Funny/stupid things players say

Nothing at all?

Oh shit I forgot to feed the birds for three days now. Damn OP, you're a lifesaver.

>>50159539

>GM: A grenade gets thrown into the building, what do you do?
>player: I take it and try to identify it

I think it's a potato masher, guys!

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>>50159539

GM: You wake up on in a wagon separated from your caravan.

Player: Why are we here? Screw this. We're going back to town.

GM: Are you sure?

Player: Yeah. We're leaving.

This was the beginning of every plot hook being ignored.

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The police sting is after you, what do you do?
>Quick! Stuff the bag of cocaine under the seat! I'll go talk with them!

The hockey bag. Full of 100 kilos of space age grade moon cocaine. In a small rental economy car. There was a full squad of police cars incoming. They were arrested

>>50161922
It's better than
>We've got, what, like 100 grams left? Just snort it all out, and we're good.
True story.

>>50162045
I hope they went out like Scarface.

>>50162045
Holy
Fuck

HT-10 roll vs death, right?

>>50159539
>the watch sergeant levels his pistol at your head and tells you to stay where you are

>I tell him to get out of my way and keep walking

>>50159539
Stupid, maybe not, but cringy as fuck.
>I know she likes me even though she'll never admit it

About a goddamn NPC. That he does business with.

>>50159539
>Player: I grab a corpse and use it as a battering ram.
>Rolls five points under DC
>GM: It breaks after you ram it into the door.
>Player: Does it still have a head attached to the spine?
>GM: I guess?
>Player: I'll take the head and the spine to make a new morning star. I then proceed to break down the door with my new morning star.

>>50162193
Is his character right?

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>>50159539
you see some guy in a black suit and with an impatient smirk looking at you as you jumped out of the trench. the area is enveloped in thick smoke and the gunfire suddenly stopped.
>Hey , idiot's club is two trenches down!
How about you listen first you little shi-
>Fuck you, businessman!

>>50162193

>I wonder how the assassins keep finding us, even when we shifted to another plane of existence.
>Well, remember, that sage did tell you that blue stone the guy tried to surreptitiously stuff into your pack sent out a magical emanation to some unknown destination.
>Yeah, but that could be anywhere or anyone.

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>>50162234
>>Hey , idiot's club is two trenches down!
spoken like a true alpha

>>50159539
I would have made sure he knew it was live.

>>50162669
how? By context clues? Perhaps, by viewing the fact that it has been thrown, you can deduce that it's live? you know. Because /typically people don't throw around grenades without pulling the fucking pin/.

>>50162234
that seems like a perfectly reasonable response in that kind of situation

get out of the way dumbass, we've got no-man's land to cross

>>50162688
Unless they're blonde.

>>50162688
Yes it was stupid of him not to realise that but presumably he would have seen that it was live when he looked at it.

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>>50159539
>GM: You manage to run downstairs, out of the werewolf's reach and now he is chasing the stranded party members
>Player: I sit down and open a bottle of wine to celebrate

How none of us died is anyone guess.

>>50162222
I'm not going to lie, this guy would auto-win all of his intimidate rolls against any enemies on the other side of the door.

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>Player is trapped in the lower decks of a ship infested by monsters who have set up traps EVERYWHERE
>"no ivan, toilet is also spike trap" levels of bullshit.
>Sees a rope stretching over a chasm completely unattended, but scratch marks around the side of the walls.
>"I jump at the rope"
>It's a barbed rope
>"WTF HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW"
>Literally everything is a fucking trap

>Same player years later
>Add that same rope trap to a different campaign for shits and giggles
>Even have someone slide down the rope specifically wrap their hands before going down it
>"I jump down and slide down the rope"
>"...with your cloth gloves?"
>"Yeah"
>MFW they bitch again

>poltergeist attacks the party
>Player: I'll try and punch the ghost
>rolls high, no effect as the attack is described to pass through the ghost
>Player: I'll punch it again, with double-punch this time!

Whoevere guesses what happened next wins nothing.

>>50163017
>slide down

oooooh. ow. what happened?

>>50163132
Hands ripped to shreds, but they managed to catch the person they were chasing with another PC's help and got their hands healed. I'm honestly tempted to run a solo dungeon with them so full of fucking traps that it makes them paranoid of breathing, just to try and instill some danger sense into them.

>>50161877
>This was the beginning of every plot hook being ignored.
That is the fucking worst.

>>50163088
The ghost runs away and complains to his mother, who tells on the player's mother and gets them in trouble.

>>50162222
I like you, casual gore man.

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>Fighting a bunch of daemons spewing out of a chaos portal
>I'm a berserker in full frenzy and I cannot leave the fight until i can't see the enemy anymore, except the portal keeps birthing daemons and soon there's too many to face
>It's clear I need someone else to take me out of the fight and run
>My dwarf buddy goes "I roll to stun him, so I can carry him out of the fight"
>I look at him like "please fucking don't, you'll get me killed" but I can't say anything 'cause my DM thinks doing stuff like that breaks roleplay
>He succeeds, stunning me in the middle of a bunch of rapey daemons.
>He attempts to pick me up while I'm unconscious and carry me on his dwarf back running on his dwarf legs, while being attacked by 6-7 daemons
>His next 5 rolls are all perfect successes despite having around 10% chance of success on each roll. The daemons all fail their hitting rolls and don't deal any damage.
>mfw sheer luck made my buddy save my ass with a retarded plan

>We come across a female anything
>Rouge: I roll to seduce

It was funny the first time he tried to fuck a bugbear, but it got annoying really fucking quickly.

DM - In the mouth of the cave so do you see a huge statue, currently-
Rogue - How can ogres make statues if they can't create more advanced living conditions than caves
DM - The satue is of obvious dwarven work, you don't even need to roll anything to see that, but more importantly it's eyes has started to-
Rogue - Why would ogres have a dwarven statue
Wizard - They probably stole it
Rogue - Stole it? how did they steal it? WHY did they steal it?
DM - Guys it's about to-
Wizard - Maybe it's valuable?
Rogue - Valuable? Can WE steal it?
Wizard - How are we supposed to steal it?
Rogue - Don't we have one of those bags of holding?
Wizard - A BAG OF HOLDING? DO YOU THINK WE'RE STEALING FUCKING GARDEN GNOMES?
-DM Disconnects-

>>50163296
>-DM Disconnects-
That's the worst part, that was such a perfect setup for a TPK when players get so immersed they forget to pay attention, just like their characters

>>50163296
>Rogue - Valuable? Can WE steal it?
A man after me own heart.

