/sPs/

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Shit good players say:
>I know that this is a vampire hunter game, but can I play a vampire that hates vampires?

"Wait, what game is this?"

>>49999238
someone should make a movie based on this concept. call it "edge" or something

>>49999279
It's in my story, however they don't necessarily hate vampires, they just hate illegal vampires and it's not too unusual for a legal vampire to hunt undocumented ones. Wild vampires make the good vampires look bad and cause negative stereotypes about vampires among the peasants, good vampires get their blood through taxes rather than by killing people.

>>49999652
>latino_border_patrol_officer.doc

>inb4 your vampires look like Sam Neill and Ethan Hawke

>>49999279
They did make a movie about that. Starring Brad Pitt, c'mon anon

>>49999279
But like, what would the plot be? This isn't 80's, you can't have movie about this guy hates those guys as the whole premise. That might suffice as a plot for vidya these day, but not for a movie.

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>>49999189
>"Okay guys, I got my character concept. All my stats are finalised, I'm ready to go."
>The next day
>"Actually I'm having second thoughts about some things in my build..."

This is me. All the time. I try to strive the perfect balance of appeasing myself but also fitting in the group well, so everyone else has fun with my character too. It's a struggle.

>>49999189
>"Sure, if you don't mind the entire party jumping you"
Some problems are entirely self-solving

>>49999279
Perhaps "sword" or something of the like

>>49999687
No, no, I'm pretty sure it was Morgan Freeman the black actor.

>"Hey so I want to play a necromancer"
>"Yeah I know that the party leader is a golem soldier specifically made to destroy undead and kill necromancers and hates dark magic"
>"What's the problem???????"
>Proceeds to throw a shitfit when the GM gives him a list of reasons that the character wouldn't work in the setting
Honestly thinking back on it I think he was just trying to cause drama to get back at the group for his previous character dying.
Why did his previous character die?
Well, the golem soldier got in a fight with a newer model golem that was programmed wrong, and the former wanted to nonlethally eliminate the latter so that he could be re-taught, and given that the two of them were the last of their kind in existence, was vehemently against killing the latter. So, this player decided to have his character repeatedly say that he would kill the newer model even if we were successful in knocking it out, so the newer model decided his chances of survival would go up if he focused on the douchebag that kept spouting off about killing him no matter what. And focus he did.

>"I know this is a game set in a fantasy Eastern Europe, but I have this Samurai character I'd like to play..."

"Yeah, I'm sure I want to do that."

>>49999189
>Can I play a half elf
>Can the shelf elves be Jews?
>Can they be, like, super persecuted?

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>>50000098
>Jew elves

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>>49999189
>please force everyone else to change clan, I want to be the only Mekhet

>>49999189
>give cinematic description of attack and wound
>"So does that mean I get a bonus?"
No, fuck you. Why do I even try to be a good DM.

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>>50001131
>Why do I even try to be a good DM.
Because no one else will. I know your feel, anon.

>>49999652
I had a paladin like this. He was a tiefling.
His history included a female tiefling thief who he caught and attempted to reform in exchange for her returning the money she stole.
She had a steady job until she decided to rob her new employer (the same person she stole from the first time) and the paladin hunted her down again. She offered poontang in exchange for freedom, and he refused, turned her in, and put her down for resisting arrest and attempting to bribe an officer of the law.
His parents are the only two other Good tieflings he knows personally, so he doesn't have a high opinion of his race.

>>50001131
>unclear descriptors
>waaah my players are stupid

>>50001131
but stunting is fun

>>50002739
>descriptions
>"uh? what happened?"

>>50002739
>t. Entitled shithead player

>>49999969
If they weren't intending to be a total weeaboo with a not!Kenshin and were a good roleplayer I could possibly let it fly, but that isn't the kinda person who would do something like that.

>>49999189
>can I play a Hunter that hates Vampires
>>49999652
>It's in my story, however they don't necessarily hate vampires

Contradictory second post proves original post is stupid bait post.

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>>50002977
...That made no sense. That was a vaccum where sense does not exist and if it could exist, it would be sucked off and dissapear into the senselessness.

>>49999808
I talk for all GMs of this world.
We hate you.

>>50002777
Yes, but you don't get stunt bonuses when the DM does it.

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>>49999189
>Eight sessions and twelve fights in
>"What do I add to my attack, again?"

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>>50003376
This shit kills me

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>>49999189
>GM: "We're using Books A, B, C, and D for this game. We're using Option A for character creation. Everything else is banned."
>A Bad Player: "Here is the character I made before any of this was established using exclusively material from banned books, and created with Option B. Also, I am going to whine and throw a tantrum if you tell me to make a new character."

I know there's someone out there guilty of this, and if you're reading this, I hate you and want to break open your skull with another skull and drink your thinkmeats through a curly straw. I will fuck you in half with a hatchet. The police will never find your body. Fuck you.

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>>49999189
>Can I take [upgrade meant to compensate for the shittiness of primitive melee weapons] and put it on [best gun in the game]?
>What do you mean, no?

>>50003376
My response to that is "It's been three sessions. If you don't know your attack bonus, you don't get your attack bonus." Works pretty well.

>>50003430
>>50003429
>those thumbnails
HIRO FIX THIS SHIT

>>50003441
For a second there, I thought I was the only one who could see it.

>I'm gonna make a cripplingly overspecialized character who is really, really, really good at [X] but a blind three-legged dog in every other circumstance
>half a session in: I'm bored, my guy can't do anything except [X] over and over

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>>50003471
This shit is why I don't play 3.5/PF anymore.

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>Hey guys, thought I'd run a game of [Not D&D 3.5 / Pathfinder]
>(unending chorus of whining, crying, stomping, farting)

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>>50003441
>seeing vanilla thumbnails
Really?

>>50003521
Yes, really.

Care to share which extension you're using?

>>50003536
https://github.com/ccd0/4chan-x

>>50003574
Thanks, you're a pal.

>>50003376
THIS!
OMG!
I SUPPLIED EVERY CHARACTER WI TH A COPY OF THE RULES!
TAKE 10 MINUTES DURING A BREAK AND READ THE FUCKING COMBAT SECTION!

>>50001131
For the most part, I'm on your side. Only time my GM has ever done something lame about this was when he described me slicing a big chunk out of someone's armor and then saying I couldn't target this weak spot on future attacks despite having the system equivalent of a feat for targeting specific parts of an opponent.

