Mages Guild: Familiars on Strike Edition

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What's this about familiars going on strike?

Mine's perfectly happy!

>>49505269
Goddamnit, my familiar is calling meetings again. How many times do I have to tell you, Antruthius, you're not an "Archwizard"!

>>49505269
Familiars? Say, does my cat count? She is always a little rude.

>>49505289
Maybe you treat yours better, than our bigwig described?

Have you considered collars?

>>49505311
Oh, yeah, I probably do.

Do you have one?

>>49505335
Why would familiars need collars? They're magically linked to us!

>>49505346
I wouldn't know. No one in my department uses familiars. No real use for them.

>>49505346
>Holds up an small angry catgirl.
Just her. Picked up, during that invasion back then. I don´t really know if she counts as one.

>>49505269
When the dwarves went on strike, we threw money at them until they were satisfied. When the baker's union went on strike, we threw money at them until they were satisfied. When the tentacle demons' union went on strike, we threw money at them from really high buildings until they were dead.

Can't we just cut them a check?

>>49505372
Did you use a ritual to make her your familiar?

Also, she seems upset. Like she wants to murder you then bathe in your entrails.

>>49505364
Really? I guess that makes sense.

>>49505382
Tentacle demons' union? What's that?
>Cocks her head
>Is a 13 year old girl

>>49505405
A union. For demons. With tentacles.
>Doesn't see what's so hard to understand about this.

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Eh? the Familiars are rebelling?
>She pulls out a book and flips through it
Nope, mine is still unaware they serve me--uhm, Burn burn asshole comment laugh laugh?
>>49505405
Its the best place to go to find a lawyer. They are the best at finding holes in things.
>>49505382
What would familiars do with money? Just take all theirs and double up on the geas's
>>49505346
Cause its kinky?
>>49505405
Also, That's kinda just par for the course for those people.

>>49505405
...
She looks like usual then? Didn´t have a ritual either...
>Shrinks the scratches on her arm.
I need to know her better first. What did that nekomancer say was her name? Irio, I think.
>Mumbles to herself, while being scratched on the face.

>>49505419
But why do they have a union?

>>49505452
Maybe you should talk to her?

>>49505442
Kinky?

>>49505459
Some people like it some people don't. Those that like it can't explain why but they do.
>Probably the most tactful you could have expected her to be in this situation

>>49505459
Same reason we have a guild. Bringing like-minded things together.

>>49505468
nice to see you spoods

But.. i don't have a familiar
>Sad airhorn music

>>49505459
>Turns to look at her cat, which is still scratching her.
Hello? How are...
>Irio stops to glare at her, before meowing.

I think, I´d practice that later... Gonna research about that ritual in the meantime.
>Pulls out her oozemancy book and starts reading.

>>49505468
>Waves at you.
So, since you explained it, you don´t like it?

>>49505468
Oh, okay.

I guess.

>Is 13
>Has yet to lose her innocence

>>49505503
I guess that makes sense.

>>49505513
Collars don't have to go on familiars, they can go on lots of things.
>>49505518
I wouldn't say that.
>>49505519
Really that's as much as you need to know on the subject.

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>>49505269
Have you people not tried petting, rubbing, feeding, praising, and generally just being nice to your Familiar's? I hear the "Guild for Nomadic Pets" does the same thing, and it works bloody winders on them! They haven't had a strike in ninty-seven years!

>>49505541
Alright.

>>49505518
I'm sure you'll understand her eventually.

>>49505543
I do all that to my familiar! She's happy!

>>49505543
That's...Not pg 13 at all man. Whats next, holding their hand? Whispering things in their ears?

>>49505468
>>49505541
Are you sure you're not a Fetishzard?

>>49505556
And that my dear, is why your familiar isn't on strike!

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>>49505580
Those were banned like three hundred years ago for good reason. Nobody should have someone else's fetish forced on them!

>>49505577
>He gives her a silent, yet questioning look for a few moments before speaking.

... Are you absolutely, 100%, blow a planet upilly sure, you're Not a Fetishzard?

>>49505580
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
>Pets her familiar
>[Content pangolin noises]

>>49505594
You're still not saying no....

>>49505602
OH OH! HE SAID BLOW A PLANET UP YOU ALL HEARD HIM!
>Distant explosion
Wait what were we talking about?

>>49505614
You don't live as long as I have without developing some complexes.

>>49505541
Okaaay.
>Decides to wisely drop the matter now.

>>49505556
Thanks! I´ll try my best.
>Actually said that to the nekomancers back then too.
Well, I´ll go keep that promise now...

>Shrinks the scratch wounds on her face down and puts the catgirl on her shoulder.
Time for buddy exercises!
>Grins before rushing of to the archive to fetch a few books.

>>49505612
See everyone! This is how you prevent your Familiar from going on strike! You treat it like a partner! Not something you shove into a metal ball for weeks at a time before using it!

>>49505615
>He's silent for a LOOOOOONG moment.

What in the nine hells is wrong with you....

>>49505615
Fantastic.
We had gone so long without another lawsuit.

>>49505656
The complexes I mentioned among other things.
>>49505662
I know, it was terrible.

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Gods above, what are we doing with a meeting this early?

>>49505631
Have fun!

>>49505656
I think Oozemancers do that with some of their oozes...

>Continues petting her pangolin

>>49505662
PFFFT! Thirty-seven minutes does not count as a long time buddy!

>>49505669
It was supposed to be yesterday I think.
Looks like the chronomancers have shifted us all forward again.

>>49505656
I let my familiar roam around as much as it wants.

>>49505667
>>49505615
I say. Would you mind assisting my department with a research experiment? We've been lacking the... Firepower to test something.

For some reason, most of us specialize in ice, so we don't have a lot of pyromancy to go around.

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>>49505699
*Fire*power is something I can do, though you could just ask any number of pyromancers to assist you, What are you doing anyway?

>>49505667
And yet you STILL FUCKING DID IT!!!

>>49505669
Familiars on strike. A new lawsuit in bound. And to top it all off, weird pyromancer fetishes.

>He raises a questioning brow.

Anymore questions?

>>49505708
No I mean, the lack of lawsuits was terrible. Not the blowing up the planet thing.
Does it make you feel better if I tell you it was only populated by animals?

>Leaves his studies and walks down the stairs to the other´s.
Familiar´s on strike? That can´t mean well...

Say, has anyone here seen my stormcloud Susie? Haven´t seen her since this morning.

>>49505706
Where did your clothes go when you turned into fire?

>>49505669
I dunno, I wasn't even supposed to be here, I was just in here when it started.

>>49505706
>He'd place a stick topped with about a full dozen marshmallows over her head.

Hold still for a moment.... I want to get these JUUUUUST right...

>>49505730
Not in the slightest...

>>49505733
Probably outside with 97.684% of the other Familiars. Where else...

