51465340
I'm looking forward to it!

>>51465311
Nah, it's just ghostposting in an archive in-between threads, we'll link it once this autosages

>>51465331
It was just a d-druid, they're slightly above Orcs on the "should be alive" c-chart.

>>51465337
"I did... and I had to get rid of most of my bed too... and my bunkmate... and my room... and my dignity."
>Botelus shudders

>>51465308
You must understand; sometimes an artist must make artistic decisions. Besides, barbarians are aplenty in your past, I'm sure!
>She laughs excitedly.

>>51465337
How big is big, would you say?

>>51465340
Oh my~
I think you ought to get the rest of them over here quickly. Just for expedience's sake, of course.

>>51465268
...Might be worth it then. Especially if we find some way to make it on the cheap. Always good to find a new way to make coin.

>>51465311
Well... good enough to not care about you doing it, not enough to join in. Carry on!

>>51465375
Isn't ice cream food magic more than ice magic? Although shaved ice is almost certainly ice magic more than food magic...

>>51465403
ill make a note of that.
>billy pulls a small notebook out and writes "druids" at the bottom of a long list labeled "people to look down on."

>51465385
And you smell like a foreign, and obnoxious perfume brand, laddy.

>>51465403
a shame

>>51465412
say.... 30?

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>51465373
Welcome!
Dodge!
>He throws a crystal frost ooze hammer at you

>>51465375
>He holds his empty hands up and gives a smug smile

>>51465402
I hope you do.
How's my outfit coming along?

>>51465412
>Leans in and whispers
If you're alright with kids, Lurco is actually a single-pringle.

>>51465416
Nothings cheaper than magical jello.
Unless you take into account the decaying sources of mana... but people are working on those.

>>51465416
>Ice cream
>Ice

Its common fookin' knowledge that the Mages Guild recognizes the first word in the name of all magical items, creatures, planes of existence, party drugs, ect. as the major determining factor in a school of magic's claim of it.

Ok, I have gotten rid of the NEETS. Anything else need doing?

>>51465514
...Wait, you did? How?

>>51465526
Probably by scaring them off.
He IS a giant.

>Slowly, he makes his way back out. He looked around for a moment, adjusts his hat and strokes his beard, before stuffing the now empty sack into a pocket in his wizard robes.

Fuckin' toilets, getting all stuffed up with one druid, they aren't even that big! Damn idiots eat dirt!

>>51465412
I've never even MET a barbarian!

I mean, technically unless the people of Tiji count as barbarians, we do hate all our neighbors...

>>51465476
It's uh...

It's basically done?

>>51465541
...I mean, yes, but how he even got them to register his presence is...something else.

>>51465526
The less you know the better

>>51465514
"That f-fast? There's still orange dust on the couches! They said they left "Magic cards" in the cushions, too, I t-think we'd better quarantine the sofas as soon as we can."

>>51465555
I'm the assistant, not the janitor

>>51465433
>peers over at the list, holy shit that list title
Is... is that in any particular order?

>>51465476
Guess I have different thoughts on what makes food expensive. Benefit of my race is a wider diet, and some of it is very cheap.

>>51465501
Yes, but that caused the astromancers to claim star fruits that one time.. wait, why did you even have an ice golem arm again?

>>51465555
Magic cards?
>Diana seems remotely interested.

Like, spell cards or something?

>>51465544
...The sexy outfit or the date one?
I forgot to specify.

>>51465551
Are you kidding me? They're a bunch of losers.
I could have scared them off.

>>51465575
I suppose it would be.
I myself prefer jelly beans. Which cannot be made from oozemancy. Yet.

>>51465577
"I'm not really sure, though they said they were really rare. I don't want to go near the couches and check though... I'm used to the smell of the dead, n-not the smell of the living..."

>>51465601
The, uh... The sexy one...

>>51465555
That seems unlikely, magic cards are a.. magical girl thing, yes? And those 'neets' looked NOTHING like that.
They didn't even look neat. Daft name, really.

>>51465601
It might be easier to make a plant that produces them than the traditional way, if I remember that biomancy class right..

>>51465601
I could have done it with a bit of nyctomancy if they ever acknowledged anything that existed outside of themselves. That's what confused me so much.

>>51465611
I see. Well, thankfully there's means of checking without having to touch anything.

...Where'd I put my chalk?

>>51465575
not really. father says i should always have it on me though.

>>51465616
Alright. So, just let me know when you're done.
And then we can decide on a date when you want to get it done and over with.

>>51465630
Hm... jelly beans aren't natural... but maybe.
Biomancy isn't my specialty.

>>51465640
You get in their face.
Whack a couple of them and assert yourself.

