Whats your party's most memorable qoutes

>>51433843
REMOV CYPHER

"That was an inferior quality door! See how easily it smashed and splintered? That wouldn't have happened if you shopped at Dwarf Brothers Door Co.! So should I get you fine fellows a catalogue?"

>>51433843
"Hurry! Take the children to the brothel!"
Context will not be provided, believe whatever you want to believe happened

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>>51433998
We all know exactly what the context was.

>>51433998

Dynamite?

DYNAMITE

>"Wait, which rape?"

We've never truly let that player live that down.

"Are you telling me you wouldn't risk the lives of your children for gold? What are you, savages?!"
(said to actual savages)

>>51433843
Can i use uncanny doge to doge the end of the universe?

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>>51434952
>uncanny doge

>>51433843

"I am looking for the people who are looking for the people I'm looking for"

>>51433843
From the Bard:
>"JENNY! I WANT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU!"

I found it rather simple and and cute.

And during a modern game set in Germany by the dick breath Gary: "Ahh the eternal Kraut is at it again."

>"Oh blah blah blah Grave danger blah blah blah you've been warned blah blah what the fuck ever"
Said by our party rogue to the guardians of the portal to the dreamlands as he walked right through it.

We're in town. Every month on the full moon, a pack of werewolves comes into town. We find this out... as the full moon comes out.

Two-weapon ranger in the loft room hears the howling, boots open the window and yells out, "LOOKS LIKE IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH, GUYS!"

>>51434055

What the actual fuck?

>>51433998
Whorphanage. It's called a whorphanage.

>>51433843
>"Oh geez buddy, you gotta buildin' permit for this joint? I'm lookin' at these pillahs 'ere and I gotta say, this ain't up to code"
>Paladin in fake mustache concurs
>"Not up to code at all. Ooooh yeah that's gotta go."
>continue for 1/2 hour

>>51433843
"Look, if we were sneaking in, why would we be walking through the FRONT door?"

Amazingly, they bought it

>>51433843
"I need to do the math to identify the assholes for him"

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>>51433843

Had to roleplay the ritual for my character to become a Lich. Had to die first, of course. So we asked an NPC to kill my mage. My character and her had quite an angry relation, as Remind was the favorite student of our common mage master, but she was his daughter, much more skilled at magic than he was.

And they were a family of black dragons.

Since Remind was always in some kind of troubles (with everyone: good, evil, everything you want), many wanted to kill him.

So that's when she said...

>''Everyone wants to kill the bastard you are, yet I don't fucking care about the honor you're giving me and will just kill you for my fun. Fuck you.''

>>51433843
>"I dont do what's smart, I do what seems smart!"
Said by my rogue to the anti magic paladin NPC I was trying to make friends with.

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>>51433843
"That's a tasty little wolf," says like four different bandits who fumble their rolls to shit and fall into the city-fire that they started, trying to attack the druid's wolf companion.

Also, "CATCH THESE HANDS," quote the Cleric who killed an undead manticore by just pumping her highest level healing spell into it.

"Nothing like sodomy to bring people together"

My undead knight said this but even I can't remember the exact context.

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>"Now that I've taken it, would stealing the egg from the dragon's nest count as stealing from its horde?"

>>51433843
"Hey boss the mute guy wants to talk to you"

"Vodka!"

In a hunter the reckoning game:
*In bad german accent*"Achtung, you must all flee, live, marry and make more little hunters ja?"

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>>51433843
From the PF game:
>After puching a hole in the Moon, the god fast pitches back to earth. Make a fortitude save not to ignite in the atmosphere.

"Cult registration forms please."

After the third time they actually had the papers
The Paladin didn't care

In the first campaign I ever played, the ranger of our group rolled for survival to try and track a couple of orc patrols back to their base. He rolled a 20, and our DM said;

>You pretty much learn everything you possibly can from their foot prints. One walks with a limp in a practiced manner, as if from an old injury, and you can tell that the other likes to waltz.

One of those "had to be there" moments, but it cracked us up at the time.

Another DM, another campaign, an NPC was telling us how bad it was living with his curse, and said in all seriousness;
>It's a nightmare, I absolutely cannot bear it!
His curse was being a were-bear.

>>51433843
"GODDAMMIT. Just when I thought Jesus couldn't be any more of a faggot, there he is gaping his asshole into an ever widening maw threatening to consume the universe!"