>>49505733
Check the roof. We're lucky it hasn't rained yet.

>>49505706
We're trying to pack as many spell effects as possible into a small container that can be launched at an enemy. A kind of "Magic Missile" if you will. So far we've got ice, lightning, water, poison, all sorts of nasty things. But we need a WHOOOOOOOOOLE lot of fire to create an explosion big enough to transfer the effects over a wide radius.

>>49505688
Again?

>>49505708
So, business as usual then. Got it.

>>49505735
I see.

>>49505758
Have you tried the "Explodomancers"? They usually have that sort of stuff in droves.

>>49505735
Short answer, The cool but pointless metal bits and stockings and stuff
Long answer, Like polymorph absorbs your equipment into you with magic, so does transforming unless you're really bad at it.
>>49505736
>The stick is on fire, so are the marshmallows and possibly your hand
>>49505752
Good, they were assholes anyway.
>>49505758
Theres an explosionomancer around somewhere, but I can probably handle that. Have you considered applying Locate City?
Oh wait that's a warcrime, Uhh...how much room do you have for the core?

>Walks in
>First thing he hears is exploding planets and Fetishes
I see were already off to an interesting start.

>>49505771
If you consider complete and utter stupidity that we here at the Mages guild deal with on a minutely as "business", than yes. Yes indeed...

>>49505752
>Sees his stormcloud outside.
Oh. You´re right. Did I priorize my studies to much?

>>49505753
>Has found her and goes to the roof anyway.
Well, she isn´t responding, unfortunally.

>>49505778
Oh, right.

That makes sense!

>>49505771
Also, apparently familiars are rebelling.

But mine isn't!
>Holds up her pangolin

>>49505785
Yeah! Hi! Who are you?

>>49505771
Again.
Somehow what little faith I had in them to begin with is waining even further.
>>49505785
Same as allways.

>>49505776
They're a tad temperamental.

>>49505778
50 square centimeters.

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Ugh, leave it to the rookies to completely derail a guild meeting!

>>49505543
That sounds like a whole lot of work. Can't we just create some kind of spell that makes them happy again?
In fact, leave your familiars with me, by the time I'm done with them they'll never think of rebelling again!

>>49505778
>He'd regulate the temperature of both the stick, the marshmallows, and his hands to keep them from burning.

Gods above, I love being an Elemental Eldritch Knight!

And quit being such a "Hot head". I'm gonna share with everyone!

>As he says this, he pulls out a bag of crackers, and a few bars of chocolate.

>>49505820
If I ever had a Familiar, I damn well wouldn't leave them with you!

And NO you can't just tamper with someones feelings like that!

>>49505793
If you have to even ask that question, than you probably did.

>>49505806
Of course they're "temperamental"! They blow things up for fun!

>>49505795
Simply put I'm one of the more reclusive instructors of the necromancy department young one.
>>49505799
Same as always then I suppose, it usually takes a bit longer to get to the part when other planets start exploding though I must say.

>>49505850
Well, studying the weather is important!
>Spreads his equipment across the roof.
Now is also a good time for it. Wanted to check the weather conditions of this place for quite a while.

>Ignores the bird familiars flying above him.

>>49505859
The fact that you have "Faith", in any of the departments here is quite astounding to say the least. I gave up that months ago!

>>49505806
>Pulls out a few glasses and with some blowing and manual shaping creates a 50 square cm container full of a volatile looking red liquid
Just add magic. Or air. Or touch it. Or jostle it too hard. Anything really
>>49505820
Its tradition for guild meetings to quickly derail.
That said, mind control makes them less useful at pointing out faults in your spells, which is one of their jobs, among other things.

>>49505859
Oh, I think Uncle V talked about you.

He says he had to pick up a bunch of your classes once?

>>49505892
I will take it!

Sebastian! Get this down to the lab!

>>49505888
Its quite mild.
>>49505889
Helps not being a department of the guild for one.

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i think i need to step away from /tg/ for a while

>>49505892
How about just a little bit of mind control though?

>>49505269
I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE ON ABOUT. MY FAMILIAR IS QUITE HAPPY WITH HIS NEW CLIMBING TREE.

ALSO, REMINDING EVERYONE OF THE POTLUCK AT THE PTA- WE HAD TOO MANY DESSERTS LAST TIME, AND COULD USE MORE VEGETABLES!

THUS SPEAKS ZONTAR! HEAR, AND OBEY!

>>49505789
It's just technicalities at this point.

>>49505795
Well it's good that it's not.

>>49505799
Yeah, well your problem was that you had faith to begin with.

>>49505892
That is true...

>He'd finally pull the stick away, before quickly placing a marshmallow, and a few pieces of chocolate between two sets of gram crackers.
>He'd do this for each of the marshmallows, before replacing them onto a tray next to some drinks.

And there we go! Was that such a big deal Incindia? There was absolutely no reason to shoot out all that "Hot air" earlier!

>>49505923
Its supposed to be silly. Just invent a character and join in.

>>49505932
Perfectly acceptable.

>Shoos away several bird familiars pecking at his equipment.
Hey! Who do they belong to? They´re in my way!

>>49505917
It appears to be mild, yes. But it´s the weather near this guild, so there must be something about it, that can be studied.
>Is probably now talking rubbish.

>>49505896
If your referring the the instructor I didn't teach him as he was here before me, due to an incident with portals and an idiot apprentice I found this place so I'm one of the newer instructors. Doesn't mean I'm not one of the more advanced teachers however
>>49505889
I'm a very optimistic person when it comes to believing in insane wizards.

>>49505941
I can't argue with that.
>>49505965
Good luck with that. Don't fall off the roof.

>>49505969
There's a difference between optimism and foolishness my undead friend.

>>49505937
See! This is another good example of how to treat your Familiar! Give them gifts and treats!

Also, about next week's potluck. Remember to put on the handout sheet that people can't bring anything with Broka-roots, or Deku worms in it. You know, since Ms. Altia from the elemental department is deathly allergic to those.

Also, would you like a smore and a beverage?

>>49505941
Yeah.

I don't know what I'd do if she betrayed me.

>>49505969
Wait, you're new?

Huh, must've been a different archlich he had to take over classes for.

SQUAK! Hey you buttheads! We had booked the meeting hall for our own use at noon! Get lost! SQUAK!

>>49505993
Also, nothing with Cocaine in it.... we're trying to wean the archmage off it over the course of the next millennium.

>emerges from his quarters
>cask of mead under an arm
>grumbles at everything
>starts running some tests on chunks of strange metals

>>49506001
We are discussing arcane matters of the utmost urgency, come back in an hour maybe.

>>49505993
No Deku worms!? Then how am I supposed to make my nan's famous stew?

>>49506016
And now this? Seriously do you have something against my stew?