>>51465640
...Would charcoal work?

>She seems to pull out a stick of charcoal

>>51465680
Oh, right, yeah... Still have to... Do that.

>Sighs

All this for just one book.

>>51465630
Cards and magical girls? Not that I'm aware of...then again, I'm not really that involved with the department. Who knows?

>>51465680
That's the THING, they don't even recognize that I'm there even when I knocked one on his ass!

>>51465630
"I think it's not a name, I think it's an acronym... Not-Ever-Energised-Trainwreck? I'm not sure, the guy who summoned them n-never explained. Anyway, I think that a couple of the cards had magical girls on the outside of them, they... er... weren't wearing much."

>>51465640
"What are you going to do with chalk? Summoning circle?"

>>51465458
That sounds perfect. Go for it.
>She hides a little behind her desk.

>>51465476
Oh really?
Thank you for that delicious tidbit of information~
>She eyes Lurco up and down. A pen starts taking notes.

>>51465544
Dear, if you're from the Nor Marches, you've met plenty of barbarians.
>She gives Carmina a knowing look, accompanied by her usual foxy smile.

>The main door is kicked in, and a mad looking man with a goatee stands in the middle brandishing a wand

NO BODY MOVE!

>>51465716
>he does so
>29 witches are dragged off screaming
orc: whots dis den?

>>51465691
...should work, yeah.

>>51465701
Summoning? Nah, just a levitation spell conjoined with a localized earthquake - which should dislodge anything of value from the sofas without anyone having to dig through it.
>Takes Carmina's charcoal stick and starts drawing.

>>51465752
>Diana stops mid-sketch.

>>51465716
Hey, we are not barbarians!

>>51465771
Hope it works then?

>>51465752
>Eeks
>Moves behind Glug

>>51465771
YOU THERE. TAKE ME TO YOUR LIBRARY!

>>51465752
Buddy, give us one good reason why any of us shouldn't just kill you right here, and I might let you leave

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>51465691
>He shrugs
Yeah, life isn't peachy 24/7.

>>51465692
If their making such an effort to ignore you, then you can start throwing them out of the guild.
Literally.
Like, what are they going to do? Fight back?
>He laughs

>>51465716
Not a problem.
He has a lot of experience.

>>51465752
>>51465785
>Flaming oozebolt to destroy the wand and burn his hand

>>51465680
Nor my speciality, but I like to sit in on random classes now and then.

>>51465692
I think so, but nobody really gets that discipline except it's own practitioners. Even chronomancy makes more sense, it's just impossibly convoluted.

>>51465701
Maybe there IS a magical girl connection then.. I've got some spare chalk if needed though, I'm out of the blessed stuff though.

>>51465785
...you said not to move. I can give you directions though.

>>51465752
>Looks left, looks right, and stares at the man in disbelief
"Where do you think we are?! The druids' guild?!"

>>51465790
>the madman looks unsure.
BECAUSE....
>he waves the wand a bit
THIS IS AN EXTEREMELY POWERFUL ITEM. THE MAN WHO SOLD IT TO ME SAID SO.

>>51465794
DONT GET SMART WITH ME!

>>51465800
IM WARNING YOU! SOMEONE HAD BETTER TAKE ME TO THE LIBRARY RIGHT NOW!

>>51465791
>the bolt catches him by suprise, smacking into his hand. he screeches in pain, but manages to catch the wand with his other hand.
WHO THREW THAT?

>>51465352
Ooh, bit chilly. Nice though. Thank you!

>>51465851
And just what man sold this to you?

>>51465851
>Botelus attempts to slow down the man's temporal sphere so he sounds dumber

>>51465851
Fine. Follow me.
>Diana gets up and starts walking slowly.

>>51465851
Stop yelling, youre hurting my ears.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>51465783
>drops you through a portal behind Mort

>>51465851
>Throws another one at his other hand

Rolled 5 (1d20)

>>51465872
Fuck I messed up the roll

Rolled 10 (1d20)

>>51465767
Eek! Nobody, go away!
>A hail of sharp pens assault the orc!

>>51465783
Well, look around here and compare.
Your home sure isn't far from barbarism, if they aren't there already, dear.

>>51465791
Yeah, true.

Believe me, I know.

>>51465876
>EEPS
>Lands behind Mort

>>51465909
We are not Barbarians! We have nobles and everything.

>>51465575
>>51465791

WE'LL HANDLE TOUR LITTLE SPAT LATTER YOU SLOP FLINGIN' BASTARD!

>Leaps upon a particulerly tall chair and prepares a blizzard spell

>>51465868
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

>>51465873
MAKE IT QUICK.

