Think of a chapter of Space Marines. Chaos counts. Got it? Good.

>>51090557
>Marines Malevolant

Dead on impact.

>>51090557
Well, having a roomate from the Salamanders is a lot better than most of the other options. Only problem is he would be about as big as my room.

>Lamenters

Bro-time, dream the impossible dream!

>>51090625
Until he dies in a freak space debris accident.

>>51090557

>The Hanged

It appears I am about to TAKE THE KNOT

>>51090557
>Blood Angel
Fun while it lasts.

>>51090557
White scars? Fuck yeah!

>>51090557

>Red Scorpion

Good job I am purestrain human, otherwise I'd be dead. Phew, haha...

>Iron Hands

The flesh is especially weak if you're a chronically ill lanklet like me

>>51090726
>You're in my bunk, fleshling. You know what that means...

>>51090557
>Imperial Fists

I AM FORTIFYING THIS DOMICILE

>Come home to gore soaked appartment
KHAAAARRRRNE!!!!!!

>>51090778
AH YES, THESE WILL MAKE FINE GUN PORTS!

>Alpha Legion

I say we take off and nuke the whole city from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

>>51090557
>Thousand Sons

He probably doesn't do much since he's just an animated suit of armor. That is, until he gets his war call.

>>51090557
>Crimson Fists

Pretty cool. One of the more chilled Chapters. I like Fajitas.

>blood Ravens
On the one hand, I lose everything but the skin off my back.

On the other, as long as I live with him, I get to enjoy all the things he stole from the local best buy.

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Eh, could be worse, but his hectoring can grate. No, I'm not going on a diet, Thawn-Fehl, and I didn't update my resume today either. Jeez.

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>>51090778
>>51090857
We shall make the greatest of Tree Houses, small, pale, people.

>>51090679
Same here.

Fun for a while until he goes apeshit and kills us both.

>Blood Ravens
I hide my stuff.
All of it.
Not that it would do much good, but it's worth a shot.

>space wolves
i eat drink and die, literally from drinking straight jet fuel

>>51090557
>thousand sons
Well, I mean, he'll like the fact that my room is 50% books. He won't like the pet dog though. Also he is the size of my room.
I'm assuming this is a sorcerer. If it's a rubric, I make a living renting him out as a bouncer.

>>51091259
>Implying that they're the room mate.
>Implying that you weren't 'gifted' into being the room mate of a Blood Raven.
>Implying you wouldn't enjoy gifting and re-gifting along side them.

>>51090557
>White Scars
...who? Oh wait, yeah I remember now. Yeah he's a bro. Barely around though, keeps going off on his bike, fuck know what he does. Sorta forgettable in a weird way, which is a shame as when he's around he's great.

>Raven Guard

Not bad. His Chapter culture is respectful of regular mortals. And given that he's a sneaky beakie, after he widened some of the doorways I bet I wouldn't even notice he was there.

>Dark Angels

Well, as long as I don't ask him any questions ever or open his door or bother his little hooded thing he should be a perfectly fine roommate.

>>51091307
What would Christmas be like in the blood Ravens dorm?

>>51091567
Reverse Santa. They go out and "receive" gifts from everyone else, instead of giving gifts.

>>51091567
Either Everyone would buy themselves a fancy gift, then steal from someone else and they'd call that a gift exchange, or they'd sneak over to the UltraSmurfs dorm and steal their stuff for the gift exchange.

>>51091600
It would be like second Christmas all over again

>>51090958
And yet somehow he always eats all your leftovers.

I thought Marines Malevolent.

I'm thinking he leaves giant messes for me to clean up, eats all my food, never pays rent, loudly trains at all hours, steals my stuff, and graphically threatens my life if I dare complain.

>>51090557
>Ultramarines.

Time to have the most well ordered and structured house on the block.

>Raptors

I can imagine he will make a chore rota, or some other thing to make the house run as efficiently as possible.

>>51090557
>Emperor's Childrens

Everynight will be the longest, funnest nights, ever. Unti he's began to bitch about my hair is not on his "standards"

>>51090557
> The Hung
Please excuse me while I kill myself.

>Salamanders
FIRE
EVERYWHERE

>>51090659
>>51090659
shitty forced meme is shitty and forced

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>>51090557
I live in a sketchy part of town, so a 8 foot tall roommate would be great. Are we all sure SM's cant do love and or sex? Because I'd be so down for a Salamander BF/husband. Regardless, just having him around and paying half the rent would be great. I bet he's a great cook to with all his love of fire. Sign me up.

