"Shit players say" thread

>>50432700
>"an arrow strikes down the foe, leaving you..."
>i dont get this plot at all
>i roll awareness to see the archer
>wait, whats happening? should i also roll?
>Remember that game of thrones episode where...
>gm, i passed my roll
>we could kill him and some arrow does no probs, fuck gm fiat

>Social encounter going south
>Players discussing a deal, serious roleplaying dialogues
>that one dude
>"Can i roll logic to "logic my way out" of this situation?"

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>>50432700
>"as you're standing there, one of the town guards approaches you and asks you to..."
>I draw my blades!
>I roll a stealth check to hide in the crowd
>Wait, am I there? I cast charm person on the guard
>I rolled a crit on my attack roll
>Can I buy a potion from one of the vendors before this happens?

The guard literally just wanted to ask them to make way for a wagon of festival supplies

>"My character has low social stat, so he is an autist"
>several ruined social encounters later
>"Yes i deliberately ruined all of that, because that is what my char would do"

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>>50432815

>autistic screeching when passing a non-inpactful roll that nobody asked for

>warhammer 40k
>inside a continent-sized library
>there is so much books, that even ground and mountains are books
>uses a flamer to kill a oversized bookworm

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>>50432884
I see nothing wrong with this

>>50432778
>Sure, roll
1
>You drop your pants and say "Did anyone order a large salami?"
>The guard seems disinterested and says "I did, but you only brought a cocktail sausage."
>You take 5d12 social damage.

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>>50432912
Brutal

>>50432912
hearty kek

>>50432912
it's all about the technique, bud, all about the technique

When IS it okay to act during an event or should you wait until the GM describes things completely out of courtesy? What if you could have done something and by the time he's done explaining he simply tells you it's too late?

>>50433153
Depends on how the GM has envisioned it to me. If something suddenly swoops in or an archer fires an arrow at you from a hidden spot or something, the GM might just rule that there's no time to react. How we usually do it is wait until the GM is finished speaking, then ask "could I have done this?" or "Was there time to do this?" afterwards.

But never, ever interrupt the GM when they're speaking. When you sit down at a game table, you pretty much accept that the GM is the mix of group leader and God for the next three-six hours. Respect that authority or don't game

>>50432784
This physically hurt me

I feel your pain OP, my players think every character with a name or a face either is trying to kill them or has a job offering them big cash.

They also think the world is absolutely lawless and will murder random travelers and rob their wagons then call me a shit DM when a militia armed to the teeth shows uo with orders to arrest them dead or alive, and they choose to fight them.

>>50432912
F

I've been playing shadowrun with a character that's getting worse and worse with his novacoke addiction.
He's now convinced that dwarves are out to get him.

>>50435169
>He's now convinced that dwarves are out to get him

What if he's right?

>Why the barbarian is better than my monk at everything?!
Because he uses weapons and armors, that's fucking why

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Shit bad GMs say/do?

I only have one right now, last session the GM described his homebrew monsters foot alone for 5 minutes when nobody needed to know more than 'it's a kind of small dragon with large claws, no tail and it walks on two feet'. Keep the exact look to your players imagination, endless descriptions ruin the immersion the second the players get bored.
After we killed it the wizard dissected it and was kinda exited about its gory insides and the GM described those as 'nothing unusual'.

Sorry for no greentext, writing this from the shitter and got lost in thought

>>50435230
That's a legit question though. Why have a useless class?

>>50435291
To encourage system mastery.

>>50435337
No. If you have a class that's actually useless your system is shit

>>50435337
Why master a shit-tier system?

>>50435233
Make your own thread

>>50435368
>Why master a shit-tier system?
Because we're Wizards of the Coast, and our game design experience so far consists of card games where deckbuilding is an important skill.

>>50433199
I run games with the intent for players to interrupt me. I tell them this explicitly, and it actually works pretty well to keep scenes dynamic and involved.

>>50435291
Beer and pretzels gameplay design

>>50435230
But I a monk uses weapons and armors is even worse than not using them...

>>50432884
If they have that many books, then losing a few isn't a big deal.

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>you scrounge around the ancient city, finding snippets of text. You copy them into your lexocon; its a good start to understanding their language!
>You mean I don't know it perfectly yet? I have. A lexicon! It should be full and I should know it all now!
>You have a dozen hieroglyphic characters and zero translational analogues.
>That should be enough!

>>50432815
>>50432820

You can't be against this, and then argue (like a lot of fa/tg/uys) that socially inept players should be able to just roll their social stats without roleplay being taken into account.

>>50432884
Books are actually surprisingly flame retarded, unless there are any loose pages.
If stacked closely together they act more like solid wood.
Now of course if it can still catch fire, but it is not as flammable as you would initially think.