>>49505984
Trust me, I make sure to have a plan when they usually fail or don't show up. Luckily someone else with a brain on their head normally comes along and keeps the place from being destroyed from existence.
>>49505996
Most likely, it doesn't help that skeletons all look the same once the flesh is gone. Heres a tip young one since you seem new, don't trust any of the senior student necromancers as they've been trying to get live specimens lately.

>>49506038
Hey, it's not my fault that Ms. Altia is allergic to Deku worms! I enjoy them as a delicacy!

As for the whole "No Cocaine" thing, as long as I know in advance that it has Cocaine in it, I don't care, I'll just avoid it. But that rule was instigated by the Archwizard's health care providers. They say if he doesn't quit within the next 1200 years, nothing he, or anyone does will keep him alive.

>>49506042
Oh, I'm not that new.

I'm already used to everyone around me trying to kill me.

>>49506089
I didn't know the Archwizard had healthcare providers. Or that he could die.

>>49506001
AWWW... does Paully want a smore?

>>49506035
Well that's less unusual than normal...

>>49506042
>takes a drink
Bloody necromancers...

>puts on darkened goggles and begins a welding experiment

>>49506098
They say his addiction to cocaine is one of the only things that CAN kill him! The other two I'm not sure about...

And you don't live as long at the Arch-wizard has without having people to help look after you and your cocaine addiction.

>>49506098
Thats good to know, you'll make a great wizard one day if you survive this place.
>>49506089
Cocain is a hell of a drug if its capable of killing him. Good thing I've never tried any of it.

>>49506102
Hey, what do you mean by that!?

>Harrumphs

>>49506123
I thought he just scared death enough that it didn't bother.

>>49506136
Thanks! I think I might want a castle some day. Just a small one. Maybe.

>>49506123
He should try finding a more permenent solution.
Immortalilty is pretty rad.

>Continues to study the weather on the roof.
Why is there nothing unusual? That´s not how it is supposed to be!

>>49506123
You know, a cocaine addiction would explain why he loves my nan's stew so much, he always asked me to bring some when I came over for dinner, and I had a lot of dinners at his place.

Now that I think about it he hasn't asked me over for a while.. Curious..
How long did you say he has been trying to get over it?

Mine broke their strike after the first week when I summoned some scabs to take over

>>49506161
>Looks up from welding
What is it you are looking for, precisely? Unusual being the norm at this institution...

>>49506189
I´m just trying to study the weather around here!
>Sounds as if he is close to dispairing.
And it´s... normal! It´s just NORMAL weather!!!

>>49506184
Oh, he actually doesn't know that the guild is very slowly weaning him off his addiction.

Also, if anybody tells him, their entire department will lose all funding for the next thirty-one years.

>>49506146
They say his addiction is preventing any chance of imortality

>>49506136
I agree. It's a hellava drug.

>>49506145
Deaths not scared of him. He's just trying to avoid all the cocaine.

>>49506209
I think the place has a barrier that keeps the bad weather out. Have you asked the school faculty to shut it off?

>>49506215
That... Doesn't make much sense.

Well, I think I'm gonna go feed my familiar so she doesn't want to rebel, bye!
>Leaves

>>49506209
>sighs
I could summon a blizzard or a thunderstorm, but I suppose you're wanting natural weather patterns?

>>49506227
No, I didn´t. I didn´t even know we had a barrier here.
>Throws his research material to the ground.
I will be asking them later, for now I just stop with my current material.
>Walks back to his room, sulking.

>>49506291
Well yes, if the weather patterns aren´t natural there is no point in studying how they come to be.

>>49506310
Does your research have to be done here? I am planning to make a trip to the hill country, as there are metals I'm searching for. The weather is unpredictable out there, so you may accompany me if you wish.

>>49506348
Do they have a mages guild or other places with much natural magic? Then yes, I could and would acompany you.

But, I assume we have to get there by foot or the portals?

>>49506375
Forgot my trip, also gonna be cooking eggs for a few minutes.

I just wanted to step in and remind everybody of upside of devilish familiars!
A free refresher seminar on this topic will be held this evening at the crossroads just north of town!
And for the impatient we have enough contracts on hand, just grab a knife and pen and sign on the dotted line!

>>49506375
It's only about a day's ride from here. Faster if you ride a cloud. But no, no comfortable guild hall. Only wilderness.

no worries, I'm gonna be watching the new Text to Speech

Excuse me... is this the Mage Guild? I was directed here by the locals, and I was hoping to join.

>>49506459
You have come to the right place. I have no idea where you have to sign up, most folks just kinda appear and don't leave.

Can I interest you in following my classes on ancient magic? I don't get a lot of students.

>>49506632
That sounds interesting, though I do believe I'll take a look around first before I make any decisions. What's this commotion about familiars then?

I... CAAAAST... FIIIIIISSSST !!!!

>>49506740
I am happy to see users of such honest power here.

>>49506740
For the last time, a Hireling is no Familiar and if you kill yet another pimple-faced 16 year old with 'FIIIIIISSSST' another plea of being a 'Wild Mage' won't get you off the hook again!

>>49506740
You're a fucking doppelganger

>>49506740
>>49506897
By the gods! How can we possibly tell the real from the fake? Quick! Someone ask them something only the real would know!

>>49506897
Thats a Mirror...

>>49506774
With such mystic arcane muscles one has to be honest !

>>49506834
Woh there fellow caster ! I think you have me confused with that "Violemancer" guy whom also casted fist but on the that poor lad.
Worry not, he should be on his way from the Healers Guild right now.

>>49506932
How many breads have you eaten in your life?

>>49506970
NO DON'T ASK THAT.
HE'LL NEVER SHUT UP.

>>49506941
BEGONE FOUL IMPOSTER ! [Mentallo vibrates his muscles with such force, speed and magic to shatter the "Mirror of Reflection"]

>>49507060
Okay, okay, I'm going, just a joke, don't be angry.

>>49506970
>>49506994
Haha ! That is a trick question! The only answer you need is this [Mentallo flexes and sends sparks of magic from his pecs]

>>49507088
No, i am not!
My Lord will hear of your insolence!

>>49507088

I am shocked! And just as I was about to tell you my story about bread!

>>49507109
>thoughtfully picks up a vial of liquid metal
I wonder...

Let me ask you something, muscle wizard. What are your aims? What mark would you make on this world? Whom do you serve?

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>he gets his magic by studying
>his great granpappy never fucked a dragon and now has it's magical blood in his veins

kek

>>49507493
Dragons are the most racist things in existance.
They'd tear you to shreads just for existing.

>>49507493
Ugh, sorcerers, no respect for hard work.
Yes, yes, your whole 10 spells are very impressive, but we're trying to work here.

