Storytime

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Part 2 1/2
>First goblin ambush encounter begins
>Decided to let AL’s barehanded blows do 1D8 instead of 1D4 because I didn’t want to let that player be deadweight. Also give him unarmed proficiency. And let it count as dual wielding. Again, first D&D session, no idea what we were doing.
>Rogue friend and AL decide to go first to inspect dead horses in the middle of the trial.
>Ten year old kid decides to stay hidden nearby in case something happened.
>Cue goblin ambush of 4 arrows
>So these goblins had the choice of either A. A large 7 foot warrior or B. A slightly evil looking rogue
> AL gets 4 goblins shooting at him with arrows.
>Manages to dodge them all, he had like an armour class of 12 on account of only wearing shorts, but he manages to dodge 4 hits.
>Gets first on initiative because of course he does. Rushes toward one of the goblin’s, does a hammer strike on him. Rolls an eight on damage, so yeah that goblin’s head is now in its anus.
>Ten year old goes next, sneaks up to goblin nearest AL and knocks it out as per his class ability.
>That’s right, I made class abilities, Rogues could knock out any humanoid enemy if they were undetected, thought it was a great idea so Rogues could be all sneaky and shit during combat.
>AL could shit his pants to regain HP somehow. We were 14 okay.
>Goblin on other side of the road decide to try to bow and arrow my friend who was playing his loner rogue, misses by a wide margin.
>Rogue friend tries to attack other two goblins. Rolls very low, misses and hits a tree.
>Tree loses 5 hit points.

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Part 2 2/2
>Other Goblin proceeds to fuck up Rogue.
>AL ain’t havin none of that, rushes over and strikes both goblins with his dual wield fists.
>WhatWasIThinking.jpg
>One dies immediately, other one ends up being rather healthy
>10 year old busy inspecting horse corpses.
>Remaining Goblin decides to try and book it.
>Rogue friend Crossbows it in the ankle.
>AL player decides that dual wielding fists isn’t enough. Picks up goblin and wants to use him as living weapon.
>Why the fuck not
>Party waits until unconscious goblin wakes up. Goblin see’s very out of it friend slung over giants back like a club.
>Spills everything faster then you can roll intimidation.
>Rogue friend decides to do his thing and kills Goblin very slowly any way.
>Party decides to go to goblins hideout.
Will probably continue if anyone’s interested

MORE PEASANT.
MOOOOOOOOORE.

The hell is wrong with you, post your tale of magical healing shit

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Part 3 1/2
>Other friend finally arrives. Ask what took so long.
>Turns out they had printed out some spells. All of them, like, everything spell related in the Player’s Handbook. 10 year old asked if he was going to use that compendium as his weapon.
>Resume campaign. Rogue is grateful to AL for saving him, has some character growth, that’s good isn’t totally gone.
>Party gets to goblin cave, meets other friend playing a female wizard.
>Party has no problems going in, dispatching of any goblins easily.
>Find room with wolves inside chained up
>AL wants to pet the nice doggies but his new Rogue friend tells him that’s a terrible idea.
>Gets further through cave, goblin on bridge ahead spots them and gives a signal.
>Cue rushing wall of water coming straight for them.
>AL shouts out “AL will protect new friend” punches through the wall of the cave (made them roll for it) and uses it as a handhold while grabbing onto Rogue.
>Everyone pretty succeeds on their saving rolls and they continue.
>They discover a side passage that seems to lead to a goblin bunk room.
>Goblins just milling about doing stuff, couple of them producing a stew in a boiling pot. Also plot critical NPC is prisoner at end of room
> AL decides to run up to these goblins, who upon seeing a 7ft half naked man running at them wielding one of their own as a club were unable to do anything, and pushes both of them into the pot. They literally boil alive.
>Other party members rush in to mop up remaining goblins and it is a bloodbath.
>Won’t go into detail but AL swings his (literal) goblin club taking out everyone. 10 year old makes their halfling crawl under one goblin in order to trip them up, he’s doing pretty good honestly.
>Ends with Goblin lieutenant injured and clutching at the prisoner threatening to kill him.
>Cue Wizard Magic Missle’ing his head clean off.
>Did I mention they were the brooding, insane, loner type as well?

I was actually there for this, I was the resident Mage, and it was amazing

I've been saving Al to use for myself in the future...