>>50435626
A flamethrower shoots burning liquid, anon.
A book, like wood, is going to torch up.

>>50435626
>books are flame retarded
>a futuristic flamethrower against piles of old books isn't a big deal
I think you're the only thing here that's flame retarded.

>>50435654
>>50435694
Flame retardant might not have been the correct word, but English is not my native language.
I was trying to convey that sufficiently stacked books don't behave like loose pieces of paper and more like solid wood.
Most people underestimated how much more difficult it is to light a solid piece of material.
You can burn steel with a match, if you make it thin enough.

>>50435943
And a FLAMER is a FLAMER. Liquid promethium! Jet fuel!
Drop it already you fuck

>>50436016
Jet fuel can't burn sanctified books.

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>>50436016

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>>50436016
Do you really think the emperor would let his precious imperial history be destroyed like that?

>>50433934
You're a shit DM not because your players are murderhobos but because you're too stupid to stop playing with murderhobos.

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>>50435230
>player-characters of equal level outclass one another in every way
>this is acceptable

You do understand what experience levels are actually meant to represent, right? Player-characters of equal level are meant to be approximately equal in terms of their overall level of power and abilities.

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>>50436252
>DnD balance
Hahahahahahajajajajajaj

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>>50435626
You just helped with my next session.

I got you man. The dude just doesnt understand it was a small fact not an argument. Im going to put a wizard fight in a giant library with a slow start to the books burning that brings about a roaring infurno as the PCs have to fight both flames and foe.

>Fighting wizard that is out to get them in his personal library
>books become possible pyres after a couple of fire balls and some time to burn.
>fight rages on through the blaze as burning sheets of paper fly around them for effect
>casters, characters, and conjured bears all burning with flames in their souls and on their skin as the seek to cut down their foes, fire in their eyes
>fire puns the whole time
>AoE and enviroment damage

>>50436390
>fire puns the whole time
The most important element

>>50435626
>books are flame retarded
>act like solid wood
>not as flammable as you think

You're very retarded.

>>50435495
Anything that incorporates the passage of time, I want my players to interrupt me. If I'm just describing what you saw as you walked in a room, let me fucking finish before you ask questions. I'll lose my train of thought and potentially forget important details.

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>>50435626
>Flame retarded

>>50436406
>you can tell his hatred for you burns hot
>his sanity: a smouldering wreck, once a man
>firey temperment is ignited
>his angery boiling over causing him to spit curses at you
>burning passion to destroy you
>his eyes a light with hatred
>your jeers and insults fan the flames of anger
>any reason his mind held, snuffed out
>you can tell you are just putting fuel on the fire
Maybe throw in some kindling puns from dark souls

>>50436758
Reading through that made me notice how high I am. I need to proof read more.

>>50436795
I guess you lit up one too many and your mind is burned out.

>>50436862
HEYOOOO

>>50433153
The Question of CAN I do something, instead of I DO this. Nothing happens until the GM says it happens. so jumping on him with multiple actions does literally nothing

>>50436862
Fug.
I dont do it often. I just went a little overboard today. Day off and all.

>>50436922
Don't worry, no one's gonna flame you for smoking up.

>>50437003
>flaming
Now Im going to have a PC find a stash of Sexy Magical Man Servant Monthly in the wizards bed chambers.

>after landing a couple hits the wizard will cackle and yell how he's on fire right now
>he may actually be on fire

That's why I GM text games
Because I would start screeching like a robot9k if someone interrupted me

>>50435527
a continent sized pile of paper on fire.
let that sink in, before replying

>>50437644
My Salamander captain on nearby shelf started nosebleeding

>player botches a roll
>that one guy at the table: ha-ha!
>player gets crit by monster
>ha-ha!
>literally anything bad happens to someone other than him
>ha-ha!
It's not even a real laugh, he just does it in this stupid mocking tone.

>>50437742
Are you playing with Nelson Muntz?

>>50437674
I play deathwatch. my salamander also is having spasms

>>50435589
"that is what my char would do" is literally that guys way of dropping allt he guilt for shit he done. ultimately, you are the one, who controls your character. you are the person that dictates his actions. if you deliberately kill team mates, robbed them, betrayed them, sabotaged their plans, because that's "what your char would do" - you are that guy.

>>50437904
"Please roll a new character that wouldn't do that."

>>50437959
i am not the gm

>>50437974
>Oh, my character killed yours, because that's what my character would do. Please roll a character who would work with the group.

>>50438158
wat?

>>50438218
Not him, but: If the DM won't rein in asshole characters at creation, take matters into your own hands.

>>50436406
The most important element would be fire, no?

>>50439061
Oxygen, actually.

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>>50432912

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>>50439393
>Oxygen, actually.
I like you.

Kek bump

>>50437959

Thanks for this. I sincerely hope I never have to use this quote.