>Meanwhile in joint imperial guard taskforce /tg/

>>50357916
THE MAJORITY OF THESE HOLT TEXTS DESCRIBE THE INNER WORKINGS OF FICTIONAL CHARACTER'S GENITALIA INTERSPERSED WITH ASSORTED FELINE IMAGERY.

>>50357937

Were you buying shit from Catachan Steve again?

>>50357970
NO, THE STATEMENT WAS IN REFERENCE TO COMMON USAGE OF THE DEVICE DEPICTED IN THE CENTER OF CROWD IMAGED.

THERE IS AN INORDINATE AMOUNT EROTICA CENTERED AROUND THE FALSE EXPLOITS OF FALSE PEOPLE.

ALL I SEE THAT IS REAL ARE FELINES, EACH OF WHICH SEEMS TO HAIL FROM WILDLY DIFFERENT BREEDS.

A PARTICULARLY POPULAR ONE SEEMS TO POSSES A NEAUTRAL EXPRESSION NORMALLY INDICATIVE OF DISINTEREST AND ANNOYANCE AS WELL AS OTHER ASSORTED STATES OF BEING IN LINE WITH THE AFOREMENTIONED NEGATIVE CONNOTATIONS.

>>50357937
>>50358097
Why did we give the cogboy porn, again?

>>50358135
Because ever since that one smart Ratling got too smart for his own good and deserted the cogboy is the only one who can operate the damn thing.

>>50358135
SUCH A THING IS UNNECESSARY AS IT MAY BE FOUND ACCIDENTALLY IN ABUNDANCE.

just gonna go out and say that I'm not a cultist and that I did not summon a Pink Horror in a basement, and that it's definitely not going to light the joint up with warpfire.

>>50358199
What? Hob deserted? By the Emperor, who's running the "market" now?

>>50358338
YOU ARE MOST LIKELY CORRECT IN THIS STATEMENT GIVEN THAT FLAMERS OF TZEENTCH ARE THE DAEMONS WHOSE SUMMONING IS MOST LIKELY TO RESULT IN THAT OUTCOME.

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Alright lads are ye man enough to pull off a cadian classic?

The 1st regiment to panty raid the Soritas detachment near us is proven to be the best

>>50358544
The joke's on you. The Devils raided the bolter bitches a week ago. It got...messy.

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>>50358544

HA! We raided them already Cadian fags

Though we ran into some Catachans and in classic Elysian fashion things took a turn for the worse

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>>50358544
Although there are many ways to go about succeeding in this endeavor, I can not think of any way in which translates to battlefield efficiency. The closest I can think of would be infiltration, but this is a skill only useful for individuals filling a specific niche within the operation structure. For what purpose is this effort proposed?

Why the fuck is there a Daemonette behind me?

>>50358838

Relic acquisition

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>>50358544

Ha you fellas aint lived till you pull off a panty raid on some good ol' lady Catachans.


they actually do not wear panties and the bra section was filled with booby traps

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>>50358859
Relic Acquisition is under the jurisdiction of the Adeptus Mechanicus or, if they are present, the Inquisition, according to Code 34117 of the Imperial Guardsmen's Primer.

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>>50358857
You may want to have that checked out, preferably in the nearest armory.

>>50358859
For what purpose do our allies hoard a relic? This sounds of grave import, and this situation carries the stench of greed and self-serving heretical ways. Hindrance of ongoing efforts, especially by the refusal to relinquish seemingly important artifacts, is sin.

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>>50358951
Come now, comrade. Why not let the kids have their little wargames. It keeps them sharp, and keeps them happy.

HALLO. KAN I HAVE A POTATO PLEZE??????????????????????
I GIVE FOR POTATO DIS TINY SMOKE STICK

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>>50359030
War...games?

Pardon me Commissar, but you seem to have said two words that don't make sense together. I believe that is known as an... oxymoron.

>>50359043
Hey boys, Vladdie got into Steve's stash again. What should we do with him this time?

>Catachans
>white

>he doesn't want to steal their panties

being gay is heretical

>>50358922
>a panty raid on some good ol' lady Catachans.

Good lord.

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>>50359050
My understanding is that such is the common term for combat drills.

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>>50359050

You Korpsmen scare the ever living fuck out of me and your impressive warriors.


but fuck you fellows need to get laid

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>>50359097

and you Catachans are undisciplined hooligans who wear inadequate armor,scream obscene phrases, and rely on degenerate abhumans.

>>50359065
I dunno. Make sure Steve will hide his shit better? I mean, even if an ogryn can find your stash, it tell about something.

Guys I fucked up. Just sent half a platoon to their deaths. I knew I shouldn't have been promoted to junior officer.

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>>50359091
Ah. Seems a strange term, but I suppose drills rarely come into play in combat drills. That is, unless you're from one of the subterranean assault regiments.

>>50359097
I am currently laying down, Catachan, as per the 5 minutes allotted for rest.

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>>50359160
What, only half a platoon? Where I come from, we lose that many people on the way to the mess.