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Part 3 2/3
>Prisoner is very grateful.
>Party tells him to wait by the cave entrance while they mop up the rest of the cave.
>Nothing much to say, Party does rather well, AL drowns a goblin in backup flooding dam, the usual.
>Party gets to door to boss.
>Wizard has honestly pretty good idea, casts light on door to make it, well, light up. Attracts attention of two goblins and bugbear in the room.
>Waits until one gets close then AL kicks the door open, swinging his club wildly.
>Clearly whatever they were expecting was not that.
>Kills one goblin with door and club combination.
>Two rogues make stealth checks. 10 year old fails, Rogue friend sneaks past bugbear big bad and his pet wolf.
>Bugbear uses his move to attack AL. Probably the first damn time he’s been hit all session.
>Does a fair bit of damage, Al was on like 2 or 3.
>Wolf attacks but barely misses. Goblin is shitting himself in terror.
>Wizard blasts wolf with a fire bolt, wolf proceeds to run around. Would have tail between its legs if it wasn’t on fire.
>AL retaliates, but doesn’t do much, neither does 10 year olds crossbow.
>Enter rogue friend

I'll just make a correction though,
>Goblin Lieutenant is fine
>Threatening to kill prisoner if we don't leave
>Convince Lieutenant to swap me for prisoner
>Lieutenant agrees
>I strip my weapons and approach.
>Insta kills Lieutenant with generic magic spell (Can't remember which one)
>Fight starts, Al insta kills the two goblins
>The other goblins are killed quickly
>We walk out fine

>>49909302
I'll tell the stories around here.

Then get it right =P

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Part 3 3/3
>Rogue Friend uses that class ability (kill me) to knock out the bugbear.
>Goblin decides enough is enough and skedaddles on out of there.
>Wolf is promptly put out of its misery by the Wizard
>Party notices goblin doesn’t leave normal way, uses secret exit to escape, one that goes through the wolf room.
>Forgot to mention that the party had decided to release the wolf’s after the flood, wolves were grateful enough to leave them be.
>So party is at the top of a narrow vertical tube, listening to a goblin getting ravaged by wolves, what do they decide to do?
>Rogue friend makes AL push bugbear down it of course.
>After looting party checks in on wolves while their eating.
>Party brings up idea of using wolf pack as attack squad but being inexperienced I tell them no, it would bring too much into combat encounters, so they leave them.
>Talk to prisoner and he tells them goblins took dwarf guy they were escorting supplies for somewhere else.
>Party decides fuck it, we’ll take the supplies ourselves.
>Go back to wagon with dead horses, strap AL into position to drag cart and ride it into town.
>completely forget about prisoner.

Oh God, what DID we do with him? That's pretty bad.

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Part 4 1/?
>Party rolls up into town
>Ten Year Old had to go home cause it was getting late, AL player managed to stay longer thankfully
>Get to shop to sell supplies.
>Party gets their money. Rogue Friend steals some shit from other shops in town.
>AL tries to sell his now beaten and bloody goblin club.
>Doesn’t work clearly, AL however falls in love with store clerk and tries to get her to marry him.
>Getting kinda tired with his stuff at this point I tell him that she’s a lesbian
>Tries to seduce her anyway.
>Tell him I’ll only accept a natural 20
>Rolls a natural 20
>AL’s sexiness transcends preconceived notions of attractiveness.
>AL gets engaged to store clerk
>Party gets “friend of the groom discounts”
>Decide to end the session there.

He always got the best rolls. There was this one time we were joking about Al.
>AL RIDE DRAGON
>You can ride the dragon if I flip this coin and it lands on it's side.
>Coin lands on side
I'm just thankful that it didn't happen in the game and only as a joke...

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Part 4 2/3
>Next session comes around.
>10 year old isn’t coming anymore, kinda disappointed.
>AL player brings a new sheet
>Their wedding vows, entirely in character, lots of broken english professions of love, admittance that he needs the toilet very badly, all spread over like 2 sheets.
>Fuck it, wedding bells are ringing.
>Force party to sit through AL ramble through wedding vows for a full 10 minutes, other two players look braindead by the end.
>Wife is of course still enamored with his critical success.
>Party travels through city
>Meets resident gang who tries to extort them for money.
>Clearly they were confidant
>They last like a minute.
>Party mills around a while.
>Entire gang comes out of their hideaway in an abandoned castle, all of them, like 20. In the middle of the night half of them wielding torches.
>Party not fazed.
>Cook up plan to deal with them

>>49909527
Amazing.

