Things NPCs say behind the party's back.

>>50245324
>I heard he took Toughness as a Fighter.

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>>50245324
>"Hah, they thought they were the only ones in the entire world who could use magic."

But seriously, it amazes me how often players become dumbfounded when an enemy uses charms or illusion on them, despite them doing ALL THE TIME to NPCs. Apparently anything that's not blasty magic or summoning is some sort of sacred taboo that NPCs aren't supposed to be able to indulge in ever.

>>50245324
>"What kind of name is Talathut'ara K'ahlood'ang Jjandar? Is his father the DMPC"

>>50245324
Yo know they're planing to kill us right?

>"Ah, fair travelers! I was hoping you could help me with a rat problem?"

>>50245324
I swear i will stab the Wizard.

>>50245324
"what a bunch of crazies. Nice ass on that one though."

>>50245324
>ha! Idiot paid a gold for just one apple! What a maroon!

>>50245324
"Fool! That wasn't my strongest potion! My strongest potion could kill a dragon!"

"I feel violated"

>>50245324
> I want the Dark Lord back. Sure, he was tough, but at least trains ran on time.

>>50245324
>sneak attack!

"I should probably report these mentally ill folk to the town guard, also who is Donald trump?"

>Swear to Lathander, there I am in the fucking slave-pens, kidnapped by orcs
>these fuckers roll in, murder everyone in sight, then let us out and start questioning us.
>I tell them which corridor leads to the warchiefs throneroom
>They have a fucking 45 minute brainstorming session about how to kill him, or whether to go outside and have a nap first
>1 person mentions getting hostages out, and the others just talk right over him. There are two dozen of us. Bleeding, man. Malnourished.
>They fucking kill the warchief like its nothing, two of them go down with the worst fucking trauma I've ever seen a person survive.
>The priest guy goes over and slaps them awake
>They start casually discussing who gets his axe.

>>50245324
>First they smear rats all over my stock, then they just leave!

>>50245324
I can't believe they agreed to wipe out the bandit camp for 20c and a pair of leather gloves.

>>50245324
>If he slaps my bar maid's ass one more time, I'm dropping a baleful polymorph on him and see how he likes being a mouse.

>>50247389
>So can you please let us out of these cages?
>It's been two weeks since that happened.

>>50247482
Murder is its own reward

>>50245324
>"If that bard asks me to reduce my prices by playing his mandolin one more time I'm gonna shove it up his ass"

>>50245324
>So, a barbarian, a warlock, and a cleric walk into a bar...

>>50245324
You know, there's no threat to the kingdom. The king just said that in order to stop them from killing the rest of us.

man I love these threads

>>50246353
Sounds like you play with some shit people.

>>50245324
Drew, it's been half a day. Where's our new prompt?

"You ever feel nervous when talking to adventurers?"
"Sort of, now that you mention it. I wonder why?"
"They always look like they are ready to kill you but they might also try to convince you to do something stupid and then you somehow magically agree to go along with it."

Maybe we didn't agree with everything the corrupt baron did, but at least he said it like it was, and he was tough on orc crime.

>>50245324
"That druid fucks the Ranger's wolf, I just know it."

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Totally useless spells the wizard prepares every day

>>50247410
2/10 Would not recommend

>>50250014
Torvald's Hardening Shaft. It's not like he gets laid anyway.

>>50245324
It's not gay if it's an elf.

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>>50250014
I prepared Exploding Runes this mo-

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>>50245332

>>50250014
Endless glass of chocolate milk.

At least, thats what id do.

>>50250014
Wish.

>>50250204
That's not useless at all.

>>50250014
>Protection Against Violent Barbarian Player Characters.

Come on, what's a few critical axe strikes among friends?

>>50250014
Prestidigitation.

>>50245324
"Hey Mike!Ii totally just sold that old, rusted iron sword to that dipshit for 500 gold! I just told him it was magical, and he bought it!"

>>50250541
If that isn't the most useful spell in the wizard's spellbook, your game sucks.

>>50250014
>Modify Memory

>>50250570
Yeah, that's what I told them, but the DM boyfriend is the most by-the-rule pathfinder player I ever saw. To his credit, he know the Pathfinder core rulebook quite well. I tried to argue my point, but to no avail.
> can't clean something more than 30 cm cube
> even if I could clean it, dirt would reappear after 1 hour.
> so I couldn't use multiple instances of it to clean myself after a long day of travel.
> object created this way, or transmutated this way are way too crude to do anything. You need an illusion spell to do the trick.
> So I couldn't pay the racist barman in gold-looking cooper piece
> nor give his cash a charocal-looking apparence for one hour
> The only way I could use it is to serve as Perform (prestidigitation show).

