ITT: describe your current character in a single quote

No.

"Our difference, you pilfering murderous psychopath is that I don't commit mass murder and then try to hide behind my social class to gather sympathy."

A fucking banner doesn't count as a road sign, you retarded captcha

"I know you are sad about the lost of your fleet, your Imperial Majesty, but wait until you heard the real bad news."

>>50365523
>That feel when you're forever GM so you'll never be able to participate in these threads.

"Despite all your best efforts, I still like you, and still think you can be a better person, be blessed"

>>50365677
Rules for GMs: Post favorite NPC quote

"Women have the intellect of children that is why I only lie with men"

What Is a fourteen?

See, I have set before you this day life and good, death and evil... I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse; therefore choose life.

>>50365523
"Everybody makes mistakes. People take jobs to feed their families, even when those jobs are less than morally solid. Other times people are conscripted into causes they don't support, forced to fight for evil they don't believe in. As a result, I'm giving you the next thirty seconds to abandon your post and run into the forest. This is your grace period. There will not be another."

>>50365523
"If i worried about half the things i should worry about, i'd be too busy worrying to create stuff to worry about"

>>50365523
>I may be a dumbass, I may be have some coward vibes, but I still have enough guts, spite and honor to do it! Oh, look, lolis. Bueeenoo...

File: The plan goes awry.jpg (115KB, 623x414px) Image search: [Google]

115KB, 623x414px

>>50365523
>What is your purpose behind pursuing Darksbain, the avatar of destruction?

>He owes me money.

File: d1c7400fbbc6be4805f071b6f71f6a10.jpg (99KB, 355x329px) Image search: [Google]

99KB, 355x329px

"Billy Mays here! And I can save your soul today with our new Orphan Donation Toys!"

>>50365694
"Eating children in public is kind of a crime. *sigh*"
>the local wizard then cast meteor rain on the retard

File: wew.gif (358KB, 380x284px) Image search: [Google]

358KB, 380x284px

>>50365523
>>50365629
>>50365747
>>50365749
>>50365880

>look, i know i shouldnt be complaining, i achieved my goals, i have complete dominion over the region, and last but not least i have some of my biggest opponents, your friends, at my mercy.

>and i know you are trying to stop me and thwart my plans, i really do.

>But can you, FOR ONCE!

>GIVE ME, AN ACTUAL, GODS-BE-DAMNED, CHALLENGE!

File: 1479360395454.gif (132KB, 500x600px) Image search: [Google]

132KB, 500x600px

>>50365523
>I have many reasons to help people, but do I really need even one?

He's a sweetheart.
A genocidal, trickster god tier, plotting, manipulating killer-of-gods-by-proxy, but a sweetheart.

"You have nothing to worry about, your enemies can't afford to bribe me."

File: 1456665043831.jpg (556KB, 903x1239px) Image search: [Google]

556KB, 903x1239px

>>50365523
>"Life is just a long freefall from a vagina into a grave."

"I'm not going to talk you into walking out of a camp where you've been held captive by a Dragon cult. Rescue your fucking self."

"I'm going to eat your fucking face and use garden pliers to rip your nipples off."

He's a poetic kinda guy.

"Please don't hurt me, I swear, I was tricked. I have nothing to do with these people, they halfling-napp- Oh, he's dead? HAH, SERVES YOU RIGHT, WEAKLING!"

I'm literally intelligent, nihilistic with a wicked sense of humor

>>50365523

Character at campaign start: "*sigh* Toffee, for the 27th and hopefully last time, let the nice paladin go, his armor isn't for you to eat."

Character currently: "I'm afraid to use this...i hope it works, i've never done this...oh, why couldn't i have learned some normal magic instead of this...abomination."

>>50365523
In response to "I'd like to get to know you better."
"That's my book, I got titties in one hand, and wine in the other. This is about all there is to me."

>>50365523
"Forever DM".

"I love knots!"

File: 1476238380970.jpg (16KB, 400x500px)

16KB, 400x500px

>>50366997
Greetings battle brother!

File: IMG_0326.jpg (38KB, 720x478px) Image search: [Google]

38KB, 720x478px

>>50365523
"I swear I'll do anything unspeakable things to that crystal dildo that calls itself a "god" if I have to go through every plane of existence and through every one these so-called actual gods three times, no one makes me kill myself and lives, for long anyway."

>>50365523
"Man, fuck this shit. Why do I keep letting you gringos talk me into this?"

