Things male wizards say about female wizards behind their backs.

>>50005660
I would abracabanger

>>50005660
She hasn't got the wand for magic!

I really like Izzy but my years of solitude spent in singular study and estrangement from society and the mundane world, as well as the generally frowned upon nature of my delvings, has made it all but impossible to interact with anyone else beyond a superficial level. I thought going into personal study away from the heavy restrictions of the academies would grant me ultimate power, but after a decade spent locked away in a dark tower of secrets losing myself to perversion, once again coming out into the world, one thing I desire above all else is a meaningful relationship with another human being who doesn't look at me like a terror of ages past.

>>50005660
>tfw no gf

>>50005660
Witch.

>>50005660
She really turns my Flesh To Stone

Shes been practicing her engorgement charms

Sleep spells.

>>50005660
She really gets my wand stiff

>>50005660
*Cast's Bigby's Molesting Hand*

>>50005660
Turn around, please, I'm talking to you.

>I bet she fucks that familiar.
>Harlot

File: 1424273068351.png (89KB, 310x216px) Image search: [Google]

89KB, 310x216px

>>50006028

File: Sdfsdf.jpg (10KB, 265x215px) Image search: [Google]

10KB, 265x215px

>stuff the party does when the Paladin isn't around

>>50006750
Taxes.

>>50006750
Each other

>>50005660
Oh, Merra? Yeah, she has huuuuuuuuuuuuge "mana reserves," alright.

>>50006750
Drugs.

>>50006750
Bully the locals

>>50006750
Pray in comfort

>>50006750
Play D&D

>>50006750
Spend time with their ara~ ara~ therapists.

The only time they're actually in town is when the Paladin isn't around.

>>50006750
Sodomy

>>50006750

>Finally! Break out that leavened bread, Bob. We're gonna make this thing a party.

>>50006750
No good, making trouble in the neighbourhood.

>>50006750
Take the sticks out of their asses

>>50006750
Nothing he wouldn't want to know about, isn't that right fellas?

>>50006750
Pillage a village also raping the locals

File: hqdefault.jpg (15KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

15KB, 480x360px

>Things you shouldn't say on /tg/ unless you want a shitstorm

>>50007099
The elf was right

>>50007099
I like Kender

>>50007099
Replying to Carnac.

>>50007099
>So [Insert System Here] is clearly superior. Why does anyone bother to play anything else?

>>50007099
Flour is banned from my games

>>50007099
Longbows can't penetrate plate armor

>>50007099
Dungeon World

>>50007099
I miss Jim Profit.

>>50007099
Warhammer is sexist.

>>50007108
About what?
>>50007110
It's right for this to create a shitstorm.
>>50007145
Who?
>>50007164
Mixing it up is good.
>>50007179
I don't get this one.
>>50007183
Can they IRL?
>>50007196
Never understood this one. It's a fine game, neither bad nor great.
>>50007197
No, you don't.
>>50007200
If you think it's sexist, I don't care. If you think that's its ONLY problem, holy shit.

>>50007219
I think this guy wins.

>>50007099
I can't believe they managed to make something as good as Age of Sigmar out of something as bad as Warhammer Fantasy.

>>50007099
There should be female Space Marines.

>>50007219
Carnac is an anon who likes to interpret his headcanon as actual canon and will argue with any and everyone who replies to him for the entire thread. He no longer namefags, which makes it harder for people to ignore him and his bait.

>>50007099
Dude, chill, mana weaving is fine as long as you shuffle afterward.

>>50006181
>Big booty witch who lives in the forest near your village

Sure she's kind of a slut, but that ass man, that ass will not quit.

>>50007258
>headcanon
Regarding what franchise?

>>50007099
Katanas are the superior sword. That's why my viking uses one.

>>50007099
>I'm making a game. It's kind of like Dark Souls.

>>50007267
40k.

>>50007260
>>50007271
TRIGGERED

>>50007099
It's cool if I have my DMPC steal away the love interest of one of the PCs, right?