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>>49507319
Well of course I serve the people ! They need the spectacle of an arcane strong man to provide hope that one day they too can become strong, fit and knowledgeable in the arcane muscle arts as me with enough dedication, exorcises and protein potions !
And it's fun to use said muscles to cast fist on Eldritch evil and general evil weaklings !

>>49507493
Do you really are special just because your granny got DRAGONED ?

Get a grip, your aren't special, your ancestors just where to stupid to keep it secret.

>>49507522
I have seen that happen.
I am not the biggest fan of dragons honestly.

>>49508034
Well fortunatly their vanity keeps them high on the mountains and in silly dungeons filled with treasure.

>>49508172
... And painfully oblivious to potent neurotoxins

>>49508467
Oh cmon now Marus. Wheres the honour in killing them unaware?

>>49508558
Do you need honour when you have that much gold?

>>49509421
I suppose dragon stashes are worth the trouble.
Where do they get all that gold from anyway?

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>a shy, rapid tapping on the dpor would be heard, before it woul slowly creek open
"E-excuse me, a-am I in the right place? They said this is the mages guild? I-i am Calcium, Wizard of hypnotic music, specailizing in the field of Serenity..."

>>49509467
Hey Bonsey.
The Admin office is down the corridor and to the left.
Make sure to sign up.

>Walks in and makes a crystallized ooze chair and starts reading a book

>>49509536
Hey Glug. How are the students?

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Wizards suck. Go back to reading your books, nerds.

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>>49509602
I've got them squared away.
>>49509616
. . .You know that this is a guild for casters of all variations, right?

>>49509666
Except Druids.
Pathetic cretins.

>>49509536
>Is reading her oozemancy book herself nearby, before looking up and waving at you.
Hi. Haven´t seen you in a while.
>Shows you a wide grin.

>>49509509
>He'd look a bit tense
"Yes sir...right away sir...where do I go after I sign up?"
>he'd take out an abnormally sized smoking pipe
"Is it okay if I...?"

>>49509713
Hang around and use the resorces available to you.
Also its fine to smoke. People do crazier things in here.

>>49509700
Right.
>>49509703
Hey!
I've been trying to contact you.
Classes started about... two months ago.
Do you still want to take classes?
>>49509713
You should, the Archmage does cocaine in here.

>>49509745
They started... already!?!
>Looks visibly alarmed and starts to stutter out apologies.
Y-yes! I still want to go! Sorry, that I wasn´t there. I´m sorry!

>>49509769
How has the king been treating you all?
Is your messiah still around?
>>49509777
Yep. Sorry, I started then much earlier than everyone else it seems so that must have been why you haven't heard about it.
Would you like some one on one to get caught up with what I've taught in class?

>>49509739
>>49509745
>>49509769
"Thank you sirs..."
>he'd light the pipe and an intoxicating, aromatic smell would fill the room
>His eyes would go from ruby red to lapis blue
"Far out, man...-I mean sirs. I will go fill out the papers now"
>he'd silently leave the room

>>49509794
>Nods frantically.
I promise, I won´t miss anymore of it!

>>49509878
Good. To tell the truth you haven't missed much.
And I'll be able to teach you easier than I would have at the beginning of classes.
Because there are now thirty less students in the class.

>>49509923
Thirty less students?
>Grows a few inches in shock and drops the books she was reading.
Glug! What did you do?

Only have 20 minutes left for today.

>>49509989
I found other subjects for them to learn because they were not suitable students for Oozemancy.
Trust me, your class is far better off without them.

>>49510036
>Assumed the worst for a moment.
Oh, that sounds good, actually. I hope they manage to get ahead in their new subjects.
>Smiles nervously.

>He would return
"S-so...what...what should I do?"
>his eyes returned to ruby red

>>49510183
Yeah.
So, I think one of my T.A.s are free and in the class...
If you want you can go and see if he can help get you caught up.
>>49510188
I dunno. What do you want to do? Do you want a job of some sort?

>>49510297
Hm... we don't have much in the way of a music department. Bardic colleges usually take all that magical talent.
Maybe the alchemy department?

>>49510283
"Well...if anything music related is needed...."
>he'd wait for a second or two
"Also drugs, I am in ample supply of any drugs, or, eh, "potions", needed"

>>49510236
>>49510283
>Nods, grinning up at you again, before hastily putting books on oozemancy and familiar rituals in her bag, from where angry meowing and neighing can be heard.
Thanks Glug, I really owe you one! See you soon, then?
>Rushes off towards the oozemancy department.

Going to be my last post for today. Good Night.

>>49510361

>>49510336
"Alchemy. Right"
>he'd stare at the man for a second still
"You wouldn't happen to need any..."potions", or music, would you?

>>49510361
Yes, goodbye.
>He waves and chuckles
>>49510390
Hm... I have a brother that may be interested.
What drugs do you have?

>>49510483
Need is a strong word.
Hm... what's that one?
>Points to an herb

>>49510427
>he'd open up his cloak, showing an assortiman of different powders, potions, herbal mixes, fungi and even animals attached to his inner cloak...and ribcage
"What does your brother need?"

>>49510508
"That is the Hemp Goblin Hand Puppet...it...increases-how you say-potency? And gives the user a mellow, ecstatic feeling

>>49510600
How much?

>>49510710
"H-how much? Oh...b-but you're my senior! Please- it's on the house"
>he'd hand him the herbs

>>49510779
Really? Thanks.
>He puts it away
Now if you need anything ooze related just ask me.
Or if you need to be able to contact an adventurers' guild.

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>warps into his seat and extinguishes the flame on top of his hat
>frantically pulls out a mass of pocket watches and peers at them
"Sorry I'm late...early? Don't care. YOU IDIOTS GAVE YOUR FAMILIARS FREE-WILL!?"

>>49510867
What's this about familiars?

>>49510825
>>49510867
"He seems like could use some drugs and serene music."
>he'd pull out his abnormally sized pipe again
"Stress is bad for health"
>he'd take a deep breath

>>49510882
At some point they don't seem to be willfully working for their masters. I wouldn't know though, mine can't think for themselves.
>>49510925
I handle my madness quite well, thank you.
>eye twitches
I seem to have developed a spasm.
mimi wouldn't let me post

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>>49503916
Usernames aren't tripcodes, dumbass.

>>49511075
It was a mistake, Several of us have made it before. Since it stores the username across threads if you refresh.

>>49505669
The awkward timing makes it easier to push unpopular agendas.

>>49511129
I understand that, but get the terminology right.
>>49503936
>name !trip

>>49511233
Ah, My mistake. I didn't bother to check that thread.

Aha! I knew that one day all that familer slavery would come back to bite you shitty wizards!

SEE WHAT NOT BEING ONE WITH NATURE HAS BROUGHT YOU.

>Tries to free the plants from the planters.
YOU ARE ALL FREE NOW!

