Using both heads

I decided to ditch the party's shenanigans for one day and bone a wizard's university's librarian and the entire party just about died while I was out with her.
they're still mad at me.

It led to a character/npc romance that led to her giving us a good amount of help and resources in the form of giant insect abominations like swarms of incendiary bees.

>>50061346

when my DM pissed me one day i helped myself out by getting laid and not complaining on /tg/ once?

>>50061346
I decided to bang as many chicks as possible, then I did.
[Spoiler] It was a bad idea [/spoiler]

File: 1329532043722.jpg (32KB, 448x447px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 448x447px

>>50061346
Back in my highschool group in the early 00s, there was a goth girl who'd join in to the occasional game. We ended up ditching the group one week to get high and fuck. The session we missed turned out to be crap because the DM for that game was sick.

She had a hairy bush but magic legs.

>>50061563

>she had a hairy bush

And what is wrong with that?

I was fugging a grill in the group that the dm was thirsty for. She would exploit him to our advantage.

>>50061750
As a grown man, I can appreciate it. As an idiot teenager, I thought it was gross, because I was an idiot teenager with poor taste.

>>50061763
There's "hairy" and there's holy fucking shit an entire afro down there.

left the party mid session for a booty text, and a couple that was in the group took advantage to bang one out, and the DM is a pathetic 22 year old virgin land whale so nobody cares if he's happy or not.
not really a story about how getting laid helped the party, but it at least it didn't hurt?

One time, a succubus disguised as a buxom woman tried to tear the group apart by making us fight for her affections. We played paper-rock-scissors because a fight would take too long. She knew draining one of us in front of the others would be too obvious, but everyone save the cleric was down for a show, so we demolished her plans.

Then we curb-stomped her and her backup ambush. Fucking hilarious times.

>>50061455
hiptofuckbees.webm

>>50061346
I made a tabletop game and recruited for players through every gamerslut I had ever fucked. All the orbiters joined and I've never had better critiquing than by jealous nerds.

At the table they nitpick every mechanical issue, afterwards in private messages they ask so many questions about the lore and system because the idea of a new system has infected their minds. All the questions helped me flesh it out a good deal and make major changes.

>>50061346
Why is his mouth in his cheek?

>>50062831
...I can't unsee it now.

>>50062831
This guy's asking the real questions

>>50062831
Don't be inconsiderate, he's half-sole. His father was a very brave, and very horny, fisherman.

>>50061959
There's "hairy" and then there's "'Nam PTSD flashback trigger"

>>50063127
There's "hairy" and then there's "PUNCH IT CHEWIE!"

fuck i just wanna get laid by some tight pussy and nice ass.

>>50063144
There's hairy, and then there's "she could donate her crotch hair to make wigs for beardless dwarfs."

>>50062831
Anime

>>50061346
Real-life example: a friend of mine slept over at a fuckbuddy's place, and around 3 in the morning the wiring in the wall behind his headboard basically went supernova. If they went to his place instead, there's a very good chance they would have both died.

>>50061346
It's what first got me into the hobby, so there is that's I guess

>>50063536
please, explain?

>>50061550
then, it didn't really helped you...

>>50061346

hasn't happened yet.

>>50062831
Look closer, you'll see there's two mouths.

>>50064677
>fanservice moe crap animus have low budget
>and now the weather

>>50064698
all the budget went into economics

>>50061346

I have been in plenty of situation in my youth when simply stating the obvious "I'm horny", got me laid. And more than my fair share to be frank, just so happens to be that most girls are just as horny as we guys (they just don't show it).

In game terms... never...

>>50061346
A ditched a very monotonous campaign to go have sex with my then girlfriend.

>>50064698
Maoyuu is MEDIEVAL MACROECONOMICS with a side of fanservice, though

>>50065405
wow, you masturbated...

>>50064732
which is kinda ironic. you woulda thought they[d see that coming a mile away

>>50063127
>nam
Yeah, because there's so many seventy year olds here.

>>50066207
>current year
>still being this salty that charlie took your legs
you're not fooling anyone grandad

>>50066275
>charlie took his legs
>used it as masturbation implements

When I met my wife. Literally the only time.

>>50066109
No, he had sex; can you even read?

File: 1446413086829.png (114KB, 352x292px) Image search: [Google]

114KB, 352x292px

>>50065405
Was this you?

>>50066936
Replace "mad" with "bored" and you know what? I plead the fifth.

>>50061346

We had an NPC spy captive, and she tried to convince me to let her go. I went "Okay, but you have to suck me off first." She went "Ugh, disgusting. No way in hell."

Then I went "Well, guess you're dead then." and just watched her until the morning, when she was executed. What I didn't know was that she actually had a perfect map of our faction's troop dispositions hidden in her clothes.

If I'd let her go, it would've been disastrous. But because she decided not to do a bit of sucky sucky, I saved the day.

File: 1457636726613.gif (70KB, 296x335px) Image search: [Google]

70KB, 296x335px

>>50066998
>Spy
>Not being trained to do what's required
>Would rather die than suck someone off

>>50067112

I know, right?