>>51090659
oh my god you are fucked haha

>>51090557
Guardians of the covenant.
well it would be nice to have a study buddy and he would be great for pub quizzes

>>51090557
>Thousand Sons

Either very, very quiet or I'm going on a magical school bus to a hell dimension.

>>51090778
Haha, he'd show up and suddenly you have 2 dead bolts on your door, all your lightbulbs are changed over to LEDs and your balcony has sandbags.

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>Iron Warriors
W-well it's not like I want to live or anyway

>>51092296
>Get home from lectures
>Gross fatty tube-fed semi-daemon where the beds used to be
>She wheezes for help
>Iron Warrior roommate grabs me and ties me to a rack
>Strips the skin from my body with a blunt carrot peeler
>Cuts open the Daemoncubula
>Shoves me inside, stitches up the wound
>Emerge as a 9 ft slaughterhouse
>I'm in the Blue Peter studio

Iron Warrior: "AND HERE'S ONE I MADE EARLIER!"

>>51092365
>Oh, and I burst into treats

>>51092296
Iron Warriors are pretty much the best possible chaos choice. They would be safer to be around than a lot of loyalist chapters. Unless there's a minefield that needs crossing, then you are getting sent on a one way mission.

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World eaters

How long would I last

>>51091855
he fucking leaves post-its with codex astartes reminders on everything. when i ignore them he just glares disapprovingly though

>>51091983
>also annoying how he jerks off into my soundsystem

>>51090594
Same problem here

>>51091439
The temptation to bother the hooded thing is the hard part.

>>51090653
*a freak promethium fight accident

>Emperor's Nightmares

My electricity bill is about to take a sharp incline

>>51090557
>Dark Angels

>Hey bro, what's up?
>WHAT?! Nothing! I mean, nothing much going on! Yeah, that's right. Nothing is happening, nothing has happened, nothing ever happened. Dark Angels have no secrets. Do you have secrets? Secrets are for heretics. And we're definitely not heretics.
>Relax dude, I just asked about-
>THE FALLEN DON'T EXIST AND HAVE NEVER EXISTED FUCK YOU *BLAM*

>Emperor's Children

I imagine it'd be something like if the hypothetical offspring of Slurms McKenzie and Andrew W.K. hosted what the Girls Gone Wild commercials make horny 14 year olds think Girls Gone Wild actually is. Every single night. With metal.

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>Black Templars

I start going to church more and become pretty damn good at swinging a sword.

>>51092613
Depends, how angry and crazy are you willing to be on a daily basis with a Berzerker as you buddy?

>>51090557
Ultramarines

I hope it's on of the good ones, like captain titus.

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>The Purge
And I'm dead.

>>51092294
my house is already like that.

>>51090557
Space Wolves

Oh Emperor, my liver

>>51094380
It would be like living with your father or bossy older brother.

>>51090557
>Iron Warriors
Recently I came across an opportunity to buy small infantry bunker from late 30's. I'll promptly see if the offer's still up...

>>51094470
no, I'm the one that made it like that... I live alone

>>51094503
Really? Because my dad showed up to my place for his birthday dinner and then installed lights. It's totally a dad and Imperial Fists thing to do.

>>51094655
Well, my friends do say I am very dad-ish. Despite my dislike of children.

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>>51090557
Death Guard, hands down.

Well, fuck. At least I get to become a Nurglite?

>Salamanders

I always wanted a fireplace in my room anyways.

Also VULKAN LIVES

>Iron Hands
"Behold! i have attached a drill, TO MY GROIN!"

Death Guard. It would smell less than my current roommate.

>>51095040
Are you sure your roommate isn't already a death guard initiate?

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Listen here, motherfucker. The only way that I'm going to be comfortable with a Storm Warden being my roommate is if that motherfucker is a Tempest Blade. I'll accept the fact that literally nobody will be allowed to know where I live if it's a Tempest Blade, simply because I am willing to learn. A lot.

>>51095107
He's a "metalhead" freshman. This retard has a collection of his own hair and peanut shells in his desk drawer. Literally a whole drawer full of hair and peanut shells. I'm scared of him.

>>51095176
anon, sounds like you already have a nurgle worshiper as a room mate

>>51095176
That's not Nurglite... that's a Slaaneshi in training.

