That Guy Thread.

>>50060041

More of a That Group (and yes, I'm aware that if you think everyone's That Guy, you're probably That Guy), but I've encountered some of the dumbest murderhobos in my life recently. Last week's session had the highlight of

>After doing quest for city's government, relax and hit some bars and spend some of their newfound loot on booze and wenches.
>Decide to rob the tavernkeeper
>Wait until most people are insensate from drink, and then press a knife to his neck
>Force him to open his cellars, and then knock him out.
>I hadn't statted it out, and just say that there's a lot of containers of various alcohols that he serves, as well as a crate for some of the food.
>Cue in whining.
>What the fuck, we're 11th level characters, we shouldn't have to go through all of that for some booze.
>Curse me out for being a shit GM, and session ends early.

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Obligatory.

>>50060041
One time I had a guy who insisted that charcoal was better than propane. I asked him politely yet firmly to leave

>>50060899
>Propane and Charcoal
>Not Wood.

You will never know the succulent taste of an 18-hour slow smoked pork roast using Pecan wood and a special spice rub, shredded like butter, then served with homemade BBQ sauce and coleslaw.

Wood Life.

>>50060135

Shit GM detected.

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>>50060041
>2002
>D&D 3.0 game finally ends with us slaying the villain and saving the world
>after everyone else leaves, the DM says he wants to run a superhero game next, and I tell him I'm interested
>only other guy he knows who also wants to play is a scuzzy dude he gamed with back in the late 80s/early 90s
>game day it's just me, the DM, and the scuzzy dude
>we start talking about what kind of hero to make
>DM and scuzzy dude are waxing nostalgic about their old games
>scuzzy dude begins reminiscing about the time his character raped Jubilee in the streets in front of a crowd of hundreds

>after character creation, the DM tells me he understands if I'm not interested in this game anymore

>>50060839
10/10

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>>50060041
I joined a Death Watch game which was plagued by multiple That Guys. I swear the poor Gm was cursed with always getting at least one THAT GUY in his games and seemed to have reached the point he just accepted his bad luck.

I knew the Gm through a mutual friend and jumped into his game as my normal game group already had 6 players and it would be getting crowded. He explained to me and the other players through an email that the game would be starting on a jungle world against orks so come prepared for that. I wrote up a Blood Angel Apothecary cause I'm a healslut and went to the GM's place for the game.

The groups consisted of the following members;
>Dude Bro: guy who looked like he spent his time bullying kids for this fucking hobby but was an alright guy though had a bad habit of rambling about 'I got so drunk...' stories. He played a Space Wolf Assault Marine (and thankfully played him more viking then furry)

>Council worker: Guy always showed up from his work in those fluro shirts and as the name implied worked on roads. Alright guy but more then one game got cancelled because he couldn't show up, was friends with dude bro and played a Dark Angels assault marine

>Pale horsemen. A thin albino dude who always seemed to have a cough, sinus problems, headache or general illness but never stopped him from showing up. Family ran a small horse stable and was actually a competent rider. Played an Imperial Fist Techmarine

>Pussy whipped: Friendly guy but holy shit, everything had to grind to a halt if his girlfriend called or texted him. His girlfriend was into Magic and often dragged him to play that. Played a Blood Angels Assault Marine

Now I wont tell you who That Guy was, that will become apparent soon but feel free to place your bets.

>>50060135
I'm with you dude, what'd they fucking expect?

>>50062005
That picture was me playing a cleric every damn time lol

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>>50062005
Immediately we hit our first problem, we had 3 assault marines but no devastators or tactical marines. Gm tried to get one of them to change to something with a bit more firepower but all three refused. Pale and myself were fine as we filled specialty roles but it was clear GM wasn't happy about this. Still he relented and let us try with our rather melee oriented team. To try and soothe Gm both Pale and myself grabbed bolters for some ranged weapons.

We get a brief history on our target planet. Ork WAAAARGH met its end here but the cleanse and burn programs were never completed so savage orks have popped up in the forests. They were just a nuisance until an ork Rok crashed onto the planet and the warboss has begun gathering the savage orks to him to start a new Klan. Unfortunately for us the warboss is smart and we cannot pinpoint his location from orbit so we will have to go down to the planet and try and get local intel to try and pinpoint the location of the war boss and kill him. We are also told by our inquisitor handler assisting the populace is a secondary objective, the whole planet can burn as far as he cares, just get that damn Ork Boss.

We touch down in a military bse that has been weathering the worst of the ork assaults and we quickly get exposition from the commander there that the government here is retarded and greedy, that the cleanse and burn programs were discontinued by the current planetary governor and there is a civil war brewing over the incompetence of the local governor and his administration. Before we can really get into specifics (or a Commissar can appear for some 'morale support') an alarm sounds as another Ork wave is coming in so we defend the base.

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>>50062154
The base's east wal lwas breached a few days ago so most of the attacks have been focused there. Needless to say we head straight for the breach. Pale finds some turrets offline and sets off to try and get them up and running for fire support, Dude bro, Council and Pussy go down to take the fight to the Orks while I stay with Pale to give him covering fire.

Dude and Council are playing the SW and DA rivalry as a competition to see who can kill the most Orks, Pussy whipped is doing nearnly nothing as his girlfriiend called so is on autopilot for combat. Pale manages to get a turret up which mows down the Orks and I generally just pick my shots and occasionally yell some mantra to help boost the morale of the human troops nearby. We push the assualt back and discover the orks attacking were all savage, bone and rock weapons with no ranged weapons in sight. We also find one savage Ork alive and wounded and decide lets see if he knows anything. At this point however Pussy whipped is off his phone and, annoyed he didn't get to rp much during the fight, loudly declares "Suffer not the alien to live!" and kills the ork before we can question it. Cue a sigh from GM who just had his important plot point giving NPC murdered by an overzealous idiot. We aren't overly happy about Pussy going full Black Templar and head back to the base commander who the Gm uses as our plot giver, saying the first place to get hit was a communications relay out in the forest. The guy in charge there was apparently pretty big on recording everything so we may find some logs that will help us (hint hint, nudge nudge fucking go there for the plot).

We call in our transport, gear up and head out to where the relay is, believing the orks lack any decent anti-air to pose a threat to our transport.

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>>50062357
We touch down at the relay and find what you would expect. Socrch marks, bullet holes, dead bodies and other indicators something big happened here. We quickly agree we need to keep Pale alive and well as knowing orks they probably trashed the place and we will need some repairs done. We slowly make our way into the facility, taking note of the signs of battle and damage to the facility.

As we get deeper our xeno-sense starts tingling and we located a dead ork Kommando and realize what we just walked into. Que ork ambush in tightly packed corridors. Unfortunately for them we had Dude and Council in the front and Pussy in the back who proceeded to show why you don't bring a gun to a melee fight.

We fight our way to the main control room and find our first miniboss, and Ork Kommando leader who is setting demo charges to take the relay down. Dude charges to melee...and promptly triggers a trip wire at the door knocking him on his ass and causing a bit of damage. Council quickly decides to try and have them come to us and sets up against the wall, trying to goad the orks into coming to him. Pussy has a better idea; lob a few grenades into the room....the room filled with delicate systems we need to access the logs, and where demo charges are set up where Dude now lays wounded and in need of aid.

Gm is clearly exasperated as he explains the grenade has damaged the enemies but also the computers we needed to access. Thankfully the demo charges don't go off and Pale and I use our turns to pop in and unload our bolters into the surviving Ork boss, Pale landing the killing blow which pissed Pussy off because he wanted to kill the boss by himself. We tell him to shut up, especially Dude who had to burn a fate point to stay hanging by a thread so I can patch his ass up.

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>>50062580
Pale managed to retrieve some severely damaged logs from the grenade fragmented data banks and discovered the relay actually recorded an SOS signal from a jungle patrol unit near one of the major rivers through the jungle, mentioning a very large ork was with them. Pale also discovers some logs haven't been damaged but instead deleted on the same day the relay was attacked, meaning someone here had something to hide. We also discover that according to the staff records we are short about 10 dead staff, including the guy who was all about keeping logs. Suspecting this may have something to do with the civil unrest that has occurred we relay it to the Inquisitor and head back to base.

We use local maps to pinpoint the location the patrol had spotted the 'big ork' and discover it is also likely the location the assualts on the base are coming from. We all sit down and discuss what to do. Pussy wants to charge in, Dude and Council want to have some air strikes to soften the target up, Pale and I want to wait until the next assault and attack the camp from the back. Eventually Council and Dude come around to our way of thinking but Pussy is adamant Space Marines would just charge in. However Due cannot come with us, his character is pretty badly injured and GM decides to end the session there telling Dude to make a temporary character as a replacement for the next game.

When next game rolls around Dude shows up with his new character, an Ultramarine scout. Our plan is simple, wait for the orks to launch an attack on the base and use that as our chance to enter the enemy camp. Pale, Pussy, Council and I will cause a lot of noise to draw out the war boss, Dude will stay back and assassinate the boss the moment he stick his head into Dude's sniper scope. What could possibly go wrong?...EVERYTHING!

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>>50062787
This plan was under an ill omen from the fucking start with the first role of the game being a nat 100 with Council trying to give a speech to the base personal to improve there morale at the impending ork assault. What was supposed to be a rousing speech about fighting the aliens and dying in glory for the Emperor became 'you are all going to die, please try not to die too fast because we have shit we need to do'.

So leaving the base with crumbling morale to the Commissar we board our transport and plan to drop in near the enemy base to draw their attention while the transport drops Dude off at a separate location for a more stealthy entry. Our ship draws some light enemy fire, which is good, we want them after us...but Pussy decides he aint sitting in no ship anymore and jumps out with his jetpack on, leaving us just staring at him as we realize Pussy has gone full retard. Our ship has to turn back so we can go reinforce him but by that point Pussy has taken a few hits and getting overrun. We quickly set down and the others cover me while i rush out to drag his stupid ass back onto the ship. All the while Pussy is complaining that we didn't jump out with him (none of us had jump packs) that we should have covered him (he didn't tell us what he was doing before hand) and now the plan was ruined as he was injured (he ruined the plan by jumping out of the transport). Whats more our little turn around and hover has given the orks time to gather their rocket launchers and fire. Our transport takes a ht and despite Pale doing his best our ship goes down hard, wounding all of us and nearly killing Pussy (saved by a fate point).

We may be alive, but we are all injured, alone in Ork territory and with no reinforcements on the way with the Ork horde closing in. Oh and dude is nearly dead again from the crash, thanks Pussy.

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>>50062996
So our situation is as follows;
Pussy nearly dead, Dude severely injured from the crash, all of us having minor injuries, no back up and a pissed of ork horde on its ways. Our one saving grace is we crashed near the Ork camp, so we can possibly finish our mission.

Pale decides he is gonan take one for the team and stay with the transport. He plans to rig up the ships guns to work as automated turrets and draw the horde towards him. When he gets over run he will overload the engines and detonate a demo charge to take as much of the horde with hi mas he can as he will not let the ship fall into Xeno's hands. We suggest Pussy should stay back as well as he is already nearly dead and having an assault may buy some more time but Pussy refuses to stay, believing his half dead carcass will actually 'help' us by going to the camp.

GM actually had Pale play out his last stand and that bastard managed to rack up quite the body count, running out of bolter ammo, then turret ammo and finally bolt pistol rounds before he got overrun taking out a sizeable portion of the horde when he an heroed in a glorious explosion of jet fuel. GM ruled the explosion was so large the base under ork assault saw it and decided it was use causing trouble for the Orks, motivating them to fight harder.

Our surviving team moved towards the camp wide, trying to flank and adopting a pure non-engagement policy so we could reach the camp or at least get as close as possible. Despite the utter ballsing up Pussy had done the plan was the same, we make as much noise in the camp as we can to draw out the boss, Dude takes the shot.

We reach the camp and Due sets up in a tree for a good vantage point as Pussy, COuncil and I metal gear solid our way into the camp. We decide the best way to cause trouble is to take out the ork vehicles and ammo dump so Council and I take the vehicles while pussy goes for the dump.

