>the merchant lord asks your character to prove their worth

>>50658989
point sword toward throat of merchant
>give me your money or i ll slit your throat
he complies
leave the premesi and drop the sword

>>50658989
Challenge him to a duel

>>50658989
>Press the sword against his throat.
>"See? You could use a sword. Lucky for you, I have one to sell."
>Take few steps back with a smirk.

>walk out with sword
>enjoy free sword

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>>50658989
>"well the book says it's 15gp. Do I have to make a persuasion roll or something?"

Try and tell me your players wouldn't say this.

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>>50658989
I play a song.

>>50659025
I always was wondering - where is this image from?

>>50659037
Steve Lichman, a comic/webcomic

>>50658989
>This sword can make you fabulously wealthy.
>Torture him using the sword until he gives me a lot of money
>See?

>>50658989
I shouldn't have to tell you how to do your job.

Fucking lazy nobility, no work ethic. Peasants might smell bad, but at least they know the value of honest work. This knigger over here, Lord Moneybags, trying to get me to work his shop. Bitch, I'm level 3, I don't have to put up with this shit.

>>50659000
>>50659012
>>50659064
Good thing you have a sword cause that's a whole lotta edge.

>>50659073
>implying that s the not the first cheeky thing you thought of
>implying OP wasnt expecting those answer

>>50659073
>>50659083
The response would probably fail the test because sustaining a commodity-based business by threat of force is more trouble than it's worth.

>>50659012
It's an old joke, but it still checks out.
>>50658989
Well, I'm the DM, but there's one NPC who, based on his history, could probably give you a college-level course on the methods and materials for making swords.
So he would probably analyze the sword, explain its properties and current market value, and then draw from his equipment a much better sword of greater expense and offer to sell the noble THAT sword. Being LE, he would overcharge considerably as payment for the lesson, and as something for the noble to figure out on his own. Caveat emptor.
The character I played last (in a game that's probably dead) would try to dredge up whatever knowledge she could on metalworking (not very much).

>>50659083
Its not nearly the first thing I thought of, but then I actually like playing merchant characters and would have gone about it legitimately.

'Here's a sword for 1 silver'

> I will attack you mercilessly with whatever I hold in my hands within the next five minutes.
> Now, may I draw your attention the masterfully crafted, freshly sharpened sword I now weild.
> It can be your's for the low, low price of 30 gp

>>50659095
then how does the mafia, the trial, the whatever evil organisation in your setting is up and running since such a long time and still will be long after we are turned to dust.

>>50659127
By not being a commodity-based business.

>>50659083
OP prolly wanted answered like this otherwise he would have asked us to sell a horse.

>>50659143
Sell you a horse you say?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWFBqiUgspg

>>50659141
>implying being under the protection of triads isnt a commodity.

>>50659141
>>50659150
>"We're not a commodity, we're a service! As in, 'serve us'!"

>>50658989
I enchant the sword.
It will take a couple of weeks but it will be worth more now so he will hopefuly buy it.

I used-car-salesman the fuck out of him. It's not even that hard. If you know what you're doing and have a few tricks up your sleeve you can get a good deal on anything where price is negotiable at all.

>>50658989
"Take this. It's dangerous to go alone."

I'll just set the sword down behind me. "If you want it, it'll be 50 gold." Then I start punching him until he either gives me 50 gold or he blacks out, then I take 50 gold and leave the sword with a bill of sale clearly spelling out our return policy (2 weeks if defective, no returns otherwise).

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>>50658989
My Lord, you see this sword? This is the legendary sword of "Richie McMoneybags, the greatest Merchant Lord in all the land."
The sword is of the finest craft, forged in the heart of a volcano by the strongest blacksmiths the land has to offer.

A mighty weapon with the dignity of a ruler crafted into every inch, a shimmering steel that reflects the nobility of it's wielder as it slices cleanly through enemy forces and stands as a standard for which all other swords are compared.

A true masterwork such as this would normally not have a price but my Lord, a man of such grace and splendor such as yourself is in need of a weapon of equal grace and splendor.
I would normally hand this to my lord for a mere pittance but I cannot willingly part with this sword without something of equal value for it would devalue both myself as a merchant, my lord as a valued customer and the sword itself if I were to sell it to you for anything less than it is actually worth.

So my lord, in return for access to your trade routes and a blossoming partnership, what say you?

