Has putting your dick in it solved a problem in your game recently?

>>49499020
no, but gettin nekkid saved the mage for awhile.

>>49499052
Why only awhile?

>>49499115

Death due to exposure, probably.

>>49499020
>Has putting your dick in it solved a problem
No

>in your game
Neither

>recently?
I wish

>>49499020
my party got one noble to stick their dick in another. It solved some problems.

>>49499020
Pro:
>The dragon no longer has a grudge against the party.
Con:
>She's getting real fucking possessive of the Paladin. Like, yandere, obsessive.

Recently had a game where my character raped a female elf sorceress who was blackmailing the party threatening to ruin their reputation. This was in Dungeon World and my character had a custom rape move where on a 10+ she achieved orgasm from the rape and thus was emotionally fucked up even more from the act, and as a result I could give myself +1 forward on my next move to manipulate her. So I convinced her to renounce the bad shit she had already said about us, which I commited to a magical recording device sort of like a Star Wars hologram recording. Played it to the entire city while she watched and cried with her plans ruined. Then me and two other characters battered her to death with sledgehammers we stole from her golem minions. Her hit points went out pretty fast.

That campaign was fucking awesome. The session before that, my fighter wrapped a werewolf in a bear hug and wrestled him out a window. This is real roleplaying we are talking about here, not babby 3.5 shit. Wish we could run more campaigns. We'd play at the FLGS but they have a rule against hosting non-D&D games.

>>49499402
Doesn't this basically sum up, like, every interaction between adventurers and nobles? The adventurers' services are required so that two nobles can fuck?

>>49499518
One time my party had to go find an ancient genealogy book to find out who fucked to eventually make the noble.

>>49499020
>Has putting your dick in it solved a problem in your game recently?
If by "dick in it" you mean "stake in my character" and by "problem" you mean "something they were open to diplomacy about" then yeah, wooden penetration solved some problems

>>49499020
A PC stuck his dick in barmaid, ended up getting betrayed by another PC, and started a war. On the bright side, the war was against a slave-holding nation, so I guess it solved the area's slavery disagreements.
So yes, sort of.

>>49499441
>possessive of the Paladin. Like, yandere, obsessive.
Why not wife the dragon?

>>49499441
>Dragon is getting possessive of paladin
Amazing

>>49499020
Seduced a Frankenstein that was supposed to kill us. We're getting to reassemble her instead.

>>49499518
In order to fuck, the nobles require the service of 4 adventurers and an owlbear.

>>49499020
Yes. It really does. But more importantly when we tried to sex a group of hunters they refused, then turned into werewolves and tried to kill us. They'd be alive if they were't such prudes.

>>49499518
>>49499851
Nobles are panda bears, basically.

>>49499644
>A PC stuck his dick in barmaid, ended up getting betrayed by another PC, and started a war. On the bright side, the war was against a slave-holding nation, so I guess it solved the area's slavery disagreements.
Ending slavery disputes through traitorous dickings?
I approve.
One can only imagine the response, when centuries later historians discover that slavery was ended over dueling “swords” over a barmaid.


>>49499834
>Seduced a Frankenstein that was supposed to kill us. We're getting to reassemble her instead.
>reassemble her
I’m just curious as to which pieces were missing at the time of seduction, or did the seduction result in her falling to pieces?

>>49499979
Actually, it was because the barmaid became his wife and was pregnant with two of his kids.
The betrayal by another party member involved stranding the father-to-be in the Feywild, so he had to make a deal with a devil to get out. And then he started the war on the devil's request.
It really makes more sense in context.

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It worked for my friend in MaidRPG since he was playing a trap that was undercover as an employee.

fucking an ogress directly led to me getting the (tied for) most powerful sword in the campaign, so yes.

>>49499441
So free dragon mount and eventual Dragonborn helpers?

>>49501439
>dragnoborn
half-dragon*

>>49499020
Well my game went a lot better after I put my dick back into my pants.

>>49499020
I raped the cleric when we ran out of heals
the GM had me roll a d2 for health and take 10 sanity damage

>>49499020
As a matter of fact, yes. Game was Exalted, I used Celestial Bliss Trick to make an Abyssal defect to our side.

For those unaware, CBT is a charm in the core book that causes whoever you fuck to gain a Defining tie towards you. Keep in mind, Defining ties are ties someone would die for. So...yeah.

>>49501691
>you raped another party member
you are that guy anon

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>>49499488
>raped the sorceress
>real roleplaying, not babby 3.5 shit
Man, I'm sure enjoying my babby 3.5 shit right about now

>>49501972
Nah. I rolled Insight before hand and the cleric mentioned he bent his spine in to accentuate his ass.

>>49499488

>Tells story about brutally raping NPC, using "custom rape moves"
> Complains about FLGS not wanting to host them.

Gee, I wonder why that is...