>>49512644
>Looks up from a book he was reading
What do you think you are doing?

>>49512673
Freeing these innocent plants from the eternal torment you fiends have placed them in!
Plant pots are an evil way to keep a plant.
You freaks sicken me.

>>49512695
Come on~
We're not that bad!
Especially since I am sure that the Biomancy Department makes sure that some species of plants and animals don't go extinct.
And I doubt those plants are in torment.

>>49505269
Finally got the coffee ready for everyone. Hope I didn't miss much

>>49512695
Fool! You cannot hear their screams like I can!
I have waited in that closet for months waiting to plan this escape attempt.
>He raises his hands in the air and begins chanting.
>Plants walk out of their containers and start walking out by their roots.

>>49512768
Thank you Mortimer.
It has been a slow day.
Have any familers? They are on strike I've been told.

>>49512790
If anything important happened it missed me.
But I'll take a cup of joe if you will.
>>49512791
>Claps with a grin
Congratulations on coming out of the closet then!
And can you clean up the dirt that's tracked across the floor by the plants?

>>49512823
No I do not. Why are they on strike?

>>49512863
Apparently the work hours were too painful.

>>49512863
>>49512900
Wait, what's going on?

>>49512900
Their ones to talk

>>49512907
Archwizard says the Familiars are on strike due to poor work hours.
I don't have one so I wouldn't know.
>>49512939
Im sure if you and the Janitors got together you could get some benifits.

>>49512957
I don't need any benefits. After all, I am the Dutiful Assistant

>>49512838
Pah! Nature must be left untamed and free.
Let it cover the floor as the land once did!

>>49512957
Huh.
My familiar's at the fighters' guild right now supposedly teaching my brother slime dimension style.
>He chuckles
>>49512993
But it didn't?

>>49513009
Im guessing this was a localized upstart.
Unless they've gotten smart enough to call everyone in the Realm, you should be fine.
>>49512978
And we're very greatful for your work.
Thanks again Mortimer.
Could I ask a favour? Next time you do the brewing could you make a pot of tea as well?

>>49513057
I better be.
He's basically my son since I created him.
I don't need a rebellious phase from the little guy.

>>49513057
I do make also make a pot of tea. I just don't mention it because most people prefer coffee

>>49513103
It would appear that the familiers who seem more like family than slaves to masters.
Obsidia's familier wouldn't leave her side for example.
>>49513138
Oh fantastic. Damn you're good.

>>49513153
I see.
So, you don't have a familiar?

>>49513194
No. I've never considered a need for one.
I can usually just give orders to the corps if I need somthing done.

>>49513266
Makes sense.
I see the main use of my familiar to be another medium in which to cast my magic.

>>49513290
So who is your familer?
I take it they look a bit like you and not like a traditional Ooze?

>>49513393
Nope.
It looks like a little ball of ooze with little nubs for arms and legs.

>>49513411
Huh, Cute.

>>49513432
Yep.
His name is Goops.
I wonder what he's up to.

>>49513469
Thats actually adorable.
So does he have free will?
Most familiers around here don't seem too.

>>49513517
Yep.
And he has functioning intelligence unlike most oozes.

This is what you get for relying on familiars.

Right then, It would seem I've arrived a little late this year. All those looking to vastly increase their arcane power in a short period of time, and or to learn secret information not intended for mortal minds, please form a neat and orderly single file line in the central courtyard. We'll have you all signed and sealed by the end of the night.

Anyone who is currently enpacted and is facing troubles with your bonded familiar, please refer to Article VII, Subsection A. Your familiar is entitled to one prime material week's vacation every twenty-thousand years. They'll be back this time next monday.

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If I kill the dark ruler of Barovia, strahd, then can I cast Gate since the demiplane's ruler is out of commission for a few months?

I want to open a gateway to the plane of positive energy right on top of castle ravenloft.

>>49513535
That must be one of your greatest works.
Creating a sentient Ooze!
I've seen natural ones, Like the one that turned up a few meetings ago.
>>49513559
Well that explains some but not all of the strike.

>>49513540
>>49513559
>Shrugs
My familiar is free to do as he pleases.
>>49513594
Sounds interesting.
Though I don't know the places or people you're talking about.
>>49513625
Pfft, as if.
I'm made much more powerful oozes that are intelligent.

>>49513651
I've never met them.
Do any of them teach?

>>49513683
Of course not. One's an archfiend ooze, one's a demon lord, one's an archfey, and one's an angel though I believe that one has since been destroyed.
Each of them took a decade to create.

>>49513744
Thats impressive.
How was the angelic ooze destroyed?

>>49513772
Hells if I know.
>He shrugs

>>49513772
Executed for Trespassing, if I'm to believe management.

>>49513794
I know it got kicked out of the heavens because the other angels didn't like it, but did it trespass somewhere?

>>49513827
Had they ever seen an angel made of ooze before?

>>49513827
Your first guess
>>49513782
was correct.

>>49513860
Nope, because it was the first one in existence.
To tell the truth that one only took an entire year to make though.
>>49513864
Gods dammit.
How'd it get to the Nine Hells?

Good news everyone! I finally found that horde of ravenous wights the former head of the Necromancer department said he'd some day unleash upon the lands, before those crusaders destroyed his phylactery.

We'll be holding a memorial service for Arch Professor Undragoth Killroy on the quad, at the strike of middle of night, where everyone in the Necromancy Department will say a few words about the good Arch Professor before we unleash his horde of ravenous wights upon the lab in his honor.

Don't forget to wear your dark robes of ill-content, your sacrificial knives of virgin slaying, and join us on the quad, gathered around the Altar of Kuresh! Really, we just want to make sure the whole memorial service lives up to old poor, un-undead Killroy's standards.

There will be punch and pie.

>>49513900
Below my paygrade to know, department head.

>>49513919
. . .Does Lazarus know about this?
>>49513938
Huh.
Damn.
He probably got sent there by some dickhead magic casters.

>>49513951
What could an ooze have done to offend anyone?

>>49513919

Whoops, forgot t remove my Shroud of Anonymity!

>>49513951

If he didn't before, he does now! Should I put you down as attending?

Will you be bringing a +1? If so, are they a virgin?

If so, make sure they wear the green wristband, so that they don't get mistaken for the sacrifice.

Lol scrubs, 1v1 me all of yall

>>49513994
Back to the foul depths of the Abyss with you.
>>>/v/

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>>49513984
Exist.
>He shrugs
>>49513988
Shouldn't you, you know, run it by the Head of Necromancy before making plans?
>>49513994
Sounds like a challenge I will gladly accept!
>Stands and tosses his book before posing

>>49514012
Oh no.

I love this board

>>49513994

We're wizards though. Don't we have fighters for all that dreadful physical combat?

