40kchan

>>50909000
You know what to do Guardsman. You're Lasgun doesnt fire itself now does it?

>>50909033
Knew I should have posted why that's not an option, but I'm tired after a long day of PT and combat drills.

Y'see, this planet's delicate. Brass doesn't want to spark a war over this worthless backwater, but they don't want to cede it to the frakking bluies. Bluies feel the same way. It's juuust delicate enough that me shooting her would probably set it off, and I'd probably be executed for being the moron who started a war., and even if I didn't... there'd still be a pointless war here. That I'd be in the thick of.

That's some heretical thoughts son. Better go talk it out with your commissar.

>>50909053
War's gonna happe either way.

Nick a buddys lasgun and pop her while nobodies looking.
Just put it back when you're done.

>>50909054
I'm not being heretical, trying to figure out a way to deal with this without going xenolover or starting a war.

>>50909095
I'm not going to be the moron who starts a war over a shitty backwater. Hopefully all the other boys think the same thing, it's the general mood in the regiment.

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++++Wait, how did all you guardsmen get on this cogitator network?++++

>>50909184
Jury-rigging: The Emperor's own gift to guardsmen.

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>5 mins of silence
>oh? is it my turn? LOL!!!

>>50909000
Fuck off weeb.
Nice trips btw.

>>50909184
Don't know about some of the others but knocking a cyborg dude out with a lasgun butt and shoving a mouse and keyboard up his robot ass works for the guys at my regiment

>>50909000
Did you manage to figure out what caste she belonged too?
If she's fire then it's good to go, same with water, earth can be a bit tricky due to their stubbornness, and air would be impossible due to them being confined in space.

>>50909242
All the blueskins look the same to me, and she hasn't said a word to me. It's creeping me out.

>>50909207
Dude, not wanting to shoot a bluie so you don't spark a war is weebshit?

>>50909000

Cross-breeding with xenos is highly heretical, OP.

So hitt'er in the shitter, bro!

>>50909267
Just give it the middle finger or something. It should theoretically know what that means, even if it doesn't understand gothic.

Also, there's a very high risk it could be a spy. Report to your superiors about your suspicion.

>>50909267
>999.99.M41
>not wanting constant war

dfte anon

>>50909287
You know, BLAMing isn't just a meme... No fun allowed commissar is watching.

>>50909300
I'll try that next time, I'll post results.

Commissar knows, higher ups likely know.

Alright guys, it's lights out. I'll post results next time I can.

I swear, I'm this close to clubbing her to the ground with my lasgun...

>>50909332
frak you

>>50909344

So offer to A-frame with him?

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>>50909000
At least some blueberry xenos girl with the hots for you is the worst you have. Get a load of this.

I am stuck out here on a shitty frontier world just barely recently brought into the light of the Emperor with the rest of my regiment. This planet's only strategic value being, "It's property of Humanity and the Imperium". Or that's at least what would be best case scenario if not for a minor issue with this world, more on this in a bit. We're lucky enough to maybe see a supply ship once every 45 Terran years, and the only thing this desert hell planet has going for it is that at least there's water...somewhere. Usually in deep aquifers, although there's a hive or two near some of the few bodies of water that dot this place. Beyond the dry heat and smelling like grox shit after drills, it wouldn't be so bad a place for a single guard regiment.

I wish that's all I had to complain about. The minor issue I was talking about? It's not something that would be easy to shoot at, like tyranids, cultists of any variety, no, apparently that'd be too easy in this damned galaxy. We got orks, but not just any run of the mill greenskins. No, apparently the xeno's have been noted by the citizens of this planet to be of the clan known as Blood Axes. I can't tell the difference, usually you see an ork you shoot it or pray that your buddy on the left or right shoots it before it charges you. But not these guys. Apparently they get hired by citizens on this planet for all sorts of things, anything from spying on other Ork clans (or so the greenskins claim) to actually pulling hits on nobles or small towns for revenge on old feuds. Emperor on Tera these inbreds don't know what they are dealing with. It just gets worse from here.

>>50909000
Frag the Commissar in a training accident and fuck her and/or kill her, you pick

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Cultural Exchange time?

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Hey guys, one of the other guardsmen said that if I wore this necklace and burned eight candles tonight, I won't die in combat tomorrow. Is he on to something? It seems like a load of bullshit but when I hold the necklace in my hand, it feels good, ya know? Like I can take on the world.

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>>50909363

So the first thing to realize is that Orks, despite usually being about as smart as a couple of thunderhammer's taped together, use money of some kind. They just don't use the Imperial currency, they use their teeth. The newly minted Imperial citizens don't have access and don't want to get access to these things because they'd rather not deal with Ork attacks every day, so the boss of this group of greenskins just politely (for an Ork) asks for simple things instead, food, water, scrap metal, (This one's a riot) FETHING GUNS, and oddly enough clothing from their military groups. In fact, most of the population was more than happy to trade our regiment's Quartermaster knickknacks, supplies, and books for old uniforms, unused medals, hats, which we didn't catch onto until later. And no, I swear on the Golden Throne that we never traded guns and ammo, and we sure as hell got the civilians to stop as soon as we could. Or at least most of them.

So again, no big deal right? Just shoot them. I know you're all saying it, see problem, apply lasgun, if ineffective add more lasgun, rinse and repeat. I wish that were the case. See, we are only a small regiment right now, and the citizens here are about as supportive of open warfare on ANY Orks as Tera would be to chaos taint, for fear of the massive backlash. I mean sure, that's understandable. Death by Ork isn't usually how most want to go. So we have had to maintain a charade of peace whenever some idiot noble decides to hire these things. And that's a show in itself. Most of these guys wear what looks like camouflage, but it's just..wrong. Mismatched color, Colors that look like something chaos spat out after a bad night on the town. Patterns that could give people seizures if the Ork wearing it moved too quickly, things that don't even match THE ENVIRONMENT THEY ARE IN. I saw one Ork sporting colors more suited to Arctic warfare than to the desert.

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How was your Candlemass Anonsmen?

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>>50909428
So what do we do? What can we do? Dying for the Emperor is great, but success in the name of the Emperor is greater. The brass decides that until the next supply ship and the large number of reinforcements just so happens to be capable of orbital bombardment AND houses enough guardsman to give Cadia a run for it's money show up, we have to play along. The brass wants proper accurate numbers and to make sure that whenever the Orks are "attacking or scouting the other clans" they are actually doing it. So a few of us have had the luck (we drew lots here) to actually play "advisers" to the things the things.The shift of the planet influence to the Imperium has some of the Orks on edge, but the combination of new military uniforms, medals, and ribbons plus disguising ourselves helps keep them in check.

To top it off, the Orks have "volunteered" (still expecting payment mind you) to help us smash a few smaller backwater Ork villages. One's they claim, "Iz too small to offa a propa fight, but it'd make it easia on you 'umies" in their vile tongue. I'm pretty sure they are actually screwing with us here at some points with this working better for them, but the brass tells you what to do, you do it. Operating with them is a bit surprising. You'd figure an Ork would be easier to spot and hear when they bounding around, but they are apparently pretty quiet. The camo working for them is starting to bother me.

I gotta run though, Commissar is coming back, I'll catch you guys soon.

>>50909501
Fraggin' Blood Axes. Spent my whole service fighting Orks and orkoids and I swear those are the craziest of the bunch. Warp, they idolized us. Still fought us like devils, but they respected us. You know, they were orkishly honourable, not just randomly killing. Had one throw down his weapons and surrendering to my unit, once.
Their whole species has something wrong in the head if you ask me.

>>50909445
Alone in a candle-lit post guarding an empty road for ten hours because my firewatch officer couldn't be arsed to send somebody to relieve me. At least I got the time for the first combat jack since we entered this snowy shithole a couple months ago.

42nd Volskan, we're on Gradia (nothernmost Segmentum Tempestus). What about you guys?

>>50909693
>Gradia
My nigga were not the far apart, I'm 3 subsectors away from ya'll. You heard about they boys who put down a nurgle cult, it was my bois and me.
9th Vostrkian

>>50909408
++++Kill him before he gets you BLAMmed, then tell the commissar that he was a bloody heretic.++++

>>50909693
++++I'm on Cadia, serving as an enginseer. I'm currently attached to the 8th Cadian. It's bloody horrible here, but we had a pleasant evening. We've prayed the Emperor/Omnissiah, shared stories, and gave each other gifts.++++

++++Also, the higher-ups probably felt a bit nicer, since they gave us better weapons. I've been given a plasma pistol! A beautiful piece of work, it is. Incredibly effective. It's behaving strangely, however. Sometimes, when firing, the bolt is a beautiful golden colour. When it happens, the target is always vapourised. I've talked with the Machine Spirit, it does not know why on Terra it should happen. I've also inspected the components, they're completely regular.++++

>>50909408
shoot the buddy that gave you it
you don't need to know, just shoot him

>>50909408
Please report to your local commissar. Thank you for bringing this artefact to the attention of the Ordo Moderati.

>>50909764
Good work lads, though I can't say I heard about it. Not much news around here I'm afraid. You the guys with the furry hats and sweet-ass lasguns, right?

>>50909795
to think that we're lucky if we get the good MREs for Candlemass

>>50909408
frag is that supposed to be? All stupid superstition.

Our techpriest is a bit of a jerk and he hexed the machine so I can't change boards now.
Can someone give me a list of the board on the site?

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Greetings, fellow guardsmen.

I have been ordered by my Captain Nr. 6373748484839384 to ask for the current date and to send the following message in his name: We have been ordered back to the base on command of the Adeptus Munitorum to celebrate this years Emperors Day. My General would like to know if we can still make it in time. We are currently beset by some vile heretical machinery, emitting a green glow, some of these soulless automatons even dare to misuse the holy human form to drap themselves into, like clothes (although I'm wondering if such a primitive xeno race even knows of proper dressing codes and the necessary odes to His holy washing machines).
Can we still make it?

>>50909956
You might make it if you do your first rank fire and second rank fire regularly.

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>>50909000
How could you tell she was a female? those xenos are all ugly in the same way

Anyway call the arbitres and tell them she violated your safe spaces.

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>>50909693
Boss Gorka of da ultrasmurfs, 5th waagh ere. Them blood axes be sum right gits, always actin' like zoggin' grotz not knowin' which way to point them shootas and constantly chewin' on em own choppas. You best be keepin' a close eye on em and keepin' faith in the Emprah when you crumpin' them gitz.

