Things that piss off DMs/GMs

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>>50635589
>player rolls for no reason
>it lands on a 20
>he sits and waits for the DM to tell him to roll for something
>SEVERAL MINUTES PASS
>he points at the 20 and says he's using that
>DM tells him no, roll a new die, you rolled that one too long ago
>[crying, farting]
It astounds me that there are actual grown-ass adults who pull shit like this. Nobody above the age of 12 should ever act like this.

>>50635589
>that faggot who rolls off the table constantly, like every fucking time

How hard is to roll like a normal person?

>>50635589
>That guy who optimizes their character not for combat with enemies, but specifically so they can kill someone else's character build.

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>>50635697
>playing D&D with smelly goth chick back in 2002
>rolls the d20 toward herself, rolls right off the table
>she quickly picks it up and rolls it again in the exact same way
>is somehow surprised that it falls off again
>picks it up and rolls it in the exact same way AGAIN
>gets frustrated
>I suggest that she roll toward the center of the table, away from herself
>she tells me to shut up
Alright, cunt, have fun with that.

>>50635762
>That Guy who makes their character Like Another Player's Character, But Better

>>50635837
>That guy who makes their character Like Another Player's Character, But Better
I had this once. Me and my friend were both playing elves. Before the session started, I asked what his character looked like. He hadn't filled the descriptive section of the sheet yet. Since mine was
>Eyes: Green
>Skin: Pale
>Hair: Black
He made his
>Eyes: Greener
>Skin: Paler
>Hair: Darker than Black
He also made his character 1 inch taller than mine and 1 pound heavier.
Good times were had.

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Dex anon finds a wand while off by himself
>Wizard anon says hes just going to cange his mind mid way from searching a room to go to the Dex anons room
>why?
I wanna have that wand
>you dont know about it till he says something to you
But you just said he found it
>YOU AREN'T IN THE SAME ROOM AS HE IS AND YOUR CHARACTER WOULDN'T KNOW IF HE FOUND A WOND OR NOT IF NOTING WAS SAID TO HIM
>I use detect magic
I hate that guy
visible headache starts to consume me

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>>50635922
He also had the bigger dick.

>playing with newfags
>one lands a hit
>it does however much damagge
>"but cmon that had to be at least (however much more) damage"

>>50635589
To be fair, a die hitting something can affect it's outcome. My group has a policy of "if your roll touched anything, reroll all dice involved," just to take the subjectivity out of it (and a die going off the table counts too).

Had a player who argued he couldn't have been knocked out because his half elf barbarian doesn't sleep but meditates and would wake up immediately.

It went on for 10 minutes.

>Player makes a gimmick character
>Gets bored of playing it 2 sessions later
>Begs and pleads for a new character
>Even if I say no he'll just find a sword to fall on
>And the cycle begins anew

> i meant to have that skill instead

>>50636141
>>50635697
>>50635837
best way to handle this: if it falls off the table, it's a zero

>>50636141
I can understand when it rolls off the table
But this fucker only wanted to reroll because he got a shitty roll
It just barely nicked his arm

>>50636157

How gimmicked are we talking here

>>50636177

The character is based upon the player's latest pun. Because that is a solid foundation on which to build a character, and he certainly won't get bored this time after the joke gets overplayed!!!

>>50636204

Dude that sucks, i feel for you

if it makes you feel any better My cousin plays chaotic evil edgelords who try and kill everything

he's 44

>Can I have this, but not mechanically? Just as a fluff thing?
>"Sure."
>He has it mechanically
>"Sorry mate but you're burning this next edge to pay for that."
>*drops trou and starts pissing and shitting on the table*

>>50636236

I've taken to just never involving his characters in any plot points. He's effectively a cycling NPC. At least he doesn't also minmax his builds for the party's incoming challenge.

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>>50636204
Op back with a story
(call it gay if you wish)
I made a charictar while my friend GMed a Naruto themed game
>a year ago he had the idea
I made this stupid joke about being a Goose Sage that was 12
>we had stupid puns about how if I was lit on fire id be a roasted goose dinner and stupid shit like that
the idea died out untill about a few weeks ago
>FF to present time
he got with one of his friends to help him make it so it wouldn't be shit
Push came to shove and I didn't have a good idea for a charictar that either would have been to needy for the DM to bend rules around to make or it would have been a stump
>I made my character based off that pun
Kasi Gusu was his name being Fire Goose in gook speak
Later on down the line while thinking of it my stupid 12 yo accidentally started a war at home and could have cause another great world war to occur but this time on a human vs beast scale.
Honestly it was the best charictar I came up with because I made him to be like me
Says stupid shit because hes 12 and nobody acts like he was a member on the team till I droped some of the secrets of being a Sage
>naru fags know what I mean
>im not 12 but my shitty humor is of a 12 yo
>image is of Kasi

>>50636312
Once made a gnome monk who insisted on introducing himself alongside his pet rock, Lee.

>>50636312
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rcE79oTVf8dWTxHe-p0npScC1Fb5Vxv5177aAaw7D4A/edit
>not joking
I got into it and started making a fucking mini book about what happend but never got around to finish it by the time one guy when back to school so we dont play anymore

>Guy makes intentionally crippled character that's nothing but a burden on the group
>Claims it's for "muh roleplaying"
>Bitches and moans when he can't do anything

>>50636453
>"The GM should build the game around my character!"
>is a wizard with weapon focus: dagger, because his dagger is an heirloom weapon with six pages of backstory

>>50636498
Wizards don't need their feats to be OP, though.

I mean, if it were a fighter or something retarded like that gimping themselves there's an issue, but wizards can blow all their feats on Skill Focus (Craft (Taiwanese Basket Pornography)) and be fine.

>One player always makes over-optimized throwaway glass-cannons
>Actually work out a cool backstory for his character in the new campaign
>Seems really on board with the idea, comes up with most of the details himself, paints a really interesting picture, ends up making someone who would get along with the rest of the party pretty well
Then the campaign actually started
>Just sits on his phone looking at memes
>When I asked him if he was going to particpate, said he was "waiting for combat"
>We're going for political intrigue this time around, he knew that, as did everyone else
What do you know when after three sessions with no combat, all of a sudden he isn't "in the mood to play D&D" anymore

I don't know why I allowed myself to think that people could change /tg/

>>50636551
because they can
have him roll something else up and make something which is more relevant to the current style or try to give him some spotlight outside of outright combat

>>50636528
Always put points in Lore (potato)

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>>50636674
Heh.

>>50636076
>you don't detect anything because the rogue has already pocketed it and you can't pinpoint it.

>>50636100
We didn't roll for dick size for these characters, that was my campaign, and he did end up with the biggest dick, but I was the DM, I didn't even have a dick.

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>>50636693
>back of her knee

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>Player that can never be serious, regardless of the situation
>Today they finally beat an incredibly difficult mid-level boss and progress the story in a direction I didn't think possible
>The badassery and pride towards my players lived for only a second as the dying words of the shocked enemy was met with
>"lol (literally said it out), what's next? "Rosebud"? FINISH HIM!"

They are always such massive faggots anytime they are able to do anything outside the box.

>be gay
>unattractive chubby goth anime girl joins group
>everyone of the no date losers fall in love with her
>I am not bewitched by the siren's (read sea cow) call.
>soon get pissed as the DM lets her take back any role for her marry sue character he build the campaign around.

The sad this is that this has happened to me multiple times with multiple different groups.

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>>50636312
>naruto themed game
absolutely disgusting

>>50635589
>you enter a dungeon.
>what kind of stone are the walls made of?
>the bandit readies his weapon
>what kind of shortsword is it?
>you enter the tavern
>what was the door made out of?

not even for anything mechanics wise, just random questions for no reason.

>>50636809
Some what similar we had a girl join and everyone would just give her their loot.
>fighter: Oh, wow this sword is much better than mine.
>girl ranger: I don't have an off hand weapon.
>fighter: well you should take it.

Sits in her bag the whole time along with tons of other stuff she wanted and they gave her.

>>50636864
>The players want you to actually paint a mental picture
Horror of horrors. God forbid you have to imagine anything.

>>50636864
Holy fuck is this guy actually complaining about narrating stuff?????

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>half the players take a dislike to one specific player and proceed to block everything they do and try to kill their character

Try DMing through that mess

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>>50636897
This is the tool I use to correct such situations.

>>50636897
I'd just ask the guy they don't like to leave, why are you keeping someone around that everyone else hates?

>>50636937
complicated online circlejerk issues

>>50636961
I had to ask an actual friend of mine to leave because he was an obnoxious rules lawyer and munchkin, I'm sure you can deal with the fallout from an online relationship.

>>50636141
Honestly if it were just up to me I'd tell people to just fucking try to roll a consistent 20 by planning the roll to hit an object, but for some reason people still insist it's possible so what the hell, even high rolls that touch something get rerolled.

>>50636157
I am this guy and I apologize.

I just get new memey ideas from time to time!

>>50636979
this guy hadn't done anything wrong though so nothing doing, he just wasn't part of their circle and they decided he needed to go

which also shits me

>>50636979
>munchkin

I will not assume this of you but in my experience, any one that has used the word munchkin to refer to another player has been an insufferable jerk.

>>50636148

It's only full Elves that do the meditation thing. Half-Elves sleep like people do.

And even so, sleeping and being knocked unconscious from trauma/blood-loss is different from sleeping. Even Elves can get cold-cocked and knocked out.