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>>50003376
GM has GIVEN the player the mod multiple times. WRITE IT DOWN. PUT IT ON YOUR SHEET SO YOU HAVE IT. WE USE THE SAME BUFFS, JUST RIGHT DOWN THE DIFFERENT COMBINATIONS WE USE AND ROLL YOUR FUCKING DICE YOU PIECE OF SHIT HOLY FUCK.

I get that some of the players have learning disabilities, but you have been told your mod, you know you won't remember, so just write it down. Keep it on your sheet. I don't have a problem with you forgetting some things, but make an actual effort to record essential shit.

>>50004934
Most of the time, it's already on the sheet.

>>49999189
>GM hasn't asked for a roll or anything, player picks up dice and rolls.
>GM: player, what are you rolling for?
>Player shrugs.
I am the GM in this case. I've warned him that from now on, I choose what that roll was for. He better pray he doesn't do it when the party is talking to a dragon.
Dragons generally dislike strangers shoving their hands where they don't belong.

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>>50005031
>player keeps rolling until he gets a good number
>he keeps the die sitting on that one until he's asked to roll for something, then demands to use that roll
>tell him to roll again
>complains that everyone saw him roll that so it's fair
>he actually for-real thinks he's being so fucking clever

>>50005031
Don't be a shithead and punish everyone else because someone's being an asshole and annoying you, holy goddamn shit.

>>49999966
>basically Worker-7-New vs Worker-8 from FFT
>except Worker-8 wants to non-lethally disable Worker-7-New so he can be reprogrammed
>and some dickbag is screaming about how, no, he's just going to kill Worker-7-New, even if they manage to disable him without killing him
>complains like a twat and throws a bitch-fit when he gets Destroyed, Pulverized, Compressed, and Disposed

>>50000148
capitalism, ho!

>>50005003
We have a few people who throw up buffs. +1 here, +3 there. The GM even made a condition monitor where we can update buffs and shit. All you gotta do is add the buffs to your mod, and you're good to go. Some people just can't do it. They don't pay attention, so they don't know what's up. They don't pay attention, so they don't remember what the different buffs give them. There's only 1 buff that is variable in what it gives, all the rest are the same every time. They can't handle it. I wasn't adding them quickly enough for my liking, so I wrote next to my mod what was to be added depending on what was up, since I have like, 3 buffs of my own that work in conjunction with what we have from other party members. You pay attention to what's on and you add them together. If you can't handle that, have them pre-added, that way you only need to know what is on to know your number.

These are the same people who never remember what's going on in the story, so they ask me. Write notes. You've forgotten before, you're likely going to forget again. Write notes. I don't want to tell you why we're where we are every session.

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>>50005141
>Hey (GM), I know your character creation post says that we're limited to these three books. But, can I have (option) from (book not on the list)?
>No.
>Why not?
>I don't allow that book because I don't own it, and thus don't have any experience with the material.
>I can give you this pdf I got off 4chan.
>No.
>Why the fuck not?
>Because I'm not going to pirate a book just so you can feel special.
>Fuck you. I didn't want to apply to your game anyways.

>>50005129
I said literally nothing about punishing the entire party, anon. Though in hindsight I can see where you would make that leap. I was talking about it's face, anyway.

>>50003429
I've had this happen. Back in college, I'd run games either via Y!IM or via three-way/group-calling. One of my two players couldn't write up a character sheet to save his life, so when, a day after I mention the idea behind the campaign, he shows with a sheet for <generic edgelady character>, I give it a look. Half the bonuses are wrong, and the character's five levels higher than the number I gave him(tenth), because she's a Blackguard of Tiamat. Wants a wyvern mount, too. Refuses to change it, throws a bitch-fit, whines, etc, and I throw down the gauntlet.

>Okay, fine, next time we're on campus at the same time is in two days. In the next three days, I'm going to proofread your sheet, make sure the numbers are right, and make a character at the same level as yours, and we're going to have a one on one match. If you win, I'll bend the rules and start the campaign at twelfth level, the minimum for your class to have a wyvern mount, and supply you with one, for half price.
>"What happens if I lose?"
>You make another character, with my oversight at every step of the process.
>"Fine, see you then."

He didn't show. Said he'd been sick that day, offered to show up another few days later, even though he didn't need to be on campus. The next day, he sent me a message talking about another character idea he had.

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>>50005406
Idiot bitch fucks who pull shit like that tend to be complete cowards, too, so his pussying out isn't at all a surprise. Gotta keep that oversized but fragile ego intact!

>Yeah, but in my setting-

>>49999189
My brother once said that shit... word for word.

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>>50005756
>"Yeah, but in my setting-"
>isn't even the GM
I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN

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>like writing custom rules
>player makes character build
>"Hey can you change the rules of the game so my build isn't shit?"
>no, that fucks a lot of shit up
>"But you like making custom rules, why can't you make custom rules for me?"
>i like making rules add-ons, not changing the in-game rules
>"But they're the same thing!"
>no, they're not
>"But my build will be shit!"
>then make a different build
>"But I want this build!"
>then I guess too bad, you're shit?
>"BUT REALISTICALLY THIS WOULD WORK THIS WAY AND"

i think you get the jist

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>>50007324
>realistically
It was already whiny baby shit, but that made it an order of magnitude worse.

>>50003376
>4 sessions in
>still have to check what to roll for firearms, meele or disciplines

I'm the GM
there is very little focus on combat in my campaigns

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>>49999752
I can see a movie about his attempts at erradicating the entire vampire race.
You can go about it in two ways, one is the really edgy way where he's much stronger than other vampires for no reason and succeeds, or where this fanatical devotion towards the extermination of his kindred is shown as absolutely naïve and he slowly descends into madness/despair the more he realizes how futile his task is.

Coincidentally I'm playing the latter in a 1 on 1 vampire game that started off in dark ages vampire.

>>50005131
That's pretty much exactly what happened.

>>50001131
Better tHan my last dm. only time he described things in more than surface details was when either we failed, or got brutalized by opponents, or he sprung on of his "clever" traps.

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>>49999189
>asked to describe his character
>"I wear jeans and a leather jacket, probably Harley&Davidson's, and a pair of sports shoes."
>game takes place in Victorian London

>>49999652
Or, you know, they don't actually need blood to live, it's just an addictive delicacy?