Hello fellow guardsmen, been spending the last three months fighting cultists. We're not doing super well, we've lost bout 90% of our forces. yesterday was going pretty rough they called in for navel support and shot some guys, moral improved.

The forward squad said the navel reinforcements arrived a few hours ago. Not sure what legion they are from last I heard they were red with horns. Didn't hear much from forward company after that. Can't wait to meet my first spaces marines.

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>>50910180
As you command, my Lord! We will try not to disappoint you.

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>>50910209
DO THEY HAPPEN TO BE NAMED "WORD BEARERS"?

>>50909300

I'd... advise against that. Amongst us Tau, putting your middle finger up like that is a crude statement expressing your desire to fuck. Given our eugenics programs it also carries connotations of forbidden love.

Part of the Cadian 512th here. My squad has been loaned out to some no-name space station out near Ultramar. Place is apparently just a place to develop new weapons and raise bodies for the frontlines. Reminds me a lot of home really.

Sounds like a great place right? It would be if it wasn’t for some of the locals. Now don’t get me wrong, these are some nice guardsmen, but they’re the ugliest sons of bitches I’ve ever met. Almost all of them have this weird skin condition that leaves them bald and dry skinned.

This a common problem on stations in this sub-sector or should I start thinking of these guys as abhumans?

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>>50909000
Well, little servant of the Emperor, you might be thinking to keep your distance from the xeno girl so as to not alarm your commissar. Don't. Tau excel at ranged combat, and while I do not mean to demean the Astra Militarum, your lasgun really doesn't compare to anything she could potentially be fielding. Seeing as you can't purge her either, my suggestion would be to keep really close to her for as much time as possible.

You see, most tau lack the conviction to be able to sacrifice their fellow soldiers. This means as long as you keep in close quarters with her they will probably not shoot (though just in case you should always stay with your back against the wall). Also, tau completely SUCK at melee combat, so just by proximity she'll be too afraid to try to initiate hostilities.

You could, as well, try to communicate with her. Because of the aforementioned lack of capability at glorious melee combat, she'll be intimidated enough to answer most of your questions (at least the ones you manage to communicate in Gothic to vile xenos scum). Try to figure out her planet of procedence, her exact role in the forces deployed in the planet and exactly how old she is by the standards of her race (it is a good way to know whether you're facing a company of veterans). You can then relay this information to your commissar. That way, he will know you act with the Imperium's best interests at heart and you will help our cause on that planet without prematurely starting the war!

PS: What is this crush you speak of? A new tau weapon?

>>50910119
Not that guardsmen, but it's actually quite simple. Look at their foreheads:
If they have a "I", they are male.
If they have a "Y", they are female.
Hope that helped killing xenos a bit easier.

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>>50909000
BACK IN MY DAY WE PURGED THE XENO SCUM INSTEAD OF LETTING THEM COME CLOSE. WOTH THE EXCEPTION OF BRINGING THEM IN RANGE OF OUR SWORDS.
I HOPE THIS HELPS YOU, TINY HUMAN. NOW GO AND PURGE WITH RIGHTEOUS HATRED.

>>50909332
>Wanting to waste superior human lives
>Wanting constant war

You sound like an Ork. That's heresy.

>>50911110
Or he is a Istvaanian, AKA the only people who thinks that the problems of the Imperium can be resumed with NOT enough wars. Crazy heretics the lot of them.

>>50910996
Venerable Astartes, in this context a "crush" is much like the emotion The Sisters of Battle hold for our dear and beloved Emperor and in some occasions his Sons, such as yourself.

[Spoiler] The thought of a Space Marine lurking on a guardsman forum pleases me greatly [/spoiler]

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>>50911324
I do not understand. Does that mean this xenos girl somehow sees a guardsman in a remote outpost as the savior of the human race and a beacon of hope for our Imperium? Or for her own race? Why would a xenos be inspired to such devotion for a member of a different species? Maybe we could exploit this "Crush" the tau appear to develop for humanity as a battlefield advantage once we must face them on the field of battle.

Nevertheless, I do like this "Crush" concept. I shall communicate such to the Chaplain.

>>Thought for the day: To crush on the Emperor is to be righteous.<<

>>50911463
>>Thought for the day: To crush on the Emperor is to be righteous.<<

Venerable Astartes, I shall hold this thought close and share it with all in my regiment

Hey we are going to Spinward Front, any sightseeing tips?

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>i thought i executed enough guardsmen to not have to worry about this shit with these bluies.
>i was fucking wrong.

>>50911685
stay away from the under hives and you will be fine.

Is it too late to become a cogboy?
I just started my first year as a guardsmen in an artillery regiment (125th of Honoria). We've been stationed on a ocean planet for now and other peace and quiet after the orks left; enjoying the beach has gotten a bit dull.
I do some repairs and maintenance on small arms and big guns every now and then so I think I'd be a good choice.
Tldr bored Guardsman wants to be a enginseer

>>50911776

All this shit was probably from a Cadian

If it were a Catachan I assure you mister commissar the xeno would have shot and or stabbed on sight.

>>50911835
Shameless self bump
I would ask our tech priest but he hides in his workshop and refuses to talk to anyone other than command in a non binary language
The other died when the basilisk misfired >>50911854

>>50911854

You catafags are just as worse I knew cool Catachan but he had this weird thing man. Every xeno he killed he pulled out that knife all Catachans had cut off their feet.

He had an entire collection of those tau hooves but his favorite were the eldar banshees.

He told me it was payback for killing guardsmen but I don't know...

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>be me
>lamenter
>just want to fight for the service of our Emperor and the citizenry of our glorious Imperium
>get fucked by mortifuckheads
>get fucked by warp
>get fucked by shitotaurs
>get fucked by chaos
>getting fucked by crusade
>can't even return to cadia to defend its people against failbaddon
and you guardsmen complain you have it bad

>>50912104
Have you tried being competent? Because last I saw every space marine chapter ever fights against all those and more without losing and whining even half as much.

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>>50912104

Who let /l9k/ out of their containment board.

Oi mates, my squad gawt slaughta'd on iss here backwata planet, so I've temprarily reabsorbed into some squad a Cadians 'at came ta help us.

See, ders a problem tho. Oim a vox operata. On account a me low hoive accent, whenever oi do moi job nice and roight, them blokes think oim an Ork! The resident vox operata just kinda tells me to sit in e' corna n' shut up, and it reallay feels bad, man.

Wot do?

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>41st millennium
>worshiping a corpse
lmao you imperialfags need to read the book of Lorgar

>>50912956
WAAAAGH

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>>50909829
Hell yeah

>>50913031
Fuck off Lorgar I'm not buying your shitty book.

>>50909408
One day, on a patrol, the platoon I was in stumbled on a symbol witch ressembled this one. After our report, the commissar keep us to "debriefing" a whole week 'till the Inquisition came interrogating our seargent. We got reassigned to the other side of the planet, but when we were lived, we saw Inquisitoral Troop being dropped. I don't know what was that symbol, I don't want to, but believe me, I'm sure it is highly heretical. So believe me, this thing is not good. Make the guardsman who gave you this necklace disappear and bury said necklace, or go report him to the commissar and cross your finger.

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Just spend some time to talk with her Anon~

You know she wants to spend time with you, it's easy blue pussy~

Besides you can turn the situation on the planet around, you'd be a hero.

Isn't that great? Single-handedly ending a war on a planet, getting Xeno ass, and being known as a hero of The Imperium? You know you want it, just give in~

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>>50914374
My PA always told me to be wary of those who wear bright colors and show too much skin.

Alright, I'm back.

>>50909351
What's that? Never heard of... No, I choose to live.

>>50909363
>>50909428
>>50909501
Rough.

>>50909445
Far away from home, on a world I don't care about. Should have just stayed home and married Abigail...

>>50910119 , >>50911080 is right. Basic orientation before we got onto this world.

>>50910180
Something's off about you, but I can't put my finger on it...

>>50910334
Fuck. Too late. Verbal abuse didn't put her off, but I could swear it just made her wet. Ugh.

>>50910996
Now you're the real deal... But somehow I doubt you understand.

>>50911084
Astartes? On MY board? It's more likely then you'd think.

>>50911776
Hey, go easy. I'm trying to AVOID this shit.

>>50913031
shills pls go

>>50914374
Um. Heard a rumor that a Hero of the Imperium's already coming...?

>>50914637
'Ez roight ya git. Dont let da Böueberris get ta close too ya. Green iz da bezzt!

The sacred litany of Bumping must be intoned. From the flames, deliver this thread...

>>50909000
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ya hav'a blueskin that's look'n to frak ya!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, Emp'rah. Sorry, that made my day. Postin from a "borrow'd" terminal insid'a blueskin outpost.

...whoops, may've giv'n away my position.

...'kay, back. Had ta convince Gabe not ta be a little BITCH an' carry tha body.

Anaway, tha best thing ta do is ta figya out if tha blueskin is trickin ya. Tha're tricksa, tricksa little things.

>>50915340
... Thanks.

Fraggin' Throne, my TL was caught with contraband. Team assigned to guard duty as he gets tried and flogged. The bastard deserves it if you ask me, mainly because he's getting all of us to pay for his groxshit.
That makes it twice in a week that I have to sit in a stupid bare room listening for a buzzer that never comes to push a button to open a door that nobody even knows is there.
I'm still the fraghead from Gradia, AMA.

Sup /xno/, cogboy here, asking here because my support ticket priority is in the shitter.
Almost sure the maintenance servitors get their issues resolved faster than I do.

I'm on this little admech research moon base in Tempestus -nice place, snowy with some inoffensive local wildlife- and mostly just have to do logistics and maintain the base, the local Magos and his apprentices/bootlickers do the interesting stuff. Thus I piss around in /xno/.
Thing is... The research here is on xenotech. Yes, I know that the machinations of the xeno are perfections of the machine spirit before anyone tries to lecture me. I have the damned red-and-white robe, I know this stuff already. But for those not in the know, yes we still look into xenotech for any possible inspiration. It's usually a crapshoot but as a little callback to OP, there's some new plasma gun patterns in the testing phase from looking at blueberry weaponry. So it occasionally comes up with results.
And in the research laboratory.. well, I've sent a LOT of crates of black and green metallic parts marked as xenotech downstairs. I'm.. guessing it's from Necrons? Are there any signs I should look out for corruption? Or just general danger/spontaneous reactivation? This is sort of out of my area of expertise, I trained as cybernetica!

an Eldar has taken up residence in my favorite hab plant, what should I do /xno/?