>>51094883
Your not doing a good job of convincing me you aren't a dad. and honestly, if the emperor is the model the space marines have for father love, you'll either fit right in or do better.

>salamanders

seems fine.

>Storm Warden
I guess I'm leaning how to play the bagpipes or something.

>>51095203
>>51095209
>>51095107
Well, I guess I have to cleanse him with fire now.

>>51090557
>black templar
I live in a storage closet and sleep on a fold out couch, so shit's gonna get wicked gay wicked fast.
That aside, if I lived in the 40k world I'd be a psyker so shit's gonna get wicked heretical wicked fast.

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>>51090557
>Minotaurs
He's such a fucking dick.
Still better then my old roommate the Commissar.

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>>51090557
>Alpha Legion
I've never met him. Or maybe I have but I don't know? Who even am I? Am I Alpharius?

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>Space Wolf
Hope he likes Polish alcohol.

>>51092766
does poking it with a ten foot pole till it squeals as bothering?

>>51095426
>Space Wolves
>Not liking any kind of alcohol
I'd be more worried about the whores laying around your place constantly between getting rutted. Or the wolf hair on absolutely everything.

>>51095428
No. Just because I want to see what the Dark Angel does to you.

>>51090557
Does Doomrider count?

>Word Bearers

Would definitely be super preachy and constantly trying to force his beliefs and views down my throat. I would probably give in and end up going to one church meeting of his and never talk about it again.

>>51090557
>Angry Marines.

>>51090557
Night Lords.

I try in vain to talk him out of killing me, then show him my copy of the Night Lords omnibus. If he reads it, I attempt to leave and contact the authorities.

>>51092164
>Hey we're gonna grill on the balcony, Captain Blackface is running the grill
>THE PROMETHIUM RUNS DRY! HONORABLE ROOMIE, FETCH ME ANOTHER TANK
>Flames can be seen from space
>Still the best fucking brats you've ever tasted

>>51090557
>blood angels
bro tier

>angry marines
its not like i like having a house

>>51096020
>Still the best fucking brats you've ever tasted
>brats
anon, he's a salamander, not a night lord

>>51096020
he makes crème brûlée with a re-purposed jet engine and it still tastes better then anything you could ever make
the poisonous residue makes it all the more delicious

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>>51090695
As long as he's not one of those guys who insists on keeping his motorcycle in your living room. Get a storage unit or a garage for that shit!

>>51096109
>bräts
German slang for a specific type sausage.

>>51096154
you have to be fair, not even germans know most, or many at all, types of slang in germany.

>>51096154
>german slang
no anon, it's american slang for the german name of a specific sausage
because "german slang" would mean that the germans use it, and we don't
also I made a joke. You know? Night lords?

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>>51094410
HAIL, PACK-BROTHER, I HAVE BEEN DOWN TO THE CRAFT BREWING STORE FOR INGREDIENTS FOR MORE MEADE! TRY THIS NEXT BATCH, I HAVE ADDED GINGER TO IT. I HAVE ALSO COURTED YOUR MAIDEN WHILE SHE CAME TO DROP OFF THE LAUNDRY.

>>51096187
My German family, from Munich, uses bräts as shorthand for brätwurst.

I grew up, and was taught, Bavarian German rather than proper German so my view is probably skewed as hell.

Now I see the joke, but the first time I was too busy thinking about wurst to recognize it.

>>51090557
Sevatar, for the last time, if you need to bring bodies home, put them in the tub! The neighbours downstairs will complain of leakage again.

>>51096243
>German family, from Munich
oxymoron

>>51096243
>I was too busy thinking about wurst
That part I believe. Why are you constantly thinking about wursts? Do they remind you of your father?

>>51096341
I'm hungry. And have no wurst in the fridge.

>>51092613
How long can you go without pissing off a creature who gets angry at literally everything?

>Plague Marines
Try to get him to move out ASAP. Maybe he shoots me. In either case, his stench and aura of disease render him a social pariah, and (before or after being responsible for several space-disease epidemics in the city) he becomes a homeless wanderer, leaving a field of sickness and decay in his wake, crippling all regional agriculture and causing widespread extinction.

There's just nowhere where a hulking, half-dead, disease-riddled man with a huge gun can fit in :(

>>51090695
also got white scars. We should start a biker gang

>>51090557
>Grey Knights

That will probably end with a lot of memory wipes. Other than that I have no idea what else.