>>50005273
Yeah, alright, my bad. It read like the dragon would then eat the whole of the party or something. If it just flame broils the guy then goes back to polite conversation with the rest of them? I withdraw my complaint totally.

>>49999818
Only the choppy part of the sword. Forgot what it's called

>>50011300
Hmm, like the "steel?" No, that's not quite right.

>>50011300
>Only the choppy part of the sword.
That's "Weak", isn't it? Foible in Latin.

>>50010620
More "bite his arm off to teach him a valuable lesson", but yeah. That's the gist of it.

>>49999189
>Can I play a Vampire Hunter Hunter?
>She hunts Vampire Hunters.
>One of them killed her Vampire dad. For killing their non-Vampire dad.

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>>50010312
Something about anybody in any setting that isn't modern-day regular human civilization describing their clothes as "Jeans and a T-Shirt/Jacket/Hoodie" gives me an uncontrollable urge to feed them their own eyeballs.

>>49999832
>>49999687
It was Will Smith you tards

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>>49999189
>I know it says in the Shadow Sun Ninja description that doing this turns me into a vampire that becomes an NPC under the DM's control, but you wouldn't do that, would you?
>I know it says that if my dark side points equal my Wisdom score, I fall to the dark side and become an NPC under the GM's control, but you wouldn't do that, would you?
>I know it says that if I run out of humanity, I go berserk and become an NPC under the storyteller's control, but you wouldn't do that, would you?
>I know it says that this explicitly happens in the rules as a reasonable consequence for fucking up, but can I guilt you into not doing it because I hate and don't understand the concept of actions having consequences?

>>50013717
I was once in a medieval fantasy game with a dude who insisted on using a picture of a dude in a t-shirt and jeans as his character portrait.

Everything else was fine, but he just really really wanted to use THAT picture. Not just the face cropped out for a portrait, but the whole thing.

It was weird how fixated he was on that.

>>50014927
Speaking of medieval apparel, how much effort do you guys go to in order to produce some historically semi-accurate outfit?
Have you researched what kind of underwear (if any) would be applicable and with what kind of leg garments? How many layers of skirt would be appropriate for a lady of what rank?

>>50014951
I don't really care if something is historically accurate, I only care if it fits with the culture these norms are made for. The game I'm running now doesn't take place on Earth, after all, so our history doesn't really matter.

>>50003376
Only thing worse
>girl wants to play a barbarian
>every
>fight
>in the game
>"what's the dice i use to hit things?"

>>50014988
Frankly though, that isn't a problem with her playing a barbarian, it's a problem of her not actually caring to learn the rules. She would probably bother you just as much no matter what class she picked.

>>50015004
This. She probably isn't an idiot, she just doesn't give a fuck about the game, and just wants to be there for the social aspect. She doesn't and never will care about the game or the rules.

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>>50011300
the blade

>>50015501
Well, now you've ruined the joke. Dumbass.

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>"I Dab"

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>>50016474
>dabbing
>in any context

I hate life.

>>50014318
Christ, do I know how you feel.
>What do you mean the NPC doesn't want to help? All I did was call them a worthless sack of shit to their face.
>What do you mean the guards are attacking me? All I did was threaten to kill a man while I had my sword drawn.
>What do you mean all the NPCs run screaming from me in terror? All I did was kill a guy and melt him into a puddle of goo.
>What do you mean I fall? I only took my hands off that ledge while dangling over a pit.
I'm not exaggerating or making any of those up. Fortunately, I don't have to play with those dumbasses anymore because I remembered I have a spine.

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>>50018514
How do players like this even manage to get through daily life without a basic understanding of consequences?

>>50018629
In my experience, they're also huge pussies when it comes to backing up any of their posturing outside of games.

>>50016474

The fuck does that even mean?

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>>(in context of writing rules for a captive bolt pistol/slaughter house stun gun based weapon which is placed against the forehead to turn the victim's frontal lobe into soup)

>I think since its purely physical, you should roll a reflex to try and negate the damage done to your brain. Reflexively drawing your head out of range of the pin.
>>No, it's doing intelligence damage, it has to be a Will save.
>But Will saves are for things like terror and psychic stuff. you can't out think a rod turning your brain turning to soup...
>>NO! IT DOES INTELLIGENCE DAMAGE, IT HAS TO BE A WILL SAVE! (shouting in a crowded game shop where we met up to work/game)

>>50019120
Maybe if it were magic it would be a will save, jeez some people are idiots.

>>49999969
>What is the silk road?

>>50001131
Honestly I find cinematic descriptions boring, might just be my dm isn't good at engaging with them though, but especially when it comes to my own characters it doesn't give a feel for how I envision my character fighting since the gm never really asks about fighting style he more just looks at weapons used.

>>50016474
Like

instead of wiping?

>>50019771
Yeah, doing good descriptions can be hard. Less is more, and you should always do something personal vs generic "cool" shit; if a player brings a grizzled old merc to the table, the GM should describe his attacks as brutal and efficient and bloody -- no flips or swordspins or other stuff, save those for the elven swashbuckler!

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>>50019010
>>50019838

It's a weed thing, you fuckin squares.

Me in a 5e game:

>Hey, I know it says that Paladins are holy warriors that get their powers from the gods, but can I play a tribal champion who gets power from ancestor spirits instead? Same mechanics, different fluff.
>Also, since he's not really a Paladin, can I refluff the Oath of Vengeance to make it more in line with the character?
>ALSO, can I have a custom background? It's basically the Noble background, but the feature lets him get in with uncivilized groups as opposed to high society.

>>50020240
Man not only would I allow all of this I would be super excited about it and would go out of my way as DM to put you in situations where these things come into play.

>>50020240
As long as its fluff I'd be fine. ish.

>>50020273
It might sound cool at first, but eventually I will go out of control inserting my own ideas into your game that basically boils down to:
>Hey, I know you're the DM and I'm not, but can I just run your game for you whenever there's something I want?

And that's why I'm forever GM.

>>50020240
That doesn't sound bad. Can i get some clarification on what you find at fault with that?

>>50020444
See >>50020385

>>50020240
>being mad that a player is this dedicated and creative

You don't deserve to be their DM.

>>50020240
I'd better see at least a half-page of backstory out of this.
Otherwise, sure nigga, why not?