>>50060135
>expecting leveled loot in a peasant house

every time

>>50062005
That pic is so good.

>>50060041
This girl in our group decides to play a warlock, who is a psychopathic killer, in a very poorly done open world d and d game by a first-time gm. Granted most of our characters where evil in some way, hers was just way too over the top.
The first session that our group met she was subtle about who her character was and what she was doing. She was being like a normal evil character and trying to hide her terrible actions. Towards the end of that session though, when we were in the middle of the woods, she started to perform blood sacrifices of fallen bandits we just fought, to try and summon death. We should have seen this and been like no stop it, but at the time we thought whatever were evil anyway who cares about.
After that, she starts to murder random npcs anywhere anytime and for no reason other than to summon death. She slays hookers, leads children out into the forest, all kinds of just stupid shit over and over. And the gm allows all of this to happen without any real difficulty (no npcs fighting back, npcs using logic or common sense, or guards even investigating the murders). She gets out of every situation by persuasion checks, thanks warlocks for having high charisma! In fact, the gm rewards her by making her sacrifices cause bonuses to her abilities and magic damage.
So, the sacrifices continue and her powers get stronger and she becomes bolder in slaughtering people in the streets and in public. She summons demons from a mine town and killers all the miners. She kills random travelers on the road which turns the sky red for the night and gave her ridiculous power boost.

>>50063186
Our monk lost his leg in combat so we had to try and save his life by taking him to the nearest hospital. We got there just in time and he was in a coma for a bit. While in town she has the brilliant idea to sacrifice out monk to get a mega power boost. Long story short a huge fight ensues in the monk’s hospital room causing the whole hospital to collapse and killing our sorcerer in the process. The monk survived. She was knocked out in the process and tried to say she shouldn’t be because the sorcerer died, luckily the gm didn’t do that. Our paladin decided to take her unconscious body in to the local authorities after knocking her out. As he’s taking her in, vigilantes come in and request he gives her to them. Our paladin is like no justice is justice and goes straight to the guards of the town. The guards then assume that the paladin knocked her out and was making up this story for some reason, idk the gm was fucking stupid with explain why all the witnesses and our statements were misunderstood by the guards to thinking she was innocent and that the paladin committed a crime. So, the paladin gets sentenced to death, for some reason, and become a broken oath paladin by losing faith in the legal system after we help him escape.

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>>50063207
So, we go to the “final area” and start trying to take out the bbeg by amassing a cobalt army to go to an awesome battle. We start entering the castle at full health, and she is at the back leading her group of men and decides that she is going to suddenly help the bbeg and kill all of us. Obviously, this is a big mistake. She cast a fireball and eliminates all our troops and deals a shit ton of damage to us unexpectedly. Fortunately, the group is level ten, I’m a wizard, the sorcerer became a bard, the paladin is op, and the monk is the monk. So, we went fuck this shit and wanted to slay her ass. She then says to the gm she rolls to persuade us it was an accident, and the group over rides the gm and says no persuasion check for this one it fails. She start the combat and tries to kill us with another fireball, fuck you bitch, couterspell (insert giant middle finger). She goes down in two turns and our paladin grants the final blow, killing her character for good. She starts crying and the session ends early.

After she left with her boyfriend, I talked to the gm and he was like she should have stayed I was going to reincarnate her and have her be super powerful with the bbeg. I was just blown away by how much he was enabling her fucking stupidity, and he wasn’t even going after the pussy with her, he was just that fucking stupid to think that what she was doing was okay.

>>50061239
>spice rub
>and then barbecue sauce over it
It's one or the other, genius. You're wasting the flavor of both otherwise.

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>>50063104
It was actually fun stealthing around the facility, Dude relaying enemy patrols and positions to use over the vox (and inspired a stealth based all scout squad at a later date). Council and i decided we would set our grenades to detonate in the fuel dump tanks with Pussy to do the same at the dump, the idea being to spread the orks out a bit so we had a better chance...it was a good plan which is why Pussy hated it. At the point we were supposed to detonate the nades simultaneously Pussy got a call from his girlfriend. Pussy decided instead of detonating his nades in game we should 'play out until he got off the phone'. We were fucked over by 4th wall pussy.

So now Council and I stood, asses in the wind as Ork's rushed our position. Dude is in his tree wanting to help but we tell him to not do anything as the ork think it is only us so he can still take the shot if the warboss comes out.

Council and I manage to do a good job of defending ourselves, Dude acting as a spotter for us. The whole time this is happening we keep calling out to Pussy it is his turn only for him to say "I pass" instead of detonating his fucking grenades!

Finally the GM takes pity on us and has the ork warboss come to look at what is causing all this ruckus. Dude takes the shot...and misses. He quickly burns his last fate point to fix that and manages to land a hit but not kill the boss. Dude quickly gets the fuck out of his tree as Council rushes in to engage the ork warboss in close combat as I do my best to cover Dude as he tries to re-position. Meanwhile Pussy is still passing...this has taken roughly 50 minutes, 50 minutes of Pussy on the phone 'passing' every time his turn comes up. I remember imagining a blood angel kneeling in the shadows going 'yes dear, of course dear, I'll be home before 5 dear'.

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>>50063247
So COuncil is locked i ncombat with the Ork warboss and despite some good rolls he eventually falls, fate point burned to try and stay alive as he slips into unconciousness. It's gone tits up. Pale is dead, Dude is running, Council is nearly dead and Pussy is talkign to his girlfriend. Wel lfuck it if I'm gonna die I'm gonna follow Pales example and do it heroically.

I toss my weapon aside and pull out my combat blade and yell to the Orks that the 'Emperor is with me and I shall see you foul xenos vanquished in his name. Lord Sanguinius be with me, guide my blade so I may strike down this unholy wretch in your name. For the Emperor!'

Right as I finish my speech Dude has positioned and fires again, drilling the bolt between the ork warbosses eyes and dealing the last bit of damage needed to kill him. The orks, thinking the Emprah actually came down to help me piss bolt it out of there. We all laugh about what great timing that was out of game and I quickly have my character run over to Council to try and stabilize him. And at that glorious moment of victory Pussy comes back, and he is not happy to hear we just won while he was away.

Pussy is fucking mad that we just finished the climax of the mission while he was away. He first tries to say we should have paused until Gm points out he himself said multiple times he 'passed' his turn so if he wanted to blame someone for not puasing he should blame himself. He then said he wanted to do it over from his turn but Gm ruled no, team won fair and square and deserve the victory. Pussy then is furious to learn that squatting in an ammo dump doing nothing doesn't count as an xp worthy action and thus gets the bare minimum xp from the mission completion. It further infuriated him that as Pale played out his last stand so well his new character will get an xp boost for his previous characters bad assery.

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>>50063380
It is the final straw for Pussy who adopts the 'dating mans defence, which is 'at least I have a girlfriend unlike you guys!'. Council is married with a kid, Dude bro has scored more chicks then he can count, even Pale has had a girlfriend. GM, politely but firmly tells Pussy to get out and not to come back until he has grown up.

Pussy never returned, we had had it with his shit and not being able to simply tell his girlfriend 'i'm busy, talk to you later'. We saw him around a bit as he lived locally and there was only one FLGS nearby. He pointedly ignored us and his girlfriend glared at use everytime she saw us (to the point she actually forfeited a magic game when I was her opponent as she refused to play against me).

Gm continued our group, Dude continued to play his sniper as he liked it more then his SW characters, Council lived and continued to fight as a DA, Pale built a Storm Warden devastator and my Apothecary lived on for two more missions before dying to a new that guy's shenanigans.

>>50063222
With ribs maybe, but pulled pork needs both. Assuming you're not a total pleb and make your own the rub is used as a base for the sauce.

>>50063207
You had a paladin the whole time and *that* was the moment he chose to step in? Christ, if your GM wasn't as godawful as you're saying, he should've stripped that guy's oath as soon as he let the first innocent murder slide.

>>50063186
>Granted most of our characters where evil in some way, hers was just way too over the top.
You all deserved worse than you got.

>>50063449
I like stories with happy endings. It sounds like you guys were having fun all the while too.

Fuuuuuck too many stories because my pathfinder group is anywhere from five to nine people. Just gonna list them by the characters they play cause most of them build and rp the same character every campaign
>father alyster-neckbeard/weeb only ever plays paladin and declares himself the defacto leader of the party, builds his current and ex girlfriends character sheets
>Worthless half elf ranger, father alysters current gf, nice girl but useless in a fight always stays at the center of the party to avoid being a target.
>Ashimar cunt, the father's ex gf always a fucking summoner always argues with gm because he has her laptop out either on Twitter or metagaming always acts annoyed over existence of other players.
>chaotic dumbass-my best friend unfortunately, only plays witch or fighter always chaotic neutral and does a decent job of rping but is prone to dumb shit that screws the party over ( pissing off royalty, burning down bars,reviving a dragon that almost party wiped which led to party wipe because "I felt bad for it")
>Dr do little- plays multiple classes but always insists on having some form of pet, mount, familiar,etc which the party goes out of their way to kill for amusement, always fails hard during quests and has highest pc mortality rate of entire group
>Captain clusterfuck-banned from playing summoner,paladin,bloodrager,alchemist,evil or chaotic in any form and not allowed to be any race capable of flight, due to several incidents the most notable of which was summoning a whale while airborne only to have it land on and kill a dragon and two party members.
That's just the basic outline of some of the dumbasses I play with, I'd have to find my thumb drive with my campaign logs to really get into details about the "that guy" moments they've had

>>50060839
>DM is a retard, the thread

Like seriously. How bad is he

Its a fucking rogue.

>>50062005
Anyone have the pic with the cumdump cleric?

>LG Party dwarf gets healed and saved by our true neutral druid tiefling many times over many sessions
>Tiefling never has any Ill will towards the party nor the dwarf
>Party is headed for the mountainhome
>"Why is the tiefling with us anyway"
>"I don't trust her, devilish hellspawn"
>"She's stalking us to sacrifice us!"
>Player and I confront him about toning down his tiefling hate
>"Lol I'm just following the lore, everyone hates tieflings according to the book"
This should have been a red flag for me, this guy caused so many problems down the road.

>>50065030
>summoning a whale while airborne only to have it land on and kill a dragon and two party members
that's cool as heck

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>>50065590
Thank me later

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Not even started yet, but here goes...
>GM organizes a group online
>advertises it as friendly to newcomers
>people join up, some have never played RPGs before
>organize session 0 for character creation
>it's all good, there's one or two veterans in the group who say they'll help with the new players
>and then there's that guy
>insists on the group chat that everybody should have a character rolled up and ready to go at the first session
>criticizes the GM for providing background info on the setting instead of describing it as they go
>does
>it
>all
>in
>short
>messages
>to
>spam
>the
>chat
>boasts about how his previous GM let him shoot someone in the head for taking too long to introduce their character
>has genuinely started to put some people off coming
Goddammit I just wanted a nice fun game

>>50068627
Once again, I'm peeved by how the player can hear his GM giggling over the internet.

>>50060135
goddamn nobles

>>50060135
> (and yes, I'm aware that if you think everyone's That Guy, you're probably That Guy)
That only really counts if every That Guy in the group is being That Guy is a similar way.

It's entirely possible to have a group of faggots who are all nauseating in their own way. I.E
>railroad GM
>lolrandumb Fuckwit
>edgemaster Mckiddiefiddler
>rampant furfag
Etc

once i was that guy and i regret it
i was always late, always tried to derail the story for the sake of my story and ruin other peoples characters

i am sorry

>>50069840
>>50060135
>That Group
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/47852646

>>50070811
It's ok, as long as you learn from it. And you clearly have.

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>>50068627
>thinking "yeah this is pretty bad"
>get to the part with the 12 dwarves
>mfw

I am the "that guy" of my group.

My friends always convince me to play DnD, then turn around and always complain that I can't roleplay to save my life.

>>50060839

>DM calls his players murderhobos because they don't want to be railroaded into a shitty dungeon and set up an assassin's guild in a brothel instead

Jesus what an awful DM.