>>51096020
>he leans closer to you, eyes meeting yours
> "Honorable roomie. You have no more need for that swim suit. I've changed the condo pool into a smoke house."
> Still the best fucking jerky you've ever tasted

>Alpha Legion
It's secret.

>>51097133
They'd be terrible. They'd eat all of your food and never admit to it.

>Sons of Malice

I guess he keeps trying to convert me to his really small and cultish religion. And kills me if I don't convert.

>>51091307
>wake up to maxed out marching band music
>startle and fall from bed
>"The fuck?!"
>"Awaken, rommate, a glorious new day awaits!"
>you slowly raise your head
>an unknown man standing in front of you, proportions off
>your brain momentarily shorts out trying to decide if head injuries are worse than unknown men in your apartment
>the giant's face is hard to make out from that distance
>you finally manage a weak croak that might have been a "What" once upon a time
>"As per the roomate first step of roommate maintenance instructions, I am required to introduce myself. I-am-brother-Israfel-of-the-Blood-Ravens, nice-to-meet-you."
>the last sentence was obvioulsy learnt by heart
>you manage to stand up
>you can now see that the giant (brother Israfel he said oh god) is keenly observing you, as if waiting for something
>"Likewise?" you manage
>you feel somewhat ill
>brother Israfel seems satisfied with the answer
>"Good! Now, Anon, the second step requires we set the.. "boundries" was it?"
>"Wait, how do you know my name?"
>Israfel frowns slightly at the protocol disruption
>momentry consultation with the manual he learned from word to word tells him informal conversation is an indicator the process of home sharing is proceeding by the book
>excellent.jpg
>he beams at you
>it is a terrifying sight, designed to send enemies running, more than to convey friendliness
>"Why, it was part of the manual instructions you came with."
>no words can describe the terror you will be feeling once your brain fully comprehends what is currently transpiring
>you go on autopilot
>"The instruction manual I came with."
>"Of course. when you were gifted to my chapter."
>"Gifted."
>your last tought before passing out is "Bloody magpies!"

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>>51090557
>Iron Warriors
I don't think the landlord is going to appreciate the new fortifications to the apartment "stronghold"

Alpha Legion. I get drafted into the Legion as an informant. As I explain the inherent weaknesses of the city council, I see four other Alpha Legionnaires setting up booby traps around my house. I'm probably safe for the moment, but no promises once the uprising inevitably starts.

Well if an old fart and a beating weaken up woman and defeat Abaddon the Chaos God chosen.

Then I'll be fine.

>>51097928
...what?

>>51097928
>Then I'll be fine.
Check your spell check, then you'll be fine.

>>51090557
>Black Templars
Welp, guess I get used to noise complains from angry shouting, hourly prayer sessions and say goodbye to my hentai tentacle porn.

>>51090557
>Fleshtearers
I give it a week before he Black Rages and kills most of my city before someone takes him down.

>>51090594
>constant barbecues
>all the time
feels good man

>>51093376
>WIGGY WHAM WHAM WOZZLE

>>51090557
>Lamenters
Does their legendary bad luck affect me too?

>>51099216
But of course. You do share a roof.

>>51099228
they won't even have a roof after a while.

Night Lord.

At least until he starts having nightmares after looking in my basement...

>>51097115
why are you confronting your salmander roomie in a swimsuit

>>51099482
all right, I'll bite.
What do you keep in your basement?

>>51099505
Why aren't YOU?

>>51099505
Water beats fire, duh.
Also, I'd have to walk up there anyways and I'd rather get changed in my condo then in the change room.

>>51099228
>>51099405
So i guess we have fun until we die defending the innocent which could have been avoided if our supposed allies didn't abandon us.

>>51099588

The tortured remains of my previous house mates

>>51099482
What could you possibly have that could give a Night Lord nightmares?

>>51099786
You'd probably get immediately killed, or made honorary NL. Depends on the individual space marine you are stuck with.

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>Blood Angels

Fun times! We could bond over our mutual love for Sanguinius.

>>51096830
>a lot of memory wipes.
>I have no idea
Funny.

Noise marines.

I don't mind ear rape and literal rape anyways.

>>51095546
>Word Bearer
Going to be honest, I would totally be on board. I'm already pretty religious and if he's a sorcerer, I'm fairly certain he could convince me he is actually some kind of saint and that God likes human sacrifice.

