Story time?

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I'll dump an old one that always gets me.

>>50941279
This sounds like a fucking amazing game. Not even magical realms, just the downright funny kind of degeneration and perversion.

>>50941781
How did the Orris guy not murder that DM? I get the That Guy behavior and understand punishing players for it but fuck, that is over board, wayyy overboard.

>>50941781
Oh yeah, I remember that. It was funny until it became horrifying.

Does anyone have the Deathwatch story with the blackshield world eater,the last stand and the line >"laughing at you from high orbit"

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Haha

What did ever happen to the original storythreads? I thought it was every week, now it seemed to be not around.

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>>50946698
I'm not sure, some people seem to be particularly bitchy about so called off-topic things.

>>50946698
They are still posted, methinks. It's just that their content is pretty mediocre.

does anyone have the one about the asshole fighter who turned out to be a paladin?

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A classic.

>>50949269
Just how the fuck would someone call this person that guy? Please tell me this is just a joke, because this is fucking awesome.

>>50949919
That Guy detected.
Doing "random" stuff every session is fun for one person, you.
Everyone else is sick of it, they're there to play and have fun, not wait for you to finish with your stupid shit.
I feel bad for your DM.

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>>50949269

This picture honestly pisses me off. Maybe the guy was doing it obnoxiously, but from what I read it looks like the player just liked lighthearted games and incorporating his own ideas instead of being turbo-railroaded by some dickish GM that dismissed having fun as being "That Guy" and refused to adapt his game at all.

> tl;dr: 10/10 bait, I'm mad.

>>50950040
>incorporating his own ideas instead of being turbo-railroaded by some dickish GM
>purposely avoids any and all plot hooks
Somehow that doesn't add up.
He's actively not playing at all to do stupid shit.
He was 100% That Guy.

>>50949979
>not being able to roll with the fun shit players come up with
>needing to railroad them into your specific plot
>not being able to work around the characters quirks and still incorporate your story
>not being able to talk to someone like a fucking adult if their actions as a character really bother you that much
shit DM detected

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>>50950083
Ok yeah that's not exactly ideal. As foreverGM that deals with a lot of new players, I'd probably try to talk with him about having an arc or two his way, then eventually get the main campaign in while tying in a theme or two he was trying for. Maybe have the campaign involve his delivery service or something.

Also, who the fuck put plot important info in the head of a random aggressive orc NPC that can be one shot by a character of your own design?

But anyway, not trying to derail this thread with opinions on some game no one here saw, have some content.

>>50950285
>fun shit
Forcing everyone to do nothing of merit the whole session is not "fun shit"
>>needing to railroad them into your specific plot
Sure, why bother spending time coming up with a plot at all.
Let's just meet up and come up with "epic, random" shit to do for 6 hours, what a great idea.
>characters quirks
Actively fucking with everything set up and ruining everyone else's time is not a character quirk, that's literally being That Guy.

>>not being able to talk to someone like a fucking adult if their actions as a character really bother you that much
You seem to be under the impression I wrote that screencap.
I'm not putting up with your stupid shit, you get a chance after being told to cut it out.
If all you want to do is fuck around and try to get cheap laughs by making TV references, then you can fuck off.
It's not even bad if it's original things you're coming up with because that would be great, I'm not sitting through 6 hours of "lmao TV".

>>50950437
Are you fucking kidding me? If that GM had rolled with the Farnsworth one he would have been able to hook them into literally any plot with, and here's the kicker, a fucking package. Easiest one is they're engaged to deliver one, uh oh evil guy steals it, he doesn't keep it and hands it off to his boss who does it again and again and again until BBEG, a rival of the person who bought what was in the package, that's the first thing that popped into my head when I read that. That's a case of That GM turning a player into That Guy, he fucking deserved the shit he got after he killed Farnsworth.

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>>50950437
All of those things may be considered fun by the other people at the table. If they want to play remade tv characters and do non-plot-intensive things, they can do those things. Of course, since the GM isn't enjoying those things in the screencap, that's not truly what's happening, so he could either talk with the group or get a different player/group.

Anyway, here's some more storytime-relevent stuff

>>50950550
I concur. Additional option: the BBEG ends up being the person they had to deliver the package to in the first place, and all the previous stealings were two factions swiping the macguffin so much that everything got turned around.

>>50950609
That GM showed no initiative, no spirit and no improvisation. If I were the Farnsworth player I'd fucking punish him, just because he killed my Professor, especially if he had done so, like in the story, without discussing the issues beforehand.

>>50950658
>I'd fucking punish him
You already were by playing it in the first place.

>>50950681
Nah I saw the Professor as a legit character gimmicky perhaps, but legit, he didn't want to roll with what his players were doing so he punished the one who came up with the idea. Never mind that if you think about it package delivery is about half of what adventurers do, the GM should have been smart enough to roll with it rather than be a bully.

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One of my favorites

>>50949269
I fucking wish my players had characters with a sense of self agency like this guy. I always have to push them to make decisions even after I get them on a plot.

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>>50951618

>>50949269
First char sounds annoying.
Second char possibly annoying, but who could hate someone who wants to give everyone ice cream?
Third char is entirely the GM's fault.

>GM sends foe for party to fight
>Party slays foe
>End session, cuz GM underestimates a PC the GM personally created

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>>50951658

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>>50951724

>>50951686
the first character could have been used a hundred thousand ways to make a campaign he was just too autistic or retarded to fucking use the fuel his player was serving up.

>>50951930
>Because in pathfinder, just about any weapon can get sneak attack damage.
This kinda bothers me, because I know any weapon can get sneak attack in 3e and 3.5e, which PF is based off of. The only thing that PF changed about sneak attack is that you can sneak attack anything, regardless of creature type, and get your extra damage.

The rest of it is great, though. Just that one little thing bothers me. Krod sounds fucking hilarious.

>>50951737
wtf it's this goddam long ?

>>50953334
Yeah, it's a big one but a good one.

>>50953438
i'll read it another time, too lazy now

>>50953753
Okay, Anon.

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>>50940884
CREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED

>>50953960
Holy shit that one's fucking gold
I hope there's more, I wish to know what gunpowder-infused cokefiend sentient pigs would plan to do that caused the party to fight them

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Jesus Christ, this is the first story thread I think I've seen in months, and it's so anemic.

I'm prescribing a regimen of 30ccs of greeentext, beginning immediately.

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>>50954817

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>>50954834

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>>50954844

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>>50954857

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>>50954877

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>>50954891

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>>50954907

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>>50954919

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>>50954930

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>>50954950

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>>50954973
I suppose a lot of these aren't stories per se, but just funny posts that I brought me happiness. I'll post something a bit more substantial momentarily.

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>>50954983
This isn't a tabletop story, but I love it all the same (and really, doesn't it kind of sound like it should be one?)

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>>50955001

>>50955001
I've been looking for that, thanks man.

>>50955019
>>50955034
Happy to oblige.

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>>50955051
Oops, forgot the story
This one is a bit more emotional. Really gave me some feels when I read it. I'd love to be able to pull something like this off with my group.

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>>50955062
I laugh every fucking time I read this one. I wish my player's meme characters were anywhere close to this original and consistently funny.

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>>50955077
The windup

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>>50955086
And the pitch!

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>>50955099

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>>50955107

Anyone got the Mage game that ended up going full JoJo?

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>>50955112
I'll go ahead and wrap up here.
I have a few other things, but I don't really feel like posting anything else.

>>50944059
RULE OF TWO
RULE OF TWO

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>>50949269
>hands problem player a character he personally made as a method of containment
>underestimates the character he personally made and gets upset that an enemy attacking the group is killed as a result
suicide is an option

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>>50955138
Thanks for the dump, will post some myself when it isn't 3 am

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i missed those recollection threads.

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>>50955128

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>>50944073
oh wow
that rhyming

>>50940884
Requesting an old storytime about a Paladin who turns himself into a holy relativistic kill vehicle by dropping himself from orbit onto the BBEG's army.

>>50955001
tangentially related to LARPing, it counts, sort of, probably more appropriate for /cgl/ since larp generals moved over there

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The Ballad of Edgardo pt:1

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The Ballad of Edgardo pt:2

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>>50955853
there really needs to be a '/tg/: the musical' at some point. If /v/ can do it surely we should be able to.

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>one for the britfags out there

>>50957031
i feel it would work better without giving it away in the filename

I have a WFRP story I could share if anyone's interested, it's an investigation story by a bunch of murderhobos who don't really like each other it was a fun session. Anyone interested?

>>50958369
>asking before posting a story
>in a storytime thread

Hit me up, family

Alrighty, as I said the players are also mostly murder hobos out for themselves in the anarchy following the Storm of Chaos, but sometimes do good things.
The party was composed of five characters, they had problems finding any real reason to stick together, but as only one of them had concrete long term aspiration they haphazardly decided many murder hobos together was better than traveling alone. I’ll be typing as a go here so there may be some delays.