>>50915599
By the holy dubs, you must purge it with fire.

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Tyranid Hive Mind here. Just wanted to tell all you humans that we're gonna take a break from infecting you with Genestealers this year. We have too many cults, and now entire neural nodes are filled with Four-Armed Emperor shitposters.

We think we're gonna try the Tau next. See if we can get a Great Food thing going. Plus, we hear the Kroot know some great recipes for eating other races.

>>50915487
Pray, I guess?

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>>50909000
We still exist assholes.

>>50915487
Stick your dick in it.

>>50915599
If it's Dark Eldar, LEAVE. Your hab is about to get fucked in a way that'll start off fun but quickly turn into body horror and drive you insane.

If it's Craftworld Eldar, LEAVE. Chances are your entire planet is about to get fucked, in a "used to distract Ork/Tyranid/Chaos/Etc from the craftworld" sort of way.

>>50915769
I know. You're bros, had a few drinks with some on my way here.

>>50909000
sounds like it coule be a slaaneshi daemonette in disguise trying to coax you into heresy. just to be safe you should report this to your nearest inquisitor.

Hey guys,

I've been fighting in the trenches against some rebellious guardsmen, real nasty types. Due to the aforementioned trench warfare I've never actually seen one of them up close, but they absolutely reek and I think I saw one of them with a banner with three green circles on it.

Anyway, I think I've got a case of gangrene, but it doesn't hurt at all - actually feels somewhat pleasant bizarrely. Should I not bother telling the company medic? I wouldn't want to waste his time.

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>>50913031

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>>50915950
Guardsman, please report to the nearest Ecclesiarchial or Inquisitorial Representative as soon as possible.

Do not report to your superiors.

Do not report to your Medicae.

Do not touch ANYONE.

>>50915950
Doesn't sound too serious, chill out and wait for it to go away. Medic's probably got his hands full, anyway.

>>50916047
Yeah, I think >>50916034 is overreacting.

Also, anyone got any acne cures? I haven't had spots like this since I was a teenager... Probably just battlefield stress.

SOME OF YOU ARE OK...

DON'T GO TO CADIA TOMORROW.

>>50916135
>implying we have a choice

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>>50916135
ayo abby why the fuck aint you buy my book yet man. it would sure help you out with dem black ass crusades you be goin on

So I'm from this little farming planet in the middle of no where right? We have nothing going for us, low pop, average as soil and a few tribes of ogryns. So of course our tithe is just food and some ogryns. My job is to look after the ogryns and just make contact between them and everyone else easy.
Trouble is one of the retired PDF blokes kept his old as lasgun, one that could shoot maybe 5 times before it ran out of charge. So the crazy bastard pulled it apart to see if he could make it 'better' just for shits and giggles, and some how figured out how to make a backpack and hose monstrosity that feeds the gun nearly unlimited shots. (Hasn't ran out yet and we can't count that high) To make things worse he taped a bunch of these guns together (like ten of them) and gave them to the ogryns for 'testing'. I found out about it pretty quick and contacted the proper authorities. A few months after some man made out of more steal than flesh turned up and demanded the guns so he could destroy them, as is proper. Trouble is he went to the ogryns before talking to me, don't know what he said exactly but he upset the ogryns something fierce and ended up as a puddle of scrap. So now we have a bunch of ogryns running around shooting shit and the metal man's friends are deploying tanks. What do I do?

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O.M.G. We actually got an =][=nternet connection in the monastery for once! Has anybody seen my Hand Flamer? I like, totally know I left it in the armoury but it isn't even there.

>>50916342
Duck and cover. Try and stay out of the war's way. It's not going to be pretty... Such a pointless war.

>>50916354
Sounds like it got gifted to the Blood Ravens.

Candlemass was just a few Terran days ago, after all.

>see a xenos
>didn't immediately shoot it
new orders to report to the nearest commissar for execution effective immediately

>>50916354
fucking stacies get >>>/out/
this is a comm network for battle brothers only

>>50909000
I'm posting through our ship's inquistorial VPN so I'll be honest:

Fucking xenos is great. It's all about your interpretation of the Emperor's directives.

This xenos scum is looking at you, and willingly deciding to forsake breeding with their own race, to willingly submit to your human supremacy. Obviously the situation on your planet is delicate enough to warrant restraint and not flat-out Exterminatus, so take this as an opportunity.

Show her how a Guardsman fucks. Make her fall for you, and let her spill her secrets to win your favor. It's okay to enjoy the carnal pleasures, because that isn't you enjoying her supple blue cunt, it's your love and devotion to the Emperor swelling up and bursting forth from your body.

So, gather enough information from your pillow-talk and channel it up. Don't let your braindead Commissar know; he's liable to execute you for heresy and then report the information as his own findings.

Remember, we're watching. And on the lookout for talent to recruit. How do you think I got to be an Acolyte? I loved my unit, but working for the Inquisition is SO CASH.

>>50915487
put it in the holy microwave

>>50916477
>sounds like heresy but I don't know enough about xeons to dispute it

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>>50916321
Time to get off your ass and off those gibemedats.

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>>50916569
Heresy is in the eye of the beholder.

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>>50916354
Tits or gtfo

>>50916477
My mind's telling me no, but my FAITH, my FAITH is telling me yes...

>>50915599
Step 1) Apply no less than 4 demolition charges to every critical support structure in the hab plant (with at least 1 spare detonator)

Step 2) Line all windows/doors/vents with razorwire and proximity mines.

Step 3) Retreat to minimum safe distance.

Step 4) Praise the Emperor and detonate all charges.

>>50909408
>Is he on to something?
Yeah, but you need to make the candles yourself. From fingers. You've been collecting those, right?

>>50916477
Um. This sounds like a bad idea, I don't even know her frakking name.

Anyway, I got guard duty. Time to stand around and look intimidating in my shades.

Hey Fire-Caste migrant from /vxp/ (yes, yes, I know, go back to your containment board blueberry). I'm not here to start shit posting, I just have a few questions about the Great Imperium of Mankind and I figured that this was the most knowledgeable board on everybody.

1. Why do you and the Eldar have such a bitter Hatred? I mean, you both have a history of working together, and you even look practically identical. I figured you were both closely related subspecies or something.

2. Are shows like "Ciaphas Cain: Hero of the Imperium", "Tales of the Ultramarines", and "AGP: Dark Heresy" good representations of the Imperium's Forces? Because some of the things that happen in those shows are insanely Awesome!

3. What even is a blueberry? Seriously, I've heard Guela's call us that constantly but I have no idea what it is. All I know is that it's some kind of vegetation from the Guela Homeworld.

Also
>>50914786
>Fuck. Too late. Verbal abuse didn't put her off, but I could swear it just made her wet. Ugh

Yeah that was a mistake. I know you wouldn't exactly know about this, but because the Greater Good mandates that a strict schedule be kept on when and where births and fertilization take place, the process for meet-ups for sexual/romantic congress has become more complicated and indirect than an Eldar riddle.

What you should have done was continue to ignore her. What happens is that If A Tau acknowledges these sort of advances, usually with a small signal like a glance or something, it means that they reciprocate these feelings. What you did with actual taking time out of your day to verbally acknowledge her would be the equivalent of a hearfelt love letter to you guelas, especially if she can't speak Gothic and doesn't understand what you said.

>>50916603
As if this connection isn't being watched by the Canoness.

Don't be stupid.

>>50915487
>necrons
++++FRAK NO. That bloody thing might activate and kill all of you. The worst part is, some people high up may think that Necron tech is SACRED. Like actual HUMAN tech. If the ones overseeing the project are like that, you MIGHT save everyone in here by calling some Magos. You'll even get a promotion!+++
>>50915950
++++(FRAK NO)2. >>50916034 is right. Do as he says.++++

>>50916745
Salusian 1st here.When you get back, tell us more about her. Was she in combat gear? What did she look like? Like >>50915340 said (I think), she may be trying to convert you to her moronic ideology.

Look out xenos, run and hide, the Gremlyns go in FROM BEHIND!

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>>50916603
>tfw you've read Inquisitor Amberly's edits of the Cain Archive
I say he's an assman.

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>>50916857
>Implying she doesn't like this.

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ALL PRAISE BE TO THE GREAT SCHEMER! MAY THE WEAVER OF FATE SHOW MERCY UPON YE ALL! REPENT, EMBRACE THE SACRED TRUTH OF CHAOS AND BECOME ONE WITH HIS HOLY WILL!!!

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>>50916940
I'll be Repentia if she sees the helmet.

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>>50916940
>>50916980
>not Hashut

>>50911835
>after the orks left;
>orks
>left
Orks never leave.
They go feral at best.

>>50916848
1: The eldar have and will betray any non-eldar, any amount of non-eldar, to save even one eldar life. In their opinion, one planet of human lives is not worth one eldar fingernail. This might sound like an exaggeration, but believe me, it is not.
2: Why would I give info like that to someone hellbent on taking away the imperium's planets?
But to answer your question, yes, they are all based on true stories. Sometimes they use the same character for deeds they didn't actually do, but all episodes are based on real battles, wars, and conflicts the imperium has fought.
3: It's a berry that's colored blue. You're overthinking it.

>>50917027
>to save even one eldar life
And proceed to throw away those lives the next second.

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>>50917001
>999 M41
>Still worshiping unironically
>mfw

>>50915487
>Are there any signs I should look out for corruption?
If it turns on, you're dead. Otherwise it's super safe. You can even juggle it without issue!
>>50916876
Necron cultivate extremely happy and cooperative machine spirits.
>some people high up may think that Necron tech is SACRED. Like actual HUMAN tech.
>implying

>>50911835
fucking arty man want to be cog boy??
AH BOO HOO HOO
INFANTRY HERE
I AM POSTING THIS TROUGH THE VOX CASTER OF SOME RANDOM TORSO THAT'S LYING NEXT TO ME
BY THE TIME I'VE FINISHED WRITING THIS ILL HAVE REPELLED 3 FUCKING INFANTRY CHARGES AND ON TOP OF THAT YOU ARTY FUCKTWITS ARE SHELLING OUR OWN POSITION
I'M TERRIBLY SORRY ITS SO BORING FOR YOU

>>50916848
First, let me start by just saying: please do fucking die and spare us the trouble of killing you, you murderous alien jackanape

Now! Business out of the way, to answer your questions

1. The Eldar, aside from being perfidious xenos scum who ultimately have the destruction of mankind at heart - just like you - they're also incredibly manipulative and self absorbed. They will betray any non-eldar the moment it is advantageous, and think entire human population centers a fair trade for Eldar life. To them, we aren't even people. Just particularly verbose vermin.