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>Thousand Sons

>Wake up in the morning, Tzeentchian demons running around underfoot, kick a bunch of blue and pink horrors off my bed with an angry grunt
>Stumble into bathroom through force-widened doorway, note that the flamer has set to what little remained of the shower curtain. Again.
>Splash water in face, duck a swooping screamer, having learned from the last impromptu surprise barber sessions on how to avoid them
>Go to kitchen, there he is in all his ridiculous glory
>He's brewing something on the stove, which after one too many boiling-overs is looking less like a kitchen appliance and more like a cuboid colander.
>"GREETINGS, HOUSECOMPANION" he bellows. I'm too tired to care about the volume anymore. "I HAVE CONCOCTED ANOTHER BREW TO CURE YOUR LACK OF CONNECTION TO THE WARP"
>Stare at the burbling jaundiced liquid, remember how the last time I tried one of his brews I temporarily grew another face named Fredrick who was a committed anarchy-capitalist and would not shut up about it
>"I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO REQUEST THAT YOU CEASE WITH THE PLAYING OF THAT DEAD RODENT BEAT-BASED MUSIC YOU ARE SO FOND OF, IT INTERRUPTS MY MEDITATIONS WITH THE WARP'S CURRENTS"
>mfw

>>51099505
gotta find an everyday use for those bathing suits now that there's no pool to use them in within the condo

>>51090557
Night lords

>come home late from work, all the lights are off
>GREETINGS MORTAL
>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>fucking roomate jumps out of no where with his lightning claw in my fucking face
>god dammit every fucking night dude

also he broke all the lights

>>51090557
>Iron hands

Fucking dude stop replacing my organs with mechanics while I'm asleep! What do I even need all the mechatendrites for?

>>51090594
you know that means your roommate is black

I'd want an Evesor assassin as a rommie instead

I don't know why I even chose Black Legion. I have a feeling he's going to be a bit of a dickhead.

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>>51102420
yeah but like, the cool "hey bro wanna grill some steaks? I just forged a new set of knives for the kitchen earlier" black and not "steal your car radio and try to fuck your girlfriend" black

>>51102682
I hope you have room for an armoured cryo-containment with numerous failsafes.

And Emprah help you if he somehow gets out, say, during a power outage.

>>51090557
>Legion of the Damned
I have no idea honestly.

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>>51092365
>I CAN FEEL THE WARP OVERTAKING ME
>REMEMBER TO ASK YOUR MOTHER FOR LEFT OVER WASHING UP LIQUID BOTTLES

>Thousand Sons
>Stands in the corner of the room immobile, saying nothing, collecting dust (huehuehuehue)
>Somehow still pays the rent
>Use him as a coat hook, a door stop, dress him up for Halloween and Christmas
>Friend comes over with his new puppy
>it's an Irish Wolfhound
>Wolfhound
>Wolf
>My giant blue and gold space heater goes bezerk and murders everyone

>>51090557
>Alpha Legion
Well, you know that's actually pretty legit. I'd try and get recruited as a human agent because chances are I already was/am, plus then I might get to refer to him as something other than Alpharius.
I'm sort of assuming he'd be gaslighting me a lot, and would probably force me to help subvert tyrannical governments and shit, which sounds lit so whatever

9/10, it's going to end in my dying as a meat shield during a massive riot, but it's gonna be great until then, and it could be a lot worse.

>Deathwatch

I'm an Eldar player ... I'm going to to be purged.

>Luna Wolves
Could be good could be bad, either I get a fucking bro like Tarik or a complete dickwipe like Abby. Either way, I'm hoping to get an introduction to their 'speartip'

>Relictors
Holy suit dude your here! Funking I'm screwed we gotta hide. Wait do the inquisition know your here? WHY DID YOU BRING THE DEAMON SWORD! HOLY SHIT THEIR HERE, RUN YOU STUPID FUCK YOU BOUGHT THE GREY KNIGHTS AND INQUISITION HERE!

It'd be hell

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>Thousand Sons
Assuming it's a sorcerer, since a simple rubric wouldn't bring much change I'd probably end up being a test subject and/or assistant for warp shenanigans. Could end up going really well though since I love Thousand Sons and Tzeentch, maybe I'd end up getting blessings in the form of psychic powers and good gains like cultists in AoS do and we could have a warp ran household.

>>51105705
>after months of roomie misadventures Legionbro finally decides he's gonna open up and let you call him something different.
>it's Omegon.
it'll be small victories at best anon.

