>You feel a dagger pressing against your throat from behind.

"More like, which are you GITH, amirite? Haha."

>t. bard

>>49910551
''Just kill me already.''

>>49910551
Power Word Kill.

>>49910592
...gith the fuck out

>>49910551
*blinks behind you"
*instantly draws silver soul sword*
*severs your astral soul thread*
Psssh.... kiss the dust, addle-cove.

>>49910551
Githzerai. Because a githyanki would just kill you anyway.

A while back there was this smut artist that went under the moniker Githzerai, he promptly deleted everything and disappeared. Shame.

>>49910551
>push throat into dagger and twist
>turn and croak, "you'll beg for death in 24 hours"
>enter gaseous form and return to coffin
>return and completely exterminate all nine branches of his stupid not-elf clan while he watches bound, then put out his eyes and make him service my rankest bloodwhales until he expires from inhaling undead tuna retch

>>49910551
"ILLITHID FOR LYFE!"
>psionic blast

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>>49910825
>enter gaseous form and return to coffin
literally my life

I serve house Cannot, and that dagger is pressing up against a bundle of steel threaded tendons that help me move my neck. While damage to that area would be frustrating, it would hardly hamper me and could be fixed eventually.

>>49911180
>House Cannot
MOTHERFUCKING AUTO CORRECT
House Cannith.

All gith shits should be killed on sigh desu

>>49910551
"Speak English you fucking weeb"

>>49911191
No you were right the first time anon.

I say Githyanki, because Githzerai don't tend to use blades.

*Rolls 1 for diplomacy*

Wait, hold on a sec... which is which? Sorry. No offense, but you both kinda look alike.

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>>49911459
>but you both kinda look alike
Ooh shit.

>>49910551
"There cannot be two skies".

Githyanki. I'm not a Chaotic retard.

>>49911254
Same.

I DON'T LIKE ANIMANIACS

>>49910551
"Well, right now, the only person with me is you. So I guess the answer to that question is whichever you are, because you're with me."

>>49910551

Fucking hell DM I'm a dirt farmer from the middle of bum fuck nowhere I wouldn't know what either of those are!

>>49910551
"...Can I have a lifeline?"
My character probably wouldn't know who either of them were, and would try to remain as civil as possible while explaining they're not part of this conflict.

Illithids. I can't believe these slaves think they have a side at all. Food should stay in the larder.

>>49910551
Uhh, i'm more of a neutral guy, could we speed this up? Money's in the back left pocket.

>>49911254
Githzerai blade masters are a thing

>>49910551
"I'm... not from around here. Are those people or nations or what?"

>>49911796
>while explaining they're not part of this conflict.
I think you are the second you're asked to choose.

>>49910551
West Harbor.

>>49911997
It's a matter of statistics, Githzerai don't tend to use blades, Githyanki do, intensively.

>>49910551
Do I feel tiddies against my back? It matters

"Oh I'm with the Gith*mumble* definitely"

>>49912275
Are the Githzerai exclusively male or something?

>>49910551
>*teleports behind u*
>*snaps ur neck*

Psssh...

>>49910551

What pitch is the voice speaking in?

The githyanki and githzerai have different kinds of noses. It stands to reason that their voices will sound different. If so, you'll be able to differentiate them by the pitch of their voice.

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>>49910551
"I'm with Master."

>>49912393
Okay, let's say for the sake of argument that there's a distinct difference.
How the hell would you know which was which if you had never met either before.

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>Don't mention brains, don't mention brains, remember to speak using your mouth, don't mention brains...

>>49912449
"Nice brains we're having, huh?"

>>49912429
>How the hell would you know which was which if you had never met either before.

That wasn't stated in the original question. Quit adding new rules!

>>49912470
I laughed harder than is reasonable.

>>49912349
No but the gith are all flat chested so it could give some combat knowledge to know how close they are or if it is not a gith species.

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>>49912562
>gith are all flat chested
Now I'm interested.

>>49910551
". . . Jewish?"

>>49910551
Are we not going to point out that this guy can't tell the difference between a Mindflayer and a Gith?

>>49912583
Most of your non "biblical" dnd outsiders usually have next to no tits or ass. That or they are beastfolk.

Mindflayer females look like someone bolted empty bird cages to their chest.

Uhhh, Githzerai?

>>49912724
I mean, Githzerai are less likely to murder you just for the hell of it.
I mean, they're mostly Lawful Neutral leaning, right? They live in Limbo and become monks.
Githyanki serve a Lich Queen, anyone of them that might one day become powerful enough to challenge her get Black Throned, and are generally irritable about everything.

>>49912767
But they get sick ass red dragons to ride into battle with while doing mind cocaine.