>>50359160
Just half of platoon? I call it a huge success.

>>50359132
Yeah my six pack ab-humans son.

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>>50359132
I highly resent that statement. You don't have a shred of evidence that we're degenerates...that would be admissible before an arbitrator.

there could be an ork hiding among us, and we would never even know.

>>50359278
Come to think of it... have you ever seen a purple ork?

>>50359190
Where I come from, maps and compasses are standard issue. Are we at the front line? I'm not sure if I'm in the right trench.

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>>50359132

Skely man wez abhomuns are detreiment?

Iz thougt mez BONE'EAD do hicky makes wez ogryn better?

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>>50359299

>>50359292
I've seen a few large purple guardsmen by the armoury, but no orks so far.

>>50359315
Oh fuck, not again. Do I head north towards the sound of screaming and lasfire or south towards the sound of chanting and bolterfire?

>>50359327
That's reassuring.

>>50359160

>50% death rate at Platoon level

Outstanding, soldier! Truly the Emperor must favor you. I will recommend your promotion immediately.

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Who'd like some tea, lads? I've made my special blend, and I promise you'll all enjoy it.

>>50359361
That depends. How do you feel about getting burned alive?

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>>50359390

Alright you chuckle fucks

Lets settle this once and for all who is the best Commissar?

>>50359190
>>50359202
>>50359388
We lost 50 men to capture a hill.
Is this what the Emperor would want us to do? Is capturing a piece of rock for the ambitions and dreams of 50 men the best we can do?

>>50359427
Well chap, I'd have to say Yarrick. But that's just my opinion.

>>50359390
Tea is NOT a part of a guardsman's standard kit. Consumption of beverages in a warzone that have not been issued or sanctioned by the astra militarum is against REGULATIONS. CEASE AND DESIST, POORLY TOOTHED RULE-BREAKER!

>>50359427
I'm only somewhat well versed in knowledge pertaining to Cain, Yarrick, and Fuklaw.

Please inform me about the other two. Green looks ready to 1v1 some anime protag to death.

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>>50359434
That's a good day in the Guard! In the time it took those fifty men to die, billions more were born!

>>50359402
I'd be okay with getting burned alive so long as I don't burn to death.
On second thoughts I might stick in this trench, if anyone asks I'm the reinforcements.

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>>50359448

Green is Ghuant

and blue is the OG named commissar Holt

>>50359434

>Only 50 men and you captured a whole hill

MAKE THIS MAN A GENERAL

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>>50359444

>>50359427

Im a Catachan though and though but Yarrick hands down

>>50359455

This is the designated anti-Nurgle trench, we are dealing with the Plague Zombies right now. Glad to have you aboard, soldier, we could really use the- AGGDGDSGFJD:SLFKJDS FSDF OH GOD IT HURTS AGDSGDGFDGGDSF SDGDSGSD SHOOOOOTTTTTTTT MEEEEEEEEEEEE

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>>50359447
Tea is part of the regulation kit for us Praetorians. Finest in all of the Imperium too. Of course the most disciplined and well dressed regiment in the guard will have the best beverages, lad.

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>>50359484

Do you want me to being up the massacre at big Toof river?

>>50359473
*BLAM BLAM BLAMMITY FUCKIN BLAM*
WHY WON'T THE SARGE DIE!

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ELYSIANS ARE PUSSIES

>>50359434
Stop bitching and get to digging; now you have to hold that hill until reinforcements come.

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>>50359484
With all due respect Captain SIR! It is patently obvious the Mordian regiments are the best dressed here, SIR!

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>>50358544
> Having to raid for panties

Honestly, it sounds like it could be fun but we just can't muster up the enthusiasm for it anymore.

Just another day as an artilleryman in the 501st Basilisk.

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>>50359520

I cant hear you over our sentinels with melta guns

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>>50359523
Ha! What're you on about soldier, we ARE the reinforcements! Now finish off the sergeant before he finishes off that recruit

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ALRIGHT WHICH ONE OF YOU FLESHBAGS STOLE IT.


WHERE IS MY SPECIAL HOLY ADMECH RELIC

>>50359514
A tragedy, truly. May I remind you of what happened with the Dark Eldar on Belmos VII?
>>50359525
Guardsman, your regiment does not even issue you a helmet. While I respect my Mordian brothers in arms more than most other regiments, you must admit that that's a bit silly. Keep that cranium protected, lass.

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Yo yo yo, is this the recruitment office for The Cult?

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>>50359614

The Imperial Cult?

of course of course

>>50359427
How is this even a question? Only two of those Commissars even care if you live or die. One of them is living in disgrace and the other is the Hero of the Imperium!

>>50359525
You Mordians are the best dressed, but it's a close thing. It's the formations that seal it for you.

>>50359427
None of them.

Commissar Lord Bernn, motherfucker.

>>50359586
Did you check your other set of Dendrites?

Getting really sick of this shit. "Where's my treads?" You bolted them to a guardsmen who got left outside your workshop while waiting to be triaged by medical.

For gods sakes, he was blinded by an IED, his legs were fucking fine.

