Why aren't female bards more common?

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>>49266794

Morons think being a bard means being promiscuous

Those same morons also think a female PC being promiscuous means the player is inviting them to a Magical Realm.

>>49266794
Sampling bias is my guess. I've never seen a particular scarcity of them.

>>49266794
Can't sing with all that dick in your mouth.

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>>49266794
>Why aren't female bards more common?

Female bards are pretty common, they only seem to be rare on /tg/ because the meme bard is a typical sophomoric power fantasy thought up by thirsty motherfuckers who want a single sentence solution to getting in the pants of anyone and anything.

Female bard would mean she's getting just as much dick as the male bard's getting pussy, and the thought of a slender young (probably blonde) woman getting triple-teamed by half the tavern triggers their "pure waifu" sensibilities.

>>49268259
You're not pure, Shinobu

>>49266794
>> prostitution already exists. what are female bards?

>>49266794
But she wasn't a bard. She was a literal whore who just happened to have some charm and looks.

>>49266794
Probably because it follows the historical norm.

I play with a guy who is currently running with a female elf bard in 5e. He actually plays her as a rational actor. Pretty much a woman going through an elven mid-life crisis and decides she wants to see the world to the sound of her hurdy gurdy in true trobairitz style.

>inb4 Beatritz de Dia

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>>49266837
>>49267981
Wow, case in point. Well done anon.

>>49268301
Kiss-Shot is confirmed virgin, though.

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>>49268390
>uh, sexist and racist much?

>>49266794
Isn't there a different name for female bards? Like songstress or something?

All through my college days, the gaming groups always had one chick who went bard and did nothing but tried to Mesmerize every man when not in combat. In combat most of them would just stand there and not even play a blessing tune. Their whole good time was imagining how it would feel to entice every man in the room.

As a young neckbeard, I couldn't understand why they weren't trying to kick asses and take names, and I spent many nights lying awake alone ignoring their phone calls in order to try to figure it out. I think I figured out those were booty calls when I turned 38 years old and MIT mailed me my improved wizard hat

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>>49268370
Nah, she was a bard through and through

>>49268712
I dunno. Yeah she did some singing but it wasn't great and her big deal was that she was vastly better looking than most others.
That doesn't change the fact she was a literal whore and thats what her main occupation was not singer and dancer like a bard.

>>49266794
In my experience, I've seen more female bards than male. Granted, I mostly watch APs, not played fantasy TRPGs where Bards were an available class, so maybe the people who entertain for a living/profitable hobby are more likely to give a Bard a go. (And the ones who do tend to be TRPG newbies and are less likely to have preconceived notions of Bards.)

But just to take a stab at why you might not have, here are some guesses:

- "Bards suck." culture. If a dude is going to play a chick, then he's not going to play a maligned class on top of playing a chick - which his group might say something about in the first place. If a chick is going to play a chick, she'd probably avoid playing the maligned classes. Otherwise, if she really wants to play a Bard, she'll at least play a dude - and only the Great Autismo is going to prod cross-gender sexytimes to happen.

- See also "chicks playing chicks" above. Many women are used to being social creatures IRL and are more likely to play meatshields than faces because IRL they're not often give the opportunity to punch people for no reason. Grognard gamer chicks typically sneer at girls who want to play "pretty" characters, and Bards are only a step above Clerics in terms of what will get the old lip curl.

- There are typically two genders, and a huge amount of classes. Gender distribution amongst them doesn't have to be equal. As far as I see, more people want to make female Barbarians than male (probably because ladies enjoy the simple fist-to-face nature and dudes enjoy the excuse to have a female character they can barely dress and get away with it as something other than fap bait) and Paladins are more often male than female (likely because women are less likely to want to play with the idea of strong religious ideals - sounds too much like SJW to those who aren't and SJWs tend to play Druids where they can lecture in character more freely).

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>>49268259

>Blonde

literal shit tier

>>49269405
>wanting an STD cesspool with worst color hair and almost worst color skin.

>>49269405
> able to see her nips through her Shirt
I Got Promoted

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>>49269487

Guys who like white girls are like people who's favorite food is fucking pizza

>>49269627
so you're saying you want to be a special snowflake? alright, i got ya.

>>49269627
What's wrong with pizza faggot!!

>>49269405
I bet she fucks like a succubus two ablutions away from redemption

>>49269627
>Not liking pizza
Your opinion is disregarded. Get out. Out I say! OUT!

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>>49270247
>>49270146

Pizza is ok, but it's fucking basic and if its you favorite food then you suck at food

>>49270294
I bet you think that pepperoni and cheese are the only flavors that matter. It's all about BBQ pizza with bacon and steak bits.