>>49912788
And they live on the petrified corpses of forgotten gods floating in the void. Githyanki are so 200% METAL I dunno why you'd bother with the Githzerai.

Like when you need a Githyanki warlord or warband or w/e you should actually just get a random metal album and base it entirely on that.

>>49910551
"I don't know what either of those are."
And then he either dies horribly or learns what those are depending on my GM's mood.

>>49910551
The correct answer is Githzerai, as a Githyanki wouldn't come up behind you with a dagger, they'd come at you from the front and ask while actively assaulting you with their sword.

>>49910551
Is it ever specified what their clothes are made out of?

>>49912901
Well, Githzerai live in Limbo, which is the fuckin Plane of Chaos and has no true form to it, only the form that it is given by its inhabitants, so their clothes are made out of whatever the fuck they want them to be made out of.
Githyanki probably wear the skins of the foes they've slain.

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>>49910551
I'm from the shadowfell dumbass

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>>49910551
>I plead the Gith.

>>49910551
>eat the motherfucker because I'm a troll-blooded humanoid (giant) and a sliced esophagus is merely a fleshwound

>>49910551
He's a Rogue Trader's resident mad scientist/explorator/totally-not-a-heretek with an interest in warp manipulation ... also, his 'head' is a servoskull as of last week's session.
>'Head' detaches and attemps to inject whatever drug seems most amusing into the attacker
>Rest of my body phases into incorporeality, steps backward through the githshit
>Scan the environment
>If it looks safe, phase back into existence and neural shredder the xeno scum into a convulsing mess so he can be taken to the lab/brig and interrogated.

So let's think about this

yanki are fucking crazy space pirates whose god-queen thing hates any non-yanki.

They use swords alot

zerai are super chill isolationist monk guys who probably aren't gonna murder some guy

they don't use swords as much but they kinda do

frankly I think if it was a Yanki and you weren't a gith, he'd just kill you outright.

a yanki would also probably know if you're lying because of psionic bullshit and why would that random human be aligned to us?

if you say Zerai, you atleast have a chance

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>>49913371

>>49913248
Good. This is good.

>>49910551
"Wha-what? No, you got it with mate. I'm their with whatever which you said, I'm with Catering!"

>>49912597
Good way to pick the ONE race EVERYONE is against.

Like, even Illythids will occasionally work with Drow.

>>49913248
> This is why my character walks around everywhere, you know.

>>49910551
Shut up and pass the skooma.

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>>49910551
" . . . . . how much are you offering to pay?"

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>49910551r
I roll to grapple

>>49914162
Congrats anon, you somehow managed to grapple and choke yourself

Rolled 11 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

>>49910551
I attempt to headbutt, smashing the back of my steel helmet into his face.

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>>49910551

"I'm the one who invented both of you."

>>49914211
Pretty sure that's a guaranteed stabbing.

They got some reasons to hate their creator.

>>49913371
point of order. the Gith_ races are abhumans, not xenos.

>>49910551
>Githyanki or Githzerai

Gesundheit

>Implying I'm flatfooted
>Implying I'm not going to kill you after you stab me for 4 damage

>>49910551
That depends, which one of you is more flammable and/or paying more?

>>49910551
Casually Misty Step away.

>Sorry, I'm agnostic

"I'm new to this part of the world, as you can tell from my apparel, and have no idea what you are talking about."

Rolled 1, 5 = 6 (2d6)

>>49910551
I roll to bluff.
>"Why I'm with the Githhrfffff*cough cough* of course! Why would I work with anyone else?!"

Rolled 16 (1d20)

>>49914357
Woops.

>>49910551
"I'm with whoever doesn't put a fucking knife to my neck."

Followed by a timely backwards headbutt.

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>>49910551

THERE CANNOT BE TWO SKIES.

>>49910551

*Know* that I follow Zerthimon.

I always wanted to have a Grimlock PC who got rescued from Illithids by a Gith war party that ended with one of the Gith stranded. The two then strike up a friendship based on "Fuck Mindflayers" and then go on Underdark adventures.

>>49911180
>>49911191
>implying House Cannith hasn't got an Area 51 facility for stolen yanki jammers

>>49910551
I'm with the Giff.

>>49914392

>backwards headbutt
>WOW THAT METAL PLATING HITTING MY SHOULDER SURE DID HURT, BETTER STUMBLE TEN FEET BACKWARDS AND CHUCK MY WEAPON OFF TO THE SIDE, JUST OUT OF CONVENIENT REACH

Fuck this trope

>>49914687
Obviously you'd aim for the face, approximating it's location from where the sound of his voice was coming from. And the point isn't to stun him or win the fight, it's just to get out of the precarious position you've been put in in order to properly fight back.