>>50072069
Fucking try a little harder.
Hate that about one of my players.
Says he wants to get better at the actual roleplay part of the game. so I feed him some situations where he'd need to do some talking in-character, for example, give an alibi to the town guard.
>"oh, um... I don't know. Anon, you are better at this, what should I say?"
FUCKING TRY! Just TRY dammit!

>>50071611
somehow i did
i am still a horrible player, but thats because i lack creativity and not because of i am that guy

>>50072287
I do try, its just my hardest is dry as fuck.

>>50068627
I too am a noobie. I'm trying to use roll20 to get my first experience for roleplaying, but there's just too many rules I don't understand. Do I have to look up guides on youtube or something? Or just try to sneak my way into a group and ask questions as they come?

>>50072440
If you have no friends, find your FLGS and go to a few sessions there. Get to know the people. They're usually very helpful and patient. After that, you should have a better idea of what you want to do.

>>50072069
>>50072404

I think you just need to find a character you really like. I used to pretty much just play my characters as "me but a cleric" or some shit because I couldn't really get into the character I rolled, but I actually tried branching out into something different and ended up being my best roleplaying yet.

>>50072484
And if there is no FLGS?

>>50072874
Honestly? OkCupid, set your profile so that you're looking for anyone as friends only, and state that you are looking to start a gaming session. Don't be a creep, and look decent in your photos, and that should be about it.

>>50060041
This is more That GM.

>a campaign starts over the summer
>starts with a haunted house
>turns out it was actually solid holograms
>okay.jpeg

>the rest of the campaign turns out to be a completely unrelated list of threats to this one town and inconsequential NPC's
>find out he's making it up as he goes along, to the point he can't even keep his soundtrack straight

The joke is it's me.

>>50072679
I've tried, but the only thing I've played is Pathfinder and honestly it doesn't interest me at all, but Its the only thing people want to play.

>>50060135
It didn't become That Group until the whining, though in-universe, robbing a random tavernkeeper and then hitting him in the head even though he complied, possibly causing permanent brain damage, is beyond even most sword-and-sorcery "morality is gray as long as you're having a good time" levels of douchebaggery.

>>50060041
>That guy who tries to use him leaving the game as some sort of blackmail.

>>50072440
I'd suggest looking up a group for people from your country. There usually is one for every country large enough to get 20+ people into the group.

>>50072440
My suggestion is to start by reading the rules for whatever game you are playing. Probably DnD, so the players handbook.

like a pirates code, its more of a guideline, but its a good place to start and can give some interesting idea's with some of its more off topic text.

>>50060041
>13th Age
>Wizard argues with Pally over where to go next on adventure
>Wizard is being completely unreasonable
>Pally punches wizard
>Wizard shocking grasps Pally
>All on a tiny rowboat with 6 people on it
>TFW the Mary Sue and the Edge lord literally rocked the boat

>>50073032
This is something i do in video games with a large degree of customization and RPG's alike, but find a character or concept you really like. That isn't superman or some other OP bullshit. things you like based on them being interesting, not powerful.

From there, try to emulate that. build the character as close as you can get, but don't be rigid. You will need to make some fluff changes. After that, when you are roleplaying, just channel that concept or character.

For example, if you've ever played an MMO as a healer, its an utterly aggravating experience with rando's. Channel that into an asshole cleric thats constantly criticizing the party's poor choices, but at the end of the day still does his job.

I've posted this once months ago, but might as well post it again:

>Never played IRL and thought I might give it a try
>See a notice for a new player into a Runequest 6 game
>Know none of them, but I give them the benefit of the doubt
>Turns out that they are pretty chill
>Me being me am prone to making random off-shoot jokes that break the pace both in and out of the game, but I try to keep them to a minimum so that it doesn't become annoying
>The DM was the least chill guy, but as long as I didn't ruin the game and roleplayed he let it go
>After some sessions we get to a part in the campaign that he becomes almost erect from describing
>He had been preparing a long, intricate and admittedly epic scenario where we need to infiltrate a village where the resident devil worshipers live and are trying to do their voodoos
>Traps, bottlenecks, patrols, all the good stuff
>We manage to sneak through most of it and get only into some silent scuffles with mook guards
>Finally have a direct look at the village hall
>In the front is a scrawny old man trying to become the vessel of the devil and he is nearly done with it
>My archer decides to try and stop it by letting an arrow go at a massive distance
>I crit
>Kill the guy in one hit
>DM sits there mouth agape while the players congratulate me for the lucky roll
>We high tail from the village while chased by the denizens
>DM ends the session there, clearly agitated
>We decide to take two weeks before we return to the game
>Eventually get back and game starts again
>Now, however, everything is stacked against me
>Weather conditions are always against archers, enemies always have somebody ready to ambush me specifically mid fight or gap closer abilities
>Fine then, I guess he thinks that archers are OP so I can see it
>Except when we RP every character is hostile, racist and otherwise against me
>Even though we had another player whose character was from the same place as mine and nobody was racist towards me

>>50073863
>Later on one of the players, during a bathroom break, tells me that the DM still fucking hates me apparently
>The DM blames me for ruining his great encounter and for that tries to focus me down
>When I get back I try to confront the DM about the whole ordeal
>He has none of it and stands up
>While yelling, he moves around the table, calling me a game breaking min maxer cunt and so forth
>He then starts poking me chest while still telling me that I am literally worse than Hitler
>Me not having any of it stand up
>He reels back and covers his face with his arms as if I was going to punch him
>Say "fuck this shit" and get out
>On the way I hear some muttering from the DM
>One of the players yells "Oh shut the fuck up"
>Keep in touch with the other players because they are chill

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>>50073948
>Called you a min-maxing cunt for rolling a crit
>Fails to conceptualize the idea of Randomness
>DM's being this butthurt

At least you got something out of it.

>>50073948
One time, i had a level 10 Sorc as a boss against a bunch of level 6's.

None of them did anything but the fucking ranger riding a boar, who shot him once, did a good chunk of damage, and happened to loop around the way the guy dimension doored too, loosing a second arrow and nailing the guy dead. Also, fuck favored enemy, and i shoulda realized he had that. but i was a new DM and i was retarded.

As a DM, you gotta realize that the players may inadvertently deal with your shit quite well, and other times have issues with shit you thought would be way beneath them.

>>50060839
Man, that DM is shit. The things those players got up to is an average session in cyberpunk ffs.

>>50060135
Not best GM-ing.
Players are dumb. Gotta lead with the "hey, you realize this is a pretty poor tavern, right?" Before they can hype themselves into it.

>>50075107
It's a tavern, what were they expecting to find?

>>50072287

Kick that guy out. I would. He doesn't know how to play and I doubt he really even enjoys the experience that much.

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Is it being That Guy if the GM basically told you to be "That Guy" for the sake of getting rid of another That Guy.

>That Guy builds a ranger/fighter
>specializes as hunter
>constantly bitches at GM to give him a pet wolf
>steals a cub from a wolf spirit's pack
>group becomes separated, wolf caught by blackmarket people
>keeps trying to convince us and everyone we meet in the town to help get his wolf back
>wants us to free a wolf in the middle of a starting rebellion with the group split between factions

Also
>constantly drags out decisions of the party, often resulting in us almost being killed
>always belittles every single mistake our characters make by failing a role due to a 1
>literally broke his legs falling off a tree as a wood elf, managed to shoot a full arrow barrage into a giant tree he was hiding behind and also managed to fall down a 600 meter cliff after failing a 50 cm jump, only surviving because DM allowed him 5 chances
>immediately becomes violent if a party member makes fun of how regularly his shit causes trouble or fails

He's the typical kind of edgelord nerd IRL and in-game and is only ever good for fighting mobs.

His attacks against other players aren't even the chummy "fist to shoulder" kind of stuff or light slap over the head either, which sre the reason our DM even allows player attacks against each other, but instead him properly rolling shit if he's annoyed.

As in, rolling all his feats available if push comes to shove. Slapped my Gnome Wizard, that was just minutes earlier rolled over by a boulder and survived with 1 HP, using 4 potions to get back to 26, with everything he had, counting his crit fully and even tryibg to use giant slayer on his Gnome party member and primary diplomat of the group for joking about his plummet after he made fun of me failing a 10 Arcana check with a +8 bonus.
Dealt 15 damage to me and knocked me fown to 11 HP.

/blog
Sorry for venting this shit but holy fuck, I am so close to poisoning this asshole with the 20 Con DC poison with insta-death on failure I picked up a while ago.

>>50060135
so instead of robbing the till they went into the basement? They didn't look for the bouncers or go to the guys home and find his wife/family who probably had his money?

I would of given them rats. A room full of rats with a skeleton holing a sign asking for them to collect 15 rat tales for 3 silver.

>>50076051
If you are being "That guy", you are being "That guy". There's no ifs ands or buts about that.

But its a necessary evil sometimes.

>>50076212
>That Guy builds a ranger/fighter
>specializes as hunter
>constantly bitches at GM to give him a pet wolf
>steals a cub from a wolf spirit's pack
>group becomes separated, wolf caught by blackmarket people
>keeps trying to convince us and everyone we meet in the town to help get his wolf back
>wants us to free a wolf in the middle of a starting rebellion with the group split between factions

Unless he never actually got the 4 or so levels in ranger required for it, he was owed an animal companion. The DM being a dick about it is on the DM, not the dude.

The rest of that, though, is blatant "That guy"

>>50074494
>As a DM, you gotta realize that the players may inadvertently deal with your shit quite well, and other times have issues with shit you thought would be way beneath them.

This has very much been the moral of the campaign I'm in right now. Sometimes you take down the giant dinosaur golem in one round, and sometimes fucking sewer demons fuck up the entire party. You just gotta go with it.

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I GM for a 5 player Dark Heresy group.

It's pretty good, and they all seem to really enjoy it, the only problem is that I have two That Guys.

One of them happens to be the party leader. I guess this was my mistake, as I allowed the players to choose the leader themselves to try and help build party dynamic. He volunteered and no one seemed opposed to him leading them. But he is entirely incompetent, and extremely... Submissive. His character is always indecisive, often leading our Tech-Priest Support to "assist" him in making decisions. His major contributions to the game has just been swearing like a sailor, because swearing makes him manly, right guys? He is rarely IC and it's infuriating, because we're running a more story based game, with focus on investigation and exploring.

Our other That Guy is worse. His character is a special snowflake Psyker who refuses to wear armor or wield a gun. He only wears his cloak and uses exclusively psychics in combat. He has never once been or talked IC. Seriously, he's other not talking at all, making shitty jokes, or trying to seduce NPCs. He's also playing a girl, so that's shitty too.

Another problem is that he can never make it to games on time, or even at all. He's been 30 minutes late to sessions, left halfway through a session, and even completely blown us off. I'd kick him out, but he's not the most emotionally stable either. I want to be sympathetic to someone who's pretty nice and going through a tough time, but they're honestly such a hindrance.

I just want to take my three good players and leave.

>>50076904

why don't you?

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>>50076904
>I just want to take my three good players and leave.

God I want to do this so badly. I have a Explorator in our RT game that is
a) Commits all sorts of tech heresy
b) Roleplaying consists of detached quips to the other party members
c) Has a obession for perfecting EVERY. FUCKING. THING.
d) Is nearly impossible to kill

The only reason I haven't kicked him out of my permanently is he's the only thing holding the goddamn starship together.

It only pisses me off even more that he claims he knows about 40k.

>>50076212
Do it man, kill that asshole.

