How would your party fare against the Blair Witch?

Not terribly well, you fuck.

>>49776462

Is it the ambiguous "prolly just lost innawoods with a rapist ghost" Blair Witch from 1, the edgy mindfuckery rituals of BoS, or the garbage impossibly powerful new one?

>mfw my street sam's cybereyes mean it couldn't kill me if I see it with my non-meat cyberware

Fine, considering in the first movie the witch wasn't real and it was just a ploy to murder the girl by the two guys.

>>49776900
Wait, what in the glorious fuck wat?
Is this substantiated in some way?

>>49776748
I haven't seen the second one, how bad is it?

>>49776925
Paying attention to the movie closely makes it incredibly obvious.

>>49776927
It controls time.

>>49776927

Why not ask the whirling cesspool of screaming monkeys on /tv/?

It's a big freak fest, starts off pretty good, has some mind fuckery and time shit happening in it, you kinda see the Witch, it explains way more lore, and that means it loses all the ambiguity of that one first movie. The first one isn't a masterpiece, but this one still opts out of its atmosphere to deliver exactly what you would expect of a found footage horror movie in 2016. Also Valorie Curry is in it and she is a nobody actress who is super hot and pretty good in it. I would say 6/10

>>49777013
>>49777025
And this is the new one, right?

That actually sounds extremely meh. Oh well.

>>49777042

It is extremely meh. But it's got some fun stuff. A person gets snapped in half, there's some cringy body horror shit midway through, and there's some neat little scares here and there. A shit load of fake-out jump scares though which made me want to chew my arm off.

>>49776462
Can you explain what it can do to somebody who can't be arsed to watch the movie?

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Pretty well since our pretty badass priest at our back.

>>49777068

Ummm

>if you spend the night in the woods the Witch curses you
>Can't leave the woods
>presumed eternal night
>wounds will definitely get infected and might also have things growing in them
>time moves weird and different
>electronics shut down or work wrong
>If you leave each other's sight for even a moment you lose the party
>if you look at the witch she kills you
>she will hunt you down on your own
>or you'll be lost for days or weeks before finding your crew again (time fuckery can also happen here)
>Witch imitates the voices of people you know
>Also creates spooky voodoo-doll type wood sculptures that break you if you break them
>Also teleporting and shit
>She is also presumably a ghost witch so she can't be killed by conventional weapons (don't know for sure, none of the idiots ever get that far)

>>49776960
Are you subscribed to the Film Theorist?

>>49776462
She'd be dead before she got her second illusion off.

We're specialized witch/psyker hunters for the inquisition.

>>49777068
The Outlast 2 demo covers it pretty well.

>>49777025
You answered your own question.

>>49777295
???in what way?

>>49777258
She is already dead.

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>>49777342
Well in that case...

>>49776462
We have a cleric, a paladin, and magical weapons for the martials. We'll be fine.

Considering the party is a wizard, cleric, druid, paladin, and a fighter, pretty well actually. Sure, the fighter might die, but who cares about a knife-ear?

>>49777214
No. Shit is always on my recommended viewing though.

>>49776462
you mean two dude looking to rape/murder them.
and my guess is fairly well

>>49777175
our party fought and defeated a littoral death god. pretty sure the can handle spoopy ghost witch

>>49777986
What's a littoral death god?

>>49777329
The Outlast 2 demo is found footage of weird shit and just as you think you escape a corn field a witch chops your dick in two down the long end. It's basically the same idea - a Blair Witch encounter is a long spiral as characters go missing and then the last one dies as they learn someone vaguely important or might escape. It's the formula Blair Witch invented.

As a TTRPG event it would be the same way, an unstoppable force chases and isolates the players before they die one after another.

>>49778249
A death god located on the shore of a sea or lake. What are you, a fucking retard?

>>49778249

It's a death god that lives just off shore where sunlight can still reach the sea floor.

>>49778482
>>49778540
Get rekt'd, son

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>>49777342
My party can handle this.

>>49778768
Fucking nice.

>>49776900

No, no, no, that was the ending to The Last Broadcast. There's too much time and space fuckery for that to be what happened in Blair Witch Project. It also doesn't explain what happened to the guys.

>>49776900
What are the details of this theory?

>>49779054
Yeah, please do elaborate.

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>>49776462
Don't know if any of them would survive, but that's no different from any other Night at the Opera.

>>49776900
Would love to hear this theory too. It's been years since I watched the movie.

>>49776925
>Is this substantiated in some way?

While never outright confirmed (not even in a coded way), this *is* heavily implied. To give a nutshell version of the theory: One of the two boys has a romantic history with the girl and she broke it off. The other boy knows the girl only through the first boy. The most obviously supernatural happenings are not recorded, but only ever reported, and always by one of the two boys (sometimes in a remarkably non-chalant way given they're still in danger). When "the witch" first starts exerting her influence, it's in the form of the boys haranguing the girl for control of first the map and later the compass despite the girl's travel plan to get back to the car being perfectly reasonable. Both map and compass later go missing or become unreliable. The boys are constantly fighting the girl's sensible plans to return to civilization to strike off in random directions, again a supposed influence of "the witch" that only the boys suffer (the girl is clearly agitated and eventually cracks under stress, but never does anything blatantly irrational like the boys do - because they're not actually irrational, they're leading her to a trap). All stacked rocks and spooky witch symbols could easily be constructed at night by the boys, as the girl states she sleeps like a rock and wouldn't expect to hear any mysterious witch-y goings-on after falling asleep. In the film's climax, one boy goes into an abandoned house alone and vanishes. The other boy then enters with the girl, shouting what he does just before he does it. This is braindead if he genuinely believes he's being stalked by an evil witch, but perfectly sensible if you're trying to signal to an ally your (and your target's) current location so he'll be ready for the ambush.