And thats why dnd is shit

>>49914776
Oh shit forgot quotes
>>49914302

The side that's happy to go on a dangerous and supposedly suicidal quest at your behalf, bringing my powerful allies and telling them a nice elf man promised them an amount of gold coincidentally equal to what's currently in my bag?

>>49910551
"Whichever pays better. I've yet to receive any offers, if you're interested. If you'd kindly remove that dagger and stop acting like a cowardly kobold, I'd be happy to show you how much my skills are worth."

feint build Rogue/Fighter, maxed diplomacy, bluff, and intimidate. Not a sure fire thing, but I think my chances of surviving the encounter would be pretty good. If my assassin buddy was nearby, it would be a sure thing, though.

>>49910551
>Githyanki
>Githzerai
>D&D
i turn 360 degrees and walk out of the room

>>49914302
>>49914794
coupe de grace nigga

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>>49910551

I'd never side with them damn Yankees, if that's what yer implyin'!

>>49910592
they are both faggots

>>49913248
you silly cunt

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"Whichever one you want, sweetheart. I'm ya goblin."

>>49915340
>Top button undone
>Federal issue shirt
>CS belt buckle
>Battleflag with trim

FUCKING FARBIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I was born 87 years ago. For 65 years I've ruled as Tamriel's emperor. But for all these years, I've never been the ruler of my own dreams. I have seen the gates of Oblivion, beyond which no waking eye may see. Behold, in darkness a doom sweeps the land. This is the 27th of Last Seed, the year of Akatosh, 433. These are the closing days of the 3rd Era...and the final hours of my life.

>>49915507
Its hard to sound dramatic when resurrection costs about as much as a down payment on a heavy warhorse.

>>49910714
anyone save anything from them?

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*Know* that if it was a Githyanki you would already be dead, so it's probably a 'zerai

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>>49910825

"Whichever one wouldn't kill me without giving me a chance."

>you will never adventure through the cosmos from the stone corpse of a dead god crushing all opposition as one of a gang of fedora-tipping githyanki knights riding red dragons and perfecting your mastery of astral swordplay to such an extent that throughout the entire universe arcane swordsmen will be named after your order, all for the glory of your beautiful and eternal lich queen

>>49918253
>you will never have a blade that can cut through the very fabric of reality

>>49910551
>image search

Githyanki.

>>49910551
"I'm hunting Illithids"

>>49918329
That's some powerful scrying magic, stranger.

"Whichever one wants to help me hunt down a illithid raiding party. Supposedly a group of ten to fifteen, not including mind-crushed thralls. You want in?"

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>>49918400
Correct answer

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*Transmits answer telepathically*
"I am but a simple trader travelling the astral planes. Please, allow me to show you my wares!"

>>49918758
>deliberating triggering Gith's psychic defense murder switch
por que?

>>49914288
Don't you mean GITHsundheit?

>>49918793
But it's the truuuth!!

>>49910551

"I'm with anyone who sees the threat that the Illithids represent, and will do what it takes to exterminate them from every corner of the mutliverse."

>>49910592
The only proper answer.

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Rolled 7 + 4 (1d20 + 4)

I pull out my own dagger and press it against my throat. In a gruff voice I reply,
"You won't get any answers out of this surface worlder if he's dead! Now drop the knife and back away!"
In a pleading voice I continue,
"Oh lawd he crazy! Do what he say, do what he say!"

>>49910551
pretty sure githzerai are typically monks who use no weapons, so if there's a dagger at my throat my odds are good it's not them.

>>49910551
> "Neither, I'm an elf!"
> "Then I must be the luckiest dwarf alive!"

>>49919026
>Takes time to actually read thread after posting the joke.
Wait so I'm actually the only person who's heard this joke before?
Letting me down /tg/, letting me down.

>>49910551
"Yeah, sure, one of those"

>>49918938
This guy is on another level

>>49915311
>>360 degrees

>>49910551
Githzerai. Aren't the 'yanki like enslaved to their lich queen or something?

>>49914444
"Balance in all things."
>tfw you still live by this

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>>49910551
I eat him.

>>49919653
For the last time, Mike! We aren't playing Necromunda you god damned lolicon!

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>>49919670
>Necromunda with little girls
fund it

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Ya wanna get fuck'd kid?

>>49920126
>>49919670
*Nechronica
Fuck, my bad.

>>49910551

I don't Gith a fuck.

I want to impregnate a cute githyanki

>>49910551
Say githzerai. If he lowers the blade I know my new vendetra is to kill all gothzerai. If he slices I know it's about killing all the others. Either way my devil deals render me immortal against all but the weapons of angels, and my social skills are up to "speaking inspires soul shattering devotion".