The Worst Session Ever

A bard, a fighter/sorcerer spiked chain build, a monk/sorcerer, a spiked chain trip fighter/monk, and me.

The bard I knew well and he built to be debuff and did fine. Played as a friendly explorer and enjoyed the world my brother had made.

Fighter/Sorcerer was kinda my fault, an old build I came up with for a low level character, it is actually quite good at level 5, (whirlwind gives light AoE all day and you still have a few second level spells to cast) but it begins to lag at 8 and by 10 just being a full sorcerer is way better. After some prodding I convinced my brother to just make the guy a full sorcerer and be done with it. He didn’t and instead went weapon focus on something spellsword style, overall a meh build but whatever. Flirted with everyone and was kinda up in the clouds, but he was okay.

Monk/Sorcerer is a guess, the guy cast spells and used flurry of blows, but he tended to fuck around in combat so I have no idea what he could do. He also to bumbled into problems, which caused most of our issues. He somehow ended up with a magic cup that spawned random liquid whenever you drank from it, it was some cup of legend and he’d tell everyone we met about it… this did not end well.

The spiked chain guy (we started out with two…) was actually pretty good, he was all trip and a fellow worshiper of Kord and bro to my guy, sucks he left after the second session.

After being told about this list, I looked at the party and realised that we needed a divine meat shield, time to go cleric. After a discussion with a friend I built the most ridiculous cleric I could think of so I didn’t just win for the party.

So after a lot of research I removed my shirt and became SOCRATES PALIMANIA, CHAMPION OF KORD!

Basically it was a full cleric, but built around grappling, my goal was to break grappling and using buffs I got dam close. This was at level 6th (the only character sheet I still have)

Touch Attack: +11
Grapple: +18, and deals 4d6+9dmg on the first round and 3d6+8dmg every round after.

It wasn’t perfect because some of the buffs only lasted rounds, but a metamagic rod of still spell helped fix that. I also never wore a shirt, wore chain pants and one upped every story with a “that was impressive, but one time I wrestled a bears/dragon/god” and was the embodiment of greco roman wrestling. It was ridiculous but I brought some class to it, he had morals about a fair fight and loved a competition.

I played in the first 3 sessions and it went alright, we lost the spiked chain guy and picked up a rogue (she was a face with a dagger, kinda flirty and didn’t really know how to play), it was all meh so far and the plot device was moving us towards this elf town so we made our way there. I left for a session and they did something with a death cleric (my brother loves good death clerics) and somehow ended up with a new character…

It was a paladin demon and that is how the night started… things were about to get so much worse.

tl;dr

So I ask about mister special snowflake, and here is the story I get. He is from a neutral demonkin village in one the planes, so more tiefling then demon but the picture he showed us was a demon so fuck it. This village was invaded by an evil demon Lolth for reasons and weirdly enough some crusading paladins were there and helped save the village, so they became paladins as well. This character was clearly made by the player saying he wants to be a good demon and my brother making that work. His origin was not that bad, just kinda weeb. The build and name (it wasn’t Inuyasha but it might as well have been) confirmed my suspicions, uses claws, no shield just claw. When I asked why I got a “Let me play my character how i want!!1! ” so fuck it balls deep let’s do this.

So we arrive in town. It is a large elf town, mostly based on farming luxury goods (wine grapes and the like), with a rich upper ruling class (high elves) who lounge around and go to parties and a lower slave class (drow) who live in squalor. Now as you may have noticed, this is just one old man in a white suit away from a plantation town, but hilariously my brother (who is a bit of an SJW) did not notice what he’d done. Even as I asked pointed questions “So they grow things like cotton?” “no, more like wine grapes” “so do the drow have to sit at the back of carriages” “no they just walk” it just kept flying over his head. For a bit I thought he was doing this on purpose and this was going to be a story about freedom and helping the downtrodden in a thinly veiled slavery is bad m’ka kinda way, that is not what happened.

So we arrive and go to the traveler/slave bar and this point I’d stopped trying. We go to try to get some info about some mages who may have passed through here and something about a cult. The Sorcerer and Bard, who are elves, goes to the nice part of town to do the same thing. A drow in a suit takes their bags to their fancy room and they shake him down for info. This doesn’t get them anything but the guy is crying at the end hoping he wouldn’t be sent to die in the mines for upsetting the guests, they say they will make sure that wouldn’t happen. Please note the high elves are the good guys here as will become clear in a second.

Back in the slave bar, which is underground, I cast tongues on the group and we just so happen to hear some drow talking about something that could save them all. We keep listening and they say something that I as a cleric recognize as a reference to Lolth (our Mother or something like that) I share this knowledge with the group and Inudumbass smells a chance to be brooding. He says “Lolth is untrustworthy bitch” and they all look at him. He just called their creator goddess a bitch and they ask him to either stop it or leave. He dramatically throws off his hood showing his face, that of a demon of Lolth and all the drow bow apologizing to their goddess for failing to venerate her servant and he calls them fools. Now after some work I convince Dumbass McFightmagnet to bluff them and see what their plan was (he was the best face in the room with our bard away). Basically they are sacrificing their very souls to Lolth in order to kill the masters and free their people, kinda heroic in a way and Socrates thought so as well and figured they just needed some better guidance because Lolth is evil as shit in this world. I suggest we just leave and let them do their thing, those high elves sound like assholes anyway, the rest of the party just kinda listened in, the Sorcerer’s familiar was sitting on our table so he could hear and they got the guards. Edgelord666 continues to insult Lolth (who even non evil drow still feel is their misguided mother and love deeply) and the drow draw weapons. Who the fuck let’s slaves have weapons? McWeebinator stands up and declares that they have to turn away from Lolth now or die, lest they lose more than their lives. The players all draws weapons and I stand and try to apologize and say that we really don’t need to fight, he’s just a bit overzealous is all. They ignore me and I prepare for a fight.

After two rounds where I broke the back of the only enemy with any training (he charged me), Clawy McClawface ripped into a crowd of poorly armed commoners and the rest of the party held ground, the guard kicked the door in and quelled the angry cultists. I healed the dying but not dead cultists do to feeling bad about this stupid fight and healed the one I broke as well. The guards paid me for “preventing loss of property”, and I found a shrine to Lolth, so these were cultists and not just some poor sobs who we insulted to the point of violence.

Terrible player aside I’m most amazed at my brother, the shit characters are par for the course with him (both as a player and gm) but considering he actively supports BLM the fact he somehow accidently made the lesson “we should enslave these people for their own good” floors me.

And with that we ended the session.

Holy shit nigger nobody is going to read all that. Next time condense it into a greentext

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>>51432678

>>51432678
>and says he is running a 3.5
Stopped reading there. I doubt there is anything noteworthy in that wall of text in light of this information.

I read it. The scenario you described doesn't sound so terrible, so I assume it was really the other players that annoyed you.

I enjoyed your story OP