DMing a campaign over a year ago, the party had finally made their way to the end of a magical dungeon that the snarky, wisecracking villain had set up just for them. He likes to talk, and decided to give them a history lesson.

"Before the city was founded, there was a system of caves here, which a large pack of gnolls called their home. Instead of losing lives by clearing them out, the founders had wizards and explosives experts set off detonations in key places to collapse the tunnels over their heads. Then, they built this city... they built this city on rock and gnoll."

The monk replied "REALLY? Ok, fine, that's nice. I'm tired of this place and your stupid smirking face. Are we free to go now?"

"Yes, you're free... FREE FALLING."

Cue the trap door opening beneath their feet, dropping them into the remains of the gnoll caves past the outskirts of the city. The players are all fans of classic rock, and appreciated the cheeky jokes.

>>51433843
"The telepath approaches the podium, and a wave of sexcitement washes over the crowd."

>wait, isn't this the guy with the huge harem?

Telepath: "Oh- whoops! Sorry about that everyone. Force of habit. The arousal will pass in a few minutes I swear."

>>51433843

Our party was tracking some kinda giant ants that had ravaging a countryside. Anyway, the party was mostly smartasses, and one of the party was a too-literal half-orc samurai.

We came across a camp that had these brownish black clumps (about the size of watermelons) all over the place - nobody knew what they were, and no one wanted to fuck with them (there was some out of character thought that they might be eggs or mines). half orc samurai walks up and breaks one open, immediately screws his face up.

>Half Orc: Its offal!
>party monk: It surely is (thinking he said awful)
>Half Orc: ...
>Half Orc: No I mean its feces

> I make an executive decision and plant a .44 slug in his forehead.

two seconds later

> I make another executive decision and shoot myself in the head.

Goddamn body-possessing demon motherfuckers almost killed a good character that day.

>>51433843
>Alright, I will use the buckteeth of the dire beavers to make some new fetishes.

>You are the voice in the back of everyone's head, who is ultimately ignored.
>You mean 'conscience'?
>Yeah!

>Honestly, we are the best educators there are: the boy is going to be the biggest badass by the time he becomes an adult.

>It's raining Hippogriffs!

"That dummy is a worthy opponent"

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Pic related.

Our parties barbarian

"Can I fish recklessly?"

>>51441007
This act lead to an entire galaxy being more or less fucked through a series of events.
>precious galaxy
>"I space the robot"
This too, lead to that entire galaxy being fucked.

>>51433843
"Fuck gobbos lmao"

"So you're telling me the guy who just tried to rob the bank is your friend?"
"Yep.........oh shit wait"

>>51433843
"No Angus. Please don't fuck that"

"I wanted to be the Princess for once"

"Stairs will waste time. I will just go through the floor instead."

"It's not a bhurka. I'm a ninja."

>>51443476
Oh and another favourite "because fuck you!"

>>51433843
"I'm between a rock and a pregnant place!"

>>51433843
"Presenting his majesty king cucked the bastard child!"

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>>51434055
Jesus Christ.

The party had recently been bestowed lordships, and had effectively been split. This is a conversation the DM (myself), had with the player of Altair, the wood elf ranger.

DM: After investigating the pixie king's claims, your scouts do indeed discover an army of several hundred ogres preparing to march on the pixie kingdom. They're preparing to take the fight to the pixies, and will be setting off already by now, and will pass through your lands. What are you going to do?

Player: Well.... I'll just have to deal with them.

DM: ....Okay, in what way? Are you going to muster up a militia or-

Player: I'll deal with them.

DM: ...what, personally?

Player: I think I'll have to, yeah.

The lone wood elf ranger then proceeded to head to intercept the couple hundred ogres mid-march, and climbed to the top of the trees in the redwood forest, where he proceeded to roll for stealth before assaulting the incoming army with longbow attacks with enchanted returning arrows.

A LOT of time later, the fucker managed to confuse, terrify, outplay and take down every single ogre, BY HIMSELF.


Altair is now considered a badass by the entire group, and we still reference this moment in reverence often, Altair, he deals with it.

Well, we've only had one session, but there's maybe:

"Can't stop me Nikki."

and

"I's don' geddit" - a memorable line (repeated often already) from our half orc barbarian after getting told of for breaking the kobolds neck mid-interrogation, as somebody had said in passing "It would be better if he didn't run off to warn anyone." Amidst the discussion.

>>51433843
"You better get back down there and crawl through that tunnel of decaying, rattling bones, or I'll GIVE you something to cry about!"