>>50020480
I was describing myself, not one of my players. It's bad because I'm literally a backseat GM.

>>49999189
>Random NPC walks by the players' camp in the middle of the night
>They decided to camp right on the well traveled highway because werewolves are rumored to exist in the woods nearby
>"He must be a bad guy or bandit if he's coming through in the middle of the night. Let's kill him"

>>50020385
That's fair as a cautionary tale, but as a fellow Forever GM, I've learned the indispensable skill of saying No.

I just got excited about your ideas is all, because they're so different from what my players usually throw at me. That's not to say I'm perfect, because I've fallen for what you described several times before.

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Happened to a GM I know :

>Player strolls into a church in post-apo Las Vegas
>Church was turned into a heroin den
>Player finds some "incense" and decides to burn it to meditate or some shit like that
>Doesn't check the incense
>Incense turns out to be pure heroin
>"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN I'M ADDICTED TO HEROIN NOW ???"

>>49999189
>I promise I'll read the rulebook by the time we start.

>>49999189
>Shit players say:

"My last DM let me..."

"Scientifically speaking..."

"I'm going to cast... *flips through book* "

>>50020883
>>"I'm going to cast... *flips through book* "
This. One of the pages for your character sheet has a spell book for you to write in. Fucking use it.

>>50020904
Dumb motherfucker acts like the pile of spell cards I PAINSTAKINGLY DESIGNED AND PRINTED OUT FOR HIM doesn't fucking exist. All the information is there, in a nice big readable font.

>>50020516
I mean... That is sound logic.

>>50020960
Knigga, it's the imperial highway. Some farmer or traveler couldn't have happened to be passing through and didn't want to detour into the spooky woods cause some jackasses set up camp right on the road?

>>50020240

Hell, Eberron even flat out did this in 3e, where tribal Talenta Halflings could be Paladins and choose raptors as their mounts.

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>>49999189
>vtm tabletop
>a kid character near a crime scene
>special agent walks up to me
>what are you doing here? who are you?
>"i am lord of the DANCE"
>the word DANCE spoken more as an order
>his partner watches on confused as he turns 360 and moonwalks away

>>50020240
I would say Oath of Ancients over Vengeance, but that sounds perfectly reasonable. Depends on what exactly the oath rules are changed to, but there's nothing out of place there.

>>50020960
"Boy I sure can't wait to get home and see my wife and kids. I'll just walk through the night so I can be there to surprise them in the morning.

- quote from man killed

>>50021031
As a soldier, walking through the woods in the middle of the night and just stumbling through one of our patrol bases is something Habib the goat farmer will literally do

>>50021005
Who travels at knight? Kniggas up to no good, thats who

>>50020818
Does that actually happen? Heroin fumes?

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>>50020818

>>50021132
You can smoke heroin, so I don't see why not.

not that anon btw

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>>50021274
>You can smoke heroin

>hey when you running that game you said you were going to run and told us to make characters for and took our character sheets and extensively discussed them and how we can tie them into the plot?

>no but really when are we playing?

>player captures a random fucking goblin, tortured and tries to get answers
>never once tries to intimidate or diplo the goblin
>wouldn't have mattered anyways because its a random insane goblin that is trying to murder him
>ends up killing the goblin
>WHY WAS THIS EVEN A THING YOU'RE A BAD DM AND WE WERE WASTING TIME

i literally spent two hours on this mess, i made it explicitly clear that the goblin knew nothing even without the rolls, its a random fucking goblin it doesn't know shit and its so thoroughly insane its not telling you shit

for fucks sake the chasing of dead ends.

>>50020240
Sounds pretty dank imo

>>50020501
its not bad its a cool concept and it makes perfect sense

Literally the best kind of player. A player that wants to push the story along with the DM is ideal.

>Is your character sheet ready?
>I have an idea for a character

>>50020501
If you do that during the game that's bad.
But your bringing in ideas during off-time is something completely different. The GM might discourage it if he's unable to deal with it, but it's not inherently shitty behavior.

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>>50022982
Oh God, this reminds me of the first group I ever GMed

>Ask permission to enter the Great Library
>They are given an oriental knife and tasked to identify it to gain access
>Start asking every random person about the knife
>They start taking prisoners from fights to ask them about the knife
>Getting tired, send an asian man their way that is looking for the knife
>They kill him because "he would have stolen it"

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>>50023522
"Have you seen this knife?"

>>50002650
>She offered poontang in exchange for freedom, and he refused
I always knew that paladins are gay.

>>50022859
I don't understand?

>>50023973
>Smoking heroin refers to vaporizing it to inhale the resulting fumes, not burning it to inhale the resulting smoke.
From wikipedia.
Heroin is typically "smoked" in water pipes, not traditional tobacco pipes.

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>>49999189

>The rules say that, but realisticaly-!
and then he start sending the GM wikipedia articles to read in the middle of the session

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>>50013717
That sounds like a personal problem

>>50023590
Be real with me anon, how long have you waited to use this image proper?

>>50020024
They're probably talking about the dance move, unless that player just happens to randomly take bong rips and shit in character

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>>50020240
>not wanting some savage tribesman paladin in your game

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>>50020240
ur a faget

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>>50023082
Two entire months before the game start date
>Me, the GM: "Hey we're starting a game in October. Cory, Dave, Little Dan, and Big Dan are in on it, you wanna play too?"
>Guy: "Yeah cool I'll play"

One entire month before the game start date
>GM: "I've got things mostly planned out and Cory even finished his character. I'm gonna help Dave, Little Dan, and Big Dan make theirs since they're new to the system. You want any help too?"
>Guy: "Nah I'm good"

Two weeks before start date
>GM: "Dave and the Dans have made their characters, the party makeup is This, That, and Those. Did you decide what you want to play?"
>Guy: "I have a few ideas but I'll get back to you"

One week before start date
>GM: "One week left, you want some help with your character?"
>Guy: "Nah I'm good, got the PDFs and everything"

Three days before start date
>GM: "Session starts on Sunday, you still in? I don't have your sheet yet."
>Guy: "I'll get around to it"

The day before start date
>GM: "We're starting tomorrow and I still don't have your character. I've got a few hours today, I could walk you through it and we can make a character together."
>Guy: (NO REPLY)

The day of the game
>GM: "Game starts in three hours, I've got all my notes and maps ready, so I've got enough time to make a character with you. You in?"
>Guy: (farting noises)

Session starts without him
>Guy: "wtf you started without me"

>>50025730
absolutely barbaric

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>>50025730
Disgusting

>>50025730
I don't understand people who fail to get characters done.
It's so much fun, running with an idea and breathing life into it.