But I do have a fondness for salmon nigiri.

>>49270294
What do you mean, you can put whatever the fuck you want on it, pepperone ain't the only topping pleb!!!!!!

>>49270318
Anon have you tried spinach, mushrooms, tomatoes and artichoke hearts, I'm a meat eater, but that combo is my fav!!!!!!

>Troll gets no response with "blonde" bait.
>Troll tries "white girls + pizza" bait.
>/tg/ ignores "white girls" bait and goes ham on "pizza" bait.

That said, I count my favorite food as pizza. I like that I can agree to pizza when deciding on food with a group and then get whatever the fuck I want to eat on it based on my mood at the time. Closest food after that is soup and there aren't many soup restaurants, much less soup take-out. So fuck that guy.

I like gyros, does that count?

>>49270611

Means your less basic than the pizza people

>>49270462
Because its fucking Pizza! Its everyones favorite! any mentions to the contrary are pure lies.

>>49266794
Because girls are terrible singers

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>>49269487

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>>49272289
I hear they have sharp knees too.

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>>49272289

>>49268370
So a bard

Not sure whether Troll side A (let's post photos of beautiful women and insult those who don't salivate) or Troll side B (racist twerp) is more irritating.

Congratulations - you've tied for best loser. Print this out and pin it to your fridge. Probably the most noteworthy thing you've done in years, after all.

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>>49266794
Roleplaying as a playboy is empowering, while roleplaying as a slut is degrading.

>>49266794
Bards are already female. All of them. They disguise it with false facial hair, hence the name of the class: Bard, a corruption of "beard".

>>49266794
I thought lots of girls played female bards, myself included? Maybe it's just that male players don't typically play female bards or something?

I love my little skald.
>She thinks she can melee.
Isn't she precious.

>>49266794
tgs are male dominated, males tend to want to give hot dickings not take hot dickings. On a more serious note, most people play the gender they have IRL

>>49273517
Being a sought after slut is empowering, it's why a lot of women do it.

I still don't get why people on /tg/ think of bards as being sex-crazed maniacs though. Is that what a high charisma modifier means to /tg/?

>>49268259
Jokes on you, I like to imagine pure waifus being defiled

>>49268370
She had some points in pole dance.

>>49273759
There's a difference between empowering and enjoying being degraded.

>>49268259
Fuck you, all of my Bards are played like Freddy Mercury.

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>>49269405
>>49269487
>>49269627
>>49270294
>>49272135
>>49272480


Don't worry, it only lasts until they're 28 and then it's bippity-boppity-boo time to start white-passing!

>>49274072
>white-passing
But that's even better

>>49274046

>implying a woman having sex is degrading

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>tfw you want to play a bard like a quixotic knight
>tfw the stereotype for bards is a promiscuous musician
>tfw the character is a dandy more interested in slaying dragons than wooing ladies
>tfw no group

>>49270294
>>49270318
>americans
>talking about pizza
You guys literally have no idea what you are talking about.

>>49269167
>two genders
Get a load of this shitlord

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>>49269627
So what would the favourite food of someone who has a thing for albinos be?

>>49275845
white pizza

>>49275763

>"Pizza is italian!"
>requires tomatoes
>tomatoes are native to Mexico

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>>49275763
>He doesn't know the joy of a good 'go 'za with some 'roni and 'ge

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>>49275862
And what would the toppings of that be?

So far all I got are pale Greek cheese and coconut.

>>49275878
native tomatoes are not edible.

>>49275909

As opposed to those other tomatoes?

>>49275763
>paper-thin, lukewarm, soggy shit with toppings just thrown in there randomly
>we did it first therefore it's better lol

>>49266794
ADVENTURE
ENDING
PREGNANCIES

>>49275951
Opposed to the ones that got imported and then selectively grown.

>>49269151
You're thinking of the play/novel, not the movie to which op is referring.

>>49275999
So when did that happen? Before 500 BC?

>>49275977

>doesn't know about lambskin condoms
>abortifacients
>also there's literally magic

>>49275999

>inedible
>aztecs had already domesticated them by 500BC

Nice trips tho

>>49275977
As in "object verb subject" sentence or "adjective object" phrase?

>>49275977
>not continuing your adventure anyway
your plot armor basically turns you into jackie chan at that point

>>49266794
because of creeps like OP

>>49275977
somebody hasnt watched vikings season 4

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>>49275890
>>49275958
>implying
Surrender to Cosa Nostra flavour.