>>50365523
>Ya know, sarge, I'm thinkin' joinin' tha Guard ta get sum meanin' to the fightin' wasn't a cleva' idea.


>Technology just WANTS TO BE FREE.

>>50365523
"I smile at her while playing my bongo drums, and tell her, '22 Charisma, baby!'"

File: me as an old man.jpg (42KB, 448x600px)

42KB, 448x600px

>>50365523
"It's not against my vows to be seduced by the dragon."

Knowledge lives at the razor's edge, between life and death!

>>50365523
"You've torn my home apart, now I'll come and get you and your's.I wonder, where do you go to when you die in Hell? Well, I guess when I get to you, time will tell."

File: Adamantine Golem.jpg (69KB, 442x651px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 442x651px

>>50365523
>"The world would be so much easier to deal with if you would all please just stop the pretense, and go back to open war with each other. Really. This peace malarkey is just ridiculous"

>>50365523
>If just a tiny delving into a dreamscape filled with daemons mind-breaks you this much, don't try salvia.

This said while using a barometer to compare the atmospheric pressure of a nightmare to the one of the real world. He's a man of science, not a balanced one.

>>50365523
"Your stupid and useless spells are as stupid as they are useless."

>>50365523
"Freeing Satan seems kind of sacrilegious, but Hank says it's okay and he's a hero so, I'm sure it'll work out."

>>50365523
"This Barovia place is horribly depressing. I wonder how I got here, and if the Devil Strahd knows who I am. If only I could remember more."

>"You are a worthless sun-ava-beech I loath to call my king. What can I do for ya?"

File: charming prince.jpg (17KB, 265x224px)

17KB, 265x224px

>>50365523
"Well done my loyal squire, great idea! Just the plan I was about to suggest!"

"Fuck you, I'm a vampire!"

>>50365694
"Bring us the debt, or we wipe away the girl!"

>>50365523
"Fuck it, I'll take the NJP if I'm wrong"

>>50365694
"Death is an inconvenience now! Nothing more! We are all...dead men walking!"

File: 1409510903514.jpg (469KB, 600x849px) Image search: [Google]

469KB, 600x849px

>I will save you, Tiny mammal!

>>50365523

" :bip-bop: "

Greg Universe, except he lives with his dad, works on motorcycles, and developed magical powers to control death and matter after he got into an accident while riding a motorcycle he unknowingly enchanted to be indestructible.

>>50365694
"I'm going to make Phandelver GREAT AGAIN"

>>50365523
"You know, if we cut down the gunner's seat and bump the CROWS mount over to the side, I think we can turn the command hatch into another turret ring."

File: Motivator-Paladin.jpg (49KB, 600x750px) Image search: [Google]

49KB, 600x750px

pretty much this, warned my party by sending this image that yes i'm playing a paladin, and no i will not leave the orphans behind to burn in the fire because "taking them all back to town will be a paaaaain"

>>50365523
"They say home is where you hang your hat! Well, here's my hat! I've lain it! Now I can't abandon my home!"

"The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.""

File: concern.jpg (170KB, 841x863px) Image search: [Google]

170KB, 841x863px

"This is a Shit Plan. This is a Shit Plan, because it's obviously a Shit Plan"

"You know what? Fuck this. I'm a mercenary not a philosophy major, and neither I nor my coworkers have the time or patients for this shit. Now pay the fucking bill."

>>50365523
"I swear, the instant the world is saved I'm never talking to you fucks again."

>>50370040
Context?

"Pass the M1, please"

"I wouldn't expect a human to understand. I've been working the land before you were even in your mother's womb. This castle is haunted. The grass tells me so."

"I... uh... THAT'S your plan? Wow... now I'm not saying that we CANT do that per se... but I'm pretty sure that at least one of us isn't going to walk away with all our limbs."
Or alternatively,
"I don't mind having a boss, or even just some asshole telling me what to do, but you had better practice what you preach, bitch

>>50365523
>"You know those awful things that happen in Africa that nice people like you are supposed to be informed about and give money to fix?

>"It was me. I did all those terrible things."

>>50370129
Best one in the thread so far.

"Now, sport, I don't believe I've given you the pleasure of making my acquaintance. The names Richard Flagg, also known as Reginald Fortangler or Rupert Finnigan in the South. Perhaps you've heard of Rickart Farce in the European Colonies. How do you do?"

>>50372621
I'm onto you Walter.

>>50372688
Dat glorious feel when no one in your play group understands the reference your making with your character.

tower junkie?