>>49501992
>he
GAY

>>49502175
>playing games with women
dunno what to tell you

>>49502228
>Implying men can't play female characters if they so desperately want to be raped

>>49499851
Why an Owlbear specifically?

>>49502378
As an example for how even the most unlikely relationships can bear fruit.

>>49502417
owlbear fruit*

>>49499020
I'd say most problems honestly.

>>49502433
That stealth pun wasn't even funny, you twit.

>>49501992
Healsluts.

>>49499020
Actually, yes.

The party was doing jobs for a princess seeking to impress her father with her ability to do intrigue.

She became quite enamoured of the skills demonstrated by the sorcerer in both magic and smooth-talking, and decided that it would be a good pairing.

She got bitchier and bitchier about it (she was not of legal age to marry yet, and, well, sticking a dick into the king's daughter would not be looked upon well) until finally the Bard went to the king, her father, and arranged a noble* match.

So now the sorcerer is dicking the princess, keeping her happy, in the hope that she'll get pregnant, which will keep her father happy, so that she'll stay home and look after the kid and let us get away as we need to, which will make us happy.

* The kingdom tracks nobility by sorcerous bloodline and magical potential (preferably arcane, but sometimes divine depending on nobility games apparently). The princess had less magic than was expected of her, so it was good politically (improve magical bloodlines) and for our general well-being (princess really wanted to fuck the sorcerer, and having her angry at us would be bad).

>>49502101
It's like anon is allergic to normal social behavior in public spaces

>>49499488
Go away, Virt,you're banned

>>49500043
it really doesn't. You just took it from "jealousy over a barmaid" to "the barmaid was completely superfluous" without telling us anything about why the party member betrayed him.

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>>49499020
Shouldn't the question be "has spreading your vagina solved a problem (in your game) recently?". In societal terms men are entirely disposable, but women can get anything done by simply having vaginas.

>>49502638
I meant in the context of the game.
If I explained why the party member betrayed him, I'd run the risk of a shit-ton of spoilers if any of my players happened to be on 4chan, and holy fuck I do not want to type out a year's worth of campaign to explain why the betrayal happened.
I'll give you the TLDR version:
>Warlock traded a macguffin and the party fighter to a fey for her captured sister
>Fey uses fighter for a blood sacrifice, summons and attempts to control a devil
>Doesn't work out, warlock escapes with sister
>Fighter somehow survives and is offered an ultimatum by devil
>Sent back to material plane in exchange for service
>Rejoins his wife and starts war for the devil

>>49499020
Tempest Cleric of Zeus/Monk in SKT campaign enslaved and violated a drowning matron while making a deal with a rival house to take down her family operation that was threatening our home base city.

Man I love playing evil characters.

>>49502927
Wait. You violated a matron WHILE she drowned or after?

>>49499020
No, we're over 18.

>>49499979
Short answer: Afterwards

Here's the full story: Frankenstein first tried to seduce the party mage, because she's like six and a half feet tall and wow, that's great and rare spare parts for a Frankenstein woman. Also because said frankenstein has this weird psychosexual relationship with her own body and the parts that are going to be her body.

Anyway the Frankenstein and Mage made it to the bedroom and nearly called the whole thing off because they both wanted to be the Dom. Fortunately, my character has a crush on the Mage and snuck behind her to cry and masturbate. She got caught, so the Frankenstein and Mage decide to [HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE] my character instead.

The Frankenstein does make a half hearted attempt and kidnapping the mage and sticking her brain in her body. The GM expected us to just murder the Frankenstein and move on. Instead, since we actually shared this connection, we just talked her down to let the mage go. Then we got coffee and she talked about how shitty it is being a Promethean, and how tired she is of having to constantly reassemble her own body, and that she plans to kill herself now.

Instead, the Mage get's inspired, and convinces her to let her do an assisted suicide, and keep her brain in a jar. Since then we've been working on getting a new body together and making a new, better Frankenstein.

My party had issues from time to time to have a feel of the value of items, mind you I played with 3 first time players
My characters when to the whores so often that eventually they used Whores as an equivalent currency to determine an items value, because everyone in the party came to know a whore's worth
Eventually even the DM started to use Whores as a currency
>You appraise the item, you think it's value is roughly 24 Whores

>>49499518
For that matter, it's a quick but concise summary of most of recorded history.

