Help me come up with useless magical devices that a group of

>>49376981
Wooden Paddle of Truth
When applied to the ass of a willing or bound individual, it will cause the individual to act as if a Zone of Truth was cast focused entirely on him for as long as his ass is continued to be paddled.
The subject will intersperse all confessions with "I've been a bad, bad boy."

>>49377273
I can see the party using this to interrogate someone.

>>49377273
>Lie detector, torture device and fetish toy in one
>Useless
/tg/ pls

>>49377331
That's what I said.

No matter how crap you make something your players will find a way to make it work.

Hell, our 1st ED party still has bags of Drowshot (Pebbles with Continual Light cast on them, this was from a time when light actually did things to Drow) from our one encounter with the buggers.

>>49377308
>>49377331
>>49377433

That's kind of the idea. I want to run a one shot where the players are all first year wizarding students going on a hazing mission from the older students.

A stone that emits a loud buzzing noise and tattoos an irremovable sigil onto the one that touches it that is understood by everyone who sees it to mean "idiot".

Keg with a portal to the plane of beer (makes things interesting when a beer elemental gets sucked through)
Invisible screaming frogs
Boots of random speed
Flocks of awakened birds taught rude songs about unpopular professors
Hangoverbane max-strength coffee
The chamber of endless mage hands (spanky spanky)

>>49377715
>Keg with a portal to the plane of beer (makes things interesting when a beer elemental gets sucked through)
>Hangoverbane max-strength coffee

What if put the coffee in the keg?

>>49377737
A hole in reality is torn, sucking everything within ten feet into the demiplane of hangover cures.
For the love of God CLOSE YOUR MOUTH

>>49377694
Yay for thief detection!

>>49376981
Ring of Endure Bears
Appears to be a ring that grants the effects of Bear's Endurance, but it has a hidden effect of increasing the likelihood that the wearer will encounter a hostile bear (or hostile bears) by 20% each day. The effect is cumulative and resets after said encounter.

clothes that, whole worn, become invisible to all but their wearer

Rod of rod detection. Emitts loud beeping when rod is near. It beeps constantly.

>>49377780
yes but it buzzes wherever you put it, so its a constant nuisance just to possess it and you will struggle to find a way to move it without getting tattoed, so yes it will detect thieves, as well as you and anyone who tries to return it to you.

>>49377839
This is definitely down my alley.

mud marker.
this plain brown cylinder applies a thin coating of wet dirt to what ever it touches.

>>49377839
Man do the bears scale up in difficulty based on level?
Because after a certain point an aggressive bear showing up is just free xp

>>49377945
after a certain point they stop giving xp all together

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>>49377942
Is it infinite?
Can I use it to be immune to thermal vision?

butter of butter-making

this dairy product converts all formerly living matter it touches into butter of butter-making when it melts

>>49377942
This is perfect for creating magic circles.

>>49377975
But if it scaled up and turned into dire bears then bear elementals then bear gods it would be more fun.

>>49377998
it is more or less infinite, the layer is however incredibly thin

>>49378011
>Splat BBEG with butter
>Cast fireball
>BBEG melts into butter
>Eat some well deserved toast.

>>49376981
Endless beer bong.

>>49377945
Of course! Black bears, brown bears, grizzly bears, polar bears, kodiak bears, dire bears, fiendish bears, owlbears, drop bears, golden bears... the list goes right on up to the bear gods of old.

>>49378029
>More or less infinite
We need to talk about the definition of infinite anon-kun...

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>>49378021
I just think that would be unbearable

>>49378041
the bbeg must die first because it only works on things that arent live anymore, unless the bbeg is a zombie or something

>>49378067
fine indefinate

>>49378089
>Splat lich with butter*
Fixed!

>>49378089
Well that solved the immediate lich problem.

>>49378110
>>49378115
>Lichmind

Anything Of Oglaf dwarf creation

One of those devices where you flip a switch to activate it and an arm comes out, turns off the switch, and goes back in. But with a skeleton or imp or something.