Next time this shit happens, just say that his body was forced into trance because of the trauma. That'll shut him up.

That time my 5 players all named their characters each other's real names. It was cute the first sessions, but by the time fourth session rolled around some random witch placed a curse on them that made it impossible for them to say it other's names, so they all had to come up with nicknames for each other. Two of them picked the same nickname

>>50636100
>Elf Dick
>Big

Ah, Dimitri, you tell joke! Is very funny.

>>50635762
I had a moderately experienced roleplayer do this to a noob once just because he was jealous of noob's character.

>Player trying to turn an inherently multiplayer only game into his personal singleplayer show
Pisses me both as a DM a player, really.

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>Player makes a character somewhat unsuited to the campaign
>Weeks later, right when the party is bonding and about to undertake something vital
>"Anon, I want to swap characters. I know I've gotta work them into the story but I don't want to waste this next reward"

>Character has a good character, but in character they drift apart from the party as their goals misalign and choose to depart in order to play a new character
>They begin to play the new character, really getting into it more
>Party needs to do an investigation that their old character might know 1% more about than them
>"Let's track him down and bring him along! S, you don't mind leaving your new character behind and playing the old one again, right?"

>>50637288
It doesn't have to be big, just bigger than the other guys'.

>>50635589

> Player doesn't like his character
> Player commits suicide
> Player makes a new character
> Player doesn't like his character

and the cycle of of life and death continues

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>>50637727
>Player
BRB rerolling.

>>50635642

This fucking shit right here.

I used to play with this guy who literally rolled continuously while it wasn't his turn until he got a 20. The worst part is it seems like I was the only person who noticed. I was just a player in this game, so I didn't want to be that guy to single somebody else out.

>player wants to play the same character in every game, no matter how out of place it is
>player facebooks during rp, munchkins during combat
>players wanting to cut secret deals to be way more powerful then the other players in every game

Druid player levels up, asks whats a good cantrip.

Tell him "Oh, guidance is great. basically a free d4 on any ability check out of combat whenever you need it and can reasonably cast it"
Doesn't see use of it immediately as he thinks mostly in combat, but quickly starts getting the fact its literally a free d4 on any non-instant skill check
Starts using it on instant things he wouldn't have time to cast, don't mind it too much though since its just skills. Actually proud someone is using spells for once.
Starts using it mid combats/in initiatives, give friendly reminder 'it is still a spell, costs your action if you're using it'
'oh.jpg'
Hasn't used it since.

I didn't want him to stop using it completely! Just to be more reasonable with it.
Spells aren't that hard to remember, are they?

>>50635837
>That Guy who makes their character Like Another Player's Character, But Better
Had one of those in my group for a while. He eventually pissed everyone off so much I had to kick him.

>>50636148
Tell him that he remains conscious, in too much pain to move, and because of that, his hit points fall into the negatives faster, because of the agonizing state of his body and his inability to escape it.

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>>50636137
>"but cmon that had to be at least (however much more) damage"
Dying

>>50636693
Awwwwwww
>tfw you'll never have a waifu that remembers everything for you
feels bad man

>>50635589
I always roll on my character sheet. If it leaves the paper, it doesn't count.

>>50636453
Oh I played with one of these. Played someone with no arm, no arm or tongue, one leg, robot body with weak legs tipped with wheels and no arms, and a blind guy.

I'm sure there's more, but the just of it is he couldn't make any characters interesting so he made them non-humans or cripples.

He wants to be a writer.

>>50640193
So you're basically gently placing the dice on the table. How hasn't anyone called you out for cheating?

>>50637058
In earlier versions of Dungeons and Dragons, Barbarians also had the meditation/no sleep rule.

>>50635589
Arguing with me when I decide to nerf something. Game balance is my job and only my job.

>>50640510
what are you nerfing and why?

>>50640510
>Game balance is my job and only my job.
He's trying to tell you you're shit at it.

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>>50635589
>in a group of 4 friends
>one of them insists that we should play a rpg together
>nobody wants to be the GM so I have to do it
>spend a lot of time learning the rules, crafting the characters and the scenario and making maps on roll20
>that guy ends up being extremely disruptive, doesn't bother to learn the rules, doesn't even try to understand what's going on, always goes for le epic fun xD actions, interrupts me with a shitty joke every time I explain him stuff for the nth time
>bitches because he takes a lot of damage, damage he could avoid if he didn't attack every NPC on sight or if he used his whole skillset instead of just basic attacks
>he hasn't even spent most of his xp and the mage is now beefier than his barbarian
>start calling out on that at the end of the session
>"Come on it's just a game xD"
>Yeah but you're ruining the fun for 3 people
>"Alright..."
>next session goes smoothly, that guy doesn't shit the game and actually puts a little effort in
>everyone is having fun except for that guy who is is obviously annoyed
>later, he tells everyone that he won't play rpgs anymore because "it's boring"
>the two other guys have to stop as well because of it

>>50640555
>>50640556
Just reducing the HP if the giant robot she stole early on her career. I'm rebalancing the HP values of the monsters in the Bestiary. Giant robot has too high HP compared to the other giant enemies.

>>50640704
>>50640704
>the giant robot I gave my player is too powerful
You fucking faggot. Maybe you shouldn't have given her a goddamn robot in the first place if it was going to be too strong?

And the worst part is, this kind of thought process encourages the players to roll play. If you're ever thinking about numbers as a GM, then you're WRONG. GMing is about STORY you dumb sack of shit, not a bunch of meaningless numbers.

How about instead of randomly adjusting all the mosnters HP upward (which hurts the other players, and punishes them FOR LITERELLY NO REASON) you come up with an in universe explenation? Maybe robots ARE MAD EOF MEDAL so they're tought than other things? Why don't you try adding a little bit of creativity instead of just fucking over your players?
tl;dr you suck flaming cock and are a dumb sack of shit

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>>50640338
>How hasn't anyone called you out for cheating?
Because I never cheat?

>>50640756
K

>>50640704
Yeah that sounds like a dick move. If the robot is too strong (and how they got it being something you should have addressed earlier, largely through monetary (seriously what are the logistics on this thing, especially on repairs and maintenance) and visibility means), why not have enemies address it as being too strong.

Give them horribly inaccurate powerful weapons that are only useful against the thing they've known was coming weeks in advance that nobody would consider using against players (but they don't always need to know that).

Just saying hey that thing you have is now worse because I said so is a pretty shit way to balance things.

>>50640830
>>50640756
Ok

>>50635762
I did this only once, and it was because I overheard the other players saying they were just going to kill my character shortly after I joined.
When they tried I tricked one into killing the other, then killed him.

>>50637012
Sometimes a rose is a rose, mang.

>>50637012
>any one that has used the word munchkin to refer to another player has been an insufferable jerk.
Even in the context of making jokes about someone's lack of height?

>>50635589
People interrupting the DM
Phones out at the table
Not paying attention
Building characters you know are OP and will be disallowed.
Being chaotic randumb.

>>50640830
If everything is coming down, anon, then the only loss is the big numbers the player is in love with, not actual use.
Fuck players like that.

>>50635589
My DM hates me because of the way I play
>Build decent ranged character in Dark Heresy
>Always run at enemy
>Use lasgun as a club constantly
>Somehow manage to always kill enemy
>start using some of my range skill so I can throw things
>Have two frags
>Throw boot
>Instakill
DM: "Why do you fucking do this?"

>>50641573
So you have good rolls/RFs?
Is Your GM forgetting about fix bayonets?

>>50641600
Probably, I think most of the time he just gets baffled by my assery.
>tfw at some point I lost both my hands
>get the medic to duct tape bayonets to my nubs
>I am Affix Bayonets Incarnate.

>>50635589
>Encounter a female npc
>That guy tries to chat her up out of no where because he has no female contact irl

>>50641629
*badassery

>>50642904
No, he had it right the first time.

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>>50636528
>Taiwanese Basket Pornography

>>50642060

Wait anon, this is a chance! Try to use female NPC to socialize That Guy! Reward normal behavior and punish deviant behavior. You'll Pavlov him into a functional member of society in no time.

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>>50636897
Yeah that happened to me, once. The guy everyone hated was my best friend, and a better roleplayer than any of them. It was a difficult situation.

>>50635589
Just roll into a box.

>>50636141
I do the same. I don't care if it lands halfway on a fucking sheet of paper, if it's anything less than even flat surface you reroll, otherwise I wouldn't hear the end of "but it's flat enough!"

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>>50636453
>join game
>DM tells me "it's 50-50 combat and social"
>cool, tell DM i'm making a Diviniation wizard
>make character with low CON score due to childhood sickness
>DM likes the character
>first session
>rest of the party is min-maxed powergaming faggots who just want to KILL KILL KILL
>tell DM my PC isn't built for combat
>DM shrugs
>first three sessions turn out to be 95% combat 5% social interaction
>tell DM my character isn't built for constantly fighting
>DM shrugs
>mfw

I'm so glad I got out of that game.

>>50635589
Well then stop playing favorites OP.

All dice that roll off the table is a 1.

>>50635642
That's retarded and game breaking. I roll while we're out of combat just for something to do with my hands, but I'd never pretend anything I rolled counted during that time. Fuck that guy.

>>50645966
Not doubting that is was a bad game. A bad game is a bad game.