>>51433843
Dirk don't do dong.

>>51433843
>"I never would have thought the goddess of humans would be a fat-titted cow."
>>51439700
Goatsesus?

>>51433843
"LET'S GO FIGHT THE DIRE LION!"

Also, the negative, unclear, or doesn't feel like answering result on any divination is now "Pterodactyl Screeching".
The DM was trying to do horror/mystery, and their solution for Speak With Dead was to have a soul eating demon thing come by and eat the guy halfway through the interrogation. He tried to do sudden jumpscare screaming in person. It did not go well.

A new guy decided to stealth behind a fellow PC and try to steal from him in a combat situation:

"Dude, I just need you to know, you are a grown ass man, you make your own decisions, and I am NOT responsible for the consequences."

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>>51449091
Did he get his shit kicked in?
I hope he got his shit kicked in.

"Speak now or forever fuck that Gorilla!"

>party knocks on the door of cultist HQ
>asked who they are
>"We're, uh... The girl scouts."

One from a.monk party member: "Whoah, apples? Fancy. The monastery only let us have oranges."

>>51433843
>A runabout... WE'LL STEAL IT! NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW!

Obviously they were trying to steal a getaway vehicle without anyone noticing. The fuckwit who screames (yes screamed) that meme meant it out of character. But he did it so loudly that I decided enough was enough.

>God's above, are you fucking serious? You challenged a Bugbear to a duel? And you're surprised he cheated?
>He swore on his honor!
>HE HAD A DEAD HALFLING MOUNTED ON HIS SHIELD!
Our Paladin had an unreasonably high opinion of man-eating goblinoids. It almost always went poorly for him.

>>51433843
"Clive who?"

Soo wfrp2ed and two of players both dwarves go back to the slaughtered caravan to bury bodies. One of the players is a entertainer and is ventriloquilist with a.. elf thingie. So he offers the other player to go to the bushes and have some fun in high pitched voice instead of his normal dwarf one. Took me by total surprise bevause he didnt specify he said that with the elf thingie on his hand and I was laughing so hard I couldnt breathe, crying from laughter aswell

>I fucking hate this country. The whole damn place is going to shit. Since we came here, we've been ambushed by ninjas four times and had five, fucking FIVE, separate dungeons collapse on us. There's no goddamn building code, just fucking ninjas everywhere. Every single temple, tower and castle is one fucking second away from falling in on itself. Fuck Japan. I'm fucking glad I'm dead.
For context, my fighter had just been crushed by another collapsing building.

>>51450077
>Back story
>Group (6 PCs in total) is leaving haunted house (First in game day)
>Ranger is carrying out everyone else in the party who are unconscious with the Rogue
>Rogue is attacked by a swarm of rats and is now dying
>Rogue eventually fails all 3 throws and dies 5 feet from the exit
>Ranger could of killed the rats but after Rogue dies he lights the house on fire after taking everything off the Rogue's body
>Ranger tells everyone else that he tried to save the rogue and everyone else eventually forgets the rogue
>Player who had rogue, remakes a new char who was rogue's apprentice and looks for their teacher
>PC all now besides new PC are always "Clive who?"


R.I.P. Clod

*half-orc after going blind yelling*
WOW ITS REALLY DARK ALL OF THE SUDDEN
*after going deaf later in that same campaign*
FUCK I'M BLIND AGAIN

>>51449160
He got his shit kicked VERILY in.

>>51433843
>"He's piloting the golem!"
And that's how G(nome) Golem was retroactively born in the setting.

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>>51433843

>>51433843
We had a new player in the group. He played a diplomat and the group had just found a lost child.

>Ranger: What should we do with this kid?
>Diplo: Dude, whatever, fuck the kid.
>Sorc: Don't diddle children.
>Diplo: What? No, I mean let's just kill the damn kid and move on. Who cares about the kid?
>Ranger: Wait, is this you or your character saying this?
>Diplo: Me. My character would never kill a kid. He's a good guy.

"How dare you insult my mother! You want to see how much of a savage I am, paladin!? I'm going to fucking eat you!"

And then after the battle, the barbarian ate him.

"There's no elegant way to take a corpse our of a bag."

"Actually, I still have another corpse in my bag..."

>>51433843
"If we make it through this, I'll forgive you for everything."

"If we make it through this... I will too."

>>51450257
Tbh the I set the house on fire BEFORE I left Cliff or whatever his name to die.