>>50658989
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftFAbPnNYrg

>>50658989
Turn 360 degrees and run out of the store.

>>50658989
>Look into his eyes
>Mind control
>"Buy this sword. It costs all your money."
>He buys the sword
>"Wait why the fuck am I even having to prove shit I have a roll-crit-or-you-fail-to-resist mind control"
>Fuck off from there

What Sword?

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>>50659025
"Ooh, dm, I rolled a natural 20, that means he buys it from me for the times the price right?"

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>>50658989
>Sheathe away the sword
>Offer him my services as a caravan guard in his next expedition.
It's like you guys don't even recognize a plot hook when it's served up to you.

>>50658989
>...Why? I'm just a soldier, hired to [insert quest here], i have no interest in this. Thanks for the sword though.

>>50658989
"No."

Thanks for the sword, dicknuts.

>>50658989
No disrespect, but I ain't the one with a honeyed tongue. That'd be [the face], talk to him

>>50659095
The only reason businessmen have power, though, is that they can buy people to force you if you don't comply with consumer capitalism.

It's not like it's a good system for the common man in and of itself, otherwise we wouldn't need laws to enforce it.

>>50659412
>an entire movie about the kind of person who should be studied to find out if there's a genetic marker for the profiteering mindset
If we found it we'd have a way to enact the first morally justified genocide in human history.

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>>50658989
This sword is too strong for you, merchant lord.

You don’t know what you asked merchant lord, my strongest sword would kill a dragon, let alone a man. You need a seller that sells weaker swords, because my sword is too strong.

I can’t give you my strongest sword, because my strongest sword is only for the strongest being and you are of the weakest.

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>All these people threatening a merchant lord's life or safety
>Implying a merchant -LORD- isn't wealthy enough for guards or magical protection
>Implying he'd arrange for a meeting with a group of armed mercenaries, let alone hand one a weapon, without guards present
>Implying he's not savvy and experienced enough to fight by himself; an ex-adventurer who used his connections and wealth to found his trading empire
Now that I think about it, this is a good litmus test before you wind up with some player stabbing an actual king.

>>50659686
never fails to put a smile on my face

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I walk away with the sword until the merchant lord comes to me to buy it back.

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>>50659000
>>50659012
>>50659064
>>50659071
>All these neets who have never been to a job interview
>missing the entire point of the question

I always try to pretend that shut ins don't exist, that it's just a meme, and then I see shit like this.

>>50659780
>implying the sort of freelance adventurers who can get into the sanctum of a merchant lord without already being his cronies aren't probably a cut above his current hires
>implying businessmen are human beings with functioning understandings of consequence
>implying a skilled fighter with anything resembling dignity would stoop so low as to be a merchant
Even if he is more powerful than us, killing him is nothing short of entirely justified. The power gap just means taking a more roundabout route.

>>50659822
I've watched the movie and get the idea. It's just a shit idea used by shit people I have no interest in working with or working for.

>>50659601
It's called socio-/psychopathy.

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>>50658989
Enchant the sword before his very eyes and offer to sell it to him for a pittance.

>>50659852
We can't test for that accurately yet. That's why we need a specific genetic marker or series thereof to prove it without significant doubt.

The minute we can, you better believe it needs to happen.

>>50659822
What *is* the point of the question?
We are adventurers, trained in the arts of violence.
Why do you measure a mercenary's value by his mercantile skill?

>>50659127
Because they are not peddling goods, and if they do, it's usually addiction-related?
Main source of income for any criminal organisation is usually tax evasion anyway. Then there is extortion of all forms and types. Then there is prostitution, gamble and similar.

None of this is based on commodity.

Also, any criminal organisation that wants to remain afloat for a while needs a proper image and balancing between skimming people and providing for them. If you are too greedy or too brutal, you are going to get out of the business. Probably dead, probably disposed by more level-headed competition.
Just check how it worked for Russian mob in the 90s. The entire period could be pretty much described as gang war raging throughout the country, especially mid-90s. But all the wise guys quickly realised they can't just shoot everyone or entirely base their operation on being bunch of brutal thugs, because there is nothing guaranteeing their presence or not being targetted.
That's why the "organised crime" comes from - you need to safeguard your operation and since you can't use legal means to do so, you must be creative. Brutality solves nothing, unless you ALREADY secured a strong position over large region... but why then would you need to be brutal at this point, if there is nobody to brutalise left?

>>50659875
It's a movie reference. Specifically, the one in >>50659412.