>>50067112

Maybe he had a deadly dick that sprays acid, like those poison lizard-people in Pathfinder.

Or maybe he's just fuck ugly.

>>50061346
I can't even think of a non-/tg/ example of my dick doing me any favors.

File: tumblr_mln85h8ANG1rk9y92o1_500.png (109KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

109KB, 500x500px

>>50061346
>Playing PTU alternative universe
> Just reach Hoenn
>Sneaking past Rocket Guards
>Get spotted
>OHSHIT.JPEG
> Get arrested
> Get interrogated
> Lie my ass off saying i was sneaking out in the woods waiting for my ex's husband to leave so i could fuck her
> NAT 20!
> Rockets become total bros and let me go
>Even offer to let me join the Rockets
> Give me a badge and everything
> Im now highly confused as a resistance fighter fighting against the rockets...did i just become evil?

File: this_story.gif (482KB, 346x230px) Image search: [Google]

482KB, 346x230px

>>50067217
>> NAT 20!

File: artworks-000127711310-ibbmn4-t500x500.jpg (69KB, 500x500px) Image search: [Google]

69KB, 500x500px

Another story of using my dick

>Playing Star Wars SAGA
> Play a mixture of Quagmire, my dad in high school, and a character from a favorite series of mine nobody has ever heard of
> Undercover against a warlord as a special forces guy
> Our local force user gets his arm cut off in a training accident
>Take him to the hospital
>Dr says it looks like a lightsaber wound
says he'll have to report it to the imperials
> FUUUUUUUUUUUUU
> Lie for the team saying it was a blaster
>He doesnt buy it
> Talk to the nurse (A fish woman ) and try to convenience her to tell the doctor is was a blaster wound. In return i'd have sex with her
> Roll a 1
> Get thrown out of the hospital for sexual harassment
> rest of the team gets captured by Imperials

>>50067256
Our GM modified the system. On a roll of a 6 it counts as a "Nat 20" so to speak. Not fake at all.

>>50067173
How ugly does one have to be to get refused a blowjob in a life-or-death situation?

>>50067283

>How ugly does one have to be?

Fuck ugly, not just unattractive but actively revolting.

>>50067283
Depends if the agent thought they were just fucking with her.
No pun intended.

>>50061346
I dm for my gf and we fuck? I mean involving sex in games usually turns out bad, but i let the pc drow ranger fuck dryads, since they actually wanna fuck cause they are like the the Witcher's ones, they need to have sex to procreate new dryads, just like the Asari in ME i guess.

>>50067318

Where are you supposed to fuck a Dryad, anyway? Do you bang their "avatar", stick it in a tree hole, or do they... Like, bloom a special sex flower you're supposed to jerk into?

>>50067342
You put your dick in her mossy vagina

>>50066998
You should have let her go but taken all her clothes first, and any prosthetics

>>50061346
>need to talk to the marquis about an encroaching enemy force approaching from the sea floor
>guards wont let me into the castle gates
>try for two whole days but apparently he's not keen on random nobodies entering his presence
>morning of third day see a young woman in a carriage being taken around town from the gates
>eventually see her leave it into another nobles house
>told that I perceived her as the marquis daughter what with all the crests and whatnot
>"fuck it"
>literally
>so I break a wheel, knock a random noble unconscious, take out any emblems/crests/symbols showing ownership, and wait for her to leave the house
>it's now evening and she exits
>as soon as they leave the wheel falls off and I come riding in what with my steed and noble demeanor I offer to take her back to the city walls
>take her for stroll instead
>rocking these charisma checks
>promise to meet again tomorrow
>horde still approaching, the rest of the party has yet to make an audience, but dates proceed for a week and decide to seal the deal in the marquis' stables
>sneak in by her aide and proceed to fornicate with a loud climax to alert everyone to my presence
>guards find me, send me to the dungeon, torture me, and marquis comes to me hours later to tell me my sentence
>say he won't govern much when he's dead
>semi-explanation with proper documents and semi-proof are given but say that I will only tell them the rest if I can go free, get healed at his own expense, and am given two of his younger, prettier maids
>it is done and I tell the rest of the intel when I am outside the city walls

And it's just like you would think. Every day they cook our food, wash our sweaty and dirty clothes and clean my armor every night. The fighter and me usually take turns patting their heads to reward their good work.

>>50067342
>>50067373
>>50067387
This basically, though they're not this fucking naked all the time, as they weren't in the books. Sapkowski is rightly so annoyed by the non-canonical changes they made with the games, one of them the extreme sexualization of every female individual int he motherfucking series.

The ones that in my homebrew come from humanoid nature instead of fey usually are covered in pelts like native americans would and the ones from fey nature usually ahave really few features and covered by bark-like skin.

>>50063931
He got laid though.

>>50067425
>extreme sexualization of every female individual int he motherfucking series
What, sorceresses aren't supposed to be attractive?

>>50067425
>complain about nudity
>bring up the apparent Puritan-esque modesty of the native americans

Anon....I got some bad news.