Death Guard

>can't have company over due to smell and space aids
>live and sleep in a hazmat suit/gas mask
>eat out every meal because home is quarantined
>sterilize things with bleach and fire multiple times a day.
>Traumatized by shrunken head grenades made of mailmen, salesmen, Jehovah's Witnesses and stray joggers left all over the house

>>51090557
>Astral Knight

Shit I'm haunted.

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>>51102173
>remember how the last time I tried one of his brews I temporarily grew another face named Fredrick who was a committed anarchy-capitalist and would not shut up about it

>>51091439
>>51093196
DA here too.

> Constantly praying with those beads of his, but in that "do you notice how pious I am" style that made me lose faith to begin with
> Paranoid about me going through his stuff,
> Always accusing me of not doing my part to derail attention.
> We agree to watch UFC together and he doesn't show up.
> Away for months with no word, but still foots his part of the bill
> Suddenly shows up.
> One bead is now black, he is in the best mood I've ever seen him.

>>51090557

>Blood Angels

>Sanguinala rolls around
>It's Christmas for everyone else, but not for him
>Won't even accept the gift I got him
>Cries for ten days straight
>"H-Hey listen, I know you’re celebrating a holiday but the giant hole you punched in the wall-"
>"IT'S NOT A HOLIDAY, ANON, AND I'M NOT CELEBRATING, I'M MOURNING FOR THE PRIMARCH"
>"Why did you use all the feathers in my pillow to make angel wings on the floor?"
>Devolves again uninterpertable, uncontrollable, sobbing.
>Falls to his knees, violently hugging the feather-wings on the ground
>Continues like this, even noise-canceling headphones don't work
>Half-deaf by the time it stops with no empty pillow cases everywhere
>Have to sleep on the floor because he commandeered the bed for a violent cry/cuddle session with the feather-mache wings

>Emperor's Children

"Okay man, listen I get how this is important to you and all...but if you don't start using headphones after midnight, and tell your demonic bimbos to keep it down so I can sleep; I'm going to flip out in a way that even Kharn will find over the top and uncalled for."
"WOAH BROTHER, THOU MUST RELAX. HERE TRY SOME OF THIS RELAXING HERB. IT WILL CALM THINE NERVES. PERHAPS THE AIR IS ALREADY RIPE WITH THE SMOKE THOUGH, AS THINE EYES ARE ALREADY BLOODSHOT. "
"They are blood shot from the lack of sleep..."
"COMPANION YOU ARE FOAMING AT THE MOUTH...AS I HAVEN'T TOUCHED YOUR SKIN, I MUST ASSUME IT ISN'T FROM A CONTACT HIGH. ARE YOU OKAY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY MY BOLT PISTOL? NO NO YOU POINT THAT END AT THE OTHER PERSON NOT YOURSELF. NO!"
"...sweet mercy!" *blam* "Sonnavabitch! I missed!"
"....... ..... .... ....... ....!" *Confused noise marine look.* "... ... ..?"
"Thank you! thank you! I'm deaf! I'm going back to sleep!"

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>>51090557
>Salamanders

I assume we just chill. The Salamanders seem pretty mellow when they aren't burning heretics.

Fucker's gunna run up a massive heating and gas bill, though.

>Dark Hands
He hasn't even moved in, does this guy even exist?

>Black Templars

For the last time, NO. I CAN'T GO CRUSADING. I AM WORKING. I HAVE WELDING COURSES TO TAKE.

>Blood Angel
Oh God no.
>His fucking room is an ever expanding arts and crafts armoury
>The back garden was converted to a forge some time ago
>Murals to Sanguinius EVERYWHERE
>E V E R Y W H E R E
>Can't fucking jerk off without some god-damn angel face watching and judging
>1 month a year he just fucking cries
>The remaining 11 is deafening shouting and jump-pack noises with bolter and chainsword drill
>Accidentally meltas the fucking neighbors car
>Home not secure.
>Add more plasteel, ceramite and rocrete
>Home secure
>Add more murals
>THE FUCKING PRAYING AT 5 AM!
>Shelling out cash to the local blood bank so he doesn't fucking lose it.
>He's not artificing the rest of the house
>Then adding more murals and a landing pad
I WANT TO MOVE!

>>51090557
Ivory Huntsmen, lots of hunting trips.

>Iron Warriors
I'm pretty autismo myself, so sounds fucking comfy. Pillow forts and Warhammer nights, balancing out 7'th, sharing our general spaghetti with the world.