Whenever a DM points out that it's "50-50" or split evenly between combat and social I hear an alarm go off. Even if they are sincere, it usually means that you'll have a social encounter for every combat encounter. Social encounters in most games consist of either pure roleplay and speaking, or they have a few rolls at most. Either way, they tend to be over after two to fifteen minutes, tops. Combat encounters, however, tend to last between thirty minutes to a couple hours, depending on the DM, group, and system. They also tend to have rolls and actions much more frequently. In the end, even if the campaign is split "evenly" between combat and social, the main form of engagement in that game will be the combat.

Depending on the level, system, and edition, you could probably turn a social divination wizard around into a good combatant. Focus on save or lose spells, stay out of melee, and be wary of archers. If you're starting out at level one, then you're still going to go through the standard wizard infancy of one to three spells per day until you hit lvl5 wizard puberty.

>>50646527
But do you at least use a mat or a dish towel or something so it's not so noisy?

>>50635697
>that faggot who plays with his dice when it's not his turn and constantly rolls it off the table, forcing us to stop game as he frantically searches for it.
>then once he finds it, he gets bored and plays with his dice, causing them to roll off the table again.
>Repeat

I love the guy but fucking hell, it gets annoying when you're loaning someone dice and they keep rolling it off the table whenever they're bored.

>>50636864
He's probably trying to subtly get you to narrate more, paint a prettier picture. He's clearly failing at the subtle part, and most likely at the getting you to narrate more part, but it's probably a noble goal given what you wrote.

I get the impression you don't really narrate anything other than "X does Y" type stuff, and some people (apparently him included) like a little bit of description to help set the scene. You should consider trying to add a little more of that sort of thing to your descriptions.

Try describing the next tavern door as a "sturdy oak door" or the walls of the next dungeon as "blocks of various sizes and types of stone mortared together" or some shit. You may find you like it.

>>50636312
>charictar

fucking kill yourself, how the shit is it possible to mangle a simple word this hard

>>50649283
Still better than when someone uses the word 'toon'.

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Playing with your mother fucking cellphone during the mother fucking game.

>>50649049
>blocks of various sizes and types of stone mortared together
The word you're looking for is cyclopean.

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>DMing a campaign with 5 of my closest (only) friends
>always have 3 of their full attentions
>one gets up every fucking 10 minutes to smoke a cig
>the other just draws her dnd character on a sketchpad

>>50646604
Yeah. I just toss it out of the way on the mat. Plus there's a relatively thick tablecloth, so it's virtually noiseless.

>Interrupts other player's turn to show them memes on their phone

>>50637894
What does it mean to munchkin?

>>50637367
I get this all the fucking time. Over multiple groups. It baffles me.

>My girlfriend has separation anxiety so she's joining the campaign

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"Alright guys, new Delta Green campaign in a couple of weeks, message me with your character concepts prior please so I can plan accordingly."
>"Anon I want to play Leon Scott Kennedy from Resident Evil."
"No."
>"Anon pls."
"I said no."
>"Why?"
"You know the group policy: original characters only, not total rip-offs." The group's philosophy is if you can't bring yourself to create an original character, we don't see how you can bring yourself to roleplay a character in the first place.
>"Alright Anon, that's fair." Proceeds to tell me his character concept.
>Game day comes along.
>He literally shows up with a Leon Scott Kennedy rip-off.
>Didn't even bother changing the name.
>mfw

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>Players ignore/talk over me but their conversations are entirely in character
I don't even know if I'm mad

>>50637288
The strange part is that you think this joke is still funny.

>>50635589
For me it's basic personal rudeness that would be obnoxious in any social group. Lateness, bailing on the game last minute for shitty reasons, being on their phone, leaving the moment I hand out XP and not offering to help me with cleanup or thanking me.

Also, I've been running this campaign for 2+ years now and have yet to get any token of appreciation. Even an occasional toast to the DM (we mostly play at a bar) would be nice, but nah ppl just think this shit comes out of nowhere.

>>50635837
I made a character like that recently without meaning to.

>planar shepherd in D&D 3.5 that turns into monsters able to wield weapons
>uses the leap attack pounce with a weapon held in both hands to deal a lot of damage
>because the character is a primary spellcaster at the end of the day all it takes is a few buffs to outshine the frenized berserker in general (even though he will always do more damage than my character)
It was actually from me rebuilding my character at high levels 'cause I realized I spent way too much time casting spells instead of being a nature-themed melee guy who only has magic for buffs like I originally envisioned.
I had hoped we'd be like bash brothers or something for the team, but I can feel the hidden resentment of the berserker's player.
feelsbadman

>Starting up new D&D game with some buds from school.
>Going over everyone's character sheets and I notice one of the characters' names is "Gandalf"
>So I ask him
>Is your wizard actually going to be named Gandalf or is that a placeholder?
>i dunno can you think of a better one
I let it slide but every time it's his turn I wince a little.

I don't know if this is exactly the right place to talk about it but.

>Two of my players are having an IRL Spat.
>One player refuses to be anywhere near the other one.
>Other individual is mostly oblivious that he's done anything wrong.
>As in other player hasn't even said anything to the other person about whats pissed her off.
>Part of the philosophy I had when I started this was that we weren't gonna have a session unless all 4 players and I were present.
>As a result the game is gonna have to go on hiatus until these two work it out.

How should I handle this guys?
Should I just go on hiatus and wait for them to work it out or should I be more forceful about this?

I'm good friends with both these players and I'v been talking with the person who feels they've been wronged,
she says she will talk to him but she is probably going to wait for a week which means another missed session.

I feel like going behind her back and telling the other guy whats up and maybe I can make things better somehow
but I don't want to be crossing any lines here with the first person.

I've offered to talk to the guy for her, and she told me she has no idea what she would want me to say to him.

I'm really concerned that this problem is never going to go away and my campaign is over.

To add another layer of complication, the player who has pissed off the other player is disliked by one of the others
and the girl who is pissed of is the girlfriend of the fourth player.

So even if I did want to run sessions without her I fear nobody would want to show up.

I also don't want to kick out the unknowing antagonist in this because the whole reason I started this was to introduce him to TTRPG,
because he had never played before.

What do?

>>50635589

It was years ago. We were playing D&D 3.5 at the time.

Now, this was a few years in of us playing 3.5, and by that point we'd become quite proficient at making retardedly strong characters. Now, most of us backed off from the really bad shit, except for one player. We'll call him "T." T looooooved CharOp boards. Oh, oh how he loved CharOp boards. Every fucking character HAD to be off of there, otherwise T wasn't quite satisfied.

So I'm running a campaign, and this was, I think, my second campaign, so while confident I was still a little green to the whole thing. And T ended up making a character that I ended up despising more than any other character I've ever hated in my entire 12 year DMing career: Drod the Druid.

So, obviously, the character was a Druid. Now that in itself is pretty fucking strong in 3.5. But he doesn't -just- make a Druid. No, no, my good buddy T decides to play one particular prestige class for Druid: the Planar Druid, from some Eberron sourcebook. He also takes the Vow of Poverty, which for those who haven't played 3.5, was a feat that gave you a whole bunch of bonuses to stuff, so long as you never kept any property at all. "But Anon," you say, "VoP isn't even that good, it's easy to get around." Well, you are right, most of the time. For this character, however, it only served to make him even more overpowered. You ever seen that skit about the Angel Summoner and the BMX Bandit? It was like that, except it was four BMX Bandits and one Angel Summoner... only this Angel Summoner didn't summon angels, he became them.

See, this particular prestige class, for those who don't know, is one that allows a Druid to pick a plane, and then use their Wild Shape to turn into the denizens of the chosen plane. Good buddy T decides to pick Mount Celestia, so now he can turn into fucking angels. At his level, he can become a Deva, and this is where shit gets dumb.

Continued in next post

>guy uses a MtG counter/spindown d20
>explain that he should use something else that's actually random, because the spread of the spindown actually has areas that will have better results
>come off as an autist who's stopped the game to complain about dice
The edges were pretty rounded, too, but I didn't bring it up at the time.

>>50653940
For the record I of course have no problem with MtG players using spindown dice in their games because that's what they're for.

>>50653757
>she says she will talk to him but she is probably going to wait for a week
That sounds dumb. Tell your friend that some stranger on the internet called her dumb.

>she has no idea what she would want me to say to him
What about telling him what she thinks he did to wrong her.

Stop acting like high school kids and just communicate.

>>50653940
Is there actually a difference in randomness? I only ask because everyone in my play group has a few in their dice bag so they unintentionally get rolled in table top games every so often.

>>50654046
Well with a spindown die, it starts at 20 on one side and then starts counting down so that the 1 is on the opposite side of the 20 in symmetrical fashion. On a normal d20, the 20 is also on the opposite side of the 1, but it's also next to the 2, 18, and I think 14. So on a spindown, there are areas, especially around the 20, that will directly result in better results.

>>50654088
Right, but there's still a 5% chance of landing on any number regardless of what numbers are near that number.

>>50653896

So, VoP's bonuses happen to stack with Wild Shape. Meaning that anytime he becomes a Deva, he's suddenly the fucking Angel of Death. His AC went up somewhere in the low to mid 30s, his to hit bonus was crazy enough to hit everything that moved, every single save was insanely high, every check had some kind of bonus. All of this, at level 13 or so. He had literally no weakness. Looking back there is a huge weakness in the Banishment spell, but again, I was still a fresh DM at the time.