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>>50958539
Fabio: a Tilean mercenary who had fought clean up actions in the Empire following Archaon’s defeat. He ended up staying in the Empire in the hope of quick riches doing dirty work with the hope of replacing some dead petty noble. Wannabe mobster, managed to nick warpstone from a chaos cult the party killed without anyone seeing. He later sold this to some Tilean other mobsters which led to it eventually causing an entire Imperial town to become horrible mutants and clog a key supply line. He completely got away with this scot free. Wears a disgustingly expensive set of purple noble’s garb with gold lace that he has yet to wash. If you asked his player, Fabio’s end goal was “Money and bitches.”
-Good all-around, no real specialty.
-Sometimes party leader.

Osprant: Clinically insane. Had an epiphany around his middle-age and became a wandering tree-hobo who lived in the woods and never bathed. Because of this he became deeply enthralled with the teachings of Taal to the point of becoming a taalite flagellant. After several near death experiences with the party, he gained enough muscle mass and lost enough sanity to be considered a scourge of Taal. Manages to survive through the impossible despite refusing to wear any kind of protection or armor. Seeks to annihilate all that is unnatural and hangs out with the party due to their tendency to run into the unnatural. Still refuses to bathe.
-Wonderful meat shield.
-Surprisingly good at sneaky things, very fast runner.
-No negotiation, no nuance, kill bad things.

>>50958577
Sorgrim: A soldier from Middenland who served during the storm of chaos. His player lucked out and managed to procure some plate/establish contacts early on leading to him joining a knightly order and classing into knight. He functionally become specced out for combat and nothing else, with an INT stat only one or two levels above a horse. This meant out of combat he was functionally useless, this was helped by the fact his player heavily smoked pot or tried to play pokemon during every session.
-Combat Monster.
-Useless out of combat, in and out of character.

Ulrike : 5’2, barely over 100 pounds, fairly cute. Also a furious priest of Ulric dedicated to honor and combat. Has experienced some hardship due to being a female priest but in general gives no shit about gender and has devoted her life to Ulric. Ironically due to the party’s retardation, her berserk love for Ulric somehow ends up the voice of reason. Hangs out with the party after being unable to find a permanent preaching position anywhere, thus deciding to function as a travelling preacher and gain knowledge of Ulric by crushing his enemies (primarily beastmen and chaosjerks).
-Sometimes party leader, always party moral compass.
-Low level ulrican magic is still pretty good magic.
-Surprisingly tanky.

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Imhol Elfsomething: Imhol’s player made two crucial mistakes. One, he made his character an elf, which the rest of the party didn’t approve of. Two, he made his name close to “in hole” which resulted in numerous puns, more often than not he was referred to as Dimhol by the party. He was also a cartographer, and spent a considerable amount of his money on maps. In and out of combat he was entirely devoted to his survival, which in WFRP meant he usually sacrificed his teammates to save his own skin in combat, leading to even more animosity towards him. He also was a shitter in combat who couldn’t hit an arrow shot even as elf, but that’s another story.
-Attempts to be the party face but doesn’t really know what to say. Also an Elf, which goes over poorly with a lot of old-worlders.
-Strong potential, if he could class up he could gain some good social skills which the party really lacks while also becoming useful in combat.
-Hated by party.
-squishy as shit, 2 TB (reduces damage for those of you unfamiliar with the system) and 10 wounds (lowest possible).
-Really hated by party.

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>>50958701
This was far from the original group. Initially, there were several of them who met in a small southern Middenland town and got caught up in a Beastman reenactment of the Battle of the Bulge as K.F & Co pushed Archaon back. The original group lost its “leader” of a third-born noble son to a minotaur and its Dwarf to a Burgomeister turned Wendigo. However after a couple close calls and doing some blackwatch work for some indiscriminate nobles, the party had managed to set itself up as mildly competent problem solvers. After curing the aforementioned noble Wendigo he referred the party to a friend of his who had been having trouble with grave robbers. The party was instructed to meet him in his village in the North of Middenland, roughly three or four days travel from Middenheim.


After a shitty journey through the rain and backwoods, including several encounters with Beastmen, the group arrived at a quaint little Middenland town that had avoided the worst of the war. The towns people seem mostly friendly, if suspicious of outsiders and the town inn/bar keeper hooks them up with rooms for a few days at a decent price. The town had no real services to speak of beyond the combined inn/bar so the party decided that they may as well make it quick and headed to the small noble villa on the edge of town to arrange terms.

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>>50958722
The town’s lord, who henceforth will be referred to as Wilhelm because I don’t remember his name, was composed of roughly 50% fat and 50% overly puffy shirt. He was a very red faced and pleasant man who very quickly agreed to the party’s highest price for payment and rushed through an explanation of the town’s troubles.
The party learned that over the past several weeks the citizens had been complaining of strange noises from the graveyards and a few prominent families had bodies stolen from their above-ground tombs. He wanted the grave robbers caught, dead or alive and would pay a bonus if the bodies could be found.
As he finished up his rushed explanation a feminine voice called out from the other room.
“Oh Willieeeeeeeee.”
Before the party could ask any follow up question they were politely but firmly ordered/pushed out of the Villa. As the door close they briefly saw “Willie” run off excitedly to the other room.
By this point there aren’t very many options so the group forms a brief huddle and decides to investigate the graveyard and plan a stakeout. They learn from the innkeeper that the town’s priest of Morr was previously part of a Templar knight order, and answered the call when the Storm of Chaos broke out.
Ever since then, as the closest thing to a community representative, the Innkeeper has been trying to keep watch of the graveyard himself but isn’t able to cover the whole thing himself/sleep 2 hours a night every night. (For those who don’t know in Warhammer, Morr is the human lord of death in the setting, whose priests man graveyards to protect them from necromancers.) He hasn’t seen anything unusual in any of his patrols by himself, but he was the one who discovered the missing bodies and found the locks on several mausoleums broken. He can’t offer the party any clues.

>>50958760
Now, with all this talking, Osprant is bored. Bored and angry. He wants nature to hang out in and un-nature to kill. So, when the party moves to investigate the graveyard, he climbs up a tree roughly 20ft from the graveyard fence and meditates. Sorgrim, likewise bored, follows the party like a zombie and plays pokemon. During the actual investigation, 2/3 of the remaining party fails to notice the strange colored patches of grass in their path and are trapped in Gravegrass. Which is basically a thorny-spring-based Venus fly trap that feeds on people. Fabio and Imhol are cut out of the grass by Ulrike, but she takes her sweet time in doing so.

The actual investigation of the graveyard terms up nothing of note beyond what the Inn-keeper said. Several mausoleums have broken locks, some bodies are missing, but there are no clues.

Stumped, the party decides to take up various positions in the graveyard/forest and hold a stake out.
After a couple hours of waiting, the party sees Osprant leap out of his tree and sprint toward the graveyard while screaming about Taal. Suddenly, they also notice another shadowy figure bolt from the graveyard. Obviously, the party gives chase. A few times they nearly lose the figure but Osprant manages to tail it through a hunting path in the woods to a small, shitty looking, two story shack. As the reach the cabin, or rather as Osprant reaches the shack, there is enough moonlight to clearly see a very dirty, disheveled man slam the door behind him. Osprant, being Osprant, smashes against the door but is repulsed as large sounding locks slam into place.

>>50958829
He spends the next five minutes smashing down the door with his flail, giving the rest of the party time to catch up to him. As they arrive, the party can see the floor of the house is covered in small paper pamphlets, coated with varying degrees of filth.

Not wanting to be the group mook, Fabio gently prods Osprant to feel free to enter the suspicious and spooky looking house first. Happily obliging, Osprant decides to coat his flail in alcohol and light it on fire to see and then runs in screaming.

He is promptly shot in the side by a crossbow bolt.

Now, as the party’s meatshield, Osprant’s player had an amazing ability to pass nearly all save or die rolls when he moved onto the Crit table, which is what governs your fate when you go below 0 wounds in WFRP. Because of this, he happily rushed through two more rooms, and took two more crossbow bolts in the chest before screaming “Shit’s trapped yo!” And running outside.

>>50958922
Deciding that they should try to think, Fabio grabbed a few pamphlets from the floor of main entranceway the group had already cleared and brought them outside to try and read. Unfortunately, Fabio cannot read, in fact no one could read except Ulrike or Imhol. The DM passed Ulrike’s player several note cards detailing the pamphlets. After a minute or two Ulrike said they boiled down to two points.
1: Karl Franz is a lizard person in a cloak made of human skin seeking to control the Empire
2: His closest advisors are all “wee men” which the party took to men half things in disguise. Imhol confirmed that the pamphlets were basically worthless.
Clearly, the pamphlets wouldn’t be of any use so the party took another quick huddle and decided to attempt to shield wall their way through the house. Imhol said he would “stand guard” at the door in order to prevent the grave robber from escaping as they clear the house room by room.
Overall the plan worked fairly well, outside of a few more crossbow traps being sprung when the party checks drawers and wardrobes on the man floor no real injuries were taken.