The DM kept shutting me off for so long that I assumed I was becoming That Guy. Was I That Guy, /tg/ ?

>>50250858
There's a difference between being clever and being That Guy. The difference is a fine line, but unless there's something you're not telling us, it sounds like you didn't cross it.

I saw a mudcrab the other day. Horrible creatures!

>>50252187
Goddammit.

>>50250014

The cleric just... keeps preparing create water.

Don't get me wrong, having access to fresh water is great. But its all she does. Whenever she gets access to higher level magic, she just learns how to create water in fancier ways.

The ability to create 5 tiny fountains of water that make a rainbow is not worth a Cure Critical Wounds slot, god damnit.

If it wasn't for her ability to turn spell slots into healing magic on the go, she couldn't do anything. Aside for maybe put out fires.

>>50252717
The cleric you speak of is a foul degenerate.

I much prefer the young wizard that creates such magnificent explosions.

>>50252717
>tfw almost party wipe b/c druid forgot to create rain while fighting a fire elemental
Don't underestimate how important putting out fires can be.

>>50252983
Cute succubus girl > explosion wizard > water cleric > masochistic paladin

>>50245324
>Why won't these men just fucking gangbang me. I am the only woman in this party and they talk to me only when they need healing. I just want to worship their cocks with my mouth instead of curing illness and dealing with injuries all the time

>>50252717
Every time I play a cleric, there are at least three occasions where I regret not preparing create water

>>50253116
>Forgetting busty undead
Explosion > undead > succubus > cleric > paladin

>>50245324
"So wait what happened sarge?"
"We had him surrounded and the dipshit becomes a panther and tries running through us"

"Did he just steal my fucking sword?"
"Just let him have it Jim. I saw him kill a dragon. And then he cut open its stomach just so he could get a few gold coins. You don't want to mess with that kind of psycho."

>>50250731
I don't recall him prepari--HEY!

>>50245324
"Who're the new guys?"
"Just ignore them, if they approach you tell them about some goblin camp up north"
"Is there a goblin camp up north?"
"Fuck knows."

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Items that you loot off a spelunking hill giant that's been pillaging a Kuo-toa village.

>>50254775
regular-sized banjo in perfect condition

>>50254775
Giant sized fish sticks

>>50254775
A jug of alchemy on mayo mode, with a painting on it depicting a ritualistic dance or some sort of recipe.

>>50245324
I'm a guard.

>>50254775
Underware

>>50247360
Heh

>>50254775
An oversized bag of Chex-Mix

>>50247360
Wow, that's very clever!

>>50245324
Quick, while they're looking the other way! Run for it!

>>50250014
Explosive Runs.

>>50247361
I always try to have the NPCs react to OOC shit when the players get too distracted from the game and such so that's actually a really common occurrence for my NPCs.

"Ok, merchant, we've come to a decision on how many potions we wish to buy."

"Yes, I heard, and I'm quite grateful you didn't go with the 'kill him, burn the corpse, blame it on orcs, and run.' option."

>>50245324
Shows that are only popular in the US and burgers assume everybody knows what the fuck they are talking about.

Who the fuck is this fat guy and why do you care so much about him?

>>50255436
Not all of us live in communist shitholes where American TV is banned, anon. The fact that you haven't heard of "Whose Line Is it Anyway?" is rather sad.

>>50255436
Fuck off, newfag. We have these threads all the time; you should be able to figure it out from context alone.

>>50255436
>Not knowing about the only time the US successfully copied a UK tv show.

>>50255547
The limited export potential outside of English speaking countries is mostly given by the fact that jokes don't translate all that well.

>>50255436

There is an improve sketch comedy show called 'Whose Line is it Anyway?' where they cycle through a few different kinds of skits that force the comedians to come up with material on the spot.

The drinking song and 'bad dubbing' sketchs are always my favorite, but 'scenes from a hat' is what the OP image is for. Its simple. He pulls a random prompt from a hat and the comedians go in order coming up with responses to that prompt until a new one is called.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxXYiHcmLoU

>>50253127
Just start charging them in sex.

>>50254775
Lightly fried fish fillets.

>>50252187
I avoid them whenever I can.

>>50247332
"But Potion master I need your STRONGEST potions."

>>50254775
A crudely made wallet with hundreds of pictures of tadpoles inside

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>>50257898
very good

>>50250858
One of my players argues that he's always clean thanks to Prestidigitation. Be fun to mess with him and remind him it's only one cubic foot every hour.

>>50255409
I like this. Good job for being fun.