Up until this point in the campaign, I didn't have a problem challenging the players. Now? Mr. "I'm-a-fucking-angel-now" would just turn into a Deva and completely wreck every single thing I'd throw at them, which made the rest of the party seem superfluous at best, like a bunch of fucking groupies at worst.

So, I start thinking of ways to make combat tense for everyone. And I stumble across the Bodak. And it hits me: instant death, of course! The angel isn't immune to that, so it's the perfect challenge.

So I created a little mini dungeon, a crypt filled with undead. The party (being led by T's fucking angel) comes in there for... some fucking reason I can't remember since it's been almost 10 years since this happened. They find themselves face to face with about a dozen bodaks. The angel gets first in initiative (because of fucking course he does, he got a massive, massive bonus in his angel form), and charges forward, at which point he comes into range of the Bodak's gaze. I tell him he has to roll his Fort save against instant death, and he laughs, saying that his save is super, super high, I think he got in the ballpark of +29 to it, something absurd like that. He rolls, and the die ends up hitting one of the tiles on the table, and it lands in such a way that it was on one of its edges, and the two numbers showing were 11 and 1.

Continued...

>>50649439
Toon.

>>50652704
You sound familiar. Was that on roll20?

>>50654142

So naturally, I tell him that he has to reroll. He, not surprisingly, says its clearly an 11. Literally everyone else at the table agrees with me, that's not "clearly" anything, he has to reroll.

He signs in disappointment, and says "Fine, but it's not like it matters, I'm not going to roll a 1." He then rolls a one. And this where the old "hold on, let me look this up" routine begins.

I'm sure you've all had this happen, whether you were running or playing the game. Someone is, like, totally, definitely, pretty sure that they have immunity to a bad thing that's about to happen, or a bonus against it, but it's not written on their character sheet so they have to look and find it. Because it's not written on their fucking character sheet. Because they're retarded. So he spends a few minutes looking at the Deva's stat block, looking at the prestige class (which took more time than looking at the stat block since we only had a PDF of that book). He looks and looks and looks and finds nothing.

He then picks up his character sheet, walks out to the garage, and throws it into my friend's wood furnace. He then sat there pouting for the rest of the night. When we told him he can at least start working on a new character, he refused. Basically, I'd "beaten" him, and that made him super fucking angry. And even though I'm ashamed to admit it, good fucking god did it make me happy

Also, I should mention this fun tidbit: the name "Drod" came from him not knowing how to spell Druid.

>>50654102
Assuming a perfectly balanced dice, yes. Spindown dice aren't intended to be balanced, though. All other things being equal, the one digit side should be heavier due to having more plastic and the 2 digit side should turn up more often because of it.

>>50654035
She did give personal reasons as to why she feels she needs to wait a week, but I agree it's pretty stupid. I really do feel I've talked to her all I can without being forceful so should I just resort to going behind her back and talking to the other guy?

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>>50635589
>>50635697
Day 1 I told my players dice off the table = auto miss/fail.

I even enforce it for myself. Keep it on the table faggots.

>>50654383
Ah, that makes sense.

>>50654395
>so should I just resort to going behind her back and talking to the other guy?
Sounds to me like she would freak out if you did this. Sounds like you just need friends that can grow up. But what do I know? I'm just some random person on the internet.

>>50652704
Now to be fair you would be hard pressed to create a modern action hero character that didn't have parallels to Leon, and I make characters similar to existing ones all the time, but just giving him his name is just going to destroy any immersion you could hope to have.

>>50652869
Unless it's something that would require an initiative roll, just let them roleplay and move on once they're done.

>>50653277
If it bothers you why didn't you suggest a better name when he asked?

>>50653940
Man, fuck you. I have people like that in my group who complain about the dice not being "random" enough. You still have a 1 in 20 chance of hitting any number unless you're obviously trying to drop the die on it's good side. And if you're using that to cheat at pretend games, you have bigger problems in your life.

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>"You died"
>"That's fine, I already got my next build ready!"

Why did I bother making them come up with backstories?

>>50655139
I dunno, would you rather have your players go into an autistic rage when their character dies?

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>>50655025
>Whats the problem with loaded dice? You still have a 1 in 6 chance of rolling a given number.
Idiot.

>>50655139
I have like, 30 characters already built, their entire level path planned out, depending on the system. I can't help it, I just get inspiration for a character and next thing I know I have their backstory, personality, design, quirks, stats, and level path all planned out and saved. It doesn't mean I don't want to play my current character, or haven't invested any thought or effort into them. I just have like 5 more who would be absolutely perfect for this setting ready to go.

That being said, I often am sad when a character dies, unless it's a really fitting moment. I both like to play my characters fully realized, leveled up all the way, but I also care about narrative character arc more than anything. If I see a great opportunity for rap up my character's story I take it, and leave the campaign. If I just randomly die at a lame time that makes me feel pretty bad, even if I have a bunch of characters ready who I really want to play too.

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>>50655139
>Group starts a spontaneous campaign one night
>Think it's gonna be a one session thing, as usual
>Roll up some bullshit fighter or something
>Campaign becomes our most serious and consistently played game in a long time
>World is perfect for a character I've been really wanting to play for a long time
>I would just bring in that new character, but my fighter has become kind of the main character, and the campaign is now even named after him.
It's an odd kind of suffering.

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>>50655025
I don't know about countdown dice, but unbalanced or uneven dice lead to uneven results.

>>50636809

>You need to put out

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>>50655781
>I dunno, would you rather have your players go into an autistic rage when their character dies?
Kinda, yeah. After a while of seeing characters dying without even their own creators giving a shit it gets kinda tragic. Then I wind up caring more about the characters than their own players because that kind of aftermath is just sad.

>>50655997
I play similarly but I at least like to think about their impact on the world and how they feel about the way they went out.

>>50656025
Try to mentor one of the other characters to start being a badass and get the DM to find a good time to kill you. Then come back briefly to tell him that his is the drill that will pierce the heavens.

>>50656140
>but I at least like to think about their impact on the world
I mean, yeah, it's not like I would play any character in any setting. I find who fits.

That being said, a running theme I've noticed, I tend to play very 'exotic' characters. Foreigners from far off lands, beyond the seas or the mountains. Ancient monsters and abominations. Magical constructs. Literal space aliens. Stuff like that, and they, by nature of 'foreigner' or 'other' being an intrinsic part of their character, are pretty easy to put in most settings.

>>50656214
Ah, sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't think about that stuff.

I do like the outsider characters too, they can easily serve the role of most weird setting protagonists where they don't know things so stuff can be explained to them in-character. They can be good to have around just for that. The downside is that I often see them abused as a lot of people treat their race or species as a character trait in place of any actual character traits. I'm assuming you aren't guilty of that but holy shit does that bother me every time I see it.

>>50654417
>feminine Guts
My boner says yes but my brain doesn't know.


All I really hate are:

>people who insist on playing the opposite gender so they can indulge their fetish
I'm not running a fucking ERP, stop it or the character goes away. Persist and you go away.

>General cheating/douchebaggery

>Drinking/smoking (the 420 kind) before or during game
Tried it. Heck, I felt it lent some realism when my players were in a bar and they had some beers beside them IRL. However some fucks don't know when to stop, ignore when we tell them to stop, and then are either useless or derail the whole thing. So blanket ban until I think you can actually keep from overindulging.

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>people who use mtg spindowns and then shrug it off with "whatever man" when told why NOT to use and they continue using it
>people who when told to create a character moan how they're tired and start asking others to make a character for them
>other dm in my group who has run one (1) game and hasn't run anything else in forever, forcing me to be the only dm
I just want to play

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>player invites his girl to play
>she touches me under the table, gives me the eyes
>meets with me afterwards and begs for the d
>too much of a pussy to fuck her
that was like 4 years ago and im still pissed I didn't do it
bitches love DMs

>>50636551
Might I suggest not running dnd for a political intrigue game? While I think the player's attitude is entirely uncalled for here, when you ask them to create a character that is at least 75% combat mechanics they're going to be a little disappointed when it's all just talking in accents and rolling a couple dice. There are systems designed for skill-based characters and you really ought to use them.

>>50636076
On one hand: pocketing the loot without sharing is bad shit.
On the other hand: paranoid freakout before it's confirmed to be the bad shit is bad shit by itself.

#1 thing that pisses me off is players who don't spend their time under the table.

How selfish can you be, fucking showing up every week to play and not having the decency to take your turn sucking dick.

Had a player who is infamous among my old group for being a complete asshat, not sure if any of it was intentional though it was quite clear he had some mental issues.

4e, using the character builder
>Starts playing, first game ever so I cut him some slack.
>Every time I help him with his character sheet its missing parts to fill in, missing level ups, missing gear, barely has his name in it
>Complains about being weaker than everyone, and having no combat abilities
>Retires character a long time later
>Introduces new character, named Barasol. The joke is that his characters name is a play on Bare Asshole.
>Tells me about his backstory, is an inventor with 5 brothers and 1 youngest sister.
>Goes into needless detail about his sisters fart fetish. Basically, him and his brothers would pin her under a blanket when they were little and take turns farting in there. This developed into her fart fetish apparently.
>For an npc. That they would never meet.

That game eventually dies and a year or so later we're playing pathfinder. He's completely new to this system and asks to join. The DM (Not me finally) lets him in and he says he wants to play a frontline warrior that specializes in poxes or something.
>Two players help him out and spend time crafting a disease scythe and a character that's a trip fiend
>Game time comes, the player doesn't know how to roll dice, or add damage together, or how his character even works despite a two hour coaching session beforehand.