>>51465874
>the man shoots you a dirty look as he passes

>>51465876
>as Pel-hot follows Diana out of the room, a second bolt flys through the air and strikes his other hand. shrieking in pain again, the wand clatters to the floor. his eyes dart around the room. with his weapon gone, Pel-hot is now surrounded by people who dont like him. he decides to leg it, pushing past diana and running in a random direction.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

>>51465909
>rolling for tanking it
Oi! whots da big iodea?

>>51465771
>observes the magic circle closely
Don't often see this sort of thing, everyone just waves their hands around here it seems.

>>51465851
You realise you only need a library card to enter don't you? Oh, but first..
Foorboards underoot creak
Yet it is to you I speak
Remember your past
Afore your current task
Grow as you did in ancient times
By power of my magic and rhymes
>basically the floorboards come to life and start growing to try and engulf the crazed wand wielder

>>51465964
>if you knew where in the building he was, that might work better, but pel-hot is now running through the halls like a headless, unarmed, chicken.

>>51465955
you do realize that in all likelyhood you have been scammed
>>51465933
So, your the magic seamstress?

>>51465955
>Diana watches as pel trips over his own shadow, landing into a heap.
Oh dear, it seems you've made a bit of a mistake.

>>51465964
Well, I'm not most everyone.

>>51465933
Nobles? Do they wear loincloths and have tiger skulls strapped to their legs?

>>51465958
Leave me alone! Don't kidnap me!
>Priscilla dives into a large drawer. Her papers are sucked in with her, along with the pens. The desk then folds in on itself and poofs away.
Sorry, gotta go for a bit. If this is still going in a few hours, I'll be back

Rolled 1 (1d20)

Forgot to roll

Not my finest work, but I had to improvise that one quickly.. seriously though, past and task? I need practice with those..
>>51465955
I- wait come back here and stay rooted!

>>51465938
Aim it at the orcs!
>Points to them >>51465958

>>51465955
Damn, we've lost him!
Hopefully he winds up in the deep archives and gets eaten.
Otherwise he'll be trouble.

>>51465958
You all stop right there!
>That elf is beefier than the rest of his kind
>Almost like a blue orc without the tusks
>Also, Wagga Building is in session according to captcha

>>51466003
>>51466018
>down the hall, pel-hot is found face down with roots entangling his feet.
>>51465997
IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS, I WILL NEED TO HAVE A TALK WITH MY SUPPLIER, YES.

>>51465997
I am, yes.

Why? I'm a bit backed up with stuff right now.

>>51466008
No! We do not!

>>51466018
You're not gonna root anyone like that.

>>51466008
I'll probably be asleep by then. oh well.

Fun fact, i just wanted him to join the guild, didn't think she's freak out

>>51466054
Oi ain't movin ya git.

>>51466072
...Are you with the other orcs?

>>51465887
What, uh... What are you doing?

>>51466072
>Watches the orc
>Warily

Rolled 19 (1d20)

>>51465958
AGHH YOU 'BOUT TO GET IT NOW LADDIES!
>Cast blizzard upon the uncouth looking orcs.
>>51466054
Wot you think I was doin', baking a cake!

File: gnoll izekrom.jpg (8KB, 225x225px) Image search: [Google]

8KB, 225x225px

>>51464657
>Iris looks about, then stares in awe at the Shaman
OOOOOOOH!!!
>Shi exclaims

>>51466018
Oh crap, that did not go well... my aim, the rhyme and the power behind it.
Still.. floor bonsai. It might catch on.

>>51466060
I wasn't expecting to have to construct a spell on the fly like that! Oh what am I saying, there's no excuse for how badly I flubbed that.

>>51466072
Please don't tell me you're a mage, if it turns out you're a better spellcaster than me as well I'm going to need one of the drinks from the deep sub basements to forget all this.

>>51466060
Was just making sure
>>51466056
And who would they be?

>>51466109
>Botelus gets very red, and quiet. He looks down pathetically.
"Uh... n-nothing."

>>51466119
Oh, hi! You're adorable!

>>51466130
I can't construct a spell on the fly at all, and even I could do better!

>>51466132
Okay, sure.

>>51466136
...
Hmm...

>>51466130
Sorry, did you say something? Was kinda focused on the circle.

>>51466132
IT WAS A MAN I MET IN THE MARKET WHO ASSURED ME HE HAD WHATEVER I NEEDED. I SAID I NEEDED REVENGE AND HE SOLD ME A WAND OF INFINITE POWER.

FAT LOT OF GOOD IT DID. DAMN THING DIDNT EVEN FIRE.

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME AT THE WHOLE CRAZED INTRUDER THING, AM I ALLOWED TO STOP YELLING YET?