Funnily enough >>50659012, which he quoted there, is doing what the guy in the film clip did. He's creating urgency and a demand for the product.

I've always wondered what the little faggot in the movie would do if the person he tried this with just pulled out a second pen to write his name down, but I can't stand to watch a movie about cancerous people long enough to see if it comes up.

>>50659875
>Why do you measure a mercenary's value by his mercantile skill?
Because it means you are dealing with someone reasonable and in the business long enough to realise how things are solved, rather than bunch of armed thugs.

Seriously, what kind of question is that?!

>>50658989
Call his wife and tell her the sword would look lovely as an ornament in her living room, as common weaponry is all the rage in noble circles since the 'commoner chic' trend really took over the decor circles.
And remember to compliment everything about her while sounding really really gay.

>>50659888
Naked force is the best way to solve a problem when presented by a limp-wristed cunt in a suit, though.

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>>50659840
This is why you don't let your half-orc berserker handle the business negotiations.
If you survive and get out, hope you enjoy being chased by the law-enforcement brought about by the nobility he was aligned with, any black markets or gangs he worked with, any of his old allies who he kept in touch with and wasn't disenfranchised from, and possibly his personal revenge if resurrection is something that can be bought in the setting.
Because you just instigated mortal combat with a very successful and influential man, and just because you can beat any man in an army doesn't mean you have the right to try and beat the army.

>>50659886
>I've always wondered what the little faggot in the movie would do if the person he tried this with just pulled out a second pen to write his name down.
It's simple - they drop a client and go for another one. The entire point of this trick - and the film, really - is about bunch of guys abusing the fact some people are stupid enough to fall in. So it's less about "what now, sport", because they already know what now - drop you and find someone stupid enough to fall for false urgency.

It's like you don't know how telephone-based marketing works.

>>50659906
>Naked force is the best way to solve a problem when presented by a limp-wristed cunt in a suit in B-movies
Here, FTFY

>>50659886
>It's a movie reference.
That doesn't answer the question in-universe. Sure, it's a "fun" reference, but you are still asking a dumb question.
What is the point of the question?

>>50659888
>Because it means you are dealing with someone reasonable
>merchants
>reasonable

>>50659176
What tricks
How do I level barter

>>50659908
>If you survive and get out, hope you enjoy being chased by the law-enforcement brought about by the nobility he was aligned with, any black markets or gangs he worked with, any of his old allies who he kept in touch with and wasn't disenfranchised from, and possibly his personal revenge if resurrection is something that can be bought in the setting.
I'm a half-orc berserker, of course I enjoy that.

What little faggot doesn't?

>>50659869
>but when it does happen it'll be the sociopaths killing the regulars not the other way around

>>50659933
>What is the point of the question?
Businessmen can't think outside of a business mindset. It's what happens when mental disorders don't damage cognitive ability, it keeps the massive organic processor going while stripping out the part that makes it a man and not a machine made of fleshy bits.

Anyway, it's supposed to imply that the mercenary has good business sense. That means said merc isn't just a violent monster looking to point his sword at something, but a businessman who's business is pointing his sword at things.

It falls apart because as a mercenary leader you run the chance of being one who's just as stuck in the mud as any of your grunts on half your jobs and thus identify with human beings more than your employers.

>>50659908
Drow rogue suggests we could always just pretend he bested us, murder him in secret and pin it on a rival of his.

>>50659933
>Still missing the point
>After getting things explained
Just read >>50659912

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>>50659939
Good. I'm fine with running a game of high-profile outlaws on the lam, I just hope the rest of your team is.
We antihero campaign now.

>>50659912
>It's like you don't know how telephone-based marketing works.
I honestly don't, it doesn't seem like something anyone would fall for and I just ignore them by principle.

>>50659869
Sociopathy is more compatible with modern ideas of success. Sociopaths have already rigged the game in their favor, it's too late to divorce humanity from them now

>>50659978
>it's supposed to imply that the mercenary has good business sense.
Of all the hundreds of possibility of civilized activities that a mercenary might enjoy, you choose bartering as the only one that could be used to measure the merc's worth?
You're grasping for straws, trying to justify a retarded reference, like the dude that insists that Monty Python quotes are always good.