>You mean the Trading Post?

The party was in Luskan and one party member, a red dragonborn, had gone missing overnight. The party asked around town if anyone "had seen a large red dragon". Invariably, the townsfolk replied with some version of the above line.

>>51433843
"Oh crap there's demons in here!"
A quote we used to lure a series of very very low intelligence demons out of a trap infested room into a bunch of attacks of opportunity in the hall way, one at at time.

"I have a solution!" - Alchemist catchphrase

We're totally not pirates!

It's become the campaign tag line.
Totally not pirates quest. And they aren't, quite.

"So he wants a knife fight, eh? Fine. A knife fight he wants, a gunfight he gets!"

>>51433843
>I set fire on fire
My sword mage. Has Irresistible Flame, which drops the targets resist fire by 20. This results in many enemies that normally one could not set on fire, being set on fire. With some hilarity.

>>51452636
Oh, we also refer to one character as "crystal jesus" as he is made of crystal and is our healbot.

"Please get in the punishment line"

>>51452636
>>51452859
Oh just remembered another one. From our L5R campaign:
"Basically Asian Cthulhu"
Referencing this super weird forest where people are born with traits specific to certain clans. Myself (a sugenja) and another sugenja are both now paranoid of the area. Our curiosity bit us in the ass it seems.

>>51433843

"Gold will melt and run to the basement, and magic items can't be destroyed by non-magical fire. I say we revisit this arson idea."

It's become a recurring event.

>>51447892

I can't help but note that that was the end of the interrogation, not the middle.

>"I want one of those [massive sci-fi creatures]"
>"They're too big for your ship"
>"Alright then, I want one of the babies"
>"They don't come in babies"
>"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DON'T COME IN BABIES?"

There was a solid second before we all lost our shit laughing.

>"Do you have any books on... crop rotation?"
>followed by a pair of wiggled eyebrows

Town they're currently in has a lockdown on magical items so when a PC sold the spellbook he got from the last dungeon, the gnome he bought it from pretended it was a book on crop rotation. Henceforth illegal activities are referred to as "books on crop rotation"

>>51433843
We ran a Vikings based D&D campaign. Things got fairly Off The Hook.

Then when it ended, the GM ran another campaign (Star Wars this time), so the same group of us showed up, and hijacked it, declaring this new campaign was "Vikings 2: Pimps in Space edition".

It got weird.

We've been recording every insane or stupid thing one of our players says. It's become quite the list over the years.

>I'm gonna flick out my last ball

>She's a girl, she's supposed to have hair

>Do you guys wanna keep drilling this old woman?

>I wanna punch her in the face with my staff

>>51433843
"I'm gonna hit him with a laser beam from Jesus."
"Be quiet. I'm summoning slave labor."
"Were you aware that your father is a faggot?"

"She was 2, how attached can you be?"

I played a robot character in a Science Fiction game who was a ship defense unit retasked as muscle in a grey ops team.

While the rest of the party was having dinner with a militia leader we were supporting, I was outside, scanning the perimeter with a green, underage militia sentry.

He tried to strike up conversation, asking me about how my character handles fear. I decided instead of shutting down the topic in the cliche "Robots don't feel" way, I was going to run with it.

Since my bot had been reprogrammed to prioritize mission parameters, I was honest.

"In conflict situations, reviewing objectives and the units you are supporting can help reduce felt stress. My comrades would use terms like "What I'm fighting for" and "Thinking of home"."

He then asked me a dumb question: "How many people have you killed?"

"Two-hundred and eighty seven" was the immediate reply.

The young sentry spend a few moments mulling over the number before saying "Wow... I don't think I know that many people."

The response was "Don't be concerned, I didn't know them either."

Our bard often wrote down some of his "poetry" when he was muted, which happened often because he had Cacophonix's skills.
He often mispelled words for giggles, but he once wrote "amor" (love in spanish) as "hamor" (Let's translate that as lhove).

For some reason, we gave "lhove" it's own pronounciation (emphatizing the A) and it's own nuance. We kind of forgot about it once he finished the campaign.

In a completely unrelared campaign, the same player played a paladin, but he didn't specify what god he was a paladin of.

>DM: So, what are your PC's beliefs?
>Paladin: Lhove is the law, lhove under will.

"Why am I sexually attracted to the fox lady?"
Some pathfinder seductress kitsune made us all roll will saves to not fall in love with her. My character was a gay human who believed that cross-species love was immoral and disgusting. Que me rolling a one.