I honestly don't know if you left him his dick as some sort of last glimmer of humanity on your part, or because you didn't have a robocock to replace it with that would auto-lube his new treads.

>>50359630
Oh fuck yes.

https://youtu.be/nb6cSEI1FLk

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>>50359586
Well, if I were so pressed I'd say it was one of them Elysian types. You know how they are - can't leave anything around em!

>>50359629
Oh shit, wait. Opinion retracted, Commissar Holt is there. Commissar Holt is the entire reason I joined up.

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PSSSST

Do you kids want some Chaos?

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>>50359662
Heeeeeeeeey, is that a heretic I smeeeeeeeeeeeeeell?!

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>>50359662
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kiA_wC01KKo

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>>50359662

Let me get this straight the cogboys block all the Imperial Church approved porn voxs but somehow let chaos hereticposters though?

>>50359694
DO NOT BLAME TECH SUPPORT FOR FAULTS IN THE PRESET SCREENING PROCESS. TAKE THIS COMPLAINT UP WITH THE INDIVIDUALS IN CHARGE OF MAINTAINING THE CAMP PERIMETER OR, PERHAPS MOST REALISTICALLY, SEND A KRIEG QUARTERMASTER TO COLLECT THEIR UNUSED GEAR.

>>50359687
Oh shit, the bolter bitches finished cleaning the southern trench!

>>50359761
Wait, was the southern trench our trench or the enemies trench?

Oh fuck, they followed the heretic!

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>>50359687
Bitch you ain't foolin nobody, everybody knows you craze the D, it's why Sisters get ravaged so often.

HALLO. THIS PURPL GRIN MAN GIVE POTATO. HE ASK LOOK FOR TEEFS
ANYONE SAW TEEFS?!!?!?

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>>50359801
Good point. ALRIGHT LADIES, LET'S SHOW THE BOLTER BITCHES HOW TO USE A FLAMER!

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>>50359554
YOU FUCKS CAN'T HEAR AT ALL CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN MASSACRED IN EVERY SINGLE ENGAGEMENT YOU'VE UNDERTAKEN

>>50359687
IT WOULD APPEAR THAT I AM LOSING MY GRIP ON MY LONG, THIN, CYLINDRICAL PASTA NOODLES COMPRISED OF SEMOLINA/FLOUR AND WATER. THE FOOD IN QUESTION IS GENERALLY COUPLED WITH A TOMATO-PASTE BASED SAUCE, SOMETIMES WITH ALTERED RECIPES MANY OF WHICH FEATURE THE INCLUSION OF WINE. THE PROCESS OF MAKING THE SAUCE RENDERS THE ALCOHOL WORTHLESS IN THE PURSUIT OF A DRUNKEN STATE OF BEING, BUT RESULTS IN A PARTICULARLY DELIGHTFUL TASTE WHEN PAIRED WITH ASSORTED SPICED SAUSAGE MEATS.

>>50359819
GIVEN THEIR RELIGIOUS ADHERENCE TO THE THE "HOLY TRINITY" OF WEAPONS I AM SURE THEY ARE MORE THAN CAPABLE WITH THE WEAPON, WITH THEIR ABILITY MOST LIKELY BORDERING ON MASTERY. THEY ARE ALSO SUPER COOL.

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Rolled 4 (1d6)

>>50359819
Your flamer can't touch my 2+

Rolled 3 (1d6)

>>50359870
WAAAAAAGH!!!
I mean, FOR THE EMPEROR, good chaps!

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Rolled 6 (1d6)

>>50359907
I AM A CHILD OF DARKNESS

YOUR FLAMES SHALL SUFFOCATE IN MY PRESENCE, FOR I AM THE SHADOW

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*By the...* Here to clean up after you filthy pi-sirs...

>>50359427
Gotta be Gaunt or Cain. Like, I would have a hard time picking between them. It would be an honor to serve under either.

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>>50360503
Well why don't I go ahead and just whip out my lasgun for you to clean? Might not be the biggest right now, but it'll grow longer - and it's pretty powerful, not a single shot wasted. Could empty whole magazines before I need to let it cool.

Be careful with that folding stock - it's shoddy work, but I can't go and have it snapping again before the next Ork attack.

>>50359631
my sides

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>>50360682
Sure, just after I help Sister Crushia finish cooking breakfast for the commissar. These eggs need her strong, vice grip to smash those shells against the pan.

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OY! I JUS FOUN OUT IF I HIT DA SWITCHY THING ON MY THUDDIN' STICK IT MAKES A BIG BOOM! PRAISE DA EMPERAH! WAT WILL HE TINK OF NEXT?!

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Hey, Fenrisian ale is supposed to be deadly for normal humans, right? I have drinked it, and it is not even close to Valhallan pattern amasec.

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>>50357916
wry

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The lack of discipline in this thread is intolerable. Let's see...half of you get the Emperor's peace, half of you get whipped. That'll switch things up a bit.

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>>50364210
Right...hey, commissar, do you think that should get the Emperor's peace? (points behind him)