>>51466112
...
>Hopes that that orc wasn't a blacksheep of an orc

>>51466119
>Lurco is in the room somewhere, just not as actively playing him

>>51466147
So... How was my slingin'?

>>51466086
'eah, whot of it?

>>51466109
>he's an impressive specimen for sure

>>51466112
>28 orcs drop thier prizes. as well as dead
>the 29th is shivering in place
>the 30th didndonuttin. the 30th is a good boy

>>51466130
I's can bea moige?

>>51466119
Ah.. Hello there little one, I.. is there anything you need assistance with?

>>51466147
I know! I honestly have no idea what happened! This has never happened before. Well- no.. it has very rarely happened before.

>>51466151
What was i saying before that incident.. ah, yes. I just- well I wanted to say it was nice to see someone else with a bit of a ritual behind their spells than silent casting but right now I'm feeling thoroughly inadequate to make comparisons.

>>51466164
You can stop when ever you want to

>>51466181
It wouldn't be the strangest thing to happen I suppose. Orcs do have their mystics after all.

Although that is.. that is quite the mess you're in. Just one ice spell and- my word that's a lot of... 'statues'.

>>51466147
"There's no chronomancy going on here... no, no..."

>>51466164
"Please, you're scaring my self, he just got here today!"

Rolled 13 (1d20)

>>51466198
Well...there's a reason I draw magic circles for everything. Let's just...let's just leave it at that, mmkay?

>Breaks the circle with her shoe as the couch starts floating, then shaking.
>rolling for loot

>Poses victoriously upon the chair, letting her hair flow in the last gust of the blizzard.
Now, thats how its done!
>>51466181
You lad's cool?
>>51466175
Now back to our original issue, ice cream me thinks it was.

File: Mind_flayer_-_5E.jpg (359KB, 1000x1375px) Image search: [Google]

359KB, 1000x1375px

[Burbling Noises]

>>51466228
>>51466260
good, my throat was getting sore.

any chance i could be allowed to get up? this carpet has quite clearly gone a while without washing.

>>51466181
Yes, you, the surviving one.
The one that didn't get hit.
Because kidnapping people is bad and since you didn't kidnap anyone you're good.

>>51466265
If it makes you feel better we have ice mages at the Adventurer's Guild of Midway Island.

>>51466274
>Telepathically
>"Welcome."

>>51466245
meh, day waz weak

>>51466265
aye.

>>51466175
Pretty good. Looked slimy.

>>51466181
>Mutters
Wow...

>>51466198
>Shrugs

>>51466260
I hope so.

>>51466310
>He shrugs
That's usually how oozemancy goes.
Though I always have these babies in case of anti-magic.
>He shows off his guns to her and gives a warm chuckle

>>51466262
Alright, if you're entirely sure. Can't say I understand, but that is probably the point. Anything good one out of it at the least?

>>51466274
[Polite goat noises]

>>51466305
orz moiybe im juzta one o da smart onez

>>51466310
>eyebrow wiggle

>>51466300
"There was a horde of... NEETS? That came through earlier? I'd suggest getting a w-wash, they were pretty slimy."

>>51466274
>Eyes the mindflayer nervously, scared of losing his brain

>>51466354
You were right, some cards, as well as a bit of dosh - some things never change I suppose.

...Though these cards are nothing like what I use.

File: Necromancer1.jpg (46KB, 564x705px) Image search: [Google]

46KB, 564x705px

> Rob wanders in and looks around sheepishly at the gathered mages
Howdy. I'm Robert, but my friends call me Rob. I've been putting off join the guild for awhile, but I've run into a bit of a problem that maybe one of you can help me with. Do any of you know how to put down an undead uprising? I raised a good six dozen ghouls the other week and they were fine for the first few days, but now they're demanding better wages and working conditions. I thought it was kind of funny at first but they also convinced my skeletons and zombies to join them and now my whole horde is picketing outside of my dungeon.

Do any of you have experience with this sort of thing? I feel like this isn't normal undead behavior. I could just re-kill them all and raise them again but that's a lot of effort.

>>51466402
...let me get our specialist out here.

>>51466357
If you are as smart as you say you are you'd stop that eyebrow wiggling.

>>51466402
Can you break your own spell?

>>51466305
Hmmmm, it makes me uneasy but after little to no consideration I have come to a rash decision.

I representing the School of Ice Magics, do agree wit ya.'Ice' cream while delicious only by virtue of being frozen is a foodie magic.I'll have a chat wit me mates in a bit about those midway island fella's.

And maybe frost ooze isn't all that much of an abomination ... but its still weird.

>>51466307
welcome to the club laddie.

>>51466367
so... im not used to dealing with mages.
will i be turned into a frog for kicking in the door like that?

i do still need to use the library.