>>49378115
> you now are faced with a butterlich that incorporates from any dairy product on the planet
>7 years later you die from intestinal problems or obesity, having eaten your 50th cheesewheel golem, 23rd yogurt lich and its cottage cheese phylactery.

orb of slope detection is the best mundane magical item.

Cape of strength
with hidden power of arrow attraction

>>49378464
Truly, a heroic sacrifice

A spell that restores exactly as much mana as it takes to use
>>49377715
>Boots of random speed
lol

>>49378072
this bearly counts as humor anon.

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>>49378072
>>49379584

>>49376981

Rectal potion injector
Potion alcoholiser
Potion aerosoliser
Distraction golem
Air purifier that removes weed smell
Anti-zone-of-truth ring that only allows you to lie for the sole purpose of denying all wrongdoing, and as a side effect, compels you to constantly do so
Undergarment teleporter
Remote fabric stressor

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This, but with magic instead of mechanics.

There were the gloves of gropeing from the erotic fantasy spatbook. Perfect thing for frat boy wizards

The Crimson Cup of Chilling

Created in batches of 24, these cups will keep any alcoholic liquid contained within from warming over 4°C.

>>49377779

Hangover cures are great you neet

Wand of booty call

Talisman of Summon Biddies

Charm of My Dad is the Dean

>>49378066
>drop bears
With levels in assassin

house succubus

A keg of standing
It's just a beer keg that's enchanted to give anyone "perfect" balance for as long as they're doing a kegstand on it

>>49376981
A literal pussy magnet.
It attracts cats.

>>49381822
Oddly enough though it never attracts them by their feet, only their backs

Mr. Meeseeks

>>49377858
Ring of detect magic. Glows when a magical aura is detected. Also known as the ring of perpetual light.

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A tiny golem that will put together picture puzzles for you so you don't have to.
They are not much bigger than a puzzle piece themselves and not exceptionally good at putting puzzles together either, so it might take them awhile to put it all together.
Some wizards will mix multiple sets to fuck with the golems and see what they come up with.

>>49385804

Damn, that's actually cute.

A book that you can write with, but never on. Ink is dispensed when you rub it up against paper.

>>49376981
Everholder
A cupholder that will hold whatever cup is placed within it forever. Bring a straw.

>>49385957
Trick somebody into putting their hand into a cup too small for the hand to fit in while it's in the holder.

A book only illiterate people can read and write in

>>49386160
Instant Barbarian check.

A Lantern that you can only use during the day

>>49376981
A magic bottle opener, that will always send the lid flying at someone's balls

>>49376981
Selbstsicht-Oculum:

A magic camera-like device that only observes itself, but at least you can change the angle of view.

>>49386319
Diogenes, when did you become a wizard?

>>49386479
Makes an handy mirror if you need to see what some asshole has written on your back while you were passed out

An instant picture box. Place a paper in it and will print a picture. It can make only pictures of nude younger version of mother who put paper in a box.

A cue which enchanted to make all sort of cool billiard tricks. It works only if you are totally plastered.

>>49376981
A cup that, when the secret magic word is spoken, begins to overflow.

Or a simple endless decanter that automatically overflows with whatever is inside.
The second half of the joke is that it isn't magic - it's a engineering trick that some gnomish sorcerer used that causes the cup to shrink when filled to a point, causing an overflow, so it can't be used to dupe liquids.

Either way, queue a sudden chorus of whatever verb is used to denote consumption of alcohol from the lunge of slightly lukewarm disappointment.

I saw some 'kender magic items'. The only one I remember was a ring of invisibility. When you wear the ring, it turns invisible. Not you, just the ring.

>>49377715
>Boots of random speed
topkek

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>The Paired Socks of Perception
A pair of magically linked plain white socks. Cast's a charm that makes the wearer percieve the wearer of the other paired sock as an attractive member of the species and sex the wearer prefers. Works on bears too

>Goggles of Glod
Makes everyone seem like an amorous or grumpy dwarf named Glod

>Brad's Box of Thumb Tacks of Invisibility
Invisible

>Deudorant of Odor
Makes the wearer emit a strong aroma of the last thing he or she ate. The wearer doesn't notice the smell.