>>50940884
as much as i like this story, it still triggers me that he called him LOS and not EL

>>50959010
With the main floor cleared, the party (Imhol included) headed upstairs to try and clear the remaining rooms. The final master bedroom area was completely empty except for a hole in the floor, a hole filled with around two to three feet of shit — and the graverobber.

The party called out to him and tried to get him surrender but he mostly muttered crazily to himself and hugged his knees while rocking back and forth.

Eventually, they tied Imhol to a rope and forced him into the hole to drag the grave robber out of the hole.

Reeking of shit and very annoyed Imhol managed to haul the grave robber kicking and screaming up out of the hole. Afterwards, the man broke down crying on the floor and refused to say anything intelligible.

>>50958577
Anyone still reading along?

>>50959227
I am

>>50959227
Just waiting for it to get interesting. Storywise not much has happened yet.

requesting bricktown if anyone has it

>bricktown, the island town whose only export was bricks from the local brick mine

>>50959149
Immediately, Osprant moved to kill the robber in cold blood as a potential chaos worshipper.

Imhol, still covered in shit, stood in front of him and argued that they needed the man, and that they should interrogate him for more information.

Osprant offers Imhol an ultimatum. Either the robber dies now, or you die with him.

Meanwhile, Sorgrim had completed the Elite Four for the second time, Fabio can’t seem to pick a side and Ulrike looked concerned.

Imhol and Osprant drew weapons and Imhol pleaded for someone to help him, aware that he stood no real chance against Osprant, injured or not.

Finally, Ulrike stepped forward, drew her sword, and stood to oppose Osprant, then suddenly sliced off the robbers head with it.

The deed done, the party promptly went to looting the man’s corpse as Imhol stood off sadly.

On the robbers corpse the party found a small note.
“Thank you for your services, I will be happy to hire you again in the future. Enclosed is your payment.
-Richter Barnhoff”

The party didn’t recognize the name, but figuring they’d done their job, decided to sleep in the Inn tonight and speak to the Noblemen tomorrow.

>>50959303
Back at the inn Imhol paid for a much needed bath, Fabio, Sorgrim, and Osprant drank heavily and Ulrike asked the inn keep if he knew anything about Richter Barnhoff.
Apparently, Richter was an embalmer who stayed in the town but often left to cater to rich nobles. However, the inn keep hadn’t seen him in several days and figured he was off “collecting” another client. To be honest, the inn keeper didn’t really like the man, he was always leaving late at night and seemed overly chummy with the lord’s mistress. The inn keep also managed to point out which house in town belonged to Richter. The next morning Ulrike made the mistake of conferring this information to Osprant, who took off toward Richter’s house and began to bludgeon it down.
Now, this was quite a small town, but even a small town has a watch and the watch arrived in full force in the form of a 60 year old man and two pre-pubescent boys.

In a cracking, squeaking voice, one of the pre-pubescent watchmen asked if Osprant could “um, not do that.”

Osprant began screaming that he was doing this on behalf of the village’s lord and that all that is unnatural and unclean must be burned.

The guard replied with a hesitant“But we’ll uh, have to arrest you.”

>>50959405
Hearing the screaming, the rest of the party arrived to find Osprant facing off against the terrified looking town guard. Some tense, and poorly phrased reassurances from Fabio later, the guards decided it would be better to accept the group’s explanation rather than fight a mad man and his four friends and left with their tale between their legs.

Inside Richter’s house the group found a large assortment of vials of strange chemicals and powders. (one of which, a red colored powder, sorgrim inexplicably dedicated to snag when no one was looking), several moderate sized animals floating in embalming fluid, but no bodies.

In one room they did find a large bloodstain but in an embalmer’s house that could mean anything. Figuring that it was a dead end or a red herring the group decided to return to the inn for one last drink and then collect their reward. While getting drunk, they decide to ask the inn keeper about the shack in the woods and a strange jittery man obsessed with wee men and lizard people.

>>50959470
A sad look came over the innkeepers face as he explained that the robber, who’s real name was Fritz, lost his son’s in the war and his wife died soon after. He then went mad, but really wouldn’t hurt anyone unless manipulated.

He asked why Ulrike had decided to ask, leading to the awkward confession that Fritz was now dead and had been robbing the graveyard. She also told the innkeeper about the note from Richter in his pocket.

The inn keep immediately called out to his assistant and sent him off on a horse to go get some vague kind of help. He asked quietly asked the party to leave the inn for an hour or so as he would have to go run a quick errand, and suggested that maybe they could go collect their reward while he was gone.

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>>50959586

>>50959523
Confused, but quite good at taking direction, the party left to the Noble’s villa. Although it was only early afternoon they initially didn’t receive any response at the door upon knocking and had to make a large amount of noise for several minutes before Wilhelm came to the door.

When he answered, Wilhelm’s puffy shirt was ruffled beyond belief and his face was smeared with make up. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t let the party in, he wouldn’t even talk to them for a few minutes. He said he was intensely busy and could give them their reward tomorrow and rebuffed all other lines of conversation.

From the other room a call of “Oh Willllllllie.” Led to him slamming the door in the PC’s faces.

Walking back to the center of town the party noticed the inn keeper emerging from the embalmer’s house and opening the inn back up. When questioned, he asked the PCs to stay one more night and to sleep in the bar.

When they refused he brought them back to the embalmers house. He had hacked apart bloodstained segment of floor and underneath it were several shriveled up half eaten corpses, some human, and some animal. He revealed himself as a member of the Fellowship of the Shroud, a splinter order of Morr dedicated to investigating and revealing Vampires. He convinced the party that the embalmer must have been in league with someone in the town, likely the Lord’s mistress, and now that the party has taken their duties to far, it is likely they will be attacked tonight.

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Allow me to tell you the story of the time the party's Lawful Good cleric turned into pic related.

>Paladin, Druid, Cleric, Rogue party
>Level 3 or 4
>We've been tracking a thief that apparently stole some artifact etc.
>Tracks lead into a broken-down stronghold
>Gottabeit.map
>Rogue scouts ahead
>Nevermind, it's loaded with orcs
>Botch the stealth check on the way out
>Party rushes in to save him
>Would have TPK'd but the DM took pity
>We are now captives
>Cleric and rogue do a great job of bluffing the orcs
>Grab a long rest
>The quest for the fake treasure begins
>No equipment, it's back at the fortress
> 4 orcs (1 is a chieftain)
>4 PCs
>One shot to save this
>Paladin leads one away
>Rogue slips his bonds
>Cleric manages to carve a holy symbol into the dirt as a makeshift focus
>Druid is ready to wildshape
>Combat begins
>Paladin just does his best to keep the fourth orc off of the rest
>Rogue panics and dodges away to wait for an opening
>Druid is now a bear
>Cleric's turn
>I can hear the death in his voice
>"Second level command, the two weak orcs"
>"What is your command?"
>"Betray," It comes out as a growling hiss
>Orcs now swinging at their commander
>Next turn, one orc dies to the druid
>Cleric's turn
>"Second level command, Duel"
>Actually frightening
>Just the chief left
>Cleric comes around
>"I have one last command"
>"What is it?"
>"Die" Proceeds to cast inflict wounds
>Rolls just short of maximum damage
>Melts the chieftain

And that was the day the cleric went from "I value life and defend it" LG to "No mercy for those who deserve none" LN

>>50959767
As a note, orcs had been this party's bane. At level two a surprise attack by some orcs killed their ranger. Later on an ambush cost them supplies. Basically, fuck orcs.

>>50959653
He said his assistant will likely bring whatever help the Fellowship can offer by tomorrow morning but they must survive the night. The party agreed to stay the night and went to gather the watch to join their defense.

When they arrived in the small watch building, (functionally a one room office and jail) and informed the sexagenarian watch office and his two deputy guard that there was a vampire in the town. He instantly began to pack his bags and rode out of town within the hour. Left to their own devices, the party returned to the inn.

Needless to say, the night was a harrowing experience. While the inn keep decided to plate the party’s best weapons with silver in order to better deal with a vampire, should one arrive, waves of risen zombies and skeletons, supported by crypt ghouls broke through the walls of the inn and severely injured most of the party by the time morning came.
Imhol in particular was on his last legs.

Fortunately, the vampire itself had not attacked the inn, and the inn keeper had successfully plated all their weapons with silver, which would hopefully give them an edge. More good news arrived as the inn keeper’s assistant returned with a Knight of the Raven in tow, elite warriors from the Fellowship clad in full plate.