>>51466342
Ooh!

We don't have those back home.

>>51466357
>Yelps
>Shrinks back

I have a boyfriend?

>>51466402
...Zombies can ask for wages?

>>51466381
They're sort of pretty, I suppose. Oh, this one is all shiny! I wonder how they got it like that on paper.

>>51466402
A little bit, but more of the "banishing" sort of fix than rectifying the undead. Have you considered asking them what they plan to do with money?
There's also some forms I think to fill in, although only one if you just want a library card.

>>51466445
Probably. Not for too long though. Probably.

>>51466402
"I'm not sure where my headmaster is... um... I could try rewinding time in the area before you made the ghouls, I can MAAAAYBE anchor your other creations to this timeline with some effort."

>>51466435
>>51466438
>>51466470
>going to bed in a bit

>>51466484
Well bugger.
any chance you could... i dont know, untie my feet? i promise i wont tell anyone.

>>51466198
I'i'it! It's a shaman, a Caprah, yes!?
>>51466147
>Iris eeps and hides behind the Caprahn
>>51466175
>Iris probably came through the portal with him.

>>51466305

>Telepathically
"Thank you."

>>51466354
*Nods respectfully*

>>51466367
[Clears throat] You have nothing to fear from me, child. ...I brought snacks. *Produces a jar containing a goblin brain suspended in vinegar*

>>51466484
Not sure. But some of these are just...weird.

I mean, what even is a tar-mo-go-fy?
>She squints at the thing.

>>51466530
Tell your shadow to let go, then you ought to be able to get up. I'm not fiddling with it anymore.

>>51466433
Much appreciated.
>>51466435
I can, it's the having to spend hours upon hours re-raising them all that's a huge pain in the behind.
>>51466470
Well, the zombies aren't exactly saying anything, just moaning, but the ghouls are saying they speak for the zombies.
>>51466484
I didn't ask them, no. But what could they possibly want with money anyway? It's not like they have time off to spend it on anything.
>>51466485
Seems like a lot of effort. Sounds like a good plan for if we don't find an easier solution, though.

>>51466517
>same, gn d'orc
>also the joke just hit me, im an idiot

>>51466438
I have made several hundred ooze variants.

And the Adventurers' Guild of Midway Island used to go by the name of the Cult of the Changing Tides, which you may have heard more of. We are a very old organization. Not as old as the Mages Guild, technically, but still old.

>>51466470
Didn't have big muscles like these?
How ever did they think they were going to beat us again?

>>51466517
>Aight, seeya mang

>>51466564
>Lurco pats her head and tells her to stay safe with the goat-man before he looks for the sword sage

>>51466566
"Not a problem. What brings you here?"

>>51466579
Yeah, get some Necromancy Department fellows to help you out.

>>51466566
>Screams internally
"Oh uh, uhm, no thank you, I uh, don't, didn't am not, hungry, yes... errrrr..."

>Emilia sleeps in a chair, not paying attention
>a large cartoonish nose bubble expands and contracts as she nods off

>>51466564
Oh, sorry.

>>51466579
...

I'd ask the necromancers.

>>51466608
I mean I never said we were the best at assessing how good our chances were...

>>51466567
>after shuffling a bit, Pel-hot stands up and dusts himself off.
I must say, you all seem awfully lenient considering i threatened you all at wand point.

>>51466637
In all honesty it happens about once a week. You get a bit numb to the whole thing.

>Diana heads off, hands in her pockets.

>>51466438
>considers bringing up the subject of frozen food ooze but decided against it
>even if it would be entertaining

>>51466530
They're not that strongly rooted, could probably break them yourself with a little effort.

>>51466564
Yes indeed, that was well spotted! Not many can see I'm a shaman just be looking. I am Nohma of the Captain tribe, and what is your name?

>>51466567
I am... Not sure. Does not look like anything I would want to meet, however. Unless the image is life size, I suppose... I'm a bit confused how graveyards can affect it however. Maybe it's some sort of adventurer's guide to monsters? Easier to carry a set of cards with shorthand information than a bestiary.

>>51466566
>KEK
>Iris' drools a little looking at the jar. Sniffing from behind the caprahn
>>51466631
>Iris nods shyly, still eyeing the tasty snack.

>>51466625
>Lurco walks over and pops the bubble
Lurco: Hey, do you know where the Sword Sage went?

>>51466631
>Wraps an arm around her
So, how good do you think my chances would be?

>>51466679
>>51466693
>firefox borked on me...
>Iris looks up to the Shaman
T-this one is Iris, this is the name lord Lurco has bestowed upon this one, yes. This one remembers stories of the other shamans from outside of the crater of H'Zzrath.

