Let's make the Ultimate Backstory for an Adventurer! MK 2!

>>50191546
dickass mcfuckles

>>50191546
Bugbear (from FATAL)

>>50191546
Manliest Male To Ever Man

Cleric/Barbarian

>>50191546
He has really big hands.

Enemy/fear: Communists

>>50191546
Those Fucking Gnome Kikes are his enemy.

>>50191693
Crochet. With his enemies' bones and hair.

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>>50191686
>>50191693
Dickass Mcfuckles has a luxurious ponytail, and a menacing double chin.

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>>50191546

He clumsily yet brutally wields a cursed flail in battle, and drunkenly yodels prayers to his Deity.

>>50191770

In order to more effectively wield his cursed mace of doom, Dickass Mcfuckles refuses to use anything heavier than cloth armor.

Which he makes himself.

>>50191790
Daintily. Over a nice cup of tea. Out of the skins of his slain foes.

>>50191811

All things considered, he's actually pretty polite for a barbarian. He can enjoy the finer things in life.

>>50191546

Dickass Mcfuckles is an extremist pastafarian devotee of The Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster.

He believes that if he sacrifices enough dirty Gnomes and Commies, and spreads enough Chaos. the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster will gain enough power to manifest his True Form in the material plane. Ending Reality as we know it, and ushering in a new Golden Age.

>>50191546

He speaks in a slurred, bastardized Cockney accent.

>>50191869

But he speaks with impeccable grammar anyway.

>>50191546

Dickass Mcfuckles is a premature birth, a crack baby, and a failed abortion on top of all of that.

Legend has it that he strangled the shaman who attempted to abort him with his own umbilical cord, and that he made himself his own pair of diapers from the remains of his foreskin.

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>>50191546

OP here.

>Reads Thread

Dammit /pol/... On the upside, my campaign has a new BBEG.

>Back to the Thread

Dickass Mcfuckles is a huge fan of psychedelic mushrooms.

>>50191942
During a trip on said mushrooms, encountered a locust headed dwarven woman who he now fervently worships.

>>50191942

Keep in mind that when he's on the shrooms, his polite persona goes to the wind, and he becomes the bloodthirsty, holy berserker he was ordained by the gods to be.,

>>50191976

He simultaneously worships the Locust-Headed Dwarven woman and the Giant Flying Spaghetti Monster equally, alongside several other Deities.
Most of Dickass's theology contradicts itself, but being a Bugbear, the significance of this is lost on him.

>>50191999
Two of his personal pantheon are the twin gods of war Lefty and Righty, who manifest themselves onto the end of Dickass's wrists.

>>50192021

Also, they grant him divine power with which to perform miracles with his "blessed" flail.

>>50192021

He also worships Lefty as a God of Fertility, for obvious reasons.

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>>50191546

One of Dickass's most prized possessions is his Enchanted Golden Tobacco Pipe, which allows him to blow multi-chromatic smoke rings. He stole it from a Wizard's corpse and uses it for huffing mushrooms.

>>50192062
He didn't even kill the wizard. He suspects it was the handiwork of Gnomes.

>>50192062

He believes that Shroomus, the God of Mushrooms, Feels, and Dankness inhabits the Tobacco Pipe and gives it its mystical rainbow smoke.

He refuses to smoke with anything but the Holy Pipe, and would almost certainly have an aneurysm of fanatical rage if it was stolen or lost, which is why he wears the Pipe around his neck on a thin silver chain, underneath his clothes.

>>50192083

Speaking of his clothes. they're made with tender, loving care over a cup of warm, gentle tea with the skin, hair and bones of the people he finds. The Gnomes kill so many, you see.

>>50192103

As a sign of devotion to the Gods, he wears a necklace of severed Gnome noses. If you can look past the brutality, the stitchwork is obviously very well done.

>>50191790
>>50191811

Whenever possible, Dickass prefers to make his clothes from the corpses of his slain enemies. It's so much more sporting and honorable than scavenging material from the innocent victims of the vile Gnomes, you see.