>>50658989
This sword has now been wielded by a mighty hero, his very essence is ingrained to. Not only that, but it was given to him directly by a renowned merchant lord. For some people who like memorabilia it might be worth hundreds of gold pieces, but I am not one for robbery so I will sell it to you for the low price of 75 gold pieces. And if such semantics are not to your liking, it still a very good sword.

>>50658989
>sell you this sword? Why would I do that? It is a terrible, rusty, old sword. It probably doesn't even cut well, and it is ugly

>THIS sword on the other hand...

>>50658989
>look at merchant's sword
>laugh
>hand it back
"This sword isn't worth shit and I pity any fool who would make the mistake of paying for it."

>>50658989
>(((Merchants)))
Not even once.

>>50659935
I read that as "How do I level banter".
I was about to reccommend a holiday in Australia, to live among the native shitposters.

>>50660014
It's about quantity, not quality.
The tele-marketing assumes from the very start efficiency of 0.5%.
You start with 200 numbers. Half of them won't even pick up. Of remaining 100, half will drop the call after hearing who you are. Of remaining 50 half will tell you they are not interested. Of remaining 25 half will tell it sounds interesting, but that's it. Of the remaining 12, half will consider your deal. Of the remaining 6, half will open the form. Of the remaining 3, only one will sign the deal and send it back.

It's all calculated in. Average phone-saller makes roughtly 300 calls a day. In case of stock market it's slightly easier, because you at least get clients, so once you get someone hooked, you can use them more than once. Average tele-marketing centre uses single client once.

And believe me, even with efficiency of 0.5%, it's still profitable enough to do it.

Lets see, this is a several stage task:
1. Can i identify the sword pattern/type?

2. Can i identify the metal, or metal pattern?

3. Can I identify the forging pattern?

4. Can I identify the craftsman?

5. Can I identify common mistakes on this type of item, and if any quality is usual?

6. Is the item enchanted or blessed? If so: How and when?

7. Assuming I have identified some of the features: Are this item common in this region, or is it exotic import? And if yes: Would it still be a exotic import for the Merchant?

The goal isn't to sell the item to the Merchant, the goal is to prove that you have enough trade knowledge, that you could sell a item to a customer that wants the item.

>>50658989
"If you buy this sword, then I won't go around telling every 2 copper piece adventurer that you're handing out free weaponry."

>>50660038
Anyone can poke a guy with the pointy end of a sword.

A professional knows how to get someone to pay them to poke a guy with the pointy end of a sword.

>>50659908
Everyone has the right to try.

>>50658989
"Well, for one, this sword is clearly from the future, having been made via construction methods I couldn't guess at and possessing durability matched by few weapons today. It's also good for slashing people, stabbing people, and, if you're a dab hand and wearing some protective gloves, that crossguard can really mess up a man's skull."

>>50659933
>Explain!
>*explains*
>But it's stupid!
Accept it, some things *are* stupid

>>50658989
“In a room sit three great men, a king, a priest, and a rich man with his gold. Between them stands a sellsword, a little man of common birth and no great mind. Each of the great ones bids him slay the other two. ‘Do it,’ says the king, ‘for I am your lawful ruler.’ ‘Do it,’ says the priest, ‘for I command you in the names of the gods.’ ‘Do it,’ says the rich man, ‘and all this gold shall be yours.’ So tell me – who lives and who dies?”

>>50661439
That riddle pretends that looting doesn't exist, I see.

>>50661439
https://youtu.be/FpL6Fwu0wkw?t=47s

>>50661439
>insert "you're screwed no matter who you choose" gotcha response here.

>>50661601
But, Tyrion is right in that situation. It does depend on the swordsman.

If the swordsman is loyal to king and country, then he's biased toward sparing the king.
If the swordsman is loyal to the gods, then he's biased toward sparing the priest.
If the swordsman is loyal to the highest bidder, then he's biased toward sparing the rich man.

Riddles like that pretend to be smart and tell of human nature but ignore it entirely.

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>>50661439
>So tell me – who lives and who dies?
None. Neither sycopanthy nor fear of death nor avarice will prevent me from doing what's right. Instead I propose that I will strike down the first of the three who moves to harm any of the other two.

>>50661439
>"So what if I kill them all?"

>>50661721
The riddle also ignores that for a long time in history, kings were considered on the same level as priests (as far as proximity to God was concerned). In fact, kings could install and fire bishops.
The priest's got nothing on the king.

>>50659412
>Sell me this pen
>Thanks, man. If you'd like to continue your seminar I'll sell you the pen back for whatever you've got in your wallet.
Was this not the obvious answer?