>>49269405
I mean, sure, I'd hit that, but to be fair I'm desperate.

>>49269627
Okay, but dude, have you ever had a fucking pizza? From the sound of it you've never really taken the Costanza route to combining food and sex.

>>49275845
>albino
>blue eyes

I call bullshit

>>49275904
Mozzarella, swiss, garlic, chicken breast, usually. Feta would be fine, coconut fuck no.

>>49277751

kissless virgin detected

>>49277793
Not an argument

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I think we can all agree the best type of bard is the one that travels with the group to record their exploits in story and song, spending their time at the tavern regaling audiences about the mighty fighter's martial prowess or the wizard's reality-defying spells. The best example of this is, of course, Dandelion from The Witcher, who is mostly to blame for creating Geralt's legend.

Of course, the second greatest duty of the bard is being the ultimate wingman; getting yourself laid is easy, why not make it a bit of a challenge by helping the Charisma 7 barbarian out by introducing him to a woman that would really like to feel his muscles, or helping the awkward female rogue meet a dashing bardic friend from the academy?

>>49266794
I've only known one bard in all my campaigns
>it was a female

>>49277751
A bard isn't any singer or actor, dumbass. Skalds, Bards, Griots were sacred court performers, not street jugglers.

Do bards have to be repressed nerd power fantasies of sexual isolation?
Can't they just be loud assholes strumming away of a lute and drink themselves stupid?
Do bards have to some kind of porthole to a magical realm?

>>49278785
I always got the impression that they should be charming and gregarious, but to what ends they use these abilities is up to them.

>>49278785
>Do bards have to be repressed nerd power fantasies
You mean just like literally every other class? D&D is a gigantic nerd power fantasy and there's literally nothing wrong with that.

I want tumblr and their demonization of power fantasies to leave.

>>49278895
The emphasis was on the sexual isolation
I understand escapism

>>49274046
Just because it would be degrading to have sex with you doesn't make it that way for everyone

>>49278917
In that case, you can't argue for debauchery without sexual debauchery. A bard that gets into taverns, drinks himself into a coma, gets into barfights but displays his purity ring and stutters that he's saving himself for marriage when a drunk barwench fondles his package needs to have a really convoluted set of morals. An interesting set of morals from a roleplay perspective, but convoluted nonetheless.

If they live a life of debauchery, fornication comes with it at some point.

>>49278998
I could always dismiss any kind of sexuality presented since it's not my thing
I'm sure the rest of the group could do without as well

>>49279026
prude

I just want a female Elan

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>>49272289

>>49275763
Why do people just arbitrarily claim other anons are american based on no evidence aside from the fact they disagree with them?

>>49283057

american detected

>>49268570
No.

>>49275977
Three words.

Iron.
Heart.
Surge.

>>49278998
This would make a great character, though.

>>49266794

Because western culture still treats male sexuality as a joke and female sexuality as a crime.

Just take a look through this very thread, sir.

>>49278368
This there's a reason why Shakespear is referred to as the bard.

>>49283882
He was a horndog?

>>49274057
They get in everyone's pants?

>>49278958
Hello, 911? I need to report a fucking murder over here.

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>>49273517
>Roleplaying as a playboy is empowering, while roleplaying as a slut is degrading.

>roleplaying as a slut is degrading

Says you.

I absolutely adore playing the shameless slut, especially when she sobers up just enough to snag some rich loser near the end of the campaign for a financial security blanket.

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Just reporting in as best food.

>>49284413
Really? Well, alright. You do you, anon.

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>>49284437
Nothing better than a good quiche

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>>49284413
>>49284459

What you have there is a meatless meat pie.

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>>49284584
Yeah, a quiche needs meat in it, just none of the pictures I could find that looked that good.

>>49284628
Then you have a pie that somebody has added too much vegetables and forgot to close.

>>49276161
That assumes your GM isn't like me and won't just let you die anyway while giving you several penalties to checks requiring dexterity or strength.

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>>49284413

Good food? Undoubtedly.
Great food? With the right ingredients, of course!
Best food? Ehhhh, not so much

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>>49284715
>Plz no demonbred

>>49284715
My mom makes the best quiche ever.

>>49284715
Calzone?