>>50191546

Dickass is wanted dead or alive, ((preferably dead)) in no less than nineteen different Human fiefdoms, and several fearful Gnome merchant houses have put a rather substantial bounty on his head.

If a suitably brave Adventurer were able to slay him, and gather irrefutable evidence of his death, they could collect all of the bounties, and make little over 30,000 Gold in one job. Dickass is completely oblivious to all of this, and is slightly confused at the disproportionate amount of Gnome-worshipping Commie Assassins he has to deal with when he travels through those areas.

>>50192314

He is comforted, however, by the blessings he receives from the gods whenever he overcomes these trials of faith. Sometimes, entirely new gods are revealed to him as a reward!

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this fucking thread,
im glad I had the chance to make his name dickass mcfuckles

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>>50191546
>>50191922

Dickass Mcfuckles was almost aborted in the far eastern swamps among a shitty feral and inbred tribe of Bugbears made up of roughly thirty individuals. Supposedly, the last words of the shaman who tried to abort him were, "DICKASS MCFUCKLES!!! AAAGH!!! IT BURNS!!!", screamed as he was mutilated by the enraged newborn.

The Bugbear tribe simply assumed that the shaman died of shock upon witnessing Dickass's impressive musculature, and must've used his last breath to shout the baby's name. Hence the name, Dickass Mcfuckles. The full name is Dickass Mcfuckles, AAAGH, It Burns but as it's quite the mouthful, Dickass only uses it when yodeling prayers or on formal occasions.

Dickass's mother was Tibbur, the tribal bicycle, she died in childbirth/was strangled by the infant. Dickass's father was Gerbert, a cowardly fisherman who died a horrible and lewd death to a pack of Black Tentacles half an hour after Dickass's birth.

>What about the rest of Dickass Mcfuckles's childhood?

He was stillborn, but he got better.

>>50195124

Shortly after birth, Dickass was one-fourth the size of a normal Bugbear, and had almost half the intelligence of one. He took to wandering the swamps to search for tasty grubs, and to get away from the other tribe members who often bullied him over his lack of parents.

In the time he spent in the swamps, he became attuned to the vicious cycle of nature, and festered in seething rage at the other Bugbears.

One day, two years after being born, Dickass Mcfuckles found a very tasty looking worm just outside of the tribal village. Dickass was so proud that he decided to brag to the village about it. Unsurprisingly, the worm was stolen and eaten by another Bugbear while Dickass was distracted.

When he discovered the theft, Dickass snapped, and flew into a violent rage, grabbing a rock and caving in the nearest Bugbear's head. The dead Bugbear's two brothers ran at Dickass and tried to slay him with their flint knives, but such was his rage fueled might, Dickass ripped the dead Bugbear's head from its shoulders, and gripping the spine, used it as a makeshift flail. He swung the severed head hard enough to cave in one of the attacking Bugbear's skull, and swung it back, shattering the second's jaw and the head flail. Dickass, filled with vengeful fury, grabbed one of the flint knives, and savagely hacked the second Bugbear apart, piece by piece.

After killing his third victim, Dickass was hit by a wave of inspiration. He sharpened one corpse's finger bone, and put a hole into its end, making a bone needle. He then threaded nervous tissue and hair together, making thread. He used these tools to make himself a ghastly set of fashionable clothes from the remains. Before his murder spree, Dickass had went around naked. That day, he learned of the power of his flailing rage and dapper taste in textiles, and the tribe never bothered him again.

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>>50198210

Forgot the image file.

>>50195124
>>50198229

>OP here, that's some nice write faggotry if I do say so myself.

Once, Dickass Mcfuckles defeated a Sentient Polar Bear in a drinking contest and won its soul over the bet.

>Apart from gathering materials and spreading anarchy, what is Dickass's primary motivation for adventuring?
>Why is he wandering the world clubbing things with his flail when he could be back at the swamp huffing shrooms?
>More importantly, whose fucked up enough in the head to think adventuring with Mr. Mcfuckles PhD is a good idea?