>>50661439
>plot twist
>everyone has character levels in their relevant field
>and the king is an ex-barbarian
Who dies?

>>50661721
True that. Power lies in the hand of the sellsword. And between the king, priest and rich man, the king is (assuming any other scenario than the one presented to us) the most powerful simply because he has the most swords and the most (loyal) men wielding swords.

Though the thing about power is that it's very hard to define, and often power and the illussion of power are the same thing. You're only as powerful as others believe you are.

>>50661805
>Free investiture
Absolutely disgusting.

>>50661829
Not the CoDzilla.

>>50658989
First I'd appraise the sword. If it's not masterwork, I'd use a spell to make it masterwork. Then I'd enchant the sword and return to the merchant with a gift of wine. We'd have a nice chat, then I would present the newly improved sword and demonstrate it's magical powers. I'd explain how it was made, then start with a price about 90% of market value, leaving room for the merchant lord to make money off of the purchase. The price could then be negotiated until an agreement is made.

The deal fails? Well I'll just sell the sword myself at 100% market value

>>50661805
Remember its a quote in a fantasy world religion is different there even if its similar.
>>50661824
Pretty much but that scene is more of him making a living of selling his success of scamming the actual guy is in that scene too that welcomes leonardo playing him
>>50661834
Tbqh Vary's should have just said Power is where the sellsword believes it which would prove tyrion right but hes trying to show off be an elitist and wise in this scene.

>>50659821
Now this is the right level of cheeky little shit.

>>50658989
"This sword will double your sex life."

>>50658989
"Sell you this sword? What is this going for, 10 gold? That's a waste of time for you and for me. Frankly, you don't look like someone who uses a sword a lot and I'm not someone who desperately needs 10 gold.
A 10-gold sword isn't worth much. You can issue one to one of your 2-gold-a-day guards outside; he'll get drunk tomorrow, get shanked by some cutthroat in an alley for his new sword and you're down 12 gold once you find him.
What you want to buy isn't a 10-gold sword, what you want to buy is a hand that can take this 10 gold sword and give you back 40, 50 gold worth of service and not get shanked in some alley. So how about this? I'll sell you 4 good hands for 160 gold, and I'll throw in the sword for free."

>>50658989
>Take the sword
>Slightly slice my palm with it
"See my lord, this sword was bathed into the blood of the greatest hero of this land".

>>50658989
>"This sword? Why would you want a sword? Oh, well, that's pretty easy. Man of your stature, self defence, right? I mean, you have guards, but they're outside, and the only other person in this room has a sword. You don't know what they'll do. They have a sword. You don't. But you could. You could be the man with the sword. You'd be in control, with this sword. The other guy wouldn't dare try anything. Because you'd have the sword. The man with the sword."

>Try a bit harder than that.

>"I don't have to. I have the sword."

>A sword, a sword. What a wonderful tool it is. The act of killing a man, trivialized into a good poke. Any mindless heathen can kill a better man, but it also handling killing those mindless heathens easier.
>It takes a lot of men to make a sword. Hundreds! Many men to make a sword. Men in the mines to mine the iron, men in the mills to forge the steel, the smitheries to hammer the blade out, sharpen the edges, make it real. It takes a lot of men to make a sword.

Raise the sword to make admiring its make easier.

>A sword claims many men before its done. Hundreds, long before you swing it once. Men in the mines, and in the steel mills, the wilt'ring smithies, who died, for what? Something to buy? A shoe, a sword, a thing to make the bosses richer.

>A sword claims many men before its done.

Point the sword at him.

>Just. One.

And then I kill the capitalist pig.

>>50659908
Except an army is the worst way to go about killing a group of powerful adventurers for a number of reasons.

>>50663567
Depends on the system and the GM, really.

>>50663579
Since we're talking about adventurers and half-orc berserkers, I was assuming something high fantasy, and I can think of very few examples of high fantasy where an army will work at both catching and killing the adventurers.

I can think of a few, mind, there's just a lot more examples of the opposite case.

But yes, it does largely depend on the setting, system and GM.

>>50663496
>>50659000
>>50659012
>implying the merchant wouldn't have contingencies in place just for that occasion

If it's a merchant lord, he won't be as retarded as this guy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=meP_Ufwj-FY

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>>50658989
Does that violate the NAP?