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>>49284733
I̖̣t̮̳̠̳̺'̻͕̜̲̥s̸̫̦̗̰͚̳ ͎̺t̢̩o͎̝o̧͍̩̥͓̱͚ ͈̳̲͙̻l̹̥̩̳̳a̻t̯͉̹̼e̝, ͉̭̜̖͚̗̤a̷̫͇̹̪̩n̮̻̝͓̗̤o̯̰͞n̗̣̞͔

͏̫Í̟͍͚ͅ ̵͓̻͍̺c͓̳̼̥͇ą̬̪n̳̼ ͎͔̫͢s̫̤̞e̷̗͔̤͈̻ͅe̳͎̣͔̠̬͎ ̶̲y̡͙͚̙͚̘ǫ͙u̺͕̠̻̙͞.̶̟̦̣̞̫̺.̵̜̖̯̰.̜̜̳̤͖

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>>49284788

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>>49284788

>>49283882
Yes, and during that time, actors were still considered scum. And were all male, since being a female actor made you a whore and basically trash.

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>>49284856

V̮̬̫̬͍i̘o̼̲̮̟l͔e̶̺͔̞̳n̬̳͇͖̱͡c̨͇̭e ̶͖i̸͕̪̪s̱̻̳͙ ̕f̛̪̖u̼̳̝͇̟̜͎t̫̙͓͉̬͓̣i̙̬̰̫͉͝ͅl͇̩̖̰e͈̺̘ͅ.͇̘̦͉̮̜̙.̤͙͓́.̻̖͜

>>49284783

https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Meatbread

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>>49273517
>that monkey-thing in the foreground
what the FUCK

>>49285172
it's just eating a banana, dude

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>>49268498
I can't see a picture of that cunt without hearing her condescending tone and wanting to stab her in the face.

>>49273517
That picture confuses me the more I stare at it.

>>49284973
Is Clarkson left handed or is he shooting from a more comfortable position?

>>49280747
Sticks and stones

>>49285392
>not being ambidextrous master race
Stay pleb.

>>49284973
>>49285392
you shoot based on eye dominance.
Left eye/right hand or right eye/left hand it a pain in the ass.

>>49285449
https://youtu.be/ip28yNw404U?t=2m57s

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>>49285117
>SAN LOSS

>>49285468
Okay. So assuming i am ambidextrous master race and shoot equally well and competently with either hand. Are my eyes ambi-what-ever-the-word-for-this-is?

>>49285449
Enjoy getting decision paralysis during critical moments.

>>49285551
ambicuity, maybe

>>49285576
I just go with whatever foot is forward or what side is closest.
If it's with gun usage it depends on what hand the gun is in.
Only time i've ever had it was on those damned menu's at restaurants.

>>49285551
which do you aim with? Ambioccular would be you with either. Otherwise you'd be dominant with one of em.

>>49285631
Either or depending on which hand it's in.

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>>49285621
>Only time i've ever had it was on those damned menu's at restaurants.

I understand all the words in this sentence but am unable to work out what meaning to take from them. Are you a server and were unsure which menu in your hand to give to he customer? Or were you a customer and were unsure which hand to accept a menu from? Or did you do something else even more retarded?

I really am curious.

>>49285200
anon please

>>49285700
A. Pricing things is hard and i have to decide what people will want versus what might seem like a good idea now but is too "out there" for reliable and consistent orders when making a menu
B. A lot of things sound good to me depending on where i'm eating at and i have to choose one. Brightside my buds are the same so we usually order and divvy up shit.

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>>49268132
I love this girl and her resting bitch face.

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>>49285744
I am still completely unsure what you did that made you unsure to use your left or right hand, anon.

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>>49285747

>>49285809
Oh. Well writing is right handed just so my left hand isn't dragging across fresh ink or lead but i was refering to the only time i have DECISION paralysis is when i have to DECIDE on what i'm ordering or what items make it on a new menu.

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>>49285837

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>>49285854

>>49285837
Why isn't she wearing shoes?

>>49286087
Honestly, no one fucking knows.The protagonist doesn't either but he has the excuse of being a dragon in human form

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>Female Bards
They exist. Sadly they have a very low resistance to smallpox.

>>49286087
Because the two most recent Fire Emblem games have been making some pretty awful character design choices.

>>49286196
The plots have been what's questionable, but the character designs have been mostly pretty high. Are you nuts?

>>49286250
>He thinks toilet bowl cavaliers and the monopauldron are good things
The entire semi-futuristic vibe of Awakening's armors was really dumb, since there was no reason for it.

Fates at least has some neat ideas, but it also has ass windows and bare feet all over the place. Even character models that are otherwise pretty well made have gaping panty windows in the back.

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>>49286175
MFW I just read that story last week.


Fuck you, Anon.