Granted, I usually need to have several discussions with the GM because I'm a faggot whose ideas commonly break the rules in some minor way.

>>50003481

I find it's way, way more common in point buy games like Mutants and Masterminds or GURPS.

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>>50025730

>>50025184
Pretty much 0 seconds. I made it when I read his post and realized the absurdity they were going to when they were told to identify the knife.

>>50023522
Just

The madness players go through

I've literally told them in not subtle terms 'A PERSON THAT KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IS GOING TO SHOW UP SOON, MAYBE FOCUS ON ANOTHER DIRECTION'

nah dude gotta torture goblins and try to track goblins when none of you can track

>>50019838
>>50019010
>>50020024
>be in the game store doing stuff with kneadatite
>have a set of wax sculpting tools for it
>owner's nephew vapes, sees the tools
>hey, they use these for dabbing!
Apparently it's some kind of thing involving wax and weed but I don't know anything about it.

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>>50027111
Knifenon here, props on the shoop

>>50027167
The worst short circuit they went through with the knife thing was a few sessions afterwards when they went to the Head Librarian and asked him permission to enter the Library in order to identify the knife that will allow them access to the library they need to get in for non-knife reasons.

Eventually I got so pissed off that I made a young librarian secure them access for a quarter of a day, so they can just get the other info and fuck off. Nope! They investigate the knife!

ON THE EQUIVELANT OF THE NORDIC LITERATURE SECTION!
No guesses if they acted with contempt to the one member that went "are you sure we'll find anything here? I mean, he said they found it on a dead viking, but..."

I'm getting an aneurism just thinking about it.

>>50027348
Couldn't you just have them take an Intelligence roll and feed them some info that they should be aware of already?

>props on the shoop
Not the guy, but the template has been on 4chan for a long time. It doesn't take much work from there.

>>50027404
I did, but a combination of extremely bad rolls and an insistance on searching the thing the library doesn't know about in said library, made it a tad harder than expected.

In the end, I threw an NPC at them that went "ey, I know this knife!" and resolved it ASAP, before I bit my nose off from frustration.

This thread just made me reminds me of a dopey player I had. Oddly enough I never disliked him, but... Man oh man. I was CO-GMing for my friend, running stuff for stragglers who weren't in the main group.

The guy in question was a new player we got- a scavenger with a bad temper (see getting mad at everything and anything) who quipped constantly and missed obvious clues. I could tell a lot of stories about him, but my favourite is definitely the one with his amazing one liner and him accidentally his own plot.

The setting is post-apoc and underground. Think Glukhovsky's Metro series and The Road had a one night fling. The slightly brain damaged but lovable child is our setting. There's a lot of scarcity of resources and enemy factions and raiders run amok with their salvaged, junky weapons.

Anyway, after missing a LOT of contextual clues the Scavenger ends up throwing in with a group of Revolutionaries- shit ass bandits who think they have a cause essentially.

The group's full of Bad Dudes and the Scavenger goes to raid caravan coming through that supposedly have medical supplies, in order to get in with their organization. How he got there is a story in itself.

Anyway, the Bad Dudes tamper with the lights when the caravan comes through. It goes dark, which they're equipped for, and they just start mascaraing people with the jump they had on the caravan.

>>50027584
I wanted the Scavenger to start questioning the path he was going down.

At one point he gets shot. His armor stops the junk round but he's bruised pretty bad and winded.

He pinpoints where the shot came from, and while the Bad Dudes are mopping up the rest of the Caravan Guard, the Scavenger goes over to get to the bottom of it.

He ends up finding a teenage boy. The kid's obviously terrified, curled up at the edge of the tunnel clutching a crappy pistol in both hands. He starts back peddling away when the Scavenger comes up.

I'm super curious what his reaction will be. I wonder if it'll be a moral dilemma for him.

He levels his rifle on the kid. He smirks and says "A bullet for a bullet, wouldn't you say?" AND FUCKING OBLITERATES THE KID.

For some reason that line has stuck with me for over a year.

Anyway, after the Bad Dudes kill everyone they hit the lights back on and the Scavenger finds a Survivor who hid under one of the railcarts. He brings it to the attention of 2 Bad Dudes, who start jeering. They decide as a further "initiation" they'll have the Scavenger "put him down."

>>50027591
Now, for whatever reason he interprets this as "pat him down." He starts to feel the guy up, to the confusion of the NPCs. The Survivor spits in his face, since Scav, y'know, helped kill all his buddies. One of the bandits tells Scav bluntly to put a bullet in the Survivor's head.

That won't do. NOW the Scavenger is having a moral dilemma. He hesitates.

What will he do? Will he tell the Bad Dudes to fuck off? Will he do the execution to get suspicions off then lowkey sneak off somewhere later?

No. He decides to stay crouched and whisper to the Survivor "I'm going to shoot by your head, just play dead okay?"

Bear in mind the two bandits are still there unloading the cart, and keeping half an eye on the pair. The Survivor thinks he is being toyed with but he tries to play along regardless, and unsurprisingly it doesn't work. The bandits can plainly see the Survivor ain't dead.

Queue confused laughter. They ask Scav "wtf" basically and Scav loses it. He tells them to fuck off and stomps down the tunnel to the squad's Leader- a real piece of work with a shotgun. Scav demands they let the Survivor go since the battle is over. The Leader tells him off, saying he's not going to let the Survivor go just so it can bite them in the ass later.

Scav's blood is boiling from this miscarriage of justice. I'm not sure why he chose this moment to get indignant (they already did some Bad Shit) but he ends up punching the Leader.

I'd say the Bad Dudes beat him stupid, but I think someone already did. They beat him unconscious and left him for dead in the tunnel. Later he woke up to a huge rat trying to figure out how to make a meal of him, and the Survivor deadzo.

He did live through that, but eventually did perish. Really he probably should have been killed by the bandits but I'm a sofite.

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>>50023082
>>50025730
I've started making mildly embarrassing characters that I can force my players to use if they don't get their sheet done in time, despite having weeks of notice and easy contact to discuss things with me.