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>>50060041

> OWod, It's crossover
> Be a damn ST
> player fcks up three times(she is the admin)
She's playing the street urchin on the run from the big bad Tech. and more than a little nuts
> Runs into MIB on the first day, turns self in.
> Run minor adventure for admin and murderhobo in a broken Tech chantry. let the players run out.
Literal MurderHobo, Homeless Stabbing Evil for sack of being evil. her Magic is drugs and Stabbings, herself and others.
> Second adventure, run her backstory, she's an escaped experiment.
> Enter Brokendown laboratory.
> Finds out she is a clone. MurderHobo takes over adventure and wants to unplug the Original Mage on life support
> Have to stop the adventure so admin can make her own damn choice in her own damn story.
> FastForward She's in the hospital. Don't know WHY I was on vacation that month.
> Gets prescribed Meds, agrees to take them, Other ST says they'll handle it. they don't. LazyFurr
> Meds make her a sleepwalker, but cures her insanity.
> MurderHoBo flushes meds down the drain
> Admin overdoses in desperate attempt towards sanity
> ??? Fuck this bitch
> Admin is the Sister of a high ranking NPC turned PC. Wants to fix her head.
> They're lazy fucks and never get around to it
> Runs around town, gets fucked by vampires. Bleeding out gets taken to hospital.
> Hospital says FCK IT and dejects her ass to a pyshic Ward. Run Living by Techies
> Enter "Rescue Mission" MurderHoBo, FurrFastist, Bronie(Nice guy, wrong crowd), and Bob. Bob Is cool
> Enter Normal hospital, magical hampering field. Not even a no magic field
> Enter Pam the Receptionist Huge Mind Shield
> MurderHobo casts knock off charm spell. Works kindof
> Pam explains the hospital procedures. Offers a Tour and A meeting with the Head Adminstration.
> Explains they'll need to give some ID
> Explains that they'll be searched for Sharp objects and Drugs. Reasonable, don't want sharp things around mentally damaged folks
(cont.)

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>>50077176
> MurderHobo flips his shit.
> Pam doesn't back down, All good will lost in this tantrum
> FurFast, Bronie and Bob agree and hand over ID
Why these fucking bitchs didn't use Fakes IDs. Fuck these dumb bitchs expecting me to hand them the Technocrats for a third time
> FF Bronie and Bob walk inside
> MurderHobo walks outside and around the back
> I try to introduce a simple character to explain the situation. Calls him a fag, welp that NPC is not going to help anymore
> Ground FireDoor only opens from Inside, Handle is on the Inside, cause yeah fuck this exact situation.
> Fire Escape swings down from second story
> MurderHoBo procedes to fail muliptle Climbs checks
> -murderhobo why don't you use magic-? Bitch has forces bitch has life. literally a dozen ways for her to do this. Dumb bitch never learned the game in over six months of play time. FFFFFFF
> Not helping her this time, cause fuck this bitch claiming to beat the techies twice before hand, with those preivous milk run shit.
> After about a hot minute of roll fail. Flaming jackass wouldn't use willpower. Declare he can simply forgo roll by taking an hour to do so.
> MurderHoBo is barely contianing his shit. I'm a smug ass, but I'm trying not to show it.
> Finally he'll calm down, and learn not to rush nope
>Realize He's been trying to rush blitz the scene the whole damn time
> I've sat down and ran a ten man PVP, I'm NOT getting rushed down
> At this point inside team has actually made progress.
> Bob distracted Nurse while FurFast and Bronie got away
> Nurse Explains the hospital staff, goals and operations

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>>50077202
> Nurse Explains the hospital staff, goals and operations

> MurderHoBo Calls inside. Says "Pull the Fire Alarm"
> Realize this is a desperation move
> I pause the session to talk with Side ST about what this means
>Reads Hospital procedure.
> Two Alarms. Aid has to go check before a general alarm is called. Makes sence flashing lights loud Noices around the unstable is a bad idea. Determines that makes perfect sences for techies control and procedure orienated paradigm.
> Standard technology is awesome. Cameras are awesome. Eletrical trips are awesome.
> They Pull the alarm
> no lights no loud noices ... beat ...
> Oldman runs around the corner out of breath with a fire extinguisher. Asks Fire?
> Bronie asks to call for the night. I like bronie I agree and let him and FurFast Fair escape away. Basically thinking escorted out
> Give rest of the players options to fair escape. They take it.
> Give Admin a chance to escape. fucks it up
> Escapes general population. Good Start. Runs into hallways without a clue, bad start. Not giving Players anymore chances. lead her to doctor. so we can move the plot
> Meets the Doctor. Doctor Asks what happened, being all dipolmantic. Please explain. Meeting you halfway.
> Roundhouse Sit. Luls No I have labcoat Armor.
> Runs away again
> I'm too nice
> Led her run to roof.
> has a temp guardian spirt, never claimed it. FFFFUUU
> Lets her climb onto the roof fencing. Tells her jumps = maybe escape, most probably death. Perfect opertunity to End the Madness Now, like she'd been wanting to and saying to for a while.
> Chickens out like a coward.
> Goes back
> Doc offers One more chance to explain. Attacks again.
> Doc is done with this and tazes the bitch. Should have just shot her.
> I'M SO DONE
> They complain. Fck these bitchs
> Handoffs the adventure to another ST. Rehash material. Don't care it's over.

(Cont)

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>>50077231
> two weeks later, Gets IDed for looking at the park with a telescoping magical item. ... From three miles away. LazyFucking Bitch gives the character's Secrete ID For free, To the Entire Venue. FUCK THAT CHEATING HORSE SHIT. Not the first time FurrFag has pulled that NPC metagaming horse crap. but just the right time for me to say fuck that sht.

>Two Weeks after THAT ADmin Murderfucks an old folks Home.
>Finally Two Weeks After that Roit for everyone not the ADmin's Cabal

>>50063207
Obviously She was giving the GM handies under the table

>>50065030
Anon, if you're still around, I'd like to hear more about Captain Clusterfuck and why he is banned from those classes

>>50074494

>my DM asked me to make a level 10 wizard to kill a group of level sevens because he's gotten tired of them basically

Well now I'm scared. I mean, I'm allowed to use pathfinder and 3.5 resources so I have snapdragon fireworks that dazes and chains and is persistent so they have to make 2 dc 23 saves to take avoid getting fucked and lose their actions for the round, but still. If something goes wrong, it's over.

>>50076051

this also worries me. I started by statting a wizard who used cursed items to soften them up and a bunch of assorted interesting spells, DM seemed disappointing with my showing, so now I've made the most bullshit minmaxed shit I can think of without just going straight ray blaster caster.

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When I used to participate in freeform RPs, there would always be one guy who would do random shit like pic related.

>>50078783
...which one is that guy?

>>50078836

If you have to ask, it's both.

>>50078836
The guy whose username and avatar is covered in white. There was no indication beforehand that he was planning on killing everybody, and this wasn't the first time he caused issues.

The guy in red was pretty cool, though he did enable this behavior occasionally by not directly calling out that guy.

>>50078207
>I've made the most bullshit minmaxed shit I can think of without just going straight ray blaster caster.
Wait are you trying to say ray blaster caster is good?
There are far better options, if you want to murder pcs really well use spells like.
Blindness/Deafness, with a perminant duration it will fuck up pcs a lot.
Summon Spells, just summon aether elementals, permanently invisible flying, and have ranged touch attacks out to like 400 feet.
Greater Invisibility.
Fly.
Hold Monster/Person/other save or suck spells.
And to make this all even better you have access to permanency which means all the protective spells can be up 100% of the time.

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>>50078783
>"I've always been a trap"

>>50062005
Lol, never heard of healslut before. Probably suits me a bit, cause my favorite class to play in a few games has been the Kingdoms of Kalamar priest of the Lord of Silver Linings.
TLDR: drop your HD from d8 to d6, no medium armor and can't use weapons that are piercing or edged. (Cause maces are more merciful?)
Trade off: Conjuration (healing) Spells can be cast 1 spell level lower for you.
>cure light wounds is a cantrip
Mercy Domain: Conju(heal) are cast at +2 CL, and thighs like Lesser Restoration are a level 1 spell.
Unique feat: 5 ranks in Heal required, add Charisma Modifier to the CL of any "Cure" spell you cast.
KoK books have loads of fluff/mechanical information, like spending XP to rise in the rankings of a church, which eventually ends at your cleric becoming the not-pope. All sorts of universal and unique benefits of rising in church rankings.
LoSL: Add Wisdom modifier to damage healed from Cure spells (not damage to undead)

Feats like divine metamagic Range and extra turning have made me into Jesus Christ's Multilaser.

Granted, it's kinda pigeonholed as a healbot, but I don't give a fuck, I think it's funny.

>>50062005
>>50062154
>>50062357
>>50062580
>>50062787
>>50062996
>>50063104
>>50063247
>>50063380
>>50063449
A tale worthy to be sung until the light fades from the universe, brother.

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>>50063247
>I remember imagining a blood angel kneeling in the shadows going 'yes dear, of course dear, I'll be home before 5 dear'.

>>50061629
Good guy DM?

>>50076321
>15 rat tales
>tales
Who the fuck do you think we are, the Grimm Brothers?

>>50079517
The "no peircing or edged weapons" thing is a reference to the medieval clergy, who were forbidden from spilling blood. Note that they were not forbidden from being badass, as long as they didn't spill blood, so they decided "well shit, we're going to have to go all blunt trauma on people's asses".

>>50073000
I know that feel bro.

>>50078783
i still do participate in freeform RPs

Better than that one, we're more structured and it was more like a collaborative story in the length of posts.

If ya'll want a story about a that guy, i can always pop it up, there's a reason we kicked him out of the fun times.

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>>50080978
Jesus tap dancing Christ, no shit that is EXACTLY how Pussy held his phone.

>>50068297
Thank you

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>>50060041
>I want to go presige class Master Chymist
>That guy GM - no you can't.
>Why.jp
>I will not let you

>MFW no face

>>50081680
Glad you saw my drawing.
Yeah, that's kind of the universal posture of someone on the phone who knows they really shouldn't be.

>>50060135
>not scaling the tavern with the characters level

>>50068820
It's fine they mention skype once.

>>50066947
To be fair, this is your typical racist dwarf asshole played right. but still an asshole

>>50081434
Didn't know that. Just figured it tied into the fact that Mercy Clerics aren't allowed to Coup de Grace EVER, but they're still supposed to destroy undead. (Smash skulls, ya know)

The amount of fluff was/is ridiculously silly, not just for them but for other churches too.

>KoK Church Rankings

1- any cleric (temple to your god=free inn for 3 nights)

2- guardians of some kind of shrine. Requires 100xp and get a copy of 'Muh holy booook!' (Can get a potion worth less than 300gp from church, and can pay with chores instead of GP)

3- buttfuck nowhere village priest. Need 250 XP & 4 ranks Know:Rel. (Get a 1st level adept as temple secretary, not adventurer. Ordain new clerics, free room/board/clothes/food for yourself, and can get a minor magical item made by a cleric of your level or lower and pay 1GP per XP cost to make.)

4- town cleric (pop<5000). Spend 500xp and make a COPY of "Holy boooook!" (1d3 1st level clerics as followers, only one adventurer grade. Room/board extends to family, or one-time cash 25gp)
Next post, cause I'm on a roll

>>50082392
>KoK church rank pt 2
5- city cleric (pop>5000), pay 1000 xp and have 4 ranks in Diplo. (Followers: 1 senior cleric lvl 1d4+2 and 1d3 1st lvl clerics. Temple has 1d4 common/expert employees, and you get 1st level commoner as a servant, +50gp a month stipend)

6- bigger city priest (pop~10,000). Spend 2000xp and 8 Ranks Know:Rel. (Followers keep piling up. Add 1d4 Clerics lvl 1d4+3 each, and 2d4 1st level cleric acolytes as followers. And CREATE A UNIQUE SPELL, at any level you can cast and pay nothing for it.)

7- your temple has +1000 worshippers. Spend 3000xp, 8 ranks in Sense Motive, and written (IC) an interpretation of a part of 'muh holy booook!'. (Now immune to secular law, you fuck up, the church handles it instead of gubamint. More followers: 2d6 first level warriors as temple guards. Gifted a medium magical item, usually a spell book with 2d6 spell scrolls inside, or a statue/shrine/bell for temple)

8- You a high priest now, no giving sermons anymore. Spend 5000xp, 10 ranks Diplo, and wrote your thoughts on "the holy booook!" Entirely. (2 more followers. Both are 4 lvl's below you, one is a cleric, the other is an 'Advisor' related to your faith. (Depending on God, could be paladin, rogue, etc) get another UNIQUE spell. Monthly stipend 100gp per character level.)