>>50663888
For his defense, Tuco made everything to convince the shopkeeper he's harmless and looking to buy a gun, not rob him blind.

>>50664585
>autistic magna carta screeching

>>50659176
What you just said can be summarised by saying "I roll to persuade". Give some examples.

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HI BILLY MAYS HERE WITH THE INTENSE CLEANSING POWER OF THE OXYSWORD

>>50659575
Found the commie fuck.

>>50665707
Fund the idiot bought by system's propaganda

>hey cool, a free sword
>so long sucker
The fuck do I need to prove my salesmanship skills to some pompous merchant lord for?

>>50658989
>everyone itt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCfntaYBeqs

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>>50665743
I think someone needs a free helicopter ride.

>>50665366
>oxysword
>not kitchen gun

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>infiltration mission successful
>stab the bougie

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>>50665988
Like you'd be any better; an exploited serf is an exploited serf, whether exploited by a lord or a paladin.

>>50659000
>drop the sword
Dude, free sword.

>>50666319
You just sold it.
Keeping the sword would be theft.

>>50659575
>>50665743

So explain to me how if i do not want to buy something a business can force me to buy it from them?

I wanted a car so i chose which one i wanted to buy after looking at several options. When i decided i wanted a chevy instead of a toyota i did not have toyota thugs after me to force me to buy a toyota.

>>50658989

>Wait, sell you this sword?
>>Yes.
>So if I fail, I keep it?
>>Er, I suppose.
>Because I refuse to sell you this sword. Would you prefer another sword instead?
>>Wait, why aren't you selling me that sword.
>I don't want to tell you.
>>That's preposterous. The point is to sell me that sword
>I would rather sell you this other sword though. Isn't it better looking?
>>Yes, but why would you give up the better looking sword for the sword I just handed to you?
>...see how nicely this sword swings in the air.
>>I don't care! Sell me the other sword!
>No.
>>PLEASE! JUST NAME YOUR PRICE!
>This sword is priceless. I can't just simply hand it over to you.
>>1,000 gold!
>...1,500.
>>DEAL!
>...
>>...
>...
>>...Well played.

>>50666796
>merchant lord
>highly susceptible to reverse psychology
Pick one. You don't get to the top of the heap by being an idiot who's easy to dupe. If he had any brains at all, he'd let you sell him any other sword and allow you to fail your test miserably.

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>>50659575
>>50659601
>>50659840
>>50659869
>>50665743
What's with all the goddamn commies in this thread?

>>50666913
What's with all those sheep so eager to defend The Man, while being in the same time ass-raped by The Man?

>>50666934
Because The Man is always going to be assraping you no matter what you do; we have no delusions about the fact that those who have power use it to fuck over those who don't.

>>50666836
>You
>Capable of not having a stick in your ass
Pick one.

>>50667043
If you act like an idiot, you get treated like an idiot and you're not allowed to come crying when you do.

>>50667068
If you act like a stick in the mud, don't be surprised when your table suddenly has a lot of people texting you on game day "sorry can't make it" last second.

>>50667106
Not a problem, I don't play with idiots.

>>50667119
Are you saying you don't even attend your own sessions?

>>50666913
>commies
You don't need to be a commie to criticize flaws in the system.

>>50662120
>Vary's should have just said Power is where the sellsword believes it which would prove tyrion right
But that's exactly what happens. Tyrion says that it depends on the sellsword, so Varys asks him why sellswords don't rule, then follows that up by saying that power resides were men believe it is. In other words, yes it depends on the sellsword, but more importantly it depends on what the sellsword believes, and beliefs are malleable. If you can make people believe that you have is what rules, then what you have will be what rules.

>>50661805
>>50661834
Honestly the riddle works better if it's a lord rather than a king, since the thing that makes kings be kings is that they have feudatory loyalty, the divine right to rule, and loads of money. In short a king is all of the three men in this riddle put together.

>>50667181
Pathetic. If I'd known you'd resort to such unsophisticated comebacks, I would just have called your mother a slut and your father a mailman.

>>50658989
>*Drag in a beggar from the street*
>"Remember this douche bag? He tried to pick pocket you last week. Why don't you take out your sword and kill him on the spo. Ain't nobody is gonna miss him."
>Merchant Lord: "I don't have a sword."
>*Gives sword to him*
>"Well here ya fucking go."

>>50667437
How edgy. Also you didn't even sell the sword, you just give it to him. You fail.