>>50163239
>friend is playing a paladin, needs to return the soul of death to the death realm so people will start dying again after we killed death
>were lowering him into a portal, he has a protective spell that will expire quickly so he needs to get shit done and gtfo
>gets to the spot where he needs to deposit death's soul. It is blocked by a magical barrier, the barrier can be broken by the coerce answer to a riddle
>rich men do not need it, poor men have more than they can spare. You will die if you eat it, etc.
>DM starts an obvious timer before his character dies
>we're all dead silent since we're not in the death realm with him so we can't assist in character
>everyone of us but this fucking chode know the answer to this riddle, you can see it on our faces
>timer counts down to 5 seconds whIle he ponders
>I blurt out "say something!"
>he responds "I got nothing "
>we congratulate him for being the dumbest luckiest bastard on earth

Fighter: Just go up there and do your wizard thing
Sorcerer: I'm a sorcerer, not a wizard
Fighter: You do magic don't you?
Sorcerer: Yes, but it comes to me inhere-
Fighter: I don't care what kind of wizard you are. You cast magic, you're a wizard.

The sorc was pretty steamed, but the rest of us were loving it. I use that line now whenever I play a low int character. Magic = wizard.

>>50163296
What is worst than murderhobos and why is it thieving hobos?

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>>50159539
>"I'm going to have my familiar fly behind the alerted enemies who are fighting us."
>Gets his familiar chopped to bits by hobgoblin

Cool cool

>group just finished battling the main villain
>enraged barbarian managed to grapple enemy lieutenant
>it's a drow babe (who dropped him to 0 HP with her backstabbing rapier)
>Player: Since it looks like they're fucking, I'm going to comment "Can you keep it in your pants while we're fighting, at least?"
>Other player: I knock her out with cranial impact of my battleaxe handle to her skull.

>after she goes KO
>Player: let's tie her up like this
>links pic related

Welp, that about sums it up for last session. It was bretty gud

>>50159539
>>player: I take it and try to identify it
I'd respond with "It's a boy"

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>>50163337
this was after about 1 hour irl time of the party getting lost, doing stupid shit, joking around, and sitting far away talking about plans to assault the cave, which, in the end, lead the entire party to charge 500 feat screaming at the top of their lungs. only to find the cave mouth empty. the DM's frustration was tangible at this point, with this interrupting conversation being the straw that broke the camels back.

during this very fight a new PC is introduced (after being squished last session). he had rolled a female kitsune ninja, which, according to the player, he had been forced to reform quite a bit since the DM had apparently considered the first (and second) draft of the character to be "insufferable".

the very same fight, where the sentry statue alerts two more ogres to join it, the kitsune gets squashed since the character refused to retreat or back off after having been critted down to 5 hp, and apparently had rolled a character with negative con mod to be able to pour everything into offense and being a stealthy glasscannon assasin. the kitsune player not only disconnected but also left the chatgroup that we use. after the fight the rogue player argues with the DM that it's unfair that he can't collect any loot from the new PC since it should have the starting loot at the very least, the wizard is frustrated that ogres does apparently not have fangs in pathfinder, since he wanted to make a necklace of ogre fang trophies, to go with his current outfit of a naga skin wizard hat, human skull belt, bear skin slippers and star shaped, purple tinted glasses.

the !notskaven ratkin alchemist and the druid with a knighted circusmonkey are busy trying to fit baneposting into every conversation

it was a fairly short session and ended with the DM explaining "i fucking hate all of you so much, same time next week, don't be late"

>Level 1 adventuring party
>We're sent to a nearby goblin cave to rescue a kidnapped baby
>Magical door blocks our way
>It's a cool weight puzzle, using a container of silver sand and various smaller containers that must be filled to unlock the door
"Silver! It must be valuable!"
>Remind party that we are trying to rescue a baby, not steal sand
>The town is a quarter of a day's walk away, so hauling this back would be a waste of time
>Entire party save for me decides taking all the silver sand out of the puzzle is now our new objective
>They empty their fucking backpacks and start filling them with silver sand
>I'm trying to stop them, we have bigger fish to fry and we can always come back for the sand later
>No dice, the sand must flow
>They truck half of it back to town
>I reluctantly follow, for one upset monk does not a rescue party make, and now there's no way to unlock the door
>Townsfolk yell at them for wasting time with sand
>Shouting match with shopkeeper who does not want sand in his store
>Too late in the day to return to dungeon
>End of day one


This encounter took three days. I'll add the rest of you want.

>>50163881
yes

>>50163881
>if you want
It doesn't matter what we want. What matters is the story.

>>50163881
>2016
>Asking /tg/ if they want storytime

>>50162234
I don't get it. Is it supposed to be some kind of metaphysical encounter? With like, Satan or something appearing to them in the middle of WW1? Because "disregard weirdness, carry on" would be a perfectly normal first response.

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>>50163264
> Rouge

>>50163881
>I'll add the rest of you want
Protip, Anon, /tg/ always wants more stories.

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>>50162882
Better than panicking

>>50163579
Your game better turn into an E RP pretty fucking fast

You'd better have those goddamn logs

>>50163017
>>50163168
>that spoiler
Man... you would need a spell for that. Oh wait
>Detect traps

>>50163881
>Day the Second
>Set out for dungeon again
>This time with the sand where it should be
>Stare at sand trap, figure it out in about a minute(it was creative, not hard)
>Party's retard gene rears its ugly head
"Let's just move sand around until it opens"
"But guys if you just--"
"Shut monk, go do some kung fu in the corner"
>Twenty minutes pass
>They finally guess it
>Into the dark we go
>Goblins.jpg
>I manage to k.o. one for interrogations
>The rest of the party breaks into a nursery and starts murdering children
>After their bloodlust is sated, we move to question the captured goblin
>Neutral Good cleric has prepared a hot iron for whatever reason
>Turns out the reason was bad
>He jabs the iron in the goblin's eye, killing it(it was at low HP)
>Wtf cleric
>No prisoner, a pile of dead goblin babies and no idea where the kidnapped baby is
>More goblins march on our position , they heard the screaming
>We barely escape with our lives, we were all pretty low on HP

End of day two

>>50164220
Do you think for ten seconds that my player is smart enough to take that spell if they fell for the same trap twice

>>50164254
Probably not, no...

>>50164245
>Neutral good
>Killing babies
I laughed.

>>50164197
Nope, sorry.