"That's, uhh, good enough for you"

Said by player to his lifelong friend, as said friend was dying.

Playing a fantasy game
A huge explosion injures half of the party.

Said with a really serious tone
«It's clear. Booby trap.»

"I am here to administer Pelor's blessing, and it will hurt a lot"
Cheesy I

"You're all going to die."

we actually intimidated the BBEG into fucking off and leaving us alone. we still hunted him down and killed him. when you make a threat you follow through.

"Stop staring at my cloaca!"

"It's not gay if you save 10 platinum "

I fucked an illithid. And after several bribes was no longer going to die

"You know what's worse than a cannibal? A racist cannibal."
"What about a picky one?"
"Same thing."

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>>51435903
Clever.

>>51433843
>"You mean 'collapse'?"
>"Yeah... let's go with that."

>I will not bow to a woman ever again! Oh wait you're a dude

>>51454302
"No guts, no glory."
Party had two undead. They were left out of most social events.

"You only started having a problem with me being shirtless when you found out I was a girl, you swine!"

"Our leader is a neutral evil druid because she's the only one who hasn't gotten our face on dead-or-alive posters yet!"

"You are not dying on me before I kill you!". Cue using shocking grasp as defibrillator

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"Shout and fire your pistol into the ceiling."

>I don't think you want anything to do with me, my ancestors have a history of suddenly exploding and I don't think you want that sort of heartbreak.

You can come to me, or I'll come to you and stick my shiny new toy up your own personal newly-torn eye of terror

"I stick my gaffa stick up the bantha's asshole."

Do we have any of those grenades left?
>yeah, three crates bruh, wasn't going to let the heretics keep them. Be funny if we could use them to kill their allies
I think we just came up with plan A

We used them as an impromptu air strike by flinging them out of the open landing bay as we strafed passed.

"What if we just throw a flashbang in there and shoot everyone?" "How do you plan on doing that? The door's locked and it must be six inches thick!" "We knock and they might open"
>they did

"Honor and decency" *stab*
"I cut off his tendons to make bowstrings"
"Bartering with creatures of int 1, or lower. Vol.1"
"-I wanna be able to produce gold from my asshole
-Then work in a brothel!"
"All we have to do is crit Doris three times and we will win"
"Who let you dig trough my backpack for healing potions?!" (player a was digging trough player b's backpack for potions to heal her, since she was at -3 HP. Stupid cunt never played a game where the GM allowed another player to look trough someone elses inventory and got mad)

>>51455079
forgot a good one
>GM rustling trough character sheets
>Alright Balg, rationalize to me how you have 8 dexterity and 8 strength but 22 constitution, otherwise you can't play this character
>uh
>well you see he is a wizard that works in a really high tower, and every day he has to climb up a very very long flight of stairs when he goes to work

everybody just about pissed their pants laughing, the GM approved it.

"I'm going to negotiate with the bomb to prevent it from exploding right now."

He fucking succeeded and we managed to get away.

>bard, in front of paladin
>who here has problems with killing the innocent?

>neutral good cleric
Cut off his tongue!

>>51434952
My favorite was the rogue asking to use Uncanny Dodge to dodge point blank explosion that blew up a third of a city.

>"TUESDAY DIIIIIIIICE!"

For whatever reason, we can not play games on Tuesday, as the dice gods seem to have that day be the day of fuckery. Crit every useless check, critfail everything else.

"Are you sure you want to follow him? I mean, for a leader.. his eyes, you know, they're a little far apart."

This from a crow, motioning how far apart someone's eyes are with his wings

Our party was in another room listening in on some cultists searching for ancient tomes. Our rogue peeked in and saw that most were sitting down at tables.
>Our Monk decides to charge in
>He shouts, "Looking for books, huh?! Well I'm the fucking librarian!"
>Instantly kills one cultist with a punch
>KOs a cultist sitting down next to the first one
It was a fun game.

>>51453192
This is hilarious.

>You know what would be a great way of getting a ranger here to help us in the middle of nowhere?
>let's set the forest ablaze! surely that will lure a ranger to us!

"I roll to nonchalantly elbowdrop his face."

Critical 1. Broke her elbow.

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"Why are you a horse? When did you become a horse?" - The Grim Reaper asking our rogue after a polymorph mishap.

Ranger: "There's no way I'm going to help you kill an innocent woman"

Barbarian (and he was genuinely annoyed): "well then you won't get a share of the reward!"