Thus prepared the PCs were persuaded with the promise of large payment to put the vampire to rest by marching on the noble’s villa, assisted by the Knight, of course.

>>50959794
With Osprant leading the way the party burst through the front door of the villa only to find Wilhelm’s desiccated corpse along with two elegantly dressed figures.

One, clearly Wilhelm’s mistress, was the most beautiful woman the party had ever seen with cheekbones that could cut granite and a small smirk.
The other, was a man who in normal clothes would’ve been described as snippy or bitter, and all dressed up looked like he was unfairly imbued with authority, like a shitty librarian.

The woman began to go into a dramatic speech was but immediately charged by Osprant with the rest of the party quickly following. The small man, who was clearly the embalmer and thrall of the true vampire managed to double-crit his first attack. Taking the leg of the Knight off at the knee causing him to bled out on the floor.

With the party’s insurance quickly squashed things looked much worse. Sorgrim, Fabio, Ulrike and Osprant collectively focused the thrall, hoping to bring him down with sheer weight of wounds. It seemed to work causing him to collapse under the onslaught.
Then, the female vampire looked at sorgrim. To remind you sorgrim was barely smarter than a horse and he had a willpower to match. One look was all it took before he charged at Imhol, who was plinking away uselessly in the back line. Now the strongest combatant in the party was locked in a duel with the heavily wounded weakest member of the party. It was over quickly.

I'm looking for a particular story of a paladin played right. I remember a part where the party rogue is whining about getting less loot than they could hav and the paladin gives the him his own magic item as compensation. That's all I can remember.

>>50947021
How are stories about games off topic?

>>50950550
I agree. The player might have been annoying, it depends on his delivery and how the group reacted. But the GM definitely sounds like a control freak and railroader. I would kill to have players that were imaginative enough to ignore quest hooks and make up their own objectives.

>>50959998
I didn't say they were, just that people on this board bitch about off-topic things and that might be the reason the writefag story time threads aren't up?
>>50960088
I would think most people would agree with me. but it seems we had a couple control freak GM's up in here last night. :p

>>50960184
>>50960088
I dunno, as a player I'd rather play with someone who put some effort into their OC Donut Steel character. Like at least rename them. I played a gnome based off Zapp Brannigan before, but I at least had the decency to come up with a name that was similar instead of directly copying it

>>50954817
I'm glad my story is making the rounds. I was worried it would be forgotten.

>>50944073
Still the best greentext I've ever saved

>you will never have a GM that cool

>>50954973
Holy fuck, that's my game, I wrote that.
Talk about a blast from the past

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>>50970941

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>>50970953

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>>50971000

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>>50971011

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>>50971020

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>>50971031

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>>50971043

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>>50971052

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>>50971062

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>>50971077

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>>50971161

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>>50971209

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>>50971230

>>50941781
That DM is a whole new level of retarded.
>He always made mary sues
>He finally makes a decent character
>LOL better rape his character
And the lesson learned by Orris' player was to never make a character with any real depth or story arc or else the DM will punish you.

>>50971466
Yeah, he's a cunt. Nobody except for edgy contrarians gonna argue with you.

>>50971077
Of all stories that never fucking happened, this never happened most of all. Ticks literally all the boxes of a made up greentext.

Does anyone have that story time of an NPC town guardsman armed with a warhammer defeating an all assassin party?

>>50940884
There aren't nat20 or nat1s on grapple checks...
Also
>Turn after turn winning against a dragon on grapple checks
This story seems impossible

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>>50971031

>>50971000
I'm surprised he didn't exalt

>>50971209
sounds about right for patched up bikers

>>50971851
Are you implying that someone posted lies on the internet?

>>50971851
Low levels, anon. A young dragon is only human sized or smaller and doesn't get the huge natural bonuses to grapples yet. It's not until level 7-9 that grapple characters start to really dip behind monsters.

>>50973404
>falling from 200ft at low levels
>Not immediately dying

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>>50973945

>>50973404
>>50973377
>>50973946
Also a large dragon (young) has between +24 and +30 to grapple while a, lets say 7th level player, has (assuming monk with 24 Str for example even if MAD af) has around +14, and according to that story he had been wining all grapple checks (because if he fails one he stop grappling and falls) till the end. That's statistically possible so is being shot in the head 10 times and not die because the atoms of the bullets never meet the atoms of your head so they all go through you without damaging you

And again, Nat20 means nothing on checks, only on save rolls and attack rolls

I once beat a CR 24 demon with a CR 5 rogue in direct combat, all by myself, using a gun that dealt 3d6 piercing damage.

>>50974021
actually, with small calibre ammunition and the right angles and shot placement it is entirely possible (if improbable) to take ten shots to the head and have them all glance off of your skull

>>50971553
For any newfags here please clarify, not all of us here have this magic list of points that tell us if something's fake.

>>50974601
Because a lot of these stories ignore half the rules of the game they're playing while also introduce something like rolling an exact number in a d20 for 30 times, that's like tossing a coing and call tails and get tails for 100 tossings.

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>>50974674
I bet you love the tale of Saint Grendel. It's not a greentext, but it is a /tg/ story, so whatever: https://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Guy_Who_Cried_Grendel

>>50974674
I don't see how ignoring rules makes it fake isn't homebrewing a part of ttrpg's? now the rolling i can't fault you on that does get suspicious.

>>50974728
See >>50974043. That's impossible unless you ignore tons of rules, and if you do why is that even a feat worth mentioning? it had no difficulty whatsoever

I've got a bunch of stories from my dumbfuck regular players. Most of 'em are from the one time I ran a Game of Thrones campaign.

>party is a noble house in the Vale, house Brady - Lord of the house is an NPC (initially)
>characters are Roland the bro-tier knight, Pendryn the senile old maester, Ruckland the powergame'd murderhobo knight, Rowan the cocky house heir, Mors the inexplicable Greenseer and Edwyn the edgelord
>most of the stupidity was perpetrated by the last 4
>campaign starts with the lord declaring that they'll be hosting a minor tournament to affiliate with some other noble houses, get their name out there and earn some glory
>Edwyn spent a bunch of his background points on being friendly with some of the local hill tribes, so the lord asks him to make sure they don't attack anyone travelling to the tournament, otherwise it'll make the house look bad
>goes to talk with the local hill tribes chieftains, acts so horribly condescending and arrogant that he’s no longer considered friendly towards them – but they agree not to attack anyone, in return for a bunch of castleforged weapons
>tournament begins eventually, several minor houses attending, one of whom is House Magdellan, a friendly rival house to the PCs
>the Four Amigos immediately decide they fucking hate the Magdellans
>during a bout, Ruckland tries to ‘accidentally’ kill the Magdellan’s heir, a cocky brat of a swordsman, but narrowly fails
>he fucking kills 3 or 4 other knights though, and gets confused when he’s not allowed to loot their corpses
>Lord Brady took him aside to ask him not to win, since it’d make the house look like twats
>he wins
>the house’s reputation is significantly worse because of him
>meanwhile, Mors decides he has a cunning plan to get at the Magdellans when they leave, dragging Edwyn along to talk to the hill tribes again

>>50974852
True, but not all of these stories are exact rundowns of how the game was played. they're perhaps oversimplifying or exaggerating. I don't really care if it's true or not, as long as it's entertaining the anon did a good job.

>>50974902
>they change the terms of the deal, saying they won’t get any weapons unless they attack the Magdellans’’ carriage – that way it won’t be traced back to them
>they neglect to tell Lord Brady about this ingenious plan, because he wants to ally with the Magdellans through marriage
>the hill tribes now fucking hate Edwyn, but reluctantly go along with it
>as the Magdellans leave, a band of hill tribesmen attack – most of the tribesmen are killed or injured, but they manage to bring down several Magdellan guards and injure the Lord and heir
>the party are patting themselves on the back for their masterful political maneuvering, and return to Lord Brady to discuss future plans
>Lord Brady looks pissed
>”I’m told that the Magdellans were attacked by the hill tribe savages as they left – go and tell them they won’t be getting any damned weapons from us!”
>only now do they realise how fucking stupid their idea was

And that’s how a player went from ‘friendly’ to ‘HUNT DOWN AND KILL’ with an NPC group in one session.

Those guys were the worst.

>>50974043
I get that referece

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>>50974601
It's very simple. "Everyone is being an unreasonable asshole, except for that one clever underdog player, who wins against everyone in the end, and in the end everyone stands up and claps".
The least offensive (and probably one of the first) version of this story is Old Man Henderson. Picrelated is another good example of this type of stories.

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I wonder if anyone remembers this thread as fondly as I do.

>>50974994
Yeah but that story is fun and engaging, and I've never played M&M, are they actually breaking rules here?