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Part 4 3/3
>Party decides to use Wizard backed up by thaumaturgy to scare some of them off, then ambush them from the nearby alleyways.
>Wizard rolls pretty high on the intimidate, 10 just sort of run away and the rest end up being stunned.
>AL Charges out of an alley and closelines two of them.
>I had decided in my wisdom to give him an extra D2 to damage every time he leveled, and he had reached around level 2 or 3 by that point.
>Gang members end up having their necks snapped.
>Rogue takes crossbow pot shots from out of sight.
>Gang members take their turn, divide up between AL and Wizard.
>AL is, of course, either not getting hit or taking very little damage, which didn’t matter because I believe he had +30 health at this point. I was such a good DM.
>Gang members actually take a good chunk out of the Wizard, who responds with a cone of burning hands.
>Most die from that, though a few live long enough to get picked off by the rouge.
>Al meanwhile is effectively taking down two with each hit, if not killing then putting them very near.
>Gang members are all dead
>Ten who retreated earlier come back, rinse and repeat what just happened.

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Part 5 1/3
>Party decides it’s a good idea to invade the castle, the idea being they probably just killed most of the gang in one fell swoop.
>Fair enough you probably did.
>Rogue goes off to hunt and torture gang members who wisely decided to run away into the forest and says he’ll meet them there.
>That happens, and my god was it edgy, as was the blade he used to slice them up.
>Party gets into castle dungeon. Nobody there, I dragged all the gang members out of the dungeon to die earlier.
>They do stumble across a guard Nothic.
>Which is like a demon, reptile, cyclops thing.
>D&D is weird sometimes.
>Anyway it gives them more trouble than the 20 gang members they just fought, almost kills the wizard, rogue keeps missing with the crossbow and AL’s punches aren’t rolling very high for once.
>They eventually kill it after I basically tell them they get double damage hitting it in the eye.
>Party levels up, wizard takes a spell called Phantasmal Killer.
>This damn spell, was the bane of my existence.
>We had badly misread the rules of the spell, which lead us to believe after using it all enemies in the room took 4D10 every turn.
>Pretty much every encounter after that was a joke because of it.
>Case in point…

I wasn't anywhere near high enough level for it aswell.

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Part 5 2/3
>Party gets to the gang leader’s room
>He’d basically barricaded himself inside with everyone else he could scrounge up, so some gang members, some magic users and a couple of bugbears.
>AL bursts into the room from one side while the wizard and rogue burst in the other side.
>Wizard tries Phantasmal Killer for the first time.
>Everyone except the leader and the bugbears die, and they aren’t too fresh either.
>Rogue quickly knocks out the leader and AL knocks one Bugbear through a wall while the other was killed by a lot of magic missile's.
>They bring the leader to in order to interrogate him about things.
>They weren’t entirely clear on why they had just done all of this, just that these guys had been dicks to them a bit.
>Leader Guy divulges information on the BBEG of the campaign, the Spider King or some shit.
>Tells the party that he was the one who kidnapped dwarf dude.
>OhYeahHim.exe
>Quickly uses magic to teleport out of there while the party is digesting the new information.
>Rogue quickly picks up his trail and the Wizard uses fabulous and mysterious magic to track him down to the town.
>Que revenge trip for him escaping, not that they weren’t gonna kill him anyway.

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Part 5 3/3
Also only just remembered that The Wizard was a fucking Cleric the whole time, honestly. I only remembered because of what happens here.
>Party returns to town
>Town is freaking the fuck out because the streets are littered with corpses in various states of death. Burnt, caved in, arrowed, whatever magic missile does, the works.
>Town also sort of grateful to party for taking care of gang.
>AL’s wife tries to take him home, because she believes the other two party members are bad influences.
>Can’t really argue with that logic.
>Party tracks down Leader anyway. Rogue and Not-Wizard decide to punish him for escaping, guy tries to commit suicide to not have to deal with it.
>Not-Wizard uses Cleric powers to bring him back
>That got dark very quickly
>So the two of them proceed to torture and maim this guy for the high crime of trying to flee while half the town and AL looks on.
>Obviously they were firmly not welcome there after that, though there isn’t much they could do to stop them from coming in.

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Part 6
Won’t bother regaling you in depth what happened after that in the story as I’m tired, instead I’ll just go through some highlights.
>Party befriends a friendly Necromance.
>Party decides against attacking a cave full of orcs, a cave I put a lot of thought into thinking out the loot for.
>Party finds Dwarf dude in goblin castle kept by a Doppelganger, return him to the town, don’t even question if he himself was a Doppelganger.
>Party befriends Beholder and uses him to defeat the BBEG
>Party convinces Necromancer to help them negotiate with an ancient ghost, negotiations obviously break down.
>Cleric Wizard almost single handedly takes down a Young Green Dragon
>Party convinces Beholder to become sheriff of the town.
Welp that’s the story of my first time DM’ing. Hope you all enjoyed yourselves, I know I did reminiscing.

You forgot the time I murdered the entire town because they tried kicking us out, but we erased it from history.

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Oh, Al never left the town if anyone cares. He lived a peaceful life with the giant eyeball thing.