>>49514012

I can hardly see how Lazarus could not approve. I mean, Killroy practically blooded all of us when he ran the department for all those centuries. His influence from his time on the Guild Board can still be felt through that ghoul that keeps breaking into the labs and eating the dead apprentices.

Also the Goatman that stalks the east campus, but I rather think that idea was actually poorly thought out, but far be it from me to speak ill of the soon to rise.

>>49514090
We love you too anon

>>49514024
Oh yes!
>Glug summons crystallized golden ooze armor with specks of white sprinkling the gloves and boots
>He also creates a golden whip speckled with white that has purple spikes on it
>>49514110
I wouldn't really know. I've only been with the guild for a couple years.

>>49514132
>Gasp!

>>49514132
Sir I'm going to have to ask you to simmer down. The interloper is gone and you're behaving in a way unbecoming of a spellcaster.

>>49514110
Please no, he ran the damn department into the ground.

>>49514132

Oh, right, you're that slime professor, right?

Well, I assure you that Arch Professor Killroy was quite the lich in his time, and though you may not have known him, he was famed for his open mind, his open heart, and his horde of ravenous wights that constantly threatened to unleash on the lands whenever he was displeased, inebriated, or bored.

>>49514218

You know not everyone agreed that converting the department into a subterranean lair was the best of ideas, but you must admit it made the corpse collecting the first years have to do much easier. Especially right after he did it.

Also, we were able to put the new, old, quad there, and the students especially are fond of it, except for when the Goatman escapes the East Wing.

>>49514159
Yes?
>>49514161
How so?
>>49514259
Sounds like a necromancer I know from the Adventurers' Guild.

>>49514259
He ate through the lock twice a week.

He's still eating through it every few months.

Besides, he converted it by having geomancers just solidify it then take out the dirt and stone underneath it! That was a terrible plan.

And besides, how often did the paychecks he signed not bounce the first time you tried cashing them?

Okay, sorry I'm late. My familiar is supposed to wake me up when there's a call for a meeting, and he's nowhere to be found. I had to walk all the way here from Doolies Pub near the castle, with a splitting headache. What's going on? And has anyone seen Frank? You know him, the Orangutan? "Cause he's in some serious trouble.

>>49514281
All the melodramatic posing, the gaudy armor, the casually dismissive-yet-wholehearted acceptance of a challenge to combat by an interloper. Not to mention that you have yet to rectify the name of your Department. What you practice is Laspiomancy.

>>49514351
It seems your familiar is taking some vacation time according to a pactbroker.
>>49514390
. . .No. It isn't. It is Oozemancy. I made this magic from scratch.
I worked damn hard to get my department made.
You are not going to tell me what I should be calling things again unless you want a boot up your ass.

>>49514281

I think that might be one of his descendants. The whole Killroy clan is well known and prestigious for their skill in the mystical arts, and their various hordes of creatures they threaten to unleash on the lands.

>>49514300

The Goatman would stop eating through the locks if the kids would stop attracting it with the scent of their out of control hormones!

As for his methods, they only came about after he brokered that partnership with the head of the Geomancer's Department, which has lived on in generations upon generations of cooperation between our two departments, which paid off when the departments all went to war with one and other. Our departments sustained the least damage and weren't filled with Screaming Skeleton/Earth Golem hybrids eating apprentices.

And our checks only bounced after the Guild selfishly decided it was this departments fault they had to pay funeral fees for all those irresponsible apprentices that got themselves killed.

>>49514418
Why do we even still have him? We're necromancers!

>>49514415
Dammit, Frank! You think you know a magically conjured and bound creature, then he abandons you to go on vacation! Never should have gone with a primate, I'd been warned aboot them.

Crap.

Does anyone have something for hangovers?

>>49514444

Well, he gets results. The rate of pregnancy among Apprentices has dropped 3.5% since he was unleashed on the school.

>>49514418
Possibly then.

I'm assuming this Killroy fellow was department head during some of the time Lazarus was dead, yeah?
>>49514474
I have an ooze that eats away hangovers.
Made it during some particularly rough times.

>>49514415
Yes, I'm quite sure you put quite a bit of blood, sweat, tears and mucus into your creations, but you're hardly the first mage to animate viscous fluid. There's an entire natural quasiplane that consists entirely of the stuff.

Remind me when you became department head again, I have paperwork to check.

>>49514485
The rate of reported pregnancies.

The kids are still moving in with each other, they're just warding their rooms more heavily. And stealing baby stuff from each other.

>>49514488
An ooze? Gods, those things are getting more useful everyday. Far cry from using them for cleanup in the tunnels, after a goblin skirmish. Damn greenskins.

>Looks around for goblins

What will they think of next, eh? A booze ooze? Waitaminute- ye gods! I have to grab some notes from my quarters.
Gluglobul, friend, when is your next class? I just had a beautiful idea!

>>49514488
>I'm assuming this Killroy fellow was department head during some of the time Lazarus was dead, yeah?

It's a little muddled. After the Chronomancy department had to reset time that time that never was, we're not quite sure when he was head. Legends say he was the first head and apprenticed Lazarus. All we know for sure are which disasters are attributed to which head, but the order of when they happened is hazy.

I'm not sure the Goatman has technically been created yet, although none can dispute the effect it's had on the Guild.

>>49514521

What you're saying then is we need to lure the Goatman to the dorms? Interesting...

We should discuss this with the rest of the department after we unleash the horde of ravenous wights at the memorial service.

>>49514521

Also, do you think any of the Apprentices would be willing to give up a baby or two for the sacrifice?

Can never have enough virgin sacrifices, and we both know how difficult those have been to find as of late!

>>49514550
Okay, now you're just spouting bullshit, because I know for a fact those first two facts are both lies.

And I guarantee you nobody but you will vote for it.

>>49514575
No, I find it highly unlikely. Just ask Demonology, they should have plenty of spares.

>>49514550
All this talk of Goatmen, and no-one has yet asked the most important question, namely, "how nice is his beard?

>>49514591

You only say that because you only existed after time was reset! And the demonology department keeps trying to make faustian pacts for their virgins, and it's really obnoxious at this point.

>>49514600

Not very since those pledges shaved the Goatman. To think, he only killed two of them. To this day we don't know who the other pledges were, just that one of them lost an arm, but they probably just got a new one from some Biomancer.

>>49514518
May... 13th? 14th? Of last year.
And I am the first person in recorded history to successfully make a ooze based school of magic.
I've checked, thoroughly.
And I'll have you know the plane of "oozes" used to be the plane of mud before oozes were created.
I couldn't actually check.
>>49514546
Tomorrow, but are you thinking of booze ooze?

>>49514649
Are you sure you're all the way sane? It sounds like someone broke your... You know... Sanity.

>>49514658
Ah, so after the Chronomancy incident then.
That would explain the lack of recorded history.

>>49514696
Y u gotta be a dick like this?