Part 3, just in case.

>>50081434

That's not actually true, you know. You have plenty of mentions of armed clergy using swords, off the top of my head, the mentions in the El Cid Ballads of whatshisface, Cid's personal chaplain, who would take to battle with Rodrigo with a blade.

"Clerics use blunt weapons" is something Gygax made up, apparantly after seeing the Bayeaux Tapestry and seeing Odo depicted with a mace. Chances are, he just used a mace (if he did use a mace and this isn't artistic license) because he liked maces for the same reason other secular warriors used them.

>>50082592
Plus blunt weapons can absolutely spill someone's blood.

>>50082566
KoK church ranks Fin
9- You're a not-Cardinal. Spend 10,000 xp and have 16 ranks in Know:Rel. (You say whats right/wrong with God in your turf. Can declare a dead character a saint of your faith. Follower: "An aristocrat or expert with several levels of Cleric or Monk. Specializing in politics or Diplomacy, she likely has a high CHA score and high ranks in Diplo/Bluff/Sense Motive, and feats or magic items to enhance those skills. She is a liaison, initial contact and barrier between people you don't want to (or have to) meet directly".)
>second to last rank, free diplomancer!
10- you are the Not-Pope of your religion, and can threaten entire countries that piss you off, either by telling your faithful to abandon the heathens to their fates or screaming 'Allah hu Akbar!'. Spend 15000xp and need 18 ranks in Know/Rel and 12 in Diplo.
>wait...you could become pope by level 15? Hmm....
Privileges: a second advisor, but this one with a different background/motive to act as devil's advocate. Because you can't get pope-mobile; you have bodyguards. 3d6 Fighters, Rangers, Paladins, OR Barbarians (depending on faith). Total levels can't exceed 80 and no single bodyguard can be higher than level 12. Total interdiction. (The 'take your ball and go home or declare a Jihad' above) but obviously the Nuke option, where it's better to HAVE it as an option (threat) than use it. Get 250gp per character level per month, but you can also say, "Gimme!" To anyone of your faith with an item you want and they have to give it to you.

Done sperging. Got the bug up my ass for some reason, lol.

>>50063449
Despite Pussy's shenanigans this sounds like you guys had fun. Not all is lost.

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>playing a cleric of a goddess of death
>nothing edgy, just don't want the natural cycle fucked up by necromancers
>monk/rogue is a naive kid (not literally, like 18), setting is in the middle of a warzone
>tends to drone on a little bit too long whenever he speaks, as a result my character finds him rather tedious
>we wind up in some sort of underground complex
>get ambushed by ghasts at some point
>mid fight, kid says the should surrender and we'd show them mercy
>after they near enough killed our sorcerer in the opening of the ambush
>nigga...
>BTFO the ghast because war cleric
>kid looks at cleric like she did something horribly immoral
>proceeding down a corrider with statue traps, easy enough for everyone to jump over
>kid wants to disarm them all
>cleric is getting increasingly impatient with him
>hear singing down the corridor
>find the source, it's a motherfucking banshee
>oh fuck that shit, ready my weapon
>bardbarian(custom class), kid, and sorcerer approach her like she's not gonna do anything
>Fuck that, guiding bolt
>She REEEEEEs through the wall
>kid gets annoyed by that,gets super passive-aggressive about it all
>eventually culminates in cleric pulling rank and giving him a bollocking
>tell him to focus and get his head back in the game before the corgi warlock opens another trapped chest because he was too busy sulking
>as he opens another trapped chest
>think this is some great inter-party drama
>the monk/rogue player is salty and sulks for almost the rest of the session until she apologised IC. Profusely
>Fight a Helmed Horror, it gets completely meme'd on by a Gust of Wind and a shit load of fire bolts
>cleric and rogue/monk didn't really do anything because the HH got seriously bullied
>after session and gm leaves, player complains that she doesn't enjoy tabletop anymore because she never ends up getting to do anything
>after she completely dicked over a revenant to a hilarious degree in my game the day before

God fucking dammit.

>>50076051
Yes, you are a worthless fucknugget, and the DM is worse.

FUCKING TALK TO PEOPLE YOU GODDAMN AUTISTIC LITTLE CUNTS.

There's no fucking excuse.

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>>50061239
>Pecan instead of hickory
>Spice rub and sauce

For what purpose?

Why argue about this? We all know who the winner of the ultimate That Guy is.

>Marty/Chief Circle/The Ao-Sue
All his games are a part of a "multiverse", where a self-insert of himself is fixing everything wrong with a system and setting.
>self insert is a homebrewed Vampire/Shapeshifter/Psionic who is orders of Magnitude more powerful than the Emperor of Man.
>and he dual-wields light saber Katanas
And this BBEG is secretly the "real Hero" of the story, and will use his powers to dick over the players so when he arrives, they will realize he is "the only real hope they have."
>Done through traveling back in time and re-writing the past through Chaos Theory.
>So players will be in a city that has no plants when the players need them, and will suddenly be half-rainforest when it makes things harder on the players.
>He can do this by using OOC knowledge of what the players are doing because the DM is psychically connected to his self-insert avatar.
>and the players weren't allowed to do that because:
>"None of you are psychic in real life."

That. Is the That-est of That Guy's to have ever congealed in the dumpster behind an abortion clinic.

>>50083170
Pecan best, hickory a shit.
>fite me motherfucker

Annoyance, low level that guy.
>Min-maxer, knows books in and out, will come up with crazy shenanigans.
>some spell that lets wizards warp to their familiar's location as a spell-like ability+50 torches=entire village burned to the ground from a crow flying over each house and he drops a single torch on every single roof.
Needless to say, he can derail plots in nothing flat. Then he DM's and overcompensates so we can't go "Turnabout is fair play"
>e6
>campaign starting at level 6, three man group.
>outside town
>Spot check for the monster that suddenly appeared behind you.
>know religion for the thing that looks like a giant moldy corpse
>ZERO actual details given except Run and Hide in that creepy mansion so I can start my plot.
>what little is given is enough for another buddy to pull out Monster Manual and look up "Decaying Angel"
>DM cackles maniacally in confirmation.
Sent a CR 15 at us to shepherd our e6 party into the start of his campaign, with the unspoken assumption being that the thing is sitting outside and gonna fuck us up if we just say 'screw this' and try to leave.

He's a good guy, and never goes into randumb territory, but it felt like I had a choke-collar around my neck and it was given a yank when he did that...

>>50083954
This guy gets it.

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>>50083654
>All his games are a part of a "multiverse", where a self-insert of himself is fixing everything wrong with a system and setting
All that can be fixed.
Send in Marge "Fate's Death Barrage" Dooley, the best killer in the multiverse

>>50086329
Never seen that one before. That's fucking hilarious.

>>50086329
Not even that luck would save you from the Ao-Sue and fucking Marty.
"Hey, I thought of using Telekinesis to mess with weapon safety's or bouncing back thrown grenade-"
>TELEKINISIS IS NOW A NINTH LEVEL SPELL!
He doesn't allow players to have things marginally useful unless it's connected to things he whacks off over.
>used d20 equipment tables for "Totes original Homebrew"
>Imp guard Las guns do 1d6 damage
>Las gun = short bow
>Retarded Star Wars fanboy
>Stormtrooper standard issue E-11 Blaster's do 4d8 damage.
Oh, and his self-insert character (which in his setting is possible because he's an Authyr-ohGodWHYDOESITHURTSOMUCH!?!) is the new Emperor of the Star Wars Empire.
No. he didn't kill Palpatine.
He walked onto the 2nd Death Star and Palpatine was "So impressed by the impudence" that he waved off his bodyguards.
15 minutes later, after a serious discussion and a touch of mide-rape, he convinced the Emperor to abdicate and retire because he was 'speciesist' and wasn't giving non-humans a fair shake in his empire, and the silver-haired, trench-coat-wearing faggot with heterochromia (one blue eye, the other is green....yes, fucking really...)
>"Deserved the Empire more than Palpatine."
Pally immediately makes a call and says, "I'm out, bitches! He's in charge!" And disappears.

>>50088234
The shit doesn't end, and I'll link to the proper threads later.

Or if you're impatient, go to suptg and search "Mary Sue"

It's near the bottom, 3 threads dubbed Suethulhu and the Sue files.

>>50088234
>Imp guard Las guns do 1d6 damage
The flashlight jokes are amusing in moderation, but that's really taking it too far.

>>50083654
>>50088234
I am deeply concerned that I could believe that actually happened.

>>50063480
stop i can only get so erect.

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>>50083654
>>50088234
I would kill to play a session with this guy, or at least sit in on one.

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>>50082966
>bardbarian
Does it seduce by muscles and politics?

>>50079517

sauce? I've been trying to find reference on this but haven't seen anything, what book is it in.

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>>50060041
When I post information about the next upcoming game into the group chat, I get absolutely no response from a certain player. He does this on a constant basis.

Although I try to understand that they have work. I also do get them to talk with me on rare occasion and they seem to have interest in the game.

However, at times, rather than give me an actual response to my question left in the chat over a week ago, player instead goes on literally two hours about the grinding they've been doing in FF7.

Because they haven't bothered to let me know when they're available, time that could have been spent in the tabletop game ends up being used for his achievement farming bullshit. I've even been invited to his streams and all he does is annoy himself and throw tantrums over the video games he insists on torturing himself with.

These are the story I heard from a friend recently, though 3/4 of the people involved confirmed, so I consider it accurate.
Highlights include
>one pc randomly being possessed by a dark goddess and going on a burn-village rampage
>2 lvl 1s repeatedly attacking guards and surviving
>the 3rd pc after confronting the two previous ones about the shit they've done being "gently elbowed by the gm to be reminded that he's feeling like taking a walk" so his mentor can astrally-project himself and tell him to save the murderhobos
>when 1 of them bed the inkeeper, the other, no questions asked rolls to seduce and fuck the 3rd pc, succeeds, 3rd pc wasn't even asked

>>50088529

dude wrote a shit-ton of blogs about it, I don't believe it's faked. For the full story check out irolledazero.blogspot.com. yes, really.

>>50080978

Fucking glorious.

>>50092125
Thanks anon, I appreciate it.

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>>50060899

>>50076212
DO IT

>>50091072
Kingdoms of Kalamar, Faiths of Tellene.

>>50088529
It did. It did...
>>50089129
No. no, you fucking would not.

This fucking cunt said he was a better writer than Terry Pratchett.

His multiverse is a few thousand fictional universes and his retarded daisy-chain-logic/Rules system was built SPECIFICALLY so he could basically say he was a better writer than ANY author whose reality his self-insert wandered into and started dicking with.

He went to Discworld.

He SOMEHOW got the "Auditor's of Reality" to join his multiverse army/empire, and the help him with the timely-wimey rape-the-players-agency shenanigans.

Why? Because his avatar is
>"Very persuasive to rationally-minded people."

This mother-fucker would have done the world more good if he'd been aborted and his fetus had been tossed into a bear enclosure at the zoo, because aside from one bear who died of indigestion, the world would have been better for it.

>>50095151
>got the "Auditor's of Reality" to join his multiverse army/empire
Oh my god, I forgot he pulled this shit. For anyone who doesn't read Discworld (R.I.P. Sir Pratchett), the Auditors of Reality are anal-retentive reality warpers with no sense of individuality and a deep hate of life and chaos. NOBODY can persuade them to join their side, not even Death (who actually is their sworn enemy for the "death and taxes" pun). The Auditors aren't "rationally-minded", they're the special kind of loony you get when you go through "rationally-minded" and out the other side.

>>50095218

they don't lack a sense of self, they hate the idea of having a sense of self. They seem utterly unaware of their own sense of self, but they definitely have one. They're basically one big fucking hypocrisy just sitting there, waiting to be pointed out.

>>50095151

dude didn't think ships needed supply lines until they shot their guns. Dude actively argued that you haven't actually written anything unless you've kept others from editing it, said it took away integrity. His first act as stupidly overpowered character was to become a vampire and then make a butler who lives his life to kill vampires serve him.