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>>50667402
>Pathetic
Oh hang on, you dropped this while you were tipping it. Be more careful next time.

>>50667511
Jesus Christ, you're still this upset that I pointed out your stupid idea was in fact a stupid idea? Get help. Maybe go see your pastor on Sunday if you're too poor for psychotherapy.

>>50667542
The only one getting assblasted here is you, my fedora friend.

>Walk into this thread hoping for wild sales pitches
>Get edge and communism

Damn

>>50658989
Obviously, you threaten the merchant with the sword.
Together, you and the merchant secure a cheap supply of swords from a rural blacksmith. Next, you hire some layabouts at the docks to mug a few travellers. After the traveller is mugged, you approach him as a kind passerby and console him. You bring him to the local tavern, and word spreads of muggings.

Suddenly, there is a much higher demand for swords. 2ez

>>50667572
>fedora friend
>recommends you to go to church
A church isn't enough for you, though, you need to go to a monastery.

>>50667499
That's a Wolf of Wall Street reference anon.

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>>50667601
>Recommending a non-traditional religion

>>50667633
>christian
>non-traditional

>>50667633
Autism.

>>50667589
>Together, you and the merchant secure a cheap supply of swords from a rural blacksmith.
The Blacksmith is probably already just making a profit. Faced with lowered profit margins, he has no choice but to start lowering the quality of his work, or he is forced to flee elsewhere. The Merchant's swords gain a reputation for unreliability and low quality.
>You bring him to the local tavern, and word spreads of muggings.
Word gets around, and fewer travelers are willing to pass through the town if they can avoid it. The merchantmen transporting the swords from your rural village to town now feel unsafe, and demand more guards.

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>>50667645
>>50667731
Gentlemen.

>>50658989
Examine the sword, see its quality and balance. Then perform a display of combat prowess. Hand blade over to the merchant and say the following.

"All blades are only as good as their users. But without a blade, a swordsman is nothing. This blade is one of quality, as you saw in my display. If you have the skill, buy it and forge your destiny"

"You want me to sell? Alright. Let's assume for a moment that this city will be attacked in seven days. I know, it seems unlikely, but let's assume it is. Assuming that you, a profitable merchant, have set up shop in this city, which is currently being overrun by...I don't know, bandits, the most likely choice for you would be to hire guards, much like the ones you have here. You, being a merchant, likely wanted to purchase the guards that occupy the middle ground between 'affordable' and 'most effective'. I would have done the same in your position, and judging by the look your guards gave me when I walked in, your definition of 'affordable' is very, very different from the average man. Anyway, back to the city being attacked in seven days: assuming that bandits are attacking in seven days and your two guards here aren't strong enough to hold off an entire greedy horde of thieves, what would you do then? Run? Of course not, they'd take your livelihood. Surrender? That's a bit pointless, isn't it?

With those two options out of the way, the only option left is to fight. Now I know what you're thinking: 'Oh, this is the part where he says that this sword is the best fighting tool in the WORLD.' You and I both know that's not the case. This sword is rusty, old and chipped and that's why you gave it to me. I can't sell this sword to you. What I can sell to you is training, because the two chaps out there might not be enough someday. In order to ready yourself for that day, the day your two loyal guardsmen are brutally killed at your doorstep, the only solution is to learn how to fight at their sides the same way a hero would. 'But Edward!' you might say 'Heroes die all the time, and they have far better swords than the piece of shit you're holding now!' And I'll admit, most men would die if they only had this sword. However, I am not most men. You can either learn how to fight with this sword, or find out what bandits can do with just a knife."

>captcha: store front

>>50658989
>"you should buy this sword, its a good sword"

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>>50659567
>TFW playing the party face with 20 charisma and everyone else in the party that dumped charisma keeps trying to beat me to being the face

>>50668337
Needs more asking questions about the customer's needs.

>>50658989

I'm >>50668337

I'm going to go roll up a human rogue named Edward and proceed to never play him because ForeverDM all because of that question. Thank you.

>>50668405
>tfw got charisma of 20, got elected party face and all you get for it is the responsibility to play silly merchant games with some faggot who thinks he's the funniest guy around
>tfw you don't even like swords

>>50668435

Much appreciated. This one seems a bit too forceful, or like it'll only work if there actually is a bandit group coming in seven days. However, in my experience, I'm often sold by someone with a bit of force behind their motivational techniques.

