ITT: D&D stories:

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>>50019024
>letting him do this in the first place
What a nice fake story you made up. Please hold this octopus for a few moments for your reward.

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>>50019024
0/10

kill yourself

>>50019024
So like, you're actually underage, or just drunk?

>>50019024
>be me
Good, I'm glad this was established.

It's your own fault for letting him roll before saying what his roll was for.

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>>50019024
0/10

Tired of obviously fake D&D stories. Try higher quality bait.

>Be playing Pathfinder with a That Guy
>That Guy outshines other players and gloating about it
>thiswillnotstand.jpg
>Pull out the FATE Core Rulebook.
>The mere sight of a better game caused That Guy to start to disintegrate, like a vampire in sunlight.
>thetrillbydoesnothing.jpg
>That guy charged at me with his katana
>nicked me in the throat just as he disappeared.
>Spend a Fate Point.
>Throat wound was nothing.
>Proceed to play FATE with friends.

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>be me
>totally boning this girl
>throw her on the table
>dice everywhere
>all of them land on nat 20s
>even the D4s
>blow the fatttttest loads
>scream at the top of my lungs
>"ITS CRITICAAAAAAAL"
>girl shakes violently before semen erupts from all of her orifices
>slide her dead body all over the table, knocking over more dice
>more nat 20s
>penis explodes and the meteoric shaking collapses the house
>then a skeleton popped out

>be me playing D&D
>new guy at table playing drow monk
>chaotic neutral
>half way through game, time to order pizza
>new guy starts arguing about food
>insists it's his turn to pay for pizza
>welcome to the team

>>50022829
this literally never happened anywhere and never will

>>50022829
This isn't even close to believable. Here's your (You) I guess.

>>50022829
that there's a keeper anon. cherish that. I play with people who show up to my house expecting a full room date night, and I'm just gonna pay for everything and host and DM and suck their dicks between fights.

>>50019024
>>Be me
Ok
>>DMing a game for friends
What game? I'll make it up later
>>Friend, (Let's call him Shum) kills a goblin
Shum's a common name
>>He walks over to a nearby corpse
Not the goblin's corpse mind you, just another nearby one. Died of toxic shock I believe.
>>loots the body
>>Shum OCC: Hey can I do something?
>>Eh why not, roll 2 d20
The rules say, "roll 2d20 to "Do Something"
You know what? If you're not even gonna try, this is just boring.

>>50019294
>So like, you're actually underage, or just drunk?
My guess is both.

>>50019577
You realize that's the only believable line of any story posted in this thread, right?

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>>50019024
This happened recently in my group in the last two sessions on roll20.

>Group is sailing the sea to avoid the wrath of one of the fangs of Yeenoghu.
>Shady cleric/ merchant, name Suleiman, who caused the problem, agrees to have the party aid a ship captain fight a monster that took his crew in return for helping us get the fuck out of dodge.
>First encounter a swarm of sahuagin.
>New player almost kills herself jumping and getting surrounded.
>Totem barb goes in to save her and dies in the process.
>Learn from one of the survivors that they are under orders from a dragon turtle that has forced ships to join its gang as pirates.
>Encounter the pirates next session.
>Everybody is manning a canon getting ready to fight.
>Suleiman asks to roll an insight check to see if something is off about the pirates.
>DM tells him the pirates appear to be forced to try and take over our ship.
>The new player that almost got herself killed manages to convince the pirates that they don’t have to fight us and they can redeem themselves.
>One ship starts to call off the attack when an angry dragon turtle rises to the surface.
>It attacks the enemy ship for not following orders and makes a giant hole in the enemy ship.
>We roll initiative.
>I go first and shoot the cannon at the dragon turtle but miss.
>Group is about to shit themselves until Suleiman casts banishment on the dragon turtle.
>The DM rolls open and rolls a 3.
>Dragon turtle is banished for one minute.

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>>50023344
>Suleiman makes a rousing speech offering the damaged ship’s crew sanctuary if they work for him.
>Enemy crew agrees.
>One ship takes this chance to flee the dragon turtle’s reign.
>Second ship joins our cause.
>Spend next minute transferring crew of the third ship onto our boat and aiming every single cannon and rifle towards the spot the dragon turtle was banished.
>Suleiman gives another rousing speech that sounds like something from brave heart if it was a pirate movie.
>DM is impressed by this and says with all the trouble we had setting up the shots he’s giving everyone advantage.
>Tells the crew to get ready to fire.
>Background music changes to the 1812 overture during the climax with the cannons.
>Releases the Dragon turtle in tune with the music and blow the dragon turtle straight to hell in one shot.
>The monster is slain, the crews are all cheering, and in the end Suleiman helped the captain not enact his revenge but got him a new crew with free boat as well.

Everyone in the group agreed that was one of the most satisfying things to happen in our games in quite a while. I can’t wait for the next session.

>be me
>playing d&d for real guis
>roll 5 NATURAL 20S
>the DM has no agency so I do whatever the fuck I want
>Then 15 girls give me blowjobs irl
>and a guy walks up and gives me 100 dollars
>that guys name? Albert Einstein.

>>50023344
>>50023357
This story is decent and believable and as such, has no place in this thread.

>>50023623
I didn't realize until after I posted my story that this was a stories that never happened thread.

>>50023646
>this was a stories that never happened thread.
Close. We have those from time to time.
This is a "god awful stories that a three year old that mostly eats paint chips would know never happened" thread.