Best part? You can sum this theory up with a paraphrasing of Ghostbusters. "You're right. No human being would stack rocks like this."

>>49779608
Time Dilation is a normal effect that can be easily accomplished by collage age boys of no particular talent. You just order some negative mass off amazon and boom, good to go.

>>49776462
After meeting wit our party, she'd have to change her name to Blair Bitch.

>>49779608
Why go through the effort. If they wanted to kill her why not just do it?

>>49779772
The thrill.

I dunno we got a paladin and a cleric and a wizard and a rogue and a ranger, all ~lvl 12. Think we're ok?

>>49778540
That was a smartass reply but that actually sounds kind of cool.

>>49779772
Serial killers typically have rituals. Alternately, so they could get away with it.

>>49779608
Neat!
I don't quite buy it, as I seem to dimly recall the characters following a stream only to find that they have arrived in the same spot they started at, but it's still a fun observation and the sort of alternate interpretation I enjoy.
Just like how Odysseus could have been literally making everything up from the time he left Troy to the time he gets back to Greece.

>>49776748

There's no witch, the woods are cursed.

>>49776462
35 million dollars on a 5 million dollar budget it pretty tough. We're either going to have to find an actual Blair Witch (which is what we usually do), but it's probably easier to see if MTV wants to do a Jackass reboot.

Blair Witch 2 did 47 million dollars somehow though, fuck that. They must have made a pact with the devil and the party hates doing that.

>>49777342
> I shall resurrect her...and then torture her!

>>49780178
You monster.

>>49779733
My wife is Dutch and she says she used to do arts and crafts type stuff with her family all the time and she said that was normal for someone growing up in the Netherlands but somehow I think my son might be too young. Tell me /tg/, how old is a collage age boy?

>>49780178
Redeemed the thread right there

My play group is typically an entire party of Henderson and 40k fans.
Noone is unarmed, that house is getting burned down, the Witch is getting shot, and the woods are most likely getting burned.

Dimensional fuckery? The dimension will be promptly burnt the fuck down.

Witch can't die? We'll spend as long as it takes to disprove that shit.

Those teenagers were unarmed pussys.

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>>49779901
They wouldn't though.
They've already made it obvious that they're going into the woods to film the movie. They destroy any possible alibi by shooting film of themselves. Even if they come home they're still be wanted fugitives the second the police turn up one body in an easily identifiable landmark middle of the woods.
And most importantly, nobody believes in witches!

>>49781273

What about genestealers raping you with their tiny barbed dicks in the night

>>49781273
I love seeing an American get all fired up. Hopefully you shoot eachother.

>>49781382
>>49781401
Wow, you guys don't like that dude.

>>49776462
THE MIGHT OF THE LORD GIVES ME PROTECTION FROM THE SORCERIES AND CURSES OF ANY WITCH OR OTHER FOUL CREATURE

>>49781592
Which lord (

>>49781401
Trump for prez

The last PC I built was the heir to a tome of magic granted at the start of WWII to her grandmother by Baba Yaga. The old hag likes to check in on the family every now and again to fuck about and be enigmatic.

She's highly resistant to supernatural fuckery and has a tome that contains a staggering about of supernatural lore. Could go alright, could go badly depending on exactly what powers the writer gave the Blair Witch this movie.

If Baba Yaga decides to have one of her shits and giggles arrivals and the Blair Witch tries to fuck with her...I don't think the Blair Witch will be happy. Baba Yaga doesn't get involved with heroes or villains much but she doesn't take challenges to her power well.

>>49779608
>>49776900
That doesn't make sense.

Why would they go to such lengths when all they had to do was hit her over the head with a rock on the first night?

How do you explain shit like the bloody ear wrapped up in cloth or the fact that they walked for a whole day and ended up where they started?

It's an interesting theory but it doesn't really hold weight.

>>49782305
Shh, they want to feel intellectually superior.

>>49782305
Quick disclaimer: just watched the relevant film theory video a little bit ago, and am still not completely convinced either. I'm just speaking in line with how I see theory.

Josh may have wanted her to suffer before her death. If they were ex-lovers, and he did really want to kill her, that's really not that far of a stretch.

I don't really remember the bloody ear in the movie, but in the film theory video he suggests the bloody teeth found at one point could have been planted by Josh and mike, the same maybe could be said about the ear.

The ending up where they started shit could have been careful map fuckery by Mike and josh, since they were controlling that shit at some points. Maybe.

I have other criticisms of the theory unrelated to those points that make me think the murder theory either isn't the case.

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>>49776462
Something something Technician
Something something what forest
Something something THIRD IMPACT

>>49779983
I am amused

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>>49776462
Depends on which one.