>>50007240
Too obvious.
>>50007253
Too overdone but I have no problem with it.
>>50007258
That sounds hilarious.
>>50007260
If you shuffle thoroughly it was a waste of time, and if you don't, you cheated.
>>50007269
What if you took it the other way? "My samurai uses a European longsword."
>>50007271
So... called the "hardest game ever" by a lot of people when harder games came out every month in the late 80s/early 90s?

>>50007309
DELETE THIS and make a thread with this premise, while "accidentally" making it obvious that you have a thing for the player's girlfriend IRL

>>50007099
Matt Ward is a good writer.

File: Depends onthe Setting.png (61KB, 180x148px) Image search: [Google]

61KB, 180x148px

>>50007099

>>50007099
/pol/ and /tg/ are natural allies because orcs with INT penalties perfectly represent real life niggers.

>>50007099
Coasters are overrated.

>>50007340
Maybe he would be if he weren't writing about things people already like as they are.
>>50007365
That seems like it's true sometimes though.
>>50007380
I can see how this would create a shitstorm.
>>50007387
I like coasters. I just don't like waiting in line for them.

>>50007099
I'm glad that RPGs are starting to include rules sidebars about transgender people.

>>50007099
That's pretty much all of the negative reviews of FATAL.

FATAL is worth playing.

File: 1391563672686.png (324KB, 478x448px) Image search: [Google]

324KB, 478x448px

>>50007099
Anything at all.

>>50007099
Only liberals have a problem with Humanity, Fuck Yeah.

>>50007416
Why do they have to be in the sidebars instead of the actual text?
>>50007424
No, it isn't.
>>50007431
"Anything at all" is a weird post to make in most contexts. Maybe people are just confused?
>>50007452
It's boring 99% of the time.

>>50007310
I always thought the hardest game was our Kobold Camp mod for DF, with the settings leaving you absolutely fucked.

File: hqdefault.jpg (16KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

16KB, 480x360px

> The first thing your character does upon becoming king

>>50007540
kill all lesser races

>>50007540
Bone that one smoking hot countess who has been teasing him forever.

It's good to be the king.

File: Duke.jpg (59KB, 490x519px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 490x519px

>>50007540
Hail to the King, baby.

>>50007540
Changing the name of the capital with the name of his horse.

File: a53a4dcdfd7105a48125767c48598cea.jpg (77KB, 520x223px) Image search: [Google]

77KB, 520x223px

>>50007540

>>50007540
Get on good relations with all of the local Dragons so I don't have to offer up half my kingdom and my Daughter's hand in marriage to the idiot farmboy turned knight that rescues her.

>>50007310
>So... called the "hardest game ever" by a lot of people when harder games came out every month in the late 80s/early 90s?
Different kind of hard. DS2 aside. The difficulty is fairer than the reason a lot of 80's/90's games were hard.

>>50007264

Uhh, you know why she's got a great ass, right?

I mean she's a witch, that ass isn't for your enjoyment.

>>50007540
Replace my deity for being a pansy

>>50007099
Wizards should be overpowered in quite a few systems/settings there is no reason for them not to be. When you're a fighter, ranger, etc. you're just like that one soldier in that army; these martial classes have always represented actual medieval units. When you're a rogue/thief you're just that some guy who steals shit just a criminal of those times. But a Wizard? They are true representations of the utterly fantastical, the arcane, the supernatural; superstition itself of all sorts comes alive with them. These guys are the crazy sorcerers who did insane shit in the Bible, the witches that scared the world at one point, weird rituals/traditions of the old come to life. If a martial character is Thor, a thief/rogue Loki, then the caster is big daddy Odin himself.

The martial classes in the Fellowship Of The Ring are fighting shitty footsoldiers. The thief/rogue guys are trying to drop a ring into a volcano. The wizard is fighting almost god-like angelic/demonic beings far more powerful than any of those footsoldiers, a giant spider, or a ring obsessed weirdo.

>>50007540
Legalize gay marriage and state-owned holy water factories.

File: Xqqk2S1z.png (17KB, 814x120px) Image search: [Google]

17KB, 814x120px

>>50007310
>>50007405
>>50007463

>>50007540
Rob the royal treasury blind.