>now free from his bindings, Pel-hot is left standing in the hallway, somewhat confused by the fact that hes still alive.
>shrugging, he sets to work finding the library

>>51466735
>Emilia looks around
Uh, erm, ah, that way!
>points to a random direction

>>51466693
Do you want a snack?

>>51466735
>She blushes at his very strong arms
Pretty good...

>>51466757
Oh, hi Emilia!
>Waves
>Is wrapped in Glug's arm

>>51466579
That's the point! You confuse them and overload their minds. Most undead aren't that intelligent. Present company excepted, but zombies typically can't concentrate on too many things at once.

>>51466637
Considering what can happen here.. where'd that wand get to anyway?

>>51466739
I heard similar stories when I was younger as well, I never thought I would become one though! You don't need to be afraid of the others around here though, they're a little daft at times but thats about it.
>Yeah, right. Redcloaks exist for a reason

>>51466755
Down the hall, the big doors. Some advice: do NOT turn the books back in late. Wizards are carefree with their lives, but not their books.

>>51466774
>Emilia looks at them
>deadpan
>hfw
>https://youtu.be/K4RMQoibrto?t=2m10s

>billy is exactly as bored as when he got here.

File: 12953154.jpg (466KB, 600x800px) Image search: [Google]

466KB, 600x800px

>walks in, looking a bit put-off.

So who here has the weird undead problem?

>>51466757
Lurco: Thanks.
>He gives her a hug and runs off

>>51466774
>He gives a smirk and then prepares himself for a possible conversation with Emilia

>>51466838
Is something wrong?

>>51466879
>Lightly pushes him towards Emilia

>>51466608

I'm here to ask for a favor, actually. Our elder brain has undergone something of a growth spurt lately. He wants to know if he can crash in your pool for a couple days.

>>51466612
>Does a quick scan of your thoughts.

Nechronomancy? Interesting... I have not heard of this field. Would you mind summarizing it for me? I feel it would be rude of me to probe further, not to mention the, hmm, anomalies, surrounding the subject.

>>51466815
Ah, I hadn't thought of that! I'm new to the whole "summoning slightly more intelligent undead" thing. I shall return soon!
> Rob quickly walks out the door

>>51466887
It was unpredicted.
>cracks a smile
I guess I should be happy for my d-Gluglobul.
>>51466872
Hello Samantha.
>Emilia makes brief

>>51466938
...
>Sam gets the feeling she just missed something.

>>51466944
Hello Emilia.

.after some time, pel-hot emerges again, this time clutching a book
I HAVE FOUND IT! MY REVENGE IS ALMOST COMPLETE!

So we're looking for more men?

>>51466774
>Iris looks about shiftily, mostly listening to Nohma
>Shi nods hesitantly, still eyeing the brain in the jar out of the corner of hir eye
>>51466815
>Iris looks back up to the shaman, as if waiting for some sage advice

>>51466872
> does a 180 and pops back inside
That would be me. I think they're forming a union or something. I was about to go back and try to confuse them back into obedience. Did you have something better and/or more interesting in mind?

>>51466887
>He looks at Carmina confused

>>51466916
Um, uh, er, talk to her for that.
>He points to Sam >>51466959

>>51466978
Oh. You want to DO things with undead.
>Sammy frowns a bit.

That's not what I anticipated being called in for.

>>51466964
Seems to be the case, Ellen.

>>51466963
...ho boy. What now?

>>51466970
>She pulls out a small piece of bacon

>>51466964
I guess so.

>>51466963
What revenge?

>>51466944
Look, he's your dad right? You should at least be able to refer to him as father. But I'm not going to pretend I know how to fix this.

>>51466986
Come on, TALK TO EACH OTHER.

>>51466916
There could be a problem there, there's something wrong with the pool I believe.. although the details escape me. Shouldn't be too difficult a fix if it's a priority however.

>>51466963
"How to cook puppies and grill baby seals: an adventure in consuming cuteness by A. Monster"? Are you quite sure that is the right one?

>>51466959
Hi.
>an awkward exchange
>>51467000
Was my dad, I think we should probably get me emancipated at this point.

>>51466994
>>51467000
I SHALL AT LAST HAVE REVENGE UPON THE NOBLEMAN THAT DISHONORED MY SISTER.
WITH THIS SPELL I SHALL ROB HIM OF HIS MANHOOD FOREVER!

>>51467007
wait what? curses!

>>51466994
>>51467000

There's nothing wrong with having more men, right?

>>51466994
> Rob shrugs
Sorry to disappoint. Back to the lair it is then. Wish me luck!
> Rob leaves the premises.