>Quill of Disappearing
Turns invisible when you need it.

>Pizzabox of Leftovers
Always contains a slice of cold pizza that doesn't contain any of the toppings you would prefer it to have.

>Beet of Beep
Emits a moderately loud beep or high-pitched whirring noise just on the range hearing on random intervals.

>Charm of Alarm Stiffling
Emits an aura that hides the sounds of every alarm clock and rooster in a 12-foot radius

>>49385296
Those things are useful as hell you fucking Jerry

>>49379804
>an artifact that casts a magical field, which has the effect of dispelling that magical field

>>49386724

>socks
Can easily be used to replace the socks of someone powerful so a party member can charm them

>goggles
Place them on an interrogation target so he has no idea who you all are

>thumb tacks
i n v i s i b l e c a l t r o p s

>deudorant
Sabotage an enemy's meeting with their allies

>quill
If you're jailed, try and write on as many walls as you can to activate it's invisible powers, then you'll have a freely smuggled quill

>pizzabox
Single scouts would never need to worry about hunger, and when on a serious journey you get so hungry you'll eat anything

>beet
Can be thrown for distracting guards

>charm
Make your rival late for an important meeting that you happened to be the second choice candidate for in case he doesn't show up

>>49377331
>>49377308
>>49377433


>WILLING subject.

You have to seduce who you want to interrogate

>>49378479
It actually rolls up hills

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>>49378072
>>49379584
5/10 My sides did not exactly reach Ursa Major.

>aura of ball whacking
Any object at motion within the aura will bend fate in order to whack straight into the nearest pair of balls it can find.

>greased ring of invisibility
A ring that can grant invisibility at will. Also creates an amount of grease proportional to the wearer's heart rate such that it'll slip off when doing pranks (or sneaking past deadly enemies)

>microwave of one second teleportation
Acts as a normal microwave oven until timer reaches 1 second. At 1 second, sends out a magical aura to detect any sleeping beings within ear shot, and - if any are detected - will Teleport itself out of ear shot. Does not Teleport back. No known way of finding it other than trial and error.
Also detects animals, insects, and occasionally beings in alternate planes.

>>49386813
Willing or BOUND
Nah, it'd be fine.

>>49376981
Cursed (insert embarrassing clothing item here). It doesn't do anything. You just can't remove it is all.
Bag of illusory coins (requires attunement). The attuned character is the only one that can see, touch, or otherwise sense them.
Sending Stone (1) - A sending stone that sends one-way to space or another dimension. Just to kinda see if we are alone in the universe. Nothing is every going to respond.
The world's smallest violin. Magically enchanted to hypnotize all that hear it into feeling extremely sad. It's far too small for anyone to play.
Wand of Chad's Instant Booty, a magical booty call.

>>49376981
An enchanted hat that is explained to help boost a persons intelligence. In truth it reads their thoughts and puts it into song. Not the deep dark thoughts, the stuff on the surface.

"Yes I have to go to the toilet~
Yes I really have to pee~
Oh god there is the girl I like
Please don't look at me~"

Diadem of waking sleep; allows you to sleepwalk through your day performing tasks which you are familliar with automatically.

If an unfamilliar task or challenge rears itself the wearer awakens in a mild stupour.

The wearer may sleepwalk for their entire sleep cycle, but using it for consecutive days deducts an hour from their effective sleep cumulatively each day.

>>49376981
>Cloak of Modesty
It blurs out any exposed genitalia of the person wearing it.

>>49379920
I wouldn't know. I don't get hangovers for some reason.
Even attempted to induce once and almost got hospitalized for alcohol poisoning.

>>49386737
They ARE useful, but they have a violent reaction to anything they cannot solve. Plus, I mean you typically summon one for the most mundane bullshit, hence their perfect fit for this thread

>>49376981
Beer can familiar
Screams when the beer inside it is drank
dies when empty

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>>49377331

>>49388149
Is that Virt?