2. Fuck yes they are. Well, some people might say they're exaggerated SLIGHTLY for propaganda purposes. But some people tend to spend a week in a pain amplifier for spreading dissidence. Having seen Space Marines in action, I can definitively tell you nothing about them is exaggerated. No, not even the part about eating brains.

3. Vaccinium Cyanococcus is an ancient, now extinct perennial flowering plant that was endemic to earth. Cyanococcus produced fruit 5–16 millimeters in diameter with flaring crowns. They were notable for being particularly small for an earth fruit, juicy, and sweet tasting. And of course, highly blue. The hue our eyes perceive your skin and blood color to be are highly similar to the color this ancient fruit had.

I love my job
but a hate the places it takes me to
a lot.
I mean, I know that being a Commissar is all about being heroic, guiding men trough hell and keep them in line while doing so, but emperordamnit, deathworlds, deathworlds and deathworlds, I'm sent only of fraking deathworlds.

I'm kheking annoyed by the fact the here in the Segmentum Pacificus the only pacific thing you can find are dead bodies.

Right now I'm on a jungle deathworld.
The pair of catachans we have in the company are happy as it's always Sanguinala, the rest of the company is depressed as khek.
I even authorised additional requisition of amasec and lho-sticks.
The company commander is an asshole, but he is the only thing keeping the other officers from starting to fight against each other.
I can't fucking intervene because otherwise every other officer will go against me, as I'm seen as a stranger.

Good'ol Ciaphas had a pretty enviable life.
Not like this.
Now I apologise to you guardsmen, but I have to let it out.

I know you are lurking around here Tobias, and even her I tell you, no, you can't "accidentally lose" an entire crate of amasec.
It' style last we have until we receive new supplies.

Hey lads, just got tithed, on a voidship (wow!) to my combat zone. How long's this trip supposed to be? It feels like we've been on this thing forever. And now the cogboys are saying something about some kind of field flickering? On a scale of 1 to Ollanius, how fucked am I?

>>50917314
Heh. That reminds me of the time when Martie used an entire crate of amasec to make improvised explosives. The priest, of all people, was bitching for weeks. The Commissar laughed himself to tears and demanded that Martie get some kind of recognition for "Peerless ingenuity and effective use of resources".

>>50916745
Have fun standing around then, you glorified ID checker.

I'll make sure you get a good look at my Imperial Rosette in a few decades. Assuming your commissar doesn't kill you before then. :^)

>>50917472

DO NOT FEAR, FOR THE TRUTH OF TZEENTCH IS UPON THEE! REPENT, CAST ASIDE THE FALSE EMPEROR! SUBMIT YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL TO THE LORD OF CHANGE, AND FULFILL YOUR TRUE DESTINY, BY SERVING HIM IN HIS PLANS FOR ALL ETERNITY! IT IS THE WILL OF TZEENTCH, THE WILL OF TZEENTCH BE DONE!

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>>50917314
>he's supposed to raise his unit's morale
>when his morale is this low already

>>50909363
Why are you posting a Space Wolf though?

>>50917314

SUBMIT TO TZEENTCH, AND YER WAY SHALL BE MADE CLEAR! YE SHALL NOT DOUBT YER CAUSE, FOR YE SHALL BURN WITH RIGHTEOUS PASSION, AND YER FUTURE SHALL BE MADE AS CLEAR TO YE AS THE DAWN ITSELF!!!

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FUCK ALL OF YOU

>>50917958
Shouldn't you be fucking yourself too?

>>50917958
>Holy Human Skull
>Filthy Chaos Star
SO CONFUSED I CAN'T EVEN

WHATDOIPURGE.jpg

>>50918029
>those fangs
>human skull
Lay off the amasec, guardsman

>>50917472
Pretty fucked guardsman, I suggest finding someone you fancy and plowing their shapely bottom before horrible death comes for you. May as well get it out of your system before oblivion

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Do they dream? We dream of sheep. Fluffy white sheep, floating like clouds in the sky. They bleat and their legs flail, but they find no purchase as the wind blows them around like acorns bobbing in the sea

Master says I should not waste my time dreaming a drink the medicinal draughts he gives me to keep the dreams out, but I feel as if they are my only connection to the world beyond my cell.

Soon though we will reach the place we are going. They will dress me and let me out and I will pull the fire out from behind my eyes and use it to burn the Emperor's enemies. That will be good. I miss his touch. It was excruciating, but enveloping. Like a hug. I wish someone would hug me.

It is lonely here in my cell

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>>50909000
Guardsman, Remember that together you are strong. Only through acting as one, you will destroy the enemy.

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>>50918280
Why get hugged by the two-armed Emperor, when you can get hugged by the superior four-armed Emperor?

>>50918280

TZEENTCH WILL HUG YE, AND HIS BLESSED TOUCH WILL GRANT YE A SUPERIOR FORM, AND THE BEAUTIFULLY POWERFUL FLESHY GIFTS OF CHAOS! ALL YE HAVE TO DO IS SWEAR TO OBEY THE LORD OF CHANGE FOR ALL OF ETERNITY, AND FORSAKE YER SOUL FOR THE SAKE OF BEAUTIFUL ANARCHY!

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>>50918280

Be strong, little sister. Know that we favored few serve the Emperor as few others can.

>>50918519

I pity you, creature. Forever in the thrall of a hive mind that knows nothing but eternal hunger, forever unfulfilled and bringing naught but suffering wherever it goes. Slaying you is the greatest mercy I can offer. Worry not, pitiful xenos. This will hurt for but a moment.

>>50909053
>Not immediately starting war to purge the xeno scum
Purge the xeno scum, report your CO to the commissar, if possible report the planetary governor to any Inquisition you may happen to come across, and execute yourself for your hesitation to do your duty to the Emperor.
May the Emperor protect mankind and purify the universe

CLAIMIN THIS THREAD FOR THE PAUPER PRINCES
GENESTEALERS REPRESENT

>>50916619
Blessed is the mind too small for doubt.

>>50918873
I can't help but feel that line was thought of while in the presence of ogryns.

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+THERE HAVE BEEN REPORTED SIGHTINGS OF ASTARTES IN DARK ARMOR WITHOUT HERALDRY

DO ANY OF YOU MORTALS KNOW OF THIS MATTER?+

>>50918944
Oh honourable Astartes, are those not just deathwatch operatives?

>>50918944
There was a Dearhwatch team with a blackshield in it here a week or two ago.

>>50915662
>>50915847
>>50916567
No.

>>50916876
So, the local Magos might be a closet Xenarite. Fan-frakking-tastic.

>>50917158
Somewhat more encouraging, we haven't had an issue for a long time (though I don't have access for the research sub-levels).

Guess I'll add a litany to my personal transport protocol for now. Maybe one that they use for voidship safe travels. Love those, good rhythms.
Put up a transfer request on the local network anyway, I do not want to be close to this place if it does go up in radioactive smoke and being stuck in maintenance and logistics is not my idea of meaningful work. You could train a couple mechanicus cultists to do my duties!

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>>50918966
+WE EMBARK IMMEDIATELY FOR COMPLETELY UNRELATED REASONS THEN. BEFORE WE LEAVE, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT NEEDS A TWO HUNDRED GIGATON TORPEDO DROPPED ON IT?+

>>50913031
MODERATI!
be of removing this expeditiously

>>50913031
>check my soundcloud senpai

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>>50915769
no you don't

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>incoherent alien garbling

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>>50919025
Cousin, what's the hurry? Are you sure you can't stick around for a drink? Come on, it's been weeks since I've drank a Lion under the table. I might be getting sober!

>>50909000
Lasgun stock to the face. The one and only true tool of peaceful diplomacy when dealing with xenos.

Alright, I'm back.

>>50916848
... I'm fucked, aren't I?

>>50916901
Looked like civvie gear to me. And like I said, all bluies look the same to me.

>>50916940
>>50916980
>>50917112
>>50917610
>>50917949
>>50917958
>>50918657
chaosfags pls go

>>50917605
frak you

>>50918450
Thanks for the thought.

>>50918779
Believe it or not... rumor has it the Inquisition's already here. Saw there was an Inquisifag somewhere in this thread, any way you could find out if there's any around Gravalax?

>>50919255
Next time I'll try that, see if it works.

>>50919542
>... I'm fucked, aren't I?

Play your cards right and you won't be the only one.

After all, you know what they say - once you go blue...

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>>50919632

>>50919023
>You could train a couple mechanicus cultists to do my duties!
Here's a thought: Do that.

Don't tell anybody though, they're all quite busy.
Hole up in a nice alcove and start doing meaningful work.

>>50919542
>Next time I'll try that, see if it works.
If it's a wee bit too public - threaten her at first. If your CO tries to bust your ass for it - say it seemed like she was reaching for a weapon.

If that does not work, report her to the local xeno authorities (take your commissar or one of his men with you so you don't get suspected for conspiring with xenos). Tau have enough brains to see the negative consequences of tolerating personal interspecies relationships, and should deal with her swiftly.

>>50909693
Damn Greenskins don't seem to have any off buttons, even a gun wears out eventually, these shits don't even break down with age....

>>50917005
Not on planet Det'roit, the place managed to go even more to shit after they left

To any Guard anon's who have actually met Space Marines, what chapter were they and what we're they like?

Why even made this network? It's accessible across the entire galaxy it seems to nearly all walks of life and seemingly any species or faction, moderation is minimal based purely on specific board territories, as a fledgling tech priest, I am fascinated by the technological implications of this galactic network

>>50918519
Fuck you. Had to shoot my brother dead because of of you had room give him a fucking hicky, his last words were not his own, claiming the freak as a lover.... kindly drink a bottle of promethium

>>50919167
Who.... who let this thing on here?