>>50659601
Sorry anon, I think somebody got the idea of genociding the Jews long before you did.

>>50658989
>I can't stress how convenient this sword is. No need to travel across town for a marginally better sword, not to mention waiting for a blacksmith to actually custom make you a sword. UGH! That princess getting swept away by orc brutes doesn't have time to wait and neither do you.

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>>50659528
Fuck man that's too real. Why can't I take the edgelords that try to stab the friendly shopkeeper? At least they try.

>>50659935
>>50665017
Make him offer a price first. Be willing to let things be quiet and awkward. Apply pressure by having your friend come up and offer a higher price than he was offering. Don't be afraid to walk away if it looks like you won't get the amount you want.

>>50658989
>This sword is of the highest quality. after all, you gave it to me, and you know that you only sell the highest quality goods.
We now have him trapped, if he doesn't hire you he's admitting to the public at large that he sells shoddy goods.

>>50669541
>"Yeah, but I have no need of a sword at this moment, nor in my foreseeable future."
Some 'trap' you have there.

>>50669563
>Everyone knows that you don't need a sword until it's too late to get one. Any respectable merchant would be prepared for every situation.
Multiple layers to this trap

>>50659000
>>50659012
This nigga didn't become a merchant lord by being robbed he probably has 4 crossbows pointed at you at any given time.

>>50669623
>"I already have a sword, and as you can see it actually better than the one you hold in your hands."
Your 'trap' is shit. He's testing you on salesmanship, not logic puzzles, so show some fucking salesmanship.

>>50658989
.....No!
>Pardon?
I said no, I have things to do! I'm a busy man I can't just drop everything to prove myself to a stranger.

>>50666934
Is it somehow better that you pick the people who'll keep you under their thumb to you? It matters not. In communism, you'll be poor and weak against your superiors, same as in capitalism. The difference is everyone who's smart and cunning enough to make more money than you will also be able to burn your books and censor your speech. There is no freedom for the communist. Productivity dies with no incentive to work hard, and then you're weighing your money like the Venezuelans currently are. Communism is a dream, and a very stupid dream that losers share.

>>50659539
That's pretty much what I was going to say right there.

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>>50658989
>Reverse image search
>Cold Steel Norman Sword
psssh

>>50660096
Failing that, acquire an acquaintance or familial connection to Aussies. Took me a few weeks around my cousin's now-husband to get my banter up to the level where he wouldn't have the upper hand every time.

>>50658989
>If you buy this sword and the 500 it comes with, I'll throw in a free empire.
>My mercenary band has a new financial backer for me to go full Griffith with.

>>50659912
Does telephone based marketing *actually* work on individuals younger than 50 in [current year]? I don't know, it's not my area of expertise. I do know, however, that political scientists are nervous about the fact that young people quite simply do not poll as easily as older folks. I figure that may be a transferrable quality.

"I'll fight and die for you if you have the coin,"

I'm a sell sword now! Get it?! Ok, I'll escort myself out...

>take the sword from him
>bend the blade flat against my knee until it snaps
>"Excuse me Sir, but are you interested in this fine shortsword? Very compact, excellent for concealment in dark alleys!"

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>>50672692
Approved.

>>50658989
If you don't buy this sword off me I'll donate it to you repeatedly.

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>>50659036
Isn't this "Sup Consul" The rap game taking place in the Roman Empire

>>50670855
Why do you assume that everyone who says there's a problem with the system is a communist?
Are you a dogmatist in need of justification for why you are ignoring anything that doesn't agree with your doctrine?

>>50672320
Aussies are largely overrated. I know a bunch. My sister's boyfriend is one. And he loses every single argument with her.
With me he doesn't even try to argue. He just assumes that whatever I say is well-researched and factual. It's almost scary.

>>50661439
The answer is it depends on the sellsword. Some care about gold, others god and others their liege. The whole point is if power resides with the dim-witted sellsword, then why are we being told what to do by Kings, priests and
fatcats?

>>50659947
Peter Watts please go to bed.

>>50659000

Is that how you edgy murderhobos handle all your problems?

>>50667633
>>50667871
You know as much as I like making fun of autists using the fedora everytime someone criticizes religion is getting old. We either need a new meme or some actual butthurt religion discussion.

>>50658989
write your name......in this peasant's flesh.

>>50658989
>Look the merchant in the eye
>"Well nobody would ever use an axe"
>Sell 6 million swords
>Merchant is /tg/