Necklace of tripping. Panties of eternal fall.

Potion vape pen
>Load with a potion
>As a full round action, you can draw from the pen and exhale. Allies within 10' cone gain half the effect of the potion for half of its duration. You gain its benefits as usual.
>unless you have the Stoner feat, after each use per day after the first, roll 1d6. If you roll a 1, you are staggered by coughing for 1 round and are then nauseated for 1d4 rounds

Quill of Telepathic Dictation
>Just think of what it is that you want to write, and the quill shall write it without you having to lift a finger. Can also draw summoning circles and other diagrams, providing that you can properly envision them in your mind's eye.
Everlasting inkwell
>when a quill or brush is dipped into the inkwell, it always has the perfect amount of ink on it
>as the name states, that perfect amount of ink lasts indefinitely and can keep writing and writing until the end of days
>when you no longer need to write, simply scrape/wipe the implement against the inner lip of the inkwell, and the ink will be removed.

>>49388411
Now depending on your GM, the everlasting ink is actually a finite liquid that never can be over saturated in any brush or cloth and simply has the ability to write with indefinitely, or the inkwell produces a never ending amount of ink that not only can be used to write indefinitely, but also makes for a quick trap by pouring some onto the floor

>>49377715
Each boot should have a different speed value.

>>49376981
You create the Wand of Existential Misgivings! When cast on a target, they are immediately teleported to a dimension in which everything is exactly the same.

>>49376981
A gun to kill themselves with

>>49379167
Thats actually pretty useful. Restoring another players Mana.

>>49379920
they sure are, when you don't exist on a plane solely comprised of them.

>>49389194
Damn, someone is salty. Did the mean frat boy fuck your oneitis?

>>49379167
you could use that for powering up a device that requires spellcasts tho

amulet of warded death
everytime something should kill you, redirects death to your dog

Study Chair of the Eternal Overweight

A chair that, when sat in by a person of any weight, will collapse into several peices. Whenever the sitter gets back up, it will reform itself to pristine condition instantly.

Biff's Remote Strike
Level: Sor/Wiz 1
School: Conjuration (teleportation)
Components: S
Casting Time: 1 standard action + see text
Range: 10 ft./level
Target or Targets: one creature
Duration: Instantaneous
Saving Throw: None; see text
Spell Resistance: None

Having always wanted to kick unsuspecting victims in the balls, but being too scrawny to deal with consequences, Biff the Understudy created this arguably devastating spell. The caster targets one specific enemy, then performs an unarmed attack. The attack shall be magically moved accross space to strike the intended victim. The attack must be made unarmed, else the spell fizzless harmlessly. The caster must roll to hit as if actually performing an attack against the intended target.
It is unknown how exactly the knowledge about this spell survived, considering how Biff's soul was quickly trapped into a flawless diamond by an unamused, vindictive proffessor.

Rolled 7, 5, 1 = 13 (3d8)

>Delayed honking horn
Whenever you squeeze it, a spell is cast on you.
Roll a 3d8. Every time you squeeze the horn it produces no sound, which may lead to the user to wonder why the artifact is not working and consequently keep constantly squeezing it over a period of time. All these honks are stored in the spell and will play after a number of hours equal to the result of your dice. This spell is anchored on the user and not the horn
Any subsequent honking after the first minute casts another charge with a different 3d8 roll

>book of mystery
>after it's cast on a regular book, the book content can be read only by the caster
>created to protect spellbooks, but now it's mostly used for smut

>>49391451
That gives me an idea.
Delayed Banana Peel
When an opponent steps on it, there is no immediate effect, but 2d6 rounds later they must succeed a balance check or immediately fall prone.

>>49377273
If it's frat wizards then the paddle shouldn't make them tell the truth, it should make them "confess" to whatever they're asked while being paddled.
"Do you like wearing pretty dresses?"
*Whack*
"Yes I like wearing pretty dresses"
"Do you put want your dolly?"
*Whack*
"Yes I want my dolly"
etc