>>50653896
Planar Shepard. Yeah, that Prestige was busted as fuuuck.

>>50654353
The DM job isn't to "win" but if it take killing off a stupid player's character to make the game fun for everyone else then you are doing your job.

I do hope you learn from it and learn how to counter it better or at the very least made house rulings on such. Letting your players break the game is just as bad as the player himself doing it.

>>50651056
>The word you're looking for is cyclopean.
I was not aware of that, thank you.

That said, I don't think it would help anon in this case since he would likely also have to explain it to his players.

>>50653757
>I've offered to talk to the guy for her, and she told me she has no idea what she would want me to say to him.
Just tell her something like "I'll figure something out"/"let me handle that". All you need is her blessing to go ahead and explain the problem.

>>50654353
I'm curious: what did the rest of the party do with the instakill murdermonsters?

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>players want you to run a game
>they don't read the rules
>they don't know the rules
>they argue your rulings

>>50657494
Let's be honest here, if you said cyclopean, the players would probably jump to the conclusion that it was built by giants or they were still there. Fancy words are only useful with context.

>>50655819
I have yet to see any evidence that spindown dice are any more or less likely to be unbalanced than any other given die.
Plus, fuck you, i use one to track the number of rounds i have left for a spell.

>>50656808
>>people who use mtg spindowns and then shrug it off with "whatever man" when told why NOT to use and they continue using it
Unless you provide the die, expecting someone to get new ones is faggotry to the 10th.

>>50657607
Who doesn't have a regular d20 that came with their poly set?

>>50657617
The half of my group that never brings their fucking dice
Fortunately I have hundreds of dice, but still.

>>50657617
People who never bought any ttrp paraphernalia and only have the mtg stuff with the spindown.

javascript:quote('50657617')
someone who lost their d20

>>50657617
Last time i had a player join they mix-matched individual dice from the FLGS, which happened to include spindown d20s for the 2 he grabbed arbitrarily.

It also had 2 identical dice to my primary set,fuck you hunter.

>>50657592
Get a glass of water and epsom salt.

Put epsom salt in water and stir

Float dice in mixture and see what side of favors.

I guarantee you spindown dice are bias.

>>50657644
>I guarantee you spindown dice are bias.
And i guarantee you every single die you own is as well. Telling me to create my own data to support your claim is asinine.

>>50657653
A chart was posted earlier. But you can always deny the facts and be like 'but my spindowns aren't bias',

Well, I can't prove that YOUR spindowns are bias. So prove it yourself.

>>50657703
>A chart was posted earlier
A chart that had nothing to do with spindowns, and only demonstrated that a bad die is less random, and that a single brand can, and does, fluctuate in quality.

There has been 0 backing up of the claim that spindowns are any more biased than any other given die.

>>50657653
Every die is biased, yes.
But the spread of the numbers on the die attempts to lessen the effect of the bias on the roll by putting both high and low numbers together, so any side its biased to will still have variance.

Spindowns put numbers together, so a favoured side will have a clump of similar numbers.

>>50657725
hello, i am not the anon you are talking with, but allow me to offer you a different perspective

a perfectly balanced spindown is not biased. however, no dice existing in reality is perfectly biased, including regular d20s obviously

the problem rest in the number distribution. if a d20 is loaded on the 20 or 1 side, it will average out to like 11 or 9, because the sides around the loaded number are evenly distributed (eg. 2, 8, and 14 for 20)

on a spindown however, a loaded die will average closer to 16 or 5 for 20 or 1, since the numbers around the loaded number are not equally distributed

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>>50657725
Is it really that hard to not be a cheap bastard and just buy a real d20?

>>50649439
I'm guilty of doing this at at least one point.

Too much WoW.

It was 4e though so it was apt

>>50657833
Is it really that hard to give away a die if YOU have an issue?

>>50657833
I like my spindown die because it 1) Has sentimental value (got it at the first somewhat major MTG tournament I ever won) and 2) Looks nice.

Oh, and I know it's somewhat weighted towards the 1 side (statistically resulting in higher roles, proven by water test) but that doesn't stop it from consistently rolling <8 on every perception rolls, and nat 1s when I'm rolling a save vs something that is likely going to kill me.

Spindowns are not significantly more biased than regular dice, that being said they're a hell of a lot easier to cheat with in such a way as to favor one side, this can even be done unintentionally if the player is some kind of retard at rolling dice.

If you have access to regular d20s you should probably use them over spindowns (mainly cause spindowns are garbage quality).

>>50657888
Jesus Christ, if you're not willing to spend <$1 to play I can only imagine how little effort you'd actually put into the game.

>>50657538
>they argue your rulings
Thankfully, my current group doesn't do that. We have a flat rule that "DM is right unless you have the page contradicting it pulled up RIGHT NOW. We can argue it after the game."

For the others: I had a DM for a while (a friend's father) who never really read the 3.5 PHB and had been playing various versions of D&D for a good 20 years by that point. As such, when he ran the game it was this horrible amalgamation of Basic, AD&D, 3.0, and 3.5. I was just learning how the play the game at the time and when I'd ask him about a rule, he'd make up something on the spot half the time.

The worst instance was a Pixie Monk I was playing. I didn't really understand the HD or level adjustment penalty. He ended up okaying a character with ungodly AC. I later got into a 1v1 boxing match with a dwarf and the DM ended up adding a bunch of rules to nerf my character (CON based fatigue rolls for long combats and crits disabling limbs) in the middle of the fight.

>>50635642
Nope. You roll when asked for a roll. That's how the fucking game works. If a player tried this shit with me I'd tell them, exactly once, I won't tolerate it.

I had a player in a roll20 game who had a habit of typo-ing rolls. I started to notice if the roll was really good, he'd just ask to make up the difference in error (like if he rolled with a +2 bonus and it should've been +3, add one to the result). If the roll was really bad, reroll it because it was a mistake. Honest.

I eventually settled it by setting a new rule. Any mistaken roll gets rerolled correctly. No exceptions. Not even if it's a simple matter of adding a forgotten +1 somewhere. If the roll isn't what's called for, it gets rerolled. I said it was a "clarification" to avoid "confusion."

>player always acts like an idiot in combat and does the worst possible action
>predictably either dies or is knocked out very quickly
>complains and then sulks by himself

Every damn time

>>50638045
I had a player do that. Very annoying

>>50657929
Money was already spent, and the die, at worst, has more clustered errors than a standard die. If you insist it isn't sufficiently random, let me have one of yours. I'm not going to stop playing to run out and get new dice because you sperg out.

>>50635642
That's because you set the precedent of "natty 20" being the INSTANT SPOTLIGHT button.


Half of this thread is DM's regretting they've trained their players to be attention whores craving for the DM's D.

Also;

Players that read /tg/ greentext stories of awesome RPG moments (Read: GM fiat, + falsehoods) and then act like youtube celebs and throw themselves into LOL-HILARIOUSNESS situations to make new EPIC FUN stories.

>lol i can also throw my brain at the boss to kill it xD

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>>50658180
You could borrow one of my dice at the table.

I still don't get why you want to use a lifecounter for a purpose it clearly wasn't designed for.

>>50658180
>Money
> 1$<
wut

>>50654046
>Is there actually a difference in randomness?
Yes. You know how every die is structured, yes? On a d6, opposite sides add up to 7. On a d8 and d10 a number and the one on its flip side always add up to the same number. They do this for a reason. Doing it any other way makes it less fair, makes it prefer some results over others.

>>50657607
Expecting someone to get normal dice to play an RPG is not faggotry in the slightest. Fuck off.

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>>50635642
>[crying, farting]
I laughed too loudly at this.

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>Player actively avoids plothooks
>acts smug about it
>ask him why he keeps doing it
>says he's "outsmarting" me
>mfw

>>50654395
>>50653757
Tell the girl to talk to the other person like a fully-grown adult. The way she's acting now is utterly childish. If you can't talk about what problem you have with someone else, you need to grow up.

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>>50658354
Oh god I hate people who do this shit.

If you didn't want to play the game then why did you come?

>>50658354
I would then proceed to engage the other players in the adventures on whose hooks they bit, while the other player sits around doing nothing, smug in the satisfaction that his character won't be endangered by any foolhardy quest or frivolous fun.

>>50657119
In situations like this I once said
>"the magical artifact is charged with meta potential and alerts you to its presence through the winds of space and time. It is now overloaded with energy and fades into nothing, ascerting itself as a powerful tool with which to scry the dimensions with. Shame it just disappeared."
I like to fix metagaming in game, and provide a disadvantage because of it. They soon learn to knock that shit off.

>>50658354
I blame henderson.

>>50636864
All three of those things are pertinent information to have, anon. What if you want to break the walls without destroying your tools, fighting weapons can give some insight into fighting technique, and knowing if you can break down a door or not is very useful to know.

>>50658293
OK, I'm curious.

Let's imagine a d6, except that instead of being
6-1
5-2
4-3

It would be

6-2
5-3
4-1

What results would this die prefer over others?