File: 1456771705434.jpg (60KB, 570x625px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 570x625px

>>50007768
This is why leveling up a magic class should take a lot more exp.

>>50005839
Underrated.

>>50007844
It's hard to tell if he's being autistic or if that's his response to >>50007099

>>50007540
gas all the dwarves

File: IG2BtK.gif (5MB, 304x158px) Image search: [Google]

5MB, 304x158px

>>50007540

File: ScenesFromAHat.png (351KB, 512x384px) Image search: [Google]

351KB, 512x384px

> Phrases that you never want to hear from a party member

>>50007975
>So how much XP would I get from killing a PC?

>>50007975
"I borrowed all of your gold to buy it. That's cool right?"

>>50007975
There are only a few hundred of them, I leap out of cover to attack.

>>50007975
I took NPC classes

>>50007975
>I roll to seduce the gelatin cube

>>50007975
What's wrong with raping the king's daughter?

>>50007975
>It's what my character would do!!! LOL!

>>50007975
>50 Gold in the chest. I roll for bluff.

>>50007975
"But why should my character care?"

>>50006750
>Chase the paladin to stop him from getting himself killed saving orphans

>>50007975
My character is the chosen one, it says so in my backstory, so I should get to decide how the loot is divided.

>>50006777
>Checked
EGADS!
>ancap paladin of capitalism

>>50007975
> I pick [other PC]'s pocket.

>>50008098
I meant that they would just straight-up lie on them, but that works too.

File: 1472354173063.jpg (70KB, 500x555px) Image search: [Google]

70KB, 500x555px

>>50008098
>You can't just steal things!
>How much does it cost to open the gate into town?
>How much would you pay me not to kill the orc baby?

>>50007975
Nobody talks down to me like that, even in his own throneroom, I attack the king!

>>50007975
"But casting Darkness gives me a +1 to my attack rolls!"

>>50007975
I roll sleight of hand to steal the lord's trousers.

>>50007571

Caligula, go to bed.

>>50005660
"She's a real witch."

>>50006947
Just had the idea for a Tevye-based paladin. He does things for the sake of TRADITION!

Oy vey, dis party is going to be the end of me, Lord.

File: 1472615965284.jpg (196KB, 1000x719px) Image search: [Google]

196KB, 1000x719px

>>50005660
>I-I wonder if she likes me too. What do you think?

>>50008041
No points for the correct answer.

>>50009256
I was going to say something about making paladin fluff for each of the major religions of the world, considering half of paladins worship the Abrahamic God, but then I remembered that this is /tg/ and that somebody is guaranteed to have created a full splat for Inuit paladins.

>>50007975
"Well it's this or disintegration, so get in the bunny girl outfit!"

>>50005932
I imagined Ryan saying this.

>>50007975
Don't worry, I know exactly how to cast the spell.

Mostly.

>>50007975
There is only one of them, how bad could it be?

>>50008098
>paladin
You meet anti-paladin

>>50007771
>7771
So close...

P.S. >660
So close...

>>50007975
Paraphrased from a game I played in about six months ago...
"That action is objectively morally wrong, and since I'm a good character I now have to kill you".

File: megucas_bunnysuits.jpg (491KB, 1500x1295px) Image search: [Google]

491KB, 1500x1295px

>>50011223
This. Nobody would don bunny girl outfit unless threatened...

R-right?

>>50007975
I identify as ...

>>50011486
>he's never played as an Awakened Attack Helicopter

>>50011497
>he isn't actually an awakened attack helicopter

File: image.jpg (32KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

32KB, 480x360px

>Things you don't want the GM to say

>>50011991
>"Can you give me a roll? No reason, just asking."

>>50011991
>"I really think a little bit of this anime I've been watching mixed into the world would make it more interesting."

>>50011991
> "Roll perception guys"
> "1""5""3""7"
> "You hear nothing"

>>50007258
Oh, so he's 40k's version of Vronak or Chandere?

File: 1476679119958.jpg (180KB, 811x1082px) Image search: [Google]

180KB, 811x1082px

>>50011991
>"Can you give me a Fortitude roll really quick?"