Embarrassing like a halfling fighter. One that was actually functional in combat, though.

Now half my players tell me their character concept and beg me to stat it out for them. I feel I may have made a mistake.

>>50018514
Even worse shit: arguing that an NPC wouldn't respond in that negative way because, see, if you think about it logically, the best thing to do is...

>>50022982
You are in fact a bad DM if you let it go on for that long.

>>49999279
UHHH
IT'S THE FEAST OF THE BLOOD WAS IN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7sCCM4TzME

DAYWALKER~

>>49999189

>Initial Sessions 1-2: "I love this character, he's great"
>Session 3: "Haha, I get character gen now, gunna roll up some concepts at home"
>Session 4: "Yesterday I rolled X he seemed great"
>Session 5: "I don't like my character anymore."
>Session 6: They retire their original character or find a way to get killed off I know you do it intentionally Chris .

This is everyone in my group every fucking time we play a game of anything. It's a shitty ass lifecycle of all my campaigns to the point that recently I began experimenting where I just assume the entire party is recycled by every 8th session. It's been fun because I basically push the setting forward like 3-5 years. People who hold onto their characters in games where ageing is actually a mechanic does occasionally come into play. Though the 'I'm too old for this shit' catchphrase is thoroughly dead at my table.

>>50028146
What the fuck am I supposed to do

I MADE IT PAINFULLY, OBVIOUSLY CLEAR THAT THE GOBLIN KNEW NOTHING

and they KEPT TRYING.

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>>49999189

>"Here's my backstory"
>It's 4 pages long

>>50028546
That really depends on the GM.
Some just want 3 lines worth of backstory. Others demand 10 pages + a game of 20 questions.
No matter how you do it, somebody's going to look at you like you've ruined roleplaying forever.

>>50028567
>only 10 pages
>only 20 questions
>not asking for a full chaptered book before accepting players
>not going into a 3rd degree interogation and learning their blood type

YOU ARE KILLING THIS HOBBY
TAKE TEN LEVELS IN CANCER NOW

>>50028605

No GM worth his salt wants more backstory. They want less, punctuated with cool shit that you can use. Walls of backstory are the "throw mounds of shit at a wall and try to pick out the gold nuggets" approach to campaign design.

But then again, I'm a way bigger fan of Facts like Godbound does it, or Memories as recommended by angrygm here

http://theangrygm.com/the-memory-game/

For example,
>“When Alena was fifteen, her brother, Kiefer, was killed by goblins during a raid on her village. She insisted on taking up a sword and joining the militia that was going to fight the goblins, over her parents objections. Many of her townsfellows died fighting, but they prevailed. This experience left Alena tenacious and coldly desensitized to death.”

That shit is way more straight to the point and compelling that sifting through dozens of sentences for a singular piece of usable backstory.

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>>50028828
>not describing every little detail of the brother-sister relationship up to that point
>not having an entire chapter dedicated on the hardships of joining the militia
>not going into painstaking detail on every single strike she lands on the goblins
>not ending it with a two chapter long monologue, one internal, one external
>not feeling awkward when the GM screams like a banshe once you give him all five folders of your backstory
>not being surprised the GM drops your backstory to the floor and cracks the tiles

Why are you even playing if you are so lazy?

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>>50029052

No. Bad player. No! BAD!

>>50028605
What sort of shit GM accepts books that aren't good enough to be published?

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>>50029168
>entering my game without pitching a published character study series of books
>expecting to actually play

>Magicfag goes with a small group of PC/NPC to fight a lich
>the NPC carrying a fuckton of dynamite gets enthralled by the lich
>Magicfag tosses him a fireball
>nearly wipes the whole party save for him and another guy
>"WTF NAZI GM EXPLOSIVES DON'T WORK THAT WAY YOU ALL HATE ME BAAAAAAAAAAAAW"

To add to his predicament, this guy only play characters catering to his fetishes. He has a monster girl / tranny / rape fetish.

>>50029713
>To add to his predicament, this guy only play characters catering to his fetishes. He has a monster girl / tranny / rape fetish.

Ugh, I have a player like that. All of his characters have to be some variety of trans, and it's some different magical flavour every single time.

The absolute worst part is that when he's focusing on the game and playing his character, and not focusing on gender identity or what's between a given character's legs, he's actually a really good roleplayer. Just, good fucking luck getting him to focus on that. It's all about the trannies with him.

>>50029713
>>the NPC carrying a fuckton of dynamite gets enthralled by the lich
>>Magicfag tosses him a fireball
>>nearly wipes the whole party save for him and another guy

Reminds me of that story with the party that exploded a merchant and then tried looting his shop as it was exploding.

>>50020818 and >>50029713
Are the same player, by the way.

>>50021015
Now that's just funny.

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>>50029746

His next character, should his current one kick the bucket, is an alien-mutant thingy "everyone will find cute". Pic related.

Despite the GM an other player's efforts to make him understand he's begging to be killed, it just DOES NOT gets into his skull. Cuz he wants to fap to his roleplay, even if it is as lore-friendly as Rainbow Dash becoming an Ultramarine.

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>>50003376
We had a guy SO bad at this, one of the other players wrote down not only the modifier but the full formula for deriving the modifier in case of buffs, penalties, etc. /on the table itself/. (The player who wrote it owned the table, don't freak out.)

Somehow the problem player still had to ask for help sometimes.

>>50029936
It's like they're not even fucking trying.

>>50029872
please post the one where the scientist plays dress-up with the creature and then feels guilty afterwards

>>50029954
I am the GM, OP is one my player. The Magicfag only send me this one.

>>50029936
That's why I never bother to make my PCs do their rolls themselves when I GM on forums. Of course, there is the matter of trust (which I got from all of them save from the faggot in >>50029872), but it's way easier for me than to deal with this crap.

>>50028318
Uuuuuhhhhhh.... Is this Trevor??

>>50016474
Stoner here.

To Dab is a coloqualism for melting weed based wax. Like weed that has been refined into a wax.
Its called dabbing because you kinda dab it onto the piece you are smoking from.

Dabbing. It kinda makes you into the crummiest kind of stoner.

>>50030160
Isn't it also some kind of hip hop dance move?

>>50030170
Yes it is also that.

>>50020385
You just sound like a control freak, honestly. I would be fine with players adding their own fluff to things, as long as they clear it.