>>50920050 c >>50918519

>>50920007
I believe it was created by Arch-Magos Moot, although for some reason it has changed hands to some Tau I think. Regardless, aside from a couple attempts to shill the Greater Good now and then, The Board has remained essentially the same.

>>50920007
GREETINGS FELLOW HOMO SAPIEN. I AM I HOMO SAPIEN LIKE YOU BUT I AM ALL ALONE. CAN YOU LEAD US TO A SYSTEM WITH MANY HOMO SAPIENS SUCH AS I? WE ARE DREADFULLY HUNGRY AND WE NEED TO BE WITH MORE OF OUR OWN KIND.

>>50919542
>>50916901 here. Sounds to me like you found yourself the Tau-equivalent of a xenophile. It's apparently not all that uncommon for Tau to have a human fetish, apparently. First time I was deployed to a Tau world with the 1st...well, we specialize in sneaking around, and by the Emperor, you wouldn't BELIEVE the things you see when they don't know you're watching.

Normally, I'd recommend applying explosives and las-fire until the problem went away, but as it is you'll just have to deal with a perverted xenos. Take it as a compliment, I suppose. Alternatively, you could see if any of Salusians are serving on your planet, and they'd think up a suitably subtle explosive solution.

>>50919809
Given the Tau's attitudes towards other aliens, I kind of doubt that'd work...

>>50920336
I'm getting a headache trying to deal with this. Don't think any Salusians are serving here...

Perverted xenos women. Who'd have thought... know a boy back home who'd jump at the idea.

>>50919087
GRUDGE

>>50916848
Hey Blueberry, is /vxp/ still crying about the announcement that AGP is only getting three seasons? I mean seriously, I haven't seen them Bawww this bad since "Mobile Battlesuit Her'ex'vre" ended.

>>50920443
>Given the Tau's attitudes towards other aliens, I kind of doubt that'd work...

It will work. Heck, they banned inter-caste relationships under pain of death, and when they don't treat banging one of us like if was beastiality (unlike the eldar) their leaders must find it really gross.

Also, did you know that the Kroot have sex by backrubbing?

>>50920691
I see... and no I didn't, and I didn't want to.

... fuck, then I witnessed xeno sex that one time

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>>50914637
Nonsense; do your own Astartes not wear bright color upon their armor?

Is it not true that those making penance for sins show their skin? Trust me~

>>50914786
Ohohoho, coming they are~!

A glorious Sister of Battle, Miriael Sabathiel is on her way to... raise morale.

Now if only I could wrap my tendrils around one of those living saints...

>>50919542
Honestly, you should just try to ignore her, just be as stoic as possible and do your best not to react. Eventually she should get the message and back off.

>>50920691
Actually, that was only to prevent the dilution of Tau versatility as a whol and destroy ties that would lead Tau astray from the Greater Good.

The truth is that as long as it's kept hidden, can't result in mixed-Caste offspring, and doesn't detract from your ability to serve the Greater Good, the Ethereals don't really care. That goes for Interspecies too, so odds are that reporting it won't actually do anything, Or Worse, the guy your reporting it to might try to encourage her behavior to instigate a conflict.

>>50920554
Oh by Aun'va, you have no idea.

Good News: they've stopped crying about AGP for the time being.

Bad News: They're probably going to start up again once the show Actually ends.

Worse News: There's a bunch of Faggots sperging out about the new Season of Magnus: Shippuden. I mean, I know this is kinda hypocrital coming from a Tau, but Jesus Christ that Show is Cancer and it's fanbase is so terrible it would disgust Nurgle! Like, how can people like that shit!?

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>>50920970
>That goes for Interspecies too, so odds are that reporting it won't actually do anything, Or Worse, the guy your reporting it to might try to encourage her behavior to instigate a conflict.
Fraking degenerate scum what in the Emperor's name is wrong with them it's so painfully dumb and heretical I can't even describe it. It's the moments like this that make me see that Monodominants are probably right.

>>50920924
You're making me uncomfortable.

>>50920970
Is kicking her when she crouches in front of me a good idea? Because I did that repeatedly today.

>>50921122
> Because I did that repeatedly today.
And she doesn't leave you alone?

That's it. Just shoot her and start a war. Hug your commissar's legs and repeat the Primer article on xenos interaction to not get BLAM'd.

Only a healthy dose of genocide will save this world and your soul. Plus you might actually get some sweet shit if you survive. I heard field promotions are pouring down like rain in conflicts with Tau if officers don't learn to keep their heads down.

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>>50916876
>Toasterfucker not acknowledging that Necrons are clearly superior

hmm lets see here, you fucks are part of an Empire that spans half the Galaxy as an organization dedicated solely to technology, and in the span of 10,000 years have been unable to advance back to your ancestors glory, even though you have plenty of examples and blueprints literally right in front of you.

Meanwhile we Necrons had one shithole of a planet, and we managed to study previously unknown entities, make our own gods from them, use them to kill the shit out of the Space Pepes, kill our gods and make them our bitches, and build robot bodies to free ourselves from the flesh. Then we stop giving shit, and when we wake up thousands upon Thousands of years later, every one else is still using toys guns compared to what we got. We're better than you in every way and we weren't even trying!

The real Question is, why aren't you sucking our Necrodermis Dicks? Come one over, we'll even burn some incense to make you more comfortable

>>50921122
No, just remember, cold Indifference and stoicism is the way to go.

>>50921167
I'm starting to think the revolting thing is a masochist.

For my sanity, I'm believing this whole nonsense is a test of willpower from the Emperor.

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>>50921187
I bet you aren't even a Necron. Beep boop.

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>>50921187
>Reminder to all That behind every Shitpost is a suicidal Necron crying for help. Will you not give him the Emperor's Mercy?

>>50921122

Have you considered raping the Xeno on your off-time and burning the corpse? Because it's not human, and doesn't have the same inherent rights, and being human, and one of the Emperor's Chosen people, it is completely permissible to gain pleasure from Xenos, so long as you continue in the Emperor's crusade, continue to prefer human women and adhere to the Emperor's will. That will being to further humanity, by raping and murdering a Xenos scum, you are furthering the crusade, removing your problem, and busting a nut in that sweet, tight, blueberry pussy.

I don't belong to an actual Guardsmen regiment. I'm a Navigator in a former-Guardsman Independent pirate legion, that broke away from the Imperium of Man so we could rob, enslave, and exterminate Xenos scum on our own terms, free from bureacracy. We're all human supremicists, and wouldn't lay a finger on humans, barring heretics, of course. I don't actually do anything but navigate occasionally when we travel, during my off time I frequent anonymous message boards and venerate the Emperor's name.

>>50921512
>sweet, tight blueberry pussy

Emperor damn it, stop making it sound so appealing.

>>50909053
>I'd probably be executed for being the moron who started a war

You'd probably be executed for being the moron who didn't start a war against filthy space commies.

>>50919963
Being a pdf in Ultramar,I can tell you Ultramarines are okay, a bit stuck up,but most of them think you're probably worth something,so that's something.Don't mention Minotaurs around them though, that's an easy way to get them to hate you.

>>50921585

You know you want it Guardsman... Go ahead and do it, take that Xenos scum scum and force yourself into her, listen to her scream as her worthless alien body pleasures you, feel her submit, mind, body, and soul completely, totally, and absolutely to the superior species that is Mankind. And then, end her wretched existence in holy promethium, so that the Emperor's will be done. The Xenos are less than nothing, soulless inhuman husks to be cleansed in the Emperor's sight. Prove Mankind's strength, and force her to your will. Her broken submission and fiery destruction will be an offering to the Emperor. She is fit only to serve Man in the deepest, most personal way, and be cleansed in fire like the animal she is. You want it, the Emperor wants it, and on a level her inhuman, deficient mind cannot comprehend, she craves to submit to Man and have her azure taint destroyed.

>>50921736
No... I shouldn't. I shouldn't want this...

>>50921585
Honestly, you should just give her the D. I mean, let's be honest, odds are 999 to 1 that you're going to die horribly within a month, either here, when some other moron starts a war, or on whatever Emperor forsaken hellhole you get redeployed to.

So take that blueberry for a ride. Might as well get some before your inevitable demise.

>>50921512
>>50921736
>Come on, Rape, Torture and Kill, It's fun!
>I'm totally not a Slanneshi Daemon you guys! Look, my name says Pirate Navigator, why would I lie to you on a Kroot Cooking advice forum?

OP you'd have to be a blithering idiot to take this guy seriously.

>>50921754

Guardsmen, the Emperor would not have placed you where you are, if it was not his will. He would not have placed those desires in your heart, unless it was his will that she be broken for the glory of Man. You are a noble Guardsman, stalwart and unyielding in your devotion. The corruption of Chaos has no hold on you. That desire, that craving, that thirst to force the seed of Man into her, it has been placed within you by the Emperor himself, so that through your body, the Power of Man will be demonstrated to her. Do it Guardman, and end her worthless existence in holy flame. It is his will, you know this in your heart. Is it not your duty to uphold, enforce, and ensure that the Emperor's will is upheld? Do it, and prove the majestic glory of Man to this Xenos, it is the will of the Emperor, and he expects nothing less from you.

>>50921822
I'm dumb enough to have willingly joined the Guard. Also, what's a Slaaneshi?

>>50921844
I'm honestly not sure... The Commissar made sure to note that doing that is worthy of execution...

>>50921881
Don't do it.
>>50921844
Kys heretic

>>50921881
Guardsmen.Dude.That so-called ''pirate navigator'' isn't the angry guy with a boltgun that tells you stuff.That's your Commissar. If you really want to stick it in (which I can only advise against),you should do it in all discretion,to avoid political turmoil and frak.
Also,Slaneeshi=Bad times all around

>>50921881
on the one hand - being blammed
on the other - sweet sweet blueberry puss puss

>>50921945
Dude, I know that's not a commissar.

>>50921881
so, in the gist of it is that you are being stalked by a blueberry that wants your dick harder than abaddon wants the cadian gate to fall. You have unwillingly made the situation worse by swearing at her, and you are on a planet that may turn into a bloodbath if you shoot her, and you will be blammed if you fuck the tight, blue puss-puss. So to remedy this you kicked her in the face when she crouched down infront of you?
First off, why did she crouch down infront of you? was she tryna suck the dick? or size it up or some shit
Second off, probably best to just put up with it and attempt to ignore it, and if need be use a bit of force, possibly a bit more than was necessary, but nothing that would start a war. this would show to your commissar that you are still loyal, and maybe she would be injured enough that she would have to stop bothering you for a few days. just remember, nothing too severe.