It's a voice game and it would get super awkward. If it were text, it would be another story

>>50163579
If I'm reading this correctly as:
>Player 1: "Ha it looks like you're fucking"
>Player 2: "I bash her fucking skull"
>Player 1: "Ha, let's tie her up sexually"

Then that player seems like a fucking problem. If I misread the situation and all the players and you are into it... then go to town I guess

>>50164388
Sorta, yes. The GM didn't disable it at all, since he decided that she is a 9-10/10 babe with big boobs and all the goodies.

But I'm not really a guy who would ERP over voice.

>>50164473
what a fag

don't you want to hear your bros, bro

>>50163168
Tucker's Kobolds.

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>>50164245
>Day the Third
>Townsfolk are livid; this pack of retards still hasn't retrieved a fucking baby from a cave in three days
>Return to the cave
>Goblins are on high alert
>Sneaky monk tries to scout out some side passages
>Full plate fighter clunks along behind him
"You shouldn't leave the party bro"
>Mfw
>There's no way I'll be able to sneak around with the Iron Giant waddling around
>Fuck it, we're not using the front door anyhow
>Tell party to follow me
>Cleric stays behind to gather up bottles of wine
>Whatever, it's not like he's helping us anyhow
>Head deeper in
>Surprise, goblins
>No healer to back us up
>I get critted by the little gremlins, I'm knocked unconscious
>Fighter is chasing some fleeing goblin he struck
>Sorcerer is looting corpses
>Cleric is nowhere in sight
>I am dying
>Cleric finally finishes collecting wine, heads down tunnel
>Buffs himself up and goes ham on the goblins
>Carves a bloody path to me
>Continues body path past me without applying first aid
>Fighter is surrounded deeper in the cave, dies
>Goblins flee from battle cleric
>I stabilize while cleric loots corpses
>Realizes I am in the negatives, heals me to 1 HP
>We find the baby
>It's been neglected for three days, it's dead
>Head back to town
>No reward
>Banned from town forever

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>>50163881
>>50164245
>>50164513

>everything about this story
>everything about your group

>>50164513
Never split the party.

>>50164513
>"You shouldn't leave the party bro"
>Cleric stays behind
They should make their goddamn minds up.

>>50164560
>>50164569
Epilogue: The GM never ran another dungeon with them ever again. He does one-on-one campaigns with me, though. We have a great time.

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>We have a lot of space to cover and not a lot of time, I think we should split up
>Everyone at the table tells me I'm an idiot

I'm blessed with my current group, who seem to believe that each character ought to be able to handle themselves or they have no business adventuring.

GM is pretty good at DMing multiple encounters at once, and encounters can get pretty exciting when multiple characters are engaged in separate mini plots that come together to make one big one. Doesn't hurt that the campaign seems to be purely overland either. Not one dungeon in two years of this campaign.

>"I send my army to attack the guard"

Says the player with an "army" of 7 cockroachs

>I hate casters because they're op

The worst players ever.

>>50164000
huh i think that's my DM's motto

>>50164746
I just don't really enjoy playing spell casters

Every game I play some kind of martial (fighter, monk, ranger etc) and every time my DM gives me crap for it "another fighter huh anon?"

Fuck off m8 I don't want the magic crutch to help me let someone else do it

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I think this story is better told in an RPG sense.
>Post apocalyptic WWI setting
>Every player in the session is a /k/ommandos
> Players consist of:
>a British Nationalist that only talks in Modern slang (think Essex)
>a German soldier with extreme shellshock that has a perpetual glazed over gaze.
> A Russian who obsesses over guns in an almost subtle sexual way.
>American who was sent to the front lines in the last month of the war and just wants to leave.
>DM: You approach the front gate of the house. It has a small brick wall surrounding the property that is covered in moss and rusted ornaments. You begin to notice rifle barrels take aim from the window.
>A voice shouts from the window in an unrecognizable language.
>Brit: "Oi ya fookin muzzies or plumbers?"
>American pulls the Brit behind the brick wall and takes cover with the others as shots are fired from the house.
>German begins taking a grenade from his pouche
>ThousandYardStare.jpg
>Russian caresses his cosmoline coated rifle
>American is scrambling for his weapon
>Brit yells back
>"Farage aughta ship ye gyps back ta Roma, fookin god save the Queen."
>American is now trying to keep the Brit from charging the wall.
>Brit hits American in the head with buttstock
> Nat d20
>Instant brain hemorrhaging
> Meanwhile the German and Russian are fighting over who gets to throw the grenade.
>Shots are still being fired from the house.
>Russian snatches the grenade from the grenade from the German telling him to stop defiling "ishvana".
>German tackles the Russian.
>Knocks over Brit affixing his bayonet
>Brit impaled in the throat
>Pin comes loose on the grenade.
>German stares
>Russian stares
>TPK
>End session 1

>>50163629
But how can it be a boy if it has no pin?

>>50164918
Grenade from the German.

>>50164819

>doesn't want magic powers

>most good martial abilities are magic powers

Cool bro.

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Bump

>>50164958
This. Unless your character is a god, most of the shit martials do IS magic.

You're not Hercules.

>Is it a nymph?
>No.
>Is it hostile?
Repeat at the start of any and all encounters, even when it doesn't make sense.

>>50165070
And you're not Gandalf or Merlin. Meanwhile, Fighters should be Beowulf

>>50165110
I'm intrigued by the order of those questions. Would establishing hostility not be the first priority?

>>50165226
>And you're not Gandalf or Merlin.

That's true. You're an arcane spellcaster. You cast magic spells.

Martials are not magical and are not half god. They cannot do anything Extraordinary or Supernatural. That's magic.

Basically, if you can't do it IRL, it's magic. That's the domain of spell casters.

>>50165226
Why would you not be Gandalf? Gandalf wasn't really that magical at all. More of a hexblade, really.
And Merlin? Merlin was primarily a diviner, you could easily have a PC equal of Merlin. He didn't fling no fireballs.

>>50165344
>Gandalf wasn't really that magical at all.

Gandalf was literally an angel of god. He was not from Arda.

Regardless, in D&D both casters and martials are magical in nature.

>>50165398
That just makes his race Outsider. He was still not very high CR or loaded in high level spells.

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>>50164918
I have a story in a similar style to share.