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>>50029981
Nevermind, found it.

>>50020922
Yeah I know that feeling. I have an idiot girl in one of my games who I tried to help by writing information on her sheet. She ignored it. I eventually wrote in all caps and giant letters in the middle of her sheet, THE ONLY THING I EVER ROLL and the dice.

Ignored it. Asked what to roll every turn. When I pointed to what I'd written she said, "I didn't understand what that meant". Still asks every turn.

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>>50029981
You can send him back this.

>>50030170
Probably. I only felt the need to clarify, because dab stoners have a tendency to be "not all there".

If I was going to play with someone then they said "I dab", I'd roll my eyes and proceed with caution.

>>50029749
>Reminds me of that story with the party that exploded a merchant and then tried looting his shop as it was exploding.
Source?

>>50030259
I'd just play the patience game with the player.
Don't help, just insist that they know. They either realize they're being stupid and start doing their own work, or they get angry and leave. But if they don't care to think about the problem, they have no place at the table anyway, so it's no loss.

>>50028567
>No matter how you do it, somebody's going to look at you like you've ruined roleplaying forever.
The most true thing ever written on the board

>>50002650

>put her down for resisting arrest and bribery

that doesn't seem like something that warrants the death sentence.

[Of an NPC] "I don't trust her to not know things."

>>50030819
What is it with PCs thinking random fucking NPCs will be fonts of information

>>49999808
I'll only allow it if we are playing a new system.

>>50030842
Because the DM knows everything.

>>50030899
that doesn't mean the NPC knows dick!

Its an NPC!

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>>50030842
>This random-ass peasant with half a sentence worth of description surely knows the villain's secret weakness and the location of the flying doom fortress

>>50030915
But if the NPC doesn't know dick, how does it piss?

>>50030842
I "blame" it to modern video game RPGs where it's always a random schmuk that knows the one weakness of the BBEG or is secretly the reincarnation of the ancient civilization who is instrumental to save the world.

"If a NPC is there, he MUST be there for a reason and not just be a random bystander"

>>50030842
But do they recognize the knife?

>>50030952
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS KNIFE?

>>50030951
even modern RPGs have NPCs that are there just to fill out the world.

>>50029052
>not describing every little detail of the sexual brother-sister relationship up to that point

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>>50030842

To be fair, this NPC has a habit of knowing things she shouldn't.

because, and the players do not know this, she is the greatest diviner in all of human history.

And that's today's episode of "explaining the joke".

>>50031003
I might've been too harsh in my explanation, but I agree.

Maybe his players are just dipshits.

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>>50031717
They're not, it's just that the quote is only really funny without context. See: >>50031497

It's more "justifiable paranoia" than anything else.

>>50019771
Then describe your own fucking attacks???

>>50031497
Hey miss diviner, what can you tell me about this knife?

>>50030842
whenever my players do this i always try and make things a little interesting, or set up a little side quest. like one time they interrogated a guy in a tavern.
The npc out of desperation confessed to the players he had been cheating on his wife for some time, the bard then sat down and gave him some relationship advice
the players got a little discount at his blacksmith shop from then on.

>>50003574
I use AppChan. Is 4chanX better?

>>50032475
Last I heard, 4chanX is dead. I used to use it, but then an update fucked it or it stopped working, and a new update never came. Switched to Appchan now.

>>50016474
>friends dab in a toys r us
>this is apparently the funniest shit ever
>first half hour of the session is them sharing shitty meme videos starring themselves

>>50020240
>ALSO, can I have a custom background? It's basically the Noble background, but the feature lets him get in with uncivilized groups as opposed to high society.

This is the only thing there that bothers me if it's fluff, because they already have that background: it's called a fucking Charlatan. Not to mention background aspects like personality traits, flaws or ideals can be so universal you can pick and choose them and it'll be more interesting backstory generator than rolling dice while sticking to the background the specific table is under. So there's really ZERO reason for customizing in a "it's like x but y" way.

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>>50031888
Folded zero times, reclaimed for a scrap heap, american pig iron.

Truly, a more terrifying blade has never been built.

>>50027734
At least if you stat it out you can make sure they're competent without it breaking the game and whatever plans you have.

>>50029713

What property of explosives was being "misrepresented"?

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>>50027584
>>50027591
>>50027622
>kills child
>demands an adult combatant POW gets set free

>>50019771
Yeah what >>50031826 says.

You roll, determine the result, then describe it.

>>50026936
You need to go full retard on dumping points on combat to have the problem in point buys.

You get it by just selecting fighter in D&D.

>"The litany is only against werewolves reproducing so it wouldn't apply to gay ones, right?"

The uncomfortable silence was still in full force when he followed up with:

>"Okay, so have you guys heard of this thing called the Sacred Band?"

>>50021031
There's a Japanese fable that is literally that

It really gets on my tits when people make bitchy comments like "Oh so I contributed nothing to that fight then." Nigga at it's very core this system is literally down to luck, sometimes you're gonna the the hero doing cool shit and sometimes you're gonna fuck up, put on your big boy pants and deal with it.

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>These city guards are untrustworthy, let's be dicks to them.
>These farmers are dumbass peasants, so they would follow their corrupt government
>Why government is corrupt? Well, it MUST BE corrupt!
>Yes, this questgiver is shifty, even though his life literally depends on outcome of the situation and he's willing to go with PCs.
>I'm pretty sure these demons from underworld have their own good reasons, let's talk with them
(one near-TPK later)
>This demonologist looks like a nice fellow, maybe he will stop opening this portal to underworld and help us talk with those demons if we speak to him!
>Bringing him a live human sacrifice? Great, we know a few assholes!
(demons are terrorizing countryside, governor is overtaken by Woopwoop the Unholy and chaos reighs)
>Why did you punish us for being invested?

>>50002739
Shitty player located.

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>>49999189
At the beginning of every AD&D 2e game I played with an old group

>Rolls a ranged expert character
>"Can I have a gun?"

>Rolls a fighter
>"Can I have a suit of plate mail?"

>Rolls a fighter/mage
>"Can I have some elven chain mail?"

Then later at high levels with their castles and followers:

>Let them build their realm up
>"This is boring."