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>>49499488
We know it's you Virt, why do you insist on making a fool out of your self? Is it the only way your autistic mind can find meaning in life? By trolling a bunch of other autists on a Taiwanese flipbook forum? You sad, sad little boy

>>49499657
He's Lawful Naive and has a 2pure wife at home. He's confused as fuck as to what to do now.
The dragon's a Great Red Wyrm, and (thankfully) doesn't know about the wife yet.
>>49499771
Not amazing. Terrifying. The paladin barely managed to convince her to let him and the party to leave her lair after the "deed" was done so we could get back on with the adventure. She was going full "I'll kill your party, and keep you in my hoard forever and ever[clearly insane laughter]" before that.
As is, I'm sure she's got a scrying spell on us to keep track of him. She also pulled one of her scales off and gave it to him -to quote the DM- "so I'll always be with you wherever you go.[slightly unhinged giggle]"
>>49501439
I think she'd only let the Paladin "mount" her. Though putting a howdah on her would be awesome, She's a gods-damned Great Red Wyrm. Attempting to strap on to her would almost assuredly result in Near-TPK, the Paladin being kept alive for obvious reasons.

>>49499488
Hi Virt.
Now piss off.

>>49504434
>THIS

Most things in civilization come down to "so I can fuck".

Shelter? You're fucked if you spend a night in Canada without it. Food? You need it to not die.

Everything beyond that is for fucking.
You want some nice things (like vidya games) to keep yourself entertained while not fucking. The nice house? That says "children raised here will have a superior environment and more resources. Come on in and I will help you make some". Influence. Power. Money. While some fucked-up aberrants (evolution is all about 'does this mutation work out' after all, not 'a perfect path') live uniquely for those things in and of themselves, historically and evolutionarily speaking those things are there because they help you get laid.

When you're rich you can even BUY sex. Influence can very directly get you laid, and interfere or prevent others from getting what you'd want to get laid with.

You'll never see the guy assembling burgers at mcdonalds forcing a local teacher to give him his daughter lest their entire family end up on the street. The guy assembling burgers has nothing going for him. Shit like this is where the whole "aristocrats" joke comes from in the first place; while peasants were being told assfucking will get them executed before they even go to hell, people literally swimming in jewels and gold pieces were re-enacting scenes of ancient greece by having their "little tadpoles" (little boys) come and "nip" at them for their pleasure.

All of it comes down to "this will let me fuck"

>>49505083
>>49504888
>>49502577

?????

>>49499020
Only caused them.

>>49499020
No, but it caused probpems recently, and in the past my Scion of Loki got a pity date with a Goddess so the rest of the party could break into her safe

>>49499020
Well, our fighter got the party free rooms by dicking the innkeeper. So that's good

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>>49499657
wife the dragon

>>49505070
Oh, that's not waifuing material, that's "Stab her in the head when she's not looking so she dies happy" material

>>49505964
>GM takes adventure ideas from Shrek

>>49505070
That's a top tier waifu you got there. Offer your old wife to her as a snack.

>>49505525
You're fooling nobody but yourself Virt.

In Exalted, one of my players was once trying to convince a Dynast to turn on the Realm and bring her legion with her.

He couldn't break her social defenses in one go, but he did manage to seduce her. So he made a series of combined checks for endurance and charisma to keep her up literally the entire night doing adult activities, then resumed social combat regarding defecting while they had breakfast. She had not regained willpower or motes the night before, so she failed and he was able to crush her intimacy to the realm.

So yes, putting his dick in it worked.

>>49505525
>>49506744
i would also like to know who this virt character is

>>49499488
Hey Virt, been a while, ya piece of shit. I see the trolling is going the same as ever.

>>49499020
Yes, when some strange foreign visitors arrived and nobody spoke the other side's language, "put your dick in it" was how we established diplomatic relations.

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>>49501439
Of course the dragon gets mounted

>>49502713
>>>/pol/

>>49506284
This is the viewpoint of the Rogue and the Cleric. Rogue is Paladin's literal brother, and proclaims that anyone going after his sis-in-law is going to not wake up in the morning. Cleric has convinced Paladin that if he's honest with his wife about the need to sleep with the dragon for survival, his wife will understand.
>>49505964
>>49506382
This is the viewpoint of the NE Sorcerer, though we think he's just trying to get close to the dragon for unknown reasons that might have to do with the suspicion that he's dipping into Warlock.

The Bard is mad that it wasn't him. The Druid just reminds everyone that sticking their dick in crazy was bound to have consequences, and that shit's probably going to get worse before we're powerful enough to deal with Crazy Cloaca on a more even footing.

Also, yandere a shit.

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>>49508296
>women don't use their sex value to manipulate men around them
>no woman in all of history has done this
>anyone who thinks women move men like this, is not even worth having a discussion with

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>>49508821

>>49508178

Basically an infamous attention whore on /tg/ who likes grossing everyone out by talking about rape and elves getting murdered.

>>49509059
there's a difference between being an attention whore and a professional shitposter anonymous.
Try to use the right terms for the right actions. Otherwise language becomes a joke.

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>>49508178

>>49508503
Needs to polymorph dragonself in hot babe. SEE Anon I can be so much better than other females. You Don't like me? *Crys Lava*

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>>49509077
Virt, please. We're trying to have a thread here

>>49510077
The "everyone I don't like is Virt" meme is my favorite