>>49514668

Listen, it's not a big deal. Marles Deathbrand used to have your position before time broke and became the time that never was, but now his great grandfather sprained his ankle when he was six, so he never met Marley's great grandmother ten years later, and instead of your distant ancestor contracting influenza and dying, he became head of his tribe and one of his harem would become your family line.

I don't really understand this all Chronomancy, you'd need to speak with Buzzwell about this, it's really more her field.

... Unless she doesn't exist anymore.

>>49514658
Yeah, I know booze ooze has been done before, but I have a new idea. Imagine, a booze ooze that not only gets ya drunk, but prevents and cures hangovers! Eat and drink as much as ya want, with no later consequences! Except the normal effects of drinking, of course, but I don't think there's an ooze for preventing you from going home with a she-troll.

>>49514696
Also, can the Chronomancy department tone it down a little? At this point, I think they're just messing with us.

>>49514734

Who even runs that department anymore? Because the last three people I thought run it either don't exist, died in childbirth, or have always worked as a Tanner and have no idea what I'm talking about.

Which is why they're still getting away with this.

>>49514719
>Stares at him in disbelief
>Shrugs and sighs

>>49514734
Hm, which variation of booze ooze should we use?

>>49514718
I advise you to check my nametag and think on that for a moment.

ooc: I'm only playing off events that have actually occurred in these threads. The chronomancy department thing happened. We broke time once.

>>49514807
Then could you not use it to be like "lol your lore is wrong" even though it's been established that what Glug is saying is true? Also all spoiler comments from me are OOC

>>49514798
Something weak enough to bond properly, but strong enough to maintain a good buzz. For a first attempt, probably a weaker wine. An experiment like this should be done carefully, there's no need to go straight to rotgut, or elf wine. Gods, I hate elves, but I love their wine. Does that make me a hypocrite?

>>49514768

If it makes you feel better, Dankbeard used to be his brother before the reset, Wendel had an unfortunate goatee, and I had my brain implanted in that dead outsider entity that we found in the quad one day.

I don't really know why we all decided to do put my brain in it, we were were all pretty drunk that night, but I felt it had work out pretty well. I still miss that body.

Losing it was worth it for Wendel's goatee to stop existing. Though that betting pool about whether it was a parasite or a daemon stopped existing too, and I was sure I was going to win.

>>49514853
Are you... sure you're sane?

Because I have my doubts.

>>49514844
Not really.
>Is a sea-elf

>>49514853
That explains so very many things. I have some letters I need to write to my sister-in-law. And my mother.

Also, that goatee was certainly not natural. I would know.

>>49514901
I keep forgetting who's an elf and who isn't. 'Sides, you've never been "that elf", not like that one fellow who used to work here. Forget his name, but he had these eyebrows that could be used as spears, and he never shut up aboot elf magic. I think he was eaten by something.
Or erased during that "incident".

>>49514967
Hm, could it be...
Are you all from an alternate timeline?
Because we get those some times.
Also people from other universes or realities.

>>49514885
>Because I have my doubts.

Well, I am going to unleash a horde of ravenous wights at the end of Killroy's memorial service, so that's fair.

>>49514996
Another thing, please don't do that.

>>49514853
I can vouch for the goatee. I'm fairly certain I used to be on the other end of this infernal pact business as well.

Veilhex, Do you know what happened to the Pyromancy department head after the incident?

>>49514993
I'm not even sure anymore, to be honest. It wouldn't be the first time I've plane-walked. Never go drinking with a Kender Gnome.

>>49515010
Oh, let 'em. It's not like we can't deal with a few wights. 'Sides, we owe it to Killroy. Guy was here for ages. I think he might've done some plane-walking, too, 'cause I saw his sigil everywhere. Weird lookin thing, too.

>>49514902

You know, I never said this before, but I like you much better than Darius. When he was you, he wouldn't even entertain trying the malicious brew we came up with at the bonfire-- but you? I have never seen a cauldron drain so quickly!

>>49515010

But how better to honor Killroy than to unleash them as he rises up from the coffin full of blood at his memorial resurrection?

I mean, it's in our department's charter. The only reason it took this long to fulfill if because we couldn't find the damn horde.

>>49515031

No, there is absolutely no way any earthly being could naturally grow something so hideous. If it weren't for timebreaking, I'm sure it would have been the doom of us all!

>>49514993

Who can keep track? Time has been splintered so much, that who can even tell which reality we're in anymore. The only consistent thing is the guild and all she stands for.

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>>49515031
Incindia?

She was in here earlier, according to Obsidia.

>>49515052
Is that where he was when he wasn't running the department?

>>49515071
Yeah, no, we're not bringing him back
>A pair of skeletons are suddenly behind him
>They begin trying to beat Erasmus's bad idea out of his brain
>By punching him a lot

>>49515052
Hm.
>>49515071
Yeah, but usually, at least in this timeline, any breaks, bubbles, or other bad things that happened with time no longer exist to have happened once they're fixed.
Or at least I'm pretty sure that's what happens.
Other Archive anons can dispute me.

>>49515094
Sorry, I meant former Pyromancy Head Noel.

>>49515094
This looks like some departmental politics. I'm staying out. Have to go and check my notes anyway, trying to see if goodberries that have been made permanent can be made into wine. Sure, it means dealing with druids, but they aren't all crazy treehuggers. Most of 'em, but not all. Gods, I hope Frank didn't take that casket.
See you around, try not to kill each other.

>>49515094

GAH! How dare you! I WAS THE ONE BLOODED YOU AND I SHALL-- Wait, no, that's Marley! Damn it!

>Turns into mist and rises to the ceiling


OUR HANDS OUR TIED, THE CHARTER MUST BE FULFILLED, AND THE QUAD HAS BEEN RESERVED FOR WEEKS! NOTHING CAN STOP US--

Hold on, I'm getting a Send Message.

...

Damn it, who showed the familiars where the Horde was? Apparently they've joined the damn strike!

This is worse than the time the Goatman got into the virgins' quarters and the blood sacrifice for Lazarus's birthday was completely ruined. We never did get to dump that barrel of blood onto the old boy like we planned.

>>49515191

The memorial service is postponed until the next blood moon! Since we have the quad reserved anyway, and the refreshments in place, I move that we instead have an interdepartmental bonfire while we bargain with the horde!

>>49515145
I dunno.

>>49515191
He doesn't even like being doused in blood.

Also, it occurs to me, we don't actually have a quad.

So I guess you missed a timeline or two.
>Shrugs

>>49515224

The quad is where the old department used to be!

You know, that overgrown field with all the wraiths and graves and such.

>>49515247
Oh that.

You mean that place a paladin order was clearing to put up an outpost?

Are these threads archived anywhere, cause this shit is gold.

>>49515267
Wait for the Janitor link when the thread hits post 300.