I was playing in a merfolk game and my character was an old lionfish merfolk, priest of a merfolk god, while another player RP'd my daughter Lorelai, a high cha/low int bard. a rebellious and flirtatous 16-year old focused on trying to mate with any fucking fish in the sea and every male human sailor from the surface, though she didn't understand why they all died after a few seconds underwater.
Cue my constant preparation of glyph of warding on her bedroom's 'windows', and secretly controlling her. After we met another member of the party, who was a human revenant pirate who fell on the ocean floor, I was yelling on a daily basis 'LOOOORELAAAAI' at the top of my gills.
In the end she fucked a half-merfolk (shark merfolk) pirate who was fucking with our environment.
Fucking kids.

"If I'm going to kill a dog, what more is 4 people?"

Said after accidentally rolling a 20 and choking an old guys dog to death for a hat he dropped to rationalize killing said old man and 3 witnesses

>"Hey Aldo, you're fine with you being mind-controlled for now, right?"
>"Yeah, at least until whatever you mages put on me wears off, then I'll do my best to kill you!"

Aldo never did try to kill us, but we did give him a job at our pub cause he wasn't a dick about being charmed. He was the best follower we've ever had.

So I was playing a rogue gopnik and I see this nice looking sword because daddy's current sword is under performing and seeing as how I had a time constraint I booked it to the sword disregarding traps making my saves like a boss all the while screaming "AHH NUUU CHEEKI BREEKII!!!!", he died afterwards since he had to run back through the traps again and my luck had run out

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>>51433843
>be me, first time playing Gurps
>GM is explaining the "enemy" trait
GM: In essence, your character (an overweight beat cop) arrested some redneck kid and his family is pissed- dunno when they may come up... but odds are it's gonna happen.

Me: Soo... its like the Banjo of Damocles?

The GM's eye starts to twitch, GM's friend falls out of his chair laughing and my dad snorts so hard he shoots coffee out of his nose.

Good times.

>DM: You know, I would've liked for you guys to be able to come BACK to this town.
>Me, Cleric: Well maybe if they had just bent to the will of Cthulhu, we wouldn't have gotten into this situation!
>DM: CTHULHU ISN"T EVEN YOUR DEITY

"The time for snuggling has passed!"

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"Does divine smite do extra radiant damage to gays?"

>>51468567
Well does it?

>during a plot dump
>"bored now. Raping!"

>>51468567
Well I imagine that depends on your deity/ideology

"Did we win?"
My fighter, after every encounter until the party hit level 8 and he got dropped to negatives before the cleric stabilized him.

>>51448358
Did you fuck her?

"I'm not powerful enough to be lawful evil"

"I take out my shovel"

Said by a player whose character would always dig up corpses of dead party members to take their loot, including one of his own previous characters. He'd also try to loot people while they were still dying, but not yet dead.

>>51451336
Oh man this hits home, plenty of "Fuck, I just wanna burn this place down, but I'm a NG druid and I wouldn't like that.

>Planescape.
>Party got hands on the lamp with powerful dijni inside.
>Turns out he is traditionalist as fuck and also mean shit.
>We asked about knowledge about one person connected to case we were solving. - He forced info out of it.
>Asked for equipment - stole it from shop in Sigil.

>Angry party members muttering as we summon him and confronted about this.
>Nothing work.
>"Well, you have third wish or can I go back to lamp." - ask with grin.
>Our pissed off tiefling ranger tells in rage.
>GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE ARISE WAIT YOUR OWN COCK.
>Dinji pales suddenly and stop smiling.
>Disappeared into lamp
>Weird screams and moans from it.
>Realisation hits.

>>51471209
With* not wait

"Open up your door good gentleman. We are the vault inspectors. Here to inspect your vault. "

>>51433843
Playing a Paladin of Myrhiss back in the day. "Laying on Hands" in the name of the goddess of love was taken somewhat literally.
Random noble asks us to help heal his wife, so I go to it and get all handsy which causes him to flip out. The party's fighter holds him back and says:

"Shhh sire, the goddess won't let him heal your wife if she doesn't feel the love."

>>51471283
The next day noblemen were catching on. So the team had to change tactics. "Hello we are the vault inspector inspectors. There had been a nasty cafe of vault inspectors as of late. We must inspect your vaults to make sure no inspectors have gotten in. " goddamned maxed out bluff checks.