>Running an Army of Darkness campaign, using the source material at the back of the book and some modifications
>"As you enter the chamber, you see what looks like a glowing blue sphere flying around. Upon closer inspection, it appears to be a flying skull, with elongated canines, emanating a frosty aura, and delivering a downright terrifying screech as it floats through the room."
>Player chimes in
>"So what kind of skull is it? Like, is it hostile? I'm gonna greet it."
>They were inside a Nazi super science base full of Deadites and SS, and had just spent the last hour roasting/shooting/stabbing/exploding evil creations and stereotypical cackling Nazis
>Player steps out, greets the skull with "Ho there, bonehead!"
>Skull turns around, crashes into his face and begins gnawing on his nose
>Nearly dies

I am not blessed with intelligent players, but god damn was that campaign fun.

>>50165344
Gandalf was an Angel. Merlin was half demon. Hardly fair to say the fighter can't be half god when the average Wizard gets to surpass those two in effect constantly.

You could easily have a PC equal them, if you gutted half the spell list and capped them at level 8 or so.

>>50165305
Evidently not, I think he just wanted to a tree spirit.

>>50161877
this is what you get for writing shitty plot hooks

>>50165884
>Gandalf was an Angel
Angels in D&D are far superior to Maiar. Gandalf was a mere Outsider of custom variety. Not special.
>Merlin was half demon
Cambions are not particularly powerful to begin with so matching up to one is not very hard.
>Hardly fair to say the fighter can't be half god
Demigods however are so far above those that it's ridiculous to compare. It's comparing a level 5 to a level 23

>>50163796
>the rogue player argues with the DM that it's unfair that he can't collect any loot from the new PC since it should have the starting loot at the very least
The rouge player is totaly correct here.

>>50163454
There is nothing wrong with selling every single thing you find in the dungeon.
They were stupid to stop the rescue to do so though

>>50165336
>They cannot do anything Extraordinary or Supernatural. That's magic.

m80 Extraordinary is explicitly nonmagical.

>Extraordinary Abilities (Ex)
>Extraordinary abilities are nonmagical, though they may break the laws of physics. They are not something that just anyone can do or even learn to do without extensive training.

>>50164932
Underrated

>>50164513
I don't believe this story at all

>>50163881
>>50164245
>>50164513
>Day the first
"Hey, DM, while these idiots are arguing about stealing -fucking sand-, could you describe the puzzle to me?"
>"No! You can't solve the puzzle! We're going to steal the sand out of it!"
"It's not like it's going anywhere."
>"We want to steal it now, though!"
"You realize that the townspeople are going to be pissed if we don't come back with their baby, right?"
>"We don't care! We want out loot!"
"And that they'll probably give us a better price for it if we bring it back at the same time as the baby."
>stunned silence from the peanut gallery
>"Let's get that damn baby!"

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>You approach the camp of the militants ravaging the countryside. They do not see you yet. The prisoners of their pillaging are near one of the tents. You can tell they are tied up and in poor condition.
>Bet you a dollar you can't hit their captain with your bow
>You're on.
>Wait what
>[After shooting the captain causing a scramble to pack up and move the camp. Followed by a pursuit the next morning as they followed the small army's path through the dense brush.]
>What about the hostages guys?
>There were hostages?
>DM, are the hostages still alive?
>There's a large hole near where they were at the previous camp site.
>GUYS WE FUCKED UP

>>50159539
"Oh great being!"
When adressing a machine powered by a lesser demon bound to it.

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>>50159539
>GM: You see a pale figure lying on the four-poster bed, a man with a copper coin over each of his eyes.
>Player 1: I drive a stake into his heart, then I tuck him in.
>Player 2: Why tuck him in?
>Player 1: It's the least I could do after killing him.

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>>50168288

>>50161922
That's what you get for giving your players cocaine

>>50161877
>a durr random bullshit with no context
>fuck this, we're leaving
Seems right to me.

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>>50164073
Fisting is 300 bucks.

>>50163881
>>50164245
>>50164513
The worst part of this story is that it all sounds completely true. It's not set up like some kind of coherent story that somebody came up with to shock /tg/ readers, it reads like a jarbled mess of a bunch of stupid assholes who are disconnected from the world they're interacting with all trying to do things at the same time without properly discussing anything with each other.
Which is exactly how actual games game go. The part about the fighter saying "don't split up" to one guy followed by another guy splitting up is what convinced me it is real.

>>50168636
I don't often believe storytimes but this seems like people doing the stupid shit I've seen at my own table.

I can't stand players who think they're clever trying to do vidya shit.

Like, newsflash, I'm the DM, and this isn't WoW. You're not gonna find phat lewt on that goblin corpse.

>PC died in an explosion-caused fire
>Anotber one gives speech at his funeral

>Well, he had a really bombastic personality. He was a very bright person, and his mere presence could light up the night. His fiery passion for life was infectious, and when I saw him my heart exploded with joy. Once he said to me, "Never extinguish the spark inside yourself, let it burn brightly and ignite others." So, to add some heat to this cold gloomy day, I will sing a song. I think he would aporeciate it.

>at this point, the player starts playing a fucking ISIS nasheed on his laptop and singing along
>we laugh our asses off, and then decide that it was fun but we will never do anything like it again

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>>50168900
This never happened, but I like it.

>>50168952
This happened and inspired a similar incident when a PC was crushed by a falling minecart.

The jokes were pretty flat, though.

We play a slightly modified version of Paranoia

>>50168738
>Yes, you find a small, overweight lizard's corpse in Goblin's pocket.
>Oh, sorry, I thought you were looking for fat newts.

>>50169037
Fat newts are phat loots for a goblin

>>50162222
Metal.

>>50162931
Accurate.

>>50166465
it is, however, the DM didn't know what he had on him, since he left without telling, and he didn't want to just simply give out the amount of starting gold he had

>>50168952
Why not? This seems like one of the least made up stories here.

I got lucky in my 5e group, we have a relatively good party aside from our sorcerer who, despite claiming to be Neutral Good, has launched more AoE spells into party melee than I can fucking count. And as the LG Life domain Cleric of bahamut, it's my job to keep them alive.

Kid's dad is an avid DnD gamer but works different schedule, had a talk with him one day about how cancerous he was being. Last several sessions now the sorcerer has played like an actual team player instead of just 'Hurr fireball.' Namely under our GM telling him that this is a somewhat mandatory good based campaign (Rise of The Dragon Tyrant) and that if he didn't stop being a prick he would never play with us again after this campaign.

He got taken to the negatives far beyond what his maximum HP is at level 7. We were going to leave him but I pitched to the GM that since i was out of diamonds and couldn't revivify, I want to find a way to save him.