>>50975753
While you're a newfag, yes, you'll find those stories interesting and engaging. After a while, however, you'll be screaming "Give me something new and fresh! Also, fucking believable!".
If the story in that MM greentext actually happened, you bet your ass that the heroes were nowhere as dickish and the villains nowhere as clever.

>>50975801
Not really a newfag, just missed quite a few of the the stories, I do happen to have a life, friend. While I can understand the stories getting stale thing, I've watched all of the original six Star Wars movies, like eight times and reread all 7 Harry Potter books 11 or 12 times, so perhaps I just have a greater tolerance for seeing the same stories over, and over, while waiting for that one I haven't seen yet, or that completely new one.

>>50954983
Why does this image have meaningless filler that contributes nothing to it's story or goals

>>50975801
>9th year of /tg/
>lurked many of the threads these screencaps are from, one I even wrote
>still love screencap threads, still not this jaded

It's like seeing a bunch of old friends every time one of these threads pop up. Don't listen to this guy. He isn't wrong, fresh content is something you'll get hungry for after a while. But if you take some time away and do your own thing, then come back, you'll always enjoy it. Well, maybe some people stay bitter and demanding like that, but for most it is just a phase.

>>50975947
Dude was inexperienced at screencapping
Lets see if I can fix it

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>>50976003
lets see how this looks

>>50976034
Not much better, because you can't fix the half-assed way the posts were cropped originally. Resize your browser window, people.

>>50971553
Why do you fucking care? It's a story, dipshit.

>OH MAN THIS STORY ABOUT JEDI AND SITH IS SO UNREALISTIC

The fuck is wrong with you that you can't enjoy a story for the story without getting taken out of it because 'muh mechanics'?

>>50977307
Maybe if the story wasn't so shitty, I would suspend my disbelief.

>>50977307
>>50977361
Calm down, friends. He's just a little Jaded. no derailing the thread please

>>50977361
Then just admit that you think the story is shitty and that's your opinion. Don't try to take a sense of righteous indignation and put yourself in the 'correct' position just because the story isn't to your taste, faggot.

>>50977403
t. author of the story.
Maybe next time you can try inventing more believable characters and not framing everyone except for you as an unbearable, self-righteous asshole.

>>50977403
>>50977428
Post stories or write up your own, or discuss the stories politely, like why did you have a problem with it Anon #2? what specifically about the story irked you?

>>50977428
Star Wars is retarded, and so are you.

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>>50976610

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Jesus, guys, calm down. Some of you have shit taste, it's true, but it's not a reason to yell at each other in a greentext thread.
Here, have a story instead.

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>>50977524

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>>50977541

>>50976034
I don't think it's possible to miss the joke any harder than you did, there.

>>50977524
Wait. Why was bard's bloodline important?

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The players probably never asked. They didn't seem all too intelligent.

>>50977524
>>50977541
>>50977557
>Bard story
>not about Bard Dad
Talk about "shit taste" again, will you?

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Anyone wanna hear a story of autism from an experience GMing a homebrew psuedospiritual espionage game?

>>50978415

Need you even ask?

>>50978415
TELL, FAGGOT. WHAT FOOL SAYS NO TO STORYTIME!?

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>>50978415
Well are you gonna tell the story or not?

>>50979355
Yeah, give me a few minutes to type this stuff out

>>50979375
well, I only asked because it's been an hour, figured I'd see if you were done typing it up?

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>>50979422
Sorry, I got sidetracked by other things and didn't realize the thread was still active.

Ok, so here we go.
>observing homebrew tabletop games across VOIP for a while
>eventually someone stops running their game, I pipe up
>run my first game, based off a cyberpunk espionage metal-gear esque universe
>just as a little bit of background, this game was mostly character and story based. Not as combat based, lots of intrigue and conspiracy
>However, there were of course plenty of rolls for all sorts of things, mostly for shiggles. Let the dice gods decide, right?
>This gets into magical realm territory because all the PCs in the group think it's funny. So, at the beginning of the game, everyone rolls for penis size using a D12. Everyone scored fairly normally, except for one PC, named Roman. He got a twelve.
>This is important later, when everyone in the game came to hate a single autist named Roman due to a single roll.
>fast forward during the game, it's made clear that Roman, as a big anime fan, is also a fan of loli. I had heard of his autistic exploits before but never experienced it first hand. It started with him diverting from the rest of a party investigating a company called PAIN inc.
>he diverted for what reason?
>well, Roman was a Digital Support Specialist, AKA a decker (pic attached was the player portrait he based his character on)
>he hacked and found that PAIN had a series of prototype pleasure/leisure bots
>raid ended in him bursting out of the building driving a forklift with a lolibot, and gunfire following him
>anyway
>things calm down, the party finds refuge in a safehouse on the outskirts of Salt Lake City, called Blimp that an NPC named Rutto secured for them
>during a random encounter, one of the PCs, we'll call him Will, sees a mysterious woman leaving a conversation with Rutto, and stops her
>he finds out she's a human trafficker named Dolphin
>designed to be a one time encounter, had no idea it would change everything
cont

>>50979760
Bump

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>>50979760
cont
>Lawful Stupid Will sees an opportunity to rescue some children, so he gets in a limo with her
>Roman hears the word children, and follows along. He was in the area and just decided to tag along without a good reason.
>dont really pay it much mind, figure it might be a fun chance for the PCs to bond under the criminal underworld
>Will does most of the talking, asking Dolphin about her business
>Will as it turns out, is pretty smooth
>Then Will asks if he can make four purchases
>wat
>Dolphin's occular augments, which allow her to tell when people are lying, don't see anything out of the ordinary
>roman pipes up and also asks for four orders
>double wat
>Dolphin rolls for lies, doesn't see anything
>fast forward a few days, the PCs get their order
>come packaged in plastic bags
>they both open their orders in the RVs they use as mobile bases
>Will opens his orders, uncovering 4 small children, he manages to calm most of them
>Roman goes to open his packages
>he ordered 4 pre-teen aged girls
>however, one of them looks like a loli. She has purple hair, is energetic, and a prankster
>She is Cassidy
>Through a series of unfortunate events and several airstrikes from the enemy, who decide the PCs have had enough time to rest, Will's lolis are all kidnapped and presumed dead, which leaves him alone save for a captured miniboss waifu
>Roman, however, has his girls saved, save for one, who Roman only saves by transferring her brain onto his own brain which he promptly forgets about for a chapter (pic related)
>this leaves roman with a small family, and everyone else proper gutted like
>The other PCs move on, getting gear, meeting new characters, and trying to thwart the plans of the BBEG
>Roman never moves on
>slowly separates from the party, spending almost 100 percent of his time with his girls
>ignores class levelling, ignores learning how to hack, ignores plot and current events
>eventually he becomes very close with two girls, Alex and Andrea
cont

>>50977307
This last year, I tricked my dad into watching the Lost Boys.
I asked him if it was a good movie...
"Well, it didn't really happen..."
I did cajole him into admitting it was good.

My dad considers soft sci-fi to be fantasy and fantasy to be silliness.
Like Tolkien = Barney the Dinosaur.
I ran a game of d&d with him once.
Once.

>>50980032
cont
>it is important to note that though most of the PCs stopped giving a shit about roman, they started caring about his girls, who he mostly left to their own devices, or had to have other PCs help him with them (it's another player that eventually gets the girl Roxie out of his brain, even though he's the hacker of the party)
>anyway, he becomes very close with Alex and Andrea and with the power of a natural 20 and his 12 inch shlong, he convinces both of them to be in a relationship with him
>eventually, over the course of a chapter, the party moves to a new location in the swiss alps, and meets some new characters. However, Alex and Andrea remain by Roman's side.
>But despite their best efforts he manages to create a huge divide
>his attempts at "spending time" with them consist of three things: trying to get them to play strip poker, skinny dipping, cooking, and diverting every attempt of geniune interaction to "how about we do something you like!"
>over the course of a month irl, his relationship breaks apart
>this begins to affect him irl as well, as his character is so invested in these two girls, that when they tell him that they're in love with each other and not him, it guts him
>still tries to stay friends with Alex, and sometimes trains with her
>decide things have to come to an end
>while he's sparring with Alex, he critically hits her, knocking her off a helipad
>Alex rolls a 1 to fortitude
>ruptures her spleen
>though she eventually seems to recover, it's discovered that she has an illness from way before when she was kidnapped and frozen, and her reduced immune system from the injury eventually results in her going into a coma
>NPC encourages him to euthanize her, which he does
>literally causes Roman to cry ooc
>realize at this point this has hit a point of no return
>All alone, except for one sole loli who is always friendly
>this is where Cassidy comes in