>>50658354
It's easier to have a plothook fall from the fucking sky and drag them kicking and screaming into a fun adventure in these cases. I despise railroading but it's for their own benefit.
>A holy angel falls from the sky, tells you you are the chosen one, last of a line of ancient kings, and they have been watching you. Now is the time to fulfill the ancient contract your ancestor made with heaven and defend it in it's darkest hour
>I refuse to go with the angel and run away
>It's an angel, he picks you up and flies away to heaven
Now he's in heaven and if he doesn't fight he'll die and with no character left there will literally be nothing left to do.

>>50658454
that depends on where the imbalance is
as i explained in
>>50657764
every non-theoretical die is imbalanced to some degree. non-equal distributions exaggerate the results of the imbalance

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Why not just use a cell phone based die roller app? Even programmed half-assedly it's going to be more random than practically any physical die, and it can't roll off the table.

>>50658472
Are spindown dice unbalanced to the point of statistical significance of p < .05?

>>50658488
i dont know, i dont really feel like rolling a spindown 1000 times, especially as it will differ from brand to brand

id rather just buy a $1 regular d20

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>>50658486
"Oh you did something to that so it would only roll high, don't use it."
People will always find a way to call what you do cheating.

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>>50658486
> Not rolling physical dice.

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>>50658513
Improve your life. Don't play with those people.

>>50658358
sometimes the other party refuses to talk to you back.

>>50658596
Then why are you playing with them?

>>50658426
Henderson was exceptional

>>50656844
They do at that. When I was dming, I fucked every single female player.

>>50653757
This sounds exactly like my group. Fucking drama. I am right now in this weird fucking limbo where I have no idea if two of the regulars (who are married) in my ttrp-group are mad at me, or if we're just not playing because of DM-slowness or whatever.

I've sort of tried to sound out the mood, and figure it out, and the dude of the two seems to be like "it's all good", but he's such a fucking coward with confrontations that I honestly have no idea if he'd tell me if there was a problem.

>>50658619
can't fucking stand it when people just say "its all good" or equivalents all the time when they clearly don't mean it

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Is there a D&D 3.5 discord? I can never find people to talk about D&D 3.5 with or about, especially DM's

>>>50658486
I force all my players to roll physical dice in the open. No dice - take mine. If you refuse, get the fuck out.

Had to do it when that one faggot insisted on using his phone app and would just fucking tap his screen until he got what he needed, and thought I didn't notice.

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>that guy who thinks the rulebook is a holy scripture for everything
>he can't accept that I'm not following the book for monsters
>gets mad that the Manticore doesn't have the same stats as it does in the book
>gets especially mad if I don't reveal monster stats, health, etc. even though I just spent some time describing some of its attributes which should help him understand more or less what the stats are

If you just want everything pre-set and rollplay instead of roleplay, there are plenty of videogames just for you.

>>50658685
If no option other than app was available, I'd rule it so the app must have sound enabled and if I hear more than one jingle for a dieroll, I declare it a fail.

>>50658486
1: It's easy as fuck to make an unfair dice roller.
2: It's way more fun and interesting to roll dice.

>>50649688
im guilty of this, im sorry senpai.

>>50658960
It's a lot less effort to make fixed dice.

>>50658354

A rule of my characters, and one which i try to remind other people, is that my character is over all else an adventurer. Or else he wouldn't be where we are.

Given that he is an adventurer, he is by definition *adventurous*.

Always try to get your character to do the most interesting things folks, not the most min-maxed sensible things. They may not survive as long, but what's surviving without living.

>>50658647
Giving this 12 hours, and if by then I find it doesn't exist I'm totally keen to start one.

>>50636897
reminds me of a game where i introduced 4 girls to roleplaying while one of my friend was playing aswell, after 3sessions the 4 females were plotting to try to get the guy killed in every single possible way.

>This entire thread
Players failing to understand that the point of a game is to have fun together rather than beating the monster's numbers with your numbers or hugging the spotlight at the detriment of the group.

>>50648001
Are you in my group?
Because that is a perfect description of my dude as well. I live him to death, but by the gods does he piss me off.

>>50651496
minmax, rules lawyer or rule bender, depends on what the player is trying to do at the time but they essentially try and WAAC, citing either RAW or RAI as empirical evidence that they should be allowed to do this dubious thing or another player should not be able to do this perfectly fine thing that'll slightly fuck with their plans/character/stat/strategy. It's annoying as hell and they don't notice their own hypocrisy, or if they do they don't care.

>>50657624
Yea, I have a tray of them too, no biggie if they forget. But you know what?

>Players who take the damage dice they need and keep them for the whole session.

Fuckers you get one d20 from me then you ask for others when you need them!

>>50659566
>hugging the spotlight

GM: Steve get the fuck off my ceiling.
Steve: You hurt it's feelings!
GM: Every fucking time with this Steve!

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>>50635642
>roll dice sometimes for nothing when it isn't my turn sometimes because I just fidget like that
>never try to actually use any of my fidget rolls for real and always roll proper when asked
>still feel bad because I just know it makes the GM immediately think of a That Guy

I seriously need to get one of those stupid fidget cube things or something.

>>50636137
what?

>>50659926
Now I'm wondering how a game with all the players being horror movie creatures would go.
The girl from The Exorcist throwing a hissy fit and being that girl when she's not been in the spotlight for a while.
Freddy Kreuger constantly making mentalists/enchantment based casters.
Jigsaw playing PunPun.
Hannibal Lector as one of the greatest DMs in history, the only one who can consistantly get into the player's heads.
The next campaign is CoC, it'll be a good one.

>>50637727
I had a guy like this, only he always rerolled in reality because he didn't like having consequences for his actions, and such when he would piss off enough people due to ignorance, he would just make a new character every 3rd or 4th session.

Made keeping a narrative going hard and forced me into sandboxing until I booted him.

>>50658996
Me too, but only during huge periods of downtime. If it takes someone 20 minutes to figure out how many dice they roll with their particular firing mode of their particular gun I'm going to browse the internet.

>>50659953
Buy one of those cheap dice rilling rings and just pull it out between turns to fiddle with.

Had a buddy getting over some drug issue join our game and he'd always be crazy restless when he wasn't rolling dice. He felt bad about it but none of us really cared. He ended up getting one of those rings and it calmed him down great. He's now one of my favorite players to run games for because he actually pays more attention to what's going on while he fidgets with the ring as opposed to before when he would be rolling dice or doodling on his note sheet.

>>50636160
If they've never used the skill before, I'm generally ok with that. Clearly the skill they picked instead hasn't ended up being interesting or important, so that little bit of a retcon isn't a problem.

>>50660015
>Hannibal Lector
Anthony or Mads?

>>50635589
>All players pick variant human

>>50660468
Hm, personally, I'd prefer Anthony, but I'll leave it up to you for your headcanon.

>>50660510
I remember when I tried so hard to avoid this. I once played a homebrew race of huge sentient slugs. Played a barbarian under the idea that a slug is basically one big muscle so he could beat the shit out of people easily. Didn't really bother to think how it would look though. And I can assure you an angry slug just sounds ridiculous.

>>50660510
hello me, must have forgot I posted this already

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>Satisfying the party's Diplomacy quota
>That one player who doesn't DO diplomacy
>Sits stacking his dice
>The dice tower topples
>ask what the fuck his problem is
"Oh nothing, I just find talking boring"

>>50658486
This is where you learn that really random things suck.

>>50635762
I was in a game once where I was that player. To be fair, I was still completely effective and spent most of my time in combat keeping the character I was optimized to kill from dying. I was a Druid who mostly prepared healing spells because I had to fix him up because he would always charge in, guns blazing (literally).

At one point I did have to kill him. He was possessed by a malevolent spirit and my Druid didn't realize until he slaughtered an entire community of bandits and arranged their bodies to say "FUCK YOU, RED WEASELS" because they were trying to blackmail us and he got sick of killing them off one by one whenever they came to collect our payment.

He was more pissed that it took me so long to realize that he was possessed by a lawful evil spirit. He was even more pissed off when I only realized it because he was showing more concentration and focus than usual while committing his evil deeds.

He always claimed that he wasn't chaotic evil, but I pointed out that in 3 months game time he'd: made deals with literal devils for free stuff and then immediately reneged, unleashed a demon plague on the world, come across a clone of himself and immediately murdered him in order to get extra copies of his stuff, started a war by trying to murder the Elven ambassador, and just generally caused all sorts of mayhem and destruction

>>50658762
Tell him to invest in lore so he can be briefed about some monsters according to that stat, which represents his study and experience with them.

>>50660806
Oh, wait. I misremembered something because this game was about 5 years ago. He didn't immediately murder his clone. He knocked him out, stole all his stuff, tied him up, and literally sent him to hell (tied up and unarmed)

>>player constantly avoids adventure hooks
>>instead sits around and drinks tiny flavored vodkas
>>in the last 15min of the game session decides to contribute and hogs the spotlight
just fucking die

>>same player. makes a character who flashes her enormous tits at everyone for 4 sessions straight
>>other player touches his characters tits
>>a litany of reprimands falls upon the other player, he's talking about how rape is wrong and shit

>>still the same guy
>>whenever there is an opportunity to betray the party he does it for peanuts, then seeks death by giant or commits seppuku to not deal with other player's rage and rolls another character
>>next session betrays them again for no reason nor opportunity

I ended the campaign early because of him. when I proposed to boot that asshole everyone said that we can't do that to our friend and that he is not that annoying.
>>new DM quits after one session of his shit and the group disbands forever

I hope there is a place in hell for that guy

Hey, I know you said that you said that a Nat 20 isn't an epic success at your table, but I just rolled a natural 20, and if I don't get some sort of acknowledgement for that, I'm going to kick up a fuss and refer to that one sidebar in the manual about house ruling that says a GM MAY choose to have a Nat 20 be a critical success and a Nat 1 be a critical failure.