>>50922127
You nailed it.

I wasn't thinking about it, just creeped out. Lashed out, might have kneed her a few times. Frakked if I know why. Good advice, though.

>>50921881

> Ask yourself,

> Would the loss of one soft, succulent, moist, tight little blueberry clit and the Xenos scum attached to it from this Galaxy further the Emperor's will?
> By dominating every fiber of her being, are you not proving and demonstrating the unstoppable, indomnitable, eternal superiority of Man?
> She is Xenos, fit only to serve Man and be purged, is she not? By doing this, you would fulfill her purpose, and through proving the total dominance of Man over Xenos, and cleansing the galaxy of her inhuman flesh, would you not please the Emperor?
> Lastly, consider this, you have fought and slain many foes and risked death many times in the Emperor's name, have you not? Have you not shown your devotion to the Emperor, have you not proven your faith in his holy power time and time again? Do these righteous deeds escape the Emperor's all-encompassing gaze? No, such is not only absurd, it is blasphemy.
> Does the Emperor, in all of his wisdom and benevolence, not see fit to rewards his faithful? He has guided this Xenos wretch to you, so that her slight, petite, delicate body might bring unimaginable pleasure to your mortal body, so that your mind and soul will be strengthened in their devotion to the Emperor. By burning her abhorrent flesh in holy promethium, you are sending a righteous offering to the Emperor.

> Do it, Guardsman, it is the Emperor's will.

> Is it not a well-deserved reward that you have earned, many times over, in sweat, blood, and tears in his name?

> It is an honor to have been chosen by the Emperor for such an opportunity. By denying the opportunity to prove Humanity's perfection, end that mockery of human life that is this Xenos scum, and accepting this noble gift, you have scorned the Emperor himself, Guardsman.

> By deeming the reward that he, in his infinite wisdom has bestowed upon you as wrong, disgusting, and evil, in your mortal sight, you spit in the thrice-blessed eye of your Emperor.

> Do it, Guardsman.

>>50922226
why did she crouch down anyway? or do you have no idea?

Alright, going on guard duty one last time today. Since it's at a place nobody really cares about, I might be able to get away with posting. (seriously, who guards a water treatment plant)

>>50922246
... At least my boner is in semi-private.

>>50922255
Told you, frakked if I know. I think she was staring at my crotch...

>>50922325
she would be sizing up your dick then, probably questioning if its a greater good that her communist government. try not to fuck the blueberry if you can help it, but i really don't care if you fuck it or not, i don't want another shitty war with the blueberries and their frakking big guns.

>>50922325

I'll stop with the rationalization. Bro, the Emperor is fine with it if you force Mankind's superiority on her in his name. He's even more fine with it if you purge the blue Xenos afterward. Seriously, lighten up, you've earned it, and the Emperor's given you the oppurtunity. As long as you purge her afterward, and stick it in human women from now on, you're not doing anything wrong by busting a nut in some warm, quivering, ripe, and juicy Xenos pussy.

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>>50916589
>>50916135
>>50916940
GO BACK TO MAKING OUT WITH YOUR MAGIC SWORD WAIFU, TOPKNOT! AND STOP MAKING YOUR BOYFRIENDS SHITTY WRITING MANDATORY READING! I SWEAR ON KHORNE HIMSELF, IF I HAVE TO HEAR ONE PERSON TALK ABOUT THAT ONE FIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ME MY REMATCH AND I'M GONNA THIS BOOK SO FAR UP YOUR ASS, YOU'LL BE COUGHING UP PAPER FOR ANOTHER TEN MILLENNIUM!

>>50922439
You have no power here chaos scum.
All guardsmen know that The Emperor would not gift him xeno pussy but rather an everlasting flask of amasec.

>>50922439
t. Slaneesh cultist

>>50922325
Alright, place your bets on what happens to him!

>A. He takes the totally-not-corrupted-by-Slannesh-you-guys, "Pirate Navigator"'s advice and rapes and kills the xeno, starting a war.
>B. He gets Seduced by the creepy, Yandere, Blueberry into some sweet, sweet, lovemaking, and gets blammed by the Commisar.
>C. He stoically ignores her advances and makes it through.

>>50922559
I'm voting
>D. Sudden Ork attack kills everyone.

>>50922559
Hey, be fair. Even if I take his advice, that's a mite too far.

>>50922518

> Blasphemer, will the Emperor's faithful not know everlasting bliss beyond all mortal comphrehesion at his side upon dying in his service? Any material narcotic is a drop in an infinite ocean compared to the barest fraction of the Emperor's Heavenly Paradise.
> Everlasting you say? Do you believe a heretical work of warp-spawned witchcraft to be a proper reward from the Emperor himself?
> And you dare to imply that theopportunity to demonstrate Mankind's undeniable superiority to a Xenos in thr most irrefusable, personal way and purge her in the same night is an inferior gift that the Emperor would never consider, as opposed to a jar of endless narcotics that would send a Guardsman into a useless, hedonistic coma?
> Truly, repent, apostate, for you have slandered the Emperor on this day!

>>50922609
What if you suggest to the higher ups it could improve relations. Or maybe even say you could make her spy for you with the right persuasion

>>50922651
Your tricks and words ring hollow from the mouth of one that has forsaken the light of The Emperor and his Imperium.
You claim to know the mind of The Emperor while having forsaken the mighty empire he built, truly, who are you to lecture the faithful?

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>>50922566
Go home and take your Meds Twitch.

>>50922691
Have you ever seen the tau naked? It could be a Kommando you know.
This would also explain why it's trying to get close to him despite tau being shit at melee.

>>50922609
Hurried vox post.

I meant that killing her after fucking her was a step too far.

>all these biological impulse-driven posters
Installing an off-switch for that was easily one of the best implants and steps towards mechanical ascendency I ever took. And that includes the mechadendrite.
Honestly though, report it to a commissar or something. Just shove the problem up the chain of command until it sticks or it's forgotten.

>>50919796
I guess i could tinker with with the imperial robots I have..
Warp take it, I'll do it. If my superior is going to prod at xenotech I may as well try a few of my own theories on actually sanctified technology. I doubt they'd even notice I requisitioned a hab-constructor for a private workshop. I can always claim it's for storage anyway.
Honestly having a position with little actual duties to do is pretty good, Necron research lab under my feet notwithstanding, being transferred to a fortress world would be.. worthwhile, but horrific. Going to dig out my doctrina wafers. Maybe buy a couple booster packs.

Anyone else here /paradise world/

Shits comfy as fuck lads.

>>50922821
[angry binary screeching]

[outraged guardsman bellowing]

[loyal astartes yelling]

[fuirous sororitas choir]

[confused, yet enthusiastic ork WAAAGH]

[aroused heretical chuckling]

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>>50909000
Korpsman Here, Who here is ready to die for the Empe-
>>50921736
>>50921844
>>50921512
>>50922246
>>50922651
This...was not covered during my training. I need to go discuss this with my superior officer.

>>50922734
So, I asked around on your behalf, and Crazy Clem insisted I pass on this sage bit of advice.

"Tell the idiot if the problem's his nid-sniffing Commissar, then just blow the gun-humping Commissar up. Not like it doesn't happen every other day, you stupid squig-licker!"

For the record, I would've refused I didn't have a det-cord necklace with a krak grenade charm on right now. Old man knows how to tie a knot

>>50922906
Tell him thanks for me. Not sure if I have the balls to try and frak the Commissar, though... he's let me get by with more stubble then regulation allows. Plus, more commissars from the other regiments stalking around...even the Hero coming in is supposed to be a commissar. I'm almost swimming in them.

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>>50922690

> And who are you, to claim, in your shortsighted hubris that the hollow edifice of corruption, apathy, and self-centered rot that is the Imperium of Man, is the Empire the Holy Emperor envisioned?
> You are a fool, the True Empire of Man is the will of the Emperor. The will of the Emperor fills, strengthens, and is within all true and Faithful servants of his will, is it not? To look upon a Man, is to know his faith. To see it in his eyes, his heart, and his very soul, is to see his faith.
> Look at this picture.
> The High Lords Of Terra, look at them. Look at their faces, look at their eyes, and tell me what you see. Do you see a burning, righteous fervor to serve the Emperor in their eyes? Do you see a holy desire to exterminate all those who would dare oppose our Emperor on his Golden Throne? Do you see a flicker, a spark, a faint glimmer of passion within them?
> No, you see disdain for their fellow Man upon their faces. You see the corrupt greed in their eyes. You see their hollowness, their lack of zeal, you see their boredom.
> You see a blasphemous shadow of a flicker of a glimpse of the remnat what was and is The Eternal Emperor's will. You allow these mortal politicians to command you. You allow these thralls of apathy, boredom, and faithlessness to dictate your birth, your life, and your death.
> Did the Emperor not prize devotion to Man?
> Look at them. There is no faith, no true devotion, and no unshakable certainty that the Emperor's will will be done, no matter what may come.
> I follow the Emperor's commands, I follow the Emperor's dogma, and I follow the Emperor's cause. I do not bend my knee to any mortal man, I do not put my faith in their false titles, and I do not worship these Idols, nor do my comrades-in-arms.
> Do not further the Imperium of Man, further the Empire of Man, for it is his will, and his will be done.

>>50922950
You ever wear a spare commissar cap and coat? It's surprising how far you can get before people call you out on it.
...Actually, nobody has called me out on it. I think they think I'm an actual commisar. It's been three months.
Really comfy coats, too.

>>50922996

Can confirm, mine's extremely comfy, even if I did do a terrible job sewing up the autogun holes, and washing out the bloodstains. Cap's pretty nifty too, but it was never designed with a Navigator's unique proportions in mind. It's a nice paperweight, all the same.

>>50922996
=Clem collects the plates they sew onto the hat. One of these days, someone that isn't from the regiment is going to wise up to what all of those "medals" in his kit actually are.

>>50915487
>machinations of the xeno are perfections of the machine spirit
How did you even become a cogboy like this?

>>50923132
I think he meant "perversions", but the machine spirit must have been in a snarky mood When he wrote that.

Hey, I have a pretty urgent question.

I'm a private in the 21st Necromundan.