>>50980252
cont
>meanwhile, this is while the rest of the party is literally trying to stop the BBEG from releasing biological toxins across the world in the hopes to turn all of humanity into a hiveminded slave race
>nanomachines, psychic powers, the noosphere, all involved
>and then we have Roman, who spends his time hanging out with Cassidy and other young girls, safe at the hideout watching movies in a den and cooking food, while the party literally fights hordes of mechanical zombies, fighting liquid metal shapeshifters
>but Cassidy is the missing link, and everyone likes her, Will becomes friends with her and calls her his "spicy pepper"
>Even though Alex died, Andrea hates him, and Roman faces constant disdain from soldiers who insist he is deadweight, Cassidy helps to lift his soul
>turns out she's wise beyond her years
>spends many nights staying up with roman, helping him with his struggles
>despite his inability to do anything at this point, she tries to help, and is fun to be around
>at some point, Will had his consciousness transferred into one of Roman's other girls (who nobody cared about to begin with, especially Roman) and acquired a potent aphrodisiac from an ancient hacker from 1982 with a propensity to do drugs
>it is extremely potent and very magical, and the now female Will uses it often, as he becomes chaotic neutral
>I think they do it to punish me as a DM
>one day, Roman is spending his standard turn of hunting down a girl to accost
>finds Cassidy
>through a series of events, Cassidy breaks a vial of aphrodisiac in her mouth, causing her to ingest it
>eventually the two end up in the bedroom, and Roman, with a pearl of wisdom unmatched so far in this campaign
>he decides to give her booze

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>>50954983

Can someone post the one about getting hooked in the goober?

>>50980458
cont
>Cassidy starts getting frisky
>though I did it as a test, I hope the PC will decline
>he doesn't
>everyone in the party is astounded by him taking advantage of an intoxicated Cassidy, the pure spicy pepper who has always been there for anyone feeling down
>fade to black
>eventually the two wake up to find out that Cassidy's insides hurt, and he brings her to the doctor who ends up informing everyone else
And all of this is before he has a session long fight with the BBEG's alternate self to try to get her to bring Alex back to life, marries a clone for no other reason than to try and end the game with something good happening

Long story short, in my first campaign, a series of events led to the worst hacker I have ever seen rape a small girl and cause a cervical impaction that garnered him the undying hate of every NPC he knew, as well as from the other PC
so I guess the moral of the story is to remember the consequences of random encounters

>>50980630
That's.... that's kind of fucked up due, how many years did this take place over? as in how many years was he taking care of these girls Cassidy included? in-game btw not out.

>>50980698
That's the thing - all of this took place within about 11 months of in-game timeover the course of almost a year, the PC started out as a hacker, then became a human trafficker himself in an attempt to become some sort of twisted father figure to these tortured souls, became a polygamist, was so terrible at it that he made two girls turn into lesbians, killed one of them, then committed what was tantamount to rape of another one.
It only got worse in the sequel game where Roman divorced the clone and re-united with Cassidy 2 years and one healing trip to Tibet later. He also ended up letting a loli clone get gutted by a shapeshifter. But those are different stories.

>>50980835
Yeah still fucked up.

>>50949269
I need more of this that guy in my life

>>50949979
You're not wrong and I fucking hate gimmicky comic relief shit intruding on the epic fantasy I'm trying to experience but there comes a point where you just have to respect it. That guy is fucking awesome

>>50949269
>enemy orc you have to fight has information
>campaign is ruined if orc dies

That's easily fixable.

Just give the info to another orc, or in another way. I wouldn't be surprised if an enemy dies in the fight.

>>50966778
wasn't there a follow-up to that story when some other anon said he knew that guy based off the description of what went down at the other store?

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Reminds me of this time I played a barbarian for a one-shot who was, by way of stats, not retarded, but his way of thinking was so out there he was effectively INT 6 instead of INT 8.
>Wizard gives him a set of keys that fit nothing to distract him
>Barbarian proceeds to check EVERY lock he can find
>Obviously none of the keys work
>Comes back to the wizard

>Barbarian: "Hey, none of these keys work."
>Wizard: "...Of course. They're just for show."
>Barbarian: "...You're carrying around a set of keys that don't fit any locks."
>Wizard: "Yes, to distract simpletons like you."
>Barbarian: "But these keys are useless! I thought wizards were supposed to be smart! Stupid wizard."
>Barbarian walks away laughing
>Wizard's face when
I thought he was going to kill me then and there. I toned down the dumbass gags after that.

>>50981044
The wizard was Plo-koon?

>>50981044
That sounds more like a low wisdom character to me. Low INT would be the guy who forgets where he started and loops back to unlocking the first door a few times.

>>50941781

I have never laughed so fucking hard in my life!

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>>50959586
>tfw i finally managed to find the whole version

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>>50980898
the whole game ended up quickly gaining a reputation for being pretty fucked up, partially from my actions as the DM but moreso by the actions of the PCs. I'm just glad I finished the first game, after 8 months of running it 6 hours a night 7 nights a week

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>>50981986
Six hours to game, let's say eight hours of either work or school, and presumably around eight hours of sleep. That leaves two spare hours every day. What the fuck, man

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>>50982007
Needless to say, far too much effort went into it. It was my first ever time GMing, after all.
Did lead to some pretty funny moments though, while half asleep. Mostly involving the same retard.
>Roman is wasting yet another session with family dinner night at a local bookstore/coffeeshop (with a cute waitress who was later chopped up and stored in the freezer by BBEG henchmen and was blamed on Roman for carelessness)
>Andrea, Alex, and Roman all get something to eat
>half awake, so I just autopilot a dinner sequence
>get to dessert, PC pipes up, I hear a PC utter the words "tiramisu"
>imagine someone is going on about how they love tiramisu because I'm half listening
>with slurred speech, Andrea turns to him and says "Why don't you take some for the road you fat fuck"
>turns out PC was asking if an NPC had ever had tiramisu because he never had
>respond by saying "Andrea looks at you from the filth and dirt in which she does not belong
>turn ends with Alex calling another PC a literal nigger for making fun of Roman, before I realize I can't function and end the session

>>50951737
Is there a proper conclusion to this story?

>>50982094
I don't know, I've asked the same question myself, hoping either someone has seen more, or the OG anon who posted it passes through.

>>50941279
my god... the penis was the source of Dildoni's power!

This is the short, brutal, cocaine filled story that is Flesh stick, my CE Gnome Rouge.

My buddy was building his own (kinda bad desu) system, and didn't have a lot of DnD experience (he has issues with it for some odd reason) so me and 2 others decided to teach him how to play 5E.

Party as follows;
Fleshstick; (my toon) CE gnome rouge, accidental leader of the party and 'Midboss'. Think midget psycho from boarderlands, with a bow, and a panchent for gouging out the eyes of his opponents screaming obscenities. He also collected teeth.
Sir Bouland; Dex fighter, sneaky and flesh sticks battle brother. Played by a very intelligent, but oblivious to pop culture.
Manic 'The Holy'; a multiple personality Battle Cleric whos different heads worshiped different (Actually the same ) gods. This guy is utterly insane and played by the noob.

Our first adventure together has us lvl1 and doing the premade opening campaign for 5E, which has you royally fuck up some goblins day, and rescue a merchant. when we finished testing the game out, we wanted more and the DM (a Clever Man) decided to run a campaing he'd been writing for awhile. Hilarity ensued

>Be us
>just got back from curb stopping goblins and collecting their teeth (FleshStick has around 15 confirmed kills at this point a made a necklace.)
>We get sent on a fetch quest for a foreboding wizard guy (wants to get something called a 'Moons Tear', which we have no idea what is and he doesn't help in the slightest) and on our way to a fortune teller we meet the lady of pain
>Cleric tries to high five her, gets dropped to 1 and learned not to highfive gods
>eventually find fortune teller, tells us we have to find the tear in another plane
>Get 'sent' to the plane by an extradimentional asshole of a god who likes shits and giggles.
>End up in the basement of some fucking hole.
>Hear door open and close quickly and some really cheery music start up
>investigate
>get to ground floor, find a guy covered in various masks

>>50982854

Something not said, but me and the cleric both have masks on, FleshSticks is a Psycho mask, the cleric had this trifecta mask thing that switched when he went into a new personality. it's not important, just a neat weirdity.