>Literally throwing plot hooks at them
>Send followers or mercs to sort it out and stay at home
>Expell anyone who isn't a servant or another player from their court
>"This game is boring, why isn't anything happening?"
>Tell them that they have to actually DO stuff
>Next session they have plotted to kill the king who gave them all vast tracts of land, burn down the forest where the elves live, and turn the local halfling shire into Auchwitz

>>50011300
What is, the edge?

>>50003471
This is forgivable unless they do it twice

>>50030951
>>50031003
The difference being, in CRPGs you can only ask very specific questions.
Typically, if the option to ask about the super-villains secret weak point comes up, the NPC has something interesting to say on the topic.

CRPGs discourage thinking because all you have to do is follow the fat red line that is conservation of detail and quest markers. Often the players will find out they have finally found the bad guy by reading the dialog option "I've got you now, vile beast!"
At least the elderscrolls are slightly better at this, but not by much. It would be funny if you could actually address any inhabitant of a virtual world with "I've got you now, vile beast!"
I know I'd fall for it at least 5 times before I'd wise up and try to figure things out for myself.

>>50032475
I've never tried appchan. 4chanX is pretty nice though.

>>50032539
Several forks died, but the one in the link is being actively updated as you should be able to tell from the list of updates.

>>50036069
Explosives are supposed to be fun.

>>50038242
>Why government is corrupt? Well, it MUST BE corrupt!
While irritating, it is a sensible assessment.

>>50039349
Dwarf Fortress allows you to do that.

Dwarf Fortress also simulates conversations between the demons that inhabit hell, and they do a whole lot of chatting. Mostly about how dark it is.

>>50005031
>rolls 20
>You decide it was for seduction
> O-oh! Such a naughty knight sticking your hand there! Did I say stop? Dig around a little. It has been so long since I have taken a lover... and such an eager one at that. Most of them were bards who quaked as they pleaded to rut with me, but you're so forward you remind me of that cute prince a few centuries back.

>>50040550
That could backfire horribly

One thing that drives me up the wall is the one player that uses INT/WIS as a dump stat but always plays the character as incredibly intelligent tactical geniuses. Feels almost cheating.

>>50041572
Always rubs me the wrong way, too- it's why I'm inclined to use systems where there are no attributes, just skills.
>Jar-Jar, you're a genius!

>>50003376
We have a new player that is doing this, at first it was fine, he's new.

However we're 4 sessions in and he still asks what dice to roll when he attacks. He has rolled the same dice every single time, everyone has rolled the same dice every single time. It is also the most used dice in the system. How can you possibly not remember something that shows up so frequently.

Like it has reached passed the point of newness or being a bad learner. The only explanation I can think of is he doesn't care or he is doing it on purpose.

>>50041572
>Feels almost cheating.
Well, it is.
But you can easily stop him.
>"Roll for Intelligence."
>*fails horribly*
>"Your character doesn't know that."

>>50022982
My players act like I'm trying to da'vinci code them after every statement I make. The worst is whenever we arrive at a new town.

I like to make sure that if there a town/city in our campaign that it makes logical sense and there are establishments that you would find in the average town. However they always feel that if I mention any location that there HAS to be something plot relevant at that location.

Had this happen last night (made even funnier that it WAS plot relevant but not at that time):

>Party arrives in a village at night
>Incredibly small village, a population of 15-25 small.
>Casually mention that there is a school for young children as I'm describing the town.
>They think they cracked the code and in the cloak of night they head to the school.
>It isn't locked like most things in the village and they head in easily. They do a thorough investigation and regardless of rolls or whatever they wish to find I constantly tell them they don't see anything out of the ordinary at all.
>They find a chest in the head office of the school. It's locked. They're excited, this must be where the plot is!
>They manage to break into the chest and they just find paperwork, test results, and up to date description of the few kids that go to the school.
>One player wants to thoroughly go through each document. I break character and explain there is nothing there, he still wants to do it.
>The other players continue to search around or keep an eye out for guards. He finishes it. He discovers that the children have been doing quite well in their studies.

Also after a bunch of rolling, a villager heard a noise in the school and called the only guard in town to check it out and a bunch of 5th level players manage to botch stealth checks against a single guard. Now the session ended with all the villagers not trusting the adventurers. I made quite a few plot lines but the school isn't one of them. The kids that attend are but kids aren't in school at midnight.

>>50041982
>a population of 15-25 small.
>there is a school
Say what?

From GM

>The enemy Critfails his accuracy test and instead of hitting the other PC...it hits you
>Wait what
>You were near him
>That's not how critfails work

>Okay so you shoot your gun and you critfail...so you get hurt
>What?
>You critfailed so you hit yourself with your own gun
>What the fuck?

>I know I said this campaign is text only, but bear with me since I have a learning dissability and can't type anything well
>The fuck

>PC gets a power that's usually really hard to come by, or takes like a session to get
>GM just gives it to him out of nowhere
>"So he just got it like that?"
>"Yeah, you have one too, why didn't you used it before?"
>"BECAUSE I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE ONE"

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32KB, 461x331px

>>50042019
Due to reasons children cannot leave the village, so they have to be educated within the village. They built a tiny schoolhouse because they believe education is important even if it's' currently for only 5 children

I don't understand how 15-25 isn't small.

>>50042109
>I don't understand how 15-25 isn't small.
Nah, that wasn't a problem.

But a village of 25 wouldn't usually have a physical school building. There'd be homeschooling or nothing in medieval times, and there'd be homeschooling or riding the bus for several hours every day in modern times.

Unless the village recently experienced a decline in population.

>>50042155
The latter cannot be done for story reason.
I didn't even think about home schooling honestly, I'll keep that in mind for future reference.

>>50037598
>Werewolf Band of Thebes
>Bad

>>50041572
I'll occasionally do this on accident. We had a game where I played an explosives expert who got some character development and ended up going from a mercenary focused on adventure to a faux-misanthrope who actually wanted to save people's lives and protect them from the horrors of the world. The party split for awhile and he ended up as the face for a group of other cynical bastards.

Problem was it was a Fallout game, and his charisma was -2-.

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447KB, 1000x1500px

>>49999238
>I know that this is a nazi game, but can I play a Jew who subscribes to Nazi ideology and wants to eradicate all Jews?

>>50042079
>The enemy Critfails his accuracy test and instead of hitting the other PC it hits you

>You critfailed so you hit yourself with your own gun

this. this is terrible. this is why I'm forever dm