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>>49285880
>>49285854
>>49285837
>>49285747
>Expect some fanasy-ish belly-dancan fluid and hypnotic dance
>Spastic J-Pop dance moves

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>>49286293
I did say mostly. Yeah the cavaliers in Awakening were dumb, but shit everything looked good in Fates. Even the generics.
The ass window thing was minor, and only Azura and MC dragon-scale had bare feet.
And that's only if you didn't do the fun thing and make Azura a Sky Knight.

>>49286348
What did you expect? It's a property made by and for Japanese Otaku who demand Idoru culture shit be crammed into fucking everything.

>>49286348
K-pop
J-pop idols just stand still the whole time. Also yeah, made by Japan for 60% Japanese audience 40% Western audience that likes to pretend their Japan.
She was also literally raised in not Japan. With Samurai and everything.

>>49266794
Pregnancy.

>>49286457
Then what's with the psedo-Arabian Knights getup?

>>49286087
>>49286196
Fetishism

>>49286703
She normally dresses like >>49268132

But for this scene she needed a disguise as she attempted to use her bard singing powers to assassinate the king and save the world. Because he's possessed by a god dragon gone rogue trying to use the war between Not!Europe and Not!Japan to destroy everything

She needs a disguise because in this route you as the protagonist are working for the kind so she'd be in arms reach if it failed.

https://youtu.be/fBFWOEdxd_c

>>49286797
And before you ask how literally dying her usual outfit black and putting on a veil is a disguise >>49286250

>>49284271
t. kissless virgin neckbeard

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>>49286574

>>49275909
So this is why American "salsa" is nothing but carcinogenic chemicals?
You're meant to fry the tiny green tomatoes and they are definately edible when cooked.

>>49277252
So you're saying the whiter the girl, the better the pizza?
I knew jungle fever was an actual mental illness but now I think it's heresy too.

>>49278895
It's funny because tumblr's power fantasy is claiming to be opressed and having daddy government crush their evil bullies.
And they actually acomplish it in real life.

>>49286969
Those are all terrible pizza ingredients though.

>>49287096
You know nothing.

>>49266794
Because a woman being the center of attention with lots of opportunities for sex doesn't require years of training.

>>49276545
>The Deliverator's tires have contact patches like a fat lady's thighs

>>49287263
The supernatural powers part probably still demands work, though.

>>49287108
I know enough that you chose the BLANDEST flavors of food for pizza. Hell you said chicken was good.
Lemme guess you think british "cuisine" also is flavorful? Want some white sauce with your chicken and parm on rice and your hot water for soup?

>>49287340
>women
>not having magical powers
I bet you don't even ask your local hag for swag-enhancing amulets

>>49269405
>mfw I work with a girl like this
be still my dick

>>49286797
That is the stupidest shit I've ever seen, and my little brother liked the Star Wars prequels.

Because that's the default , baseline stat for every woman.

>>49267981
Well not with THAT attitude.

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cutest bard coming thru

>>49273517
Wait, that's from Ragnarok

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I've been considering running a maid bard. That is, use a component pouch and no instrument, scold teammates for their mistakes in battle to improve them, provide support and utility casting, and keep/make the best camps you've ever seen.

Appreciate the dump but thats a lot of asians and i was thinking more..."european" looking female bards.

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>>49290018

>>49290474
Where the instrument. Or are her "flute" playing lips her "instrument"?

>these niggers never had tarte flambée
>laughingwhores.jpg

>>49268712
I want to plunder her booty

>>49266794
Colorful charismatic guy running around the world banging chicks is cool

Colorful charismatic chick running around the world banging guys is, basically, travelling hooker.

>>49275904
I want to marry a cute albino!

>>49291882
I mean, that's how shitty players see Bards. And let's be honest, a lot of players are kinda shitty.

>>49291882
>Colorful charismatic guy running around the world banging chicks would be riddled with STDs
>Colorful charismatic chick running around the world banging guys would have more incentive to use protection, also women go to the doctor more than men, therefore would be less of a plaguebearer

>>49290573
>>49290582
>14 years old
You know this happened in a literal whore house, right? The show didn't even whitewash it.

>>49291882
Literally the only time I used prostitution as a character backstory was as a thing she did to survive and that she wanted to move past. It was a bard but it was also a defining thing that she didn't want to be all she was anymore.

>>49291938
If you'd believed it men actually see doctors around 10x than women when it comes to the genitalia.