File: IT WAS ME, BARRY.jpg (555KB, 1911x1110px) Image search: [Google]

555KB, 1911x1110px

>>50372558

>>50365523
"We all have our place in Lord's plan. The common people are his flock, the clergy are the shepherds that keep the sheep from getting stray, from falling victim to the wolves, and then there's couple hounds that run after the wolves to tear their throats out. I'm one such a hound. Good shepherd will know I'm no danger to the sheep. I only chase the wolves."

File: tumblr_ndu0q82yuZ1tzqkfdo2_1280.jpg (56KB, 550x810px) Image search: [Google]

56KB, 550x810px

"What the fuck does the munitorum pay you for you damn moustaches!?"
"What is this pay you speak of sarge?"
Space cossacks are pretty great.

"Freedom without limits is just a word."

No offense but almost every quote here sounds like it's trying to be written by Joss Whedon or Neil Gaiman

>>50365523

"I don't do well in enclosed spaces!"

File: steins22.jpg (225KB, 1920x1200px)

225KB, 1920x1200px

"Science is how I tell the world 'I love you.'"

>>50365540
What's the first rule of comedy?

"Yes, and...?"

"See what did I tell you. A whole lot of problems go away if you're willing to sit down and talk with people."

>>50365523
"If you don't stop messing with us I'm gonna eat you!"

"The things you consider natural aren't natural to everybody else. I don't care how easy you think it is to cook, killing things is easier for me."

*coding intensifies*

>>50372785
This comparison pleases me.

"I have a massive penis"

>FUCK YOU DEMON MAN

"Legends says that he raped his own mother to concive himself"

Aside - "If we truly have traveled back in time, we mustn't do anything to alter our own..."
To the townsfolk - "My name is Tits McGee."

"C-c-could you stop staring at me..."

"I've run this gig before. Please don't try to use my own tricks on me. It isn't going to work."

"STOP!"*crunch*"BEING!"*crunch*"EVIL!"

>"Fräulein Doktor, i dont think a human being is supposed to act like this"

File: 1474876539102.jpg (142KB, 623x414px) Image search: [Google]

142KB, 623x414px

>>50365523
My current:
>"I'm a professional"
My favorite:
>"I locked him inside a desk"

I live by the Emperor's will, and will die when he permits it.

>>50372935
So you're character is a media critic?

>>50365523
"It's easier done than said"

One of my favourites from an old Robotch game.
The SDF1 had undergone a coup and Internal Security was (trying) to run the show.
The Head of InSec had cornered the party /squad in one of the Med Bays.
*where* doctors had begun brain surgery on my character.
They had been told "he dies - you die" and had changed their minds about letting me pass.
While a doctor and nurse worked on undoing the damage a fight was going on.
My friend Chris when asked by the cocky villain if he had any last words.
Chris said "I do. You die last."
More shooting ensued.
2 of our side were unconscious and all but the head of Security was left on the other side.
I had been rolling for about half the fight each round to wake up.
I finally did and unsure exactly of what I was doing picked up a pistol and made a called shot on the bad guy.
Rolled a natural 30 (we actually had a 30 sided die.)
They died last.
It was so ludicrous and so damned fun.

> I'm buying you a first class ticket for the $#!% train to $#!%ville.

I use an app on my phone for the bleep sound effect.

>>50373746
Healslut?

Currently DM'ing for the following players
> "IF YOU NOT HELP ME, I HIT YOU WITH FISH"
>"I would have helped you if you didn't steal my shit yesterday."
and
>"I loot the twenty griffins I just killed."

Diapers in fog

"Ain't no such thing friends here. Only thing that is real is the money and the miles."

>>50371943

Was that an ECON joke?

"your destiny is calling to you, but it calls collect. Do you accept the charges?"

>"I'm the designated point man because I'm an expert in infiltration tactics, demolition and short range firefights, and because I like rough burly guys watching my rear."

>>50374158
Crab Truckers?

>>50365523
"Hey boss, are HTR teams dangerous? Because there's like two of them right here."

>>50365523
"Look, I punch them, they explode. If they don't, I punch harder. That's how my gigs usually go, and I wouldn't want it any other way. Now, would you let a girl have some fun?"

Two characters:
>Sorry, could you hold still please? I'm not quite sure how this spell works.
>Don't touch me, filth!

"I didn't make it to my age in this line of work by being the fastest or the strongest or the smartest. I made it this far by being the hardest to kill. If that doesn't worry you then you really aren't worth my time"

>>50374162
As much as I wish I could play a game involving the money supply, no. I was asking for a Garand.