Now we are doing a sidequest to Baator, Tiamat's realm of hell, to get his soul back.

>>50164918
This is what happens when you fuck with Ishvana.

>>50168288
If I'm not wrong, that was a gentle reposed corpse, meaning the player didn't really kill him.

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>>50169185

>>50164621
I would play a game with you guys.

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>>50159539
>It's okay, we don't want to harm you. We just want to talk.

He said that to a bleeding man he was currently choking.

>>50162234
I love this party

>>50163296
Autistic DM rage quitting because the players aren't doing what he wants.

>>50159539
after the party is hunted by something unknown in a castle, they hear a scream from downstairs. 3 go down the stairs, one stays behind in the room. When he hears one of the others screaming downstairs, his first instinct is to close the door and move all the furniture in front of it. I almost cried laughing, because the next thing I had planned was the werewolf bursting through the window. I managed to make the NPC convince him to open the door again.

>>50159539
So many games, so many hilarious quotes.
Deadlands.
>Fighting a witch in a blizzard, think PMS-Goth Elsa.
>She makes her grand, "Rising into the air and shedding her youthful disguise." moment.
>Buddy: "I am Aku, the Shape-shifting Master of Darkness! And..."
>He did the voice, fucker earned a fate-chip for that.
--
>Brawling with witches body guard.
>Harrowed (undead) gambler get's shanked in the chest.
>Gambler: [looks down at knife, then back up to bodyguard] "Really? Just...really?"
>DM: "Free intimidation check for that."
---
>Discover latin scroll with her weakness written on it.
>Read out loud to our holy man, who's not-Catholic-ish.
>Gambler: [Pauses and groans miserably] "Ohhh, she sold her soul to the devil!"
>Turns head to the side, as he'd been knocked on his ass moments earlier by a blackmagic snowball
>Priest: "REAL ORIGINAL, BITCH!!!"

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>>50159539
>Players on a boat at night, going up a river
>See a huge column of smoke and fire up ahead
>Sorcerer and Bard go investigate on their flying carpet
>Find 30 zealots decked in full plate and with flaming maces, plus their fuckhueg leader, throwing goblins into a fire pit
>There's about 25 goblins in the fire, and 5 are waiting for their turn
>Bard goes: "I charge in with my carpet to save them"
>Goes in and hops off the carpet in the middle of all the zealots
I'm fucking astounded no one died

>>50175709
Whoops, that last quote, the priest said both those things.
DBZ Tabletop
>2 Saiyans, an Arcosian and an undercover Kai working for the PTO under Lord Cooler.
>Because FUCK Frieza.
>Find a planet full of trees and birdmen, under attack by pirates while the nearby planet of Grain is offering them protection as the start of the eventual "Grain Empire."
>The team: "That is just adorable."
>Pirates lead by Turles.
>Turns out, this is the planet where he got the seeds for the Tree of Might.
>Gank him, grab seeds and a fruit.
>Use seeds on Grain
>Inform Cooler that we will be "Rescuing the survivors" slaves from the planet Grain, and that "immigration" should be ready for them.
>After the planet is empty and dead, throw an asteroid at it.

Our groups motto/catchphrase: "We're not as bad as Frieza!"

>>50175767
continued from DBZ Tabletop.
The two saiyans in the party are Fen, who's basically a saiyan-viking who likes beating the fuck out of people, and Mayze, who is a rare "talkative" saiyan who's something of a 'salesman' and will negotiate with an opponent before killing them.
>Hint, his nickname is "Billy"
----
Message from Cooler to Lady Polarin, from Frieza who calls her "The Monkey Handler."
>Fen: "Hey, I am a Hound, not a MONKEY! Big difference!"
Raditz was killed on miserable backwater called "Planet Dirt" and Vegeta/Nappa have gone off the reservation.
>Fen: "Good, fuck Raditz, we're buyin' the guy who killed him a drink!"
>Mayze: "And stop Vegeta and Nappa from doing something stupid."
----
Reach Earth
Scan from low orbit
Average power level: 5
>Fen: "HOW ARE THEY BREATHING!?!"
>Polarin: "Wait, give me a visual of that city's population."
Photos show people wearing lots of clothes, out of shape and with no weapons.
>Polarin: "I....I think this world is at peace?"
>Mayze: "That's weird. They're weird."
Pink mist flowing from impossibly tall tower.
Watch as blue midget shrinks a Namekian and a black elf thing, sticking them in bottles and cackling maniacally.
>Polarin: "He's a bad guy. Good guy's don't laugh like that."
>Team: "That's valid."
Fighting Garlic Jr and Spice Boys.
One get's lucky hit on Lady Polarin.
>"I WILL USE YOUR FROZEN CORPSE TO CHILL MY VICTORY MARTINI!!!"
>She uses ice based Ki blasts.
----
Victory, meet bald human and human boy with a tail.
>Fen and Mayze: "A saiyan! Hey, who's your mom and dad!?"
>Kami: "Actually, Gohan is half-saiyan."
>F&M: "OUR SPECIES ISN'T GOING EXTINCT!!!"
They high-five.
>Fen: "Where's your dad?"
>Gohan: "He died fighting Raditz."
>F&M: "GODDAMNIT!!!"

I wonder if I should upload the video I took of that awesome session? I mean, I didn't show any of us cause I only cared about the sound, so I should probably convert it into an MP3, but I don't know how to do that. Oh well.

>>50175905
More DBZ TTRPG

Exploring Earth.
Lady Polarin being given a tour by a very terrified Krillin.
She tastes ice cream for the first time.
Makes laps around the city at Mach 5, squeeing with pure joy.
>I dare you not to laugh at the mental image of an Arcosian squealing like an 8-year-old girl who just got a puppy for Christmas
She lands in front of Krillin with an insane smile.
>Polarin: "Krillin, this Bulma we are meeting, you said she was rich?"
>Krillin: "Uh...yeah?"
>Polarin: "Is she rich enough to buy the ice cream?"
>Krillin: "Which ice cream?"
She slowly looks at him.
>Polarin: "ALL OF IT."
----
Fen and Mayze wandering Earth, as Polarin says to behave (for now) until Vegeta and Nappa show up in 3 months
They find a taco stand.
>Taco vender: "What kinda meat do you want on that?"
>Fen: "There are different kinds of meat!?"
They realize that Earth has many, many, many different kinds of food.
>Fen: "It's like they took all their research into food preparation instead of weapons or defenses!"
>Mayze: "It does seem like they made the right choice."
>Fen: "They can not make shitty food here!!!"
Nemo, the undercover kai, is getting shitfaced
Baby wannabe God of War and Lightining has the sads because Kami told him King Kai was training a mere Saiyan.
Fen and Mayze go find him at the bar.
See wall of alcohol.
>Fen: "Did we die and against all odds, somehow NOT end up in Hell?!"
>Nemo: *snickers* "Fat chance!"
Nemo so drunk, reveals he's a God and he's spying on Lady Polarin.
Gods don't want her or another Arcosian to become another Frieza.
>F&M: "That's valid."
>Nemo: "Frieza fucked everything up! Everything's off schedule with all the planets he's blowing up!"
>Nemo: "We had to create BUREAUCRATIC MAGIC just to deal with all the fucking PAPERWORK!!!"