>>50651191
The smoker in my group goes for a ten minute break before combat and then says that he has to go because he wants to meet he's dealer

>>50651191
Tobacco is a drug and smokers are fucking drug addicts.

This objective, scientific fact is inexplicably controversial. Cigarettes get an absurd amount of leeway compared to any other drug. Smoke breaks are widely accepted, but if you told your boss that you had to take a break in order to shotgun a beer you would be fired. Or smelling like cigarettes. A-OK for smokers. Try coming in to work reeking of whiskey, tell me how that works out for you. And they're fucking litterbugs. Beer cans on the ground are bad. But we don't even comment on the cigarette butts all over the place because we take smoker entitlement for granted at this point.

>>50661250
people who smoke do not get inebriated. this explains most of the leeway they get, which you are pissed of at. go back to the gym, fitbro. preach for the choir or something. leave us alone.

>>50654732
The DM is not a friggin' kindergarten teacher. Players should get their own name.

>>50661250
>Smoke breaks are widely accepted
Starting to not be. Most places I've worked at don't allow them. Of course they go do it anyway.

>what's his name?
>what's she wearing?
>what's his name?
>why aren't we leveling faster?
>can we play a level 20 campaign next?
>what's his name?
>that encounter was too easy
>that encounter was too hard
>my feet hurt
>what's his name?
>roll to seduce ;^)
>nat 20s on skill rolls should be auto success
>I want to attack the party wizard
>I shouldn't have to explain my diplomacy roll, I got a 20
>what's his name

>>50658486
I have bad experiences with people who stare at their phones missing out on stuff that's happening other players are doing.

>>50658426
God don't even remind me of Henderson. I've already had to turn away 3 people in the last month because they had an autistic shitfit over me not okaying their Not!Henderson character. If I told you fuckers 1-2 paragraph backstory, I'm not reading the fucking novel you bring in.

>>50661365
>The DM is not a friggin' kindergarten teacher. Players should get their own name.
Sure, but giving them a name is better than playing with "Gandalf". Way back in the days of middle school, I got annoyed with a player who couldn't think of a name and I had him hit random keys on a keyboard. After discarding useless clusters of consonants, the resulting name was "Glub". And given that his character was a dralasite (see pick), that didn't seem entirely inappropriate.

Another player ended up with "Denuyat" when he, after being prompted for character's name, said "dunno yet" in his (horrific) version of an English accent.

Of course, nowadays there are name online name generators, not to mention lists of names in various historical cultures. So if somebody can't come up with a name, point them at one of those.

Also "Fladnag" is "Gandalf" backwards, and while it's pretty terrible, it's still better than actually using "Gandalf".

>>50661434
>what's his name?
fucking hate the people who can't be bothered to remember a name, and its not like I go out of my way to give people long ass names, but more like one or two syllable names. Shit if you can't be bothered to remember off the bat just write the fucker down and something to remember them by.

>>50661434
>>roll to seduce ;^)
You need to have more NPCs that are on the verge of nervous breakdowns from adventurers hitting on them. See how they like those conditional modifiers.

>>I shouldn't have to explain my diplomacy roll, I got a 20
To be fair you can help explain things, guide the fucker into elaborating

>>what's his name
My groups have an accepted generic name for NPCs/places whose names don't matter or we can't think of at the moment. John Turnbuckle, resident of Turnbucklia, of the inexplicably prolific Turnbuckle clan.

>>50661752
Dude sometimes coming up with names on the spot is hard. I have trouble with it now and then too. And I'm shit at remembering names on top of that.

>>50661775
>Dude sometimes coming up with names on the spot is hard. I have trouble with it now and then too. And I'm shit at remembering names on top of that.
As part of my prep, I make lists of given and family names for the region I plan on using, so when I need a random name, I just mix and match from my lists.

>>50661808
Well shit. I need to start doing that. Good stuff!

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>DM: You've finally reached the stone tower. The wizard you're looking for is presumably at the top.
>PC: I'm gonna do a dex roll, I want to jump to the top.
>DM: You mean you're going to try scaling the tower? It looks quite old, there would be the risk of the stone bricks crumbling as you pull your-
>PC: Nah, just gonna jump up.
>DM: The tower's like 40 stories h-
>*rolls a 20*
>PC: NAT20 MEANS SUCCESS

>>50661916
I would just say the 20 represents him scaling the tower and it took a few hours.

>>50661916
Shit like this is why we just do +10 to any result with a nat 20 roll.
>Nat 20 on the jump!
>Congrats, you make it 15 feet straight up in the air. An insanely impressive feat for a human. Roll again to reduce falling damage.

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>>50661916
>First time players, exposed via shitty derivation of the game on TV shows
>"I roll to take a piss in the woods."
>"That's not how-"
>"ZOMG 20 XD WHAT HAPPENS?"
>"Uh...you uncover a silver coin with your stream, lost by the roadside."
>The players continue to roll for inane shit without my correspondence
Worst call I ever made.
And I can't believe they were still entertained by actual potty humor- not just on occasion- but forced it all the time.
One of the idiots tried to shit in an ankheg burrow before they knew what it was, I should have had him remove his armor fully before they were attacked.

>>50661351
Cigarettes do affect your behavior.
It's an addiction. The biggest effect on your behavior isn't when you're using cigarettes, it's when you aren't.

I would honestly prefer to work with a cokehead than a habitual smoker. At least cokeheads usually have the common decency to be ashamed. And in my experience they seem to be a lot more functional even when they desperately want a line.

And they don't smell. Even if cigarettes didn't affect your behavior, they still make you stink. Rubbing yourself in skunk spray doesn't affect your behavior, but it goes without saying that inflicting that stench on your coworkers is irresponsible and inconsiderate. Smokers just don't give a shit.

>>50636693
Who is rincewind

>>50662295
Sounds like you'd have a problem with people who eat spiced foods too.

But you're right we don't give a shit, generally. So fuck you.

>>50662295
who cares. we're all dying slowly, let those of the human race who want to die suffocating do that. you're not gonna change anyone's mind over the internet, nobody does.

>>50662136
Shoulda rolled for claw up his asshole is what you shoulda done, if they love stupid rolling all the time.

>>50662312
Read Diskworld

>>50662295
Most of the people I work with smoke. Most of my friends smoke, and the others do it socially, or while drinking. In my part of the country everyone has a relative who died of lung cancer. To me, the smell of Marlboros makes me think of my grandmother, a great woman whom I'll always cherish in my memories. Many enjoy the smell of cigar or pipe tobacco. I enjoy smoking a great deal myself. I don't care that I'll die early. I don't want a wife or children. I'm fine with dying of lung disease when I'm 55, because I won't have to share this planet with you anymore.

You're just a dick.

>>50658354
I hate this shit, I have a couple of players who go out of their way to do the safest, least interesting thing possible. Of course they're also the ones who will throw tantrums over what they perceive as railroading.

>>50662295
you don't actually know what a coke addict looks like or how they behave, do you.

>>50635589

>Hey look, there's a friendly NPC
>And he's not even stealing the spotlight, he's just moderately competent at whatever he's supposed to be doing.
>Cue in massive butthurt, whining
>What do you need us heroes for if the NPCs can do it all?
>Stupid shitty railroad DM, we're not here to watch your movie
>Usually then proceed to murder the NPC, often to catastrophic effect because the sorts of players who are insecure about this kind of shit are also usually too retarded to cover up their tracks.


By far the worst example of this was in a game I had a few years back.

>Monsters attacking this one village
>Not immediately clear where they're coming from.
>low level DnD
>Not enough magic to divine the location.
>Nobody in the party has track or similar skills.
>Hire an NPC ranger that I made up on the spot from the recommendation in the DMG as to how many leveled NPCs should be in a village of that size.
>2nd level ranger, not optimized to fight or anything, just follows the tracks back to the source.
>PC whining and anal annihilation that the NPC THEY FUCKING HIRED COULD DO THE JOB THEY FUCKING HIRED HIM TO DO.
>So of course they murder him, not even over the fee, just because they were buttblasted about being showed up by a 2nd level ranger doing 2nd level ranger shit.

>>50662656
What pisses me off is that I have a GM who does the absolute inverse.
There's a NPC wizard who's tagging along with the party, but they do absolutely fucking nothing unless instructed to do so. Even in combat, they just stand around like an idiot. We asked IC why they didn't help, and they said it was because nobody told them to.
We won't get butthurt about a fucking NPC taking their turn in combat, we're not children, stop making your GMPC a mindless robot damnit.

>>50662656
God, that shit's the worse. I'm sorry, man.

>>50662737
>"I'm a pacifist"
>"I'm not getting paid to fight"
These are the things hired NPCs should say when confronted about not fighting with the party. Wizards especially don't gotta do shit, since they don't even need to fight for their own survival if the party fucks up and dies. Any wizard willing to tag along with adventurers would be suicidal not to have some form of magic escape at the ready.

>>50662656
Don't have your NPCs take their shit. If the PCs start whining the NPCs can freely fuck off, possibly after leading them into the middle of nowhere.

>>50662824
I honestly don't even fucking know WHY the wizard NPC is tagging along, if they're not doing anything. They actively went to a farm overrun with zombies that we actively stated our intent to murder.