Current theory is that they just ignore general itching and discomfort for much longer than men, who usually just pop in and tell the doctor they suspect something the second it happens out of paranoia, because they are vastly more prone to UTI's that for the most part pop up and go away.

i usually don't see women until they start getting discolored discharge for gonnorhea, for example, whereas men pop in the second shit itches in a different way than usual. This does however lead to a lot of guys complaining about mild shit like a slightly irritated from masturbation balls they panic is testicular torsion or cancer. This is why testicular cancer usually gets caught early on whereas cervical cancer or breast cancer gets found mid-stage during checkups.

For the rest of the body, however, you are correct.

>>49292301
Wow. Autocorrect kinda mangled the grammar there, my apologies.

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>>49285551
An easy test to find your dominant eye.

>place your left hand's figures over your right hand's figures, perpendicular
>place right hand's thumb over left hands thumb
>there should now be a small, roughly diamond shaped gape between your thumbs and figures.
>fully extend your arms
>find a small notable marking on a wall or something
>move your arms so that the object can be seen in the space in your hands.
>close one eye
>if the object is no longer visible then that is NOT your dominant eye

>>49292301
To be fair, my GP is pretty hands-off about stuff; his opinion was that I wouldn't really need to be regularly checked for breast cancer before I hit 40-50 since I have none of the red flags. Also women who are more openly sexually active seem to be most of my old GP's patients, so part of it might be that it's still a shameful thing for a lot of women.

>>49292338
So what happens if i have to pick which of the double images i wanna aim at?

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>>49275890
>calling it a za
jump in a fire kiddo

>>49292351
Who knows. Either way men come running the second something isn't fucking perfect and women tend to drag their feet, at least for the downstairs.
I've seen men who won't go for more than a yearly physical and then only if it's mandatory, especially past 55 when you start having to check the walnut.

>>49292235
Nothing wrong with a 14yo

>>49268390
this is a cute fucking monkey

>>49292235
What show?

>>49286348
That's the Nohr dance, not the Hoshido dance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBFWOEdxd_c

Groaning, etc.

>>49289584
Good taste

>>49292692
Boku no google search

>>49276014
You need to keep in mind that that's not for everyone.

For one thing, there's significant hormonal and chemical changes in the brain brought on by pregnancy; a woman that doesn't catch on in the first few weeks can become increasingly likely to want to keep it where once she would've asked the nearest person to falcon-punch her then and there.

In the third trimester there's an increasing tendency towards 'nesting' habits; preparing a little nursery, baby stuff, etc.

It's not like women just go "oh, I'm pregnant, I have to retire now". Their brains get rewired, THAT'S how their "priorities changed" to the occasional horror of those around them.

>>49269627
Dude, I don't care WHAT shade her fucking skin or hair are. Hot is hot, and if I can get inside that I wanna get inside that.

It don't matter if you're black or green or white, I wanna cum inside the pink.

>>49293320
>In the third trimester there's an increasing tendency towards 'nesting' habits; preparing a little nursery, baby stuff, etc.
In the third day of the week there's an increasing tendency towards "foraging" habits. Going to the shops, looking in the cupboard, trapping the neighbor's cat etc.

>>49293328
It's okay to have standards and not be so pathetic, anon. Also melanin can sometimes be more than skin deep, staining the gums and even the internal organs(yes, THOSE internal organs).
>>49293320
This is why you stomp on that shit hard when you find out. Hesitation leads to destroyed lives.

>>49293320
Have you ever actually seen a pregnant woman irl?

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>>49293394
No of course not, the stork brought all of ours after we held hands, I'm still a virgin just like you

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so we're talking about pregnancy now?

>>49293634
I want to marry the Earth Goddess!

>>49293537
I think he meant have you ever interacted for lengths of time with a pregnant woman.
It's like they're on the worst period ever 24/7 with all the emotional instability you'd expect. The ONE thing you'll hear at least 80 times a day is how they wish they'd never gotten pregnant cause those final 7 months are hell for them in various ways.
I've seen women BEG for abortions well past the legal limit. Still doesn't mean they aren't being mentally hijacked by hormones into ultimately keeping the baby.

>>49293634
Yeah, how absolutely terrible it is for everyone involved and how its a nice life ruiner for plenty.

>>49293656
uh, yeah no. maybe you're just a terrible babydaddy, but most pregnant women I've worked with, known, been related to or am married to have not been anywhere near as bitchy or pissy.

moodswings sure, but those range from "bawling" to "extremely horny", and no one's as debilitatedly fucked up as you describe.

>>49293696
Weird. Then again it might be different when they're interacting with the husband rather than someone else. I just work with them I don't knock them up and from what i've seen if i ever did i'd immediately push them down a staircase followed by a blue and black cohosh tea with around 10 vitamin C tablets dissolved in it.