>>50011991
>Sorry about the smell, I haven't taken the garbage out this month.

>>50012304
>>50011991
>"Can you give me a Will roll real quick?"

>>50007470
I wouldn't call Kobold Kamp the hardest game. I quite enjoyed it and as long as you were familiar with the basics of dorf fort it wasn't that hard to scrape a kamp together. It was just hard to progress meaningfully past your rapid replacement rate due to kobolds being shit at everything and everyone dying constantly.

>>50011991
>"Guys, remember that dude back in [town]?"

>>50012115
I'm much more afraid of
> yes a 24! (18 +6 to listen)
> You hear nothing.

>>50011991
>"Are those your exact words?"

>>50011991
Are you sure?

>>50012424
As a GM I love that one.

>>50011991
You still have [ITEM] in your possession, right?

>>50005660
>You think she casts enlarge on those?

>>50011991
"Next week we're going to give 4E a try."

File: images.jpg (7KB, 259x194px) Image search: [Google]

7KB, 259x194px

>Things a new player would say

>>50005676
top kek

>>50013183
>So wait, I can do *anything*?
>Where's the quest giver?
>What do you mean I have to eat?

>>50013183
>I am going to negotiate with the wolves

>>50013183
>Which one is the d6?

>>50005660
You know, that just makes the beard all the more impressive

>>50006750
discusses child sacrifice from a utilitarian perspective

>>50007099
Who?

>>50007540
Realizes his country uses fiat currency and there is no scrooge mcduck treasure pit

>>50007975
I'm going to do this alone

>>50011991
I'm a little hungover today, but this should be fine.

>>50013183
"My first character is a Tiefling Rogue"

>>50013183
>Nat 20! That means I can do it right?

>>50013223
>they're an outcast and don't trust others

>>50013183
>"I wanna play an assassin."
Protip: You never let them play the assassin.

>>50013183
>"Here's my backstory!"
>backstory doesn't relate to the setting, plot, and is 3 pages long

>>50013183
>My character is chaotic neutral!

>>50013183
I'm Chaotic Evil!
>teleports behind u

>>50007099
Quests belong on /tg/

>>50013183
>I don't get it... it's in our heads?

>>50006777
Underbreaded

>>50013183
>I thought we'd be wearing funny hats

>>50013183
>I stab the innkeeper
>What's a sense motive?
>Ugh I don't get all these numbers this is too much math

>>50013337
They did tho

>>50013183
>I'm going to be a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Warlock that is motivated only by money and loves violence.

>>50013643
>trying too hard

>>50013183
>How can I be Lawful Good if I go to a town that has evil laws?

>>50013680
That's actually an interesting scenario

>>50013865
Don't do this Anon.

>>50005839
Wizards are fa/tg/uys of the fantasy world.

It all makes sense now.

>>50013183
<say nothing through the whole session>

>>50013616
No

File: hqdefault(5).jpg (11KB, 480x360px) Image search: [Google]

11KB, 480x360px

The difference between a zombie and your GM

>>50015936
Braaaaaaaains.

>>50013914
I was trying to, but no one took the bait.

>>50008033
>fucker rolls a natural 20
What do?

>>50015936
One reeks of decaying garbage and rots in an underground dungeon, the other is a zombie

>>50011991

>What's your max hp?

>>50005660
Hey, I have a secret to tell you and please don't tell it to those female wizards over there who are facing away from us.

>>50016124
>Your penis dissolves.

File: dogg.jpg (60KB, 693x663px) Image search: [Google]

60KB, 693x663px

>>50011991
>are you sure you want to do that?

>>50015806
I disagree

>>50015936
One smells significantly better

File: OPM Dread.png (1MB, 1561x945px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1561x945px

>>50011991
>Hey, just asking real quick, how much does your character weigh?

>>50007387
Its like you *like* having rings on your furniture, you IKEA shopping savage.

>>50013183
>If you tried that in real life, would it work?

>>50011991
"can i see the notes about your characters family again?"

>>50017183
If only my new players would ever ask that.