>day light, little green hat trailing outside
>Fleshstick follows
>crazy man in masks becomes distraction plot, and blocks the way
>casts a spell with organ to protect us and 'heal us'
>everyone gets a new spell and a magical instrument
>Mfw we are in majora's mask
>Mfw it's the dawn of the first day
>Mfw i'm the only one besides the DM who has played a zelda game
>Mfw i have a mask for a face(i did try to take it off, reviling that it is in fact me behind the mask, is why the next shit wasn't considered meta gaming)
>At this point i know what to do to get a 'Moons tear"
>immediately head to the observatory, told to eat several flavors of dick and that a small deku child already has the moons tear
>Make it goal to murder the child
>find out he went to the forest temple (inside changed to prevent full meta bullshit)
>break in with music (FleshStick plays the spoons and 'harmonica'.)
>start clearing dugeon, get hurt
>cleric can't heal
>well fuck
>find a 'Garden' in one of the rooms, has plant.
>FleshStick Literally at 2 hp, decides to eat a plant to see what happens. Starts healing slowly.
>Also vague numbness and a few will challenges
>Whatever, heal up to full
>Make it too Mini boss room, meet lizard fuck
>Cleric and Fighter engage in close combat
>getting shit wrecked
>FleshStick ends up doing a maneuver when her manages to get a rope around the neck of the Lizard Fuck.
>Proceed to know it off the edge and hang it
>Good kill, take much teeth
>realise we are super wounded and have spent the past three days in game getting to this point
>Moon Crash one
>wake up in basement
>literally run to the front door to find Link
>Murder him outright and take his sword (1)
>we start selling the various loots we found.

>>50982982
was that the end?

>>50982982
THIS IS LONGER THAN I PLANNED ALREADY

>Realise we can break economy by ignoring man quest.
>Three cycles later we are ballers and have been attacked by the meta owl (an owl that attacked you for too much meta)
>got into a fight with aunicorn and got super hurt again, started noming plants
>Crit fail will save, fully addicted to the cocaine plant
>doesn't even heal me any more
>not eating makes me take damage
>eating too much of it poisons me
>Every time he gets a chance to, FleshStick collects as many plants as he can
>bag of holding full of this plant
>Litterally dedicates the first day to collecting this plant
>learned how to manually reset time after chasing down Link a few times
>Dawn of the first day, didn't kill link this time because plot happened and the boss room opened
>Cleric basically says he wants to spend his money on something that will take three days to make, then spends the rest of time literally sitting and farting.
>Fighter goes off to train while his shits being made
>FleshStick Returns to the dugeon for delicious plant.
>Dm is like, anything welse you wanna do?
>link hasn't been by yet, mini boss is still up, and fleshstick just wants to murder link and eat cocaine
>Decides to become the mini boss of the dungeon
>proceeds to get hyper addicted to the cocaine plant
>Link challenges FleshStick to single combat
>Cocaine strength earned him a hat and another master sword (4 at this point)
>Other party members find FleshStick in a puddle of link eating cocain
>Moon crashes
>He eats more Cocaine
It's too bad we stopped playing that campaign after that. Wanted more in that world

>>50983127
this is

>>50983144
TL:DR

My midget Psycho got planted in the marjoa's mask world and meta'd his way into a cocaine addiction and a collection of links body parts.

>>50957015
but should we really go for a musical ?
I mean, even /mlp/ has an album at this point, we should go for something else

>>50961020
I love this one

Be us
Bard, Paladin, Ranger
Go to temple to investigate Paladins past.
Get into fight with mushroom monsters
Bard is in back, Ranger shooting arrows, Paladin failing to hit
Win barely
Get into other fight since paladin hit his hammer on the walls with mushrooms on it
Spores get into Paladins face, starts hearing things
Get into other fight Paladin fails all his attack rolls again
Bard and Ranger clean up
Paladin kicks Bard into a bed of mushrooms
Bard get mad, Cover in spores
Ranger is laughing
Bard reasons to leave temple to get spores removed
Paladin wants to continue down the temple
We continue down the temple
Next scene we see BBEG
Paladin jumps to attack
Get shit our shit wrecked, BBEG takes ancient relic and teleports out
Paladin is knocked out
Drag paladin to town
Paladin wants to go back into temple
Spore begin to hurts and paralyze us as we near temple, Voices grow stronger
Ask nearby village if there is a way to remove spores, No answears other then we will die in a few months
Go across the sea to new town to find hopes of a cure
At a shop, paladin asks for an adventure
Shop keepers offer to go to the inn, or perhaps ask a guard
Paladin attacks shop keep
Paladin gets arrested
Bard and Ranger plan a Break out
Break paladin out of prison.
Next session Paladin doesn’t come
Group think he’s not coming back
Ranger takes a blackjack and knock paladin out
Frame paladin for murdering town’s guards
DM wants to continue temple story
Bard and Ranger wish to watch Paladin get executed
Paladin will be executed in capitol city, as a warning to those who break the law
Bard and Ranger do not have access to horses and begin travelling to the Capitol as fast as possible.
Execution will happen in a week, Bards last wish is to watch paladin die.

>>50982094
i think the conclusion happens in part 2 and 3-5 are what happened leading up to the non-sequtiurs in 1&2

>>50983809
Possible, but you can tell that he had more to tell.

>>50974021
My group always plays Nat20s as a huge success. Even if it isn't in the rules. Usually we let it take the place of two checks, that sort of thing.

>>50959586
Been looking for this, thanks famalam

>>50975801
while this greentext is clearly fake as shit, Henderson is still controversial, mainly because the story was told by several different posters
And, aside from the long-ass backstory, there isn't much that is that unbelievable

>>50975947
because you missed the point/ didn't read the text

>>50977524
>>50977541
>>50977557
I know this is the kind of stuff that happens when you make shady dealings, but what was the DM thinking when he decided have his players go trough this ?
There was litterally no way for them to succeed

>>50983729
NG;DR

>>50971161
I was sitting in my living room, drinking cocoa, and having a good day. And I read this story. And I had to put my cocoa down. This was quite honestly creepy as hell, because I can see it happening in real life. Hell, we actually DO see it happen occasionally, all that's missing is the proper camps.

>>50954950
I got a hearty ass laugh outta this one.

Does anyone have the story of the guy who has to marry a christmas cake dark elf?

>>50959586
>complete mastery over any weapon he holds

I can think of at least two anime characters that applies too.

>>50984416
>Ask more details about the mission before leaving on a year-long journey.
>Don't make 12 pacts with the devil without knowing the price in advance.
>Don't split the party

>>50959612
I was actually looking for this one a while ago.

>>50980458
>>I think they do it to punish me as a DM
They do, anon. You opened the gates to the magical realm and you paid the price.

>>50986725
don't wanna make you feel worse, but how else would you describe conversion "therapy" camps?

>>50989755
>Don't make 12 pacts with the devil without knowing the price in advance
this was never specified in the story
>Don't split the party
>Ask more details about the mission before leaving on a year-long journey
fair enough, but you gotta take into account that players will always be retarded, having it play like this means that there was actually very few ways for it to work correctly

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>>50986725
spoilered because /pol/

>>50977557
Hold on, is that the story from Heroes of the Spiderwoods?

>>50991070
Nope.

>>50991098
it seems like it actually. I've just checked and OP in that thread mentioned that his party is the same from some "search for a bard" greentext.

>>50991238
You mean the survivors at the end?

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>>50991340
no, I mean this.

>>50991377
Same players different characters, may very well be, but not necessarily.

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>>50990738
It was said the contracts had 'vague and very poetic prices'. If you're dumb enough to make a deal with an archfey, you pretty much deserve to get fucked over. Making twelve of them, each of which has a vague and poetic sounding payment, probably merits a Darwin award.

Ethical question: Would it be awful if I used concepts from any of these story times? Or are ideas shared in the public domain free to interpretation?

>>50998093
I don't think copyright law applies to any of this but it might depend on what you used it for.

>>50975981
you werent here since 2004? reddit newfag reeeee

>>50977384
one shitposter can decimate an entire thread

i should know, i've been /pol/posting threads into oblivion for months

one bitter, ignorant contrarian is all it takes kiddo

>>50998342
Why?

>>50998093
>Would it be awful
Maybe. Depends on your group and their familiratiry with /tg/ or at least the story you used it if from. For example I want to steal the stuff from the fallen paladin story. What with the trials to regain powers and so on. That's before for all of the other awesome stories that have elements I plan on using or already have used.

>ideas shared on public domain
Free to interpretation (see twitter SJW's getting people banned due to "muh feelings" as just one example). Also free to be used as it is not trademarked or copyrighted.

>>50998342
Truth. Depending on board and quality of the bait, it can be surprisingly easy. That said, stupidly toxic trips can also ruin shit easily as a thread gets derailed by calling the trip a stupid faggot. I'm seeing this on /k/ right now with a really annoying trip that seems to have no desire other than to derail threads. I wish faggots wouldn't respond to them.

>>50998380
The lulz anon. While we tend to ignore that archaic phrase in these times, everything done here is for the lulz. Whether we know it or not.

>>50998613
I was under the impression the lulz was /b/'s thing not all of 4chan.

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>>50998892
What is /b/ but a haven of trolls? What is a troll but a hunter for lulz, usually at the expense of another? Trolls can can be found wherever you go, bruh.