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>not wanting to be a female bard that has monster-baby's

>>49293781
>ruining your body with pregnancy/s
Nah.

>>49276044

>Aztecs
>500 BC

I know this was yesterday but holy shit how did nobody call you out

>>49293812
Because if you don't feed the attention whores they'll die of starvation.

>>49293807
>ruining your body

Magical healing is a thing in many settings

>>49293888
Didn't know they magically healed ruined vaginal canals or permanent brain chemist changes but i could be wrong.
Last i checked shit like healing potions left scars and clerics aren't everywhere for everyone.

>>49293906
show us on the doll where the pregnancy hurt you anon

>>49293906
>ruined vaginal canals
that's a meme, a meme gynecologists disagree with

>>49293906
>a bard cannot cast healing spells

>>49277816
Thank you for giving me an Idea for my next character anon.

>>49293950
Not really. It ruins the muscles via scaring the fibers which means less ability to tighten and it ruins the collagen in the actual canal tissue vis scarring the collagen which just means its natural elasticity is ruined and it got ruined vis stretching so thats the shape it will generally hold towards.

>Magic can turn you into a dragon, reverse gravity and stop time, but it can never repair muscles nor remove scars

>>49294061
Depends on the setting?

>>49293328
I am repulsed by a dark skin
I am literally afraid of black people

>>49294007
There's spells that let you grow back limbs, I'm pretty sure that vaginal canal is something magic can handle. Probably cure their virginity too, when you think about it.

>>49294326
Then why do old people exist if magic can just cure everything? Same damaged and stretch collagen.

>>49294343
because fantasy universes are generally poorly thought out and not very good settings

>>49294265
Even cute black girls?

>>49294359
yes
this is the weirdest part
I find them cute,but also find something strange in them

>>49294351
So...assuming shit as simple as collagen regen isn't being used on skin for beautification, which would have a MASSIVE market, then why assume it would have such a niche market as vag repair?

>>49294343
There's spells that let you reincarnate into a new body, anon. A loose pussy is not an impossible hurdle for magic.

>>49294343
>>49294007

You are acting incredibly triggered for one of the most natural things the female human body can do, something that people have been doing (in large numbers) for years.

Maybe the issue is less pregnancy hurting you, and the average Western woman's body being extremely delicate and incapable of supporting something it *should* be capable of. Women in India are able to have 4-5 children no problem and still please their husbands, women in the rural parts of America can have multiple children and still feel down there.

So what's different about you? Why is having just *one* child going to somehow ruin your body? that's not a sign of a healthy physique, that's a well-presented house of cards that will buckle at the first sign of stress.

Besides, why are you arguing about pregnancy in general? You were responding to an anon that was talking about monstrous pregnancies. Don't you think you might've had a bit more of an argument if you were pointing out how the children of Large races or species with rough scales/sharp horns would ruin a human woman's womb? If you want to talk about something that will destroy your uterus, talk about giving birth to a minotaur's child.

>>49294459
Using magic to give yourself a nice pussy is something that breaks your suspension of disbelief, anon? That's it? That's the oh hell naw point for you?

>>49294459
Originally that was what i was commenting on actually.
However like i mentioned earlier i work with those during and after pregnancy and it's not hyperbole to say various parts and areas are just plain ruined. Maybe it is a health issue however or maybe the indians just have lesser standards without such widespread beauty standard exposure due to lack of media exposure.

>adventure-ending pregnancy
Why would it end an adventure?

>>49294487

Not really, in fact I quite like the idea that there's specialized healing magic that can be used to tighten up a woman, you could say it's a sort of "retirement gift" for a promiscuous bard that finally wants to settle down after sampling the monstrous wares of her adventures, or maybe a woman who's had a handful of kids and wants to enjoy her time with her husband like it was before the pregnancies.

>>49294520

Because most people don't realize the vast majority of campaigns take place over maybe one or two months, which means by the time you're in the epilogue the woman will only now start showing.

>>49294520
Desire to avoid harm coming to the baby, eventual physical hindrance.

>>49294520
very good question, I don't see why there wouldn't be some kind of morning after potion or pregnancy removing magic

>>49266794
Probably because the historical influence behind bards did not include female bards. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bard
This set a precedent of the stereotypical bard being a male, and this is represented in art usually. In a game though, there is nothing restricting you playing a female bard.

>>49268259
>sophomoric power fantasy
t. sociology pro no seriously fuck off

>>49294544
>I don't see why there wouldn't be some kind of morning after potion or pregnancy removing magic

Most if not all settings have a very cheap contraceptive right there in the list of available goods for sale.