That's it for now, homework+long day=worn the fuck out...

>For some reason my character was in an old wine cellar searching for a bottle of a good year, when suddenly I the shadows start twisting and turning.
>Must be bad wine
>My character scratches his head and tries to dispel the illusion by pinching himself.
>The shadows starts nibbling on my toes
>I quickly use my candle to light a torch and start waving at the shadow but nothing happens.
>Shadows begin crawling up my knees.
>I bolt out the door, hoping that the sun might dispel this supernatural creature, but to no avail.
>The shadows is up to my neck and about to pass out.
>I scream for help as im about to die to this eldritch horror.
>A couple of guards hear my death throes and start bludgeoning the shadow with there swords.

And that is the story how I almost died to the weakest creature in the world and became the laughing stock of the town,
but in my defense it never once crossed my mind to hit a 2 dimensional creature with a sword.

>>50165494
I read that as "heart of darkness" aka Apocalypse Now and was very confused for a minute.

>>50163579
Speaking as someone who has rigged before, a tie like that isn't something a novice could pull off easily. Did they have to roll for that or did the GM just give it to 'em for the lulz? If the former, what kind of DC was it?

What happened afterwards?

>>50163579
At least half of those ropes are doing nothing.

>>50162222
All hail the Quads of Morning Gory

>>50164310
>It's a voice game and it would get super awkward.
Even if you had a chick to RP the drow?

>>50176976
Anon, this might shock you to learn, but some people get sexual arousal out of the feeling of being tied up.

>in a sci-fi horror game, exploring a strangely empty lab
>in the lobby, standard lobby stuff around
I open the vending machine
>you can't it's locked
I use my lazer chainsaw to break it open
>suddenly flood of creatures drawn by the massive amount of noise

I was not sad when that character died.

>>50176976
Welcome to kinbaku.

>>50175905
>I wonder if I should upload the video I took of that awesome session?
I don't care about the quality anon, I'd watch the shit outta that

>>50176009
Just so you know, even if a slight part of that is made up I wouldn't care
You have a fantastic group anon, I'd love to hear more from them

>>50170757
You're correct. The player was convinced it was actually a vampire.

>>50166465

Given the wizard's demenour he should at least take her tail for his belt.

>>50177026
I think that would make it even more awkward, Anon.

>>50178132
What if she's a prostitute the DM has hired to play female NPCs for him, to increase immersion?

While using roll20 to play SR5 I decided to use the writing tool in the map editor to write "Don't Tread on Me" on a doormat because the campaign had a humor twist to it. When the players finally come across the random decor I did to add flavor into the world, the players stop on their tracks and say this golden sentence after consulting each other:

>"Ok, GM, we'd like to go in order of P1 checking for structural anomalies around the door mat, P2 checks for explosives after that, P3 checks for wires or others for an alarm or something and I (P4) will astrally perceive it, ok?"

It was just a door mat, they wasted several minutes in game time to make sure that a doormat wasn't booby trapped by the mages they were hunting.

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>>50159539
>Party is given a mission to transport valuable potions
>Who will hold them?
>The Mystic has a deathwish, the Fighter's hands are full of axes at all times and the Monk is a filthy intern
>"Wizard you are the most careful and trustworthy and therefore most qualified to carry this delicate parcel"
The potions are handed to a man whose hands are literally covered in butter

On a separate occasion
>"Wizard, what do you keep in this satchel?"
>"Arcane materials"
>"It's full of butter and dead crickets..."
>"Arcane materials"

>>50178416
I think they're astounded at how much of the wine is actually pouring into the damn thing.

>>50164220
I just had a retarded thought: an "Idiot Savant" archetype for the more magical classes.

Basically; you can only learn spells up to Level 2, and most magical abilities have a kind of stunted growth. However, by applying logical fallacies, leaps, and chains, you can widely extend the uses of those spells you do know. For example: Detect Traps works along both meanings of the word "Traps", and can de-tect them. The main downside is that you have to explain your reasoning, with easily understood explanations (Traps also mean...=-2) incurring less of a penalty than a more convoluted one (Well, when something is tect...=-4 or more). Failing the roll means that you're unable to try that specific use of the spell for a week of game time, and passing it causes the penalty for that specific use to permanently fall to -1.

>>50178579
>Time Wizards in D&D
YOU FOOL

>>50178416
See, I would give the wizard a chance to say "No, wait, I've got butter on my hands right now." If the player didn't think of that I'd remind them of it on the rationale that the character would probably realize that if their fingers were covered in butter.

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>>50178579
>cast Detect Traps
>bar wench pings

>>50163296
This sounds like my group, and I doubt I'm alone.

>>50164286
Killing goblin babies is a good act anon.

>>50178482

Bottle is bigger on the inside due to wizardry.

>contact is hermity old wizard dude
>says some bandits have some of his tomes and are charging ransom for them, wants us to get them back
>Ranger: "Not overdue library books!"
And that's how my character became the comic relief.

>>50178699
>cast Mending
>bar wench dings

>cast Create Water
>you feel a sudden urge to take a piss

>cast Mage Hand
>a hand appears

>>50178213
Honestly, what else could you expect? You live in a world where murderhoboing is a way of life. The alternative is stepping on the mat, EXPLOSION ACID TRAP ANVIL DROP, "WTF DM?", "It said right there to not tread on it. Why would you do that???"

>>50178798
What if one of those goblin babies grew up to kill Hitler?

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>>50163347
>mfw

>>50178943
>What if one of those goblin babies grew up to be Hitler?
Remember, there's no difference between the two questions.