>>50998892
My dear anon, think of it as currency. lulz are like a penny now. So while they aren't the big center piece of currency that everyone uses all of the time, they are still an important part of our current economic system. Or in our case, an important part of our motivations for action. Most simply do not realize this or ascribe it to gaining "keks", "milking lolcows", or some other more modern term. All of which come from the initial principal of simply enjoying life and, more importantly, the internet by working for the lulz.

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>>50999006
>like a penny now
Literally cost more to make than they're worth? So valueless that most people wouldn't bother to try? Widely considered a waste by most people and with a few attempts at stopping their production?

Alright people, I shall tell you a story of hags.

So basically, our DM has gotten his hands on Curse of Strahd for 5E and he was eager for us to play it. Being that we'd just done Shadows of the Demon Lord we were eager for more of the same kind of tone. Our party consists of:
>The Paladin of the Morninglord, played by our usual plans guy. Paladin is pretty tanky, tends to use his smites effectively.
>Assassin, played by my uncle. Noted to be sexually promiscuous but it's only come up once or twice when it's a joke.
>Elven Wizard, joined a bit later because the player was sick. A Diviner who really, really liked his two dice rolls. Also did a bunch of illusions because at 5th level there ain't that much divination stuff
>And me, a Human Bard with obscenely good stats who got magic initiate.

So our story basically starts with us deciding to investigate some mill that we passed on our way to the big town, can't remember what it's called. Things go reasonably well, don't really have any encounters that are memorable. So after we do a bit of investigating and find a necklace of teeth we decide to investigate the mill. Being one of the two most agile characters in the group, I decide to climb up there to have a look.

I see hags, doing something or other. They see me, I get knocked down and we go to combat. To cut a long story short, the coven of hags thrashed our 4th level asses. The wizard finds some children in cages, because of course there are. He frees them both, but the girl gets caught again due to a poor luck roll. We lick our wounds and then we talk to the kid.

He says that the hags turn children into these dream pastry things. The assassin, who bought one of these and then tripped balls, is a little sick at that. We devise a plan to try and rescue the children.

And by devise a plan, I come up with a surprisingly stupid plan that somehow worked.

>>50986725
>Hell, we actually DO see it happen occasionally
"You are racist, white man. Be silent and do not question nonwhite immigration."
"You are sexist, white man. Be silent and do not breed with white women."
"You are imperialist, white man. Be silent and do not fight the theft of your lands."
"You are evil, white man. Your works have destroyed the world, and now you must be destroyed."
Yeah, "occasionally."

>>50999110
>Cost more than they're worth
Most internet jokes are. Think about how much you spend on having internet access, between electricity costs and whatever you're paying to your ISP.

>So valueless that most people wouldn't bother to try?
My dear anon. Most people DON'T try to farm lulz intentionally. It's only a few deplorable dissidents like ourselves who do that. That said, we often talk about "keks" or "lolcows" instead. While lulz can be seen as the lowest form of amusement (similar to pennies being the lowest denomination), they are the basis for the stuff we routinely laugh at and say things such as "top kek" to.

>Considered a waste and people trying to stop their production
Literally exactly why people almost never say they do anything for the "lulz". Instead it's for the "keks" or occasionally for "internetz" (or some variation of).

>>50999200
Continued.

So my plan is as simple as it is stupid.

I disguise myself as a humble pedlar, use the fancy pearl that the wizard has for his identify thing to get into their good graces, then exploit a hag's natural jealousy and vanity to get through the time. Meanwhile, the rest of the party will be there, to free the child and to help me beat on the hags if shit goes south.

Already I know this is a poor plan, but fuck it, the goal is to rescue the child, not to kill all the hags. I get me some clothes, pay for them out of my own pocket, then manage to guilt the wizard into the pearl.

Once there, I apply my makeup. The first time is a critical failure, and I look more like a mime than anything. I go too far in replicating the Barovian look. The next time is far better, and I look suitably miserable and pale.

About halfway up to the door, I realise that my plan would work better if I actually had other wares to sell. Fuck it, gotta roll with it.

So an old lady opens the door, and I spin a story of bullshit. I am roleplaying by the seat of my pants. I'm pretty sure I was going out of my mind with worry that she'd just give up the game. She offers me a dream pastry, which I know not only sends you to la-la land, but also drugs you up so she could probably have her way with me before death. So I continue spinning bullshit, and eventually start playing music. I do so well, and am so flattering and charming that the daughters come down.

Meanwhile, the assassin is invisible, and sneaking up to the top floor where the child cages are. None of the hags are hearing a thing since they've been baited downstairs by my bullshit. She makes a luck roll, and rolls a 1.

The girl was baked into dream pastries before we even got there.

>>50999383
I have no way to know this in character, so I have to pull out all the stops on bullshittery. I can tell that the hags' patience is wearing a bit thin, so I create uproar by thrusting the pearl at one of the two younger ones in such a way as to create the most chaos.

Things go a bit more downhill from there. The Bard makes his saves like a god, taunting the enraged hagmother. He also delivers a thunder wave on a pipe, a thunderous toot that knocked the hags back a bit. There's a terrible moment in the door where I accidentally get in the way of the paladin and we both get fried by chain lightning. We run away, to try and live another day.

The rogue reveals that the child is dead to the party, and we decide that we cannot have that shit. Thanks to her previous experience and my knowledge that they baked a fresh batch, we determine that the hag mother is going to go to the town Barovia to sell these pastries. We make double time there, stopping only once to rest up and get some of our wounds back.

Like honourable heroes, we wait in ambush and then we take her out on her lonesome. There's a tense moment where it looks like she got away, but the wizard manages to slay her. We got to level 5, and get some better spell slots.

Next session, we decide to forgo a rest and take out the hags once and for all. So we make double time there, only interrupted by zombies and a druid and his asshole twig blights. We sneak in, as quietly as we can with a Paladin in chain mail, his desterity boosted by that one spell that gives a bunch of different boosts.

The battle with the hags is long and brutal. I cast Hold Person in a critical moment, allowing the Rogue the perfect Sneak attack. The Paladin crits with his Smite, removing a chunk of the hag's health. But eventually, all but me are felled. I manage to unleash a lucky Firebolt that saves the party. We had destroyed the hag menace in a small part of Barovia. And it was good.

>>51003043
Don't post it anywhere, you shit. The board is better without posts like this.

>>51003080
Oh, Ok, my bad.

>>50941279
Isn't this just everything by James Raggi?

>>50941279
>KingdomDeath.jpg

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>>50940884

>college roommate is DMing for a group of players
>one of the players can't be there for the second session
>am helpful roommate of DM and fill in for him
>character is described as a "sexy redheaded druid cleric who uses the power of seduction"
>at first i just sort of play as blandly as possible bc i'm not a great cleric
>on quest to steal a dire owl feather or something
>get stuck with party rogue trying to avoid dire angry momma owl
>thankfully she's busy pecking at the rest of the party
>end up accidentally hiding from the dire owl in the dire owl nest
>dire owl eggs hatch
>baby dire owls imprint on us and think we're their mom
>narrowly escape momma dire owl with two baby owls
>rest of party asks us what the owls names are
>rogue and i look at each other and giggle
>he names his Adowlf Hootler
>i name mine Benitowl Whossolini

>later on that session the party pisses off an angry barbarian slaver
>fighter unconscious on ground
>rest of party busy getting rogue out of trouble for shoplifting
>am druid cleric, barbarian is going to murder me
>decide that it's in character to try and seduce the barbarian
>roll for seduction (or whatever)
>18
"You seduce the barbarian, but in the heat of the moment he doesn't use protection"
>roll to avoid pregnancy
>nat 1
>oops

And that's the story of how I got a guy's character pregnant and got him a baby dire owl named Benitowl Whossolini, and only one of those two things was really out of character.

>>51009514
Which was OOC?

>>51010647
The baby dire owl, duh.

>>51010690
Worth asking. Some strange people out there.

>>51010729
>qt red head barbarian running around in nothing but a kilt and war paint
Welp, time to move to Italy. Wish me luck.

File: 1448366449850.jpg (107KB, 1151x715px) Image search: [Google]

107KB, 1151x715px

>>50954844
PRAISE THE VOID DRA.... uh, I mean Omnissiah!

>>50981026
There was? What was the -real- story?

>>51015635
Basically as told in the cap IIRC. Bit more about how the fag was faggy.

>>51009514
>"You seduce the barbarian, but in the heat of the moment he doesn't use protection"
What does medieval protection look like?

>>50959767
I don't mean to kill anyone's fun, but that's not how the spell 'command' works. If it did it would be horrifically overpowered, comparable to a dominate person spell, and level 1 at that.
Good story, tho.

>>51016216
Prayer.

>>51016222
Well them the cleric should have been protected up the wazoo!