>>49515257

What?! Tonight? BUT I RESERVED IT WEEKS AGO!

GIVE THE WIGHTS WHAT THEY WANT SO WE CAN UNLEASH THEM ON THESE FOUL PALADINS WHO HAVE INVADE OUR SACRED LOCALES!

SOMEONE SUMMON THE SKULL GOLEM!

>>49515292
No.

He joined the rebellion.

>>49515267
They're auto archived on sites like moe, plebs, and desu.
We circlejerk some more in the archives of moe and ghost post there until we hit 5000~ posts.
Then we make a new thread.
There's another Mages Guild that we dub "Ye Olde Mages Guild". Why we call them that I can't remember.

>>49515267
Yeah, I got the meeting records around here somewhere...
Ah, here they are!
http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/search/subject/mages%20guild/ghost/none/

>>49515304

What?! What the hell does he want?! MORE SKULLS?

>>49515328
Probably.

You want to go negotiate, feel free.

I have a class to go teach.

>>49515304
You know thats why you don't give your own creations complete sentience, the efficiency boost isnt worth the headache in my opinion.

>appears in a flash of light
>looks around for a moment, runs toward window
>stares out at the collection of strikers

They've really done it this time, haven't they?
Look, whatever you do, don't give them access to

>disappears in a flash
>leaves behind smell of earth, cheap beer, and surliness

>>49515340

You know, Velihex, I question whether we should have someone such as you to teach these kids. I think they're getting the wrong idea about the long and proud tradition of Necromancy from you.

I mean, not only have you actively tried to stop the unleashing of wights on the land, but you seem to be unconcerned that these Paladins have encroached upon our lands.

You seem like some sort of... Church lover.

>>49515345

The quirky personalities can be grating as well.

>>49515387

To what? The stills? The fermentation house? The horde of rabid ghouls that Killroy had in case something happened to his wights?

... That reminds. I have something I need to... Take... Care... Of...

>Clackity clacks away and down the hall

>>49515417
At the very least, I know for a fact I am the only person in the department with a teaching degree.

Now, goodbye.
>Walks out

>>49505269
Pft, this is why only the most superior mages use Animal companions.

>>49515305
Because that's the "old guild" playstyle, it used to be nothing but memes, pre-archives and plots, and just shenanigans

>>49515450

You're just a Ranger with delusions of grandeur!

Besides, Animal companions shit everywhere.

>>49515456
Ah, yes.
REVEAL YOURSELF FOR I KNOW YOU CANNOT BE ANY MERE ANON!

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>>49515463
Everything shits itself.
When it dies!

>>49515432
>>49515417
I suppose I should take responsibility and prevent my undead from escaping and devouring my students, I bid you all fare well.

>Walks down the hall and the sound of bones rattling increases in volume once a door is heard being shut

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>>49515478
who dafuq you think I am, bitch nigga.
>>49515500
>>49515432
>>49515463
They should just call this place "The Necromancers Guild, with a Pyromancy Garage"

>>49515500

>Spooky sounds and flashing lights ensue around the corner
>Clackity Clacks increase
>Skeleton sounds
>Bats fly out
>Giant Spider Sounds
>Moans of the dead
>A Horrible stench

FINE! KEEP YOUR GHOULS CHAINED UP, YOU MONSTER! I SEE NOW THAT ALL KILLROY HAD WERE FALSE FRIENDS AND COWARDS! COWARDS!

>>49515524
*shrug*
Doss Helgado? Badass Chainsawmancer?

>>49515524

The sun has gone down, Doss. This is when the Necromancy department is the most active. Also when classes are. Which reminds me, I should be lecturing right now. I think the Goatman is covering for me now though.

>>49515594
You're a fucking loon, boyo, when the sun down is when vampires are active. And those weird Nocturnal larpers out in the lawn. Goatman is a scrub!
SCRRRUUUBBB!

>>49515576
Captain, you fag

>>49515620

Don't tell the goatman that. He's been sensitive ever since he was shaved.

>>49515629
This is quite the revelation.

>>49515630
He's lucky he's Goatman, Lambman was killed yesterday, poor bastard
>sigh
Poor tasty bastard.

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>>49515644
not sure if sarcasm or serious.

>>49515646

We should hold a service for Lambman on the quad. Afterwards we can unleash a horde of ravenous wights on the land.

Lambman would've loved that.

>Wipes a tear from his socket

>>49515666
I am being quite serious, Satan.

Excuse me, everyone. If I could just interject for a moment? I understand that this is a guild meeting, and that there's probably some sort of, uh, formal schooling process that leads to membership, so I'm sorry for, umm, interrupting? But is anyone taking on apprentices? I kind of accidentally turned my sister into a newt last month and Pa kicked me off the farm. Says I'm not welcome back until I learn to control this "monkey-fisting wizard shit."

>>49515707

That depends. What would you say the diameter of your skull is?

Although, if I were to take you under my wing, you'd need to forgo that unseemly monkey fisting business.

>>49515667
Maybe his memory live on in my leftovers..
>>49515707
Depends on where you tend to take your fisting. No matter what anyone says, Necromancy is the lamest, edgiest, and most overcrowded department.

>>49515707
I suggest find a transmutation teacher to study under.
Quickest way to learn how to turn your sister back into a human.
Or whatever you are.

>>49506215
Our charter states no paladin may join the Guild so if you have no business perhaps you can find your way off.

>>49515753

Hey!

The blood mages are far worse us on this first two points!

It is overcrowded though, but it's not our fault that the students and teachers keep coming back to unlife!

>>49515779
It literally could not be MORE your fault, that people keep coming back to life, that is the definition of what your whole skeleton fuckery is.

>>49515753
>>49515743
It's just an expression, uh, Sirs. Come from a family of banana farmers.

But umm, is there a school of magic that specializes in fistery? Wait no, that's stupid. What kind of wizard casts fists?

>>49515753
What would you recommend then, Professor Helgado?

>>49515853
Muscle Wizard cast fists. So do some of the fruitery Illusionists.
The mages guild has literally everything, and anything, almost all of which is either illegal, or hazardous to yourself, or others. But who cares!

>>49515810

Oh sure, blame the Necromancy Department for all the guild's problems!

>>49516024
So is Necromancy just, uh, animating dead stuff, or are there other applications of the field?

>>49516083

It's all about how creative the user is.

>>49515707
Ooh, if you had only gotten here sooner, there was a lineup in the courtyard and everything. Well, mostly a lineup. A shaven goatman turned it more into a scampering panic.

In any case, my work here is done for the year. Best of luck finding a mentor, lad. If you're ever interested in a prospective career in infernal law, please, do not hesitate to ring the bell. Someone from my department will find you. I guarantee it.

Guys, I fucked up.

>>49516986
This can't be good. What have you done?