>>50159539
After the one Evil party member has killed our cleric so many times(10+ times, no true resurrection so he was constantly several levels behind) he went from LG to LE and sold his soul to rise as a devil to kill that Evil party member. Is then murdered by Paladin.

The Paladin: Why can't we ever get any healing?
Druid: *Shrugs* Dunno.

>>50175905
Mayze? Neat, he even went with the DBZ naming convention--
>Hint, his nickname is "Billy"
I'm 100% okay with this.

>>50165305
Apparently that player is used to hostility from females. (Player - not character...)

we were chasing an informant through a hotel, we have him trapped on one floor, and we're closing in around him.
The party bruiser crashes through the staircase door, and basically shoulder checking a super old ladyinto the wall. He crushed a few of her ribs, the player actually looked upset with himself ooc.
The party medic stops to try and stabilize her, but to do this she has to shift her for back to human.
This causes the already dying old woman to have a heart attack and she kicks the bucket.

Later on we meet with the quest giver, informant in cuffs.
>DM "what was the deal with the old lady?"
>medic "I tried to help her"
>DM "why?"
>medic "because I'm a doctor"
>DM "obviously not a very good one..."

The whole table erupts with laughter, and the medic goes red in the face

>>50178416
>>"Wizard, what do you keep in this satchel?"
>>"Arcane materials"
>>"It's full of butter and dead crickets..."
>>"Arcane materials"

Fucking Lost!

Mine...
> Playing AD&D and I'm DMing the classic module 'Palace of the Silver Princess'.
> Players hire a Wizard NPC from the local adventurer's guild to assist Party.
> Said NPC is killed during their adventure.
> PCs eventual return to original town and attempt to hire another caster.
> Guild Member: "Didn't you guys already hire a caster? What happened to him?"
> Barbarian (not known for his love of spell casters) "He died of natural causes."
> Rogue "He was shot in the chest with an arrow by a Hobgoblin!?!"
> Barbarian (without missing a beat) "Yeah, like I said - 'natural causes'."

>Wizard in giant chicken suit to rogue: "Of course, of course, I'll stick the plan... Now if you'll excuse me, I have a duck to impersonate..."
>*loud peacock noises"

That was a weird session. Fun, but weird.

>>50179296
That was GM Rule 0+: If you're gonna name a character, they have to stick with DBZ conventions.
Frieza, Cold, Cooler
>Polarin
Vegeta, Goku, Nappa, Raditz
>Fen, short for Fennel
>Mayze=Maize=Corn

We saw no issues with this.
The Z-souls were awesome too.
Mayze's Z-Souls
>Mayze is here!
>Negotiations have broken down
>But wait! There's More!!!

>>50178579
I love this idea.

>>50164778
>Fun doesnt matter, you are just here to experience a story i wrote

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>>50165494
Was it similar to this skull? If so, the nose gnawing part is hilarious

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>>50182399
No, but I like President Flame Skull, and he will be appearing in a game soon.

>>50176072
Nice thing about Army of Darkness is you can literally run it in any setting, in any time period, and make any character you want. So in theory, I could make a game based entirely on Apocalypse Now and it would work extremely well - there'd be a lot more giant chins and chainsaw ballets, but that's just icing on the cake.

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>>50175905
I don't care that you're a tripfag: you made me crack a smile. Thanks.

>>50176159
My character, who had a rope, is like the orc of Elf & Orc.

He has no sex drive -at all. He just kills shit and takes prisoners when his instinct tells him to do so (/to advance the plot)

>>50184749
Which is to say, he didn't tie her up like that at all. Just a regular hogtie, then he threw her in a cell.

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>>50184762
Hogtie is already pretty sexual yanno.

>>50184703
Remember Mr. Rage? He was an example of a good tripfag. Tripfags don't have to be bad.

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>>50186178
>>50184703
>he doesn't remember Gropey_the_clown (or whatever his trip was)
Now that was a quality tripfag.

>>50186197
He's still active, man.

>>50186242
I'm no longer that active, though - I don't visit /tg/ as often nowadays, so I miss a bunch of stuff (including whether some people are active or not).

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>>50178699
>doesn't want to rail a qt.13 femmy barmaid
What are you, a fag?

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>>50175709
>>Read out loud to our holy man, who's not-Catholic-ish.
>>Gambler: [Pauses and groans miserably] "Ohhh, she sold her soul to the devil!"
>>Turns head to the side, as he'd been knocked on his ass moments earlier by a blackmagic snowball
>>Priest: "REAL ORIGINAL, BITCH!!!"

>>50184703
You're welcome.
>>50177217
I'll think about it, it's mostly the second to last session, and interspered with ludicrous amounts of random OOC discussion.
>Fen's Player: "People are always going, 'Yamcha's really weak!' No no no no, Yamcha, is a single-class Fighter, who is level 16, and he's hanging out with a bunch of level 20 Gestalt Monk-Battledancer-Sorcerers! It's not a fair comparison!"
>Mayze Player: "He's just sitting there being sad!"
>>50177255
In the words of Paul Mooney, I can't make this shit up, I'm not that good.

Most of the stuff was just the hilarious asides more than everything else, cause we can all improv like mother-fuckers when we have to. Example:
Shortly after landing on Earth, Fen and Mayze decide to get some money.
Construction site, condemned building.
>"hey, for 5000 zeni we'll knock that down for you."
5 minutes and 10 punched support beams later, they go to a bank to cash the check.
A lone gunman with an assault rifle bursts in to rob the bank while Mayze is inside and talking to the teller.
>This is just PRECIOUS.
Mayze intimidates the robber into opening fire, and catches all of the assault rifles bullets with one hand.
Bank robber tries to run, nearly knocks himself out ramming into Fen, and pisses himself with Mayze tells him to SIT DOWN.
He leaves with money and a teller's phone number.
Later, Polarin is talking with Bulma about some things when Fen and Mayze show up.
They talk about King Furry, King Piccolo and the Red Ribbon army.
>Bulma: "They almost took over the world about 20 years ago."
>Fen: "....how?!"
>Bulma: "Well, they were heavily armed."
>Fen: "Armed with WHAT!?"
>Bulma: "Guns?"
Fen and Mayze HOWL with laughter.
>Mayze: "Oh my God, that is ADORABLE!"
>Polarin: <chuckling> "You're forgetting about their power levels, men."
>Fen: <gasping for air from laughing too hard> "No no, boss, we just...we-"
>Mayze: "Lady Polarin, we stopped a bank robbery! It was FUCKING ADORABLE!!"