>>50095151
There's also the part where he gave NPCs credit for kills that the players got.
Or the part where the "SO EVUL AND PRAGMATIC" organization authorized for the players to use "whatever means necessary" and then deleted one of the PCs for using "whatever means necessary" to complete a mission.

>>50095151
>>50095218
And the only time the Auditors even came close to working with someone was when they hired an assassin to kill the setting equivalent of Santa.

They aren't rational, they're obsessed with order to the point that they want to kill everything so it stops moving.

>>50078783
>
That's pretty fucking funny.

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>In highschool
>Me and group of freinds always been interested in DnD
>Start our first simple by the books campaign
>Friend, call him Joe, makes a chaotic good bard
>Also have a tiefling warlock, gnome rouge, human paladin, and me elf ranger
>pretty simple
>While attempting to make character, Joe keeps wanting to be a bear
>We tell him no that's stupid, since we know he just wants to be stupid
>Wants to be a bear
>Extremely, wants to be bear
>DM compromises and gives him a bear disguise
>Campaign is simple at first, just going around talking to npc's having a good time
>Eventually Journey ends up in this mansion of an elf mayor or something like that, dont remember
>Have a rouge pickpocket, trying to do his pickpocket things
>Gets caught by a guard talking to Joe
>Guard asks Joe if he knows Pickpocket
>Joe says naw
>Tiefling Warlock comes in at the same time, and vouches for pickpocket
>Dispute settle
>Joe pulls over the two
>The Chaotic Good Bard "Hey us three can take that guard and his stuff"
>DM catches on this shit, and he aint having it
>Has him get caught, and after a dispute between Quest Giver and Important NPC, everything is fine except now the town doesn't like us
>Session ends, look at Joe
>whatdidido.jpg

There was also this other time
>Missed a session
>Talking with freind on skype
>Talks about what Joe did
>OH BOY WHAT DID HE DO THIS TIME
>Combat in the woods with some goblins
>Joe puts on bear costume
>Comes up to party
>Its a pretty damm good bear costume
>Players say "Oh shit a bear"
>Joe goes "No its me Joe"
>Players "Oh no he ate Joe"
>Asked friend if Joe rolled persuasion
>Apparently never did
>Even when friend says "Maybe if the bear PERSUADED us better"
>Joe fucking sits there
>Unaware that he has to roll things
>Litterally rolls for everything after told that he should of rolled for a stat

>>50095819
It's nice that there are still groups for the mentally handicapped.

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>>50095819
>Next session, I'm there, and mid combat with some goblins
>Paladin tries his best to spare every life, but only one goblin isn't killed by the party and is tied up
>Ask DM out of character: "Wait, can we get a goblin buddy!"
>DM says we gotta convince him
>Paladin speaks goblin, and is talking to goblin
>Pat him down just in case
>Find knife
>Knife is of personal importance to goblin, so he gets a bit angry and asks for it back
>But when the DM said "angry", in comes fucking Joe
>Who then casts dissonant whispers.
>On the tied up goblin
>Who has three people near him
>Who literally is not going to hurt anyone
>And nearly kills the goblin
>Everyone in character and out of character verbally expresses there confusion
>Joe: "But DM said he was attacking"
>I fucking pause, in light of sheer not being able to listen
>Now the party is trying to convince the goblin that Joe is just stupid
>Goblin really upset
>After some barely lucky rolls, says he'll help us on our quest, but only lead us in the right direction
>Session closes on that note
>Joe looks at us and says with the most sincerity "You guys suck at rolling we could of gotten the goblin to join us."
>Point out that he TRIED TO MURDER THE FUCKING GOBLIN
>Joe acts like that isn't problem
>Driving home from school
>Thinking about DnD session
>remember something
>fucking full on break in middle of road
>shout: HE'S FUCKING CHAOTIC GOOD
>HE'S DONE NOTHING CHAOTIC GOOD
>THE FAT FUCKER

Thats really all I got, everyone wanted to make new characters, except for me, and Joe made a true neutral monk, and he was just trying to go for saitama from One Punch Man

>>50076212
Do it man. Also, find a new GM. Your current one is suffering a severe case of stupid

Just posted one. >>50096191

Figured y'all would appreciate.

>>50095927
Joe sounds more clueless/adorable, rather than that guy.

>>50060135

Yeah, they shouldn't have expected real loot.

>>50095819
>>Asked friend if Joe rolled persuasion
>>Apparently never did
>>Even when friend says "Maybe if the bear PERSUADED us better"
>>Joe fucking sits there
>>Unaware that he has to roll things
>>Litterally rolls for everything after told that he should of rolled for a stat

But that's retarded. If the bear straight up tells you that it's Joe, why the fuck would your characters not accept that unless they're dumb? And why didn't you do a perception check instead and realize that it was a costume.

You guys just have it out for Joe.

>>50069840
>trying to start up a game
>have only two friends that want to play
>one of them is two of these things
SHIT.

>>50096395
>adorable
>guy who literally fucks the party over because either he's that fucking idiotic or that fucking randumb
Pick one.

>>50076904
Talk to him at least, express your grievances.

>>50077254
Sounds like a mess man

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>>50095819
>gnome rouge

>>50097981
Dancing in Moulin Rogue

Currently experiencing a GM who thus far has only come up with campaign-based reasons for me to not use anything but mundane character types. Some of them have even seemed legitimate. They pointedly haven't refused anything - just told me how difficult I'm making it for them by forcing them to learn the tech rules, and are apparently waiting for me to cave and be the guy with a gun, next to the magic ninja, insect super-ninja, the hulk, mind-reader, and master strategist.

What do?

>>50099486
If they don't have the balls to tell you no, do whatever you want.

>>50077176
Is her name Alice?

>>50099505
This.

>>50099486
>They pointedly haven't refused anything - just told me how difficult I'm making it for them
Not refusing the character outright, just explaining that your character would make more work for them.
That doesn't seem so-

>by forcing them to learn the tech rules
>GM doesn't want to learn the rules
>whines about it to player to get him to change character
>I don't remember going into the"trigger the GM" thread
Fuck him with both barrels
Learn the rules yourself
Give him no leeway, the little bitch.

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>>50073142
Did you tell him to get out and not to let the door hit his ass?

I'm really weirded out by the number of Warhammer That Guy stories, but it does lead me to suspect something my group's regular GM said a long time ago may be true.
Every Warhammer player is That Guy.

>>50101571
Only faggots like that setting anyway. If they play WFRP or any others its a easy sign you don't want them in your game.

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>>50076212
Do it. Adopt the wolf after. Treat him well

>>50102736
I've always found WHFRP are some of the best parties, though that's because we rolled for career. Can't have any Mary Sue/MinMaxer shenanigans when your stats are rolled in front of the party and your character is a frogwife.

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>>50105302
I see that you're still shitposting around virt. Please go and stay go

>>50105332
Afraid not, some people just have positive experiences with different games. Sorry that WHFRP's never worked out for you.

>>50105302
>anon posts positive opinion devoid of caustic attacks on anyone or anything.
>>50105332
>virt
What?
Are, are you attempting humor, having a stroke, or legitimately stupid?

>>50105618
No, its just only idiots would defend that horrible system.

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>>50105368
Au contraire, I liked the ruleset of WHFRP, even in it's homebrewed state. I just disagree heartily with this disgusting fellow >>50105302

>>50105618
>anon posts positive opinion devoid of caustic attacks on anyone or anything.
No, anon, are you the retard who can't read into the attack on point buy systems?
>Can't have any Mary Sue/MinMaxer shenanigans when your stats are rolled
>implying you can't have mary sue minmaxers with rolled stats
>especially with rolled stats
Seriously, go get a reality check. You are so far away from the truth that you might as well be on another plane of existance.

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>>50106057
If you're a troll 7/10. Made me respond but put a bit too much work into it.

Otherwise consider that there are in fact different ways to play different games, depending on the sort of campaign you want.

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>>50106191
>Still does not argue back that Mary Sues can and will exist even if people roll for stats
And you just proved my point.

Point buy might not be your preferred way of making characters, but you are an idiot if you believe that with random stats and randomized characters, the player can't play said character like a Mary Sue.

>>50106024
>No, its just only idiots would defend that horrible system.
See, that's a fine opinion to say. Say that.
But calling every one you think is an idiot "virt" is dumb.

>>50106057
>No, anon, are you the retard who can't read into the attack on point buy systems?
No, I'm the guy who doesn't consider a hyperbolic positive statement as an attack on the opposing view.
Saying, "I'm super totally right!" is not an attack.
Saying, "You're super totally wrong!" might be an attack.
Saying, "You're a shiteating piece of cock-gargling choad spittle for advocating the use of a window-fucking point-buying system for sister-raping min-maxer cunt-dumpsters like you." is more of a virt attack.

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>>50060041
>game happening in an unstable sector with heavy political intrigue
>everyone wants to play a space traders' misadventures game
>make a few good characters, all contributing to the group
>That Guy makes a cyborg ninja
>plays him like a brain damaged junkie
>wants us to sell our first shipment to the black market for less money, just so we can rub shoulders with criminals
>This Guy has to interject constantly so that we wont get killed by whatever authority That Guy pissed off
>This Guy leaves and chain of command ends up with That Guy on top

He eventually fucked off and we even got the This Guy back, but just thinking about it upsets me.

>>50079056

I'm saying going for straight ray blaster is the best way to kill someone in one shot. If I was lazy that'd be what I did.

Instead I took snapdragon fireworks from pathfinder, made it daze, made it chain, then made it persistent(make the save? Save again!), then took a couple DC increasing feats. I'm opening by taking away their ability to act and following up by killing them with fireballs. There's no way they're making a DC 25 save twice in a row with how poor their builds are.

My DM asked me to not use magic items, so I decided permanency was out too, or you better believe I'd have permenancy greater invis and fox's cunning up.

But yeah- if I'm using blindness/deafness(which is a great spell don't get me wrong) all I'm accomplishing is to make them less effective. Killing them is therefore more effective, since I don't have allies in this fight, just me.

I did a google, apparently Aether Elementals can't be summoned by RAW.

I would use Fly and Greater Invisibility(my first plan involved Greater Invisibility and ample use of Explosive Runes, so there's that), but I already explained my save-or-suck spell choice.

Ray casters are garbage in 99% of situations. Situations which involve just trying to kill three people as fast as possible, surprisingly, is not one of those occasions, because you take them down in 3 turns. I'm hoping to pull that off with fireball, but yeah.

>>50060899
Kek

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Okay, so I'm partially that guy for the dickish shit I do to that guy, but here's my lovable that guy

>acts like a asshole, but when you call him out on it "Nah maannnn, I'm just telling you how it is, if you're character is shit its just shit"
>we had to give up telling him the multiple times to not vape in his brothers house, who is our DM
>no beer at the group meeting either, since you're a alcoholic if you drink any amount
>no dark/morbid jokery or foul language
>oh but if you have tits, better prepared to have a very large bald guy creepily hit on you, and try to pamper your character
>takes any insult against his character as a personal insult

I could go on for posts about this guy if I really had to.

Gotta bump this thread up!

>>50079517
Shits and giggles; keeping bumped with some of those extra cleric rules from KoK, because why not?
Merciful fates first, just cause I already got most of those out of the way. The other stuff:

Use Turn Undead to Give allies in 20ft a +CHA mod bonus to all skill checks and saves for 10 minutes
Church advancement specifics:
1: no penalty to heal checks if no Healer's kit:
2&3: Long term Care can be provided to more people, +1 per character level
>good for RP, but otherwise useless.
5: Bonus WIS Mod to Cure spells.
6: 200gp a month Stipend
7&8: 300gp a month stipend, extra Cure Light wounds available every day, and 8 gets a follower from ANY class that can cast Cure spells. (DM approval)

Interesting bit besides extras is that the unique church's have extra requirements too.
4: Need at least 10 ranks in the Heal skill
7: Need 15 ranks in Heal.
10: Can't be the merciful Fates Not-Pope if you can't cast Ressurection, on top of the generic requirements.