>>50365523
'ANYONE WHO ISN'T A PRACTICER OF MY RELIGION MUST ACCEPT A BATTLE-AXE TO THE FACE'

>>50365523
>"As our paths part, let me give you the name by which I will remember you: [translates roughly as 'Light of my stars']"

"Don't worry little girl, we're going on an adventure!"

Is this has poisonous?
*deep breath*
Yep, that's poison.
YS ATUN VRAMA PRESH.
THE KING SURVIVES ALL PAIN.

File: good-job35 watermark.gif (480KB, 275x305px)

480KB, 275x305px

>>50366602
>>50366644
>>50369445
>>50370129
>>50371570
Top tier

"I'm not nice. I'm just cultivating character witnesses."

File: annoyed_lemmy_kilmister.gif (4MB, 400x267px) Image search: [Google]

4MB, 400x267px

>>50377415
>Top tier
>includes this trash edgy trash
>>50366644

>>50377450
It's so hilariously edgy I assume it was done on purpose

"I'm not buying a slave, I'm buying a friend."

File: 10 bravery.jpg (42KB, 407x405px) Image search: [Google]

42KB, 407x405px

>>50365523
"I'm sure at some point if we keep going we'll figure out what we're actually supposed to be doing."

>>50369980
You! I like you.

File: Resized_20161015_213748.jpg (72KB, 606x1080px) Image search: [Google]

72KB, 606x1080px

If you're saying that you will kill me over this you better be able to back it up, they don't call me "The Danger" for nothing.

>See, I've been in many life-or-death situations, and what I've learnt is: dignity is NOTHING compared to your life. Endless mockery is much better than dying.

"You know... I'm not a man of peace, I have never been. I am a soldier and I have killed. But maybe this time... this time we can let them live ?"

>>50365523

"Hah, DDoSsed their site without even tanking my porn downloads! Voxel, remind me to buy you that new SSD thing once the job is over!"

"We need artillery support on our position NOW! What do you mean by "danger close"?! Aim better!"

This is one of my Player's:
"I come silent like a shadow and sudden like the cold"
At first it was kinda serious, now it's a meme because of the excessive amount of charging the enemies and shouting after every single strike
[/spoiler]He's a Half Orc Barbarian

>>50366997
>>50367013
"Take the knot!"

>>50365523
"Often times I wonder what it would be like to eat. Then I remember what humans do after eating and I stop wanting to know. Some things just aren't worth the price of admission. Like aging, or needing to breathe."

"You have a magical artifact that can bring back the dead for basically peanuts, and you're NOT using it on people?"

>>50365523
> "This reminds me of my high-school years."
Mostly said when committing petty crimes.

>>50365523
>"i can fuck female witches but can't hit a single blow with my one handed-sword."

>"Consider the angle, weigh the odds, do what you need to do - get back to me when you agree."

"Look, I was...what's the doctor version of Disbarred again? Whatever, I was doctor-disbarred for a reason, now hold still and let me do this surgery."

>>50365523
"I fucking hate these people."

>>50365694
>Error. Please define "waifu".

Spooky scary skeletons send shivers down your spine.

"I don't care how big the ants are, atom bombs are what got us into this mess in the first place!"

"I never learned about this in school. Uh... *casts burning hands*"

It's so edgy you might hurt yourself reading it, but...

>"My deeds are written in blood. Yours will make the finest chapter yet!"

>>50365523
"Fuckin' wizards."

Since I'm playing a few simultaneously:

>"Harley Quinn is a fucking hack, she's like the me who discovered the pastel box rather than the shading charcoal."

>"I respected you! I thought you were beautiful! I even thought, with enough time, we'd come to understand that we're not monsters! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF?!"

>"Well, you guys took your god-damned time."

>"It's something like this: We all died, except we're all in purgatory rather than heaven or hell, and God has a zipper fetish."

>Because daddy told me to be a good little toy soldier. So you know, suck it.

>>50365523
>It's all about me

"We now call to order the triumvirate of getting these two motherfuckers out of my head. Todays agenda will be getting you two out of my head."

>>50365540
My man

>>50383300
Love it haha

>"That could have gone better. But hey! Also could have gone worse."

>"Did I do that?"

>"Look on the brightside, guys. Sparky's looking a whole lot more aerodynamic and we got a new door."

>"Okay! If you need me I'll be blubbering in the corner."