>>51466970
Best thing to do around here is just go with the flow, and take advantage of free food. Actually, that's a good thing to do most of the time.

>>51466978
I can't think it's a long term solution, mind. Banishing them and trying again might be better. Or use golems instead, there's some crossover I think. Depends on the golem, and the undead.

>>51467000
>Iris looks confused by all the random things happening but focus' upon the bacon, drooling more, eyes glimmering.

>>51467000
Talk to her? I don't thin-

>>51467016
Emancipated? I- urgh- that's not really...

>He takes a deep breath and lets it out

>>51467016
...Hello
>continued awkward

>>51467021
...riiight.

>>51467035
Not at all. Just that...well, the ratios are what they are right now.

>>51467047
I was j-
>aaaand he's gone.

...ookay then.
>She finds a chair and just flops down in a heap

>>51467021
>pel-hot storms back towards the library, emerging a while later with a diffrent book
THIS! (IVE DOUBLE CHECKED.) THIS IS THE SPELL THAT WILL SEAL MY REVENGE!

>>51467021
Might have the wrong dust cover, but be stored in the right place?

>>51467021
...Huh?

>>51467035
I guess not.

>>51467054
>Carmina throws it towards Iris

>>51467016
>>51467061
Look, you two need to at least sit down and talk to each other.
>Carmina pulls out a spool of thread
>She quickly wraps one end around each of their wrists
It's not coming off at the behest of anything either of you two do, so come to A decision.

I'm doing this for you, Glug, and for you, miss 'stuff me in revealing outfits'

>>51466916
"It's not really an official field, it's more of an accidental mixing of textbooks... though it does mean the people I bring back actually look like normal people... though there's some... oddities that come with the revived, occasionally. And zombies, zombies are a major issue, they tend to scream nonstop..."

>>51467095
look, right here; the gender reversal spell. with this i plan to ruin the life of the man who has so insulted my sister! if he likes using his penis so much, then hes got another thing coming!

>>51467095
>Iris snatches it from the air without thinking in hir sharp little fangs
>>51467084
>Shi turns and looks to Nohma for approval

>>51467077

You know, I never bothered to notice. We could use the Bards. Isn't there some song about men falling from the sky? We have summoners to maybe infuse the words if the Bards can't, right?

File: Trucidor.jpg (493KB, 1920x1080px) Image search: [Google]

493KB, 1920x1080px

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

>>51467160
...
if you think the gender ratios here are slanted towards women, it's nothing compared to them.

And I'd know.

>>51467102
Reminds me of the retconjurors. Wait, no.. that was a story, that didn't really happen. I...think?

>>51467139
I hesitate to say it, but that sounds like rather advanced magic for your first spell. Have you considered just kicking him really hard in the relevant area?

>>51467158
>approving goat nods

>>51467164
Oh shush. Nobody asked you to watch those.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

>>51467077
...how you doin'?
>>51467061
You're right, Emancipation would imply crime, you should disown me, I mean legally. You've already disowned me verbally.
>>51467000
hmm.
>>51467095
>dodge!
>>51467164
AAAAAAHHHHH

>>51467189
this is all just point and shoot, isnt it?
you just read the bit here; "axaelengre streshnefekt calpagion"
>theres a flash of light

File: 1483381141377.jpg (162KB, 1024x768px) Image search: [Google]

162KB, 1024x768px

>>51464138
Bah, what's the point? Most of the women in the guild are probably transsexuals anyways.
My self included
Want to go reagent shopping, girlfriends?

>>51467183

I'm not saying we should assimilate the Bards, but what's ever stopped us from using them?

Rolled 12 (1d20)

>>51467139
That's... Overkill.

>>51467158
>Carmina giggles as she watches
Good, cute kid.

>>51467201
>Roll to succeed!

>>51467249
Wait, what?!

I am a male, and I am willing to join this illustrious guild.

>>51467095
What!? But-!
>He groans at the thread
She probably doesn't even want to talk about it.
Not that I blame her. Entirely.

>>51467201
Why.. w-why would you want that?
I- Would it make you feel... more... uh... comfortable?

>>51467201
...okay, I guess.

>>51467249
I just did my shopping last week, should be good for the rest of the year.

>>51467254
As someone who attempted to be a troubadour herself, the drama isn't worth it.

>>51467189
>Iris smiles excitedly, nomming the baconz
>>51467164
>Then stares in horror at Trucidor
kek
>>51467249
>But is quickly distracted
What is, these words?
>Iris is a hermaphrodite, hir race almost entirely lacking 'females'

>>51467239
Well, no there's a certain amount of- ANCESTORS WHAT?!

>>51467249
They're what?