Now, nobody seems to like me, but I've learned to live with that. My own mother threw me in the trash! But just now I was sent to run a message out to the astropath and he started vomiting blood and screaming something about a yawning void.

What the frak do I do? Am I a witch? Am I going to be shot?

>>50909000
I dunno if this is the right board, guardsman. I've heard it on good authority to ask these sorts of questions on /iqn/ instead.

>>50922566
This or Delder.

>>50922952
The Imperium of Man fights and dies in defense of The Emperor and his subjects.
Man lives and dies in his honor and the Imperium is the instrument of his will.
What you see is only there because your masters place it there.
I see men who have served The Emperor and continue to do so despite a universe that has tried its hardest to kill them.
You claim to follow the will of The Emperor but the creature you follow is nothing more than the machinations of Chaos.
It is your blindness of the truth that makes you see others as less righteous and there was where you fell.
You may have once followed Him but by betraying your Duty you have betrayed Him.

>>50923184
Quit shilling and either lurk more, or go back to your containment board!

Seriously I'm getting tired of these overflow posters from /inq/ and /ecl/.

>>50922821
Inbred ratlings pls.

Also give back the cogitator you undoubtedly stole you filthy gene freak.

>>50923181
NOTHING TO FEAR FELLOW HOMOSAPIEN.

REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE STATIONED AND NOTHING WRONG SHALL OCCUR. FOR I, WHO IS ALSO A HOMOSAPIEN, KNOW THAT WHEN SUCH AN EVENT OCCURS THE BEST ACTION IS TO REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE AND COVER YOURSELF IN SAUCE.

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>>50909000
IMPERIALS GET OFF MY BOARD

>>50909000
>>50909053
>>50909158
>>50914786
>Disputed planet
>Xenos
>No GLORIOUS PURGATION
>Lives shouldn't be spent
WELL, MY CRUSADEING FLEET WAS SUFFERING FROM A SERIOUS CASE OF EMO. AND I DEFFINATELY KNOW YOUR PLANET. SO I'M JUST GONNA GET THEM TO COME OVER THERE AND PURGE THE ENTIRE PLANET AS AN EDGE-RELIEVER. THANKS!
-Black Templar.

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>>50923243
That's comforting. Getting drunk sounds like a good idea of not feasible.

Can anyone tell me what this symbol is by the way? This weird lander showed up and some guy is talking to my superior officer.

>>50923158
Basically this. I swear no matter what I do to appease the text systems it misbehaves.
Although I can at least claim I am in good company in such difficulty. They're temperamental machine spirits it would seem. Everyone from Magos to maintenance crew will occasionally find errors in their posts.

>>50923314
You're about to get an offer you cannot refuse.

>>50923314
>searching...
>results found

>skull
>sword
>[AUTHORISATION REQUIRED FOR ACCESS]
>Aquila
...above your paygrade.

I want to hold hands and cuddle with an Eldar.

>>50923348
If you aren't an Eldar, off yourself.
If you are an Eldar, off them then yourself.

>>50923332
>>50923323
This is another frakked up joke, right? You're really starting to worry me.

>>50923282
>Implying the Inquisition will let you
Tau-Imperium Border worlds are actually important in that they're the only places where trade and communication takes place without Requiring the Tau Empire and the Imperium of Mankind to be drawn into a dickwaving contest. They are frequently visited by Rogue Traders in service to the Imperium. This one is probably only in dispute because ATM the Tau want to take it over wholesale, and Imperium is just there to scare 'em off.

This means that No, you cannot Purge a valuable asset Simply because your Battle-Brothers are acting like pubescent humans! Now tell them to turn it around, and hightail it to Cadia! You've got work to do.

>>50923365
WWWWWRRRYYYYY

>>50915638
Wait, what happens if a Kroot eats a Tyranid?

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>>50915638
>>50919167
>Commissar, you need to see this.

>>50921822
>I'm totally not a Slanneshi Daemon you guys!
Course not. The Tau alrady killed Slannesh.

>>50923357
But they're so cute.

>>50923184
All threads about xenos belong on /xno/.

Cybernetica cogboy here here again, designing future workshop.
Does /xno/ think that I should go for a winter palette to match the snowy moon with some large windows, or something more summery to evoke warmth to juxtapose the constant blizzard?
I'd ask elsewhere but we don't have an interior design board. And I'm not going for an industrial theme. I live, eat and breathe industrial themes. I want it to be pretty. With some skulls in the corners. And maybe a statue or two.

>>50923348
But why? They're weird looking. And look at us weird. Also the only one I saw tried to kill me and broke Steve. I miss that robot.. Steve was a great robot.

>>50923365
You do NOT want to know the authorization level to learn more. I can barely see the name before the systems start forcing me to look elsewhere.

>>50923367
>inquisition
>ever getting shit done
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH
GOOD ONE YOU HERETICAL PANSY WIMP. THE INQUISITION IS TOO FUCKING DEVICIVE ON ALL XENOS, ESPECIALLY THE TAU, TO EVER COME TO ACTION. ESPECIALLY SINCE ITS LIKELY ONE OF THOSE RADICALS THAT SET THIS SHIT UP. WORSE PARTS OF THE INQUISITION I SAY.
>going to cadia
WHEN HAS FAILBBADON THE ARMLESS EVER SUCCEEDED IN ANYTHING!?!?! HES NEVER GOING TO WIN AT CADIA! SO AS OUR DUTY AS THE MOST WIDESPREAD AND PROACTIVE CHAPTER, IT AIN'T GONNA BE HAPPENING. TO MUCH OTHER THREATS ARE THERE.

>>50923402
>cute
>implying cute isn't the first step to hope
>implying you haven't read your Primer

When your world falls because you fell for the oldest xeno trick in the book, I hope, in the moments before your atoms begin rapidly drifting apart, you think back to this moment.

Somebody convince me not to have sex with the battle psyker I'm supposed to shoot if she goes crazy.

She's making this very difficult for me.

>>50923425
>>50923435
It's all worth it for those cute ears

>>50923365
If the Inquistor on site that you mentioned isn't a moron, he's probably cooking up a way to conveniently get the Tau to back off by having the offending ethereal pushing for this expansion "disappear", meaning that you probably won't have to worry about getting raped by your not-so-secret admirer anymore. If the Inquistor is less than Competent however (a frightening prospect that is sadly all too likely to be true) then you might as well bang the blueberry because shit is about to go down.

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>>50923365
Negative. Hold position until further orders. Failure to comply will result in reclassification as Primary Target.

>>50923439
Easy. Set up a hidden satchel charge that you carry everywhere with two detonators and a dead mans switch.
Carry said satchel charge everywhere you go.
If the psyker goes nuts and you're the closest she kills you therefore activating the satchel charge and if she doesn't you can get close to her and activate one of the detonators.

>>50923425
...Please tell me this has nothing to do with the Inquisition. I think I'm about to shit out my heart.

>>50923206

> You believe your spoon-fed rhetoric will sway me from the true path? I am a servant of the Emperor, not the bureaucratic, overly complicated, faithless shell that is the Imperium of Man.

> Do not assume that I believe that I and my comrades in arms are the only true servants of the Emperor. There are countless billions of righteous, devoted followers of his will who would die in an instant if they could exchange their lives for two Xenos. These billions have the will of the Emperor burning within them, and if it weren't for their faith, Mankind would've succumbed to extinction long ago.

> Let's just assume that the High Lords of Terra truly are faithful, just for a moment.

> If High Lords of Terra cannot agree on a course of action between themselves, how are they to dictate the course of humanity itself? If they are power-hungry and divided enough that The Beheading could occur, how are they to unite Mankind? If they cannot unite and maintain order among themselves, how are they to unite and maintain order in the entirety of the galaxy?

> They are not, and they hold humanity back, whether or not they realize it. If every Imperial Regiment, Planetary Defense Force, and Space Marine Chapter took the crusade into their own hands and abandoned the foolish demands of that pack of twisted, treacherous snakes the Eternal War would be won in a generation! Small-scale, independent organization is the best.

> Let each Man follow the Emperor and further the crusade as he sees fit, for it is the Emperor's will that each Man do his best to take action! If the armies of Man are mismanaged by a pack of delusional, limp-handed, mentally deficient crones, how are they to ever hope to reign victorious against all those who oppose the Emperor?

> (cont.)

>>50923451
You just want the ears? No need for an Eldar, just get implants.

>>50923491


> The only duty I have is that which the Emperor has ordained for all of humanity's men and women.
> By abandoning the Imperium of Man to better further Mankind itself, am I not fulfilling my duty?
> By Navigating my comrades in arms through the perils of the Warp so that they are able to slay countless Xenos in the Emperor's name, am I not fulfilling my duty?
> By abandoning stifling regulations, tactically unsound commands, and the Imperium's token lip-service to the Emperor in favor of a righteous and victorious crusade to destroy all Xenos on my own terms, am I not fulfilling my duty?

>>50923439
Make her go crazy with your cock and shoot her with your cum~

Poor girl probably hasn't ever known love. Being classed as a 'freak' and all. If she is to die, at least give her something good in this life.

>>50923487
Hold up, are you telling me I actually should, you know, purge the witch?

Like, with my penis?

>>50923425
How cold are we talking? Like, if you broke a window, would you die? I don't think I could work in a room that's one clumsy servitor away from being tomb.

>>50923467
S-sir, yes sir!

So anyone hear watch the latest episode of My Little Servoskull?

I think I'm in love with Xerxes-23!

>>50923439
At least you will to engage in procreation activities with a human. Doing better than most it would seem.
If you're in a high fatality battleground you may as well go for it. It's hardly the worst way to go. If not.. maybe hold off on that. There are other women out there. Ones who who won't explode your cranium and summon ruinous beings if they lose control.

>>50923451
Seems like it would be easier to just.. gene mod a human's ears. Maybe there's something in it for enchanted hearing, I don't know I'm not a biologis.
But intentionally modifying the human form to be closer to that of xenos for sexual purposes is heresy anyway.
Just get some kind of false ear coverings and pay someone in a Hive red light district to wear them if you must. They probably deal with stranger things daily.

>>50923488
...Well, I'm getting an awful lot of skulls and I symbols demanding additional clearance if I want further data.
I'm not saying it IS the Inquisition, but at this point it doesn't seem unlikely.

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Can I hang out here? Kind of doomed to eternal damnation because Eldrad fucked up, and everyone else here is busy doomsaying the apocal-

Oh. You guys got faggots like >>50923551.