>>50067425
Why wouldn't a Dryad be naked?

>>50067342
Oral, son, oral.

>>50067469
Savages, barely even human.

>>50067411

No, man. No cock-sucking, no escape. I don't let people go for no reason, you know? Only cucks do that.

File: 1412038394916.jpg (104KB, 754x864px) Image search: [Google]

104KB, 754x864px

>>50067425
Barklike skin, I get. You could go for the awesome tree-like thing.

But why go for the whole pelts thing? Couldn't you have them have cedar bark textile shirts or something, if you have to clothe them at all? And clothing doesn't solve the issue of sexualization anyway: women are still naked under their clothes, you know. An adventurer could still rip them off and find a gorgeous nature-attuned woman underneath, with a fertile mound in her valley to plow for planting seeds in.

File: paW8mKmQXVfhLV4DeETqDs7rIyFwjV5Ynm9fjnJiHaPBbPcdFsiH7maRIVNLc-Pldxq5rw=s2048.png (99KB, 610x260px) Image search: [Google]

99KB, 610x260px

>>50067598
>>50067425
People should be less afraid and overreacting at a little casual nudity in their adventures

>>50067451
Some sorceresses, yes, not every female characer on sight.
>>50067469
I didn't complain? I'm anot american?
>>50067477
I said the ones from the humanoid nature, they are usually kidnapped yound ladies or ever newborns, some of them still have their old habits to still have something on themselves to cover up. Besides, they still hunt.
>>50067598
Though it seems a pretty bait argument you're making, since i would never have a player that wants to rape people , I will still answer it.
I said the ones from the fey nature have bark-like skin, i didn't say they're not naked, but as you know dryads in D&D aren't all that marked in their humanoid features, they still have a vag if that's youre terrible conundrum.
As for the ones that are from humanoid origins they still have the need to feel covered, most of them, nothing in the world is the same for everyone, most of them cover up mostly the crotch and feet, some fully, some do not.
As i said before, these individuals still retain humanoid nature and still have to eat, so they're hunters and use the pelts as basic cover for fighting too.
>>50067701
You seem to presume a lot of thing about my homebrew, I never said nudity wasn't allowed in my world, in fact the party was brought to wash in the houses by the dryads after they helped them with a fight, both to repay them with mending their wounds and checking them as for willing good candidates to put some seed to reproduce.

To answer you all: it's more trying to make logical sense of nudity instead of acting like a teenager that just discovered mastrubation.

File: 1412038458492.jpg (389KB, 500x772px) Image search: [Google]

389KB, 500x772px

>>50067813
I know the rip clothing off part gave the impression of rape, but it could be gentle wooing and helping her out of her clothes as well and still have sexualization.

I guess my problem is that you're trying to make dryads make sense, with your version of sense, when to me it goes against what dryads are: beings that can be playful and helpful or capricious, but are essentially in tune with nature far more than humans or even elves. Giving them things like clothing and houses kind of makes them a bit too civilized for my taste - if they should have baths, they should be natural springs, and any buildings should have been long overgrown by nature and converted to their use - a long-lost temple covered over in vines and with trees growing in breaks in its stones, which the dryads use as a gathering place or a place to bring visitors, both changing the use of the original building and ignoring what it might have been used for, since dryads wouldn't care about that. The lack of clothing isn't just a thing of sexualization, but part of setting them apart from civilization - like how animals don't need clothes, being a part of nature - and to give them clothes out of fear of sexualization, when they could be sexualized with or without clothing.

tl;dr from the sound of it you've made your dryads elves and I would prefer dryads

I was procrastinating at work so I went and jerked off in the bathroom.
Afterwards my head was clear and I got dug in.

>>50061563
Further proof that goth girls predate upon awkward nerdy types.

>>50061763
I am a grwon man and i still don't like a bush. But ii love goth girls!

Paused a character arc in which we are attempting to return to our own time/dimension in order to fight the Gods and their directly empowered servants as they attempt to fuck up the world in order to save my waifu.

My waifu is basically a top level Woobie who got gaslighted by the LE God of Invention until she basically became a female magical Mengele.

She was the second most powerful BBEG we ever dealt with. She built a mountain-sized battle airship and a half-god biological experiment designed to slay dragons.

Turns out she got invested by the metaphysical concept of Envy. I ripped it out after a mecha fight. Then she joined our side.

>>50069982
But did you fuck?

>>50063536
Same.

>>50068382
Prey.

And so? Sexy and dangerous. Besides, Goths are mostly gone now. Truly saddening.

>>50061518
Now do it in English

>>50070730
Well obviously, after his DM pissed on his face he decided to fuck him in the ass.

>>50070669
>Goths are mostly gone now
Not entirely. Gotta know where to look, is all.

>>50070669
Not that anon, but predate is a valid word for the sentence.

>>50070669
>Goths are mostly gone now
And nothing of value was lost.

File: 1475625210159.jpg (34KB, 340x535px) Image search: [Google]

34KB, 340x535px

>>50061971
>nobody cares if he's happy or not.