>>51467271
What?! Oh wait, no. This is normal. Yes, hello! You are a mage then?

>>51467282
I mean you already did....
>>51467261
>>51467282
<Emilia sighs
How am I supposed to /lead/ now?!
>>51467286
That's...groovy.

>>51467321
That was-
Well-
Um, lead?

>>51467286

Oh. Yea, I suppose drama is their specialty. Have we tried summoning without the song?

>>51467306
Yes I am, though I'm fairly new at the craft.

>>51467333
My country, full of racists!

>>51467321
Right.

...So, Amity. Thoughts?

>>51467348
It just isn't the same.

>>51467350
You, uh...you might want to have a chat with Noel, if you come across her.

>>51467303
Did you like the bacon?

>>51467282
>>51467321
Look, you two obviously TRY to care about each other, so just SIT DOWN AND TALK! It'll help both of you solve issues!

>>51467367
She's....a little overboard....
>>51467379
>Emilia leans over and begins trying to gnaw off her arm at the shoulder
>the silk is meant for resisting blades, let alone teeth

>>51467303
That- oh, that word. Hmm, you know magic can change a lot of things, right? Turn water to air and dirt to metal? That means someone who has changed from a girl to a boy, or the other way around.
Doesn't often happen outside of mages because it's a complicated magic.
>shrugs
It can be odd, but in all things you go with the flow.

>>51467350
Any specialities yet? Or perhaps a generalist?

>>51467367

Well, then aside from some sort of mass polymorph, recruitment seems to be the best answer then, forced or otherwise.

>>51467360
I- er, what's the problem?

>>51467379
>Glug really doesn't have a response to that even though he's really trying hard to come up with a response

>>51467379
>Iris plops onto the ground, licking hir paws, nodding hir head.

>>51467423
>Smiles
>Walks over and considers petting the Crocuta

>>51467406
That won't work.

>>51467420
>Sighs

>>51467406
I mean, I figured you'd appreciate overboard.
>Sammy shrugs.

I'll ask her to dial it back a little then.

>>51467419
The mass polymorph thing already got tried, so yes. recruitment. Diana mentioned something about advertising...?

Rolled 4 (1d20)

>>51467420
andtg Im noth stopth my train
>and I'm not stopping my training
>she chews at fabric
>>51467440
>>51467441
>intense chewing of fabric

>>51467408
Currently a generalist, but conjuration is giving me quite a bit of trouble... you wouldn't happen to know any tips or tricks, would you?

>>51467350

If you ever find yourself stuck without a body, come see me I guess. Just stay out of the janitorial closet on the 5th floor.

>>51467441

Advertisement? Right. That would do it. I'd suggest a big blimp, but that didn't go so well last time. Fliers? Maybe we could scatter some enchanted parchment that seeks out guys with magical aptitude.

>>51467476
What even is Decarnation?

>>51467408
>>51467440
>Iris cocks hir head, unaware of Carmina
What're those? Some variety of monster, no?

>>51467462
That's... not an answer to my question.

>>51467440
...I'm trying.

>>51467306
>the flash-bang effect recedes. you seem to have gone down one lean wild eyed madman, and up one lean wild eyed madwoman
GODS ABOVE, WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?

>>51467462
Great, now I've got a weird craving for cloth.

>>51467471
Well.. in a sense. Knowing the subject matter you're summoning is often more important than the actual spell I find. Especially so if it is intelligent. What kind of things were you trying to summon- I mean conjure? I always get them mixed up.

>>51467476
She mentioned some form of posters, I believe.

>>51467462
Emilia...
>Sammy sighs.

What do you want from me?

>>51467527
From what I understand, summons are for living things, conjuration is inanimate things.

Then again, I do neither, so...
>She shrugs again.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

>>51467490
Nope, don't worry, no monsters here. Boys and girls are just genders. I'm a girl, for example. Glug is a boy. You're a... Uh...
>Looks over Iris

>>51467523
>>51467462
>Strengthens the thread!
>And the fabric of Emilia's clothes

>>51467547
She doesn't want anything.
Except possibly being removed from this situation where Carmina is trying to get us to talk things out and since we are two dysfunctional people we don't know how to do that.

>>51467558
...You're getting better.

>>51467547
Right now to be free!
>>51467558
Rah!
>unnaturally angry Emilia
>>51467523
This is my problem!

>>51467490
Girls and boys? Well.. you must have noticed two main types of human around, right? There's a difference I face, if you look around, see? And the chests are different. So, for example..

>>51467526
Ah! There's one. See, he was a boy before and now a girl. Seems he forgot to aim his magic before casting! He really is a bit silly isn't he?

>>51467547
That's generally it, but I think there are exceptions. And faulty translations.