Yeah I'll just lurk. I guess.

>>50923457
Hey, let's be clear, >>50923365 isn't the OP, I am.

... She found me again, somehow. Even when I'm guarding a place that stinks this bad, she's here.

>>50923348
>>50923357
>>50923402
>>50923435
>>50923451
>>50923492

I've slept with nineteen Eldar women, and I can say without a doubt, that I would do it again. Their ears are great, I'll admit, but forever shattering their superiority complex with the majestic glory of Mankind as they slowly begin to realize their purpose is the best part, by far. They invariably make a sort of keening noise and a sort of rapid low-pitched whine-grunt when you start getting deep. Their anuses are also extremely tight, that it hurts them going in is only a bonus.

>>50923574
I just want Vanilla Eldar sex

>>50923556
I'm stationed on Armageddon. I guess chances are I'll be eaten by some hulking greenskin pretty soon anyway.

>>50909053
>tired
>pt
>combat drills
What, you're not sitting around on your ass play with your handbook and wondering who the commissar will shoot today? You're a terrible guardsman. Back in MY day, we didn't do a lick of work unless the orks were ALREADY in the trenches, and even then we did our best to sham out before it got to that. What's the guard coming to, by emperor.

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>>50923574
>>50923591
We are not for lewd!

>>50923571

> DO IT, PROVE YOUR DEVOTION TO THE EMPEROR AND MANKIND! DO IT, GUARDSMAN, DO IT!!!

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>>50923551
Oh man, another Skullnie?

That show is the best thing on Vox-o-Vision these days!

I love how that at the end of the day, no matter their difference, the skulls come to realise that BELIEF IN THE EMPEROR ISN'T MAGIC, BECAUSE MAGIC IS HERESY, PURGE THE HERETIC!

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Help I'm lost. I don't know where I am and have been wandering around on this shitty planet for two decades. I just want a hot meal and a warm bed. I've gotten a rash from wearing this armor for so long.

>>50923498
The Duty of Man is to Serve.
To Serve is to Venerate The Emperor.
You justify your betrayal of Duty by seeking safety in the lies whispered to you by daemons.
By seeking justification you acknowledge your failure yet are blinded by daemons of lust and greed.
There is no redemption for you, for you have been tainted.
All I or any Man can give you is the Emperor's Mercy.

>>50923510
To be fair she is a mutant and wears dentures because, she says, her teeth ran away during her sanctioning.

But she is awful pretty.

>>50923571
Just ignore her. It probably won't make her go away, but is should keep her infatuation from getting even worse.

...Actually you're not alone with her, are you? Because if you are, I would start getting very afraid if I were you.

>>50923522
They're not just simple glass. This is a mechanicus compound, after all. They're not about to shatter without a bolter or ogryn pounding at them.
As for danger.. well, I couldn't survive with just my robe for too long. But there are cold weather suits available.
The local wildlife seems to do fine with some kind of thick keratin weave covering however.

>>50923551
Power levels man! Theta-12 is best skull though

>>50923615
>Armageddon
May as well die without regrets?

>>50909408
Yeah that shit is punishable under the UCIJ, don't fuck with that shit man. I had a buddy who did, and he got put on the shittiest detail. Had sniper-bait duty for two weeks.

He got lucky though- he got off after day three due to a medical discharge. Through the brainpan.

>>50923617
Hey, when you're under the constant eye of the brass, you don't have much choice. I take as much time sitting around playing Umberjik and posting on this site as I can!

>>50923621
She's staring at the boner you gave me. Awkward.

>>50923638
I have some bad news, mighty Astartes.

You're on Birmingham.

>>50923653
We're alone, but I'm armed and armored and she isn't.

>>50909501
Working with ork locals huh? I wonder if theyre better than these PDF failures who're all overweight and shouldn't be trusted with sharp knives.

>>50923670
Remember your Duty, Guardsman.
There is no such thing as Redemption and betrayal of Duty is the gravest of sins.

>>50923591

Eh... Each to their own, I suppose... As long as you're purging more of them than you're consensually fucking, it's fine, it's just not for me.

>>50923620

Hmm, you're quite the looker... Those breasts, that ass, that form... mm, yes, absolutely delicious, yes indeed... I'd love to see those ears, and, touch them, and rub them, and pinch them all through the night, oh yes...

>>50923670

> SHOW HER THE GLORY OF MAN!!!

>>50923709
The heretic shows his true form!
He claims dominance is his reason and yet he condones consensual sex with the xenos.

>>50911835
You're fucked mate- administratum will never change those orders, short of you becoming a hero of the imperium.

I recommend you get your enginseer "retired" and hope the next one is friendlier and willing to teach- every other alternative involves a lot of tech-heresy.

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Sup bitches, I heard you like Waifus. Unlike your dogshit Emperor, Chaos lets you have them if you're a Space Marine.

>FOR THE DANK GODS

>>50914637
Make sure to see your platoon bandaid and get your shit checked. Just looking at those things can give eye herpes.

Attention fellow mon-keigh vermin.

Would anyone know where there is an undefended farming world around the Gothic Sector? Preferably with many mon-keigh with delightful screams.

Just wondering which to protect first, as a loyal Empire Guard Man.

>>50923703
Now I wonder, if this Tau approaches OP while on duty, what duties does she have? Does she have access to Imperial duty rosters?
Being a dirty xeno is no excuse for abandoning the duties you were assigned. Cannot imagine their empire will last long if they leave their posts to stare at crotches of other species.

>>50923709
...Once again, that bio-urge off switch was the best I had installed.

>>50923743
I see no waifus in that image. Also a weapon is not a waifu. No matter how intricate the mechanisms may be or how cute the machine spirit is.
..Maybe I need to check that bio-urge toggle.

>>50923755
I believe that's more Nurgles department.

>>50923743
Yeah, but you guys also have to bend the knee to Topknot failure simply because he's the Ruinous Power's little Darling, which sounds infinitely worse than no waifus.

>>50916135
>Looks at orders
Uhm... What about CADlA? CAD-LA?
I hope it says cad-la...

>>50916477
Found the radical.

>>50911835
I'm standing in a puddle of human gore, liquified orks and spent ammunition. I've spent the last eight years either fixing up or finishing off wounded soldiers. I'm now the most senior noncom of my regiment at a whopping 26 years old.

If you think sitting on a beach is worth whining about, then take it from a superior that you are hereby ordered to FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFRAK YOURSELF!

>>50923766
Oh yeah, there's this place called Cadia, tons of Imperial citizens there but not enough Empire Guard Mans to cover them. A xeno raid would really fuck that place up. You and all your lads should ship out there ASAP.

>>50923670
Go find the enginseer and hide in their bay. They usually couldn't care less and brass are always afraid of tech-freaks.

>>50923801
Atleast you got combat tours. I'm still stuck in the PDF! I want more than anything to go fight for the emperor!

>>50923691
All those other guys are suggesting solutions out of a Harem Vox-Program. Try to communicate with her, maybe get her to learn a little Gothic while your at it. It would be significantly less creepy to be stalked by something that can communicate with you, then something that can't. And you might even learn a thing or two if you can get her to talk.

>>50923803
This Cadia seems worth protecting from those bad xenos. I, ah... What's the word.

I think you. Those Cadia mon-keigh won't know what, uh, saved them.

>>50923639

> My Duties are to purge the Xenos, Heretic, and Mutant, and spread the glory of Mankind all of which I fulfill with great expedience.

>>50923733

> My reason is not sexual dominance. My reason is to prove the glory of Man and the Emperor.
> Do you honestly believe that I subscribe to the idea the Xenos are capable of having a mutual, loving relationship with a human?
> No, of course not. Any Xenos who consensually submits herself to Man has merely accepted their place as Man's servant, proving the superiority of Man.
> Any Xenos who willingly submits herself to Man, who truly wants nothing more than the touch of Man, who praises the works of Man, and of the Emperor with all of their being, has truly forsaken her own species in favor of Mankind, furthering the glory of Man far more than simply breaking as they're raped.
> It's much less time-efficient, and takes an immense amount of mental indoctrination to pull off, which is why I prefer the much simpler stick in and purge method.
> Of course, there's always the option of enslaving them, and slowly breaking their will to the realization that Man is superior in every aspect, to the point that they outright worship Mankind and the Emperor as the God he is. That's good too, but requires so much invested time, time I could be spending reading the philosophical works of the Emperor and ancient Terran Philosophers.

>>50909053
Sounds like SOMEONE is looking to die for the Emperor! He's going to reward you so hard when you kill that filthy Xeno and get shot for it in glorious battle.

>>50923814
Inadvisable. Deserting your post's a capital offense, and Lord Commissar Varius (read: Lord Commissar asshole) is about to check on lover boy over there in about four minutes.

>>50923814
I can't hide in their sanctum forever, and that's even if they'll put up with me.

>>50923841
>try and communicate with her
>dis ork
She hasn't responded to a single thing I've said. Just stared at me in silence. I'm freaked out.

>>50923743

ALL PRAISE BE TO TZEENTCH!!!

>>50923833
Trust me, you don't. Dying for the Emperor is still dying.
We all have to die, so you may as well die well. But dying hurts and I'd rather live for as long as possible and enjoy my life before it all has to end.
My advice is to find someone and create new humans first. It's a good way to spend time while enjoying that life the Emperor gave you before giving it back in some battle to defend the Imperium or expand it.

>>50923873
Try for a name. If she can't understand pointing and simple names you've probably not got a stalker and instead some Tau simpleton who's dazzled by humanity.

>>50923873
ALERT ALERT ALL GUARDSMEN SCRAMBLE


QUICK! HIDE IN THE BASILISK! ITS THE ONLY WAY!

>>50923852
Your Duty was to the Navis Nobilite, the oldest branch of the Imperium and through them The Emperor.
You spin your web of lies trying to make a shade from the Light but there is no respite for the heretic or the unclean.
When you failed your Duty you lost your humanity.

>"When the people forget their duty they are no longer human and become something less than beasts. They have no place in the bosom of humanity nor in the heart of the Emperor. Let them die and be forgotten" - Codex Imperialis

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>>50923775
Not if you aren't a black legionaire.

Me personally? I'm content ruling my own planetary slice of hell as a god and ignoring that edgy dumbass. You can be like me too! All you have to do is pledge your soul to the dark gods and you will be free.