>BROTHER ANON! I WANT TO ASK STACEY TO THE PROM, BUT MY COURAGE FAILS ME!
>Ok, lets be logical about this. Girls like to know that you'll be a man and provide for them, right? They want to know that you'll put a roof over her head and protect them, right? AND, and, they also like big romantic gestures, right? Ok, here's what we're gonna do!

>...

>Stacey wakes up to find her bed has been moved into a strange room made out of plasteel and ferrocrete, oddly decorated with hazard stripes and hearts with 8-pointed stars laid over them.
>Her fiance, Chad's head is at the foot of the bed, next to a note saying 'I will defend milady's honour to the death.
>Stacy runs screaming and crying from the room, only to be confronted with Brother Melvin, in full plate armour, kneeling before her in front of a titanic spiky Land Raider, and holding up a bouquet of wilted, sad roses and a crumpled box of chocolates.
>W-will you do the honour of a-accompanying the dance to me?
>Stacy screams harder and jumps out of the 10'th story carpark window.
>DOES THAT MEAN SHE LIKES ME, BROTHER ANON?
>Ok, full disclosure Melvin, I've never spoken to a girl before.

>>51090557
My own custom chapter. Avant Spears.

>"Do you want to go out? I heard theres a new burger joing in town. They have a burger with advocado instead of lettace. Sounds good, i've always thought advocado was an underused fruit."
Then on the way there he can help defend me from being accosted by teenagers in hoodies.
Only problem, Avant Spears are explorers. So after that resteraunt he doesnt want to go home. Instead he wants to go see what the fourth plinth is this week in Trafalgar Square. And after that he wants to do something else so we never do end up returning home. One week from now i find myself in space serving as a chapter serf.

>>51108367
>Ok, full disclosure Melvin, I've never spoken to a girl before.
my sides have been lost to the warp, holy shit

>>51094883
Dadness is a state of mind, pops.
Just because you don't have kids, that doesn't mean you aren't a dad, old man.

>>51091345
>Think of Raven Guard
>Nothing changes at all, just some things are done around the house now and then and if your life is in danger you're saved by "something"

>>51108172
>arts and crafts
Que? I knew BA were into collecting art n shit, but I thought making it themselves was more of an EC/IW thing?

>>51108367
>Ok, full disclosure Melvin, I've never spoken to a girl before.

Jesus Christ my sides

>>51090557
>TS
Vast majoirty became Rubricae so YAY a fellow autist However I'd probably kill myself from depression as I'd think he noticed all the times I fucked up or embarrassed myself and those memories would just keep on repeating in my head until I tried to take the way out like last time but this time I won't have someone there to call the ambulance to get me to the hospital and then taxi me to all my therapy seesions SHIT'S LIT SENPAI

>World Eaters

I imagine after some time I'd just be able to understand his rabbid screaming

>"What do you want for breakfast?"
>"AAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGG"
>"Right, right. Butter or syrup?"
>"RRRRRRRAAAAA"
>"Of course, what about bacon?"
>"GRRRAAAAAAAA"
>"You wanted that yesterday, but fine."

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>>51102173
>Stare at the burbling jaundiced liquid, remember how the last time I tried one of his brews I temporarily grew another face named Fredrick who was a committed anarchy-capitalist and would not shut up about it

you magnificent bastard

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>>51090557
>Night Lords
Wow, those new skin curtains sure fits the room, I must say. But I have not seen my neighbours for a while.

>Iron Hands
>at first, he seems like a total bro, because I fucking love me augmentations
>the communication isn't easy though, he doesn't seem to be into the whole talky stuff
>okay, fine, he's more a machine than a man now, I understand
>he likes kicking my ass in fighting games though, by plugging himself into a console controller port
>get him some oil whenever I pass the gas station
>every single thing in the house is automated, even a fucking toilet seat, it's pretty neat
>wake up one night to loud clanking in the kitchen
>uh, he probably tinkers with some stuff again
>decide to get a snack and try to chit chat
>walk into him in a.. peculiar position with a toaster
>"Uuhh... sor.."
>"CLOSE THE DOOR!!!"

It's not like he was talkative before, but now he barely ever says hello.

>>51108367
now, we need a thread, how Space Marines from each chapters are getting a date

>>51096224
>I HAVE ALSO COURTED YOUR MAIDEN
you mean, my mother?

>>51115724
Blood Angels and Space Wolves would be best.