And for fun, Mercy Domain spells.
1: lesser restore
2: remove curse
3: remove disease
4: neutralize poison
5: dispel evil
6: restoration (greater)
7: Mass Cure serious wounds.
8: Holy Aura
9: Freedom.

Next up; some of the lawful-awful Clerics and their shit.

>>50062005
I like to imagine that healers know of the stereotypics associated with their rooe, and do whatever they can to make up for whatever they really lack so that they aren't JUST healers.

So now your white mage is this guy who has analyzed all the monsters in the region, how to treat what they can do to someone, and how best to have other members (rarely, sometimes themselves) do in order to kill said beasty

Cue combat vet magic medicine man/woman staring down lv1-average parties and spitting at them when he sees no potions. Fucking jobber noobs.

>>50095927
>fucking full on break in middle of road
>shout: HE'S FUCKING CHAOTIC GOOD
>HE'S DONE NOTHING CHAOTIC GOOD
>THE FAT FUCKER

This soo much this.
>driving home from a game
>one chick walk in gangland shooting and dies without backup
>Bro : SHE HAD A FUCKING CELLPHONE
>Me: What?
>Bro : SHE HAD cell phone she could have called for help

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>>50097452
It was, I got more stories good and bad. I got a bunch of them recorded somwhere

>>50099603
Which one? the murderhobo, admin or lazybitch. non of them were an Alice I don't think I remember

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>>50106760
>assuming that he's talking to the same person
Now I know that you are just shitposting

>>50095151
I'm pretty sure my cat is a better writer than Terry Pratchett, its not exactly a high bar

>>50111572
>>assuming that he's talking to the same person
I'm assuming?
Who's talking to the same person?
What?

Dude I literally just replied to the two posts that replied to one of mine and addressed specifically what was said in those posts in response to mine.
I am legitimately confused as to what you could be on about.
Please consult your own image.

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>D&D 5e
>DM starts campaign by randomly telling me my guy is a criminal
>this affects the rest of the campaign - literally cannot clear my name without removing character from play by going to prison
>never get to RP cause party doesn't wanna get nailed as accomplices to the crime that I was forced to tack on
>never get to fight anything and at least flex my decent stats because no combat
>never level up
>never get loot
>constantly suffering exhaustion because no money for food
>"I'd like to do a survival check to get food"
>"You find rabbits but they're too fast to kill"
>every. fucking. time.
>enter DM's pet
>gets mad fucking loot
>munchkin'd as shit so overshadows every party member in combat
>becomes the protagonist of their own personal adventure
>we're just sidekicks at this point
>"maybe you guys should try and create more plothooks for your characters if you have a problem"
>DM gives them priority in RP and loot
>this fuck never shares any money at all
>randomly gets thousands of gold for doing approximately jack shit
>the rest of us can go fuck ourselves
>later I discover an assassin is out for our lives
>track him down and use my maxed STR score to try and break his house's lock
>not allowed to use athletics just a flat STR check but whatever
>nat 20, total of 25
>"the lock is too complex for you to break"
>excusez moi
>get sick of this shit, make character suicide by cop
>make cleric
>not forced to be a criminal anymore
>try to find RP opportunities by working with construction guys in battlement repair
>work all day, have to listen to DM's pet during his quest that he undertook solo
>this takes six fucking hours of level 4 pet RP'ing by himself
>fights CR8 monster solo
>no combat, no RP, DM just says he succeeds
>gets 10,000 gold
>cut to my guy at the end of the day
>I find and hear nothing of interest during my construction and healing efforts
>get paid 1 silver
>everyone but pet gets fed up and we all just pack up and leave right there
>never come back

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>>50112179
Oh wow

Please tell me this all happened in a session. I can't believe anyone would ever be so retarded as to stay with a shit GM like that!

>>50112204
lasted about 6 sessions. DM would always say "he'd do better" and we were willing to give him a shot cause he was a friend. Not a bad guy, but by god was he a dogshit awful DM.

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>>50112227
Holy shit!

Did you tell him he's a fag and that the way he pampers to only one guy is absolutely homo?

>>50112179
The only way this could be worse was the way I misread it at first:
DMPC instead of DM Pet.

But seriously, after one hour of downtime, I'd call it quits for the session, maybe for good.
I'm the there to play, not because my time is worthless.
That you all sat and watched for 6 hours is frankly unbelievable.
You could watch about 18 episodes of Futurama, or Bender's Game and the other three movies in that time.

>>50112238
Tried, but unfortunately he was passive as fuck. He never tried to defend or explain his decisions or even communicate with anyone at all. Someone would bring up an issue and he'd just say "Uhh yeah. I'll work on it for next session", and never did. It was like he would hear what we said to him, but his brain failed to register any new information and it was like he was incapable of expressing his thoughts on anything.
Campaign probably could have actually survived if he gave a fart about player-gm communication

>>50112342
the six hour session was the last straw for us. We hurried him along, but he would keep replying with "It'll just be a second and then we can cut back to you guys" 2 guys just ended up falling asleep.

On the bright side, after we jumped ship one of our guys stepped up to learn how to GM and has been manning a great campaign for about 9 months

>>50112386
>one of our guys stepped up to learn how to GM and has been manning a great campaign for about 9 months
Shoulda done this by hour two.

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Same as last time
Edgy Fag Stabbed me because I told him to STFU and GTFO because he kept trying to derail everyone with his shit

>>50106380
Godspeed, Don Quixote.

>>50112735
You know, without details I'll just assume that the player got angry and shanked you IRL

get well soon anon <3

>>50112776
IRL about two years ago it was actually funny
Fucker started blubbering and steaming then flipped the table (My poor table it is still missed)
Flicked out a switchblade without cutting himself somehow
Shanked me twice and then ran out the door
I then heard a loud thud and went outside the door
The Tard tripped on my stairs and stabbed himself in the leg
I keked for hours after the cops took him off and I fixed myself up

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>>50112770

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>>50112800
...What? For real?

Feeling like sharing some extra info?

>>50112848
Craigs-list is not to be trusted
Never heard of that shit-stain again
I try to stay calm and keep people calm if I think they might be dangerous
I keep a eye out for weapons even more then before now

>>50073722
Don't rock the boat, baby!

>>50112876
how in the goddamn did things escalate to him stabbing you? was he already tweaked when he arrived?

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>DMing 3.5 D&D
>Halfway through campaign, dwarf fighter decides he wants to find and use a scythe instead of his dwarven war axe
"Okay, why"
>Because the scythe is a better weapon, minimum 2 damage, higher crit damage, etc.
"But why would your character use it?"
>He doesn't need a reason, it's a better weapon!
"Your character doesn't know what dice you're rolling for damage, he's just trading a war axe, a weapon he's been training and fighting with for decades, with a scythe; a farm implement. You can use it, I just want your character to justif-"
>This is Bullshit, you just want us to struggle.

>>50114157
>3.5
>you just want us to struggle
Did you force him to roll a fighter? If not, that's on him.

>>50114173
His choice.

>>50114157

wait why is a fighter not capable of recognising a weapon is better than his current one? Every aspect of damage is an absurd abstraction, stabbing someone with knife should absolutely be lethal, so why isn't he allowed to recognise that the scythe is somehow better than his war axe, and choose to pursue it? You're not explaining why he's not allowed, DM.

>>50068297
So...there's more, right?

>>50114157
>Being autistic about what someone uses to kill something

Why

>>50099505
>>50100851
The problem with that is there's no first session until everyone has sheets finalised.

I've already handed in four variations for a gunman that isn't *just* a gunman, starting over when the GM didn't like it or said it would cause pvp problems. The last one, they asked if I prefer that ("difficult") build or the previous ("pvp causing") build.
I said difficult, and everyone is now sitting on their thumbs waiting for the GM.

>>50114157
>I just want your character to justif-"

Don't you think you're being a little too anal about this, Anon? Any fighter-like class is probably going to have a good idea of weapon efficiency because it's their job to know these things. That's hardly meta gaming.

>>50114302
As I said, he's totally allowed. I just want a character justification, in game.
And if this were true, if every fighter somehow intrinsically knew what weapons do higher damage, wouldn't that mean that entire militaries would be restructured around the best damage dealing weapons? Wouldn't their be entire armies comprised of scythemen, ready to cut down grain and men alike?
Like I said, I just want a reason why this 80 year old dwarf, survivor of countless battles and already effective with his chosen weapon, would drop it for, what I personally consider more of a tool than an actual weapon.

>>50114364
This is why I prefer systems where changing weapons doesn't change the damage you do.

Waraxe, scythe, dagger, tea cup, swung doggo, whatever.

>>50114157
>>50114426
So rather than putting the guy on the spot for an answer before you move on, let them come up with something by the end of the session or the start of the next session.

>>50114426
For the same reason not all wizards have their spell lists optimized but still inherently IC know what every single spell they can choose to gain upon levelup does.
DnD is a gamist system, not narrativist or simulationist.

>>50114475
I should have mentioned in my original post, this was before we started the session. Before he even found a scythe in game. Plenty of time to come up with one.

>>50114492
Wizards can justify that because they train for years studying up on their craft. A soldier trading his pointy thing for a different pointy thing because this one's 'better' should be able to explain why his character thinks it's better.

>>50114502
>>50114538
Except that fighters have training years too and are proficient with all martial weapons. You don't get proficient by knowing how to use a similar but slightly different weapon, but by learning how to use that weapon specifically. (Which is why 1-handing a bastard sword requires EWP when 1handing a longsword is basically the same thing)
The fighter already knows how to wield a scythe and is specifically proficient with it.
Just wanting a better choice because it's better is a good enough reason.

ThatDM

>Things have been boring, here's a boss fight
Okay. We are on an adventure in the Caribbean. Suddenly, we are being boarded.

>Can we stop the boarding?
No. It took you a turn to recognize you were being boarded, and now you're already boarded.

>Whatever, none of us have Sailing skills anyway, we're relying on a shitty NPC captain.
Okay, ten pirates jump on your boat, including a massive, dual-wielding boss pirate.

>Fuckit imacharge. Fuck up my roll terribly. Pirate starts kicking my ass. But I'm the party tank, so I take these things in stride. Rest of the party proves similarly useless.
DM's Pirate Boss proceeds to knock my dick in the dirt and smack me around the deck while the other pirates and the party are occupied.

One of the minor pirates runs off and grabs the McGuffin from belowdecks on our ship and says it's time to go. DM says his pirate is going to disengage.

>By now I'm used to the DM being ThatDM, so I'm like, fuck it, I guess Pirate Boss escapes to harass us another day. But one of our newer players asks if I get to attack him as he's running away.
DM looks flustered. Finally, he says we'll treat his "retreat" as a combat maneuver. He will be using all his combat actions to "escape." I can prevent his escape if I use as many combat actions to do so. Oh, and the boss by default has +1 combat actions over my character. So, I literally can't.

>New idea dawns. Instead of trying to block him escaping... use all combat actions to simply follow him and attack him as he's running away, hoping to kill him before he can leave. Roll. Whack out the rest of his Pirate Boss's lifepoints with a mighty swing!
DM looks annoyed. He looks through the rolls. "Uhh... I based the Pirate Boss on the Berserker class, so he has Hard to Kill, which means he has +5 hitpoints than usual. So he gets away very wounded."

GM pulls rules out of his ass to save his Pet Pirate and deny an epic confrontation where my character was almost on Death's Door anyway.

>>50114538
>A soldier trading his pointy thing for a different pointy thing because this one's 'better' should be able to explain why, because they train for years studying up on their craft.

Knowing how to hit things properly & doing so ... that's what they do.

>>50114577
Yes I get that, but my question is WHY DOES HIS CHARACTER THINK IT'S A BETTER WEAPON. That's all. I want a single sentence explaining why, IN GAME, this is a better weapon.