>Hey have you noticed that those guys never go to the bathroom?
>What?
>Yeah I mean, they come here often and I have never seen them use the latrines or anything
>So?
>Don't you think its weird?
>I mean yeah but who cares?
>Don't know... just seems really odd, also a lot of rats have been appearing on basements around here since they arrrived...
>And?
>Its odd, bunch of weirdos show up one day and suddenly everyone has to hire them to deal with a rat infestation, they leave and thats it, they come back and some other stuff shows up that only they can deal with...
>Its just coincidence
>I never had rats in my basement before they came here
>Well there's always a first time
>Ugh forget it...

>>50259284
>rats spawn whenever players are near
>if investigated this is due to a curse put upon them by a cult wishing to spread the plague
thank you for my next plot hook!

>>50252717
Create water/Bless water.

Always.

>>50254775
Magic toothpaste. Improves your bite attack.

That, and it also cleans your teeth real good.

>>50249867
The wolf has to have something to do while the Ranger is busy showing the Fighter the wonders of her 'natural bush.'

File: eJwNxUESgyAMAMC_8ABCSajgbygiOqOGIfHU6d_rXvZr7nGY2WyqXWaAZZfCY7GiPHKrtjG3o-a-iy18QlbNZTvrpQKvhB4DIgWX3j48g3fRk6NEU6SEU4oE-Fltv5r5_QF5TCDT.pbyCEJNmah6WvraaCyww_5KZczo.png (95KB, 329x299px) Image search: [Google]

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>>50256031
Or you could ask nicely.

>>50258194

Reread the last line of the spell. The cleaning is permanent.

>>50264161
I forgot the name of the character and the manga.

>>50264285
Watamote, though that might be from a doujin of it.

The girl is Tomoko Kuroki

>>50251092
Question around the prestidigitation spell: could you clean something you don't see, that is less than a foot cube and is inside the human body, like lungs?

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Things the rogue have seen while spying but is too embarassed to tell anyone.

>>50265063
The Druid was fucking the Ranger's wolf.

>>50249867
related.

>>50265063
The Druid fucking the Ranger's wolf.

>>50265063
I'm not one to make gossip, but I know for a fact that the Druid is fucking the Ranger's wolf

>>50265111
Jinx you owe me a splat book.

>>50265063
The Ranger's wolf was fucking the Druid

>>50265063
His mother fucking the druid. And the ranger's pet wolf.

>>50265063
The Ranger's wolf cheating on the Druid with some wolf in the woods.

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>>50265063

The truth on The Mole past.

Rolled 7 + 12 (1d20 + 12)

>>50265063

Strange men touching themselves in front of what appears to be a glowing cube like object. I think I can read the bard's name on the cube, and something called F... F-List?

Fucking hell the wizard needs to learn to check his own goddamn sub-dimensions.

>>50265324
The Druid cheating on the Ranger's wolf with some wolf-pack in the woods.

>>50265063
You know the lady elf bard in the party? Turns out she's a he... The men s/he has seduced never said a thing.

>>50265063
Age of Sigmar

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>>50247318

> Maroon

>>50265063
>I saw the paladin practicing Lay on Hands in the bushes.

>>50254863
underrated

>>50265063
The princess and her knight have switched places.

>>50247318
fucking colors, I swear.

>>50252717
Create water is the Best fucking spell.

>>50246629
Underrated

>>50265103
>>50265111
>>50265181
>>50265324
post reference please

>>50265401
>>50266906
ITT, people who've never seen a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Kh7nLplWo

>>50268426
>people who've never seen a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Here's a pretty good one in case there really are people here who've never seen one -- http://www.toon.is/looney-tunes-hare-way-to-the-stars_f50a889e5.html

>>50245324
In my case:
"Seriously, what was up with that guy? Does he have no voice-box or something?"

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>>50265063
>>50254775
>>50250014
>>50245324
>posting subpar host

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Event who cause the nerd of the group to say
« I'm sure there is a perfectly rationnal explanation»

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>>50247332
>>50257879
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_FQU4KzN7A

>>50271327
As you're walking out of the tavern, someone dashes past you into the tavern.

Within moments, the tavern explodes into a fireball that eventually forms into the shape of a banana.

Once the fire and smoke clears, the only thing still standing is a man dressed only in a banana-shaped codpiece.

Looking at the party leader, the banana man screams "FOR THE YELLOW DING!"

After that, he hands them all a banana and dashes off before the guards arrive.

>>50273453
do you have the traveler?

>>50274103
That is the traveler, I merely labeled it as potion seller just so I could find it easily if someone was talking about potions or referencing the potion seller video.