The Angels have a full schedule of dates because they're the prettiest while the Wolves bang the viking groupies around their HQ.

>>51097675
>I don't think the landlord is going to appreciate the new fortifications to the apartment "stronghold"
as if you need to care about the landlord anymore

>>51115831
You say that like its a bad thing. Imagine bringing him as your step dad to a parent/ teacher meeting?

bamp

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>dark angels
i think i'll probably die after "so hey where are you from?"

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>>51121243
"oh shit i think tim fell down"
>tim and any and all onlookers were never heard from again

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>>51090557
>Emperor's Children
Well they'll save me a few years of effort, a giant metal partially demonic supersolider from the future with more or less the same general goals as me.

>Thousand Sons
Terrific, I get a stanky shut-in nerd for a roommate. Maybe I can get him to do my taxes for me whilst I go chat up the Sisters from across the hall.

>There will never be a comfy 40k sitcom ala Friends/Frasier/Cheers with the Primarchs as main characters.
It hurts, Anons, it hurts bad

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>>51108060
Hail fellow Techmarine aspirant! The joining and cutting of metal using plasma and lightning is a worthy act in the Emperor's sight.

>>51092613
Depends. If you own a cat, you're good.

>>51095640
>>51099482
>>51102385
Night Lords bros!
>Constantly having to talk Sahaal off the fucking roof after every "Terror Attack" while he screams about "Showing those asshats how it's fucking done!"

>>51096357
>no wurst in the fridge
Truly a fate more horrifying than death.

>>51090557
>Dark Angels

Everyone still sits in his room and doesn't talk.

>>51115842
Dark Angels, and probably Night Lords, would be super controlling, though money's on the latter for "More likely to disembowel JUST the dude who makes a pass at their chick, rather than the both of them."

>>51121927
>>There will never be a comfy 40k sitcom ala Friends/Frasier/Cheers with the Primarchs as main characters.

>Inquisitors Fraiser and Niles end up going to a cabin with an old school friend
>It's Dorn
>Hijinks ensue as Ros has tagged along to try and get some Imperial Fist, but Dorn just wants to put sandbags around the cabin
>Meanwhile back on Hive World Seattle, Ex-Arbities Martinus and his augmented dog Eddius tries to help Sister Hospitaller Daphne find a suitable anniversary present.

fund it

>>51090557
>Ultramarine
I would be a dissappintment as he tries to persuade me to become a better person.

>>51090557
Alfa legion hides here!

>>51090557
>>Relictors
We both get killed by the Inquisition

>Salamander
>Total Bro
>Wingman
>Helpful around the house


I'm ok with this!

>Black templars
I guess he can set up some noviciate training in the living room.

The good thing about that is that the doors are about 3 metres high, no wonder he chose my apartment.

>Sound Marines

THINGS SHALL GET LOUD NOW

>>51090557
>death guard
I'm gonna need a lot of air fresheners

>>51094253
Given how they are depicted in fluff you probably have a realistic chance of winning a fight with him.

>Noise Marines.

Assuming he doesn't rape me, we could bond over a love of Decepticon sex noises I guess.

>>51090557
>space wolwes
Good budy but eat every meel on the fridge
Never pay the bills but every times we need mead he come with 3 full wagoon
Have a direwolf on the couch but we can ride him when we are late to exams
Every times we need him he come to help, but listen manowar everyday
Tell good stories and make good jokes at party but still fithing with somebody
A good bro but heavy still the best you count on it never betraye you

>World Eaters

Roaring and revving of chainaxes. I come home to find the couch has been sawed in half because it "looked at him in a funny way" Blood has wept from the walls for the entire time, and it's a pain in the arse to wade through.

Finally manage to calm him down by lending him my Cannibal Corpse albums. They seem to soothe him and I can't tell if that's more worrying than it was before.

>>51102420
Literally black though, not african in origin.

>>51091600
It's a South Philly tradition.

>>51125355
the absolute wurst case scenario

>>51090557
>Black Templars
Please send help.

>Thousand Sons

He bothers me a lot about how I haven't vacuumed in a while.

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>>51133591

>>51090557
>Marine Malevolent
I'm dead

>>51133591
Ouch!

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>>51090557
Well, seems I get a bro as fuck roommate who's always there when I need help. He's a little mopey sometimes though, says it's a medical condition or something.

Well, I thought of the Salamanders like about a tenth of this thread did, so I'm A-OK. We will have to move, though. This place barely fits one person.