>>49286175
>>49286295
Wait, what'd I miss?

>>49294561
well this is after the character becomes pregnant, that would be a preventative measure

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>>49266794
My players NEVER have picked a girl.
We are a group of 5 guys.
All of them want to be soldiers/paladins/edgy_assasins, It's pretty uncommon the bard pick... So girl+bard is in my experience almost imposible.

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>>49294581

Said contraceptives also double as abortificants if consumed in large quantities, such as Night Tea in Pathfinder and Maiden's Tea in Exalted.

>>49294570
>Female bard
>bards it up
>dies from std smallpox

>>49294596
>abortificants

please tell me that's not the real word

>>49294618

The real word is "abortifacient", which is a drug that induces abortion.

>>49294613
Can't tell if pasta or real world event...

>>49294596
Well to be fair that costs money and most adventurers gave access to maces and staircases anyway.

>>49294633
Yes?

>>49294637
>Well to be fair that costs money and most adventurers gave access to maces and staircases anyway.

Night Tea is 2 sp per dose, that's such a small number you could be the biggest slut in the world and still only spend maybe 100 gp over the course of an entire adventure.

>>49266794
Because 99% of the people playing bards are dudes.

And most dudes don't play chicks.

>>49294662
I don't know about you but most parties i've played with were pretty jewy about their money.

>>49294717
Weird. What's the point of being a successful adventurer if you don't throw around your pilfered lucre with wild abandon?

>>49294717
>I don't know about you but most parties i've played with were pretty jewy about their money.

Really? Because most parties I've run with stop caring about the double digits by level 5 and the triple digits by level 9.

TIL pregnancy, the process by which new life is created, is to be avoided at all costs.

>>49283760
You're not wrong but there's still some truth behind it being easy for a woman to pick up but harder for a man.

That's without considering the changes in attitude among certain women. Literally watched a girl scream at a guy for like 2 minutes for asking if he could buy her a drink.

>>49294758
No idea. Guess they liked saying they were rich with the actual dosh to prove it. Only time they'd part with it was for upgrades of shit they REALLY wanted/needed and only if it didn't make them poor.

>>49287350
It's called subtlety, you jackass. Subtlety layered with about 10 cloves of garlic. And therein lies the challenge!

>>49294007
>It ruins the muscles via scaring the fibers

Trust me - after having seen your dick, nothing involved with childbirth will have the capacity to frighten them.

>>49294859
>Guess they liked saying they were rich with the actual dosh to prove it.

The irony in this statement is that wealth, especially in the middle ages, was most commonly expressed with what "stuff" you have.

A big load of cash just sitting there is wasted, ideally you would be spending that on nice furs, jewelry, good meals and better households. Showing off a fat chest of gold coins just makes you think they either stole it or *just* found it.

>>49294398
What if they were really sweet and supportive, like black girls that date white guys usually are?

>>49269627
>>49270294
>pizza is basic
I don't know where you live anon but if your country has a santa lucia joint order at least once. Shits expensive($100 for XXL) and takes 15 min to cook but its worth it.

>>49293983
>>49277816
>Won't screw your sister
>Plays the bass guitar
>Great wingman
>Helps you solve existential angst

New PC is good guy greg.

>>49290544
>pinhead
>yaoihands
lol wtf

>>49284413
>>49284459
>>49284628

Freaking hell, now I'm going to have to re-do my meal plan for the week to include quiche. The kids are going be like, mom, why are we eating so much quiche this weekend? To which I'll reply, because I've seen some shit on the internet Kido. Are you you happy now you monsters?

>>49295043
they are still black
i'm not even against interracial,but my subconsciousness must really be

>>49296328
Honestly the only reason is dislike being around them is the smell. At best it's musky and reminds me of an unwashed dog at worst it's offensive. Sweating only makes this worse.

>>49296669
He's not wrong though. That's pretty much the worldview on the matter. Biologically speaking it also has strong evidence for it being an inbuilt subconcious or instinctive impulse for both as a women who fucks around might land you with someone elses offspring where as a male who fucks around is leaving behind a lot of offspring. It's just different measures of biological success.

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>>49269627
Not even decent bait.

>>49266837
/thread

>>49273517
But what about a femme-fatale?

>>49284413
that looks tasty.

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It is time to talk about Kubo. Best bard in recent memory imho.

>>49274057

They all die of aids because they are faggots?

>>49266794
One of my players is a female bard. They aren't all that common in my games. Bards in general aren't that common.