>"Are you kidding? I know he ain't human, but old folks love me! What is the guy, like a thousand? Wait, two thousand? Sweet, even better. Let me do the talking."

File: 1475945089698.jpg (194KB, 609x749px) Image search: [Google]

194KB, 609x749px

>>50365523
"Ya I mean there might be something bad behind this door, but there could be cool shit too"

I accidentally released necrons into the sector because of this

>>50365523
"Emperor's ears, I love being a devastator."
*CHOOM CHOOM CHOOM CHOOM*

>"The only real power comes out of a long rifle"

>>50365523
"You wizards think too much."

>"I'm down for whatever as long as I don't have to take my sunnies off."

>>50365694
"Hmm, ok, that's interesting... CONE OF COLD"

>>50384090
That's good

"I want to believe I'm more than just the custodian of the last living legacy of our betrayed consilium...but lately I've started to think that if that's all I can manage to be, that isn't such a bad way to live. One good thing carried on into a new age...that's one more thing than a lot of good people can claim, isn't it?"

"Let me take you where you need to go, my friend."

"All of the magic in the world, and you don't have not an ounce of wisdom for how to use it. You'll hang, but it's not for me to tie the noose - I'll just keep handing you the rope until you're ready to do the job yourself, mate."

"I'm not a killer, and you shouldn't be either. It'll be a lonely ship once you've kicked everyone off the boat."

>>50374082
I had a robotech game on the SDF1.

He was an engineer who rolled max for the social stat, so all he did was change headlights, complain over the radio, and try to hide his pet ferret. He had almost stuffed missiles onto a shuttle so he could participate in battles when the game was dropped.

>"No, fuck you, if anyone is going to survive the apocalypse on the moon it's going to be the goddamn wizard! Now flip the coin so we can finally choose our form of heavenly obliteration."

>"That wasn't a good fight, I'm still alive.

>"Surprise, cunt!"

>"As it would happen, my cultists make for discreet, and profitable, drug mules. Well, when they aren't overindulging in the "holy sacraments", that is."

>Yarrr, I be a halfling pirate.
>Not a human child pretending to be a pirate
>Totally unrelated to that guy looking for his missing child
>If I wasn't a pirate, how would I know all these sea shanties?
>Of course I have a first mate
>He just lives in Canada. You wouldn't know him

>>50365694
"Listen, if you've got a better plan, I'm willing to accept a break of fifty seconds for you to provide it to me written in latin, minimum of two pages, no double spaces, signed and dated, and provided in triplicate alongside references and a legalistic geas binding you to said plan, otherwise I'm affraid that it's simply more efficient to shoot this child."

>>50373228
Comedy also needs to be funny.

>>50365523
>Heads will roll if you ain't a Gnoll

Gnoll manhunter in a monster campaign witb a serious grudge against humans, elves, dwarves, and anything else that isn't obviously monstrous

>>50387362
>militant furries

Keep your fetishes out of my game, sicko.

''Okay, jeez, I fucked up and all those people died because of me, allegedly, but I really couldn't have done anything about it and to be honest, it turned out for the best in the end.''

>>50378240
That reminds me of Rincewind. I remember him saying how there is no cause worth dieing because you can find 5 more causes around every corner and you only have one life.

>>50365694
Player character, trying to distract the BBEG: "How about a show match for your favour, to see who is the most skilled with a sword in the land?"
BBEG: "No need, I already know it is I."

>>50365523

>"I... saw that this was a possibility, but I'm surprised that this is the path we're taking.

Moderately straight-laced diviner in a Dark Heresy game, recently attached to the inquisitor's "fuck shit up" squad.

>>50365523
"I have everything you need and I don't accept any responsibility or refunds."

>>50365523
"I didn't study espionage and infiltration to be this bitch's beautician."

>>50365523
"I am soldier. I fight for country so others don't. I die for country so others don't. Is simple. Is life."

>>50365523
"Please, 'assassin' is such an ugly term. I prefer 'consulting executioner'."

>>50365523
"Listen, this is all a big misunderstanding!"

File: 1HVaxtR.jpg (215KB, 1680x1050px) Image search: [Google]

215KB, 1680x1050px

>>50365523
"You fucked up."

>"Eyy, Nico! Do you want to go bowling?"

>>50384090
>Oh this, it's a Necromunda-Patern chainsword, why yes it also has a combi flamer too

>>50390905
Necromunda did not have chainswords with combi-flamer.
It did have eviscerators with combi-flamer though.

>nobody replies to anyone else
These threads are so lonely