>>50662895
Oh... You might have a problem then. Either your DM is a dipshit or your party might be about to catch a serious case of explosions after you find what the wizard is looking for.

>>50641573
Thrown weapons are dealt with made by size rating.
I think its 1d10 primitive7 for size1 thrown.(like a boot) so after toughness and armour 2 and if they are super weak. You will only be doing max 3 dmg.

>>50641573
And improvised weapons. Like a lasgun bat. Are also really weak. Like without a 50+ str you wont be doing shit.
Does your dm know the rules here?

>>50662865

Usually the whining starts after the NPC does something that indicates he has enough neurons to form a synapse.

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>>50635589
>testing a system I'm working on
>players encounter a maid travelling through the same road
>maid asks for directions and continues the journey
>players want to "roll for rape"
>what.jpg
>i tell him no
>he calls me a railroading gm and attempts to lecture me on the freedom inherent to tabletop RPGs and how i'm capping his freedom by not allowing him to rape the NPC because it's what their character would do

>>50663107
just fade to black. alternatively have her want it, so it's no longer rape.

>>50635589
When one player gets bored and goes murderhobo, but everyone else is still trying to keep it sane.

I actually like running murderhobo games, but ffs there's a time and place for everything, you know?

>>50661367
It doesn't help that not-so-rarely the boss, or at least some of the people in charge, are also smokers. Official no-smoking policy doesn't much help in a situation like that. That said, smoking certainly doesn't affect one's abolity to work the way alcohol does, so it is understandable for it to be more acceptable.

>>50657587
Guy who first brought up cyclopean here, this is actually what I thought the word meant when I first came into contact with it. But I think it is a good word to use, you might need to explain it, but it carries, to me, a more ancient and mysterious connotation than "a bunch of different sized rocks pasted together."

>>50662295
Look, I agree with you but you're not going to get any love here for having an opinion that attacks people for their behavior. You're either just going to piss off smokers or moderates who don't have the same bad experiences as you. I know where you're coming from because I've had some pretty awful things happen because of smokers, including my own family prioritizing it over my wellbeing. Just don't take your crusade to /tg/. Make it a rule in your house or talk to whomever you game with and leave if they don't change it. That's all you can do.

>>50636100
Nah, just the pointier dick

Okay. As a dm, i hate when people try to make generic badasses.

One can onky handle so many Batman clones, or drzzt du'urdans or whatever the fuck. I also have a slight petpeeve toward little kids gaming without any experience , be it with family or other friends their age. I dont careabout a gamer's age, they just have to know not everything can support the character they want to play. Or go in the direction they want it.

>>50663303
To echo you, when I'm a player I will probably drop any game that's just whack-a-mole that forces my character to be interchangeable with a combat robot.

I played Pathfinder for a couple months with a great GM (top, absolutely the best) and a wonderful group. It had its moments and I was capable of separating my dislike of the Pathfinder system from what we were actually doing. The problem was, the GM asked everyone beforehand in private what they wanted to do. Me and my gf both wanted more social experiences with development but everyone else wanted a mindless, grindy, lootcrawl that never ends.

At one point, we stop on a floor with these servo bots that took care of our ails and I'm thinking "oh fuck yes, I get to roleplay and talk to someone." NOPE, the entire dungeon floor existed to give us a quest on the linear path to killing more swarms and constructs. It wasn't the GM's fault. She did really well with it all. It wasn't the players' faults, they were all genuinely good people and didn't make the experience bad. It wasn't even pathfinder's fault, despite how I hate the system. Anything can be made boring if you're just whacking your stick at generic enemies over and over.

>>50661916
DnD doesn't even have crits/auto-successes on skill checks, does it? It's all about whether you meet the DC or not. I'm assuming you're playing DnD, maybe it's some other d20 based system, but at any rate the system probably does not give every character a 5% chance to succeed at anything whatsoever. Does the player in question not know the rules at all?

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>>50635589
Everyone's been outdoors for ages during this fight
>Ok, let's just shoot the roof
Roof? What?
>Of the cave we're in?
We're not in a cave?

also

>anon you never give us an opportunity to fight enemies in dungeons
next location is a dungeon with a selection of varied fights and puzzles
>oh shit an enemy i'm gonna look for a way to leave lol

>>50663383
In my experience the best way to deal with generic badasses is to make sure all stats are usable yet random. Make them grow into their character.

I always do the 2d6+6 in order rolling method. And some of my favorite characters were born from it. But when i try to have that as my group's rolling method they all complain thaty x-stat isn't high enough to do what they want.

>>50636141
You know what also affects it's outcome? The table. That's the fucking point of rolling.

>>50661701
How do you even put together a decent backstory in two paragraphs? Rarely do I see less than two page backstories.

>>50663655
The issue is that most people go in thinking "Oh cool, D&D game. I'll play a CLASS this time!". Then you come in and announce "Random stats! You don't get to choose your class if you want to be mechanically sound!". There's nothing wrong with random stats if everybody's on the same page and you have a way to prevent "My character is Dave's character but with better stats because I rolled better" syndrome, but you absolutely 100% have to have a group that doesn't have any attachments to playing particular classes. Otherwise you're just saying they can't do what they came to.

>>50663714
Usually at the start of the game the character's life has just begun...
...damn, I have Bohemian Rhapsody stuck in my head again

>>50663728
I used to be that kind of guy . i would always play fighter or barbarian. A silent but broody type of guy who didnt say or do much but smack things.

Then came duval.

See when i first dmed we didn't have enough players. So i made a dmpc. I was just gonna do what i normally did. But then my players ordered i hold myself to the same standard as them.


Duval was a foppish streetrat of a thief and gambler. Who was charming enough to fool his way out of conflict. He had a simle backstory. But i managed to do a lot with it.

He was chaotic evil. And deffinately sadistic. But he had one line he would never step over. He was not a sexually violent person. He would torture people with a grin on his face but as a victim of sexual violence he wouldn't force that onto others

Rest assured i had a blast playing him. And the people who stick around in the campaigns i run like that usually have a shitload of fun too.

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>>50660015

>>50661916
>DM: But rolling without being asked means failure.

>>50654353
>mfw minmaxer didn't have steadfast determination

GG.

If he had steadfast determination he could never fail the roll.

>>50663988
I think he meant Call of Cthulhu, but then again these two aren't mutually exclusive. I hope he meant both.

>>50663107
>>50663203
Or have her be WAY into it, fade to black, and have him take a -5 speed penalty from walking with a limp.
>i roll for rape
>okay, she rapes you

>>50663728
>>50663655
See, I like people having to think of characters but still being competent, so I do 14+1d4 down the line, no rerolls. It's a little harsh and I've had players leave because they thought it wasn't fair, but sometime's life's tough.

>>50657607
We all have extra die, I offer mine, others offer theirs, but they just continue using the damn spindown.

>>50636141
Too bad those casinos don't know anything about probability. Have you seen those craps tables? Ridiculous, should all be rerolls.

On s more humorous note, gangster movies have made me scared to play craps, I'm afraid I'll miss the wall or something and they'll come break my kneecaps.

>>50657538
>Argue rulings
>"Did you read the rules?"
>Argue rulings
>"Did-you-read-the-rules?"
>Argue
>"Did you read the god-damn-rules?! No?"
>"Then you can't complain about it. Read the fucking rules."

>>50664256
>another game held up for 30mins because of RAW vs RAI

>>50663714
Because I don't need all the details of a person's life. How they develop during the game is more important than who they had a crush on in 3rd grade.

>>50664197
thats a bit too lenient.

See givingcharacters average or below stats givessome interesting chances to add nuance to a character.

>>50661707
M'yeah. I use Behindthename.com, pick a word, look for names with that meaning so it can be pronounced by humans and is not some bullshit sentence. Dwarves have Scandinavian names, Elves... French. Pixies? Take the name of a fruit or a plant or something.

But for the love of god, don't pick a gamer tag or Qwertyuiop89 or something. That's funny with video games, that's funny for a moment, but the joke is off after an hour and the rest of the at least 20 sessions of campaign time.

I got a player who shrugged and gave a character his own name. I told him "No, change it, seriously." The game went downhill fast anyway. I was a rookie DM and still had to learn why Chaotic Neutral was a bad idea when dealing with new players.

File: signature look of superiority to plebs.png (481KB, 553x827px) Image search: [Google]

481KB, 553x827px

>>50658647
>I can never find people to talk about D&D 3.5 with or about, especially DM's

Gee, wonder why...

>>50662352
Yep. Because people think they are entitled to extra breaks in order to add spices to their food and they come to work reeking of Tabasco.

You fucking retard

>>50646562
Social time goes for hours sometimes in my game, and we're playing 5e published adventures that are pretty combat focused.

>>50657230

Yep, that was the one, screwed up the name. Funny part is, he didn't even use the most broken plane. I guess one of the options would have allowed him to create of a bubble of, essentially, stopped time.

>>50657272

Well yeah, notice the quotes around "beaten." I had not actually set out to defeat him, I was merely trying to challenge him and the rest of the party. And this was, as I said, many many years ago; I'm a lot better at DMing now.

>>50657530

Good question. Wish I remembered. I want to say they ran in and killed them all off, but I think they might have just said fuck it and ran away from the combat.

>>50664609
Well that's how I do my spice breaks.

>>50662295
Do you need a cigarette or something?