>>50114538

>has spent 60 years as a soldier

"fighters can justify that because they train for years studying their craft. A wizard choosing the most powerful spell when they only just learned how to cast spells that powerful should be able to explain why his character wanted that spell"

>>50114625
>>Because the scythe is a better weapon, minimum 2 damage, higher crit damage, etc.
"It hits more reliably and can be potentially deadlier than what I have" is what that OoC translates to IC, which is a fucking good enough reason.
Fucking satisfied?

>>50114667
The U.S. military determined that most soldiers (MOST) get more and more useless after 400 days of combat. Their effectiveness peaks at around 100-200 days of active combat, but after 350-400, their effectiveness steadily drops off because they're war weary, shell-shocked, and generally fucked beyond repair. It's why they introduced shorter tours of duty following the World Wars.

a soldier who's at war for 60 years is little more than a collection of nerves, spasms, and paranoia.

>>50114712
Yes. Half of that would have sufficed. That's what i asked for; why his character wants it, other than "it's better".

>>50063449
Pale was such a bro.

>>50114722

The US military has also determined human beings can't throw fireballs. Your point?

Also, records indicate that used to be higher, before we lived in an age where all violence was discouraged, and 60 years of experience isn't 60 years of fighting. If he spent 20 years as a guard, he probably only spent 5-6 days with any actual real fighting in that whole time, but spent those twenty years training. This isn't hard to understand.

How much bullshit are you going to pull out here to explain you wanting to stop a player from making choices about their character?

>>50114067
That part I don't rightly know
all I remember are
1.Dragons
2.Totally not a Harley in a fantasy setting
3.totally not a army of demons he commands at will thanks to his unknown edgy powers (which he totally mentioned in his backstory)

>>50114790
Oh. Sorry. I thought we were basing it on real life. My bad.

And it did used to be higher, you're right. But I doubt the military discouraged violence. Rather, the military figured out the optimum amount of time to use a soldier.

As evidence that the military has NOT just softened up and become anti-violent, I present the Skinnerian psychological conditioning our soldiers now go through. The military found that around 90% of soldiers never fired their weapons in the direction of the enemy, so they started conditioning them to shoot at anything that moves from Korea onwards.

>>50114790
Not the same anon, anon.

>>50114625
See >>50114599

>>50114846

what I mean is that we, culturally, discourage violence. Go back a few hundred years and that was not the case. The military can't undo 18 years of cultural training to not like violence, so when people commit violence they tend to get psychologically damaged by the trauma. PTSD, anyone? All that training did is keep people from thinking about the fact they're about to kill a person ahead of time. They still get the hit from it afterwords

>>50114846

the post referenced wizards. How did you think it was based on real life?

>>50081714
COOOOORDELL

>>50112848
Of course it isn't for real, no one gets stabbed twice and "fixes himself up".

>>50114426
>taking D&D this seriously

>>50115559
>Not taking D&D this seriously

>>50116039
>taking not taking D&D this seriously

>>50115527
Two stabs from a simple pocket knife is extremely easy to fix up unless you're stabbed in a vital organ or a major artery you basically just got a booboo.
Wash it with water
Dab it with Alcohol
Bandage
Done now go back to eating pizza

>>50114741
>All those posts mad that asked for justification.
I'm with you bro.

I do the exact same thing all the time.
I had a few players balk until they realized that I don't want a dissertation with citations.
I want a reason that makes some kind of sense.
I want an excuse to let you do the thing you wanna do.

Players who won't put forth the effort of coming up with one tiny sentence worth of explanation don't get shit.

It's like expecting penny candy to be free.
Give me a penny's worth of justification, damnit, then you get your shit.

>Pc1 being attacked where pc2 can't see.
>I rush over there to help
>Why, you can't see the battle?
>I, uh, just remembered they had a sale on figs and I want a fresh one?
>Sounds legit, roll initiative as you enter the scene.
Or
>Why? Because I gotta help him! God, you are such a dick! You just want fuck us over. Fuck you, you railroading shit.
>*waiting for an IC reason iintensifies*

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>>50117200
>Why? Because I gotta help him! God, you are such a dick! You just want fuck us over. Fuck you, you railroading shit.

>>50117200
Thank you, that's what I'm trying to do. I want my players to have fun, and I want them to do what they want to do, but there needs to be a reason in the context of the game. Otherwise the game losses it's meaning.

>>50117959
> Things that totally did

>>50063207
>paladin decided to take her unconscious body in to the local authorities after knocking her out. As he’s taking her in, vigilantes come in and request he gives her to them. Our paladin is like no justice is justice and goes straight to the guards of the town.

this is how you DON'T play a paladin, the dead deserve justice, gotta smite that bitch

>>50118181

Someone called you a railroading shit out loud? If so, how did you react?

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>>50065030
>summoning a whale while airborne only to have it land on and kill a dragon and two party members.

this is the opposite of a problem

>>50118269
Packed up my shit and left. Called up my other friends and joined their ongoing game. Fuck that abuse, srry Anon no big story here just a bunch of ungrateful and my short time. I've learned there's just no point in putting in time for people that just use you as a cum rag. Only one of them was any cool and he left the country.

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>>50118243
>the dead deserve justice
>smiting is justice
>getting someone hung by trial is not

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>>50073948
>>50073863
what a weenie DM, don't use crit tables if you arn't prepared for the consequences

alternatively, don't hand out vorpal longswords to first level fighters

>>50118396
I'm baffled. Nerds are usually passive aggressive and go to /tg/ asking "would punishing his PC teach him a lesson?", not being confrontational.

Good for you being a man and leaving.

>>50082966
>corgi warlock

>>50084031
bullshit railroading.
only time i had a good dm strongarm us into a hook with a monster was with mind flayers, in a game that had up til that point had 0 psionics, so we were just standing around in the cave taking damage with no idea why. if any of us had made a check we might have been able to find/drop it in a fight

good shit, a curveball, not an UNFAIR curveball but a curveball

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>>50114584

>Uhh... I based the Pirate Boss on the Berserker class, so he has Hard to Kill, which means he has +5 hitpoints than usual

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>>50118412
they noted how guards did fuckall about the murders, paladin's gotta make justice where there is none.

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>>50118546

So Eldritch Blast, Much Cthulhu

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>>50118810
>paladin's gotta make justice where there is none
>getting someone trialed isn't justice
>because the guards couldn't arrest anyone
>therefore vigilante murder is justice

Sure thing, senpai

>>50114584
Alright, completely ignoring the heinous That GM Dickfuckery, how in Nodens' name did a ship approach and board you in one fucking turn? Was it a bloody submarine? Was it invisible?

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>>50118479

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>>50118871
I have a few theories

>>50061239
I like to buy expensive steaks and then microwave them until they're well done.

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>>50119153
Funnily enough, that's precicely what will happen to you if I ever get my hands on you.

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>prep game, tell my 3 players 4 weeks in advance
>only one of them show up on the day with a char sheet that he sent to me earlier that week to check things over
>second guy barely even started and wastes 2 hours after the game was supposed to start trying to fill it in and getting distracted.
>third doesn't even show up, and when called says that she has relatives over. And that she wants to spend time with them instead.
>she didnt say anything prior, giving me no warning and ignored me asking about her situation until then
>she didn't even start on her character sheet.
God fucking damnit, its even worse because this was session 1, and I had it planned out for 3 people.

on the plus side, the two that showed up still had lots of fun, and the game went off without any problems.

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>Playing 4e at a gaming store as a player
>Anyone can join, often have new members every session
>DM is a volunteer, just writes them into the story
>Some quick fun games with some new faces each week
>Man drops off his 12ish year old son one week
>Kid has his phone out and is playing videos on speaker the whole time
>His turn comes around, he has no idea what is going on
>Rolled his own character, knows nothing about it
>We try to have a good time in spite of this
>Kid interrupts players turns to show us memes on his phone
>His dad comes to pick him up, we tell him how things went
>Dad continues to drop his son off each week
>I learn how to DM
>Host my own sessions on game night
>Refuse to let that kid play in my group

>>50119554
Is the kid just retarded, or is the dad too cheap to hire a sitter?

>>50119987
the kid's just being a kid.

>>50118396
>>50117200
Not me

I am >>50118181

>>50117959
>Things that never happened
Congratulations on spotting hyperbolic falsehood in a fabricated example used to illustrate a point.
My players aren't That Guys. A couple initially balked in forgettable ways.
More like, "uh... ...what? Can't I just do it?"
But that makes for a boring example.

>>50120410

When half of the examples in this thread involves literal bursts of autism, it is not easy to spot exagerations.

>>50060041
>Player makes CN Fighter
>Constantly stealing everything
>Claims their gifts
>He's a noble (but doesn't know from which house)
>His signet's a raven
>He's a member of the Knights of Blood
>In a medieval Britain he named his character Gabriello DiAngelo
>He's not a foreigner

>>50120839
>>His signet's a raven
>>He's a member of the Knights of Blood
Fucking magpies.

>>50118855
Lawful Good: if the law isn't Good, or good isn't Lawful, fuck it, get shit done yourself

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>>50121014
>punishment isn't good
>murder is good
>trials aren't lawful
>vigilantism is lawful

I think this hole is big enough, senpai

>>50121097
She was guilty of attempted murder and manslaughter, witnessed by a warrior of a god who quite obviously doesn't like those things. If anything he should have smote her in the hospital

>smug anime girl.jpg
Oh wait, you're just shitposting

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>>50121178
Does this make you feel better?

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frequent description of beautiful young girls (tm)

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>Be us 10 or so people in an adventure
>GM wants to start a new Quest
>One of us get seperated and into the dark part of the town
>There is a homeless child 7ish
>Steals the purse of separated anon
>Flips his shit and runs after the kid
>Punches him in the head
>Kid skiddes over the floor
>Kid pulls a rusty shiv
>Anon critical fails literally every singe roll
>Gets shanked by the fucking child
>child is in shock while he is holding his wounds to not bleed out
5MinutsLater.jpg
>We found him in a pool of his own blood with a kid next to him with a bloody knife
What.wmb
>We Patch him up, healer heals him and the rest is aksing the kid what the hell is going on.
>Friend that got shanked gets up and Slaps the kid
>Crits
>Child is knocked K.O
>Whole goup : What the fuck dude?!
WeAreNotFinishedYet.mgs
>Get to the child and wants loot him
>GM looks at him with the deepest stare
>A satre that forms the qustion "Are you retared?"
>GM finally says "Well he doenst got anything on him anon he is a homeless child what did you expect he only got a old knife and his cloth"
>"W...W WELL GOOD THEN I TAKE THOSE"
TheReturenOfTheWhats.mov
>GM:"Well anon you took his cloth and his shiv the kid is now in his underweare..."
>"I want those too"
OhGawd.Avi
>"o.. o.. Okay you take the underpants of the child that only wants money to buy food, you knocked out and its now naked on the floor"
>"Well i kick him the last time for the road"
>actually fucking kills this poor basterd
>GM is pissed
>"Townguard is stading behind you"
>Get to jail and gonna get Hanged for Raping a child and Killing it
>Make plan to break out of the jail
>Before that we breake the Arms and Legs of the anon who did all this shit

mfw he got hung the next morning
mfw we were out of town by then
mfw this anon never played with us again


Sorry for the long post :c

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>>50121807
>guy gets angry and slaps around some pissy pickpocket after almost getting stabbed to death by the fucker.
>DM and co demonizes the guy for acting like any upstanding gentlman of noble birth would do to a lowly pissant spawn
>guy goes to loot his stolen shit back
> C-Child lover!
jokes and jests aside, the guy killing the kid was too much, but your group and DM sound like they have a lawful good stick up their collective rectums.

>>50122078
Well in his defense he planned a full story about the child and well he just killed him off

>>50122161
but from your post it sounded like you guys cornered him into acting brashly. Ofc he'd try and act tough and kick the kid to make him feel less targetted.

Even barring that, it sounded like the Kid kept just stabbing the guy instead of maybe trying to plead with him once he got cornered, like any kid would do instead of fighting like bill cypher.

If the kid jept trying to reason or talk the guy into calming down, albeit in his 7 year old way, he probably would've thought twice about wanting to bash his thieving little head in.