>>50178890
>mage hand conjure the severed hand of a (usually long dead) wizard
>use it to amass magic rings from lost tombs

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>>50162234
Your players are fucking rad.

Here's some quotes just from the last game we played.

>Q: “Do you want healing magic?”
>A: “My tits, are bigger than any man’s balls.”

>“I want to slice it from the cock up, so when it dies it’s a dick head.”

>"Wait, hold on, I want to try something..."
>"Don't diddle kids."

>"It's a pussy spaghetti. A pussghetti"

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>>50188349

>>50159539
>Player just get done talking to the council
>Everything was going well until Player A calls them cowardly bitches
>They get kicked out
>A shadowy figure emerges from the SHADOWS, you can't see his entire face because it's cloaked in SHADOWS
>"I need you guys to kill a council member."
>Player B: "Sure totally."
>Player C: "I don't see why not."
>Player A: "Yeah, fuck those guys."
>Shadowy Shade Man: "I'm totally trustworthy."

Two sessions later and the players have genocided the last remaining dwarves.

>>50163347
I don't know why I was thinking about time, I was trying to reason it with rich men being overworked while poor have a lot of time, but itt still fucky in places.
I'm awful riddles and jokes, fuck my life.

>>50178167
>prostitute comes into sperg's home, expects some awkward sex
>turns out she has to roleplay a sex slave
At least it would be clean work.

>>50163296
...my party currently has a campaign based around stealing garden gnomes...

>>50189656
Going Bovine inspired?

>>50188349
Pretty bad, dude.

>>50164254
ironically that's the only player who would need to take Detect Spell

>>50163579
I guess someone wants to play F.A.T.A.L

>>50189985
nah, it's based on old man henderson, unfortunately

>>50192234
I get too many people thinking OMH actually happened and wanting to make le epic wacky PCs based on him.

Anything "inspired" by Old man Henderson is blanket banned from my table these days.

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>GM: You've found a wishing well. You decide it's fun to throw a coin into it and wish for something. What do you wish for?
>An M60 for my Paladin
>get an M60 for my Paladin

I mean, in the end I accidentally shot my own horse with it but it was totally worth it.

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>>50188101
What system do you use to play Dragon ball?

>>50194216
>asking for a gun when ammo isn't available
You dumbass.

>>50162234
another one from the same session:

party face enters a bar in the city of failed dreams and hopes

>I CAME HERE TO CHEW ASS AND KICK BUBBLEGUM
>AND I AM ALL OUT OF ASS

the player in question has a habit of often accidently switching words and syllables

>>50166465
Your point is correct but people REALLY need to stop fucking spelling rogue as rouge. Rouge is a type of makeup and a furry fapbait character. The stealthy RPG class is a ROGUE. R-O-U-G-E. You literally copy and pasted the correct spelling in your greentext for fucks sake.

>>50194746
>The stealthy RPG class is a ROGUE. R-O-U-G-E

Anon...

>>50194163
We sort of turned stealing garden gnomes into its own religion

>>50162234
So what was the hook?

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>>50194746
>The stealthy RPG class is a ROGUE. R-O-U-G-E.

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>>50159539
>Possible suspect whips out a shotgun
>Players kill him
>One player turns to the investigator
>"Check the prints on his gun, they may help up find the killer"
>Mfw

>>50195951
Wait, but that makes sense. If he found prints on the gun from the guy who was carrying it (which he obviously would), he'd be able to compare those prints to any found at the crime scene.

>>50195975
>Wait, but that makes sense
they literally have his body there to take prints from

why would they dust the gun

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>>50194216
>GM telling your characters what they decide to do

boooooo

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>>50196071
>GM tells you your character threw the coin in
>wish for the coin to come back

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>>50196195

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>>50196195

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>>50196195

>>50194553
the one being developed/play-tested here on TG, though there haven't been updates in awhile. We were using one of the older-ish versions, because the newer one has

A: Arcosian players CHOOSE which stats are boosted as they change forms, while the one we used it was the same for all Arcosians (based off of Frieza) with Charisma boost in form 1 and Speed/Agility boost in form three.
B: Ki attacks in the newest version, charging up an attack makes it more powerful and you can choose NOT to do it. The version we used was "Lowers the XP cost of the attack based on how many rounds it needs to charge up."
>>50187435
Yeah, shit was glorious that session, especially because we flat out refused to refer to her as anything other than "Bitch" or "The Bitch."
Did a storytime about a previous Deadlands session, where we stumbled across a Spanish galleon in the Utah Salt Flats and killed a bunch of zombie conquistadors. That was awesome too.

Mad Scientist finally get's to fire a lightning gun.
>"HA HA! I get to use Thor's Money-shot!"
---
Priest reading journal of self-righteous conquistador captain who can't stop whacking off his ego about how many slaves he takes and how he deserves to conquer the New World, "By the grace of God."
>"God is using you as an object lesson, you deluded fuck!"
---
Priest killing the undead Conquistador captain, who'd been blown in half and pinned to the ground with arrows.
Walks over.
Points double-barrel 10-guage straight down.
Less than 2 inches from the asshole's face.
>"I have a message from God! GO TO HELL!!!"

It was all awesome.

>>50196019 has it right.
It took the player a good 40 seconds to realize what he had said, it was hilarious.
We ended up dusting the gun anyway, for the sake of the joke.

Playing a nutjob larper who never breaks character in monster of the week. We were trying to track down some chick with an evil magic book.

> "Quick, squire! Check your book of faces to locate her whereabouts."
> Party looks at me weird
> "Or perchance, we can intercept her carrier piegons."
> The hunter chimes in with "Dude, we don't use those any more."
> Intern pulls out his phone and shows the party her facebook and Twitter accounts

>>50165404
Gandalf was actually a level 20 fighter with cantrips

>>50198031
>Uses Animal Messenger while held captive
>Utilities various force effects, from single target to large AOE
>Can cast Protection from Evil
>Can turn pinecones into flaming projectiles
>Has been known to use Dimensional Door
>Definitely used Disguise Self

Fighter my ass. He's got great martial prowess, no doubt about it, but most of his power comes from low-key magic against people not expecting it. Even in the books, Saruman is described as using mostly Enchantments, but has telekinetic powers if pressed.

>>50175719
are flying carpets a common thing in dnd?

>>50161705
Sadly, it was not those birds whose lives he saved.

>>50198096
>Can turn pinecones into flaming projectiles
Dude, anyone with a Zippo can do that.